View Full Version : how much is enough from a heartless and selfish husband for me to take??
Mariagracia
06-04-2012, 12:15 AM
i dont know how to start,i have been having this dillema for almost 3 years now with my husband,i met him in the philippines 2007,after 6 months we got married,very fast i would say. i dont know that time i felt like it was destiny that brought us together,i was happy every minute im with him and i swept away by that feelings.. we got married, we lived together for short 6 months in sydney then moved to shanghai,lived there for 2 years,had our first daughter. our first years of being together married was happiness for me,till one night we had a drinks,got drunk, spilled one of his deepest secret,,he was already married to someone else when he married me,i dont know how the hell it happened, but he manage to, he said he left his wife and two boys for me, just to be with me. i was hurt, i got hurt, i felt cheated..i wanted to leave, but i thought of our little girl and i stayed and tried to work things out with him..
i lived each day with him with the guilt that i shouldnt be having that theres abandon family somewhere because of me. i tried to forget it and just focus on our family alone..so slowly gained my trust again, but i couldnt help thinking that if he had done that once , he might do it again to us...
things didnt work out for him in china,so with the visa prob that were having, we have to go back to phil and wait till he finds a new job..
we were having our second child when that happen..not knowingly while we were there, he was already having an affair with this chinese when our daughter was just 6 months old.
one find day, i got a call from a woman and texted me that shes my husband girlfriend for almost 1 and half years and that they are live together when i left china.i was 6 months preg,it pain me a lot.i remember how painful it was,i couldnt eat,i almost wanted to killl myself. i worried about our children,i never thought he would do such thing on us after i had tried to forgive him for cheating me to marry him.i called him, he said that woman was crazy,he said he got no choice bec she tried to kill herself a few times bec of him..i believed him, he told me he just want to settle her down and bring her back home to her mum so she would be safe when he will break up with her.. i believed him, for the sake of our children,
he found a job in melbourne, he said well start a new there and be together as a family again,i went him there. he blamed the whole time why he had an affair. he said i have become suspicous and change.i went with him,our one month there together, ive tried everything i can to please him,one night he callled me and ask me to prepare the other room and fix it for they are coming,hes bringing her to our house. we will stay together. he warned methat she might hurt me because she doesnt know that im there. i almost died. i didnt know what to do,i was 8 months preg and i only have my 2 year old daughter with me. i went to the neighbor to tell them what he had just told me,they said they will call police for me..
after two hours they came,my daughter normally when she hears her father car she will come out and welcome him. she did,they opend the door then she saw my two yr old daughter and slapped her hard then she turned to me and kicked my tummy hard.i screamed,my husband was just standing there watching me getting beat up. what can a 8 month pregnant can do? police came,asked them to leave, i was brought to the hospital, i called him he said he will not pay for any bill iw ill incur so left the hospital and went back home. i saw them there, they didnt leave..i got no where to go, no money, nothing, i have no choice but to stay there.
he said hes torn between us and he doeasnt know what to do. he asked why cant we lived in harmony and accpet that he both love us. the other one was so eager to get rid of me.
i couldnt take it anymore,i was there and it doesnt seem that i exist,theyve been having sex, letting me me know that they are doin it.i left the house with all my stuffs with my daughter walked out of the house in the cold, that time it was winter. along the road some good samaritan offered help and called some organizations for women to accomodate me.i told them the story an they said i have a good chance of staying in there country and get help from the govt and i would never need his help.
i gave birth alone,and my daughter was place into a foster care for a while,my son gotnothing, no clothes, nothing. he was clothes from donation from different people. they went together to visit us, the two of them. i was stil having contact with my husband that time, he said he will let her go when her visa is up,thats three months. after everything he had done i still love him. he was my first love, the longest relationship i ahd,. i never beleive in marriage but wwhen i met him, i threw all those inhibitions and married him. i hope and believe again that he might be telling the truth this time. i gave him time,i waited for three months. she left the country went back to china..he took us and rented a house for us, while he was still renting the house they stayed. he said he needs to pretend that hes not in contact with me anymore. i asked him why, he said its the way for him to get over her slowly.he comes home with me at night after they talk online, its was like that for 4 months. i let him. suddenly he told me one of his secret again. he said hes addicted to sex and hes been fucking prostitute and keeping a record of the whores he fucked, he said he wants to reach 2000. i dont know how did i take it that time.i just took it like that. maybe because im already numb?
he couldnt bring her back to australia, her visa has been rejected a few times. he resigned and moved to singapore. i was left in melbourne alone.confuse wether i will follow him or not. they met in singapore and stayed together for a month, he bought us ticket to go malaysia. he said give him one month to be with her and hell let her know that he chose us.
everybody can call me stupid but i left melbourne and follwed him here. i let the woman knows im there and she left him.she finally left him. she found out about his hobby of fucking prostitute, she left ..
now one year without her..but the pain never stopped..he said i agreed that he can fuck whoever he wants as long as he let her go, i did say that jsut because i want her out..
hes doin it everyday, telling me everyday, making me feel it everyday. hooking up with women, clubbing, dating..im stil hurting even with oout her, even more pain.. he wants me to accept it and stay with him..
i dont knw what to do..i have done everything for the sake of keeping our family together..but it hurts a lot. everyday he hurts me..what shall i do??
stephen_alfred
06-04-2012, 04:35 AM
Get out of your husband life and find a new love
stephen_alfred
06-04-2012, 04:37 AM
Well my dear, is either you face it or leave it. I think no one can bear with it when they found put that their other half had done something which is unforgivable
goodpartner
06-04-2012, 04:51 AM
Holy Crap!!! :eek:
Is this story for real or cut-n-pasted from elsewhere?
