Wife not interested in Sex

[ferragamo]

Wife has been less interested in sex for awhile and was searching the web for more information. Came across this forum exchange, and was so similiar to my experiences, that I decided to share this with those in same position.

There is no solution given - but at least you can read and don't feel so bad, others share your problem

below is the 1st post in the thread - the replies I put in the next posting

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My wife and I have been married for 3 years now. We have a beautiful daughter together and for all intended purposes, our lives are great.



But we're not having sex. Well, not nearly enough, if you ask me.


We've been together 8 years now, and unfortunately, it's always been this way. I knew her in high school, and it wasn't until college that we finally got together. But in high school and for the first 3 years of college, she had earned herself a reputation. She had slept around quite a bit, and it seemed to me like she might have had a high sex drive then. But from the time we got together in our senior year in college, her sex drive diminished.


In me, she found love, and security and stability, and I can see that. And I love how she treats me, and I love how well we get along.


But for years now, I've felt undersexed and she thinks our sex life is perfectly fine.


For the past 8 years, we've had sex, on average, once a month. And I can't help but feel like she does that because she feels like she has an obligation to.


I thought, maybe it was because of the pregnancy, and our daughter entering our lives, but no...the 6 years prior to our daughter being born, she had no interest whatsoever in sex.


I thought it was me. I mean, who wouldn't think that? And I understand who she was, may not be who she is now (or who she REALLY was back then). I understand that maybe she was lonely and slept around to help fill a void in her life. I understand that maybe because I filled that void, she doesn't feel the need to "use" sex to get the love and affection that she needed.


But really, I'm still feeling unfulfilled.


In the past 8 years, I've tried everything. Weekend getaways to exotic places got me nothing. Romantic dinners, bubblebaths, nights out with her getting drunk with friends. Nothing. I have bought her gifts, I cook dinner every night, clean the house, do the laundry, raise our daughter and pay the bills. Nothing. I even tried ignoring her, and not talking about sex, hoping she would feel inspired and persue me for once. You know what that got me? 2 months without sex. So short of begging for it, I've tried every approach at least once. And I take my time building it up. I don't cook dinner, drink some wine with her, and expect to get laid that night. No, on the contrary, I'll do this (amongst other things...baths, massages, cuddling on the couch watching TV) for a few weeks straight, hoping to butter her up in the process. And after a few weeks of wining and dining, and subtle romance, I make my move. Nothing.


So the obvious questions are...how could someone who seemed to have a high(er) sex drive before, who persued men and had her share of casual sex become the polar opposite of what she was prior to us meeting? How can someone go from 20 partners a year to sex with the same person 10 times a year?


I'm not expecting an answer from anyone on the questions above. You don't know her, and it would take some time to get to know her and understand her. I'm just scraping the surface with this post. I mean she works a 9-5, goes to school part-time and has quite a commute to and from work. So I'm not doubting that she's tired. I understand this. My whole problem is that she has no desire. Even on the weekends, when we have all the free time in the world, she doesn't initiate anything, and doesn't give in to my advances.


I've discussed this with her openly a few times (usually once a year I get to the point of being so frustrated that I sit her down and explain how I feel about this). Every time we talk about this, she says (and does) the same thing. "Well, now that I know how much this means for you, I'll make more of an effort". And for 2 days straight, we'll have sex. Good sex too. And then after that, she goes back to being her regular, unaroused self. And I'll remind her every now and again about our talks, and she smiles and rolls over and goes to sleep.


I'm not looking to leave her. I love her deeply, and sex isn't everything in a relationship (though it is nice). And I have no complaints about her otherwise, and I don't want to find someone else or even go see a hooker.


I just want to get laid. If it were up to me, we'd be screwing like bunnies, daily. But for now, all I get is unenthusiastic lovemaking once a month.


So, what can I do to change this? To get what I want, for once? HELP!

[ferragamo]

A male reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2007):


Wow, except for a few particulars, I could have written your question myself. I actually read it in the middle of the night because I can't sleep because of this same problem.

I have been married more than 15 years. Sex started out slowly (no more than 3 times each month) when we were newlyweds and has fallen to zero.

Even when we did have sex it rarely felt like she was really that interested.

I love my wife, I don't want to leave her. We actually have a great relationship except for not having sexual relations. I've tried everything I can think of including counseling and everything you mentioned (weekend getaways, romantic evenings, trips, fun things in the bedroom, flowers, regular date nights).

A Dr. did find that my wife had almost non-existent testosterone and she did take some pills but female hormones are complex, interact in complex fashion and female sex drive seems to be a young emerging science.

The frustrating part is since, its seems, my wife has never had much of a sex drive, she thinks this is all normal and that our friends and neighbors are all likely in the same place we are. She even believes that for a woman to be interested and enthusiastic about sex is simply a male fantasy not grounded in reality.

I wish I had an answer for you, I really do.
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A male reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2010):


Looking at the many internet postings from women seeking help for the loss of their libido, we husbands have to accept that it is natural for some women to lose their libido in the late 20s or 30s onwards. It’s like balding or menopause, no amount of flowers or household chore-sharing will help. I've had a heart-to-heart chat with my wife and she has admitted that she's got no sex drive & she's got no idea why. I'm only in my mid 30s. The question then is how to face up to this reality.


