insanity
18-12-2005, 05:47 PM
1) ALWAYS KISS HER FIRST
If you head straight for the business district, she'll feel like you're paying by the hour. Kissing is a great way to get her motor running, so make it lengthy and imaginative, that means more than 2 seconds. Start gently, and then graduate into a long, passionate kiss. It wouldn't hurt to nibble (lightly!) and suck on her lips, too. And she'll melt if you hold her face in your hands and play with her hair.
2) BUT DON'T PLAY TONSIL HOCKEY
Try not to pop your tongue out the back of her head. He who goes deepest doesn't win.
3) RUB HER THE RIGHT WAY
Oil is good. And the whole production is well worth the effort. A well greased body looks and feels sexier, and the slick stuff stops your hands from ripping off her skin, just don't maul your lady like you're loosening up Bill Romanowski for the Super Bowl, OK? Be creative and don't just focus on the obvious spots. Sure, breasts and thighs are sensitive, but nothing beats a lengthy butt rub.
4) MAKE SIZE MATTER
Ninety-five percent of men measure the average five to seven inches when erect, but if you fall outside this range, there's plenty you can do to maximize the motion of your ocean.
- If you're under-funded, use a deep penetrating position, like with her on top facing you and leaning backward.
- If you're over-endowed (no smirking, there is such as thing as too big, and it hurts), hold back, stud. Ease into it slowly. She'll let you know when she wants it harder and faster.
5) TRIPLE HER ORGASMS
This might sound complicated, but those who have played the game swear by it. The coital alignment technique (CAT) supposedly triples her chance of orgasm and gives you a better chance of having the simultaneous orgasm you thought only happened in the movies.
Start in the missionary position, but then shift your hips a few inches up her body. This gives you a shallower penetration, and the shaft of your penis pushes up against all of her important parts. Resting your full weight on her, wrap her legs around yours, and synchronize your horizontal dancing so that your pelvic bone rubs against hers. Maintain a steady pace and have two pairs of industrial strength earplugs handy for the "oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, OH MY GOD" finale.
6) LEAVE THE HICKEYS IN HIGH SCHOOL
It's true, we love it when you spend quality time on our necks, but we don't want to wear turtlenecks to work for a week. Though we wouldn't mind a few love bites in places no one but the gals in the locker room could see...
7) UNDRESS HER SLOWLY
Unlike porno actresses, real world women love the agony of anticipation and the torture of teasing. Plus, those nice, lacy bras we wear are not cheap. Rip them and we'll be pissed.
8) NIBBLE HER EARS
A classic that still works. But don't stick your tongue straight in -- this isn't an extra orifice. Stick with kisses, nuzzles and licks all over, and don't blow in it, that's just loud and annoying. You're not inflating an air mattress.
9) SEDUCE HER SPONTANEOUSLY
"We were walking home from the bar, and he just scooped me up in his arms, kissed me and carried me the rest of the way home. It was only about 10 yards, but the gesture was there. We had unbelievable sex the second we shut the door," says Elaine, 20. To women, sex and romance are intrinsically linked; don't think of seduction as hard work but as a great way to improve your chances.
10) MAKE HER LAUGH
At you or with you? It's all the same. Laughter loosens inhibitions during sex. So try tickles, jokes, pillow fights or any fifth-grade tactic (except snapping her bra).
"Mid-act, in a phony Barry White voice, my boyfriend said, `I want to make everything nice for you baby, just like in a Boy z II Men song,' and I just couldn't stop laughing," reveals Erin, 23. "I like nothing better than laughing during sex as long as it's at what he's saying, not what he's doing."
11) LET HER LEAD ROUND TWO
Mr. Woody ready for seconds? Don't plow right in. Take it slow and realize that she may feel tender and need to recover. Instead, enjoy the fact that you just got laid and that, if you warm her up just right, you'll get it again.
12) BE SMOOTH WITH THE LOVE GLOVE
Ahhh, the condom. Get it out, get it on, get going. Don't be awkward about it, or she will be, too. Keeping them nearby is a no-brainer, although having a dispenser by your bed will make her wonder. According to the women we surveyed, she'll help you put them on if you want -- anything to keep the mood going. Hey, she doesn't want to wait for a restart either.
13) LET THE COWGIRL RIDE
We love to climb on top. It's stimulating for us, and you can lie back and enjoy the sex and the view.
But here's what you should know:
She'll get much more stimulation if she leans forward toward you. She'll get much more stimulation if your finger's on the magic button.
She might need to take a break because of leg cramps, so mix it up. If she starts flagging, roll over and take the wheel.
As with any position, her stamina will increase with practice... so practice, practice, practice!
