Need Advised from samster

[goodboy5117]

i realized that Distance is matter for relationship, Story start from the last year april, company offer me with high pay for working aboard and i struggling for 4 months accept this offer, with compromise with my wife and she agreed with not willing. i told her we can skype or phone call everyday if she like. During that time, i thought this communication device can maintain our relation as good as usual, but i am wrong, during this past year, our conversation at skype less n less, topic are limited.
Problem start from this year, she join with her old friend start hanging out at pub, at least 2 times a week, sometime with her late return, we quarrel thru phone at mid night, and she kept said she doing nothing wrong and faithful to me, why i don't trust her, we been quarrel so many times with this topic, after urgurment, i try to believed her what she say. Past few day, i accidentally read her fb , some guys write her a message, say that he love her, he think he fall in love with her, can she call her now, because he juz broke out with his gal friend now , very down and sad. at 12am. I immediated call her what about this, she say juz a friend, don't know y he write this to her, she will ask him tomorrow. till next day. she reply me,said that the guys staff using his tab to send out for paly play only, Dont you believed it? of course i don't , i am very down this two days, and try to let her tell me the truth, but he insist said that nothing happened . and blamed me how dare to look at her fb account.without any privacy. no respect her at all. i willing to fly back over immediately to find out, otherwise is too late, but the faster can return is end July. what can i do right now? pls advise

[DO_YOU_BJ]

i realized that Distance is matter for relationship, Story start from the last year april, company offer me with high pay for working aboard and i struggling for 4 months accept this offer, with compromise with my wife and she agreed with not willing. i told her we can skype or phone call everyday if she like. During that time, i thought this communication device can maintain our relation as good as usual, but i am wrong, during this past year, our conversation at skype less n less, topic are limited.
Problem start from this year, she join with her old friend start hanging out at pub, at least 2 times a week, sometime with her late return, we quarrel thru phone at mid night, and she kept said she doing nothing wrong and faithful to me, why i don't trust her, we been quarrel so many times with this topic, after urgurment, i try to believed her what she say. Past few day, i accidentally read her fb , some guys write her a message, say that he love her, he think he fall in love with her, can she call her now, because he juz broke out with his gal friend now , very down and sad. at 12am. I immediated call her what about this, she say juz a friend, don't know y he write this to her, she will ask him tomorrow. till next day. she reply me,said that the guys staff using his tab to send out for paly play only, Dont you believed it? of course i don't , i am very down this two days, and try to let her tell me the truth, but he insist said that nothing happened . and blamed me how dare to look at her fb account.without any privacy. no respect her at all. i willing to fly back over immediately to find out, otherwise is too late, but the faster can return is end July. what can i do right now? pls advise

Ok, not to spill cold water on u, but my stance in life is always to expect the worst, so when i kenna, it's expected.
Anything else is a bonus.
So what if you fly back?
If they r already fooling around ur back, u being back, will it help?
Imagine she's a heroin addict now, her friend being the heroin, u tink u fly back she will stop or she find ways to secretly take her heroin without ur knowledge?
Know ur wife, wat kind of lifestyles u both lead.
She the homely kind of the happening kind?
U 2 go pub drink drink often?
If so, this culture is already part of ur lives n a very dangerous door has been opened which shud hv been closed locked & keys thrown away.
Lastly, it's not easy to go between the legs of a woman, even raping one is not very easy like u see in those AV films.
Legs r hers n if she doesnt wanna open them, no one can go in there but if she willingly wants them opened, nothing will stop anyone from goin there.

[goodboy5117]

Thanks samster, I don't often go out for this type of night life. but she does before we married. at least I need to find out more solid confident to proof while i am home. if she really have an affair with this guy, then the direction is more clear to me how to do on the next step.

[DO_YOU_BJ]

Thanks samster, I don't often go out for this type of night life. but she does before we married. at least I need to find out more solid confident to proof while i am home. if she really have an affair with this guy, then the direction is more clear to me how to do on the next step.
Then you dun need to come back.
Just engage a PI to get u all the evidence u need.
Also better, cos hers n his guard will be down since u r not around for them to feel the need to be too discreet.

[2centsworth]

Which country are you in now and which country is she in? If she say she's faithful, don't accuse her of infidelity. You might just end up pushing her over the edge. It's like 'since I say no and you don't believe, I might as well have an affair to prove a point.' How old are the two of you and do you have any children? Married for how long already? If the pay is so good, why not bring her over to where you are?

[hotstuffm8]

trolololol

[DO_YOU_BJ]

There really isn't a point flying back now. Whether she's having an affair or not, your presence here wouldn't change the fact. I suggest you put the matter out of your mind for now, and concentrate on your work - don't let this jeopardize your job. If she says she's not having an affair, you gotta give her the benefit of doubt - that's what getting married is all about no?

If you can't be at ease, DYBJ's suggestion of hiring a PI has its merits. Don't accuse her of anything until the facts are out. It is rather hurtful if she turns out to be innocent, and can pretty much ruin your marriage. The trust is gone.

Good luck bro.

