wife wanted out - help

[leungccsg]

HI bros

i found no peace anywhere but to seek for your opinions.

my wife and i has been married for 8 yrs and we did not have any kids due to her saying she is not ready.

in the entire marriage life , i have always been the giver to the relationship. be it financial , household chores , attention and love. I know that you indeed loved me as she supported and stayed on with me last year through a difficult times i had.

recently , i brought up the topic of pregnancy and immediately a series of disagreement plus quarrel happened.

Her main reasons is that i have been very possessive and choking her. he thinks i am using the pregnancy to tied her down. but eventually , i did gave up on the idea as well.

now she wanted out of the marriage.
she left our home while i was not in and since then refuse to see me .
demanding a " cooling off " period.

I have not been unfaithful to her, been a near perfect husband.
Only recently i complained about her doing too much of overtime in office.
such an extend it is almost every 4 out of 5 weekday coming home at 11pm.
one of the weekend also work.

I strongly believed there is no third party involved (her).

what can i do to salvage the relationship?

now she see me as a pest even though i did nothing wrong , Never physically abuse her etc .

is it my love is too much for her ?

any opinions from bros here ?

[hotsoup16]

bro,
How can you be so sure that no third party involve? From your statement, i could sense something fishy abt her sudden change of behaviour

[ace_rc]

I think probably u had given in too much and she had been taken it for granted for the past years. Since her heart is not with you, whatever you try to do to salvage the marriage is fruitless. Sometime letting it go is not too bad a decision to make. Why make both party suffer? think abt it, u can have many other girls now..u have gain back what u have lost in the past..most important, your freedom. Welcome to sammyboy forum, u can start a new life here...

[thingy]

Well i just feel that if the feelings are not longer there no matter how much you do... she will never get touched.... since she is already taking you for granted, it will be worse... its hard moving on but sad to say that's the only option i feel... Cheer up bro!! juz my 2 cents :)

[Clyde Frog]

Other brothers may call you to consider salvaging such a relationship, but I will let you be the judge of that. I will reply this post base on salvaging the relationship.

Do you know any of her friends?

Because if you do, that will surely help. In such a situation, what her friends or family say will be 100 times more effective than what you say. Approach her friends or family for help. If you talk to her directly you will only turn her off.

Try that avenue. That's about the only avenue left now if you still want to mend the relationship. If you don't know any of her friends/close family, then I don't how to offer you any help already.

Good Luck Bro.

[Gerald Tan]

Bro Leungccsg
She is doing "OT" in office..unless you can verify with proof, I think she is in love with a guy in office... when a girl is not reciprocating your love, it means either she does not like you or she loves somebody..u have to find out yourself which is which.. regards

[Beemer]

I will suggest going away with your wife for a nice holiday, take time to talk to her and understand what she really wants and give in to her if you want this relationship to go on, also tell her what you had been looking for during the past 8 years.

All the best!

[sgp1ting]

I suggest you go away for a few days. See any kaki of yours can accompany you...have some thoughts and see if you miss her a not lor...

[loster]

hi bro, same scenario as u but only wife did not wan out. but as u r, I m also giving in to everything. Sometimes I doubt my own actions. Dunno wat to do next...

[sky_liner2]

Sorry TS bro about your current state, but in my opinion, I thought your wife is quite ambitious (if confirm no third party) or career minded, and do not want a kid to tie her down. Since she needs a cooling off period, it may be good just to leave things aside for sometime. When she is ready to chat, bring in all subjects including having a first baby to build a complete family. Seriously, love is one thing, but if one party thinks the partner is being possessive in a way, I think it is time to let go. Do it or regret it late for being too dragging and wasting years of youth. Wish you good luck!

[antgrabber]

Perhaps she finds the relationship stifling. If there is no 3rd party involved then perhaps back off a bit and give her some space. Esp where a person is very independent minded, too much attention can be a turn-off.

[ahkered]

i would also agree to a cooling off period. giv her some time to think. she will come back if she realli loves n needed u. if she dont, then realli its difficult to have her back. ger heart change already difficult change back liao. my own experience is tt... if a ger treats mi too good. i will soon take it for granted and worst.. i start to find her annoying as they will be more possessive... on the other hand.. those gers which sometimes treat mi gd sometimes dun.. i will wan them more.! the feeling is stronger. so maybe u should giv ur wife some breathing space. if things still dun change. then maybe u should have a gd tok wif her. c can find solutions anot.

[David_Ginola]

When a person wants out, he or she can find thousand and 1 reasons to be out. Seems like bro u r in a bad situation. You can weigh which is important. Do u actually love her so much? Since u did nothing wrong, then she might have did something. She might be running away from certain things. If she is willing to talk and trash it out, then it will be good. But be prepared for the worse. Things will be over. Is just how it will be over and done with. Hope u can take things easy.

[Xgenre]

Find a PI and you will know if there's someone else.

It seems she wears the pants in the relationship. Deciding when to have kids, seems to have a better career than you etc. If she is indeed career-minded, coming home to a nagging husband who wants her to sacrifice her hard-fought career success for a child will be a big turn off. Especially so if she earns more than her husband and it's likely that she will end up footing most of the bills of the kid.

Is she more successful than you? Earning more than you? If so, then put yourself in her shoes. She sacrifice her career prospects cos when she has a child, employers may not want her to hold too much responsibilities. She may end up being the main bread-winner of the family cos you have no career...

8 years is a long time for a marriage to stagnate. Having a kid moves the marriage to the next level in my opinion.

[OralMaster]

show her some color

[cmelater]

ts,

I know what u mean. Its blardy frustrating. I'm not married. Been with this gal for some time. Not exactly a long period of time. But, a lot of stuff is like she dun want to commit and she expects stuff to be done. :rolleyes:

Like urself, I also invested a lot of time, effort and money. What for? I believe ur answer n mine are the same. We just want to shower our gal with lots of care, love and concern. But, somehow its... like fark.... do so much, in the end it really doesn't pay.

Few gals are saints. Fewer can be trusted. End of the day, somehow still end up going out to roam the streets to beo char bo.

Truth is that if gal dun cherish the guy, she only got herself to blame later on. It goes vice versa. I think its just that people are no longer a devoted and dedicated as before. Most gals seem to just want the easier way out and play first.

Life is not a very long period of time to spend on stupid people. Its not very long for anyone to remain stupid and/ or ignorant for too long either. Either you get up today and move on or u try and salvage. But, what is worth fighting for... only u will know.

I know for sure that no gal (in my life) is worth fighting for. They are either attached/ married or impossible to get.

[Hing]

I feel that cooling off period is good. Give her some time to think about it.
Do sms (don't call her) to stay in contact. Like ask her how's she doing/feeling, etc.
Reason for not calling her is not to disturb her (also to avoid getting rejected, by her not answering your call).

[cumranger69]

Find a PI and you will know if there's someone else.

It seems she wears the pants in the relationship. Deciding when to have kids, seems to have a better career than you etc. If she is indeed career-minded, coming home to a nagging husband who wants her to sacrifice her hard-fought career success for a child will be a big turn off. Especially so if she earns more than her husband and it's likely that she will end up footing most of the bills of the kid.

Is she more successful than you? Earning more than you? If so, then put yourself in her shoes. She sacrifice her career prospects cos when she has a child, employers may not want her to hold too much responsibilities. She may end up being the main bread-winner of the family cos you have no career...

8 years is a long time for a marriage to stagnate. Having a kid moves the marriage to the next level in my opinion.


Great advice from bro xgenre above.

just to add. having a kid when she is not ready will not solve the problem. dun bring a baby into this world just to make the marriage more "complete". Having a kid adds lotsa stress into a r/s. It may the thing that is least needed now.

By the look of it, i do think u should hire a PI to check her out.

[HayHot]

I have not been unfaithful to her, been a near perfect husband.

Errm.. Just viewed your past posting.... this statement doesn't really tally. Or did she found out abt your tryst with all the FLs ?

[wallich]

Sometimes you need a third, forth or fifth person to help you realise what went wrong with the relationship. The past year i have 2 friends that was stuck with their marriage and after long discussion and analysis, divorce was the best way to save both sides lives.

Of course for people like us don't like to see people separating, but if you might not realise your friend can help, perhaps grab them out for a drink and ask them to share your load.

Good luck dude. All the best to whatever it will happen to you.

[qwerty66]

Bro leungccsg.

If you are serious about saving your marriage.
Advice to seek help from a marriage counsel.
use this link to find the centre you like. Ministry of Community Development, Youth and Sports (http://app.mcys.gov.sg/web/serv_dss_disability_main.asp?Services_Id=2)

Make a appointment and talk to them first. They will give you good professional advise and could also arrange counselling session for both you and your wife to patch up.

Get help before it is too late.

[luvjimmy]

let her cool off.keep your temper.thing will go better.if you want your way sorry only to say.

[nokia3650]

HI bros


I have not been unfaithful to her, been a near perfect husband.
any opinions from bros here ?

Dude, I symphathize with you, but give correct info. A quick search on ur nick shows a lot of FR's.

[GongCB]

bro leung,

My only advice is tat for a relationship to work out, her beauty n no of times u can bed her are secondary..
the primary factor u should watch out for is u must not be giver all the time..ur partner should in fact help u plan whether finances, day to day stuff, etc, be there at the most crucial times, and not be any financial burden to you. i,e, she must b independent to walk on her own. Likewise if she is to be independent, give her the freedom to do tat..and she will come back to assisit u in ur day to day stuff on her own..
Some gals dont like to be monitored by their partner, same as us guys dont like to be "superglued" by our partners,,,

[LostALau]

Errm.. Just viewed your past posting.... this statement doesn't really tally. Or did she found out abt your tryst with all the FLs ?

Dude, I symphathize with you, but give correct info. A quick search on ur nick shows a lot of FR's.

Thought of writing a long story to give some advice but after reading the above two posts, I am beginning to doubt if it is yr wife knowing something about your secrets. :(

[BAD-MAN]

Thought of writing a long story to give some advice but after reading the above two posts, I am beginning to doubt if it is yr wife knowing something about your secrets. :(



hi ts , sometime PAPER CANT FOLD WITH FIRE , admit to her maybe there still a chance......to forgive:cool:

[AC_Milan]

I strongly believed there is no third party involved (her).

what can i do to salvage the relationship?

now she see me as a pest even though i did nothing wrong , Never physically abuse her etc .




bro, she is definitely seeing someone behind your back, i hate to say this to you but that is a fact. :(

When a woman suddenly consider you as a pest, its not a very good sign.:o

just stay cool, don't quarrel and observe what she is doing now, follow her if you can.

[ahwen]

I think probably u had given in too much and she had been taken it for granted for the past years. Since her heart is not with you, whatever you try to do to salvage the marriage is fruitless. Sometime letting it go is not too bad a decision to make. Why make both party suffer? think abt it, u can have many other girls now..u have gain back what u have lost in the past..most important, your freedom. Welcome to sammyboy forum, u can start a new life here...

i agree on him... always remember "what is your is yours" if she really wanna go that's no way you can stop. but if you really love her let her go if she really think about it maybe one day she will regret but by that time too bad for her.

[cumfast]

Dear TS,

If I could choose who I am, I want to be the type of husband you are. I don't see much wrong in you but that could only be one sided. Maybe let this be a cooling off period and have a good talk with her once she has cooled.

One day... she will know how much you love her. Trusting is loving. Keep it up.

[leungccsg]

Hi bros,

thanks for all the advice.

i believed no 3rd party from her is that i have monitor her phones call , emails etc and everything is clean. most important is that i know her character , she will not "eat outside ".

i did brough up the point abt getting professional consulting, but whatevers things i suggest or even compromise , she rejected it all.

we are still on talking terms.... just that she does not want to see me at all for 2 reasons, (1) she ran away (2) she held me to my promise for the cool off period.

i have approach her close aides to talk to her. But seems that she is not opening up to them as well. she just shut everything out.

in fact, i am earning more than her all these years. and i am the one who plans out future. she has been a supportive wife all these yrs.

she does not like her current employer but they are giving her a lot of opportunity to grow. maybe career minded , but she just say she is too busy with work until no time to do her own job except after office hrs since dytime she has tons of meeting to attend. guess she trying to fulfill the duty in office but expect me to be the 100% supportive husband even to the point i dun get to see her on weekday ( she come home , i sleep . she leave for work , i still sleeping )

i do love her a lot until i dare not to face life without her.

i guess she is using the cool off period just to do her office work instead.
bros , do u think a woman would think of relationship problem esp when they are so busy at work ?

i seriously do not want out.

[leungccsg]

bros

let me hear your opinion

what is the fine line between being possesive and wanting to spent time with her out of love.

she work 4out of 5 days OT till late.
i ask her to give me a bit of time ( be it lesser OT , or maybe try not to work too late and come home, etc )

asking my wife to give me time after office hrs is it too much to ask for ? id this call possesive ?

[volvo]

Hi TS, i dont think your wife is cheating or have someone else outside to be honest. Speaking from experience, why she does overtime almost daily is just that she doesnt want to spend so much time at home. Basically want to avoid you as much as she can and just spend more time at the office. It doesnt mean she has that much work to do, she just want to do her work slowly and not head home too early and see you.

