Your Opinion on Sex with a Married Woman or Attached Girl (Dilemma on Morality)

[Hunting]

Hi All Sexual Predators,
I would like to have an open forum on what you all (Guys & Gals) think about such sensitive issues.

Firstly, i must admit that this is an occurrences that happened once too many throughout the years. I am no Hollywood stud nor gigolo in the making. However, i have been around the block quite a bit.

So let me get to the point. If there's a gal or a guy (for ladies) that you like quite a bit but she/he is attached or married and known her/him for a while. You have gone out as casual friends previous (girls' status is known) with no intend but after awhile the friendship gets too comfortable and things got to the morality point. You sleep together once, twice, then more. Similarly, it does also happened in a reverse role where i'm (am a guy) attached and gets drawn (hooked) to another girl while i'm involved.

Now, i know that by the book this is immoral. But i think at times it was meant to happened due to temptation, where the guy/girl relationship is weak or the parties are just sexually more active then what they are getting. Now, I asked myself for those girl(s) that i had affairs with will they cheat even if it's not with me? I believe so (90% of them). I am embarrassed to say i had more then 1 affairs over a long period of time. All different combination of status (me:Single w married, Attached w Single, married w married). OK, I know i'm screwed up. :(

What i would like to put forward as an open discussion for our learned bros & sis are your views.

I know by default man are always the bad ones but i am sure there are those from the opposite sex who are hunters as well and its no fairytale.

This is a dilemma for me and i know there's this talk about morality and kama that will find its way around.

I am not sure what kind of responds i'm expecting but i do appreciate if our Bros & ladies can share your views.

Many thanks & be well.
Cheers

[PeaceWithin]

Morality... is somewhat over-rated. It all boils down to conscience, which causes the 'dilemma' as mentioned.

We are all adults here. And we do things with eyes wide open knowing fully well the potential risks and consequences. No one can force oneself (nor the other party) to do things that we don't want to do.

I'm no saint either... 2 weeks ago, I rejected a married lady and yet she still writes to me saying miss me, blah... blah... So who's hunting who?

It's like saying... if you don't wear cap, then don't complain about the increased risk of STD when go raw.

If one doesn't want to feel guilt, then don't do it. Period. Simple as that.
If one does it, then be prepared to feel guilty, it's a package deal.

Pardon me... I'm just a bit more pragmatic about this...

[hickeybites]

TS... very loaded thread/question u have posed.... this is my own personal 2c
I'm a married woman & i've yet to prey on anyone but I've experienced being cheated on.

With that said, i don't think there's a fixed or standard set of morals that everyone has to abide by.
In every unique relationship, there's so much going on that the 2 people actually involved themselves may not have the full picture.
Sometimes infidelity happens when one party just doesn't respond anymore, causing the other to seek comfort elsewhere....
Sometimes it could be a case of both parties thinking that they are open enough only to realize that one party may be more hurt than expected when deed is done...
So many "permutations" of factors.

In an ideal alternate reality, of course there wouldn't be infidelity, pain & betrayal.
And before we choose to bed someone else, we would do the proper thing by dealing with the problem & perhaps separating/divorcing first, thereby not cheating.
But then there would also be peace on earth, no wars, no poverty, no starvation...

I'm not being flippant & I do view infidelity seriously... but at the same time I recognize that we mere mortals are flawed & vulnerable.
At the end of the day, we've got to be responsible for ourselves & our own actions.
I may view infidelity as immoral but if my partner chooses to view otherwise, then i've got to be responsible for myself & my own actions - I'll choose to walk away.
And in ur case, if u view infidelity as immoral, what do u want to do about it?

My fav phrase: shit happens (more often than not). Whether as the giver or receiver, I think what is more pertinent is how we handle things.
Do we stir up more shit; run & take cover when shit hits the fan; or pull up our boots & try to clean up the shit as best as we can?
Sorry for my bad taste in analogies (brain jammed) - but u get my drift...

[iamfire]

Instead of giving in into temptation, why not find the reason why you're relationship is getting boring/routine. Once you find out the reason, you will be able to fix/bring the spark back in your relationship.