For me, I have 2 wonderful young kids to think about. But the options are:


1. Remain very unhappy with the lack of sex in the relationship, focus on the kids and perhaps I will be erectile dysfunctional when I am older so this won’t be an issue anymore.

2. Divorce now.

3. Divorce later when the kids are grown up.


At times, it's easy to feel depressed or frustrated cos I wonder whether my wife will still have 'no sex drive' if I look like Brad Pitt or if my bank account is like Bill Gates'. I also feel frustrated when I see my wife put in 110% in her career, parties for friends etc but can't even be bothered to google about why she has no sex drive when she knows it's affecting me.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2010):


hi , i am also the wife of a very frustrated husband. We have been married for 16 years and he was always highly sexed, me on the other hand was on the low side , i had a hysterectomy at 36 because of ongoing problems, it has since taken away the pain i used to feel with sex but i just don't have any libido. i try to explain to my hubby this but i honestly think he doesn't believe me anymore, he becomes aggressive and shouts his frustrations at me and inside i am dying because how can i give him something that i cannot find inside me, i sometimes ask for some together time not having sex so that i can feel closer to him ,but he later expects sex and the problem starts all over again. The crazy thing is that the sex that we do have is awsome , everytime there is no need ever to fake it , he satifys me , always, why am i like this?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2010):


First of all I'm sorry for the agony you are in. I understand because I am the low sexed drive wife in a marraige of 8 years.


If it's any consolation, it's terrible being on the low sex drive end as well. It tears me up that I cause so much pain and anquish for my husband.


Problem is you just can't "fake" that part of your life. You can go through the motions of doing dishes, laundry, going to your kids soccer games or even going to work without really enjoying any of it, but you just cannot fake enjoying sex. First of all, physically if you don't have a desire then the whole act is not comftorable if you know what I mean.


I'm beginning to tackle this problem and think it boils down to that I've put all of my effort into raising my kids and having happy children. The responsibility of raising other people has been mentally very daunting for me. I've put my husband on the back burner. Why because when the kids are young something has to give as far as where I could spread my time. I knew he could and should be able to take second seat. Well now that the children are a bit older and don't require as much even though they still require quite a bit, mentally I've gotten so used to that behavior that it's very hard to change. I do not even feel like a sexaul being anymore. I told my husband that I didn't care if he was Brad Pitt, the situation would be the same. Meaning it's not him, it's me.


But honestly I think it will take the two of us working together not both inside and outside of the bedroom to get back to a healthy sexual life. I saw an Oprah episode with Dr Laura Berman and what she had to say really rang true. She had many good points so look her up and get her book. One point which is true for me is that because I've taken control of the household, and I kind of control my husband when it comes to the household, I don't see him as the strong in-charge person as I used to before kids and marraige. So I need to let him take control back a bit.


To the original poster, I see that you step up to the plate to take some of the responsibilites of the household and that is awesome - keep that up. What I also see is by you not making an issue of the lack of sex but once a year you are causing more harm than good. You are letting her "off the hook". Keep on her about it! She needs to buy into the problem as much as you in order to get it solved.


To the other men who have posted things like: she works, and raises the children and takes care of the house, I guess she's just stressed. Well wake up!!! Take some of the stress off. Take on some even alot of the chores! And not just once or twice... on a regular basis. If you wan't something, you have to give something!!!


So there it is from the overwhelmed wife's perspective!

[ferragamo]

A male reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2010):


Im in the same boat as you are. Ive been married for 12 years and some times i think i married a nun. Im to the point where i need to consider letting he know how i feel and will start looking other places. Sex is a huge part of a marriage and i might be wrong but once a month don't cut it.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2010):


I have a lovely wife with a body to die for with a bosom of 36d's and I must admit that we have the same problem.

I think it is because she works and needs to run the family chores on a day to day basis.

She has a little bit of stress and I know she is a wonderful wife and mom to our 2 and a half year old girl.

Her sex drive is the problem!

same story as the other guys but the times we do have sex she is like enjoying it a lot and orgasms about each time.

It is the frqency between or sex that worries me--once or twice a month!

She becomes this tiger in bed and loves everything we do -even oral sex and mastrubation on each other and i can come where I want to but this only happens too far and few between.

anybody that can help this and make it more frequent?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2008):


i know exactly what you mean about the sex drive thing. my wife and i have had sex 11 times in 8 years. in one of those y years we actually had sex zero times..when i told her that we had sex 0 times in that year, her response was, "really", how doe you know?" and i said trust me, i know. she and it never gets any better, and then i started to think that the times we did have sex, she was not totally into it, seemed to be just waiting for it to be over. i have no idea what's wrong with her. I told her to go see someone, but it just does not seem to matter enough to her. once when i was totally frustrated, i blew up and said, why do you avoid sex? and she said , because i have to feel totally safe to be with someone that way? what the hell was that suppose to mean....and then a week later she admitted she had no sex drive, so that statement was just an excuse..otherwise we have a great relationship, but without sex, it feels like i have more a roommate than a wife...


i often to go bed early just to try to fall asleep so that i don't have to think about being in bed with someone who won't have sex. if i'm asleep, then i don't have to worry about it...


i don't know what to do....i have a daughter who had a sleepover at a friend's house last friday night, a perfect night for sex, but there was nothing....


i'm stunned and sad...