Can u list down the reasons WHY you can't leave him?
Let me start for eg...
1) You've no money and need to depend on him
2) You like to think that your children should not grow up without a father
3) You think you still love him because of those "feelings" you had initially
4) You're afraid that he'll beat the crap out of you if you dare to leave him
What else???:confused:
List'em down and you'll see where the problem is...
Then you'll get many solutions here.
Botakhead
06-04-2012, 08:31 AM
Dear Sis, I sympathise with your predicament. What is done, had been done enough already. Why do you still love hime when he can go gallivanting and leave you to fend for yourselves? Fucking record 2000, bullshit! Why believe in him coming back to your family with his heart?
You should really have gotten rid of him when you first found out that he's two timing with you when he's already married, now more people are being hurt, so sad case.
Now your way out is to look for a better life for both you and your children, are they still in foster care? Better to secure a custody and bring them with you back to your relations, if any, in the Philipines. Or your choice of which ever countries, leave him to his fucking record breaking sex addiction as he proudly proclaimed.
All the best to you and good luck.:)
DelisiA
06-04-2012, 08:56 AM
dear sis, try ask help from family member or contacts some close reletives or friends? i believe when u really need help sure got some people can be trusted slowly climb urself back if no choice, my life also quite messy but nt as messy as urs la but i also trying to slowly climb back as long as don giveup one day sure can lead a simple or the life u want unless u wan a very lavish life den different wish u luck sis
sgjoey
06-04-2012, 10:01 AM
Is he providing for you and your children? That's one key point. If he's not, there's no real reason for sticking around, is there?
And you can take consolation from the fact that he's at least totally forthright in his need to have sex with other women. That is something you either come to terms with or you cannot accept. You have to decide.
Once the lines concerning the two issues are clearly drawn, you can better decide what to do next with your life. It really depends on your personality. You could build a life even under the present circumstances, cultivating other interests such as watching your children grow, or even taking other lovers if you are so inclined. It's really up to you.
All humans are selfish, to a greater or lesser extent.
casannova03
06-04-2012, 10:19 AM
Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional ~ buddha.
You must believe that you have a choice and that things will work out the way you want it to be. It seems like it is you who cannot let him go.. Always giving in to his sweet talks and reconciliations proposals...
He has been frank and upfront about his liasions but you chose to be in his story, so in a way u consciously or unconsiously wanted in. Good thing is, you still have a choice!
Think about what you really want rather than what u think you cannot do or have..
Rickey
06-04-2012, 12:56 PM
Is he providing for you and your children? That's one key point. If he's not, there's no real reason for sticking around, is there?
And you can take consolation from the fact that he's at least totally forthright in his need to have sex with other women. That is something you either come to terms with or you cannot accept. You have to decide.
Once the lines concerning the two issues are clearly drawn, you can better decide what to do next with your life.
Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional ~ buddha.
You must believe that you have a choice and that things will work out the way you want it to be. It seems like it is you who cannot let him go.. Always giving in to his sweet talks and reconciliations proposals...
Good thing is, you still have a choice! Think about what you really want rather than what u think you cannot do or have..
Sis Maria, Shd seriously consider both the good advices from bro sgjoey & cassanova ...though they are short, they are targetted to the point of yr problem...Hopes everything wil work out well for u & yr kids :)...take care
Stud00
06-04-2012, 01:22 PM
Sister...
Apparently, this guy is a hell of a jerk, Dump him and move on.. the sooner you get his trash and shit for brains out of your life, the happier you would be. You are still young, many other more opportunities out there. Don't waste your life with him, and don't cast pearls to swines. Good luck!
lacoruna69
06-04-2012, 03:42 PM
are you looking for "carrot head" here?
eeemen
06-04-2012, 06:20 PM
I really don't know what to say!!?? I feel for u! Hope all is well, cheers sis .............
fdome
06-04-2012, 07:48 PM
looks more like a story to me, is he SG guy? Then how u get ROM registered again?