It all boils down to "dont do unto others what you dont want them to do unto you".

Bonking fl/wl is different from having an affair, as there is no feelings involved. :D

[bradpitt968]

I feel that there is no point in discussing.

I always tell people ...

"If you feel bad, don't do it."

"If you do it, don't feel bad."

Just follow the rule above ... and you should be ok.

[arsenal_84]

If one doesn't want to feel guilt, then don't do it. Period. Simple as that.
If one does it, then be prepared to feel guilty, it's a package deal.


my shipping friend told me recently,
wanna play then don't be scared.
if scared, then don't play.

i do feel is a package deal even when is with an FL.

[calvintan123]

Its choice.
To do it is a choice.
Dun do it, also a choice

But others are entitled to have a choice on how they feel abt you if you get found out.
Jus dun kpkb after u made ur choice
You already know the consequences before hand.

You made the choice in the 1st place....nobody force you.
At the end of the day we all still have to live with the choices we had made....

make your choices wisely. :)

[Sexy Under]

Opinions don't matter. Neither is there a right or wrong to it. For a party to stray, the other must be delinquent in one way or the other.

Many of us make the necessary mistakes and then push the blames here and there. Dare do it, dare face it, is all I can say.

Kpkb here or anywhere else is not going to help.

[orneryjoe]

Some things are right; other things are wrong. The difficult thing about morality however is that quite often, it's hard to tell whether something is right or wrong.

This is very different from saying that there is no such thing as right or wrong.

For example, helping a blind man cross the street is a moral act. On the other hand, plunging a dagger into another person without good reason is an immoral act.

Generally speaking, helping others is moral; hurting others is immoral.

However, some of our actions help and hurt at the same time. It may thus be very difficult to decide whether such actions are moral or otherwise. But that does not mean there is no answer.

This problem about morality is explored in Sam Harris's latest book, The Moral Landscape. You could borrow it from the National Library.

[naturegreen]

I feel that there is no point in discussing.

I always tell people ...

"If you feel bad, don't do it."

"If you do it, don't feel bad."

Just follow the rule above ... and you should be ok.

Totally agree. What's more it takes 2 hands to clap.

[digby]

Was in this rs with a pub waitress. I was very honest to her from the beginning saying i'm already attached. But she still fall in love with me. Sleep together. One she just blew off when she got drunk and called my girl friend. Everything was in a mess. My life was so screwed up i cannot believe i'm still alive.

It no karma for such thing to happen. Nothing is a secret and the more dircreet you are, the more trouble you will get into.

Btw, im still together with my gf because she does not know i slept with thie waitress so be wise and remember there is a saying "its a beautiful lie"

[HayHot]

My fav phrase: shit happens (more often than not). Whether as the giver or receiver, I think what is more pertinent is how we handle things.
Do we stir up more shit; run & take cover when shit hits the fan; or pull up our boots & try to clean up the shit as best as we can?
Sorry for my bad taste in analogies (brain jammed) - but u get my drift...

I guess Life is full of Shit. You never know what shit you are going to get.

[kiasuking]

LIFE IS SHORT
Don't waste it. Do what you want. Less regrets after. For people who think of consequences too much, there will be too many ifs.. By the time you consider all the ifs, your life is over. Like what Nike says "Just Do it"!

[Frankiestine]

If you look at it from the Moral point of view then naturally its wrong but throw in the letter T in between the word Moral, then naturally we are only Mortals.

[yang punk]

LIFE IS SHORT[/B][/SIZE]

On the contrary...LIFE IS TOO LONG! We've got too much free time on our hands to do all the things we should not be doing! :rolleyes:

[Ichigo_Kurosaki]

Hi All Sexual Predators,

I would like to have an open forum on what you all (Guys & Gals) think about such sensitive issues.

Now, i know that by the book this is immoral. But i think at times it was meant to happened due to temptation, where the guy/girl relationship is weak or the parties are just sexually more active then what they are getting.

This is a dilemma for me and i know there's this talk about morality.....

Actually we are sexual prey not predators cos women seldom understand and no idea how strong and uncontroller men's sexual urges can be.

