Your thoughts?

[Stud00]

Dear Bros/Sis,

I recently met (a lady) who is happily married with kids, a good husband. But the thing is, she shared with me her past, and she is feeling a lot of stress and pain from her past. She was once a Freelance, and she did it then because of financial burden. Since she became attached/married, she has since stopped it.

What happened is, she bumped into her ex client while working, and in her line of work, it is extremely easy to get her contact nos, her nightmare started when her ex client got her nos, and started messaging her things.. being emo... and always wanted to meet her.. and just recently, asked her to go on a trip with him..

she is afraid, and her husband doesnt know the truth.. the worst part is, this fellow is stalking her.. texting her about the clothes she wear..etc.. basically being a big time asshole..

Personally i feel that, EVERYONE has a past.. noone is perfect.. so what if shes a Freelance.. it's in the PAST.. this asshole is basically reminding her of the past.. and attempting to bonk her?

What advice would you have for this lady?

For me: i have told her to be firm yet nice to this asshole, and tell him that she has long quit the scene, and to inform him to stop calling/messaging her.. if all else fails, lodge a police report..


I just want to know what you guys think..


Disclaimer, i did not ever patronize her..

[Wintermelontea]

Ignore? Sometimes it is better this way? And keep all messages just in case those come in handy to the police.

There will always be arseholes...so live with it as it did happen before. Just like we all have our exs...can be friends or total strangers...know what I mean?

For withholding the truth, she has to face the music. I hope she has good and close gal friends to listen and standby that shoulder. This sort of things not too good for a male friend, IMHO. Can get messy. Unless both do not mind.

[wally888]

For the sake of family, change job, change HP no......

[Bigbluebird]

For me: i have told her to be firm yet nice to this asshole, and tell him that she has long quit the scene, and to inform him to stop calling/messaging her.. if all else fails, lodge a police report..



Same as how I would advice her. Some irritating people need to be taught some respect :rolleyes:

[Stud00]

Same as how I would advice her. Some irritating people need to be taught some respect :rolleyes:

Agreed, there are ways to deal with people like these..

[justl00king]

What she did was in the past and is now happily married with kids. This fact should be made known to that fellow telling him to buzz off.

If he continues stalking her with calls or sms, keep all call logs or sms as evidence. When required, to lodge a PR for sexual harrassment.

[Putin]

What she did was in the past and is now
happily married with kids. This fact should be made known to that fellow
telling him to buzz off.

Agree with you totally :)

[illimitable]

Some guys are assholes. They will continue disturbing even though they know the woman is happily married. Best thing to do is to change job and contact number.

[Thanks]

In my opinion ... This girl might be feeling stressful because she doesn't want anyone to know her past ...especially if she appears to be prim and proper , how can the frens and family accept this ..

Or maybe it's just the girl who is not ready to let people find out her ugly past .....

But true .. The only way is really to tell her family about this .. Then make a police report ..

There is no way she can avoid this

[Camel]

Some guys are assholes

Yeah correct :cool:

[Meow^^]

Apart from making Police report, why don't she take this oppotunity to come clean with her hubby? I think, her hubby should support her...love her what she is and forget about the past while also teach that man a lesson. Btw, I guess men are more forgiving then ladies :D

Like Chinese saying "Paper won't be able to cover a fire". So what she can pull this off this time. What happen if another case come up again?

Been together is about compromising on each other's past...not just about building the future...:p

[(o)(o) Tuner]

For the sake of her family and her happiness, I would suggest she quit her current job and abandone the phone no. she's having now. That would totally cut that guy off. :)

[cncs]

Actually changing job n phone number will be better. Come clean with her hubby might not work.

Guys if your GF/Wife were to tell you she was a FL before how will you react??
Come on don't tell me if you really love her you will forgive n forget. It will always leave an image in your mind that she was a FL and she had many many guys before you.

[Loner08]

Bro.. tell your lady friend to face that guy bravely. If that guy dun hv any proof.. he can say all he wants as long as your friend deny firmly. Even if he has any proof just claim that he is her ex-bf who is a bastard. Lodge a police report for harassment if needed like what other bros mentioned.

The more she is afraid the more mistakes she will make. Tell her even if she might lose everything.. she must never let an ass-hole control her life.. bcos she can get into deeper shit more than she will expect. This is no joke.. i'm serious!!
.

[DemonicSS]

Apparently it seems that because she didn't speak out about it, her marriage is making a hostage out of her now.

Personal opinion is that she has to first inform the guy to stop such messages, and its only when the guy continues to harass that she should lodge a report. They are pretty effective.