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2008):


After reading all the comments so far I would say as a woman struggling with low/no sex drive, all your efforts would have more than likely changed my sex life!!!! I have been married for 8 years and together for 17 years to my partner who I love more than anything in this world. I have two beautiful children of 8 and 4 years who keep me on my toes. I recognised a year ago that I had to do something about my lack of sex drive, if you can call it that its not that I dont always want sex its well I feel like my body doesn't work anymore!. When it does happen my god it's great but it don't happen that often, and my partner gets very resentful.


So far I have started to lose weight (needed to for a while) and tried on many occasion to explain what I need to get me going, I have even bought some sexy underwear for valentine's day (that i dont feel very sexy in). I dont get any of the things that most of you fellas have tried with your wives which to be honest would probably make a really big difference, no support emotionally, no help in the house and the very frequent question "are we gonna have some tonight" which completely turns me off!!


We used to be very active and my partner nicknamed me "nympho" at one point I cant understand just where its all gone, and am trying my best to make things right for us. I hope I'll get there in the end because its frustrating me too!!! Which could be the case with your partners too. These days I tend to clam up if I know advances for sex are being made because I don't want to disappoint my partner or myself.


In answer to your questions I would say you have all done more than enough in my books, but as most of the above ladies have also said maybe the problem just isn't being admitted or is abit deeper. It's certainly not from lack of effort on your parts.


I wish you all luck in your future efforts for jiggy if only I could get my hubby to be as attentive as you all!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2008):


Who knows the answer. Yesterday was my 12th anniversary. We have three great young children 7, 6 and 3. Sex was great up until the first child. Then the long slow decline took place. We have had sex so infrequently in the last few years that I can identify the dates of conception of my two youngest. We have had sex no more than 5 times in the last two and a half years. I have suggested counseling. I even made an appointment and invited my wife to come with me. She declined. We have no intimacy whatsoever, I am not even talking about sex. If it touch my wife it seems to make her skin crawl. I have communicated this to her and nothing ever changes. Although I do not want to, I am on the verge of leaving. I can relate to all of the comments. We all have to find a way to deal with it. I have tried but I am at the point of giving up.

[ferragamo]

A male reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2008):


I pray for you. I went through a stage wherein I wanted to chop my penis off, so that I was not a victim to my frustration. With no penis, I would never ever have sex. As such my penis was unemployed, at least I would no longer be sexually frustrated.

I pray everyday that my wife meets the person with whom she will be happy and have sex regularly. Right now I think there are 2 unhappy people, me and my wife. Me because no sex. My wife because she cannot understand why sometimes I get cranky and thinks I am always angry. and because I hope someday she has sex that will help her set free and help her start enjoying sex.

Married for 8 years. We had sex only when my wife wanted to have children. And that time it was pure functional, get done with the act. So 8 years, sex only 20 times. Periods of upto 3 years without sex. How did I survive?

Have been reading all things and wondering why me?


1. I earn well


2. I am smart, well dressed and exercise regularly


3. I help around the house - cook, clean, mop, mow, everything that a woman does


4. Since both of us work, we take turns to look after the children and the house


5. My wife has had no past to grieve - i.e. molestation as a child, rape, etc.


6. My wife knows how I feel about sex - issue communicated to death


7. I have tried wooing her, romancing her, dates, holding hands, hugs, kisses (with no expectation of sex)


8. I get up before my wife, make tea and breakfast, am the last one to sleep in the house after washing the dishes. I dont know any reason why my wife should have a headache or feel tired.


The only solution for me was to pray like hell and meditate. Every time I thought sex, it was a negative flow of thoughts about my wife. At one point I decided that every time I think sex, I am replacing sex thoughts with prayer.

Why my wife has a low sex libido? Why she does not want to go to a therapist or a doctor? Why the communication never gets to her? Why if I want to have sex, she will just lie like a rag and wait for the act to get over? Why she likes to read all romance novels and the hot scenes, but never in the real life? And why my wife never feels like she is doing anything wrong.

It is my karma. My entire life ahead of me is full of celibacy. I cannot think of divorce. I have to suffer this life. Maybe next life may be better.

I pray that you get your answer for why me soon.

[orneryjoe]

Wifey not interested in sex? No problem. Plenty of paid sex avialable over here. Better that than start an affair with someone else. Ravish the women and continue to love your wife. You can have the best of both worlds if you are careful.

[newyorker88]

There are many factors involved, and stress, over work, lack of intimacy or even childhood unhappiness can be a factor.

It is good that you had talked to her about it. Sometimes, you can have intimate moments but not sex necessarily.

How many times a week or a month? It is up to both of you. Respect for each other is more important. End of the day, it is the feel good factor between both of you.

I know it may affect your marriage, and she is doing all she can to satisfy you. However, from observation from what you wrote, it is my belief that she may have had some childhood or some trama... in her own family in the past, that leads to such unhappy situation, and expect marriage should be like this... Get some help.

all the best.

[liberatte]

i used to be like u TS. I saw a better light. Right now, I am getting it almost everyday. But with wifey its once a week. Know what i mean? If you can't get inhouse support, then you 'outsource'. But, tell it to her straight in the face.

Hold her hands when you do this. Say that you love her, but you have needs as well. Say that no matter what, you will love her. But if you can't get sex from her often, then you may be tempted to get it elsewhere and neither of you would want that.