It is not our fault cos we are genetically built this way which is why we are given a penis to thrust forward in a giving mode (Unlike a virginal which is open to receive) and it is always pointing forward when erect like an arrow searching for bull eye (this is the same reason why a bull eye is red in color).

As love knows no height difference, same goes with our sexual urges knowing no height. Whenever they are on a higher ground than the high ground of morality, we often suffer a short period of memory loss. ;)

We are really innocent until proven gulity and on a moral value point of view, there is more happiness in giving than receiving can be. :D

[KingEros]

Just wish to quickly share my own 2 cents' worth ...

1st cent: Question of morality
What is morality actually? By its strictest code (our creator's definition of morality), SEX is meant solely for procreation & not recreation ... that's why in some obscure corners of the world, sodomy, fellatio and/or cunnilingus are still deemed as illegal acts.
However, if we have been obediently focused on solely procreating, then how different are we from a domesticated pet (ie, dog, cat, hamster, etc) ... think about it.

2nd cent: Pushing Envelopes
Humans would never have evolved to be THE species in control (at least when compared to any other animal species on Earth right now) ... so yes, we are where we are today becoz we dared to push the envelopes.
Some samsters here actually suggest that anyone on the verge of straying should first examine how to salvage a possibly failing relationship ... but I beg to differ: I know full well that I only need a simple meal to fill my stomach but I endeavour to have shark's fin, king prawns, sliced abalones, etc on my dinner table - so does a relationship need to be failing before one can stray?

I've had short flings & on-off liaisons with many women ... of a variety of marital status - the only morality measure I have: let go when they say so, that's the time they realise what they need is more than just multiple orgasms from having their sexual curiosities fulfilled. :D :D :D

[blohsg]

If one doesn't want to feel guilt, then don't do it. Period. Simple as that.
If one does it, then be prepared to feel guilty, it's a package deal.

What If I did it and didn't feel guilty or wrong about it initially?

I feel you can't just base your decisions on type of consequences ... coz you'll make excuses just to get around the guilt.

Like Oneryjoe mentioned, some things are "right" and others are "wrong" so it's up to your moral compass ...

it would be best to not mess with someone married/attached ... no matter how good it felt or how easy it is to engage with the other person ... but easier said than done for some ... juz my 2 cts

KingEros : Yes ... r/s doesn't have to be crappy for 1 to stray ... you just need a willing party to provide the opportunity ... its' a rather "dangerous" world out there for the attached & married with FL/women/men out there on the hunt. btw KingEros ... was it ez to let go initially when they said so?

[steamer]

it takes 2 hands to willingly clap.

but make sure u clap hands with the right person if u dun want shit later.

so moral of the story is..clap discriminately and discreetly. :rolleyes:

like the adage goes..."choose wisely" :)

[ManageYou]

Watch the movie Hall pass, maybe it might clear your mind.

[hella21]

The seventh commandment says "Thou shalt not commit adultery." Nevertheless, this sin has been committed throughout history. Today, though, adultery seems more rampant than ever. While tabloid stories report the affairs of politicians, millionaires, and movie stars, films like "The English Patient," "The Prince of Tides," or "The Bridges of Madison Country" feature and even promote adultery.

How prevalent is adultery? Two of the most reliable studies come to similar conclusions. The Janus Report on Sexual Behavior estimates that "More than one-third of men and one-quarter of women admit having had at least one extramarital sexual experience."

Whatever the actual numbers, the point to be made is that adultery is much more common than we would like to admit.

"There may be as many acts of infidelity in our society as there are traffic accidents. The fact that adultery has become commonplace has altered society's perception of it.

We won't go back to the times when adulterers were put in the stocks and publicly humiliated, or become one of those societies and there are many in which adultery is punishable by death. Society in any case is unable to enforce a rule that the majority of people break, and infidelity is so common it is no longer deviant.