But I don't really get what the rest of the bros here are saying - relating a police report and telling her family members about her past. Can't the person just head down to the police and file an order of harassment without letting the family members know? I do not see why they should be informed about it. (I've never had such a report before, so I am being ignorant here)

You can tell your friend to be coy about it and deny it if things go south. and NEXT time, if she would be so "sway" to meet another of her x clients, Don't be silly to pick him up. Drop him man, or refer him to your colleague instead. 2nd thing to do is to have a Business mobile line. at least it gives you more room to maneuver. When she vetts the customers, she can THEN provide them with her personal mobile. the 2nd line is merely a screen.

I wish your friend all the best and hopes she gets out of this conundrum

[GoeGoeGoe]

http://www.aware.org.sg/ati/wsh-site/7-legal-rights/

keep all records and just threaten to report him. :)

all else fails just report him -.-

SG is a really small country and technically you cant disappear forever.

Addressing the problem is better then avoiding it

[ilikeoldchangke]

Dear Bros/Sis,

I recently met (a lady) who is happily married with kids, a good husband. But the thing is, she shared with me her past, and she is feeling a lot of stress and pain from her past. She was once a Freelance, and she did it then because of financial burden. Since she became attached/married, she has since stopped it.

What happened is, she bumped into her ex client while working, and in her line of work, it is extremely easy to get her contact nos, her nightmare started when her ex client got her nos, and started messaging her things.. being emo... and always wanted to meet her.. and just recently, asked her to go on a trip with him..

she is afraid, and her husband doesnt know the truth.. the worst part is, this fellow is stalking her.. texting her about the clothes she wear..etc.. basically being a big time asshole..

Personally i feel that, EVERYONE has a past.. noone is perfect.. so what if shes a Freelance.. it's in the PAST.. this asshole is basically reminding her of the past.. and attempting to bonk her?

What advice would you have for this lady?

For me: i have told her to be firm yet nice to this asshole, and tell him that she has long quit the scene, and to inform him to stop calling/messaging her.. if all else fails, lodge a police report..


I just want to know what you guys think..


Disclaimer, i did not ever patronize her..



I think maintain a firm reply and ignore his advances,bar his number, if all else fail can always make a report.


Or she can text the stalker / past client this sms ;


" I was 2 weeks from my 18th birthday the last time we met in the hotel " :D

[Stud00]

Dear all,

Thank you for your replies..

I have complied and share with her..

1) I don't think that she should run, reason is simple, there is no need to live in fear, bastards like this feed on fear, she can run, change job, hide etc, but what if he comes and finds her?

2) I have also advised her to share with her husband.. let's just say that we all have a past, noone is perfect.. everyone has dirt if one is willing to dig..so yeah, let's cut the self righteous bull yeah.. if she share with her husband and her dumbass husband cant understand the word P.A.ST... then there is really no point to be with such a person right? She's better off without him i guess.. but somehow i believe that most guys.. most normal guys once knowing the truth if the wife shares with u, for me, personally, i will give her a hug and than.. someone is gonna get hurt very badly..

3) I have also told her to tell this guy firmly not to harass her anymore.. if she does, i have arranged it for her to lodge a report.. and part two.. i would arrange for this bastard to be "fixed".. (any bros keen to join? :D mask provided).. << just kidding on this..

And to the mother fucker who zapped me.. and say "bullshit".. i would show u the real meaning of bullshit if you dare leave your nick, if not just buzz off and hide behind your screen... and if your wife, gf, daughter, sister has such a experience.. i hope u would know the real meaning of bullshit.. ASSHOLE!

[Stud00]

http://www.aware.org.sg/ati/wsh-site/7-legal-rights/

keep all records and just threaten to report him. :)

all else fails just report him -.-

SG is a really small country and technically you cant disappear forever.

Addressing the problem is better then avoiding it

AGreed wholeheartedly..

[Jtjan]

After reading all the bros advice, let me share my thots.

Honesty is over-rated.
Will the husband really wanna know the truth?
If u decided to lie in the beginning then lie till u die.
If he cannot accept the truth, is the gal really better off without him?
What abt the kids? We can all be high and mighty and say ya it is the past but when it happens to us personally, we will still feel the shadow of the past upon us. The rship will definitely change for the worse before it can become better.

So what shd she do?
Prepare the husband...
Meaning she tell the husband there is this guy from her past that harrass her. He used to stalk her etc and say he had spread terrible rumors of her in the past, telling her frens she is FL, that she sleep around for free, have orgies etc...