Take care sis :rolleyes:
callmebad
06-04-2012, 08:33 PM
this guy cheats every woman that comes his way
in fact all the women he bedded with are victims like you
let's order a gathering or meeting with those women he ever bedded with to think of ways to punish this guy or teach him a lesson and after you have meted out the punishment, you get out of his life and have a real life of your own
really sorry to hear about your situation
such is life, women like to fall for bad guys because such guys tend to be more interesting and knowing how to make women happy, can sweet-talk a lot, good to be with, but not good to spend the rest of your life with
good guys tend to be those boring type and women want none of this
sigh ! why must a lot of the stories between men and women have to be sad sex stories?!
that news about the guy gouging out the woman's eyes after killing her is terrifying, how can a Singaporean guy be so violent? I thought such sadistic act can only happen from China men!
fdome
06-04-2012, 09:48 PM
that news about the guy gouging out the woman's eyes after killing her is terrifying, how can a Singaporean guy be so violent? I thought such sadistic act can only happen from China men!
what is the news, happen in Singapore ??
Yardstick
07-04-2012, 04:58 PM
Sister... It is time to leave him. If you are still in Singapore. Approach AWARE. I am sure they will help you. There is no reason to have yourself tortured mentally by a man of such low standing. You deserve better, much better.
Hunky925
07-04-2012, 06:57 PM
Sis! Sue him for bigamy!
And trust mi... Bros and sis from this forum will support u all he way!!!
God bless u...
Dear sis, if the guy treat u like that I think the better ways is u jus let go. So many guy in tis world not only him.
TheHard
07-04-2012, 09:29 PM
Post a pic of him.....wana see the face of a true asshole.
zyspt
08-04-2012, 11:25 AM
should have left him long time ago.
file a divorce, get alimony for yourself and the kids, leave him to rot to die
husband or father, he is not playing any of the role well
apran
08-04-2012, 02:50 PM
if u can bear him, then you should keep the relationship, otherwise, divorce him
eighty2
09-04-2012, 10:49 PM
He has hurt you enough. Divorce him and get him to share half his assets with you. His action does not show me that he loves you anymore. He is a bastard. He does not deserve your love. There are better man out there.
Mariagracia
10-04-2012, 10:44 AM
while reading all your replies i couldnt stop crying, my tears just keep falling and my eyes are so blur typing this reply.. i really wanted to go and leave this life with him. i know i still have a choice and choose to be happy without him but i just couldnt leave, im afraid i woudnt be able to provide well for my kids, when he met i was still in college, i never work. im afraid to be out alone, its also somethingnew from me. i also couldnt face the fact that my children will grow up in a broken family thats i tried so god damn hard to keep our family complete, trying to accept and forgive the unforgiveable.i talked to family already, they all wanted me to leave him but i also cannot afford to think that we will be an added burden to them.i jsut dont want anyone to suffer because i keep making mistakes and bad decision. I could have just stayed in melbourne and started a new life there without him but i was weak now i do regret a lot coming here in malaysia for im still bearing the worst of him.
i cried and cried everynight and talk to him and askhim to stop but he said he couldnt help it, he needs to do it! he needs to have it prosti or not,but it really really hurts me., i feel so insulted and i couldnt feel myself anymore. he took away my sanity and real person in me, i couldnt get it back. everytime i know that he just did it and come back home, i couldnt even look at him. am i stil hurting because i still love him or am i hurting just for myself? im stil pretty much a good wife to him, iron his clothes, accompany him, prepare breakfast for him, cook for for him, im stil very nice to him,i dont know why im stil doin all this, i really dont know why..
he still providing for family paying all the bills,coz he is the only one working.,thats the only thing thats good about him now,im not living a happy life now but whenever i see my kids are ok, it calms my soul abit..but i know for sure that this is not the kind of love i want from my man, this is not the kind of life i wanted with someone..but what can i do??
maxpee88
10-04-2012, 10:49 AM
Dear Sis Maria
You know... us guys in Samsters may sometimes be labelled as over sexed males and only think about their little head. But we don't hurt people or screw up some one's life. In fact, if you ever read postings by some one in need for advise we try to give the best and most sane advice ever, and maybe sometimes, we let in a joke to liven up the mood (not for bad intentions)
And so, there have been some good and pointed (short to the point) advice written for you. What's more important is YOU and YOUR CHILDREN and not your husband.
Clearly, he's a 100% certified jerk and he cannot be changed in his behavoir. I cannot believe he allowed the Chinese woman to slap your kid and also KICK YOU when you were pregnant in Australia.
The way I read it, he is also doing this ON PURPOSE so that you leave him. He 's a chicken and does not want to start a divorce, maybe because he fears that you will bring him to court for bigamy (he was married when he married you)
You are intelligent enough. You know the answer and what is right for you and your kids.
A. Take him to court and make him pay for alimony for the kids
B. Forget about him. It is NOT YOU or your fault so don't be emotionally blackmailed.
C. Consider going back to Philippines with your Kids. At least they and you have a better chance of a decent living versus being marginalized by staying with your gutless jerk husband whether in S'pore, malaysia etc...
