Can a man and woman be in a platonic friendship?

[EatPrayLove]

ok, i know it sounds so ??? with this question coming from me since I have quite a handful of drinking buddies in this forum. but this is a question that I have been pondering on for weeks.

I have always told people that it is possible to be in a platonic friendship with the opposite sex only when there is common interest between both man and woman. For example, I have this very close guy friends for years as we had this strong interest in music as in our taste for music is very much alike. we stop contacting due to work commitment from both parties.

now, I am starting to have second thoughts. I realized that somehow or rather, I have began to develop feelings for this platonic friend. honestly, I didn't notice it till my best friend told me so. Previously when people asked me is there something going on between me and that guy, I dismiss them saying that there's nothing between me and that guy. It's just that we hit off well and we had a lot in common that is why we are close and it's just purely friendship and nothing else.

I didn't really take note of what my best friend said, it wasn't till I have my own quiet time did I think back about what she said. she commented that it's pretty obvious there is definitely feelings between the guy and me that is more than just friends. the way that we care and concern for each other is more than what a friend should do. this comment from her set me thinking and it suddenly hit on me that I do have feelings for this guy friend.

but the thing now is, I do not want him to know that I am beginning to have feelings for him and I just want to be friends with him and nothing else. I want him as a friend more than anything else. simply because friendship can last forever. or rather, I do not know what he is thinking and I am afraid to know what he is thinking. I am kinda selfish in a way as I do not want to get hurt and do anything that will spoil this friendship in anyway. i just want things to remain status quo.

what I need is actually advice to continue to remain status quo with this guy friend as he is really an important friend that I do not want to lose or to do anything that will spoil this friendship that we had.


Cheers,
EPL

[flowbow]

I guess all you can do right now is to try to distance yourself from him at the moment and keep yourself occupied, at least until this feeling fades. IMO it seems more like an infatuation more than anything else since you are aware of it and don't want to act upon it. Which is a good thing, because I agree that keeping the friendship is more important. If you were really into him, I guess you'd be asking for opinions on how to get him interested in you or how to find out if he's interested in you... Questions along those lines.

But I'm not you, and I'm speaking from my personal experience, so I hope it helps to tell you that you need to take your mind off him for awhile by not meeting him, not talking to him, not having any form of interaction with him, basically. Sure, I think it's gonna be hard because you'll miss him, and you'll wanna talk to him, and when you get drunk I think you would text/call him (because I know that's what I would do/have done :p) but just try your very best to keep a distance from him. At least until you've found a "replacement", a "rebound", or your attention has been diverted and you no longer feel the same way towards him. :)

[bail1234]

Hmmm You ok ma ?? PM ME !!!!!:eek:

[EatPrayLove]

Hmmm You ok ma ?? PM ME !!!!!:eek:

I am perfectly fine.

Just that I don't understand why after so long then did I realized it?
Me and him been friends for years but why did I just realize this?!
Honestly, he is totally not my kind of guy leh. Too guai for my liking.
I think it's the care and concern he showed towards me that makes me feel touched. Anyway, I just needed somewhere to throw/dump my negative vibes without him knowing it. We had too much common friends, it's not possible for me to find comfort with my besties too as we move in the same circle... Sigh... :(

[TonyDon]

He tio friendzone by you sibo?
Or really platonic friend?

[sadbaby]

i think there is never an entirely platonic r/s between males and females. To a certain extent, there is always that bit of attraction, even as little as 5% also have.

But its "platonic" in the sense that that attraction can never be enough to make one do something about it and act on it, so the r/s stays platonic that way. Like I do "like" this guy as a friend, his certain qualities attract me, but not enough to make me ditch my bf for him or even if I am single, I like those qualities but I know he too young for me, his thinking too open for me, his lifestyle too uncompatible with mine.

if the attraction is high enough its not platonic liao becomes more of a liking or crush.

my opinion.