Usually when it comes to this stage, the female already feels otherwise and she has already stopped trying, whatever methods you try, counselling and all, if she doesnt want to try anymore, to be honest, its better to give her a cooling off period and let her think. If she thinks it through, she will decide whether she wnats to be with you or not. And if she does decide to be with you, she will start trying again, in the mean time, let her cool off. Ball is no longer in your court. I experienced this before and it was identical to what you are going through. In the end it didnt go through, but it is for the better anyway. Better chop off the finger now and suffer a bit, then to wait for the diseased finger to infect the entire arm and then chop off the arm.

my 2 cents worth.

[spidey69]

Bro TS,

forgave me for being direct..

are you guys still having regular sex? when is the last time??

if the answer is "NO", then it would mean that she most probably is seeing another guy..:(

sorry for my bluntness.. just that i have been there, done that..:(

[soundworks]

now she wanted out of the marriage.
she left our home while i was not in and since then refuse to see me .
demanding a " cooling off " period.

I?Bro,trust me, ur wife is seeing another guy. I got a friend,his wife also walk out of the marriage out of sudden. Also refusing to see him and send him a lawyer letter for separation.When a girl is heartless,there is no way u can change her mind.take care.

[wat2woopee]

Bro leungccsg.

If you are serious about saving your marriage.
Advice to seek help from a marriage counsel.
use this link to find the centre you like. Ministry of Community Development, Youth and Sports (http://app.mcys.gov.sg/web/serv_dss_disability_main.asp?Services_Id=2)

Make a appointment and talk to them first. They will give you good professional advise and could also arrange counselling session for both you and your wife to patch up.

Get help before it is too late.


Dun waste your time with those jurbronees, went to TOUCH Family Services at Bt ***** talked & spent $$ with Counsellor Tan C*** K****
Meet me once & my wife on separate occasions, 1 tim, after that the usual no more followup, from my meeting in Aug 08, got back only Feb 09.
By then I think I Si Liao... KNN

[notinspore]

my opinion is that she has someone outside. probably already doing it in the office, during lunch hours and even after work. i suggest you call it quits. no point tying her down further. she has found her freedom elsewhere.

[BigBoy2]

Hi Bro TS,

The following point are just my 2 cents worth.

1. When a woman wants out...... Its almost impossible to keep the relationship going. But when a man wants out, there is a high chance that it will still work out when the woman persist.
2. If she is not earning more than you, and she do not like her boss, then why is she spending so much time at work? Do you know that nowadays we could work from home, all thanks to technology.
3. I know that you love her too much to believe or suspect that she is seeing someone else, but have you spoken to your In-Laws? Do you know where is she? Do they know what happened?
4. If she is seeing someone, then she would be very careful in her mail, SMS, etc. Are you sure that she only have 1 HP or SIM Card? Are you sure that she does not have any other web mail, which is easily available, etc.
5. As some of the fellow BROs her have said please go get a PI. Also get a good one.
6. As you are able to provide for yourself and your wife, then why is there a need for her to work sooooo hard.

Just my little points of view. Hope it helps. I know these words might be painful but I think its time you learn how to protect yourself from getting hurt further. Life goes on no matter what happened. But if eventually things do workout, then forget what I had mentioned.

[pewpew]

Just let her do her things and if she really wanna cherish the relationship, she will be back to you.

As for asking her to do lesser OT, i doubt you can because with the market now and reject doing OTs, you might as well ask her to quit otherwise her Boss will also do so.

Chill now, don't pester her and let her do what she want if you really love her.

Treat it as a BET, either she will return to you after she sort out her thought or she won't.

Good luck and take good care... :)

[sincities]

Bro,
Go register a marriage counselling program. The counsellor will act as a mediator between you and your wife to help resolve your marriage issues.
Just google on Marriage Counselling... you will see a lot of community centre offer this kind of program.

Hope its useful to you.

[man_thinker]

just plan and get ready about how you can manage your life without her. In the worse case, since she is the one that opts out, assets should be ruled more in your favour. This is a fact of life. without $, dun talk anything else.

Only then that you can overcome your own life, with or without your wife.

My speculation is, as with most bros, must be a 3rd party involved. Guys are more careless in hiding secrets. you'll be surprised how well girls can hide secrets when things goes wrong. If you have not been there, you won't know...

Just be sure that you'll be in a better position once you can make her understand that you can live on life well (or better) without her. She'll see a difference, whether she's going to be with you or not.

[leungccsg]

we still have regular sex ( at least 2 times per week ) . in fact duriing that day when she walk out of the house , the same afternoon we have a good kissing and fondling sexxsion ( her aunt visit so cannot do ).

can a woman still have sex without the feeling of love ?

i spoke to in law since she is putting up with them now , they also confirmed that there are no 3rd party. In fact , for the 8 yrs we are married , she has very little friends and seldom goes out with them. she only join the new company 6 mths ago....... and since the start of job , OT is on regular basis. so i see no reason that office affairs happened since 1 day of her work.

marriage counselling ? i want but i guess she will not go. she those kind want to save " face ". she does not want people to know abt this incidents , she never speak to anyone as well. she just keep all to herself. even not opening up much to her parents ( which is the close ones )

[sam_seng]

wat's her horoscope? it may throw some light...

[leungccsg]

hers is Leo

[tanhockgin]

Hi Leung,

I've been in the same boat as you. So here's my experience. Take whatever you can from it to help your situation.

Was with my gf (my soulmate) for 5 years. All was good. Graduated, good job , and good pay. But, was accused for being possessive. To her, I was smothering her till she felt like she could not breathe. I was devastated. Just starting to build my career and then this happen.

Here's what I did. I left her. If you love somebody, set them free. You cant hold someone back especially when they are an adult. Furthermore, you may want to take a look at yourself. I say this because I was insecure. Like any man, you are afraid she may be eating elsewhere. Call and meet everyday. Now, I learn to be more independent and be confident.

On the bright side, you are now given a clean bill to start again. Now you can get back into the hunt and take your time to choose and really find out if the two of you share the same philosophy, i.e., marriage and children.

So look at the glass as half full instead of half empty. And you will come out of this better.

Cheers,

THG

[gonggong18]

Other brothers may call you to consider salvaging such a relationship, but I will let you be the judge of that. I will reply this post base on salvaging the relationship.

Do you know any of her friends?

Because if you do, that will surely help. ......
Try that avenue. ........ If you don't know any of her friends/close family, then I don't how to offer you any help already.

Good Luck Bro.

Good advise (or advice..my english no good), but over time and hwat some bro pointed out, she may not be what you think pure work and no 3rd party.

If you love her..let her cool down...and you too.. if she really want to leave you for some one can you accept?

If really no 3rd party... after cooling down she will realise what she miss in you but...if there is you want to wait??

Just my 5cents

[Marblecat]

Bro, I'm going to break silence on a painful experience of my own, maybe it will help you. I am in the process of burying this for good, so it's not easy for me.

Women these days are caught under a lot of pressure, from conflicting roles as wife, executive, being their own person etc. It has an immense impact on them that few know about. They start to lose their bearing and identity. They start wanting more out of life. They start feeling that marriage and their love life should have more to offer. Go search on google for midlife crises in women and you will get a better picture. Just as depression was looked down upon as a non medical, trivial condition 50 years ago, this is underestimated by people. It is a serious, debilitating condition that causes them to destroy careers, marriages, and lives potentially.

My own wife went through this. Ironical, since I had been close to a lot of women friends who also went through the same thing, in fact she used to be paranoid I would fall in love with one of them. I never saw it in my own wife. And we just grew apart.

Nothing I did was right or could be right. Absolutely nothing. To save a long winded story, it was pure hell. Now, at this time, another man took advantage of the situation. Being there before, I know that men can sense when a woman is vulnerable - it's simply whether you want to treat them as a friend in need of support and help them, or be a bastard and move in for the kill. Hell, I was tempted before, but ultimately realised that doing so would betray the friendship.

For my wife, this guy simply played mind games with her, giving her the false sense of security and caring that she felt she did not have at home. I would add that my wife came from a well to do, very conservative family and was your typical girl next door, not a slut. In fact, for the 6+ years we courted, we did not have sex. This guy completely screwed her mind over, I could not recognise her when it hit me, and when it happens, it is sudden and total.

I'm not saying that your wife is 100% seeing someone else, but I would say it is 70% probability. And she would never admit it. I went through much of what you are going through, and although she said she was felt miserable with me she was prepared to walk out irrespective of 3rd parties, of coz the guy had a huge influence (she admitted that later). And let me tell you, once I got suspicious I checked a lot of things but proof is VERY hard to find. She diligently deleted smses. Heck the guy and her were even talking and sms-ing in front of me at times; once the bastard even invited me to drinks when he was with her. It's an ego thing of course. She had alternate email accounts and encrypted MSN chats. I talked to her colleagues, friends and family. No one had even a clue.

I caught her only because she made 1 mistake in using her normal email account. And just in time too, as the guy was getting ready to push the button and take her on a trip. She still insists no sex happened up to that point but the damage was already almost beyond salvage. The emotional involvement was extreme, and she was deeply in love with him. And during this time, our sex life was healthy, heck sometimes we did it 2-3 times a day. The affair got her heated up and she took the sexual tension out on me.

The months after was an even worse hell. She went to pieces and stayed on only because of the kids, but made it clear she felt nothing for me, convinced that our love had died, and that she had to sacrifice her true love for the family. Who could live with this right? And this guy was just playing on her emotion for his own ego, being married with 3 kids himself. I'm doing pretty well financially but he is very rich, and he spared no expense in pampering her. When a woman loses her sense of self and a cunning man showers attention and money, she will fall.

Ok, there will be those who will check my posts. So be it. I admit I became a different person after too. Women had always found me attractive, and my wife knew how many times I looked away from opportunities for affairs and ONS/FBs. I also entertained often here and regionally and did not generally indulge WLs / FLs even if I paid for them to be with me and my clients. I went into a cold, hard rage and thirsted for revenge. Not only did I indulge when I entertained clients, I went into an orgy of FLs on my own as well as multiple affairs. To my shame, I look back now at my influence on one other marriage that ended, and another that is on the rocks. Am I any better than the bastard I despise? I only started to wake up when I saw 2 good friends of mine whose wives went the same way - and like me both had around 8-10 years of marriage. I don't like the person I became.

My wife took almost 1 year to wake up, to find herself. To summarise, she is more in love with me than ever, and she cannot bear to even think of what had happened. 1 year to realise what a fool she had been, what a bastard the guy was, how she had lost all reason and bearing in life. In the early stages, she drank and popped pills like candy and almost killed herself more than once. She could not live with herself. And when she caught me in 2 of my affairs, she went into a rage, but suppressed it as she had no right to say anything (in her own words). And in my rage, I threw it in her face.

I see a lot of what I went through in your tale. For a sudden and complete change like that, certain things cannot be ruled out. High chance there is someone "providing emotional support" to her and insidiously egging her on. Even if not, she is going through a crisis. If you want to explore counselling options, pls PM me. We had help from some people I am very grateful to that helped her wake up.

As a postscript for myself, I'll just say I'm no longer the faithful hubby any more. Her love for me touches me deeply and it is good that she has found herself and her love for me back. I'm with her but I'm also gone on paths where backtracking is almost impossible.

[GTOKING]

Bro,
Go register a marriage counselling program. The counsellor will act as a mediator between you and your wife to help resolve your marriage issues.
Just google on Marriage Counselling... you will see a lot of community centre offer this kind of program.

Hope its useful to you.

hopefully this statement may help u

cheers

[qwerty66]

Bro leungccsg,
lots of bro and sis here giving you support
dont give up
first you must understand women dont think the same as men
she is taking a break from you and keeping herself busy with her work
if there is no third party involve. let her have be

[sky_liner2]

Hi Leung, .......But, was accused for being possessive. To her, I was smothering her till she felt like she could not breathe......Cheers,THG

Bro Leung, here is a good one from Bro THG about being possessive. The problem is not you but fault is on her. Probably, you have asked a few times about having a baby and she has this thought of you trying to tie her down and this is another meaning of 'possessive'. Sigh, what say more, women these days are not easy to please and understand. :mad:

[qwerty66]

take this time to understand about your relationship
find out where goes wrong and how to make it better
taking to a marriage counsel is a start
meanwhile dont forget about her
make appointment to have simple lunch or dinner with her on weekends or go to her house to keep her company. keep in touch
but remember to keep it minimum to keep your promise to give her time
be ready when she straighten her thinking and run back to you
hope you all the best

[sam_seng]

Leo is a queen and expects to be treated like one.
Leo is highly competitive, and tis may be in their field of work.
Leo is generous AND needs to be needed. She must hv the role of d leading lady.
Leo needs to dominate. She likes weaker men.
Leo needs to be in the centre of attraction.

So, ask urself, after all these yrs, is she getting wat she "needs" from you?

whether or not she's straying, nobody knows at tis point of time.

[dude25002500]

HI dude,

I am sorry to read your post. They say man always die at the hands of woman. I hope you can wake up and stop believing that she is faithful. Its always a tempting world out there. It always sucks to be on the losing side. It doesnt matter how good you are to her. What only matters is the current situation, which is she wants out. No matter how hard you push, its useless. Be courageous and leave her. If you stretch your pain over a period of 10yrs,what you experience now is actually NOTHING.

I suggest you find a PI and protect your own self interests before you lose even more. No one wants to stick to a cry-baby like you.

