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View Full Version : Affair vs Divorce? which will you choose?


xiaogui1502
08-03-2009, 10:32 AM
HI guys, was wondering about this qn when one of my female fren asked me abt her situation over msn.

my fren is a divorcee, for over 3 yrs already. She stays alone in a condo. She had this colleague whom is quite good-looking, but a little soft in character. The guy is married with a 2yo kid. His marriage is strained. According to my fren, she ever went up to the guy's place for some paper work. and from the way the couple talked, abt the kid, the daily matters like food n stuff, you can tell they are really not getting along well. The guy confessed to my fren abt the strained marriage. To add to the strained r/s, the couple's sex life isnt going well. The guy admitted that he is not considering divorce for the sake of the kid. But due to the strained r/s, he began to visit LS KTV and GL, and he almost got into a r/s with a KTV girl.

Was hoping to hear from guys and girls.

Guys : if you are the guy, married with a kid in a strained marriage with no or little sex, would you go for an affair to 'find' something that was missing in the marriage? or would you set up for divorce?

Girls : if approached to have an affair, would you agree? of course considering that there is some attraction going on.

sexfrenzy
08-03-2009, 10:46 AM
Personally as a guy, I will see if the problem is both ways or lie with one single party. Seek counseling or help from family to resolve the issue.

If all else fail, den I would not hesitate to opt for the divorce route. Pple will say the kid will be affect. However the strained relationship day in day out is going to affect the kid worse.

Should his thread belongs to Matters of the Heart?

BonkingStar
08-03-2009, 11:25 AM
I would choose affair.

marriage is a like a job. U dont like it leave it.

Affair is like an job interview. U can attend many job interviews as possible...

Waxer
08-03-2009, 12:10 PM
Life is short. The guy should go out and enjoy himself. But he should refrain from getting into another relationship. This will definitely complicate matters later. There are somethings in life that we cannot change. We cant change the mother of our children.

FromBoy2Man
08-03-2009, 12:25 PM
HI guys, was wondering about this qn when one of my female fren asked me abt her situation over msn.

my fren is a divorcee, for over 3 yrs already. She stays alone in a condo. She had this colleague whom is quite good-looking, but a little soft in character. The guy is married with a 2yo kid. His marriage is strained. According to my fren, she ever went up to the guy's place for some paper work. and from the way the couple talked, abt the kid, the daily matters like food n stuff, you can tell they are really not getting along well. The guy confessed to my fren abt the strained marriage. To add to the strained r/s, the couple's sex life isnt going well. The guy admitted that he is not considering divorce for the sake of the kid. But due to the strained r/s, he began to visit LS KTV and GL, and he almost got into a r/s with a KTV girl.

Was hoping to hear from guys and girls.

Guys : if you are the guy, married with a kid in a strained marriage with no or little sex, would you go for an affair to 'find' something that was missing in the marriage? or would you set up for divorce?

Girls : if approached to have an affair, would you agree? of course considering that there is some attraction going on.

Either in a courtship or in a marriage , they are the same things. It is just that marriage comes with a certificate but courtship no certificate to protect the woman. For me, during courtship, it is the man who called the shot. But after marriage, the man is finished. Breakup in a r/s is simple but breakup in a marriage involved lots of $. As for kids, be it their parents married or only in a courtship level, makes no different, they are the very innocent ones. If seek counsel help can help, there will be no divorce. I think those who salvage the marriage are those who has only minor misunderstanding (Naive thinking for eg like i don't want you to go out late everynight). We can only live once, do you want to be happy or tied down by unhappiness? Is there really no cure for the marriage? I think many marriage breakup becos of adultery but hey he/she may be fucking with other man/woman b4 the marriage. WHy want to make it a big hoo haa and act pure after marriage. Please don't tell me it is the past b4 they got marriage, it is still called fucking. There should be no secret between couple to confide in. Be it discussing their past r/s or present r/s but hey i think many will do that and they called it happy marriage. Bullshit, all are time bomb. To me, there is no love only sex and lies.

takashi-san
08-03-2009, 07:11 PM
It the matter of how much i love my child, as a guy had he forgot how much he love his wife b4, to me I can have lots of gal/ ladys outside but my wife will always be the one I love most.

yonglee
08-03-2009, 07:34 PM
I will alway try to revive the marriage,if really can't improve then i guess divorce is the option.

tomvoyeur
08-03-2009, 10:44 PM
It is hard for a 3rd party for me to decide which is the best course of action in this case. But the rule of thumb is if costs outweighs the benefits, end it. ;)

zaqwsx21
12-03-2009, 10:08 AM
main issue is do the guy still love his wife? if yes he should try to see what the problem and work from there

Oralcraz
13-03-2009, 03:43 PM
my fren is a divorcee, for over 3 yrs already. She stays alone in a condo. She had this colleague whom is quite good-looking, but a little soft in character. The guy is married with a 2yo kid. His marriage is strained. According to my fren, she ever went up to the guy's place for some paper work. and from the way the couple talked, abt the kid, the daily matters like food n stuff, you can tell they are really not getting along well. The guy confessed to my fren abt the strained marriage. To add to the strained r/s, the couple's sex life isnt going well. The guy admitted that he is not considering divorce for the sake of the kid. But due to the strained r/s, he began to visit LS KTV and GL, and he almost got into a r/s with a KTV girl.

Guys : if you are the guy, married with a kid in a strained marriage with no or little sex, would you go for an affair to 'find' something that was missing in the marriage? or would you set up for divorce?