[hamsapkwai]

Girls i want to bonk but not interested in being bonked by me becomes my platonic friends.

Girls that want me to bonk them but alas they are not my type also becomes my platonic friends .

All others that dont fall into the above categories become my non platonic friends.

Dont think i can put it in a simpler way :p

[kenl8888]

In chinese ren fei zhao mu.. as long as you keep seeing one another on a regular basis.. it's very easy to develop feelings for each other especially.. when the lady feels that the guy shows a lot of care and concern for her..

That's why so many men are KC by WLs and MLs that they see regularly.. it's some sort of addiction as dopamine is produced when we feel good in each other's company and gives us a high which we will crave..

To stop the feelings; you need to taper off the feelings by cutting down the no of occasions you meet over time just like what they do to drug addicts..

same as the abuse of sleeping pills for insomnia..

[MonteCristo]

Let nature take its course. You may be thinking too much.

[Ladyrain]

Yes. Certainly. As longboth parties have good control over themselves. . Just like an older brother caring for a younger sister type feelings.:)

[RolandQ]

ok, i know it sounds so ??? with this question coming from me since I have quite a handful of drinking buddies in this forum. but this is a question that I have been pondering on for weeks.

I have always told people that it is possible to be in a platonic friendship with the opposite sex only when there is common interest between both man and woman. For example, I have this very close guy friends for years as we had this strong interest in music as in our taste for music is very much alike. we stop contacting due to work commitment from both parties.

now, I am starting to have second thoughts. I realized that somehow or rather, I have began to develop feelings for this platonic friend. honestly, I didn't notice it till my best friend told me so. Previously when people asked me is there something going on between me and that guy, I dismiss them saying that there's nothing between me and that guy. It's just that we hit off well and we had a lot in common that is why we are close and it's just purely friendship and nothing else.

I didn't really take note of what my best friend said, it wasn't till I have my own quiet time did I think back about what she said. she commented that it's pretty obvious there is definitely feelings between the guy and me that is more than just friends. the way that we care and concern for each other is more than what a friend should do. this comment from her set me thinking and it suddenly hit on me that I do have feelings for this guy friend.

but the thing now is, I do not want him to know that I am beginning to have feelings for him and I just want to be friends with him and nothing else. I want him as a friend more than anything else. simply because friendship can last forever. or rather, I do not know what he is thinking and I am afraid to know what he is thinking. I am kinda selfish in a way as I do not want to get hurt and do anything that will spoil this friendship in anyway. i just want things to remain status quo.

what I need is actually advice to continue to remain status quo with this guy friend as he is really an important friend that I do not want to lose or to do anything that will spoil this friendship that we had.


Cheers,
EPL

very simple, just stop thinking of him so your feelings will start to diminish and u will not hurt him and yourself in future. the longer u refuse, the more harder for u to forget him.

to answer your question for the above subject, also very simple. you know the answer yourself actually.

just ask yourself. have u ever met someone from sammyboyforum who never ask sex from you and just enjoy companionship with you and him outside together, be it over a meal or over a drink, then it is definitely possible.

(unless you look fugly and men here are nice not to reject you frankly.) :D

why? theory is simple. theoretical wise most men here are definitely looking for sex otherwise they would go other forums of other interests. if there are such men here that enjoy chatting with another woman, then you can be sure of platonic friendship possibility.

[SammyNewbie]

How did I not notice this thread was here for three days already?

可是为什么不要给他机会？为什么不给自己个机会？

I mean if a gal does not like a guy and the answer is no. That one I understand lah. But a gal like the guy,then why is the answer is also no???

I know there's plenty to lose from this. A good friend to talk to with lots in common with you etc, but have you thought about the best that it could possibly be if it worked? It could be your soulmate you spend the rest of your life with.