You can treat a woman like god, but she can still leave you. You can treat a woman like shit, but she can love you like nuts. I learn it the hard way.


May God be with you.

[leungccsg]

thanks bro and sister for giving me the moral support and advice.

my heart still feel very painful though.
i cannot sleep in the night , daytime can't help but to think abt the "hurtful" word you said to be ( be it impluse or real ),

she told me that she wanted me to be emotionally strong during this painful times after she left me. she say how can she ever rely on me if i am so weak if she were to return.
saying that is is also opp of it all. how can i be emotionally strong and prevent nothing has happened esp my only love ran away from me ?

i am trying to cope life without her but was damp difficult and painful.

counselling is a good option unless she is willing to go. ( now she dun want to see me even, how can i ask her to go ??? )

[pro.d.igy]

Loving a person doesn't mean owning her. Doesn't mean keeping her by your side. Doesn't mean you must do everything in desperate attempt to please her. Sometimes, letting her go even when you love her is the right thing to do. :)

Just my $240BN worth. :p

[mystery_man]

Hi bros,


i believed no 3rd party from her is that i have monitor her phones call , emails etc and everything is clean. most important is that i know her character , she will not "eat outside ".




sorry to say this bro, to me it looks like you are trying to console yourself ;)

there must be a reason behind why she shut you out completely ;)

maybe you are not telling the truth.

[sammyboyfor]

Only recently i complained about her doing too much of overtime in office.
such an extend it is almost every 4 out of 5 weekday coming home at 11pm.
one of the weekend also work.


Daily overtime plus a weekend workload???? in the middle of the worst world recession in half a century????:eek: If you believe that crap you'll believe anything!!!:rolleyes:

[leungccsg]

well , i behave like most guys.... if my partner sudden commit so much of her time at work or such rather than me , of coz wild imagination will come.
fear overtook me last time , that's why i started to monitor her emails secretly , check her sms secretly . everything pointed to one fact , she is cleaned.

but due to my past mths complaints of her OT , i said to her is work has taken over me as priority of her life. she did tried over the p[ast mths not to do so much OT and but seems like the work stress is getting onto her and passed onto me.

we still sms each other till today.

i even called her parents and aunt which she is closest to and ask her she is opening up. All of them said she kept quiet to that ques. but she did not mention the word divorce at all.
is this a positive sign ? i dunno. coz she did mention to me via email during our quarrel but lately nothing of such.

but she still dun want to see me.

i asked her if she love me still , she said she gotto think abt it .
is this a good sign as well ? if she wanted a breakup , she would have say she stopped loving me ?

i am confused.

[HCKing]

i hate to say this, but my pt of view is - she wants it out.

the so called cooling off period is 4 her to access if she is able to adjust her life living without u by her side.

reasons wise could be anything, 3rd party, tired of marriage life etc etc. only herself knws.

least likely is due to work problems. no matter hw stressful with work also make no sense to siam husband becos of that wat.:confused:

[BangBalls]

bro... sad to heard this from u.. infact i know how it feels like bro... i can only agree with 1 of the bros here tat u shld get a PI to check on her for the safety of ur own interest. S'pore law is nt friendly to MAN n under woman chapter u will have a lot to lose even if u dun do anythin wrg trust me. I knw this feeling is espcially lousy as u r the more giving n understanding partner in ur marriage... try nt to let this run u over bro.. i knw hw it feels coz im still tryin to recover frm a similiar incident as urs... GD LUCK...

[Frankiestine]

Bro Leungccsg, this is the price you have to pay for remaining filial in a marriage...dude time to wake up and smell the roses..or rather the pussies...

and count yourselves lucky that she is walking out on you now without and kids if not you will be paying for the maintenance and alimony thru your nose..

[leungccsg]

any bros got any good PI to recommend ?

please pm me .

thanks

[leecs]

Im also been a giver just like you thorougout the entire relationship. Last mon we trash everything out. I told her to give us some time on how to continue this marriage. For me, I do not have any more feelings for her because she gave me a ultimatum, She locked the masterbedroom door when i came home late & dont let me sleep inside & made me cant go work because my clothes are inside. I plead & beg her to open the door & she didnt. I might just move on......

[bed69man]

bro... don't be too sure of anything.. suddently work 4 out of 5 days.. not to throw u a wet blanket.. but.. u know..
why not just get PI to re-confirm... pay a few hundred.. and buy a peace of mind.

as for the relationship.. hmm... need sometime to manage... today's woman.. need freedom... that's wat i feel la.. the rest of bro.. i not sure lor...

[leungccsg]

i noticed that my wife is kind of bored .

she is trying to search for lost contact via those facebook , freindster , names database etc.

if she has 3rd party , she would not do that right ?

[Xgenre]

i noticed that my wife is kind of bored .

she is trying to search for lost contact via those facebook , freindster , names database etc.

How do you know all these? You put a program in her laptop or desktop to monitor her? Respect her privacy dude. She may be married to you but she doesn't need to report or justify every action to you.

Can't you treat her like a gf or mistress? I think the problem is you. Control freak.

[SGguy33]

Bro, I'm going to break silence on a painful experience of my own, maybe it will help you. I am in the process of burying this for good, so it's not easy for me.

Women these days are caught under a lot of pressure, from conflicting roles as wife, executive, being their own person etc. It has an immense impact on them that few know about. They start to lose their bearing and identity. They start wanting more out of life. They start feeling that marriage and their love life should have more to offer. Go search on google for midlife crises in women and you will get a better picture. Just as depression was looked down upon as a non medical, trivial condition 50 years ago, this is underestimated by people. It is a serious, debilitating condition that causes them to destroy careers, marriages, and lives potentially.

My own wife went through this. Ironical, since I had been close to a lot of women friends who also went through the same thing, in fact she used to be paranoid I would fall in love with one of them. I never saw it in my own wife. And we just grew apart.

Nothing I did was right or could be right. Absolutely nothing. To save a long winded story, it was pure hell. Now, at this time, another man took advantage of the situation. Being there before, I know that men can sense when a woman is vulnerable - it's simply whether you want to treat them as a friend in need of support and help them, or be a bastard and move in for the kill. Hell, I was tempted before, but ultimately realised that doing so would betray the friendship.

For my wife, this guy simply played mind games with her, giving her the false sense of security and caring that she felt she did not have at home. I would add that my wife came from a well to do, very conservative family and was your typical girl next door, not a slut. In fact, for the 6+ years we courted, we did not have sex. This guy completely screwed her mind over, I could not recognise her when it hit me, and when it happens, it is sudden and total.

I'm not saying that your wife is 100% seeing someone else, but I would say it is 70% probability. And she would never admit it. I went through much of what you are going through, and although she said she was felt miserable with me she was prepared to walk out irrespective of 3rd parties, of coz the guy had a huge influence (she admitted that later). And let me tell you, once I got suspicious I checked a lot of things but proof is VERY hard to find. She diligently deleted smses. Heck the guy and her were even talking and sms-ing in front of me at times; once the bastard even invited me to drinks when he was with her. It's an ego thing of course. She had alternate email accounts and encrypted MSN chats. I talked to her colleagues, friends and family. No one had even a clue.

I caught her only because she made 1 mistake in using her normal email account. And just in time too, as the guy was getting ready to push the button and take her on a trip. She still insists no sex happened up to that point but the damage was already almost beyond salvage. The emotional involvement was extreme, and she was deeply in love with him. And during this time, our sex life was healthy, heck sometimes we did it 2-3 times a day. The affair got her heated up and she took the sexual tension out on me.

The months after was an even worse hell. She went to pieces and stayed on only because of the kids, but made it clear she felt nothing for me, convinced that our love had died, and that she had to sacrifice her true love for the family. Who could live with this right? And this guy was just playing on her emotion for his own ego, being married with 3 kids himself. I'm doing pretty well financially but he is very rich, and he spared no expense in pampering her. When a woman loses her sense of self and a cunning man showers attention and money, she will fall.

Ok, there will be those who will check my posts. So be it. I admit I became a different person after too. Women had always found me attractive, and my wife knew how many times I looked away from opportunities for affairs and ONS/FBs. I also entertained often here and regionally and did not generally indulge WLs / FLs even if I paid for them to be with me and my clients. I went into a cold, hard rage and thirsted for revenge. Not only did I indulge when I entertained clients, I went into an orgy of FLs on my own as well as multiple affairs. To my shame, I look back now at my influence on one other marriage that ended, and another that is on the rocks. Am I any better than the bastard I despise? I only started to wake up when I saw 2 good friends of mine whose wives went the same way - and like me both had around 8-10 years of marriage. I don't like the person I became.

My wife took almost 1 year to wake up, to find herself. To summarise, she is more in love with me than ever, and she cannot bear to even think of what had happened. 1 year to realise what a fool she had been, what a bastard the guy was, how she had lost all reason and bearing in life. In the early stages, she drank and popped pills like candy and almost killed herself more than once. She could not live with herself. And when she caught me in 2 of my affairs, she went into a rage, but suppressed it as she had no right to say anything (in her own words). And in my rage, I threw it in her face.

I see a lot of what I went through in your tale. For a sudden and complete change like that, certain things cannot be ruled out. High chance there is someone "providing emotional support" to her and insidiously egging her on. Even if not, she is going through a crisis. If you want to explore counselling options, pls PM me. We had help from some people I am very grateful to that helped her wake up.

As a postscript for myself, I'll just say I'm no longer the faithful hubby any more. Her love for me touches me deeply and it is good that she has found herself and her love for me back. I'm with her but I'm also gone on paths where backtracking is almost impossible.

Do take note of brother marblecat's post, he's been really good by sharing with us his experience.

I am sure many of us do not want to go down this road.

Please appreciate your other half before it is too late.

[Beemer]

i noticed that my wife is kind of bored .

she is trying to search for lost contact via those facebook , freindster , names database etc.

if she has 3rd party , she would not do that right ?

Perhaps 3rd party... Hopefully not, no man can take it...

[DO_YOU_BJ]

Well said bro MarbleCat.
I went through something almost like you in 05......now she loves me even more than ever...
Wats most important is that she snaps out of her state
If not, watever u wanna do, dun bother cos its be like trying to walk through a wall.
If she's having an affair which is 99.9999999999% probable based on all i read, you find that fucker, you loose even more ground and respect from her.
Your position is not good, thread carefully & do not be impulsive.......
To catch a theif, YOU GOTTA BE A THIEF!
Then you sure will catch!!!!!

[Justsomeone]

Other brothers may call you to consider salvaging such a relationship, but I will let you be the judge of that. I will reply this post base on salvaging the relationship.

Do you know any of her friends?

Because if you do, that will surely help. In such a situation, what her friends or family say will be 100 times more effective than what you say. Approach her friends or family for help. If you talk to her directly you will only turn her off.

Try that avenue. That's about the only avenue left now if you still want to mend the relationship. If you don't know any of her friends/close family, then I don't how to offer you any help already.

Good Luck Bro.

Actually, I have a friend who had this crisis before with his wife. The wife packed up and left for Malaysia, staying with her parents during that period.

However, due to the character of the wife, we knew that friends and relatives will not be able to help.

In your case, TS, you will need to evaluate your wife's character, is she the stubborn type.

If she's stubborn, then you will have to rely on yourself to win her back like what my friend did.

Do you know what are the problems, other than pregnancy, that you have between you and your wife?

From your case scenario, it seems that it has been a long term grudge that she held maybe, dating back even before marriage.

You will need to think back long and hard on what has happened before in the past. Recall the reasons for the arguments and find a common point.

Women do not tell you directly what they want most of the time. Therefore you will need to look for clues on her gestures and speech. Take the time to evaluate each and every of her sentence to 'listen' for any hidden meanings.

Only by solving these issues can you win her back.

My friend was lucky enough to know what were the issues and it was resolved pretty quickly (2 months approximately).

In these type of scenario, much patience and understanding is needed in order to resolve.

Hope this helps you and someone out there

[yang punk]

Bro
When I read the 1st and 3rd page of your thread, I was inclined to agree with all the bros here that she was having an affair outside. From my experience I know this is highly possible...but I will not go into that.

But after reading your 2 postings on page 2...my opinion changed ...


we still have regular sex ( at least 2 times per week ) . in fact duriing that day when she walk out of the house , the same afternoon we have a good kissing and fondling sexxsion ( her aunt visit so cannot do ).

In fact , for the 8 yrs we are married , she has very little friends and seldom goes out with them. she only join the new company 6 mths ago....... and since the start of job...

i noticed that my wife is kind of bored...

well , i behave like most guys.... if my partner sudden commit so much of her time at work or such rather than me , of coz wild imagination will come.
fear overtook me last time , that's why i started to monitor her emails secretly , check her sms secretly . everything pointed to one fact , she is cleaned.

From what you wrote...as quoted above...

I think you are paranoid and have an insecurity and inferiority complex. From the way you write I don't think you draw a high income. You had lost your job and had a hard time getting re-employed? (can you confirm this?) As you mentioned she supported you through your times of difficulties.

She just started in her current employment half a year ago...was it because she was retrenched or company closed down? Is that the reason why she is now working so hard to make sure she doesn't lose her job again? (we do not have enough info to make a conclusion on that) So far we only heard your side of the story...we haven't heard hers!