D. Think about your kids, Do you want them to grow up knowing their father is a fucker and abuses their mother?
Good luck and may god bless you.
apran
10-04-2012, 11:46 AM
Is he good and kind to the kids? If he is, then u may have a reason to stay with him for the sake of the kids eventhough other reasons tell u to leave him. If he doesn't, then u should leave him, also for the sake of the kids.
And if you decide to leave him, make sure he pays at least for the future expenses of the kids. And also, you should get half of the assets he has, this is the law in Indonesia. Maybe you can have the same treatment in the country you currently live.
Mariagracia
10-04-2012, 12:05 PM
maxpee88,
one reason why i wouldnt be able to bring him to court is money, i woundnt be able to afford a lawyer to cast a lawsuit to him, ever since i was with him he controlled everything, his money is his money, i do not have access to any of his finance and never give me any right to do so, it may sound very stupid but thats what really happening, he doesnt give me anything except for house and foods,anything else nothing extra..i forgot when was the last time i bought myself something..its pitty to know that im so still willing to stay with him, but it will cost a lot to leave him.. if i leave and just walk away like that, ill be really literally empty handed,and he also warned me that if i choose to leave i wont get anything from him, ill be alone all by myself with our children, i believe he will do so,i can make him pay for a few months then after he will run away, he said that to me once.. so he said i just have to accept it that im hopeless and helpless...
maxpee88
10-04-2012, 03:29 PM
maxpee88,
one reason why i wouldnt be able to bring him to court is money, i woundnt be able to afford a lawyer to cast a lawsuit to him, ever since i was with him he controlled everything, his money is his money, i do not have access to any of his finance and never give me any right to do so, it may sound very stupid but thats what really happening, he doesnt give me anything except for house and foods,anything else nothing extra..i forgot when was the last time i bought myself something..its pitty to know that im so still willing to stay with him, but it will cost a lot to leave him.. if i leave and just walk away like that, ill be really literally empty handed,and he also warned me that if i choose to leave i wont get anything from him, ill be alone all by myself with our children, i believe he will do so,i can make him pay for a few months then after he will run away, he said that to me once.. so he said i just have to accept it that im hopeless and helpless...
Maria
Why don't you go and approach AWARE. They can help you without the money factor you are so worried about. I am not a legal expert.
Let me be boldly blunt:
I sense you have not told us 100% everything why you are still so HUNG UP with this guy whom you described as really a jerk to you. Are you being honest with yourself? Because it is unbelievable that you still want to hang on to him when what you have shared with us bros that this guy is a 100% certified jerk. Unless you are not telling us the full complete situation.
I read your posts. You seem young enough. You can rebuild your life and your children life without him.
What do you want?
You want your kids to grow up knowing their mother is being abused and a have a jerk father?
What kind of mother are you then?
This will perpetuate in the psychology of your kids in their development phase.
Start afresh with your kids away from him. Don't you think its better to raise your kids without an abusive parental environment? If you are a loving mother, being a single parenthood does not spell doom for your kids. At least they grow up in a home filled with genuine LOVE and respect.
Be realistic to yourself. NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO CRY and pity yourself. If you are uneducated and lack a support system here in Singapore, then plan to go home to Philippines. Your family can still shelter you while you reset your life. When you are at work, at least your parents can take care of the kids. I am not chasing you away from Singapore, but this country is too costly for a single parent. Back in philippines, you can still carve out a decent living for yourself ad kids on a single income and you have your support system of family and friends.
If you have 2 capable hands, 2 working feet, and non-mentally screwed up head, WHY are you afraid to start anew? There are many people who are handicapped, less fortunate than you are, and still brave enough to be independent, and I don't see why you need to hang on to him for what? Money? is that all there is to it? Because if its only Money, then it is a poor excuse to stay in the relationship.
Don't mean to sound harsh - but you need to wake up and get moving on. Looking back is pointless. You cant turn back the clock and you can't change him.
maxpee88
10-04-2012, 03:57 PM
Maria,
Unrelated story - but hope you can draw the connection.
I know a girl. She married a great guy. But she was an insecure girl. She kept keeping tabs on him. The guy was just doing his guy thing. Hanging out with guy friends, occassionally having a guys night out with the usual KTV, Drinks, soccer matches night out at pubs..Nothing serious. Just a normal guy. Being Married, AS WHAT MARRIAGE CONCILLORS will tell you, does not mean you have to kill off your other life with your friends.
The guy was good. He provided everything. I said he provided everything, I mean every costs of living including holidays, buying her parents gifts and holidays and dinners. He literally took care of all the expenses. She didn't even come out a single cent to contribute to their own married household.
But she was screwed up mentally and being insecure. She wanted more out of him. She forced him to tell her, all his past adventures and in so doing, she became even more sadder. (see how fucked up she is?) But she never realised that the past he cannot change, but the present, he has been 100% super nice husband to her and well maybe a few indiscretions. No affairs nothing...