In other words, put the idea in his head that some guy may one day appear and sprout nonsense! And he shd protect her when that guy appear.

After laying the foundation for her husband, then go confront the guy and tell him to stop or else she will report police.
And really report police if he persists.
But since the husband already expect some lunatic to harass his wife, he will not suspect his wife but instead will be defending his wife.

Worse case scenario, the guy not scared of police and confront the husband but instead the husband will believe his wife and beat the asshole up.

The key is to lay the foundation. Think of a good excuse how she know this guy, why he stalk her and why he spread rumors abt her.

I think the above advice is more practical!


My 2 cents' worth!

Cheers.

[Stud00]

After reading all the bros advice, let me share my thots.

Honesty is over-rated.
Will the husband really wanna know the truth?
If u decided to lie in the beginning then lie till u die.
If he cannot accept the truth, is the gal really better off without him?
What abt the kids? We can all be high and mighty and say ya it is the past but when it happens to us personally, we will still feel the shadow of the past upon us. The rship will definitely change for the worse before it can become better.

So what shd she do?
Prepare the husband...
Meaning she tell the husband there is this guy from her past that harrass her. He used to stalk her etc and say he had spread terrible rumors of her in the past, telling her frens she is FL, that she sleep around for free, have orgies etc...

In other words, put the idea in his head that some guy may one day appear and sprout nonsense! And he shd protect her when that guy appear.

After laying the foundation for her husband, then go confront the guy and tell him to stop or else she will report police.
And really report police if he persists.
But since the husband already expect some lunatic to harass his wife, he will not suspect his wife but instead will be defending his wife.

Worse case scenario, the guy not scared of police and confront the husband but instead the husband will believe his wife and beat the asshole up.

The key is to lay the foundation. Think of a good excuse how she know this guy, why he stalk her and why he spread rumors abt her.

I think the above advice is more practical!


My 2 cents' worth!

Cheers.


Hi Bro,

Thanks for your input.
this idea did cross my mind too..

Basically, i feel that my friend, she is torn up inside becos she doesn't wish to lie to her husband..
Sometimes its good to be honest, afterall the truth sets you free.

I personally feel that if she told her husband the truth, honestly, what happened was the past, and its so long ago, i guess the first normal reaction for the husband to feel is anger.. not towards her but towards this sicko..

[Big_sam]

Dear all,

Thank you for your replies..

I have complied and share with her..

1) I don't think that she should run, reason is simple, there is no need to live in fear, bastards like this feed on fear, she can run, change job, hide etc, but what if he comes and finds her?

2) I have also advised her to share with her husband.. let's just say that we all have a past, noone is perfect.. everyone has dirt if one is willing to dig..so yeah, let's cut the self righteous bull yeah.. if she share with her husband and her dumbass husband cant understand the word P.A.ST... then there is really no point to be with such a person right? She's better off without him i guess.. but somehow i believe that most guys.. most normal guys once knowing the truth if the wife shares with u, for me, personally, i will give her a hug and than.. someone is gonna get hurt very badly..

3) I have also told her to tell this guy firmly not to harass her anymore.. if she does, i have arranged it for her to lodge a report.. and part two.. i would arrange for this bastard to be "fixed".. (any bros keen to join? :D mask provided).. << just kidding on this..



All I can say is dun be too honest because being honest would be gambling her family in this case. Even if she won the bet who knows what would come back to haunt her next time(Husband mindset).

Just wondering why would she be hesitant to report to police? Reporting to police will expose everything meh? anyone could enlighten me on this part?

Lastly no offence just my thinking after reading, why are you stepping in to solve her very personal problem? Hopefully you are not making her situation even more complicated. If she is gonna be frank with her husband, then it should be her husband to confront that guy instead of you leh.

[fulham]

i believe the wife should not be honest to her husband, how would he feel if his wife was a former fl and fucked by many guys, don't think many guys can accept that...

why not just change job, and move on.

[late bloomer]

Or she can text the stalker / past client this sms: " I was 2 weeks from my 18th birthday the last time we met in the hotel " :D

This one really made me laugh.

Ok I'm serious now. My one cent worth:

1) If your friend can help it, she should not change job just for the sake of this sick guy. 2 reasons.

Reason 1: This guy is not worth the trouble. Quitting means backing down and admitting defeat. I think she shouldn't do that. Once she show weakness, the guy will only take advantage and find ways to blackmail her. Force her to do one 'last time' with him. And bluff her to do many 'last times'.