If you are very well off and have no financial liabilities then I can say why does she needs to work so hard? But if not and have mortgage to pay, perhaps a car loan to service...than we can't blame her for feeling financially insecure, especially if you had lost your job before! Current times ARE bad...VERY bad and will get worst...If you don't have savings to last you a year if unemployed...then I would say she is alot smarter than you.

You want a kid for whatever reasons...have you examine the reasons why she doesn't? Has she a deep seated fear of pregnancy or childbirth? Does she feels that financially you both can't afford to have a child now? You know medical expenses for pre and post natal care can go into the thousands $$$ if there are complications. Earn enough for maid, childcare, child education....

For 8 years your wife has given up her social life for you (you must be the jealous domineering type of guy) and she has suddenly waken up to her boring life and trying to look up her past friends...nothing wrong with that! Even if you love each other very much you are both human and individuals and need the space to socialize... we are not living in the dark ages and you are not an extremist muslim I hope!

Finally you are still having sex with her and could still kiss and fondle even after she moved out? Are you blind as well as stupid? Any woman who is already in love with another man or wants a divorce would not touch you with even a pole! If you do not love your wife anymore and has someone at the side...would you still want to kiss her?

Frankly I say she JUST WANT YOU TO WAKE UP and don't take her for granted. Rekindle your courtship days, romance her, excite her, promise her you will take responsibility financially and not make her worry about future insecurity. Go improve yourself, take up courses, etc, be more ambitious!

Trust her and be very ashamed of yourself for coming here thinking the worst of her!

[axor3333]

Bro

Feel so sorry for you. you are tired and everyday thinking about yr wife wanted out. I suggest you take a break go for some holiday aboard with some fren to reduce the stress build up. give her some space alone when you are not around.


You take care

axor

[leungccsg]

HI guys

i am earning much higher income than my wife.
we are financial stable... to such an extend both of us can stayed unemployed for the next 10yrs with mthly exp of S$10kmax. all loans were paid and no financial liabilities.

why i suggest parenthood is i felt everything material is all 110% ready.

i meet my wife since uni days and even then she has no much friends due to her strict up bringing. in fact , i was the partyboy who scarifice all my social life for her. 10yrs on ( 2 yrs courtship ) , both were so attached to each other though.

this is all real , but defence .

that's why i dun not know this outbrust.

[ChinaFriends67]

Bro Leungccsg, maybe everyone needs a little space to breath from time to time. It could be due her work preassure & stress at her work place. Nevetheless, once she steps home she is encountered with a different level of mental stress from you.

Honestly, I don't recommend you to engaging a PI for this instance. You might be killing your relationship with her by telling her that you no longer trust her.

Sometimes, I feel its best that you just leave her for a while but in the mean time, observe her closely. Should she needs you to be there at certain situation, you just lend out your loving arms to her.

If she is not prepared to have kids, she sure have her reasons for it. Maybe somethings she just do not wants you to be always that worried over her health or self being.

In short, give a a breather space for a while. Maybe it might help her to sort out her own things up in her mind. Cheers up Bro!!! :)

[goodpartner]

marriage counselling ? i want but i guess she will not go. she those kind want to save " face ". she does not want people to know abt this incidents

i noticed that my wife is kind of bored .

she is trying to search for lost contact via those facebook , freindster , names database etc.

if she has 3rd party , she would not do that right ?

Bros, check this Marriage Convention out. Can take it as an outing so she'll not feel as awkard going for private counselling.

Marriage Convention 2009 English (http://blogs.mediacorpradio.sg/marriage09/speakers/)
27 March - 29 March. Only $16 for a couple.

I think such convention will touch the hearts of women more, but that's maybe what you need if it's the wife that's wanting out...

"bring back the wow factor to the vows you have made" :D

Good luck!

[madprick]

Based on my assessment, your wife prob is prob looking for fun...

No need to feel so emotionally hurt. Still do like fishing....release a lil, pull back a lil. Remind her that you love only her.

and she'll come round

[DO_YOU_BJ]

Sometimes its good to turn a blind eye on things......
Like what they say, do not try to find the perfect fix too fast.....give it time and it'll find its own equilibrium................................

[Highjoys]

Sometimes its good to turn a blind eye on things......
Like what they say, do not try to find the perfect fix too fast.....give it time and it'll find its own equilibrium................................

It is true but then do be forgiving... give and take is part and parcel of marriage... nowadays women on equal footing with men though they still wan to be the fairer sex

[meganfox]

You are too needy. You are an open book and very predictable.

I'm sorry if i sound harsh... but women of your wife's social and financial standing want more out of the ordinary. The truth is, she's bloody bored with you.

You want to win her back then start being interesting. Yet, you are what you are, she accepted you as you were when she married you but because she has changed, she realised that you are not what she wants anymore. She doesn't want to talk. She doesn't want to see you...she even locked you out of the master bedroom. What does it say abt your place in her heart?

Sit down and think. Two of you have different values and one of you have to compromise. She is clearly not going to be the one.

What do you do? i suggest you leave her alone but not before telling her this, "i do not have an eternity for you." You have to live your life the way your parents want you to... BE HAPPY. If she doesnt realise her folly, move on. If she turns back, then have a heart-to-heart talk. Being needy and forlorn would not help you if she DOES NOT want to salvage the relationship.

Act like you don't care. See who wins in the end. You are much better off with a girl who appreciates your family values.

Strictly my opinion as a woman, it may not be right.

[ch18]

She is taking u for granted lah........

Leave her alone for a while n just go enjoy yourself.......

[Frankiestine]

You are too needy. You are an open book and very predictable.

I'm sorry if i sound harsh... but women of your wife's social and financial standing want more out of the ordinary. The truth is, she's bloody bored with you.

You want to win her back then start being interesting. Yet, you are what you are, she accepted you as you were when she married you but because she has changed, she realised that you are not what she wants anymore. She doesn't want to talk. She doesn't want to see you...she even locked you out of the master bedroom. What does it say abt your place in her heart?

Sit down and think. Two of you have different values and one of you have to compromise. She is clearly not going to be the one.

What do you do? i suggest you leave her alone but not before telling her this, "i do not have an eternity for you." You have to live your life the way your parents want you to... BE HAPPY. If she doesnt realise her folly, move on. If she turns back, then have a heart-to-heart talk. Being needy and forlorn would not help you if she DOES NOT want to salvage the relationship.

Act like you don't care. See who wins in the end. You are much better off with a girl who appreciates your family values.

Strictly my opinion as a woman, it may not be right.
Geez so every time it is the women who have to get things their way...so guys are not expected to see their women accommodate them in the smallest bit...so we guys have to change for them to adapt to their changes but not vice versa?

[geckoSG]

TS...

A woman starts Facebook, etc when they are bored. Cos you dun have time
for them, or something between both of u happened. They are looking for
alternative liao...

You may think their SMS, EMAIL is clean for now, few more months down the
road, someone comes in fill in their VOID... it will be different... They too
know how to erase track records. Woman are not stoopid when they cheat...

Only carelessness plus you heng heng found out then the cat is out of the
bag...

Perhaps you should give her room to breathe for now, let her go if you really
love her... when she knows u are the best, she will come back to you.

If not, move on with your life... U should have lots of other choices out there
unless U look like Freddie from Friday the Thirteen.

[Marblecat]

Meganfox: Some of what you said is valid. Women of today simply cannot handle the stresses of evolving gender roles and retain the traditional family responsibility. More and more, I see women bleating on and on about finding themselves, about wanting more out of life.

That's crap most of the time. It's just selfishness.

But you are right about the man standing his own ground. In my case, once I recovered from my emotional trauma, I told her to walk if she wanted to. Far be it from me to deny her true happiness. Shattering the illusion by making her face facts is a painful ordeal for both parties. I make no excuses for my behaviour, but I guess that was what prompted me to stray outside myself. Make myself interesting? Oh please, I was a heck more interesting than a lot in her life. It's a truism that people always take what they have for granted and will not appreciate what they have till they lose it. It was up to her to smell the coffee and decide to be happy instead of spitting in the face of what she had been blessed with.

Ah, but no one likes it when the shoe is on the other foot. Having said that, disentangling myself from the emotional fallout and ties to other women is something I'm having to deal with even till today and the foreseeable future.

gecko: you are right about the void being filled. And let me say that when someone goes out looking to find something to fill the void, they will find something out of nothing. And i think you meant "nightmare on elm street" :)

[simple2kee]

Im also been a giver just like you thorougout the entire relationship. Last mon we trash everything out. I told her to give us some time on how to continue this marriage. For me, I do not have any more feelings for her because she gave me a ultimatum, She locked the masterbedroom door when i came home late & dont let me sleep inside & made me cant go work because my clothes are inside. I plead & beg her to open the door & she didnt. I might just move on......

i do agree with bro leecs "I might just move on.." NEVER never be a single GIVER to the "entire relationship." it takes both GIVERS (2 hands) to clap.

[Waxer]

Do take note of brother marblecat's post, he's been really good by sharing with us his experience.

I am sure many of us do not want to go down this road.

Please appreciate your other half before it is too late.

Yes. Please heed Marblecat's story. All marriages have stormy periods. I know for a fact that in most of such cases, unhappy couples who stick it out had reported being much happier 5 years later.

[leungccsg]

hi guys

greatly appreciated all your advise and listening ears.
i am having a hard time emotionally and i am grateful to get this support from you.

i have been talking to my wife parents and my friends who knew her.

there might be another prespective of looking at things rather than the 1st wild imagaintion that she had an affairs.

My wife has always been a very competitive person and always wanted to do well in every aspects. be it in schools , sports , personal beauty etc.

even though we do not lack any money to get back life , but when she joined this new company ....... a lot of opportunities was been offered by her boss ( even though her boss is a bastard who scold her continously ). Right from her 1st job until now , none of her ex companies give her the recognition or authority even though she was a manager. but this time the chance is there.
she is someone who does not like to undermine and now when the boss continously undermine her but in the same time gave her opportunities , all the more she wants to prove to her boss that she is capable. She is the youngest snr mgr within the entire organisation and under her there is a lot of older staff who thinks she is not up to the mark.
in desperation , she might want to prove herself by working doubly hard even extra hours in office so that people will have respect for her.

sfor the past mths , she asked for my understanding even though she never tell me anything of the above ( i guess one ).

when she worked so much overtiime , i wonder why ? no need $$$, she does not like OT since 1st job , dun like her boss , why work so hard ?

of coz in the process , i kept pressuring her to spend more time with me. when she is back everyday at 10pm to 11pm, i knows i am very upset even though i did not let out my fustration. could she be facing work stress and could not bear to face with more stress from her husband ? ( esp she think getting home is getting comfortable , mentally and physically ) but she did not get anything ?

no though i felt very neglected and time spent is purely in bed.
most times she is back , i am asleep . before i woke up , she left for work.

do you guys think this might be the logical answer ?

[sammyboyfor]

hi guys

greatly appreciated all your advise and listening ears.


Should be "Greatly appreciate all your ADVICE and listening ears...".

"Advise" is a verb.

Senior managers who have to work overtime plus weekends obviously don't have a clue about how to manage their depts. If she wants to earn respect, she should learn how to work efficiently and leave on the dot. That's the sort of manager that people look up to.

However, in my opinion, all this hogwash about working late is a load of bull. She's obviously spending time working at things which are outside of her official job description. :D

[Bangster]

hi guys

greatly appreciated all your advise and listening ears.
i am having a hard time emotionally and i am grateful to get this support from you.

i have been talking to my wife parents and my friends who knew her......

Hi there TS,

I didn't bother to read most of the replies as I believe most would dwell on the possibilities of your wife having affairs and such. Not surprising, I'd say, when you post in SBF without too much details revealed in your very first post.

Having read your last post on the demands of her new job and the type of woman your wife is, I would like to offer my own perspective on this matter.

Brudder,
8 years of slogging it out from a junior to senior manager, and what else do your wife still want? 8 bloody years of marriage and you've been wanting and waiting for that bundle of joy to come along, and she's been putting it off (quote, Im not ready, unquote). Ask yourself and her, then when is???

Fact is she's not been balancing the job and the family sides well. Yes, she has her right to have her aspirations. Then why get married in the first place when she is not committed to it?

Before someone here accuses me of treating women as birth-giving machines, I strongly suggest that the person deeply examine and try to understand the meaning of a marriage. In this case, it is very one-sided as quite a few of the replies here have suggested. She has been selfish for too long, TS.

Opportunities are hard to come by, this I agreed without hesitation. But I am a person who will only grab such opportunities only after I consider my wife's well-being and her thoughts. Or else I would greatly regret it have I been neglecting her and then sway sway losing her all because I have been spending too much time away at work. Only to come over here in SBF to pour my sorrows out and get fucked by people.

Well, it's hard being a woman today. Societal norms are not easy for everyone to accept also. But we should not just live for ourselves, what more in a marriage, should we?

[lovehurts]

Sad to hear your story....but i am even sadder to say that i am having a fling with a married woman now. Please don't zap me...i am just telling the truth.

From this experience, I knew that women can hide extra marital affairs better. example, if we had sex in the afternoon during office hour, and when her hubby ask for it at night, she would just say she is tired & did him a BBBBJ & then back to sleep. The hubby will probably be smiling & thought what a caring wife. Believe me, women can have multiple partners at one time, just like men.

On looking through Facebook....she is probably digging some info on her new lover...trying to gather more from the friends he had. I knew this because i do that.

