Sisters please respond

[cleanfreak]

My gf just broke off with me today. It's a long story.

We've been together for about 4years. I have to admit that I can be quite a male chauvinist at times and will scold her over small matters. Sometimes when we quarrel I can be very harsh on her. Recently I started going out with my friends quite alot and she wants to tag along but I ask her to find her own programs. We quarrelled once about it. past few weeks I've been neglecting her and going out without her while she goes out with her own friends.

One day she came back and told me that she's happier with her friends. She dreads coming home and seeing me as she doesn't know when I will quarrel with her again. Also for the past one year I've been in and out of jobs so she doesn't feel the sense of security from me. Happiness won't come without the sense of security. Until she told me her heart is hard.

We agreed on giving her sometime to cool down and try being together again giving ourselves a 2months period of time to try it out.

I know I have to start working and show her that I will be able to give her a sense of security and also change my bad habits. But really afraid she will still say no after all...

Just needed a channel to voice my thoughts. Thanks:(

[Devil4U]

if you really love her...treasure her and starts showing her with love.

[big9n]

SORRY i not girl but hey treasure her when she still yours!!!!

don't regret when she finally gone from you. :)

[cleanfreak]

I'm supposed to let her cooldown for awhile before we try to get back together again and give it a final try. But there's no promise from her that all will be well again even if I can change and show her that I'll work hard. :(
I'll still have to try and impress her though. But it's probably because we were living together and I believe living together before marriage would make us gradually take things between us for granted, sub-sonsciously.

Thanks for the encouragement.

[big9n]

i'm supposed to let her cooldown for awhile before we try to get back together again and give it a final try. But there's no promise from her that all will be well again even if i can change and show her that i'll work hard. :(
i'll still have to try and impress her though. But it's probably because we were living together and i believe living together before marriage would make us gradually take things between us for granted, sub-sonsciously.

Thanks for the encouragement.


i know you try to impress her but the more you talk with less action is equal than never work hard at all.... Give her more freedom and space what she try to do while you mainly focus work hard for now on.... Hint her abit by abit to let her know you trying very hard now while she can see it.... Don't annoying her because it will bring more bad things up...... Don't worry about other guys as if she is yours mean yours! :)

good luck bro~

[JoyJoy]

Give her some time to breathe some air outside, in meanwhile improve urself to a better bf, prove to her u have changed..:)

*Dun juz say say n do nothing..Tis will make her more annoy :mad:*

[liberatte]

Hey, get married, pop out some kids. I am sure thay can change everything.

[hornyhead]

bro,make her preganant,that way she cant escape.no matter wat hapen.

[toyotavios]

Girls just need you to spend time with her just like u wanted to spend time with her. Think about how two of you start this relationship... I guess it must be something that sweet enough to make her feel it worth to be treasured.

Life is not smooth, treasure what you have and treat it as a gift from HIM.

[tattoohammer]

Give her some time to breathe some air outside, in meanwhile improve urself to a better bf, prove to her u have changed..:)

*Dun juz say say n do nothing..Tis will make her more annoy :mad:*

i oso did the same lei but hor she is still angry with me lei...:D:D

[JoyJoy]

i oso did the same lei but hor she is still angry with me lei...:D:D

Coz u deserve it mah

[cleanfreak]

i oso did the same lei but hor she is still angry with me lei...:D:D

bro your reply made me laugh.:D

thanks bros.

[PepperO]

Hi TS..

I'm sorry to put it this way, but as a woman, I do think you have been taking your gf for granted for way too long. For her sake, I thank God that she is doing something for herself.

Most people do not know this, but not all women need their men to be rich with the 5C's. What they really want is a man who is not complacent, who bothers to strive to be better, so that they can see a future with him.

Fair enough, you seemed to have hit a rough patch in your career.. but the way you treated her is inexcusable. You should be lucky that she agreed for a cool-off period and not a "this is it". Do something about your life - enrol for a course to upgrade yourself, take up a sport.. Instead of spending your money on drinking your life away, you can spend it more constructively.

All the best to you.. :)

[s4spec2]

i am also not a girl. but this is my point of view. eventually at the end of the day what a girl is looking for in a man is sense of security, ie financially stable.

period

[Mr MCBB]

My gf just broke off with me today. It's a long story.

We've been together for about 4years. I have to admit that I can be quite a male chauvinist at times and will scold her over small matters. Sometimes when we quarrel I can be very harsh on her. Recently I started going out with my friends quite alot and she wants to tag along but I ask her to find her own programs. We quarrelled once about it. past few weeks I've been neglecting her and going out without her while she goes out with her own friends.

One day she came back and told me that she's happier with her friends. She dreads coming home and seeing me as she doesn't know when I will quarrel with her again. Also for the past one year I've been in and out of jobs so she doesn't feel the sense of security from me. Happiness won't come without the sense of security. Until she told me her heart is hard.

We agreed on giving her sometime to cool down and try being together again giving ourselves a 2months period of time to try it out.