One day, her hubby wised up and left her. All she got was a goodbye note on the table. He said he was tired of her not appreciative of him, and continue to hang him on his past indiscretions (this is the woman trait of cannot forget and cannot forgive). He left and disappeared and went away with passport and all. 9 months later she found him through a PI and he was living with his exGF a happy man. She sued him and filed for divorce, but ended up getting very little despite women's charter. He had a good lawyer who traced her engagement to the PI tracking the husband needlessly. The court saw a mentally deranged wife and rule in favor of the hubby, on a marriage that was not tenable and sustainable due to the mental and emotional blackmail the wife had on him.
That happened 3 years ago. She is my colleague and she is so fucked up now because she regretted screwing herself for stupid in her fixation on herself.
She literally pushed away her nice hubby back to his exGF. She actually quit her job and dwelled in self-pity for 2 years before our company re-hired her becos she realized she needs to move on.
Yah, pointless and irrelevant story to tell you. But you should know what I am getting at.
Are you telling us the full story?
Are you perhaps screwed up mentally now and don't see the big picture?
Or perhaps you can't leave the guy, maybe the reality is that he is nice guy and you had pushed him too far ?
Or maybe you can draw your strength and be brave to start anew...
I dunno the answers. ONLY YOU KNOW.
But I do know, you as a mother, own the moral responsibility to raise your kid in a home filled with LOVE and RESPECT. If staying with him the home is not like this, YOU ARE being selfish to yourself only and your kids suffer.
The rest of the bros reading this - please dont flame me.
I am just asking Maria what's her point for wanting to stay on? and if there is something else we don't know?
dudenumber1
10-04-2012, 04:49 PM
Your story sounds... difficult to believe. I know for a FACT that getting a job in Aust without a PR or being a citizen is really difficult. The way you put in your writing that going there to work is so simple.
Furthermore, when you claim that in aust you had support. You choose to leave this support to live with your abusive hubby again somehow it does not make sense.
You are in hell, got out of hell and you choose to jump into hell again. Worse of all you dragged your kids into hell.
I find your story hard to believe.
If by any chance you are in that situation. Why don't you focus on how and what u have to can get out of it instead of all the negative points?
Ichigo_Kurosaki
10-04-2012, 05:28 PM
i can vouch for ts this is her real life story, she just need some encouragement and constructive comment from the bros here.
How you know? :confused::confused::confused::confused:
Mariagracia
10-04-2012, 09:11 PM
dudunumber1....
i understand that my story really sounds untrue, but i dont have any reason to lie about my story,, back in melbourne i was sheltered by Women's domestic violence crisis service,and was told that because my two kids are australian , i have a good chance that i could get PR through my kids, i was getting financial supports and housing from the govt,and they were slowly helping to stand on my own feet.. i know it may sound so silly but i really gave that all up for a promise that he will change and will focus on our family.when i was left in melbourne, he flew first in singapore and was stil with the other woman, he promised me he will let her go because he loves his children. i know i sound the most stupid gal alive that time i was stil emotionally dependent on him,,i dont know if you can still call it love but the way i see it now is totally madness. i grew up in family where i was thought that u should never give up on your family no matter what,i did see some love from him stil thats why i did try and try to make him a better man, when i married him i took the vow that no matter what happen,i have to care for him and the family we have..
maxpee88...
i told the whole story,, everytime i ask him to stop or atleast be considerate,he always tell me that hes been like that even before i met him..
Rickey
12-04-2012, 01:28 AM
while reading all your replies i couldnt stop crying, my tears just keep falling and my eyes are so blur typing this reply.. i really wanted to go and leave this life with him. i know i still have a choice and choose to be happy without him but i just couldnt leave, im afraid i woudnt be able to provide well for my kids,.... trying to accept and forgive the unforgiveable...
i cried and cried everynight and talk to him and askhim to stop but he said he couldnt help it, he needs to have it prosti or not,but it really really hurts me., ..m stil pretty much a good wife to him, iron his clothes, accompany him, prepare breakfast for him, cook for for him, im stil very nice to him,i dont know why im stil doin all this, ..but i know for sure that this is not the kind of love i want from my man, ..but what can i do??
one reason why i wouldnt be able to bring him to court is money, i woundnt be able to afford a lawyer , ever since i was with him he controlled everything, his money is his money,... if i leave and just walk away like that, ill be really literally empty handed,and he also warned me that if i choose to leave i wont get anything from him, ill be alone all by myself with our children, . so he said i just have to accept it that im hopeless and helpless...
. i know it may sound so silly but i really gave that all up for a promise that he will change and will focus on our family.. i know i sound the most stupid gal alive that time .. but the way i see it now is totally madness. i grew up in family where i was taught that u should never give up on your family, ..i did see some love from him stil thats why i did try and try to make him a better man, when i married him i took the vow that no matter what happen,i have to care for him and the family we have..
everytime i ask him to stop or atleast be considerate,he always tell me that hes been like that even before i met him..
Wat a jerk !.. tat so called hubby of yours is, sis Maria :mad: ...playing wif & threatening u, knowing yr emo weaknesses & dependence on him...treating u as his slave & toy & at his whims & fancy ..one who does not hav any decency or basic respect or responsibility for the partner he married..