If anything, he should be the one changing job for harassing a colleague in a workplace. I think the MOM has laws in place about proper behaviour at work. Even if your boss harasses you, you actually have every right and ability to ask him to fuck spider and get him into deep shit. Only most of us don't do it cos of fear. We don't want to lose our jobs and if the boss is cute, you won't mind getting touched by him anyway ... ok I'm kidding. :rolleyes:

Reason 2: Honestly, how long was she an FL and how many clients did she have? One cannot escape forever. You want her to keep changing job every time she sees someone who has done her before? Sooner or later, the truth will leak out somehow, though I hope not.

2) As far as possible, your friend should use the soft approach. Threatening with police and harassment should only be used as a last resort.

Again 2 reasons.

Reason 1: If he leaks the truth out, he himself is implicated. Everyone will know that her flawed past, but everyone will also know that he himself is involved in her flawed past. His wife will know, his children will know, his parents will know. Your friend may have turned over a new leaf, but who knows if he has? Maybe now still doing FLs, and threatening every FL he sees by saying he will tell the FL's mother the naughty things she did last summer. Want to sabo, hire private investigator dig out all his dirty dark secrets lor. If die, all will die together ma.

:cool:

But this should be used as last resort. I advise against it as revenge only begets revenge.

Appeal to logic when talking to him, use soft approach. If he is really smart enough, he should know better than to drag everyone down.

Reason 2: He's prob jealous of her. Prob loved her too much and ended up hating her. He should realise that sometimes, loving someone is letting him or her go. She should firmly tell him that.

3) If all else fail (including police threat and hiring gangster to fix him) and the sick guy love your friend so much that he intend to sabo both himself and her, your friend should find a way to come clean with her hubby. No need to say directly first. Start with hint prepare him a bit. Maybe sound him out and say: a friend of mine had a colourful past but becos she love her bf very much, don't dare to tell him the complete truth about her past. What do you think about this?

Sorry wrote too much a bit drunk.

My final personal example.

I did a local FL last night. I'm not saying who, but she was very firm with me about rules and regulations. She state: if ever in the future we meet one another at work or social gathering etc, do not admit that we recognise. Shake hands, smile and say nice meeting you for the first time.

This is not just to protect FLs but also ourselves and fellow samsters.

This sick guy seem to have broken the unwritten code.

No worries. 家有家法, 行有行规.
I call my gangster friend now.
He know how to remove fingernail.
Just PM me his name & address. Just kidding. :D

[sane]

Lodge a police report, sue him for sexual harassment. Best if he is married with kids too .. let his wife know what type of man he is n if matter blow big, he might lose his job too.

What a desperado ..

[sane]

Actually this remind me of this gal who grew up with me around my neighborhood. Gossips spread through the grapevines of her working as a FL, how she got herself impregnated by this guy and him and his family refused to acknowledge the child because of her past.

Nowadays, can see her mum bringing up the little gal who's a carbon copy of her while I see her occasionally smoking around the void desk, sitting at the bus stop looking worn out and haggard.

For those who's tempted to sell your body for meagre $$, how many times u have heard of "the world is sooooo small" and even when I travelled aboard, I bump into people I know and have lost count of the no. of times of people asking whether I know XXX.

The past always has a way to get back at u. If you land yourself in a good job in the future, think about the senior management n the potential clients that u will be meeting, that promising young chap that u will probably know.

Whatever u intend to do, think about your parents, look far ahead, the future kids that u will be having.

[Stud00]

i believe the wife should not be honest to her husband, how would he feel if his wife was a former fl and fucked by many guys, don't think many guys can accept that...

why not just change job, and move on.

Wouldn't that be escaping, n living in fear, and giving in to the bully?
sometimes we just hv to confront n face it...running wont solve anything..

bullies like that feed on fear..

how many jobs does one hv to change to avoid?

[Stud00]

My final personal example.

I did a local FL last night. I'm not saying who, but she was very firm with me about rules and regulations. She state: if ever in the future we meet one another at work or social gathering etc, do not admit that we recognise. Shake hands, smile and say nice meeting you for the first time.

This is not just to protect FLs but also ourselves and fellow samsters.

This sick guy seem to have broken the unwritten code.

No worries. 家有家法, 行有行规.
I call my gangster friend now.
He know how to remove fingernail.
Just PM me his name & address. Just kidding. :D[/QUOTE]


agreed on ur code..
bump into a FB that day.. same thing...

[iFuck]

imo, come clean with the husband is a very big gamble.

one method you can give a thought. Will pm you.