Eventually, my wife agreed for me to outsource with a condition that I come back home every night. Also, set it straight with your FB that you're married. Btw, my wife and FB are good friends. They know about my bonks. Now, wifey asking me for more because I got better learning new tricks. So, chill bro...

[ferragamo]

you are my hero! they are good friends, and both know what is happening. you must be one hell of a sweet talker



i used to be like u TS. I saw a better light. Right now, I am getting it almost everyday. But with wifey its once a week. Know what i mean? If you can't get inhouse support, then you 'outsource'. But, tell it to her straight in the face.

Hold her hands when you do this. Say that you love her, but you have needs as well. Say that no matter what, you will love her. But if you can't get sex from her often, then you may be tempted to get it elsewhere and neither of you would want that.

Eventually, my wife agreed for me to outsource with a condition that I come back home every night. Also, set it straight with your FB that you're married. Btw, my wife and FB are good friends. They know about my bonks. Now, wifey asking me for more because I got better learning new tricks. So, chill bro...

[hardcoremayhem]

i used to be like u TS. I saw a better light. Right now, I am getting it almost everyday. But with wifey its once a week. Know what i mean? If you can't get inhouse support, then you 'outsource'. But, tell it to her straight in the face.

Hold her hands when you do this. Say that you love her, but you have needs as well. Say that no matter what, you will love her. But if you can't get sex from her often, then you may be tempted to get it elsewhere and neither of you would want that.

Eventually, my wife agreed for me to outsource with a condition that I come back home every night. Also, set it straight with your FB that you're married. Btw, my wife and FB are good friends. They know about my bonks. Now, wifey asking me for more because I got better learning new tricks. So, chill bro...

wah piangz. You are my Hero, man...

[Peter]

Woah, like that also can!
Not so sure this will work for most of us.

i used to be like u TS. I saw a better light. Right now, I am getting it almost everyday. But with wifey its once a week. Know what i mean? If you can't get inhouse support, then you 'outsource'. But, tell it to her straight in the face.

Hold her hands when you do this. Say that you love her, but you have needs as well. Say that no matter what, you will love her. But if you can't get sex from her often, then you may be tempted to get it elsewhere and neither of you would want that.

Eventually, my wife agreed for me to outsource with a condition that I come back home every night. Also, set it straight with your FB that you're married. Btw, my wife and FB are good friends. They know about my bonks. Now, wifey asking me for more because I got better learning new tricks. So, chill bro...

[naturegreen]

Truly empathize with you. Follow what most companies are doing. They don't get perm staffs, they get contract staffs. So outsource once in a while. ;)

[hardcoremayhem]

just to add. my guy colleague who is married for 7 years with a kid said that sex life dropped from 3 times a week with wife/gf (b4 marriage) to only 1 times in 3 months. Then slowly they rekindled the fire by making sure that she orgasm every time so now become maybe once in 2 weeks.
He doesn't know if it is normal or not for married couple in their 30s.

he is quite highly sexed one but he never makan outside outside marriage so when he want but wife refuses him (even beats and punches him when he touches her), he just jack off to porno.

[itsmyfault]

poor guy fren of urs but faithful... respect him

[Tailok]

Bro Liberatte,
I respect you. I should have known you earlier. The 1st 10 yrs, I just can't get enuf. So had to outsource. But I din have the guts to tell my wife. But when my wife past 45, her libido suddenly shoots up. I can't cope. Hopefully she doesn't outsource. Otherwise, I oso lan-lan. :rolleyes:

[greywolfzone]

hey bro

surely understand your frustrations.... u have done everything in and out of house and she is not responding....

i guess alot of of bros may have the same problem like u too..


let me share with u my experience with my wife , we used to do it like 4 to 5 times a week and as the years gone by, the no. decreases to like once a week or two. . i got really affected and realized that i have put on 12kg over the years and make me look really bad...

so i decided to work out and started training jogging swimming and managed to shed about 10kg over 6mths and trust me she will notice your body and we got some tonic for my little bro and he oso became fit like b4... and after that i began to give more service to her first and very sooon my wife is enjoying me again...

i think every woman wants a caring man who loves her the way she wants it.... dont give up bro, work on it !

goood luck!

[naturegreen]

All of a sudden, this thread made me wonder
If a wife suddenly lost interest in sex, is it she is also outsourcing already?

[freezetheDB]

i think its a matter of time before everyone feels routined or obligated, and in some cases the people who lack the drive are the men.

as a couple, its important to talk and work things out. If last resort fails, there is always geylang (but u still have to be discreet)

[BODO]

The last time I have sex with my wife is 5 months ago.

Tried talking to her a few times, but didn't went well. She just not interested and not giving in. Not that she is seeing another guy, just not interested at all.

At least u have something to work on. I have nothing.

[Max77]

The most important step to solve a problem is a mere believe that there's a solution for it in the first place; and when u r lost and dunno wad to do (when everything tat u (though) can do is done to no avail, u must first admit and tell urself tat maybe u've diagnosed the problem at a wrong perspective.

And when all ur resources r used up and u r mentally and physically worn out from the problem, u must learn to recharge urself and face ur problem bravely once again-at a whole new perspective.

There's this famous quote tat says:" if u can't change the surrounding to suite u, why not try to change urself to suite the surrounding?"