[ashleygal]

when feelings are involved, there's no right or wrong. the only thing that matters is does being with this person makes you feel happy or not.
married/attached/single are just status. To me, as long as 2 parties are happy and are willing to be the 3rd party and able to take up the responsiblity if shit happens (ie; wife/husband or gf/bf found out about the affair), then they should just enjoy the moment together.

for me, as long as my future husband do not bring the shit back home, I will just ignore the affairs he had outside. meaning, when he steps into the house, all form of contacts with the 3rd party should stop. I don't mind my bf or future husband to look for FLs or flings as I know one cruel fact about men is that 99% of men will stray, in order for me to be happy and not being cranky, I rather give him the freedom to look for fun outside when I can't give him what he wants. as long as he be honest and truthful to me, I can close a blind eye to it (or maybe even ask the fling to join us for 3some?:D) There's a saying; if you can't beat them, join them. if i can't stop him from straying, then i should just let go and let him have his little fun outside. to me, as long as at the end of the day, he knows he have to go home and be the bf/husband of mine, I have no problem to the affairs he had.

i know my thinking sounds very screwed up... but coming from a once almost broken family and from my past r/s, these is what I have learnt, no man can ever survive any temptation when given the opportunites. I rather give my guy the freedom in return for his open-ness and honesty. That way, I will know his every move and have the security I need in order to know that he is still mine after the deed is done (FL) or when the fling ends.

[Hunting]

Hello All,
Wow!! First of all, thank you for coming into this tread and offer your thoughts. I am grateful for all the kind advices and insights to why such action should or shouldn't happened.

From the replies, my assumption from "guys" is quite straight forward as to assess the risk and both parties must be willing. A lady i.e Hickeybites (thank you) shared a personal encounter and her sound advice through interesting analogies (no punt intended). I hope to hear more from ladies who can share their own experiences and on how they see such relationships.

For myself like most men, my weakness for such continuous temptations are my shortfalls. I'm aware of my risks and repercussions associated with such relationship. As part of my rules of engagement, i will only process when all parties involved knows the risk & repercussions and are ready to walk away unconditionally i.e. legal family, 3rd party or all. Our 1st priority will always be our family in times of needs. With all said, i think i might still have some salvation left in me to ask myself if this is morally right. God please forgive me.

Part of the reason, i brought this issue up was that i have witnessed and spoken to guys who are having such "extra" relationships and it seems to be quite a norm in these modern times. Affairs (ouch! don't like this word) with secretary and colleagues, friends with benefits, mistress, sugarbabes, etc. Many of these men are like top executives, aircrews, CEOs, artists, etc. Some of these women are married and in their alternative lifestyle she behaves so differently from their married profile. I don't have the opportunity & idon't think its appropreate to talk about this with my friends "playmates". So i turn to this forum, Please forgive me wise ones.

Now, is there a reason why men and ladies are drawn to having such relationships? Is it because the "playmates" brings out the "best" in them or is this an avenue for them to explore stuff that they never do with their spouse. I was often told by ladies i'm "involved" in that "they wish they have met me earlier" and also things like "they have never done this with the men they married to and they will not let their spouse know they perform such act".

I know this is a bit cryptic but i don't think it's necessary to go into details. My secondary intend is to hear what is the element of desire that attracts men & women into such infidelities (ouch!) which they cant get from their own spouse.

Fellow infidels (sorry but i guess this is what they would call us), what's your take on this? Ladies i hope to hear from you too on what so great about the men that your life partners didn't deliver.

Sorry for those who came in to this thread and expect sexual stories. I hope i didn't put myself in the wrong thread for discussions on non-fiction life matters.

Thank you and hope to hear more from you.

Take care and be well.

[Hunting]

I don't mind my bf or future husband to look for FLs or flings as I know one cruel fact about men is that 99% of men will stray, in order for me to be happy and not being cranky, I rather give him the freedom to look for fun outside when I can't give him what he wants. as long as he be honest and truthful to me, I can close a blind eye to it (or maybe even ask the fling to join us for 3some?:D) There's a saying; if you can't beat them, join them. if i can't stop him from straying, then i should just let go and let him have his little fun outside. to me, as long as at the end of the day, he knows he have to go home and be the bf/husband of mine, I have no problem to the affairs he had.