Women are very vulerable during this time. I actually try consoling one of my married GF about her problems. Initially, I tried to help her by telling her good things about her hubby & relationship....until she get fed up & looked elsewhere for emotional support....and ultimately get bedded by other men....easily.

TS for your case, why don't you just go to her workplace during after hours to see if she is indeed working. Secretly of course. If she is lying about her whereabouts....chances are she is having an affair.

[Nesferatu]

Meganfox: Some of what you said is valid. Women of today simply cannot handle the stresses of evolving gender roles and retain the traditional family responsibility. More and more, I see women bleating on and on about finding themselves, about wanting more out of life.

That's crap most of the time. It's just selfishness.

But you are right about the man standing his own ground. In my case, once I recovered from my emotional trauma, I told her to walk if she wanted to. Far be it from me to deny her true happiness. Shattering the illusion by making her face facts is a painful ordeal for both parties. I make no excuses for my behaviour, but I guess that was what prompted me to stray outside myself. Make myself interesting? Oh please, I was a heck more interesting than a lot in her life. It's a truism that people always take what they have for granted and will not appreciate what they have till they lose it. It was up to her to smell the coffee and decide to be happy instead of spitting in the face of what she had been blessed with.

Ah, but no one likes it when the shoe is on the other foot. Having said that, disentangling myself from the emotional fallout and ties to other women is something I'm having to deal with even till today and the foreseeable future.

gecko: you are right about the void being filled. And let me say that when someone goes out looking to find something to fill the void, they will find something out of nothing. And i think you meant "nightmare on elm street" :)

marblecat, totally agreed with u.

When a woman wants out, it boils right down to selfishness. That is one truth women will always deny. Instead they'll come up with 101 reasons to breakup with their spouse & not once, i say again, not once, point the finger at themselves.
Ive been there before. Well, heck, things happen for a reason. And new lessons will always be learn.

[Frankiestine]

When a woman feelings for a man is dead, her heart can be hard as stone and cold as ice...:mad::mad::mad:

[Fowler09]

bro if u hav the finacial capabilites just hired the PI lo.:D tat will solve everyting wll nt everyting of course but whether if she is havin affair

[etpksg]

hi guys

greatly appreciated all your advise and listening ears.
i am having a hard time emotionally and i am grateful to get this support from you.

i have been talking to my wife parents and my friends who knew her.

there might be another prespective of looking at things rather than the 1st wild imagaintion that she had an affairs.

My wife has always been a very competitive person and always wanted to do well in every aspects. be it in schools , sports , personal beauty etc.

even though we do not lack any money to get back life , but when she joined this new company ....... a lot of opportunities was been offered by her boss ( even though her boss is a bastard who scold her continously ). Right from her 1st job until now , none of her ex companies give her the recognition or authority even though she was a manager. but this time the chance is there.
she is someone who does not like to undermine and now when the boss continously undermine her but in the same time gave her opportunities , all the more she wants to prove to her boss that she is capable. She is the youngest snr mgr within the entire organisation and under her there is a lot of older staff who thinks she is not up to the mark.
in desperation , she might want to prove herself by working doubly hard even extra hours in office so that people will have respect for her.

sfor the past mths , she asked for my understanding even though she never tell me anything of the above ( i guess one ).

when she worked so much overtiime , i wonder why ? no need $$$, she does not like OT since 1st job , dun like her boss , why work so hard ?

of coz in the process , i kept pressuring her to spend more time with me. when she is back everyday at 10pm to 11pm, i knows i am very upset even though i did not let out my fustration. could she be facing work stress and could not bear to face with more stress from her husband ? ( esp she think getting home is getting comfortable , mentally and physically ) but she did not get anything ?

no though i felt very neglected and time spent is purely in bed.
most times she is back , i am asleep . before i woke up , she left for work.

do you guys think this might be the logical answer ?

Hi TS,

I shared the same exprience as you 10years ago.(90% similar; we will so loving, no kids, and thing can changed over the night) But I did not allowed this to drag as long as its could; I beared all the pain once(be a man) just want to know the truth, I hired a PI and within 3~5days you will make the final/right decision to resolve the issue back in your head. Indeed my ex-wife was unfaithful to me. At the point of time, I was lost but fortunate enough to have my family members and friends there to support me. After the incident, I divorced her and have enjoyed my bachelor life for a year plus till I met my current wife. Today, I have 2 kids; 1girl & 1boy; my life had changed compared to the past...more meaningful and fruitful.

I not trying to ask you to hire a PI and prove your wife is unfaithful, but at least in a short time you will know the truth; rather than guessing here & there causing sleepless night and moody at day.

Just to share...

[yang punk]

OK Bro... yours is not a case of money but ambition and pride. Maybe your wife is beautiful with model like figure and she doesn't want to get fat and frumpy by getting pregnant. She is ambitious and kiasu... going on maternity leave will retard her climb up the corporate ladder.

I know cos my wife too was ambitious. She aborted our 2nd child becos she felt that 2 pregnancies in quick succession will kill her career so she rather kill a life. She too worked under a bitch of a boss and coming back after midnight is a common occurrance.

So what did I do? Give my love to someone else. Had my affairs in the office. Not short term flings but lasting several years each. Yah they are someone else's wives...who are also neglected by their husbands... hahaha the world is fair.

I am still married but living a double life with someone who loved me for being me, someone who said she is lucky to have me! Between wife and me? There is no love lost...my heart is dead so far as she is concern although she did finally gave up her 'stressful' job in exchange for teaching. But by then it is too late.

Well you too can spend some time to rationalise life with your wife before giving up. Tell her all the possible consequences of her actions. If she has made up her mind to put her ambition before you then for a guy it is never too late. I was 40 when I found my soulmate and she was only 20 at that time. A better bargain I cannot hope for!

[powerman61]

Bro,

After reading yr problem wif yr wife, I can tell u that u are the one who spoil her too much by giving in and doing everything. Now she thinks u are not MAN enuf and is giving u the "lan chiau". For me, my wife also dam independent and a super high flyer. I never allow her to boss me around at home, I make sure she do her housework (I help when I feel like it) and scolds her if she comes home late. I dun give a shit and I tell her that I am the boss and she is to leave her "boss attitude" in her own office. Come back home, she is the little woman. Its been 20 yrs and its working fine and she crawls home like a mouse and shakes when I am not please. She worries when I dun call her darling and worries that I go and eat outside. Sometimes u just gotta act the "bastard".... 男人不坏，女人不爱... women love being under a strong leadership. Of course, I shower her with love and stuff but hey...I AM THE MAN who wears the pants in the house...not her. Make sure she knows that.

In yr situation, u shud now be the MAN....dun call her and go enjoy yrself...stop pitying yrself at home and looking like a sissy...its not going to make her come back. Of course dun get caught with yr pants down with another woman!!!

Good luck to u bro.... its going to be a long hard road for you.

[old_yet_horny]

TS...


Not every women are the same...

Some very career minded (like urs).. some not...

If so far what you have written is true enough... Let her concerntrate on her work.. If her office job is so stressful and hectic, she will burn out really fast. Who knows?? Maybe few more months, she will quit her job...

I would not point straight to the direction that she is having any affair but it do have a small percentage but nothing is proven till caught in the act right?? Be fair to her in this case... I think she just feels that you are bothering her with something she is not ready yet... Machiam those insurance agents keep pestering you to buy policies that you dun really have any interest... (just stating an example and sorry to offend any agent bros..:o)


I would suggest that you put the idea of having a kid till later stage when she is more ready to it... Having a kid now may cause further complicaiton to your marriage becos its not what she wanted and no point forcing...

Take a short break away from each other but do still keep in contact like sending smses or making phone calls to ask about her well being instead of quarelling...

Given enough dosage of such attention... she will soften down...come home and slowly you and her can work things out again.

Its not about being who wears the pants at home or what but its a 8 years marriage and to let it go like that is really a waste... Until beyond the point of no salvage... Divorce is the last move I can ever think of... But each and everyone have their own threshold...

Dun give up yet... if you really want her back.. let things chill but like other bros have said... dun let your wife catch you having "fun" outside...

[chito]

bro leung,

after reading your posts, I cannot help but make several observations.

1. Is your wife happy in the marriage? It seems like she may be trapped in an unhappy marriage. Just because you are providing for everything does not mean that she is happy. Women nowadays are very different from women of the past.

2. You mentioned that she is very competitive. Could it be that she is focussing on her career as she is trying to establish or prove herself in the new company? Maybe your demand to spend more time with her is stressing her out more?? I remember when I made a drastic career move, working long hours and over the weekends, my wife was there to provide me all the support that I needed. you mentioned that she did ask for you understanding for working long hours.

3. You are behaving like a weakling. Women generally do not like men who show sign of weakness. As you have mentioned, she has made that remark about you. The previous post also mentioned about women liking bad guys. so may be its time to be bad?

4. Another bro has mentioned that you have posted many FRs. Could it be that problems was already there before she moved out. You are having sex at least twice a week and you are still eating out, so even you are not happy in the marriage.

5. You want kid, wife dont want. I think that must be related to her career-mindedness. She don't want to be tied down and look like a frumpy old woman.

6. You mentioned that you asked if she still loves you and she said she need to think about it. you are happy with this response? Think again brother!!!!

So my analysis:

Sorry bro, I am a litle more direct. Love has vanished from this marriage. Or from what I see, its only one way. From you to her.

Take care and be strong.

[broken]

bro leungccsg,

My advise is seek help from a family counsellor immediately.

I am going thru almost the same problem as you. For me it's been almost 3 months. The pain of lost is still there.

If you still love your wife, and think the marriage is worth saving for please do see a family counsellor real soon. I never thought I need to... for me it's too late, but i am still getting counselling otherwise I am not sure how I would have get thru the past months.

Here's a URL >Care Corner Singapore - Family Service Centres,Counselling Centres,Elderly Centres,Student Care (http://www.carecorner.org.sg/)

Hope it will help you.

I wish you all the best, may you have a blissful life ahead. No matter what happens.

[mayday]

this saying.... nu ren xin, hai di zhen... time to re-look your life bro. best of luck to u in watever u do. :)

[tiko_tao]

headache man bro. :(

[Show Stopper]

Bro TS, all i can say is...stop asking ur in-laws or whoever close to her to psycho or check on her. This will only make the matter worse...believe me...she will only find u more irritating. Maybe u could juz tell her tat u've straightened ur thoughts and am sorry for giving her so much pressure and being not understanding enough. Then bring out the fond memories tat u've had with her in the past maybe during the courtship time. Tell her tat u will be more supportive towards her work in future and not force her to do things tat she does not want to do. Lastly, tell her tat u miss her very much and will wait for her patiently to come back to u.

All the above might be useful provided tat ur wife is not cheating on u. All the best to u! ;)

[breast-talk]

Bro TS,
why not arrrange some section with marriage counsellor. It will help both of you. Your wife may tell the truth what is in her mind to the counsellor.From there you may find out the problem rather than guessing here n there or suspecting her. It may end up more misunderstanding.

take care

[cereal-killer]

all I can say is, your wife already have some one, very likely in her office
go check her out after her work, you'll be surprised

:(

[sammyboyfor]

bro leungccsg,

My advise is seek help from a family counsellor immediately.




Should be "My ADVICE is to seek help...".

"Advise" is a verb.

[broken]

Thanks sammy for the quick grammar correction.

My mind is obviously not working...

[broken]

I am not sure about getting a PI, unless a divorce is inevitable. Then get a PI will protect your interest.

Trust me, the more you know the more painful it gets.
Do you want to know the truth? Do you need to know the truth?
What if you know... are you ready to forgive and forget.

If your wife wants to reconcile, she will tell you the truth eventually. Otherwise it is a waste of money, and a hell lot of pain.

I am ready to forgive... but I never forget. I now wish I never found out the truth.

Till today, I have to rely on pills to sleep on the weekend.

Think about it... have a good life

[leungccsg]

yesterday, she took the initiative to sms me.

Her sms : " Had your lunch ? i am having bad day at
work so not in best of moods today".

my sms : what happen ? R u crying ?

her sms : nope.. just fyi.

my sms : hugs to u. if u need a listening ear, i will be there for u.

is this a good sign ? that when she faced with saddest , she comes back to me ?

[qwerty66]

well, it is something and shows you are not complete lost.

take your cool, keep your distance and let her have her space but your string still attach.

have a life yourself meanwhile and be interesting. new hobby, sports? something wild? makes her notice you again.

fyi her on your updates to make her wonder....:cool: her lost not yours!

[pewpew]

Yes at least she comes to u instead of other guys...

Meaning u should give her a break n let her brain rest... :D

[Ange|Boy]

My opinion Bro after reading your post is that she might take you as a life jacket. I think when your wife married you she must have just started work so emotional not very stable yet.

Being too perfect in a guy does not help too. It is true that bad guys get the most gals. There is a bit of scientific in it. Gals tend to want to contribute to the house or relationship, it helps them to build emotional attachments, by doing everything for her, you deprive your wife of a chance to build emotions or connections with things around her.

If u notice, gals tat always complain that their bf or husband have a lot of bad habits tend not to break off with the guy compare to gals who dun complain too much

I think that sometimes you just have to relax and let her fly a bit, sooner or later she will know that there is no place like home.

Just my 2 cents worth.