Tink it is best tat u start life anew wif yr kids getting support frm whomever kind souls or govt or private organisations who can help...If u really need to, u can look for a beta guy to settle down wif as well ...tat way u can still hav a complete family :)...if the other party becomes a rogue & threatens u, u are entitled to free yrself of yr earlier vows...cos situations have changed against u...the vow has become invalid & meaningless to u....
Bro Maxpee88 & dudenumber1 have helped u wif some very good advices to help u see the bigger picture of yr predicament...consider them carefully & then make the final decision for yrself...
Do snap out of yr own weaknesses, be they real or perceived, & be brave enough to move forward & do the right thing for yrself & kids wif help frm yr family & frens...believe u shd not hold yrself ransom to outdated vows & thinking...My empathies are wif u, sis, at tis difficult time...Hope things will turn out beta for u in the future ! :)...Tis just my 3 cents worth of tot for u ...
iloveu4ever
12-04-2012, 02:40 AM
Stop crying and get a grip of yourself. Be strong for your children. You don't live for your husband but live for your children. Two things that you need to do and fast...
1) Get whatever support you can from your family members...whether financial or emotional support.
2) Get a job...to rid of the financial dependance on your husband. But you need to ensure there is someone who is able to care for your children, that is why you need your family members in this scenario.
No words can change anything. You don't need any kind words or sympathy from us, but rather you need to take actions. Remmber, live for your children and be strong for them. If you don't protect and care for them, who will? In this tough times, you are never alone...I believe you are a catholic...so please rely on your faith and pray for strength and support.
Take care.
KevinJacob
12-04-2012, 06:27 AM
Speechless. Beyond my wildest dream that a guy like him would exist.
goodbuddy
12-04-2012, 06:40 AM
Ate maria,
kABAYAN's adviCe, leave him alone your fucking hubby and send your kids to your Mum in Philippines
You Go back to aust. to find job since u r pr and save money--think ur kids as your strenght and inspiration while working there!!
Past is past, try to forget it as fast as u can and start a new life...Be smart to those guys with golden and very rough tongue--hehehehe
We waiting here for your happily and new thread / FR soon!!!!
Frederick
12-04-2012, 07:53 AM
Pain nourishes courage. If its painful enough you would know what to do to end your pain.
maxpee88
12-04-2012, 10:16 AM
I've been chatting with her for some times before she wanted to post her story here and i've seen her pics in fb even that bastard that bastard man of hers. She does have really 3
lovely kids, believe her!!
Bro
Ok ok... I think the bros here are who read her story (and like me) find her situation EXTREMELY INCREDULOUS. And that's why some bros are asking if its real, and I am also probing to seek if there further untold stuff
I wrote those 2 words in CAPITAL LETTERS because like me, the bros are thinking after reading, there MUST BE SOMETHING ELSE right? Because She seems intelligent enough to write, but yet she is stupid at the same time?
Sorry, my aim is not to kick sand to her face. We are all trying to GET HER TO WAKE UP, MOVE ON, and stop whining and delve in self-pity.
She obviously have some semblance of sanity and intelligence to seek shelter and help when she was in Australia, but yet ... need I say more?
To Maria
No need to repeat what I suggested and other bros as well. Get on with your life. You are a mother now. Look after your kids.
Hurricane88
12-04-2012, 10:27 AM
Bro
Ok ok... I think the bros here are who read her story (and like me) find her situation EXTREMELY INCREDULOUS. And that's why some bros are asking if its real, and I am also probing to seek if there further untold stuff
I wrote those 2 words in CAPITAL LETTERS because like me, the bros are thinking after reading, there MUST BE SOMETHING ELSE right? Because She seems intelligent enough to write, but yet she is stupid at the same time?
I wanted to comment...but withdraw...like you I find the story incredulous...a pinay well travelled and educated...shouldn't worry no takers...:)
My comment is forget about it and let her suffer since she sun listen to advice...why bothered with ppl who dun listen and still asked...:)
Mariagracia
12-04-2012, 10:53 AM
Because She seems intelligent enough to write, but yet she is stupid at the same time?
Sorry, my aim is not to kick sand to her face. We are all trying to GET HER TO WAKE UP, MOVE ON, and stop whining and delve in self-pity.