Hi Ashleygal,
Thank you for being the 2nd lady to offer your thoughts. Your view seems to be quite unconventional to the extend of having threesome! My mindset is that men & women are equal to some extend in society and women now do take on a lead role in family matters too like being financially capable and their spouse being the homemaker. If i may ask you a question, will you see a possibility of you having an affair? And why?

Looking forward to hear from you. Thank you.


On a separate note to all: My apologies as i'm a junior member of this forum and my replies are dependent on "higher powers" to be published. So bare with me if it looks slow in coming through. Cheers!

[ashleygal]

Hi Ashleygal,
Thank you for being the 2nd lady to offer your thoughts. Your view seems to be quite unconventional to the extend of having threesome! My mindset is that men & women are equal to some extend in society and women now do take on a lead role in family matters too like being financially capable and their spouse being the homemaker. If i may ask you a question, will you see a possibility of you having an affair? And why?

Looking forward to hear from you. Thank you.

to be honest, when i was with my ex of 2yrs, I had this fling who is married. I knew the fling before I know my ex. ex was overseas for student exchange for 6 months, so things happened, hooked up with fling again and I never regret it. it was fun because throughout the 2 yrs I was with my ex, I had never enjoy sex.

If I ever stray, most likely is because I don't get to enjoy sex with that partner. BUT with my current partner, I am 100% sure I will not stray. sex is heavenly good and intense. he is the best bf and lover I ever have. :p

[arsenal_84]

no man can ever survive any temptation when given the opportunites.

there are still guys out there that can withstand temptation...i have 2 friends still virgin and swear off stepping into ktv or GL.
and another ex-classmate of mine who can book a room with a ktv girl and don't bonk her at all due to the fear of being stock take by his wife.
faithful guys are a rarity and strangely most ladies find such guys boring.

[KingEros]

KingEros: Yes ... r/s doesn't have to be crappy for 1 to stray ... you just need a willing party to provide the opportunity ... its' a rather "dangerous" world out there for the attached & married with FL/women/men out there on the hunt.
btw KingEros ... was it ez to let go initially when they said so?
Believe it or not, it was never difficult ... at least, with all the cases for me.
Simply because there was no love invested ... it was only the privileged private access to their bodily nooks & crevices I get which I loved - if anything, once I sensed that there is love from the other party, I tread with extreme care ... always ready to activate my ejection button. :D :D :D

[yang punk]

The Janus Report on Sexual Behavior estimates that "More than one-third of men and one-quarter of women admit having had at least one extramarital sexual experience."

If that is true...then mathematically it's the women who tend to have more than 1 extramarital sexual experience!:rolleyes:

[orneryjoe]

On the contrary...LIFE IS TOO LONG! We've got too much free time on our hands to do all the things we should not be doing! :rolleyes:

So what are all these things we shouldn't be doing, and who says we shouldn't be doing them?

[eeemen]

Believe it or not, it was never difficult ... at least, with all the cases for me.
Simply because there was no love invested ... it was only the privileged private access to their bodily nooks & crevices I get which I loved - if anything, once I sensed that there is love from the other party, I tread with extreme care ... always ready to activate my ejection button. :D :D :D

Agreed, no love invested, only the passion and lust :D. When its time to walk away, JUST DO IT!! cheers bros & Happy bonking ................

[blohsg]

Hall Pass : hehe sounds like a hilarious movie ... shows the different paths a married couple can take if given the freedom to prowl.

Some will DO IT while others will hesitate & not ...

T/S - I suppose you're not in a regular r/s and you've just been stumbling into these women who take advantage of your weaknesses ... hehe at least you've established some ground rules b4 engagement but have they revealed to you why/what are their reasons for their flings?

Stress in their r/s and not enough romance/excitement ?

ez to juz bonk and walk ... coz you make yourself feel numb / desensitize yourself from emotions ... but once you're hooked, it's hard to withdraw (no pun intended)

[Bigbird00]

Well bro, this is a very sensitive topic you have written and i hope you dont expect those who are doing this to come out and disclose themselves and share their secrets. However, credit goes to you for coming out and putting up your hand and say there's something wrong with this. What are you gonna do about it is another thing and am not to judge.