[leungccsg]

this is he 1st weekend after she left.

yesterday, we had a nice chat and i just ask her out for a date .
take it as dating , restart our romance again.

she replied " too quick ".

i thought i was getting some headway but then, it back to square one.

[gilagila100]

this is he 1st weekend after she left.

yesterday, we had a nice chat and i just ask her out for a date .
take it as dating , restart our romance again.

she replied " too quick ".

i thought i was getting some headway but then, it back to square one.

Sorry, no offence but is this what you really want in your life ??

To be at the mercy of woman that can anyhow give u heart pain n confusion without any apparent reasons ??

Some people can take it but sorry that person is not me.

And if you have doubts about this as well, you better think twice as well.:cool:

[Gentle Beast]

this is he 1st weekend after she left.

yesterday, we had a nice chat and i just ask her out for a date .
take it as dating , restart our romance again.

she replied " too quick ".

i thought i was getting some headway but then, it back to square one.

Wrong move. If you are serious about wanting your wife back, DON"T CONTACT her. Keep it that way and if she calls, DON"T answer. See what happens next. If she's not coming back, she's not worth it. And if she's willing to return, make sure you state your terms. So, are you man enough Bro?

[lacoruna69]

Sorry, no offence but is this what you really want in your life ??
To be at the mercy of woman that can anyhow give u heart pain n confusion without any apparent reasons ??
Some people can take it but sorry that person is not me.


I had been reading this thread with interest and somehow I feel that TS is more like a WIMP. No offence hor.
Be like a MAN, if she wants out, just let her be.

Maybe I'm not married, that's why think like that.

[Longitude]

If you love her just give her what she wants. Loving a person entails ensuring her happiness.

[leungccsg]

well ........ this weekend is another heartache weekend as i made some discovery.

i chanced upon my wife secret email account. in her email, i discovered that she is going to someone for comfort and outpour of the emotions. bros might be thinking ....... " you see ...... affairs ! ". but i do not really see that happening to such extend, but more of going to the person due to emotional support.

in fact i knew this guy as well. he was an ex-boss in her ex-employer way back in 2004. the guys is married with 2 kids since then.
my wife did not go to him only after 2007 to confide in him her problems and through her emails , she is secretly going out with him whenever there is chance ( though chances were 99% no way ). sms or msn him when i am not in home.

when i ask my wife on sat initially , she deny any contact with him until i produced the evidence which she finally admitted that she see him as a very close friend whom she can relate to for her emotional support. Nothing physical ad sexual. she also say she stopped contacting since last yr july 08 , something which is in line with the last email date as well. ( truthful ).

in all the emails, it is the guys who is declaring the love and fondness for her and i found nothing in the email that she say she loves him , missed him etc.

i told my wife , can a friend be a good friend when he make use of her emotion and declares his love for her when he is married ? can you still see him as good friend ?
well, all i can say is maybe my wife desperately need someone to listen to her , and i was not there for her. this guy was there and even though he said or declared the love to her , she did not tell him off for fear that this emotion support is gone ( positive thinking only )

somehow, i was not angry but rather pretty disappointed.

why ? i was thinking that she went out to other guy is for emotion support as she say she cannot get it from me. the guy's look and built is identical to me. is she looking for a subsitute for me in him ?
i reflected on myself, i could not blame her 100% as i am no saint either. she stray as she could not find the support from me.

i am prepared to forgive if she is back with me.

any bros have any comment ?

statistics ( i think so )
free time for her to go out w/o me: 10% ( except during work )
sexual acts : 0% from the emails
physical ( kissing / hugging/ etc) : i dunno
he like her : 110%
she like him : 50% ( she is those stubborn but knew the guilt of unfaithful )

[LiBai]

You should start by forgiving her. It shouldnt matter whether she is going back to you.

[Marblecat]

Bro, if you re-read my first couple of posts in this thread, you will realise that this is pretty much what I thought was happening.

They may not have had sex yet, but it's just a matter of time. And I can tell you lines will have been crossed, even if it is mainly emotional and or lightly physical.

An affair, forgetting legal definitions for a moment, is about breaking the intimate exclusivity of a marriage - it is already happening. Ask yourself - why the need for a secret email account (one of the big warning signs I told you about). Was there correspondance wit hanyone else from that account? It is likely she has more than 1 such account. 1 for her close friends / siblings that she may confide in. 1 just for him.

You need to start trying to wake her up. And fast.

This guy is milking it, has been milking it, and is not goign to stop out of the goodness of his heart.

Your wife is now torn. Ask yourself what you are prepared to do to get her back.

[sammyboyfor]

sexual acts : 0% from the emails


Let me tell you he has fucked her for sure... 110% :D That's what men do. ;)

[Bangster]

Let me tell you he has fucked her for sure... 110% :D That's what men do. ;)

That's what you wished would happen, or have happened.

That's what people running such a site do.

[LostALau]

Let me tell you he has fucked her for sure... 110% :D That's what men do. ;)

I do not agree to your statement. I have some female friends who confide in me and come to me for emotional support but I have no intention to fuck them. You are like the kung fun actor Jackey Chan who tried to pull all men into the sea when he himself fell into it. We may be fuckers but we dont just fuck any females that come along. However, I will just take what u said as a satire and have no wish to enter into any debate on it.

[leungccsg]

in fact , she used that secret email account mainly for her to maintain the same network of people of the same profession as her. Like a business network stuff.

yes ....it hs crossed the line definately.
with or without sexual relations........ no doubt.

i am prepared to take her back.

am i plain stupid ?

[Xgenre]

am i plain stupid ?

Yes, you are. I think it's illegal for you to hack into her email. If she turns around and go to the police, you are in deep trouble.

[LostALau]

yesterday, she took the initiative to sms me.

Her sms : " Had your lunch ? i am having bad day at
work so not in best of moods today".

my sms : what happen ? R u crying ?

her sms : nope.. just fyi.

my sms : hugs to u. if u need a listening ear, i will be there for u.

is this a good sign ? that when she faced with saddest , she comes back to me ?

It is indeed a good sign. As a good husband, u have to lend her your ears, be it a small talk, a gossip, a trivial complaint about her work etc etc.
Every individual, man and woman alike (especially woman) likes to have someone to confide in and speak to in order to destress. If your wife can't find it in you, she will turn to any other. If she finds it in a man who has intention to fuck her, he will one day succeed, so you better make sure you are the one who fucks her and not another man. Pl excuse me if I have used too much vulgarity. If you don't like it, dont fuck me back, just 'make love' to me. :p

[leungccsg]

as mentioned in my earller post , i called up that guy on the weekend and ask him abt the incident.

at first he denied and then he say he has the liking for my wife ( she is very popular ), but he maintain he has stopped contacting her and nothing of sort of an affairs.

my call to him is to demend him to stop all contact and funny acts.

he even say he is not afriad that i am talk to his wife as he has not done anything wrong ( maybe physical ). or maybe he does like my wife and made his advances but my wife rejected him ( something which i do not know why both of them stopped contacting each other for 6 mth liao ).

after my call to him , he gave my wife a call to ask what has happened ?

my wife called me saying that she has stopped contacting him and right now i am opening up a can of worms again .

shuld i try to get back to the guy ( bash me or destroy his reputation or family )

or i just let it rest ?

[OldTrafford]

TS, from what you posted, I too feel that your wife might have taken for granted the type of treatment you've been providing... and her 'overtime' and reaction from your complaining is indeed very suspicious.

She might not be involved with any 3rd party... but don't be so sure yet for your own good.

[et911]

Really agree with some bros here. TS, you are a control freak, I would say you have overlooked your wife giving in to you as well.

If you love your woman, treat her with respect. If she doesn't want to have a baby, which is probably due to her desire to progress further in her career, why cant you wait? Marriage is a two person issue. Having a baby is an even bigger issue and decision for both parties.

Just because you want to have a baby she has to give in? Have you asked yourself, why do you want to have a baby? Have you asked her, why doesnt she want to have a baby? Why cant you compromise with her instead of she compromising with you? Why not come to a joint compromise? Pardon me for sounding blant, it come across to me that you are the only "right" party here, painting picture she is in the wrong etc.

You probably pushed her to her limits before she left the house! No wonder she needs to seek solace outside from other men. YOU made her so!

If she works late, it means she is having affairs outside? I am not sure why kind of line you are in, if you do not have OT, it doesnt mean she cant have. Flip it over, if you are the one having the OTs, reach home and see your wife sleeping everytime you reach home at 11pm, how would YOU feel?

You are being totally selfish here! Why cant you reach home, take a short nap, wake up at around 11pm when she gets home so that you can have some small chats with her instead? Or go better by going to pick her up from her work, have some small supper sometimes? Wait up for her, ask her how's her day before going for your beauty sleep, that so difficult? You sleep earlier than her and wake up later than her, how much beauty sleep do you need?

Everyone deserves a career, whether you have 100times of your current salary savings are bullshit. You come across to all that you are very proud of your achievements, and the only thing you are unhappy is bacause she wouldnt "listen" to you to have a baby, i.e., have things your way. You are now "lost" because she deliver a blow back to you by leaving the house, and do not know how to counter punch back at her.

If you can be successful in your career (assuming so since you can live 10 years on a 10k monthly budget without working, you must be earning top dollars and have huge amount of cash savings), why can you give a her a chance to prove herself at the top too?

In short, if you love your woman, treat her with respect. She is not your baby producing machine, if you get upset with her because she doesnt want to have a baby, it is fair to her to be upset because you are forcing her to have a baby. Have you been a parent? Do you know how much it takes for a woman to carry a baby for about 10 months and delivering the baby (which is literally one feet in the coffin for them, ask any woman who has delivered whether it is easy)? Do you know if she is having phobia on pregnancy? Could it be something medically that she has kept away from you?

Take that ego off yourself if you still love your wife. Treat her with respect and I am sure she will give you back 10 times what you deserve. For all your know, she will be more than willing to be your baby producing machine (puns intended).

You only want her back, but you will not know what to do to her when she is back, so why want her back in the first place? Say she is back today, it is going back to the same routine, is that what you want? Is that what she wants? That is probably the reason why she still chooses not to come back.

I do not apologize for being blunt, you come across to me as an egoistic man who wants his woman to listen to his everything, keep moaning about her shortcomings etc. Anyone perfect out there? Are you perfect?

I feel from your posts that you think you are. If you cant accept the fact that she is strong will too, go get a baby producing machine outside, it is cheap to keep mistresses nowadays. Let them produce your babies and suck your money dry instead. They will stroke your ego to the extreme too.

If you love her, you will know what to do. Good luck.

[Marblecat]

No TS, you are not stupid, just a decent man who loves his wife. But be forewarned this is a long path of potential extreme pain and frustration, and you might not succeed, because ultimately, you need her to want to try too.

You need to watch yourself with this guy. He probably would have told her crap like how he was disconnected with his own wife, sob stories about his kids, given her a feeling about how they share the same sense of disillusionment with their marriage, and how he feels so sorry but cannot help how he feels etc. As long as your wife is vulnerable he may still try his luck. Don't do anything illegal. There are other ways. Your actions against him, (if any) for now, is simply to win your wife back. Revenge is a dish best served very, very cold.

lostALau: it depends how good a manipulator the other guy is. It's not hard to drive a woman to the point where nothing her husband does is right, such is her negative mindset. It's a vicious cycle, she'll feel disconnected with the hubby while in denial that her contact with this other man had made the situation a lot worse than it actually was or could have been. In other words, whatever marital problems could have been sorted out with less heartache with proper counselling if need be, but she chose to open up to someone else, and if this person is so disposed, he can play her mind like a violin. I don't care how intelligent she may be, she has lost herself. In the initial stages, she might even find it even more saddening that the husband and her has lost their "connection", spiralling the negativity quotient.

[et911]

dupe post deleted

[Bangster]

...or i just let it rest ?

Let it rest lah. It's not a win-win situation if you pursue.

This is the point where you have to live up to your words when you say you are prepared to take back your wife.

So, if you really are prepared, forget the past and look to the present.

Just revel in the fact that you have a gorgeous wife who has never failed to make men hard in their pants (quote, she is very popular, unquote) and the important thing is, she's YOURS and not anybody else's.

Now work towards reconciliation. She has taken that first step to sms you. Don't open up that can of worms like she'd mentioned. I am 100% sure she is feeling very bad about confiding in someone else. But do not blame her entirely because you might have neglected her and moreover, she's stopped all contact with that guy. She must have awoken from the stupor she was in so don't dwell on the past.

As for that guy, I can tell you he is just putting up a front acting tough. "Not afraid that you talk to my wife" ? I am not too sure myself. Of course, maybe nothing physical has happened. But it doesn't take his wife to blow things up once she learnt that her husband had feelings for someone else's wife.

But then again, there's really no point to pursue the matter since your wife is showing positive signs towards you. The above scenario was written to soothe your ego but it can also be very real.

[sammyboyfor]

Everyone deserves a career, whether you have 100times of your current salary savings are bullshit. You come across to all that you are very proud of your achievements, and the only thing you are unhappy is bacause she wouldnt "listen" to you to have a baby, i.e., have things your way. You are now "lost" because she deliver a blow back to you by leaving the house, and do not know how to counter punch back at her.


Women should not have careers. A woman's place is at home. Her job is to cook, clean, produce offspring and look after the kids.