I know I have to start working and show her that I will be able to give her a sense of security and also change my bad habits. But really afraid she will still say no after all...

Just needed a channel to voice my thoughts. Thanks:(



I did not delete any of your comments/post as I felt that you had already taken the most important step of all - that is to recognize and admit your own shortcomings (which I had highlighted in RED)

The next most important step is - let her know you have realized those shortcomings and are sincere in not recommitting them in order to win her trust and confidence in the relationship my friend ;)

[TheGreatOne]

You should be lucky that she agreed for a cool-off period and not a "this is it". :)

if you asked me, i would say the girlfriend has finally woke up from her 'she-tot-TS-is-the-white-knight-in-shining-armour' dream and realised what she had been missing all along. And yes, this is her way of breaking up with you, TS. If she can live 2 mths without you, what makes you think she will change her mind after knowing new people of 2 months worth?

she was yours and you din treasure so what to do?

[dickydicky81]

Bro live still goes on... Always remember to treasure your love one... GD Luck :-)

[Ronsee]

TS..my 2 cents of thoughts to share with you.

My gf is a foreigner who came to work in SG about 1 year ago. When she was here we both rented a room and lived together.

We eat, slept and did almost everything together besides the time when we were both working. We were like seeing each other every day. And even the days when i wasnt staying in the house we would still meet after work.

I spent almost like 4 days a week sleeping with her in the rented room. Other days i will go back to my own home.

During the first 3-4 months we were together we started to rub each other alot on our differences and habits. As a result a lot of fights and arguments resulted and sometimes these arguments even became very physical confrontations. we almost 'broke up' numerous times as a result and each time it happens both of us got hurt alot.

Over the whole cause of the 1 year, both of us decided that we really need to give each other space and it was not necessary to meet each and every day. We need to go out and spend time with friends sometimes, go out with colleagues etc.

Not long ago we decided to give up the rented room and now she shifted to stay with her female colleague in a Master bedroom together.

With all these changes, our relationship has entered a difference phase...we are now more happier because when we dont meet so often we tend to treasure our time more when we are together. We dont take for granted the time we have. When we go out its always to spend quality time together.

Just last night both of us were out with 2 close friends watching F1 night race at Furama Hotel Bar.

And this has given us more joy and comfort in the relationship.

I think to be in love doesnt mean its always a need to be together every day or spending lots of time together. I believe trust, understanding and faith is important.

Sometimes we dont meet for 2-3 days due to both of us bz with work but we make it a point to text or call each other and talk lovey dovey words and show concern over the phone calls and texts. This it self means alot to both of us.

Going out with other friends or bz with work doesnt mean we neglect each oher. We still find time to meet regularly and engage in meaning activities when we are together. i think that is important in a relationship.

And doing so we have not fight or argued anymore and both of us still love each other as much as we did and we are happy with our status right now. I will say this..your GF is also and always your BEST friend....

Just my personal experiences to share with you TS...

Cheers
Ronsee

[yang punk]

But when you ultimately marry each other you will have to face each other every day right? Then how?

[TheGreatOne]

But when you ultimately marry each other you will have to face each other every day right? Then how?

nah no worries.

wedding is probably not on his menu anyway :rolleyes:

[ah rat]

nah no worries.

wedding is probably not on his menu anyway :rolleyes:

Bridegroom possible :D

[cleanfreak]

Bridegroom possible :D

Lol...Actually we already applied for a flat. Only waiting to get the keys.

Any bros or sis has any suggestion on how should I go about sending a bouquet of flowers to her? She likes purple so I was thinking of a bouquet of purple roses. But the quantity of flowers is symbolic I think? Like a certain amount of roses mean "I love you", another amount means "You're the only one" etc..

[Toyota Honda]

Lol...Actually we already applied for a flat. Only waiting to get the keys.

Any bros or sis has any suggestion on how should I go about sending a bouquet of flowers to her? She likes purple so I was thinking of a bouquet of purple roses. But the quantity of flowers is symbolic I think? Like a certain amount of roses mean "I love you", another amount means "You're the only one" etc..

Bro,

I think you can go and read bro andthenhor's story entitled ' My colleague last day'. You can find the answer. From what I gathered. Safe to buy 24 roses cos it means thinking of you every hour etc...

And my usual practice is to have the flower sent it to her office during office hours. sure work.. Right sisters?

[GoodSexyDeal]

bro ,

my 2 cents worth

sometimes in life when we get into relationships we started off very happy , thinking that we were suited for each other.

over time people might feel and see that in reality the both of them really have some differences regardless of personality , needs , etc . but due to the long relationship the just ' ren ' and carry on, causing both parties to suffer and suffer.

my point is that since after 4 years , still need a cool down period. its quite obvious that maybe u guys are not suited for each other. rather than cont must as well spend the time getting ur career back on track.

as adults we know that these kinda of periods of cooling down will have a long term effect on the relationships.

no point cont till 14 years than realized that it was a mistake to cont.

we only live once.

all the best bro.