I once watched a very wierd movie. A very 'traditional' man once loved a women so much oni to find out tat she used to be a hooker. He feel like dying, not bcoz she used to be a hooker, but bcoz he can't accept the fact tat the women who he loved so much was once fucked by so many man. He tormented himself for months without knowing wad's tormenting him. he's better off dead. Then a few of his buddies ganged up and plot the below:

1) 2 gals brought the gal oversea for a holiday (she also half dead tormented herself too)

2) 2 guys (one real doctor one real police) inform him his lover sudden brain death after contracting some strange contagious illness going to burn immediately

Well, the rest u all can visualize already. He almost choked himself to death. Fainted almost immediately. They sent him to A & E, almost lost him-Alas...

Well, tat's expected. When he was 3/4 dead lying on the hospital bed, they told him the hospital made a mistake about the 'contagious disease'.

The man ofcoz happy like fuck spring to life, totally glad tat she's alived (nothing else matters) and totally can accept she was once a hooker.

Jus an example of solving drastic problem wif drastic measures. But u need 3rd party involvement. Nowaday we get wad we want too easily liao, nobody willing or too lazy to try drastic measures for drastic problems liao :p

Everybody tot tat they didn't took things for granted.

[sta1100]

The last time I have sex with my wife is 5 months ago.

Tried talking to her a few times, but didn't went well. She just not interested and not giving in. Not that she is seeing another guy, just not interested at all.

At least u have something to work on. I have nothing.

Ho bro,
Please try not to outsource only when you have too, try Pcc cheaper and safe

[Frankiestine]

Well after one kid, suddenly my wife discovered she is the Holy Virgin and checked herself in a nunnery....well for the monster will definitely have "nun" of that..talk ends up in fights..until i began to question my own manhood...thought maybe something wrong with myself...wanted to see doc get medicine to curb my sex drive...

but i finally realized, the one with the problem is not me its her...so even if one day i am caught with my pants down...i dare hold my head up cos i didn't create the problem she did...:mad::mad:

[TheGreatOne]

one day i am caught with my pants down...i dare hold my head up cos i didn't create the problem she did...:mad::mad:

Yeah totally agreed with that.

She don't need to eat thats her biz. Tell her, you don't need to eat doesn't mean I have to starve myself with you.

And that if she don't do her job, someone else will.

[swlaonuaguy]

My wife also not interested in sex. I always tease her your CB is made of EPOXY and your BODY is just like LOG no expression. Die..Die :( But she get Wet & Dry fast.:eek:

In the beginning I feel deprive, sick and frustrated always ended with arguement. I changed to be a better husband after she gave me 2 kids, I tend to accept things as it is now; I cant do much to stir her sexual interest. Coz of my 2 young kids, I love my toddlers very very much and a doted father. Coz of them, I brush aside the intimacy I was looking at last time but to use my energy to give all out to spend time with them & head to gym.

We are all male. I admit I do look for PRC FL for release & watch Jap AV but I cut down a lot since. Prefer to use the $ for my growing up kids expense. But if I can meet a good PRC lobang again, I shall not hesitate to release once in a while. Hahaha...:D

[jana]

well i think a lot of brothers here are giving really good alternatives i especially like 1 of the bro who actually spoke to the wife about the issue and the wife actually says that its ok to outsource cos maybe she honestly cannot give.

Well you have 2 solutions here - outsource discreetly or tell her in the face if you are not going to do it then i will have to outsource and i am telling you this not to pressue you but to let you know that i have my needs as well.

Last time when i had this issue with my wife, i told her straight in the face if you satisfy me then i also won go out and look ah, of cos i will still look at pretty ladies and want to have a good time with them but because i am not horny chances of my small head ruling my big head is lesser ah. If i tell you completely that i am not tempted if Lin Zhi Ling come and look for me then you need to be worrie lor cos i maybe gay.

After a while she tried and it was good but then again same thing happen again it starts to decline so this time i tried something even more drastic i flirted with my lady friends with raunchy sms and delibrately let her see it cos i know she checks my phone. She confronted me but i told her its just SMS and phone sex only cos i am horny ah and why am i horny ?

Cos you not giving me ah, then i came up with a metaphor saying if i dun bring home money to pay the bills, what will you do ? Go out and work to get money to pay the bill right?

so same here, you not giving me sex then i also have to go out and get it right?
Husband dun bring home money- asshole
Wife dun give sex- ..........................?

Then i told her that if you really feel that its a obligation and doing it for the sake of doing it then might as well dun do i have phone sex with my female friends better. You must understand that if you want me to enjoy it then you yourself must let go and enjoy it, inside our own private space you can be anyone and everyone why hold on so tight?

Then everythin is fine now, she finally understand already although not super good yet but she does not dare to reject me without valid reason and sometimes will initiate some more so the essence of all the words here is COMMUNICATION bro, know what you want and talk to her dun pressure her just let her know that if you do this, i will do this simple!