Are you dealing with something terrible in your life now that makes it a bad time for a relationship? Do you have a recent death in the family? Are you out of a job? Do you have 5 younger brothers to take care of that can't fend for themselves? :p

I've been trying to find one person like this my whole life for the past 26 years. No such luck and even if I find just chio bu also tio reject >.<" But now you tell me that you found a good fit and you're gonna choose to pass it up.

I just want you to reconsider. You do feel something for him don't you? In life, there's nothing that is without risk. While we shouldn't just recklessly do things, but there are things worth taking the risk for, and I feel this is worth it.

There are alot of ways to go slowly from friend to boyfriend slowly. This one I leave to all your relationship expert girlfriends to tell you what to do. =)

[sane]

now, I am starting to have second thoughts. I realized that somehow or rather, I have began to develop feelings for this platonic friend. honestly, I didn't notice it till my best friend told me so. Previously when people asked me is there something going on between me and that guy, I dismiss them saying that there's nothing between me and that guy. It's just that we hit off well and we had a lot in common that is why we are close and it's just purely friendship and nothing else.

I didn't really take note of what my best friend said, it wasn't till I have my own quiet time did I think back about what she said. she commented that it's pretty obvious there is definitely feelings between the guy and me that is more than just friends. the way that we care and concern for each other is more than what a friend should do. this comment from her set me thinking and it suddenly hit on me that I do have feelings for this guy friend.

but the thing now is, I do not want him to know that I am beginning to have feelings for him and I just want to be friends with him and nothing else. I want him as a friend more than anything else. simply because friendship can last forever. or rather, I do not know what he is thinking and I am afraid to know what he is thinking. I am kinda selfish in a way as I do not want to get hurt and do anything that will spoil this friendship in anyway. i just want things to remain status quo.

what I need is actually advice to continue to remain status quo with this guy friend as he is really an important friend that I do not want to lose or to do anything that will spoil this friendship that we had.

Cheers,
EPL

I believe in platonic friendship as I have a handful of pure platonic frds, tat kinda absolutely no sparks, 0 sexual attraction.

But hor I will suggest u to go for it if he's single with awesome personality.

The one that u are looking for could be there waiting for u for a long time n being platonic friends for so long let u see what type of person he really is.

Don't think so much. Let nature take its natural course. Things will just happen if both of u are meant to be.

[assj]

Harry Burns: What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form - is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.

From When Harry Met Sally

[acidicavex]

Wah didn't know u will post such question :p

I believ such friendship exist and can be maintain of both have the same intention and is clear minded. But that chain will be broken once either party got a partner and if the partner is those narrow minded couldn't accept person and for the sake of the other party relationship most of the time the chain will be disappear that bind a guy n gal together w/o sexual intimacy.

Example I use to have junior in my school close as hell. She will hug my arms like a couple when outing. From the surface to others we look like a couple but we ourselves know very well we are like BFF.

Well like I said the chain is broken when one party either the guy or the gal got a narrow minded partner. And unfortunately I was the one she eventually drifted away from me. Stop asking me out stop calling and than one say when I woke up it is like she disappear. I did try and make effort to call she always semi excited to hear from me. But she will not call me like before for fear of my relationship.
So I guess I can been there and done that sis and I still believe such clean relationship exist.

Good luck sis

[HCKing]

guys will cheong after the girls they like, if they only treating u as platonic friends then better dun enter into a r/s with them as most prob they wont treasure or love u much one lah.

[EatPrayLove]

guys will cheong after the girls they like, if they only treating u as platonic friends then better dun enter into a r/s with them as most prob they wont treasure or love u much one lah.

there are too many factors that we are still platonic....

1) we know deep down that we aren't each other type. be it physical or character wise. he is just way too guai for me....

2) he has this on-off gf for a few yrs. though it's currently off if i am correct since last yr jan or feb till now. and mine case, I was badly wounded and not in the right state emotionally to get attached.