Like you said, there are many who are in EMA (extra marital affairs) with FB or mistress or paid services. The temptation of the flesh is one of the key vices next to gambling, alcohol, etc. I think most of us have been through this road before or are still on this path. What ever we do and very decision we make has a price. So be prepared.

[Hunting]

HI All,
Thank you all for your views. It's interesting to see all the different comments. One thing for sure, some of us have sex as part of our life and some make sex part of their lives. I for myself, who travels frequently enjoys the different flavors of cultures and lifestyles. This is where life is less monotonous for me.

T/S - I suppose you're not in a regular r/s and you've just been stumbling into these women who take advantage of your weaknesses ... hehe at least you've established some ground rules b4 engagement but have they revealed to you why/what are their reasons for their flings?

Stress in their r/s and not enough romance/excitement ?

Hi Blohsg,
Thank you for sharing your views. I have a partner who lives away from Singapore and is a professional. For me, am based in Singapore where it allows me to meet people who loves some excitement.

You hit the nail on its head, i come across many couples who loses excitement in their relationship (prob pass the honeymoon period) and thus it becomes monotonous and they take each other for granted. These days there are many women who are widely traveled and liberated, expects more in their lives.

For me, when it comes to priorities, it's always my family and i expect this when it comes to the other party too and we will walk away or have a cooling period when things becomes risky.

I believe there are many bros & sis who have similar lifestyle, hopefully we can hear from them too.

Cheers & be well!

[jerichoy2j]

Personally married woman should be no-no..
but attached girl really depends

For me when I knew this lady, she was about to marry, but we still mix around everyday. She started the kiss 1st, started to touch me 1st. So we end up in the bed.. Everytime after sex, she will cry as she feel guilty but next time we met up again we did it again.. even the day before her ROM.

I actually ask her to be with me but becos the "face" she cant back up the ROM and also getting the key of the HDB soon.

But we never contact after she got married.
Even she did msg me after her ROM.


Another case is a married woman, but divorcing in process.. got I guess that is alright too..

[blohsg]

Jerichoy - sex is sex & that feeling of reaching Ecstasy at the same point of climax with the other person is indescribable sensational ... plus all the sweat/cream and aftershocks ... it's fucking gr8 but it'll b easier if we don't have to deal with responsibilities & consequences after we come to our fucking sen5es. You can detach from the pleasures but maybe she couldn't emotionally detach ...

If it's alright for you that's fine ... well some gurls do fuck/forget too ... i'm not judging but have you wondered if you're also the reason why she is "cheating" & feeling guilty becoz you made yourself so readily available? hehe i'm assuming you didn't bait her with companionship/fun/laughter/wine&dine/TLC.

If you were in her shoes and there's a guy offering you a good time w no strings attached and he walks away feeling "that was a good fuck & that's all to it" but leaves you feeling shitty & lousy, do you think that guy is helping you with your current r/s problems? :confused:

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

T/S = all r/s ends up taking each other fer granted at some point ... they don't just break up but maybe after some "communicating" to each other compromises are made to get things back on track ? Others prefer to find easier options to "satisfy" their needs ... resulting in a few unwanted heart + head(no pun intended) aches.

Good that you have a set of rules to abide to stay on track ... your situation allows you "experience" the alternative lifestyle which is fine and dandy if your partner (doesn't find out or disapproves totally).

hehe so what are you going to do then ?

Those who "eat out" is pretty strai8 forward cash for sex ... hopefully no emotions traded ... no permission required.

There are those who swing ... where it's mutually agreed upon but it sometimes still comes with certain play rules. Maybe they can offer alternative views on your topic.

Anyway ... best not to dabble with (sometimes needy/deprived/unhappy) married men/women ... too much baggage ... so many FL & WL around hehe dun disappoint them.

[arsenal_84]

Anyway ... best not to dabble with (sometimes needy/deprived/unhappy) married men/women ... too much baggage ... so many FL & WL around hehe dun disappoint them.

i agreed that the baggage is too much to bear.
besides is just immoral to do up some other's person wife, i could never be able measure up to my own conscience.
sometimes i feel banging those FLs is already eating into my conscience.