[hardcoremayhem]

the issue is that the cha bor will actually emotional blackmail the guy by saying that if you love me, you will respect my decision Not to have sex with you if I don't feel like it (despite best efforts of the guy to romance).

that is the issue that my married colleague is facing and hearing every time.

he loves his wife so that why he never "outsource" and just pcc watching p0rno :(

[TheGreatOne]

the issue is that the cha bor will actually emotional blackmail the guy by saying that if you love me, you will respect my decision Not to have sex with you if I don't feel like it (despite best efforts of the guy to romance).

that is the issue that my married colleague is facing and hearing every time.
:(

have your col to tell his wife if love means he have to accede to her requests and her totally ignoring his needs, then this 'love' is better kept in trash can.

if a married man still have to pcc to com porns, he would rather go marry a computer right? less maintainence at least

[Frankiestine]

the issue is that the cha bor will actually emotional blackmail the guy by saying that if you love me, you will respect my decision Not to have sex with you if I don't feel like it (despite best efforts of the guy to romance).

Bingo when i grope her boobs she say it feels like i am molesting her and never respect her....Knnbccb I am the hub not a stranger....really make me feel like shit when i heard that...

[TheGreatOne]

Bingo when i grope her boobs she say it feels like i am molesting her and never respect her....Knnbccb I am the hub not a stranger....really make me feel like shit when i heard that...

monster, sounds like you really got yourself a real nasty OC.

no chance of turning the table to your advantage?

[hardcoremayhem]

have your col to tell his wife if love means he have to accede to her requests and her totally ignoring his needs, then this 'love' is better kept in trash can.

if a married man still have to pcc to com porns, he would rather go marry a computer right? less maintainence at least

my colleague actually said that he tried that reverse psychology thing but it is a slippery slope. No way to win one.

the thing is that he wishes to remain faithful and has outsourced once or twice when wife was pregnant but he felt so guilty that he doesn't want to do it again.

the biggest problem i think is his ego. He feels like he is not attractive, and has a small d1ck or something and that no cha bor would even like him....eh... i think you know what i mean lah. not that he wants to get a gf or whatnot, just a male ego thing. He feels that he is fat etc etc. i thnk that he is ok - 178cm tall, 82kg, still look quite ragged but he not gay so i tell him also no use. i don't know exactly how big is his d1ck though but he says is average about 12-14cm.

Bingo when i grope her boobs she say it feels like i am molesting her and never respect her....Knnbccb I am the hub not a stranger....really make me feel like shit when i heard that...

yeah, bro. you same boat as my colleague. i told him about your post and he just gave me a sad smile and nod his head say, same same. and something even kena whack by wife.... haiz

[jana]

When she does emotional black mail to you then you do it to her back ah, then i respect yours then who respects mine?

Guys you all have to stand firm man, i notice this in a lot of singaporean ladies and then they sue husband for adultery man this is crap man.

[liberatte]

I've leaned something from my friend last time.

Starve a cat and she will turn into a tigeress...

For your part... you will have to fast :D

[Frankiestine]

monster, sounds like you really got yourself a real nasty OC.

no chance of turning the table to your advantage?

Don't think there will be a long term solution for us. So beside the temporary measures to relief, I am also exploring long term such as FB or maybe investing my feelings on another woman..

[Frankiestine]

yeah, bro. you same boat as my colleague. i told him about your post and he just gave me a sad smile and nod his head say, same same. and something even kena whack by wife.... haiz

like your colleague say lor same same. she will whack my hands from her boobs. It is very difficult for me actually to cultivate a relationship with a woman if there is a lack of physical intimacy cos i remember in the past, we grew so tight and stronger cos we were always intimate (and i dun mean just sex) its also the hugs and kisses. As I was saying to my colleague, if a woman thinks that her relationship is fine thou there are no physical intimacy btw both of them, then she is only indulging in the self deceit. Cos the only time a man can accept is when:
1. He is gay
2. He is impotent
3. He is already fucking around outside with another woman..

So to those women who are reading this, think again don't deceive yourself.

[Frankiestine]

I've leaned something from my friend last time.

Starve a cat and she will turn into a tigeress...

For your part... you will have to fast :D

My oc is more like a bear, after one meal she will go and hibernate for months..:(

[maxman]

i used to be like u TS. I saw a better light. Right now, I am getting it almost everyday. But with wifey its once a week. Know what i mean? If you can't get inhouse support, then you 'outsource'. But, tell it to her straight in the face.

Hold her hands when you do this. Say that you love her, but you have needs as well. Say that no matter what, you will love her. But if you can't get sex from her often, then you may be tempted to get it elsewhere and neither of you would want that.

Eventually, my wife agreed for me to outsource with a condition that I come back home every night. Also, set it straight with your FB that you're married. Btw, my wife and FB are good friends. They know about my bonks. Now, wifey asking me for more because I got better learning new tricks. So, chill bro...


What a fantastic deal you got yourself! If only other low-libido wives could understand.

[Max77]

Bro Frankiestine, don't despair, plse hav hope still. A man can't resist a pretty lass who r interested in him and a women can't resist not to get romantic wif a man of her desire. U two got married bcoz of some quality in u she desired. Maybe u hav blend in wif her along marriage tat u neglect cultivating ur charm.

Maybe all u hav to do is to get ur charm back. Still remember wad she find attractive in u before? I believe u got urself a women who don't like man to take the first move. She like to be tempted and seduced to a point she wish she could throw herself at tat someone. There's many ways for man to get ur charm back.

1) Physically-Force urself into an get-fit routine everyday. Good body equal sound mind. This should fill ur free time wif healthy acts and make u feel good about urself. When she see u less, she'll start to think of u (for bad or for good nevermind).