We must view this in 2 seperate case. One, is yr divorcee fren interested in the guy and wants to be with him? Two, the guy married problems.

As for the guy's problem, is natural. I had the same problem. With different opinion in upbringing a kid to finance, bad habits etc etc. Marriage problems affect sex live, affect daily live, affect every damn thing u do. Almost divorce too. But today, after 18 yrs of married, I look back and can say, lucky I did not divorce. Why? Cos at that time, I told myself,..... no one is perfect. I had fault of my own. Is just too bad that we do not agree on some matters be it who is right or wrong. Just take it. Wife is chosen by myself. So no matter what, as long as wifey is loyal and never run the lion, must accept her like a man. Enjoy and be happy when she is good mood. Run far far if she is bad mood. Divorce is a very painful process for man, woman and children. So try not to! Also, who knows the next woman u marry is not worse???

Yr fren is a divorcee. So, there's no control over her action or views but if possible, don't add wood to fire in this guy family. Give him sound and healthy advice is my opinion.

pokeman71
13-03-2009, 04:50 PM
I would choose affair.

marriage is a like a job. U dont like it leave it.

Affair is like an job interview. U can attend many job interviews as possible...

Bro, I think is not so easy as a normal job. This jopb you had already sign a life time contract. So if you break the contract, you need to pay the company $$$$$$$$$$$$$$.

But I will still go for affair, from my understanding of 'affair' is having a marriage at the same time having another woman or boy, that is affair. If divorce than where come the affair, you are already legally to fuck around.

lovehurts
13-03-2009, 06:09 PM
My true experience...not sure if it directly answered to TS question. Just to share.

I am happily married with kids...NT is a divorcee. Pity her & treated her well like a caring friend. NT knows that I am happily married because I always remind her so as to keep our distance. NT needed love & attention whilst I needed fresh sexual partner to fulfil some of my fantasies (I have been married for 15 years with a healthy sex life).

I kept telling myself that I cannot have sexual relations with NT....for I know relationship will never be the same after sex (well, at least for me). I told NT about my reluctance, our rules of the game of not falling in love with each other...even telling her that I may not be by her side when she needed me most & how much I love my family. Yet, NT allow herself to falls in love with me. NT claims that she will be contented being the 2nd & will not take up my weekends or any family time. NT says she will not want money, time or status....just needed my attention & love...like a BF to her. (a perfect FB you might think). When a man get all these assurance, he needs no further motivation.

NT had a body that men will drool...... I find out later that she is fucking wet down there too. Still remember just before I entered her, she says that she is willing to take the gamble that things are going to change once a friendship turn into a sexual one. We fucked. NT is very obliging & submissive. A very good sexual partner. NT discovered the LOVE she needs & I found the LUST.

This relationship go on for a good couple of months. I was still a happily married man reporting to NT house in the day whenever possible & going back home to be a caring father & loving husband. (Perfect lifestyle ? )

WRONG !

Not sure if it was me who changed....NT began to ask for more time, dropping hints that
she needs financial help, getting unreasonable, throwing tempers, shouting & quarrelling in public places, less communication, discussion always ended in cold war etc. So, I was right. My patience lacks & there is nothing new to discover in NT for I have tasted every inch of her beautiful body.

I sensed that NT is getting jealous when I spoke about my family...even when I tell her about my little girl's grades.....NT began asking sensitive questions and even gets upset if she find out I have sex with my wife. I recalled once when NT doubts that I have not had sex for a while.....I purposely cummed in her mouth & make her spit out my expired sperm on her palm. Damn !

Well, I dumped NT the day she threatened to kill herself.

The lessons that I learn through the above experience.

a) A married person had a higher stake than a single/divorce in an affair.
b) A person can changed from an angel to a devil faster than you think. I remember telling myself all the good things about NT so as to accept her love.....and in the end, I kept reminding myself all the nasty things that she had done in order to leave her. FUCKA ! Who's the devil ?

Guys, the above is my true experience.....of course I have fast forwarded some details. The whole relationship dragged about 2 years with its ups & downs. Especially to married brothers....when a girl tell you she don't mind you are married, be careful. The price of free sex is sometimes costier in the end. The cry of NT in the dead of the night that she will jump still harbours in my head....scary.

My flings with married women all have happy endings. All are willing parties with no commitment to each other. Keep the relationship short & fun.....You can called me a selfish SOB, but aren't all the horny men out there think the same ?

tiko_tao
13-03-2009, 09:08 PM
I choose divorce becos dun want to have those headaches

Oralcraz
15-03-2009, 01:58 PM
My true experience...not sure if it directly answered to TS question. Just to share.

.....

My flings with married women all have happy endings. All are willing parties with no commitment to each other. Keep the relationship short & fun.....You can called me a selfish SOB, but aren't all the horny men out there think the same ?

Me married 18 yrs. No good sex life with wifey.....but what u just highlighted is exactly the reason why I am not into sexual affair relationship. Yes, I itch for sex but still no no in sexual affair relationship. I always believe no one lady will simply let a man fuck her. Relationship will never be the same after sex (whether single, widow, divorcee or married). I can 100% guarantee u that.

LiBai
16-03-2009, 09:21 AM
Me married 18 yrs. No good sex life with wifey.....but what u just highlighted is exactly the reason why I am not into sexual affair relationship. Yes, I itch for sex but still no no in sexual affair relationship. I always believe no one lady will simply let a man fuck her. Relationship will never be the same after sex (whether single, widow, divorcee or married). I can 100% guarantee u that.

Very true. Better to pay. This way no strings attached and can go look for fresh fillies to mount again.