3) no one wants to break the friendship. friends can last forever, but not lovers. once we are together, it will complicate things even further as we move in the same circle and right now, there is too many problems at hand with one of the friend in the circle.

anyway, though i really hate doing this, but i have been avoiding him since after Christmas till now. the only time we did chat was when we have things to discuss about the friend. just some simple exchanging of update on the friend and exchanging of advice for that friend. think this is the best thing to do before i can really sort out what I want, my thoughts and my feelings.

[acidicavex]

there are too many factors that we are still platonic....

1) we know deep down that we aren't each other type. be it physical or character wise. he is just way too guai for me....

2) he has this on-off gf for a few yrs. though it's currently off if i am correct since last yr jan or feb till now. and mine case, I was badly wounded and not in the right state emotionally to get attached.

3) no one wants to break the friendship. friends can last forever, but not lovers. once we are together, it will complicate things even further as we move in the same circle and right now, there is too many problems at hand with one of the friend in the circle.

anyway, though i really hate doing this, but i have been avoiding him since after Christmas till now. the only time we did chat was when we have things to discuss about the friend. just some simple exchanging of update on the friend and exchanging of advice for that friend. think this is the best thing to do before i can really sort out what I want, my thoughts and my feelings.

If he is not attach i think you are doing the wrong thing by avoiding him.

[SushiJiro]

3) no one wants to break the friendship. friends can last forever, but not lovers. .

I agree with this.

It is a trade-off if you would to pursue this further- you might gain the Mr. Right of your life or end up losing a good friendship if things don't work out.

But listen to your heart - if something tells you this person is right for you, i suggest you give it a shot.

[Androgynous]

anyway, though i really hate doing this, but i have been avoiding him since after Christmas till now. the only time we did chat was when we have things to discuss about the friend. just some simple exchanging of update on the friend and exchanging of advice for that friend. think this is the best thing to do before i can really sort out what I want, my thoughts and my feelings.

agree with your decision. stay strong in the meantime

[Odin00]

People think too much. Platonic r/s is mutual. If one person ask is it possible, its no more platonic.

[centvin]

i tot i have such relationship b4 but we ended up having xxx

[EatPrayLove]

If he is not attach i think you are doing the wrong thing by avoiding him.

acid kor, I am too damage to get into a r/s with him. like i said, he is totally not my type. too guai for my liking. i don't want to get into a r/s that is going nowhere. if you get what I mean? i like him as a friend too. and I really cherish him more as a friend.

I agree with this.

It is a trade-off if you would to pursue this further- you might gain the Mr. Right of your life or end up losing a good friendship if things don't work out.

But listen to your heart - if something tells you this person is right for you, i suggest you give it a shot.

lol
the problem is, i can't stop thinking about him and I know that he ain't Mr Right. our character are just worlds apart. I look for similarity in a r/s, not differences. :)

agree with your decision. stay strong in the meantime

thank you.

People think too much. Platonic r/s is mutual. If one person ask is it possible, its no more platonic.

the thing here is, no one is asking anything.
we knew things are different but just trying to avoid it at all cost to jeopardize the friendship.

i tot i have such relationship b4 but we ended up having xxx

ok.... that's like so weird and out of nowhere. but honestly, I cannot imagine myself having sex with him. it's just so damn weird lor. your post makes me realize that I have no sexual desire for him. which is a good thing I guess. makes it more easier for me to stop thinking of him. :)

[CookiesLover]

Now loving someone not supposed to be?

[ahpui99]

Possible to be platonic. But be clear on what you want. If he reject, then wish him well and then move on.

I did date one of my good friends before but it did not end up well. My other friends did marry their best friend though.

See luck and see fate....

[BiRd13]

I think that's possible.
At least for me, I have this platonic friend (gal) who we knew each other for about 15yrs or so. We share with each other happiness, sadness etc... We do have intimacy before, but not into sex. Most is heavy petting... We both now married, and we still go out together, and even travel together...
So I believe there is, if one can really control his/her feeling