Divorce

[Count Dragula]

Hi bros and sisters out there,

This is totally not sex related but really confused and losing my mind now.

I am married for 9 years and had a son with my wife. Financial problems had started to arise for the past 1.5 years since I lose my last job. We spent all our savings and currently we have problems settling many bills and loans that we have accumulated over the years. 2 days ago, my wife told me that she cannot take it and wanted to file a divorce if the situation do not improve next year. I was like totally saddened by this news as I was always proud of her for taking care of our son and for her endurance in going through this hard time in my life but situation turns sour recently and i am totally lost now....honestly I admit I am not the best husband but I try to be one but sometime we cannot control many things. The thought of ending my life also struck my mind as i was tying.....just feel very tired and demorlaised.......

[Count Dragula]

Hi Bro,

I sympatize with your situation and I'm a true believer that finance issue is one of the key factor to marriage or relationship break up.

Don't mean to teach you, just a word of advice.

We have not been talking for the past 2 days and just now...I tried to talk to her and ask her why next year? Does that means that money is so imprtant....my opnion of marriage is for both to go through thick or thin in life...irregradless of rich or poor.....and at this down turn in my life...someone I trusted so much said all these hurting things to me....


life sucks

[Count Dragula]

Can anyone tell me how to salvage my marriage????!!!!!

[Count Dragula]

this is how i felt too....knn....see so many movies and stories on tvs....but nvr expect it ot happen to me......

fuck man.....

[tobi69]

The thought of ending my life also struck my mind as i was tying.....just feel very tired and demorlaised.......[/QUOTE]

Hey bro,all problems has it solution..why dont u sit down wif your wife and talk bout it..im against u ending ur life like tat!!suicide is for loser!!i dont think u are 1 bro!!think of ur son pls!!work things out, i believe u will be able to solve it..cheers bro...

[Count Dragula]

Hi Bro,

The best is to bring a 3rd party involve to mediate the situation, both party is not thinking properly right now, best is both of you go and see a counsellor together.

Try to stress to her the important of giving the kid a complete family, if this marriage is broken, end of the day the kid will suffer.

she will not go...cos i know her too well.....my only hopes its probably my in laws.....but what the heck......i was thinking to myself that if she harbours the thought of divorce then what is the point??? I am struggling to believe that it is the financial pressure that cause her to react this way......but just now i talk to her...she told me that she already nvr regards me as her husband already.......knn.....shit man...

[Count Dragula]

I think there is no way out for this marriage already......!!!!!

[ahboonah]

May i ask u something?

During these two years when u lose ur previous job, what have u been doing then?

[hunter1222]

The best is to bring a 3rd party involve to mediate the situation, both party is not thinking properly right now, best is both of you go and see a counsellor together.

I agree with bro jamesboo here. I think both of you should go see a mariage and finacial counsellor.Tell your wife to give you more time. After all next year is just a few days away! For god's sake. Thing needs time to improve.

For money wise, my advice to you is that you cancel any credit cards that the both of you have. And NEVER EVER use one card to pay for the other. It just increases your debits.

Also sell your car if you have one. It's a goddam waste of money. (unless your job requires it)

[hunter1222]

Oh and killing yourself solves nothing. It just transfers your problems to your family and friends and your grantors. Besides I don't think you want your kids to know that their dad killed himself because he does not dare to face his problems right?

[Count Dragula]

thanks for all the advices bro...gonna meet a good friend now for some advice......I will try my best to salvage the marriage cos I dun want a broken family in me.....

[hunter1222]

I think there is no way out for this marriage already......!!!!!

Where there's a will there's a way. Besides we survived Army by taking whatever shit they threw at us and conquering it...why can't you do it now?

[Count Dragula]

May i ask u something?

During these two years when u lose ur previous job, what have u been doing then?

odd jobs...bro....but i stay in a five rooms flat and my bills and housing installments
are like 2-3K a month.......what job can substanciate my burdens

I used to be eraning like 10k a month......even if i sell off my flatand downgrade....not feasible.....