* ps this is actually happening to me now.
so i guess its just me trying to say out my heart matter. but i hope it helps u.
as guys we must have a career than we can take care of family.

[cleanfreak]

Bro,

I think you can go and read bro andthenhor's story entitled ' My colleague last day'. You can find the answer. From what I gathered. Safe to buy 24 roses cos it means thinking of you every hour etc...

And my usual practice is to have the flower sent it to her office during office hours. sure work.. Right sisters?

haha any sisters verify?

bro ,

my 2 cents worth

sometimes in life when we get into relationships we started off very happy , thinking that we were suited for each other.

over time people might feel and see that in reality the both of them really have some differences regardless of personality , needs , etc . but due to the long relationship the just ' ren ' and carry on, causing both parties to suffer and suffer.

my point is that since after 4 years , still need a cool down period. its quite obvious that maybe u guys are not suited for each other. rather than cont must as well spend the time getting ur career back on track.

as adults we know that these kinda of periods of cooling down will have a long term effect on the relationships.

no point cont till 14 years than realized that it was a mistake to cont.

we only live once.

all the best bro.

* ps this is actually happening to me now.
so i guess its just me trying to say out my heart matter. but i hope it helps u.
as guys we must have a career than we can take care of family.

thanks bro. what u say is very true. but she definitely is someone who can be a wife. my family likes her alot.

how are things on ur side? hope all is well for u =)

[MoralEpitome]

My gf just broke off with me today. It's a long story.

We've been together for about 4years. I have to admit that I can be quite a male chauvinist at times and will scold her over small matters. Sometimes when we quarrel I can be very harsh on her. Recently I started going out with my friends quite alot and she wants to tag along but I ask her to find her own programs. We quarrelled once about it. past few weeks I've been neglecting her and going out without her while she goes out with her own friends.

One day she came back and told me that she's happier with her friends. She dreads coming home and seeing me as she doesn't know when I will quarrel with her again. Also for the past one year I've been in and out of jobs so she doesn't feel the sense of security from me. Happiness won't come without the sense of security. Until she told me her heart is hard.

We agreed on giving her sometime to cool down and try being together again giving ourselves a 2months period of time to try it out.

I know I have to start working and show her that I will be able to give her a sense of security and also change my bad habits. But really afraid she will still say no after all...

Just needed a channel to voice my thoughts. Thanks:(

i did not zap you but from the brudders that did already speak volumes about how a loser you are for treating your gf this way...hopefully she will be smart enuff to leave you

[ipwnyou]

IMO, girls just need someone which they know care/love for them. At the very most you can do is to make things interesting for both of you.
It's like you see her happy then you feel happy too that kind of feeling.
If like no one care for her, she'll be like rebellious (like me) :x
Same goes for me, don't want to go home but veryvery late.
For me not me and boyfriend problem but yeahs.
Same goes for social friends and families.

[bouncin_bunny]

Sorry don't mean to butt in out of nowhere. was just surfin around and saw your thead. I'm female, has been for the past 30+ yrs so i guess i've some experience to comment.

haha any sisters verify?

yeah, 24flower are GORGEOUS! but aren't u still "in between jobs"? what would a large bouquet indicate to her? maybe she might think you're being impractical and wasting money you don't have? and correct me if i misread, she wanted the "cooling-off" 2months ago and you've not done anything to change your employment status? another sister has stated very clearly. when we women say "sense of security", we mean someone who is striving to improve his own standings, someone who is behaving responsibly in handling his own life and is showing to us that yes, he can take care of himself, me and maybe our children in the future.

Yes, rich boys are fun to go out with but innately, alot of us will wonder if we have what it takes to keep those rich players with us for the long haul so in the long run, it is really the guy who makes us feel safe, emotionally, mentally and financially.

I've been in a relationship where my ex and i had a HUGE gap in our educational background but it didn't stop us from getting together cos i saw his efforts in improving himself, in wanting to better himself. That to me, is the right attitude in a man for me to go through life with.

thanks bro. what u say is very true. but she definitely is someone who can be a wife. my family likes her alot.

another question here. you love her or your family like her? your gf is not just going to be a daughter-in-law, sister-in-law or even a mother. she is first and foremost, your WIFE-to-be.

do you want her back because your family likes her? or is it out of habit since u've been together for so long? or you are afraid of not being able to find someone else? or is it because you truly love her and want her back, despite you both have some obvious differences?

hope these questions have given you some basis for your next course of action.

either way, i wish you all the best.

how are things on ur side? hope all is well for u =)

[cleanfreak]

Appreciate the replies here. Yes I've already took the first and most important step forward and that is to get a job. My course for my new job should be commencing next week or latest the week after. Actually I've passed the test to be a property agent recently too. Will get down to it too once I have a confirmed schedule for my day job.

Like I said she can be a very good wife. What I meant by my family liking her alot is that my family told me they can see she's a good girl and asked me to treat her well.
After having a chance to look at things from a different view, I know very well one of the main causes of this mess is my complacency with her, thus taking her for granted.