She obviously have some semblance of sanity and intelligence to seek shelter and help when she was in Australia, but yet ... need I say more?
maxpee88...i know and i do understand why everything doesnt make sense,i whine and cry and complain on how miserable my life with him right now but im not doin anything to end it.
last nigth he didnt come home,his mobile fone was out of reach the whole time i tried calling,he came back to me around 9am and he said he went overnight with a prostitute in geylang,he said he couldnt help it and he needs to do it,and told me ive got nothing to worry about because its just a purely transaction no emotional involvement just like the chinese gf he had 3 years ago that he brought to melbourne as well.
one more thing i didnt mention here is that im 8 months pregnant right now.i reaLLY FEEL SO stupid and naive that i keep digging my own grave.i know its silly and madness . i talked to him and i said i wanted out already coz i already been through a lot with him,i already tried everything i can to save whatever we have but i think im so done with it.he said nobody will ever love me and mykids, no man will be so stupid to carry the burden hes carrying..and that i will never ever find someone like him...
and so now im planning a graceful exit to this,
Ichigo_Kurosaki
12-04-2012, 10:54 AM
I've been chatting with her for some times before she wanted to post her story here and i've seen her pics in fb even that bastard that bastard man of hers. She does have really 3 lovely kids, believe her!!
Yea bro i understand your goodwills towards her as we all do also, yes i do agree of what you said but partly it's because she have to take care her three kid on her own and the threatens she face upon her man have made her to hesitate and scared to make any actions towards that douchebag. FYI now she had begun to do something about it and planning to have revenge too but i also had warned her not to go too overboarc.
Please go help her full heartedly since you are the only person closest to her with so much insight details and soul sharing. ;)
Anyway you should advise her to approach AWHRC @ Quezon City for help ;)
I reserve my opinion to myself and remain as a reader ;)
flamboyant
12-04-2012, 11:08 AM
I've been chatting with her for some times before she wanted to post her story here and i've seen her pics in fb even that bastard that bastard man of hers. She does have really 3
lovely kids, believe her!!
But that doesn't mean all of what she had written are true. As the saying goes - Believe not what you hear and only half of what you see.
Ichigo_Kurosaki
12-04-2012, 11:20 AM
If it's within my means, i do hope i can aids her but i can only offer advice and suggestions to her as she lived in jb. I hope you guys can give her advice and support in heee also as some bros may really give useful tips and ideas. :)
As my post above, can call or email AWHRC ;)
They should be able to help her ;)
curiouslala
12-04-2012, 07:41 PM
Hi, sis Maria.
I think all of the guys here already giving you the best solution.
I thought this forum is only for guys who want to satisfy themselves, but its actually more than that.
I know to doing all of the advice isn't as easy as saying it.
But you have to pull yourself together and your courage to get out from this situation.
Like what they said, you have to think about your children's future.
If you're at their position, you must be questioning why dad doing this to mom, why mom is always crying and dad isn't around.
And you also got a daughter. That means you have to be really careful. People said that your kid's future is depends on what kind of family that you're having.
If your husband who act like a jerk and you kept trying and trying and trying to change him back. Later your daughter possibly will get a jerk and keep holding up on him. Or your son be a jerk like his father and doing this to another girl.
I know you wouldn't want this to repeat again after it happen to you. I hope you can pull all of your courage and left your husband.
You're still healthy. You can work, sis. There's still a chance for you to live a good life. Maybe you'll be quite trauma after what you jerk husband done to you, but at least give a good life to your children.
I know saying is easier than doing it. But if you kept saying that you can't leave him and don't do anything to help yourself, I just can wish you all the best sis. Keep on trying changing your husband. Maybe after he get HIV, he'll get back to you and be a good husband. :)
saintdevil
13-04-2012, 08:34 AM
Sis you have my deepest sympathy with what you have gone through.
I have only 1 advise.
Pack up and Leave. There is no one here in the sane mind will ask you to stay true to your marriage and stick with him.
even if you don't care about yourself, care for your children
Your son will eventually notice what kind of a father he is, and he will learn to do the same.
Is your daughter growing up and getting prettier?
if he can allow someone to kick you when you are pregnant what makes you think he wouldn't turn on your daughter to fulfill his sexual desire when he realized she has grown into a woman.
SD
apran
13-04-2012, 11:19 AM
It is very unfortunate that such case of husband cheats and neglects his wife happens quite a lot. The majority of girls who are working in the prostitution and massage parlours have such experience in a certain degree.
I am not encouraging anybody to work like that, however, I urge people who often visit them to be more generous toward the girls.
To maria, all I can say is be brave and tough, because whatever you decide is the best for you as you can not roll back the time. Feeling pityful for yourself doesn't help you at all.
bearking
13-04-2012, 11:21 PM
Leave him for good!! He's a jerk! there are better days and good future ahead!
Take care! we are here to support u!
Mariagracia
14-01-2013, 02:33 PM
i cant believe myself that im stil here hoping that someday something will change or maybe im hoping that opportunity will come knocking on my door soon,
Meow^^
14-01-2013, 04:49 PM
Hi Maria,
Had been reading the whole posting of the incident of yours. From what you had mentioned, he is really not someone who you can depend on, not now and not the future. Like all the Bros here had advice, you have your own choice of what you gonna do.
I belive you are someone who is not stupid. Just that you need to get your ass moving. The later you start, the longer the suffering will be. All the helps that you require are now slowly on it's way. What you are not settled may be the issues of you still want to be with that man. If you keep thinking on this, you will not move on and you could be just repeating asking yourself should you or shouldn't you leaving him once and for all.