Exactly my point, dun be biased or suspicious.
Just get the PI to get u the proof u need.
If hv, u already mentioned u know wat u wanna do liao.
If dun hv, only u know her innocence n she never need to know u engaged a PI
But caution, keep bugging her & quarrel wif her, u r actually driving her into someone else's arms for comfort.
U hv been warned.
Carry out this discreetly so in the end, if she's innocent, only u know u hired the PI
OR
In the end if there's evidence, confront her wif the evidence n then tell her u hired a PI, like shoving a hand grenade up her ass!
So from now till the end conclusion good or bad, low profile dude, lay low.
Smiling tiger stance u know;)

[goodboy5117]

Thanks again, She do have her own business to running, i did ask her to come over to vietnam, but refuse to come. Her age is 33+, and myself is 40+, been married 5 years, no kid with both of us, but i do have children with ex wife, (custody for ex-wife). should i believed what she said ??? or wait till end July to find out ? or hire a PI to get the evidence like the other samster advise? Any of advise from samsters i do appreciate.

[goodboy5117]

Thank you very much for the advice.

[DO_YOU_BJ]

Thank you very much for the advice.
Bro, actually ur case very straight fwd.
Look at it from another POV then.
Many of us tao jiak outside, even if our wives confront us, even on our death bed, we will still say NO I NEVER MAKAN OUTSIDE.
Tats y i say u fly back to confront her also no use.
Proof is all & wat u need but pls pls dun give benefit of a doubt, cos if u do, u just planted a time bomb between the 2 of u tat will explode on day when all conditions r ideal!

[hotstuffm8]

trolololol

[Bebeque]

You seem very disturbed by the behaviour of your wife...this is understandable when a couple is separated from each other by over 1000km. Such things do happen to others as well. You are not alone!!

For your peace of mind, as advised by bros, and if you are financially/logistically able to and willing, then hire a PI to track your wife for a period of time. Based on this evidence, then you can decide what to do.

If PI found that your wife is eating on the outside, then you have to decide what to do - confront her, file for divorce, or work through a better relationship with your wife. You will be the best to know what course of action you want to take.

If PI found that your wife is just meeting up friends and not eating out (that is, sorry, at this moment), then you have to find some way to bring both your relationship to a better level, through the separation of distance. Come back more often to Singapore if possible, show her more concern in your daily/weekly/monthly contacts, pamper her with some goodies, or whatever actions that can make your wife happy with you. You should know the best way.

Hopefully, the second scenario reflects your current situation. A word of caution - if she is not eating out at the moment, you are lucky. But if you continue to be agitated by her behaviour or both of you continue to be separated from each other for long periods, your relationhip with each other may deteriorate and may finally push her in seeking solace with some other guy.

At the moment, cool down, don't aggravate the situation by nagging on your wife's actions/behaviour. You cannot control her actions by long distance when you are in Vietnam and she is in Singapore. It will just make your mutual relationship worse. Wait for PI report and then you can decide what to do.

Act cool and be cool. All bros here wish that things will work out well between both of you.

Remember, you are not alone. Just that, like everyone else, we have to work hard in our relationships if we want a peaceful and happy family.

Good luck :D :D.

[hamsapkwai]

Brother your goose is cooked lah.

If I tell you the stories I had with these women whose husbands were outstation it will send chills down your spine.

Once she has a taste of the thrills in a clandestine relationship she will not look back. Your marriage will never be the same again.

How can a humdrum marriage compare against an illicit affair that can send your heart racing?

Just remember this Touch the Devil and you cant let go and she just did.

[OmarAladeen]

Brother your goose is cooked lah.


Agreed for this case

[goodboy5117]

I do appreciately all the bros here provided me the advice. (At the moment, cool down, don't aggravate the situation by nagging on your wife's actions/behaviour. You cannot control her actions by long distance when you are in Vietnam and she is in Singapore. It will just make your mutual relationship worse).Bebeque, i agreed with you, keep control my temper n cool myself down. thank you.

[playboybunny]

Hire a PI.

The results will still be the same.

[M1N1Ster]

Two options

1. Hire a PI and act on the outcome.

2. Ignorant is bliss ... Sometimes beter not to know something

BUT

Since u oredi itchy backside and dig into her facebook..... guess no choice IMHO
go for option 1 !

Keep us posted ok ?

[porscheclub]

Oh sorry to hear about your case. Most bros have said what you could do & I know exactly how you feel being a victim before too.

You should be cooled off by now yeah? Get over it, play cool, hire the PI & do groundwork. If you want to save the few Ks on PI then just confront her while the balance is now whether you still want to save this relationship or not since trust has been broken. You guys have to work it out to glue it back or throw it off.

After that it's chiong time :D

[Ladyrain]

Which country are you in now and which country is she in? If she say she's faithful, don't accuse her of infidelity. You might just end up pushing her over the edge. It's like 'since I say no and you don't believe, I might as well have an affair to prove a point.' How old are the two of you and do you have any children? Married for how long already? If the pay is so good, why not bring her over to where you are?

There really isn't a point flying back now. Whether she's having an affair or not, your presence here wouldn't change the fact. I suggest you put the matter out of your mind for now, and concentrate on your work - don't let this jeopardize your job. If she says she's not having an affair, you gotta give her the benefit of doubt - that's what getting married is all about noaccIdent .don't accuse her of anything until the facts are out. It is rather hurtful if she turns out to be innocent, and can pretty much ruin your marriage. The trust is gone.

Good luck bro.

Hire a Pi. Then decide what you want to do. Rushing back to confront her without any proof will push your wife to the arms of another man more, whether or not she is having an affair. Your behavior will drive her nuts.
Do not let your wife knows you had a PI followed her unless divorce is what you want ultimately.
Hope you are already settling the issues now. Good luck. :)

[DO_YOU_BJ]

Sugar Auntie ur post come in so late n everything u said everybody who posted before u all said before liao, why u copy everything?
No originality