It's about time women are put in their place. They have been running wild far too long. :rolleyes:

[leungccsg]

bros and sis,

i took your comments seriously

et911 :
i asked her for pregnancy since our 3rd yr of marriage. now it was 8th yr.
is that call compromise or being patient ?

plus , i told her getting a baby is out of love and committment.
but to choose baby over her ? i choose her 110%

secondly , when she comes home late after OT , i always wait for her. after she settled , i would try make small talk but everytime she say she is too tired. we have our own cars , so picking her up is not ideal. going out supper ? she is too tired ?

i even waited out for her to come home so that we can have dinner together.

you made a good point , do i want her back just to have her back ?
what am i going to do if the routine continues ?
i told her last week in fact in my earlier email abt understnding her work stress and proving herself etc ...... so i just want to be her understnding husband.

did i miss out anything ?
i will try anything just to win back this relationship.

[et911]

Women should not have careers. A woman's place is at home. Her job is to cook, clean, produce offspring and look after the kids.

It's about time women are put in their place. They have been running wild far too long. :rolleyes:

I beg to differ. Without women in the the work force, how can men get FBs, OLs to drool on, FOCs offer from ladies of all ages trying to hit their sales quotas?? :D:D

[bunnyrabbit]

think. if she can walk out so easily the first time, who's to say there wun be another? if it is the guy who did this act, he be labelled as irresponsible..so think carefully..

[sammyboyfor]

I beg to differ. Without women in the the work force, how can men get FBs, OLs to drool on, FOCs offer from ladies of all ages trying to hit their sales quotas?? :D:D

Do what was the norm in the good old days... fuck them in their homes while the husband is out at work. That's what the milkmen, the window cleaners and various salesmen did in days past and it's still happening with maids and the expat community.

[newyorker88]

well, all i can say is maybe my wife desperately need someone to listen to her , and i was not there for her. this guy was there and even though he said or declared the love to her , she did not tell him off for fear that this emotion support is gone ( positive thinking only )



i am prepared to forgive if she is back with me.



HAve both of you consider seeing a marriage consultant?

Most of the time, trouble boils when both parties cannot get their thoughts thru each other.

I salute you for your ability to forgive her. As for her friend, whom you believe she is in close contact, tell him to stay away physically. Things can go wrong in time to come, and your wife will regret, and so will him. He is married too with 2 kids? Surely, I hope your wife dont go an break up other's family too.


Hoping for the best for both of you.

[et911]

TS,

Very simply - you got to understand what is going through her mind. Getting her to speak out could be difficult. I am not a marriage counsellor or uncle agony, I cant give you tips and tricks on how to sian your wife back.

There are little things in life which women will notice and men will not. Buy her little cards and put in your thoughts sometimes, if you ever get back together. Tell her you appreciate her work commitments etc., cook her a little special something sometimes. Sian char bo only what, I am sure you know how to do it one, treat her like when you guys were courting.

If you say you will chose her over the baby anytime, tell it to her and promise her that you would not bring up the topic again, and keep to the promise. You may be in for a pleasant surprise later!

Going out for a meal together is just an example. Sometimes hugging each other to sleep could even have better effect. I am not sure your bedroom routines or habits, sometimes, just hug and sleep, and not have sex. Or prepare her bath for her, put in on a card, tell her her bath is ready for her, ask her to soak in the tub for a while to relieve her stresss for the day etc. There are so many things to do, I cant tell you all of them!

If you give the lady the feeling she is not your sex machine, and she will desire you even more.

Tell her that you want to be an understanding husband no use lah brother, you must do it and prove it to her. Little thoughts help, and confronting her with her association with her friends wouldnt help.

If I am the man whom you have called and confronted, I would have laugh my head off and share it with all my friends that a dick head just called me because he is having problems with his wife, you have definitely stroke HIS ego.

See what you have done? You just dug a bigger hole for yourself.

BTW, you do not need to see a counsellor together, you can go see them YOURSELF first. Let a third party tell you your problems would be good.

[et911]

Do what was the norm in the good old days... fuck them in their homes while the husband is out at work. That's what the milkmen, the window cleaners and various salesmen did in days past and it's still happening with maids and the expat community.

That is a good idea too, but without the make up, killer dresses etc., there will be zero interest.

I doubt I will go to screw an aunty at her house. Zero desire for those women. :cool:

[newyorker88]

i am trying to cope life without her but was damp difficult and painful.

counselling is a good option unless she is willing to go. ( now she dun want to see me even, how can i ask her to go ??? )


For cases like this, it is better to get your inlaws( if you trust them) to meditate between you and your wife.

Usually, it takes someone to break the ice and find out what's happening. Approach her parents. TELL them whats happening between both of you and ask your in laws to help out. Afterall, they are her parents, and should know her well.

Sorry to say I cant go thru all the post here, thanks to so many brother's support, but I kind of figure out that she is the conservative type and hold up all the things inside her.

[deptrai4u]

Women should not have careers. A woman's place is at home. Her job is to cook, clean, produce offspring and look after the kids.

It's about time women are put in their place. They have been running wild far too long. :rolleyes:

I agree... and if anyone check the manuscript of any ancient wisdom, including the Bible, you will all see this point made extremely clear. In 3rd world countries where lifestyle is nothing close to affluent compared to places like Singapore, women there really lives in accordance to those good-old values.

My view is this.. the situation here seems to be BER (beyong economical repair). It is NOT an impossible situation, but its a question of whether is it worth it to go thru all those troubles!?? My view is always one that Singapore women are way way too much and too wrap up with idealism of men=women in terms of all rights.

For example, I work and my wife doesn't and she cost me more than S$3500 every month, on top of it still got car and maid which I pay. Before the maid came into the picture, when at home she will shout at me for not helping out at house work.. why I cannot shout back to ask her to help me make some money and bring back home??? Is this men=women!??? Is this fair?

I was in similar situation before as TS, and I am a good manipulator and with lots of techniques and time and effort and heartache i won my wife back. Its was such a sweet victory that she even finally planning to have kids with me.. and when son arrives, she totally devoted to taking care of son and I retain only the role of ATM with voice recognition capability(whenever need money, just poke her finger at me and tells me the figure...). Sex is out of the equation totally and she does not even sleeps in same room as me.

Then thru some turn of events, 1 day at home she suddenly initiated sex and soon we get 1 more daughter. For the past 5 years, no sex, for the past 8 years.. 1 time!

And now my role has even degraded further to phone banking.. whenever need money she send SMS. and totally no talking anymore, no quarrel.. not even hello and bye when i come home or leave home.

In my view... Singapore girls are just gonna be Singapore girls... and maybe the blame is NOT entirely on the ladies.. i would say a big share of the blames goes to the society, the education and the men as well, especially men like the TS who have set the wrong expectation from the beginning due to his education and the messages he gets from the society about how he should treat a women. I am NOT laughing at the TS, I was just like him before!

So this is the way of the Singapore women and if you can live with it .. you are like a frog in the dark damn well and if you live and die in the dark damn well, then its perfectly fine cos you will never know what you are missing in your little miserable life.

As for me.. i had the fortune of a job that takes me to places.. and when I travel, i see a totally different world and experience a totally different perspective of what I should deserve and found ladies who are too glad to pamper me like a big baby everyday and every night. I had the opportunity to unlearn all those rubbish that the education system, the society and my mother taught me about being nice to ladies... i became a bossy guy and a demanding guy, not really a nasty guy though.. and that has been a big TURN ON for the ladies in my life so far. By the way I am not talking about WL and commercial sex.. i am talking about ladies who can put down everything and start a new life together with me. Now looking back, if I had been wrapped up in my little Singapore lifestyle, I would have died with FULL OF REGRETS.

For TS, my advice is this... the sea is full of fishes.. dun give up the forest just because of 1 tree. If you feel that you have been victimised and unfairly treated, stop the self pity.. re-train, re-arm and seek justice elsewhere. By going round and round in little circles like this will bring you a lot more frustration, more heartache and you will get no-where at all.

Meantime let ur ambitious wife take her own fucking sweet time to think to cool to reconsider to reconcile to do whatever fuck thing she wants to do! That is already beyond your control and from what I have read (all the 9 pages) you are totally not equipped to handle her at all, so forget it for the moment and go for a STOP-LOSS position.

The irony is this... there is a high chance that if you do these things I am talking about, it may be the fastest way for her to come back to you... and then its your turn to ask her to cool off as you need time to reconsider this relationship... To brudders whom are firm believers of "men not nasty, girls dun like" you will fully understand what I mean.

So TS, take a break... stop banging ur head against the wall for now... do yourself some justice.

[geckoSG]

Let me tell you he has fucked her for sure... 110% :D That's what men do. ;)

I agreed with BOSS

[Fowler09]

seriosly even if u were to qns ur wifes boss if they did anyign funny. if i were ur boss wife n i did hav an affair with her, i don tink i will admit. so why shd he admit if he did. i believe every post made by bros here hav their their own pt throught the tings tat they hav exp b4 so everyone is rite in their own way. most imptally i believe is to learn to let go. seriously there is no pt in hanging over a realationship, like wat u hav describe to us.but of cos u may beg to differ. if u tink u realli love her n want her back be patient n touch her with ur actions.
all the best.

[BKnight]

Bro leecs or leungccsg

Well done...

2 Threads and 2 side of YOUR STORIES!!!

http://www.sammyboyforum.com/matters-heart/107365-local-girls-15.html

What exactly are you seeking?

[AngelEye]

sigh.. there goes another good man... how come i dun get to meet all the good men, but meet them only after they are married... sigh!

[mike1304k]

sigh.. there goes another good man... how come i dun get to meet all the good men, but meet them only after they are married... sigh!

I'm not sure what your definition of good men is, but just like there are tonnes of god women around waiting to love a man, there are also tonnes of men who are waiting for someone to love them. The big problem is that we all have our own little hang ups and also expectations and this causes us all, guys and girls to have an unrealistic take in life. Just take for example a girl who wants to have a guy who has a Nice Car, Credit Cards with high limits, (still unspent hor) and Company and Condo.... Yea... so if he has so much to bring into the relationship... what can the girl bring into it?? Or a guy who wants to have Fiona Xie lookalike with great body, great GFE feelings, great company, great cook and so on.... then what can he bring into the relationship? So it is a quid pro quo sort of a thing lah...

There may be a Fiona Xie lookalike who holds a good job and a good pay, she wants only a nice man who will care for her and love her for what she is... but people will think "waaaahhh so pretty... sure cannot afford her maintenance..." then she won't get asked... If she makes herself available... people will call her a slut... no win situation... The guy also same... ask any girl out.. kenna called hard up... don ask... also kenna branded gay... No win situation caused by our silly society...

If you want a nice guy or good guy, just ask your friends to intro... I am sure that is better than hoping for the durian to drop out of the sky.

[qwerty66]

agreed with bro deptrai4u. i shared almost the same experience as him.
the episode wake me up from my tiny well and see the world in a different light.
take things easy and live the life we want. it is OUR life.
be honest with our feeling but also about those we care.
one plus one is never equal two when it comes to matter of the hearts.
we are only human :)

[Panamera]

sigh.. there goes another good man... how come i dun get to meet all the good men, but meet them only after they are married... sigh!

Stop looking. You usually find what you're looking for as soon as you quit looking for it. Men are no different. Concentrate on what makes you happy, and the right guy will notice you're vibrant attitude and be hopelessly attracted to you. Good luck! :D

Once you got your "good man", take my advice and hug him in the morning, kiss him every night, Give him plenty lovin', treat him right.

For a good man nowadays is hard to find! :D

[AngelEye]

I'm not sure what your definition of good men is, but just like there are tonnes of god women around waiting to love a man, there are also tonnes of men who are waiting for someone to love them. The big problem is that we all have our own little hang ups and also expectations and this causes us all, guys and girls to have an unrealistic take in life. Just take for example a girl who wants to have a guy who has a Nice Car, Credit Cards with high limits, (still unspent hor) and Company and Condo.... Yea... so if he has so much to bring into the relationship... what can the girl bring into it?? Or a guy who wants to have Fiona Xie lookalike with great body, great GFE feelings, great company, great cook and so on.... then what can he bring into the relationship? So it is a quid pro quo sort of a thing lah...

There may be a Fiona Xie lookalike who holds a good job and a good pay, she wants only a nice man who will care for her and love her for what she is... but people will think "waaaahhh so pretty... sure cannot afford her maintenance..." then she won't get asked... If she makes herself available... people will call her a slut... no win situation... The guy also same... ask any girl out.. kenna called hard up... don ask... also kenna branded gay... No win situation caused by our silly society...

If you want a nice guy or good guy, just ask your friends to intro... I am sure that is better than hoping for the durian to drop out of the sky.double sigh!

[AngelEye]

Stop looking. You usually find what you're looking for as soon as you quit looking for it. Men are no different. Concentrate on what makes you happy, and the right guy will notice you're vibrant attitude and be hopelessly attracted to you. Good luck! :D

Once you got your "good man", take my advice and hug him in the morning, kiss him every night, Give him plenty lovin', treat him right.

For a good man nowadays is hard to find! :D

i quit looking sometime ago..

[Panamera]

i quit looking sometime ago..

Super! He is coming your way very soon..:p

Be happy and Chill !

[AngelEye]

Super! He is coming your way very soon..:p

Be happy and Chill !

ha!... i hope so too.. but apprently.. No.....