Why make yourself so difficult? Have you ever thought of your kids will be getting the impact just because of you not moving. lets move on for a better tommorw and a better future just for the sake of you and your kids.
All the best. :)
hohohohohoho
14-01-2013, 05:40 PM
Hi Maria,
Had been reading the whole posting of the incident of yours. From what you had mentioned, he is really not someone who you can depend on, not now and not the future. Like all the Bros here had advice, you have your own choice of what you gonna do.
I belive you are someone who is not stupid. Just that you need to get your ass moving. The later you start, the longer the suffering will be. All the helps that you require are now slowly on it's way. What you are not settled may be the issues of you still want to be with that man. If you keep thinking on this, you will not move on and you could be just repeating asking yourself should you or shouldn't you leaving him once and for all.
Why make yourself so difficult? Have you ever thought of your kids will be getting the impact just because of you not moving. lets move on for a better tommorw and a better future just for the sake of you and your kids.
All the best. :)
Very good advice. It's time to get your ass moving liao, sis..
Mariagracia
02-02-2013, 03:08 PM
i was thinking of goin to singapore to find a job. it might be a good start,maybe if im having my own way of earning money, i might have the courage to carry out and change the way things were..i just dont know where to go and what to do..
Bangster
04-02-2013, 03:10 AM
First of all,
how big are your breasts?
onlyhuman
04-02-2013, 10:58 AM
Eh Maria, may I ask why are u pouring out ur sorrows in Sbf adult sex discussion? Did you lost your way and ended in Sbf? What's ur point here? Asking for donation to be transferred into a bank acc of urs so that we can help with milk powder? There are many help agencies in down under to help u...it's a free country with gd human rights there instead of Sbf...
Mariagracia
14-02-2013, 02:01 AM
Can't tell anything much from now on...it seems most people here were so much open for judgement ...and I feel like I'm being judge. I'm not here to ask any penny from any of you.. I guess I'm seeking for comfort and part of it I want to understand why such a husband like mine is into sbf as well..it really might be really odd posting my misery but everybody deserve to be voice out,and probably it's a mistake to be here.. I got bored and I just feel I got no other place to go and it feels good to talk about what I have been thru to people who will never get to know you or see you and will never get to look at you so down and I was wrong I got more bad comments than good one.. So I guess it will stop from now... Thanks for all the good words..
S.B.Y.1
14-02-2013, 02:20 AM
It's almost 2 months since you started this thread and
seems things ate not what you I intended it to be - sigh
Mariagracia
02-03-2013, 11:02 PM
I'm so desperate, I'm in need of so much money? Anybody here with a good heart want to help me?? I hope to get reply as soon as possible.. Thanks you
Intltuk
03-03-2013, 12:38 AM
Bingo......................
chnhubby71
03-03-2013, 09:16 AM
delete post
Mariagracia
13-06-2013, 05:21 PM
Anybody want to meet for a decent meal???
Tai_zi21
13-06-2013, 05:28 PM
Anybody want to meet for a decent meal???
How indecent can a meal be? Haha Anyway hope thing are going alright for u Now ya! Time to look forward to a new future or a new relationship maybe?
Mariagracia
13-06-2013, 06:15 PM
How indecent can a meal be? Haha Anyway hope thing are going alright for u Now ya! Time to look forward to a new future or a new relationship maybe?
Haha yeah your right time to look forward to a new future and to a decent meal?? Hahaha
Tai_zi21
13-06-2013, 06:21 PM
Haha yeah your right time to look forward to a new future and to a decent meal?? Hahaha
Sound great isn't it? But think your pm will be full soon! All Waiting to have a decent meal with You! :D
Mariagracia
13-06-2013, 06:25 PM
No ah got no one pm me, everybody might be thinking I'm a bloody looser and desperate for a ' meal' hahaha...this is just so liberating,, don't judge... I'm just happy....
Tai_zi21
13-06-2013, 06:27 PM
No ah got no one pm me, everybody might be thinking I'm a bloody looser and desperate for a ' meal' hahaha...this is just so liberating,, don't judge... I'm just happy....
First thing is to have a positive mindset ok? I have a decent meal with u if u cannot find anyone! Pm me again ya?
Mariagracia
13-06-2013, 06:37 PM
First thing is to have a positive mindset ok? I have a decent meal with u if u cannot find anyone! Pm me again ya?
Hmm sounds good,,,I'm just trying that's all..
screwu
13-06-2013, 07:35 PM
I am free for a decent meal with you. You have my contacts....:cool:;):o
villain
16-06-2013, 01:07 AM
You are just a number in his list.
Leave him. stand on your own. look after your children.
If you stay with him, your daughter might be in his list.
This man deserves to have AIDS.
Mariagracia
16-06-2013, 07:39 PM
You are just a number in his list.
Leave him. stand on your own. look after your children.
If you stay with him, your daughter might be in his list.
This man deserves to have AIDS.
It's done!!!
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