14) STAND AND DELIVER
One problem our survey respondents had with stand-up sex is that there's often a difference between your heights. That doesn't make sex of the vertical variety impossible -- it just means you've got to be smarter. Here's how:
Take the stairs. If she's shorter, stand on flat ground and have her stand on the first step.
Then, lift up one of her legs and turn it sideways for easy access. Pick her up.
Stand face-to-face, and bend your knees slightly so you can penetrate her.
Have her wrap her arms and legs around you, and pick her up. If you get tired, lean her up against a wall to help carry the weight.
Buy her a pair of stilettos. There's no better excuse to ask her to sport a sexy pair of high heels in the bedroom.
15) WINE ME, DINE ME...
But why doesn't she want to 69 me?" Lots of guys complain that they don't get their favorite number often enough. Hello! This is because we don't like being squashed or we may feel too exposed on top. It you go at it sideways on the bed instead, both partners can be in control. Let her set the pace. And pay attention to the speed she's going -- it's a good indicator of how she wants you to do it.
16) BE A G WHIZ The G-spot.
Should you choose to accept this mission, slide one or two fingers into her, curving them upward toward her stomach. You'll find a small, spongy area (about the size of a quarter) a third of the way up the vagina's front wall - this is it. Stroke it, using a gentle, circular motion. What you do with this information is up to you.
17) DO POSTGAME ANALYSIS
Find out how to do it even better next time. But avoid "Was that good?" and even worse "Did you...?" Even though you mean well, she may feel like you're putting her on the spot. She'll probably say yes, whether she did or not... until you really annoy her and then she says no. And that just hurts. Use your noggin and ask open-ended questions, such as "What did you like the most?"
18) GO EASY ON THE BOOBAGE
Don't breast feed, bite, chew (ouch!) or act as if you're tuning a radio. Instead, treat breasts like they're soft serve ice cream cones: Use gentle kisses, caresses, long licks and strokes all over both breasts and take your time. And remember that we're sensitive about our boobs, just as you guys are insecure about your Johnsons, so compliment their beauty, not their size.
19) FINISH THE J0B
If she does muster up the courage to say that you've left her hanging, don't mutter, "Better luck next time" as you drift off to dreamland. The game isn't over just because you made a touchdown.
20) KNOW WHEN TO FOLD 'EM
Only 5 percent of the women say that the longer you last, the better. If you've been banging away for 30 minutes, trying to focus on the Expos shoddy relief pitching, odds are, she's not only tired of planning what color to paint that ceiling, but she's also probably getting a little sore.
Merry X'Mas!!!
If you head straight for the business district, she'll feel like you're paying by the hour. Kissing is a great way to get her motor running, so make it lengthy and imaginative, that means more than 2 seconds. Start gently, and then graduate into a long, passionate kiss. It wouldn't hurt to nibble (lightly!) and suck on her lips, too. And she'll melt if you hold her face in your hands and play with her hair.
2) BUT DON'T PLAY TONSIL HOCKEY
Try not to pop your tongue out the back of her head. He who goes deepest doesn't win.
3) RUB HER THE RIGHT WAY
Oil is good. And the whole production is well worth the effort. A well greased body looks and feels sexier, and the slick stuff stops your hands from ripping off her skin, just don't maul your lady like you're loosening up Bill Romanowski for the Super Bowl, OK? Be creative and don't just focus on the obvious spots. Sure, breasts and thighs are sensitive, but nothing beats a lengthy butt rub.
4) MAKE SIZE MATTER
Ninety-five percent of men measure the average five to seven inches when erect, but if you fall outside this range, there's plenty you can do to maximize the motion of your ocean.
- If you're under-funded, use a deep penetrating position, like with her on top facing you and leaning backward.
- If you're over-endowed (no smirking, there is such as thing as too big, and it hurts), hold back, stud. Ease into it slowly. She'll let you know when she wants it harder and faster.
5) TRIPLE HER ORGASMS
This might sound complicated, but those who have played the game swear by it. The coital alignment technique (CAT) supposedly triples her chance of orgasm and gives you a better chance of having the simultaneous orgasm you thought only happened in the movies.
Start in the missionary position, but then shift your hips a few inches up her body. This gives you a shallower penetration, and the shaft of your penis pushes up against all of her important parts. Resting your full weight on her, wrap her legs around yours, and synchronize your horizontal dancing so that your pelvic bone rubs against hers. Maintain a steady pace and have two pairs of industrial strength earplugs handy for the "oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, OH MY GOD" finale.
6) LEAVE THE HICKEYS IN HIGH SCHOOL
It's true, we love it when you spend quality time on our necks, but we don't want to wear turtlenecks to work for a week. Though we wouldn't mind a few love bites in places no one but the gals in the locker room could see...
7) UNDRESS HER SLOWLY
Unlike porno actresses, real world women love the agony of anticipation and the torture of teasing. Plus, those nice, lacy bras we wear are not cheap. Rip them and we'll be pissed.