[HCKing]

ha!... i hope so too.. but apprently.. No.....

hw high is yr expectations?

like hers?

http://www.sammyboyforum.com/matters-heart/87788-single-bro-welcome.html

[Panamera]

Or read this, if you are a local Singaporean gal:

http://www.sammyboyforum.com/matters-heart/107365-local-girls.html

Or this T.S drving a RED car....

http://www.sammyboyforum.com/adult-discussions-about-sex/72318-can-get-ons-st-james-if-i-drive-porsche.html

:D

[AngelEye]

hw high is yr expectations?

like hers?

http://www.sammyboyforum.com/matters-heart/87788-single-bro-welcome.html

expectations? if he's of sound mind and is a 100% male.. wat more can i ask for?

[HCKing]

expectations? if he's of sound mind and is a 100% male.. wat more can i ask for?

that rules me out liao, me 100% male + sound mind but a poor man.:o

[HCKing]

Or read this, if you are a local Singaporean gal:

http://www.sammyboyforum.com/matters-heart/107365-local-girls.html

Or this T.S drving a RED car....

http://www.sammyboyforum.com/adult-discussions-about-sex/72318-can-get-ons-st-james-if-i-drive-porsche.html

:D

bro hw could u forget to include our most popular top earner Mr James Chong aka jchongking?:D

[mike1304k]

Bro.... she said "sound mind... 100% male" and it was you who added poor... hehehehe... so you see sister.... you can have low expectations, maybe even be open to any Tom Rick and Jerry, but then when it comes to "him", the message becomes something else.

I had a very beautiful friend quite some time ago, she had a nice bubbly personality and was really chatty. She also had very low expectations, eg, as long as sane... as long as not too ugly and has a kind heart, she was willing to give it a try... Did not matter if he was not well to do, just as long as he could support himself without sponging off her or once in a while treat her to something nice, that was all she wanted... In the end, after trying to be friendly to one and all, no one even dared come too close... When I asked another guy friend who was a mutual acquaintence, he said she was too damn beautiful and he was afraid that he would forever be insecure. Another guy said that he was too poor to even be seen with a girl like her...

So back to my point... we are all inculcated with our own prejudices, hopes and so on... Sometimes, it is just a mix up in frequencies and sometimes it is a mix up in the perceptions. But for bro HCKing, please do not say you are poor so you do not have chance... There are tonnes of things you can do that is not so ex.... And like I mentioned before, the girl also has to bring her own contribution into the relationship.

As for sis AngelEye, please do not sigh at me again hor... but seriously, sometimes if you ask the right person, your guy may just be round the corner... Some more there are a lot of places, SDU, and so on, where you can access a database of singles out there. I am not sure if you have tried them. I had a friend whose cousin was almost 35 and she had a string of relationships that went no where. But one day, an aunt said that she knew of a shy lad who lived in her block and intro'd the two of them. In the end, they got together and are now about to marry. So don give up, as giving up means that you have given up on yourself.

[shoutcast]

bro chase her again like you did initially , keep the romance going by going on a holiday taking time off.

then perharps she is a social animal so bring her out to meet more new friends , orgies not counted :D

[HCKing]

haha think i misunderstood her expectations as 100% male with sound mind but the kinda earnings here,:eek:

http://www.sammyboyforum.com/matters-heart/87788-single-bro-welcome.html

pai seh sis, my bad.:p

[lacoruna69]

SG MEN = WIMPS, WIMPS, WIMPS. Enough said. :p

It is clear cut the wife had committed adultery and yet everyone seemed to be jumping into her defence. Atrocious!

[Panamera]

[QUOTE=mike1304k;3564174]
I had a very beautiful friend quite some time ago, she had a nice bubbly personality and was really chatty. She also had very low expectations, eg, as long as sane... as long as not too ugly and has a kind heart, she was willing to give it a try... Did not matter if he was not well to do, just as long as he could support himself without sponging off her or once in a while treat her to something nice, that was all she wanted... In the end, after trying to be friendly to one and all, no one even dared come too close... When I asked another guy friend who was a mutual acquaintence, he said she was too damn beautiful and he was afraid that he would forever be insecure. Another guy said that he was too poor to even be seen with a girl like her...

QUOTE]

Me? :D I promised I wont fall asleep watching muscial horror movie again..I behave too...

[qwerty66]

be careful who you brand as WIMPS :mad:

are we, my follow SG bros as what lacoruna69 said?
one bamboo hit everyone on the boat?

so which country are you form Ms lacoruna69?

[Panamera]

bro hw could u forget to include our most popular top earner Mr James Chong aka jchongking?:D

Yeah man, Better ask AngelEye she like to keep Merlion keychains or not?

[dude25002500]

TS,

I like Et 911 posts.

This is my 2nd post ever in Sammyboy. I never posted much here but i felt compelled to. My first post, i told you there is a man. You dun believe.

What you are doing is precisely what you are driving her away from you. Been there done that. The best solution you can do now, is to write her a letter, tell her you love her and you are letting her go and be happy by leaving.

Meanwhile, go get a fucked ass life. You are precisely the reason why she is leaving you. Everything you posted is about yourself, you want a kid, you treat her nice, etc.. Who wants to hang around a loser like you?

After 1 year, you will find that your problem now is a tiny winniee problem if you spread it across 10years, or even 20 years.

The pain you are feeling now is no big deal. The biggest deal is when you are not doing anything about it and wallowing in self pity.

[Panamera]

haha think i misunderstood her expectations as 100% male with sound mind but the kinda earnings here,:eek:

http://www.sammyboyforum.com/matters-heart/87788-single-bro-welcome.html

pai seh sis, my bad.:p

Bro HCKing, Sound mind is keep hearing sound in your mind than can....

Sis AngelEye, just kidding hor :D Dont blame me if you received many pm from people with "I keep hearing voices in my head"

[geckoSG]

sigh.. there goes another good man... how come i dun get to meet all the good men, but meet them only after they are married... sigh!

Talking about me issit? LOLz... :D

Just Kidding lah...

[geckoSG]

TS,

The thing is, I guess in your case, its so much clearer now that her heart
ain't with you now, take the pain one time, and move on...

Let her have her permanent cool off session.

[AngelEye]

Bro.... she said "sound mind... 100% male" and it was you who added poor... hehehehe... so you see sister.... you can have low expectations, maybe even be open to any Tom Rick and Jerry, but then when it comes to "him", the message becomes something else.

I had a very beautiful friend quite some time ago, she had a nice bubbly personality and was really chatty. She also had very low expectations, eg, as long as sane... as long as not too ugly and has a kind heart, she was willing to give it a try... Did not matter if he was not well to do, just as long as he could support himself without sponging off her or once in a while treat her to something nice, that was all she wanted... In the end, after trying to be friendly to one and all, no one even dared come too close... When I asked another guy friend who was a mutual acquaintence, he said she was too damn beautiful and he was afraid that he would forever be insecure. Another guy said that he was too poor to even be seen with a girl like her...

So back to my point... we are all inculcated with our own prejudices, hopes and so on... Sometimes, it is just a mix up in frequencies and sometimes it is a mix up in the perceptions. But for bro HCKing, please do not say you are poor so you do not have chance... There are tonnes of things you can do that is not so ex.... And like I mentioned before, the girl also has to bring her own contribution into the relationship.

As for sis AngelEye, please do not sigh at me again hor... but seriously, sometimes if you ask the right person, your guy may just be round the corner... Some more there are a lot of places, SDU, and so on, where you can access a database of singles out there. I am not sure if you have tried them. I had a friend whose cousin was almost 35 and she had a string of relationships that went no where. But one day, an aunt said that she knew of a shy lad who lived in her block and intro'd the two of them. In the end, they got together and are now about to marry. So don give up, as giving up means that you have given up on yourself.

I won't sigh, but i won't join SDU or other match-making agencies / events. Never believe in such. I let fate decides. If i have to experience 100 rejections before i succeeed, then i shall do that, but there will come a day when i will tired and may just stop totally...

[AngelEye]

haha think i misunderstood her expectations as 100% male with sound mind but the kinda earnings here,:eek:

http://www.sammyboyforum.com/matters-heart/87788-single-bro-welcome.html

pai seh sis, my bad.:p
it's okie... no worries.

[AngelEye]

Yeah man, Better ask AngelEye she like to keep Merlion keychains or not? what kind of animal is that? i keep proper animals... not some weird creature that's made of stone and got a hole in it's head due to strike by lightning, haha

[AngelEye]

Bro HCKing, Sound mind is keep hearing sound in your mind than can....

Sis AngelEye, just kidding hor :D Dont blame me if you received many pm from people with "I keep hearing voices in my head"hearing voices in their mind is schizophrenic.. haha.. thoes are scary leh...

[AngelEye]

Talking about me issit? LOLz... :D

Just Kidding lah...
haha.. not just u la.. many many out there n in here...

[Rolex-King]

wa piang...the more I read what the TS post...wife's email, ex-boss etc....TS is still living in denial and acting the super wimp. Go take that guy by the throat and whoop him properly in front of his wife.

I agree with uncle sam....yr wife kena juiced by him liao. Which woman will admit it?? wake up la TS.

Stop being a dog to yr wife....be a MAN. U let her run loose for too long liao, now you are paying the price for it. Even if she comes back, she expects u to be the usual dog, wagging yr tail irregardless.

I agree with what some bros say...dun contact her and if she does comes back, she MUST come back on YOUR terms...NOT HERS. This type of woman u want??? No sex, no life....what the F for?

[meganfox]

More and more, I see women bleating on and on about finding themselves, about wanting more out of life.

That's crap most of the time. It's just selfishness.

This is true.

Having said that, disentangling myself from the emotional fallout and ties to other women is something I'm having to deal with even till today and the foreseeable future.

Don't lose heart.. have faith and i'm sure with your intelligence, you'd be able to walk out of the vicious circle someday.

[onlyou]

if the reason to get married is strong, so can the reason to be separated. just by suspecting the spouse is already a bad start. your wife's email with the ex-boss is already a "betrayal" which she denied at first. i suggest u stop the email tracing but do nothing now as you have let the cat outta the bag. Keep the in laws at your side cos they are your best allies now. cos last thing u want is the in laws turn around saying you been a bad SIL / husband. i would suggest a PI but be careful when you choose one. but i hope that you do not have to choose this route cos you have to decide first what you want to do if there is any undesirable result.
Counseling doesnt help if she doesnt want to open up. alternatively, you can go alone to seek some advice or more alternatives.
Never easy but in fact, it sucks we know. there are times to follow the heart but sometimes we have to use the brains.
Question - can you forgive and forget the part about her going to her ex-boss after all this? would you have a dark shadow worrying that things might still continues?
Its great to be in love, but out of love is worse.

[fanaticd]

sound like a never ending story... come on, make a decision and get on with your life! you are just tormenting yourself

[cereal-killer]

bros and sis,

i took your comments seriously

et911 :
i asked her for pregnancy since our 3rd yr of marriage. now it was 8th yr.
is that call compromise or being patient ?

plus , i told her getting a baby is out of love and committment.
but to choose baby over her ? i choose her 110%

secondly , when she comes home late after OT , i always wait for her. after she settled , i would try make small talk but everytime she say she is too tired. we have our own cars , so picking her up is not ideal. going out supper ? she is too tired ?

i even waited out for her to come home so that we can have dinner together.

you made a good point , do i want her back just to have her back ?
what am i going to do if the routine continues ?
i told her last week in fact in my earlier email abt understnding her work stress and proving herself etc ...... so i just want to be her understnding husband.

did i miss out anything ?
i will try anything just to win back this relationship.

There is "no point" trying to win her back, when her heart is no longer with you

Bro, some 8 years ago, I was in THE EXACT situation. The only difference was we had a child of 1.5 years old, she fucked it all up with adultery with some lame guy who can't seem to get his own woman and had to rely on tempting a married woman.

8 months in the trouble, I walked out of her abd she left the child with me. during divorce proceedings, she finally took her back (reluctantly).

I thought I gave my ex-wife what she always wanted - me out of her picture and she can party till break of dawn - but 8 years down the road, Was She HAPPY? I say NAY!

After sleeping with countless men, and meeting the worse kind of men around, she finally 'gave up' and wants to come back. .|. is what I've showed her.

What I'm trying to say is... MOVE FUCKING ON... Is she's meant to be yours, its MEANT TO BE. If you dare to take that bold step, it'll be better for both of you. She'll be able to live with the other man (who is VERY LIKELY married as well) and WILL realise you're not that bad after all. It is only after tasting the bad, one will know whats Good Let her have her way, let her taste that forbidden fruit she's craving for, once she's had it... she'll come back. But mark my words, by the time she's "had enough" and coming back, you WON'T be there any longer and will be happy in another relationship.

[carol888]

you guys really write very well..learn English here , character and ho wto handle things..cheers

[pewpew]

i quit looking sometime ago..

I know i am a good guy... :D

[AngelEye]

I know i am a good guy... :Ddoes others know u're a good man too?

[lacoruna69]

GOOD and NICE guys / gals are never appreciated. Even if you get to married one, after a while, you will "tao jiak" outside. This is human nature......

[pewpew]

does others know u're a good man too?

Other guys i don't know coz i never hold hand with them and goes out before, last i checked i am straight... :D