2) Dine out wif friend every alternate day. When u mixed around, ur knowledge and confident increased. This should reduce ur negatives tots- when u listen to others, u will relax 'urself'.

3) Be very polite and manly toward ur wife. She ask, forced urself to answer in the most gentleman's tone (and don't make it sound like forcing). She ask for help, u help her like any gentleman who r attracted to her will (without thinking tat u r her husband and can grope her anything along the process). Stay perfectly gentleman. This should arouse her curiosity towards u. If u r so lucky she ask why the sudden gentleman, tell her u wanna make things better in this house and u wanna improve ur relationship wif her. Smile and walk away or look away-act helpless but firm. Stand like a man all women wants, talk like a man all women desire. Learn to act, she'll hav doubts but nobody will know u r faking it unless u admit.

Try this for a month being a man u used to be during courtship. Learn not to quarrel wif her during tat month even if she wants to. Women find man attractive when they stay calm when being provoked. Jus stay silence and her bickering will die off in a while. Don't look at her, think about other things. Reply her oni when and answer is either a short Yes or No in the most gentleman tone-calm tone.

Don't need to spend money and effort on her like buying things to plse her, jus need to concentrate on making urself feel good (without going to FLs/WLs). Take real good care of the household. Example, see no toilet paper liao? Go buy. See no bread liao? Go buy. Concentrate on those little and trivial stuffs, not things like moping the floor and washing the clothes.

If u r willing to try all these, i believe things will change. When things change, there'll be hope.

[Baileys]

I've leaned something from my friend last time.

Starve a cat and she will turn into a tigeress...

For your part... you will have to fast :D

Well said, happened once before...me and wife not on good terms so for a couple of months basically no sex. Then one day, she came home from work and told me she has to go aboard in 2 days time to do some work for a month. That 2 days before she left, I was very peaceful and I also tried to please her as much as I can. Before she fly off she told me she will miss me...
During her stay oversea, we msn every night and everytime she will tell me that she is very horny and wish that I was there to bonk her.
When she came back, she became a tigeress..
Even through she has "tame" down but I am satisfied. :D
Maybe TS can try this trick....

[Frankiestine]

Bro Max77 thanks for the advises, appreciate it but if you know what I have to go thru with this woman you will know why i am now literally giving up on our marriage. I have enough of playing her mental games and i dun deny she is tops at this. The only reason why i am still sticking around in this marriage is only becos of my son. True be told, I am saddened by how my daughter from first marriage has turn out, withdrawn and reserve. This is the result of my doing. Hence I don't want the same to my son from this marriage. Like I told my oc before, its not only the lack of sex between it is also not feeling the love anymore....:(

[Rickey]

appreciate it but if you know what I have to go thru with this woman you will know why i am now literally giving up on our marriage. I have enough of playing her mental games and i dun deny she is tops at this. The only reason why i am still sticking around in this marriage is only becos of my son. True be told, I am saddened by how my daughter from first marriage has turn out, withdrawn and reserve. This is the result of my doing. Hence I don't want the same to my son from this marriage. Like I told my oc before, its not only the lack of sex between it is also not feeling the love anymore....:(

Bro Frank...i really empathise wif u...i know how u r suffering and feeling.

Reason: We are almost exactly in the same boat....for me the reason why i am sticking around wif my OC is bcos of my girls who she has more influence on. I love my girls a lot n i am proud of them....but for her :eek:

She only knows how to get angry and scold me for every little thing she is not happy about, look down on me on my capabilities and is never satisfied watever good i do for her n family and despite my best efforts. Wat is there to thank u or appreciate u for ? :( She tinks it is my obligation and duty to her and the family. Yes, u are rite bro, not only is there no sex but oso no love.. In fact just the other day when i asked her to help suck my nips, she got v. angry wif me maybe becos she is tired n i/o sucking it, she actually bit my nips causing a little pain...:mad: I didnt force her to, if she didnt wan to she could hav said so, no need to cause hurt...hows tat if u r talking abt the conjugal duty of spouses to each other... if the OCs of all marriages are going to be like dat, better not get married in the 1st place n save ourselves a whole load of pain, stresses and problems, ...

I do not want to spend a lot of good money on the paperwork for divorce, feel it is a waste, throwing away good money like dat. The money saved can be better utilised for someone else's good. If it really comes to the day i cant take it anymore from her, i will just pack up and leave never to be seen by her any more...

Its prolly too late for anything to be done to rectify the marriage now...we just need to tolerate for as long as we can.....

Tats my 2 cents worth....

[Max77]

Guys...Maybe ur wife has presumabley ruined ur marriage, but definately NOT ur life. U r responsible for ur own life. Get ur life back-the legal and proper way.

Don't hav to treat her as ur wife anymore if she don't treat u the way she should as a wife. But u also don't hav to hurt her or punish her. Put her aside and get ur bloody life back before u grow too old for it and regret whole life.

Hav u any ambition? U don't own ur kid anything beside a shelter and 3 meals. Every kids got their own destiny. Ur life don't stop here. Always think...wad u wanna do now? later? tomorrow? next week? And Jus Do It :p why? Bcoz later u might ganna an accident and might never hav the chance to do it anymore! Tat's call getting ur life back. Get a life! they always say.