8) NIBBLE HER EARS
A classic that still works. But don't stick your tongue straight in -- this isn't an extra orifice. Stick with kisses, nuzzles and licks all over, and don't blow in it, that's just loud and annoying. You're not inflating an air mattress.
9) SEDUCE HER SPONTANEOUSLY
"We were walking home from the bar, and he just scooped me up in his arms, kissed me and carried me the rest of the way home. It was only about 10 yards, but the gesture was there. We had unbelievable sex the second we shut the door," says Elaine, 20. To women, sex and romance are intrinsically linked; don't think of seduction as hard work but as a great way to improve your chances.
10) MAKE HER LAUGH
At you or with you? It's all the same. Laughter loosens inhibitions during sex. So try tickles, jokes, pillow fights or any fifth-grade tactic (except snapping her bra).
"Mid-act, in a phony Barry White voice, my boyfriend said, `I want to make everything nice for you baby, just like in a Boy z II Men song,' and I just couldn't stop laughing," reveals Erin, 23. "I like nothing better than laughing during sex as long as it's at what he's saying, not what he's doing."
11) LET HER LEAD ROUND TWO
Mr. Woody ready for seconds? Don't plow right in. Take it slow and realize that she may feel tender and need to recover. Instead, enjoy the fact that you just got laid and that, if you warm her up just right, you'll get it again.
12) BE SMOOTH WITH THE LOVE GLOVE
Ahhh, the condom. Get it out, get it on, get going. Don't be awkward about it, or she will be, too. Keeping them nearby is a no-brainer, although having a dispenser by your bed will make her wonder. According to the women we surveyed, she'll help you put them on if you want -- anything to keep the mood going. Hey, she doesn't want to wait for a restart either.
13) LET THE COWGIRL RIDE
We love to climb on top. It's stimulating for us, and you can lie back and enjoy the sex and the view.
But here's what you should know:
She'll get much more stimulation if she leans forward toward you. She'll get much more stimulation if your finger's on the magic button.
She might need to take a break because of leg cramps, so mix it up. If she starts flagging, roll over and take the wheel.
As with any position, her stamina will increase with practice... so practice, practice, practice!
14) STAND AND DELIVER
One problem our survey respondents had with stand-up sex is that there's often a difference between your heights. That doesn't make sex of the vertical variety impossible -- it just means you've got to be smarter. Here's how:
Take the stairs. If she's shorter, stand on flat ground and have her stand on the first step.
Then, lift up one of her legs and turn it sideways for easy access. Pick her up.
Stand face-to-face, and bend your knees slightly so you can penetrate her.
Have her wrap her arms and legs around you, and pick her up. If you get tired, lean her up against a wall to help carry the weight.
Buy her a pair of stilettos. There's no better excuse to ask her to sport a sexy pair of high heels in the bedroom.
15) WINE ME, DINE ME...
But why doesn't she want to 69 me?" Lots of guys complain that they don't get their favorite number often enough. Hello! This is because we don't like being squashed or we may feel too exposed on top. It you go at it sideways on the bed instead, both partners can be in control. Let her set the pace. And pay attention to the speed she's going -- it's a good indicator of how she wants you to do it.
16) BE A G WHIZ The G-spot.
Should you choose to accept this mission, slide one or two fingers into her, curving them upward toward her stomach. You'll find a small, spongy area (about the size of a quarter) a third of the way up the vagina's front wall - this is it. Stroke it, using a gentle, circular motion. What you do with this information is up to you.
17) DO POSTGAME ANALYSIS
Find out how to do it even better next time. But avoid "Was that good?" and even worse "Did you...?" Even though you mean well, she may feel like you're putting her on the spot. She'll probably say yes, whether she did or not... until you really annoy her and then she says no. And that just hurts. Use your noggin and ask open-ended questions, such as "What did you like the most?"
18) GO EASY ON THE BOOBAGE
Don't breast feed, bite, chew (ouch!) or act as if you're tuning a radio. Instead, treat breasts like they're soft serve ice cream cones: Use gentle kisses, caresses, long licks and strokes all over both breasts and take your time. And remember that we're sensitive about our boobs, just as you guys are insecure about your Johnsons, so compliment their beauty, not their size.
19) FINISH THE J0B
If she does muster up the courage to say that you've left her hanging, don't mutter, "Better luck next time" as you drift off to dreamland. The game isn't over just because you made a touchdown.
20) KNOW WHEN TO FOLD 'EM
Only 5 percent of the women say that the longer you last, the better. If you've been banging away for 30 minutes, trying to focus on the Expos shoddy relief pitching, odds are, she's not only tired of planning what color to paint that ceiling, but she's also probably getting a little sore.
Merry X'Mas!!!