When a person lived wif u for very long, u two starts to reflect each other's behaviour without knowing. 'get away' from ur wife 'as far as possible'. Do wad u need to do at home (some household chores maybe) and get out of the house as often as possible. If ur wife is always NOT at home, even better, then u stay at home save money. The idea is to stay away from negative things like bickering and arguements as much as possible.

Trust me, deep inside u, still hoped tat ur wife turn into the women u once loved and cherished. Keep tat right infront of ur mind and brush all the other negatives aside.

Sometime, when u lost the game, u might gain something even better back. When u lost the fight, u body might remain unwounded. When u lost the war, then u might finally realise wad a lousy king u hav right from the beginning and u led a much better life. Everything changes when u lost and most of the time, changes r for better.

Wif the game,fight,war ongoing, nothing change...when u fight wif urself, u'll never win;neither lost. Now do u realise who u r up against wif right from the start? Nobody gonna know...when u lost to urself (and when u lost to urself, guess who won)

[Rickey]

Guys...Maybe ur wife has presumabley ruined ur marriage, but definately NOT ur life. U r responsible for ur own life. Get ur life back-the legal and proper way.

Don't hav to treat her as ur wife anymore if she don't treat u the way she should as a wife. But u also don't hav to hurt her or punish her. Put her aside and get ur bloody life back before u grow too old for it and regret whole life.

When a person lived wif u for very long, u two starts to reflect each other's behaviour without knowing. 'get away' from ur wife 'as far as possible'. Do wad u need to do at home (some household chores maybe) and get out of the house as often as possible. If ur wife is always NOT at home, even better, then u stay at home save money. The idea is to stay away from negative things like bickering and arguements as much as possible.

Trust me, deep inside u, still hoped tat ur wife turn into the women u once loved and cherished. Keep tat right infront of ur mind and brush all the other negatives aside.

Sometime, when u lost the game, u might gain something even better back. When u lost the fight, u body might remain unwounded. When u lost the war, then u might finally realise wad a lousy king u hav right from the beginning and u led a much better life. Everything changes when u lost and most of the time, changes r for better.

Wif the game,fight,war ongoing, nothing change...when u fight wif urself, u'll never win;neither lost. Now do u realise who u r up against wif right from the start? Nobody gonna know...when u lost to urself (and when u lost to urself, guess who won)

Thank u v. much, bro Max77 for yr v. good views and advices....fully agree wif everything u hav written in yr msg...

In fact, hav been practising some of the views u mentioned. Still having a v. faint hope of the situation turning around for the better... life as we all know is full of twists and turns....1 day we may be good frens, the next we can be total strangers....but as u say bro, just in case things dun really turn out as u hope for in the end, all is not lost, there might be something better coming to yr life in the future.

Thanks again for yr positive encouragement to living !!....:) Much appreciated, bro !

[Frankiestine]

Right bro, I am also holding out for a glimmer of hope but all too soon things will be back to square one. Bro Max you are right about taking back control and that what I intend to do now, right or wrong I am not one who is bother about all these moral or ethic craps. I intend to look to go back to my cheonging ways again or look for a FB. I reckon its better to put and invest my feelings in a woman who will appreciate then one who is only constantly putting me down.

[Max77]

Right bro, I am also holding out for a glimmer of hope...

..right or wrong.. I intend to.. look for a FB. I reckon its better to put and invest my feelings in a woman who will appreciate...

Ppl intentionally look for FB(s) when their life gets boring and too well-off. They need some challenge. The excitement of getting into trouble and getting out. Bro u very wild and adventurous leh haha

But do bear in mind tat u r not tackling the problem of 'wife not interested in sex' by doing this, u r tackling the problem of 'how to get enuff sex/love'.

[Max77]

... just in case things dun really turn out as u hope for in the end, all is not lost, there might be something better coming to yr life in the future...

Actually i'm not fit to giv anybody any advice. I'm someone who persue others to follow the stream flow while i always find myself standing right in the middle of gushing down pour. Too often i fall into the well head down and climb out wif mouthful of algae and weeds. I don't view my life seriously, never felt the need to. Never plan for anything, jus picking up discard buns on the floor when i'm hungry and squeeze in between the crowd for warm and comfort when i'm cold.

I once walked out of a women who sew my body back into one piece, giv me food and shelter, oni to walk toward tat well (still remember tat well?) and finding a lame excuses to dive in yet again.

Maybe i deserve it. I asked tat women why she wanna find a piece of shit like me who can't probably giv her anything she need, is she trying to be a heroine? Then i finally realise, i'm indeed one bloody piece of shit who keep trying to be a hero...haha

[Tailok]

I have to say here, many people here try to find excuses to have a fling or two even many. Blame it on the wife poor libido etc.. I think not all are true. Blame it on evolution. It it natural that all men tries to spread their seeds to as many women as possible. It is part of nature. Even when the wife is highly sexed, they will still find excuses to have more.

1st law of nature - "Go forth and multiply"

This is why we are on this planet. To multiply n reproduce. Otherwise, human have extinct long ago. Success is to multiply. More often, more women.. It's only natural. :p

[orneryjoe]

Tailok....

True that men tend to behave polygamously by nature.

Isn't that the bestest excuse to behave polygamously? Ha, ha....