[KingEros]

Can anyone tell me how to salvage my marriage????!!!!!
You sure you wanna salvage this marriage??
'Coz I'm sure you could do better than come here to let off steam??
Comments like "life sucks" & "knn.... shit man...." won't make any difference to your situation, much less the accord of anybody here.

but just now i talk to her.... she told me that she already nvr regards me as her husband already....
my opnion of marriage is for both to go through thick or thin in life.... regardless of rich or poor....
I would do the same, if I were her ... :eek:
What exactly have you done to "demand" your stance as the husband of choice still?? I mean, it took you 1.5 years & you still can't readjust financially enough to take care of your own family??
Everybody's gotta have expectations ... while yours are such that your wife should stay with you through thick & thin, hers are such that her husband is providing the family with mostly thins, without a hint of better days even in the foreseeable future. That's THE difference ... man, get a hold of this truth.

The thought of ending my life also struck my mind.... just feel very tired and demoralised....
If you think you can only take the easy way out, then go ahead & kill yourself ... you'd not be missed - not by anyone here nor by your own son!!!
On the other hand, get a hold of yourself & get yourself back on track financially ... that's your only chance of working anything out with your wife - even if it takes more than a year to achieve that. If by then, she's already with a wealthier man, then you still didn't lose what you never got.
Get the pic now??

[KingEros]

but i stay in a five rooms flat .... my bills & housing installments are like 2-3K a month....
I used to be earning like 10k a month.... even if i sell off my flat & downgrade.... not feasible....
With a brain like yours - plus an insistence to feast on past glories (you earning almost 10-20% of what you used to, remember??) & live like royalties (2 adults & a kid in a 5-room flat ... you better not tell us you have a maid too, ok??), I think you really deserve to die ... :mad:
Do you know there are a majority here who live in a smaller place than yours, in a simpler way than yours?? I'm sure they'd be most glad to help you pull the trigger. :mad:

[tobi69]

With a brain like yours - plus an insistence to feast on past glories (you earning almost 10-20% of what you used to, remember??) & live like royalties (2 adults & a kid in a 5-room flat ... you better not tell us you have a maid too, ok??), I think you really deserve to die ... :mad:
Do you know there are a majority here who live in a smaller place than yours, in a simpler way than yours?? I'm sure they'd be most glad to help you pull the trigger. :mad:

Woooo bro long time no see???hows life?anyway cool it bro..or our brother here might just kill himself...hahaha but all u say make sense lah...hope u listening bro dragula...

[zzz^^]

Hi Count Dragula,

I've read ur posts. And im surprised tat even with ur 9-year old marriage + a son, ur wife has decided 2 seek divorce SIMPLY bcoz of FINANCIAL DIFFICULTY.

Always remember ur marriage vow 2 each other.

If any party can't fulfill the marriage vow, then IMHO, it's better 2 b separated; y lead a meaningless marriage determined by the level of how much money u have?

True love is unconditional... thru thick n thin... thru sickness & good health...

Bear in mind, u still hv ur family members, relatives, friends 2 turn to 4 emotional support.

[zzz^^]

To Count Dragula,

I wish 2 add.

I've seen few examples of ur like, wives wanting 2 divorce husbands due 2 financial difficulties and also few examples of wives sticking 2 husbands all the way even though the husband end up bankrupt.

My opinion is, TRUE LOVE do exist.

Ask urself this, if u strike TOTO 1st prize 2moro, will ur wife consider NOT divorcing u?

And wat if later in ur marriage u *touchwood* kenna serious/ terminal illness & unable 2 work 2 provide, will ur wife still b able 2 stick by ur side 2 care 4 u & continue luv u? Or will she dump u?

[SingViet]

odd jobs...bro....but i stay in a five rooms flat and my bills and housing installments
are like 2-3K a month.......what job can substanciate my burdens

I used to be eraning like 10k a month......even if i sell off my flatand downgrade....not feasible.....


Bro,

Do not think of ending your life, you must think for your boy. Actually many marriages are dependent on financial aspect of the husband. Wives nowadays cannot go thru thick and thin with you anymore. I can also understand what you are going thru now, as i have been the jobless part some years ago. The government keep proclaiming that economy has improved and there are many jobs available, but when u send out all your resumes, u get no reply at all as most jobs have gone to the foreigners due to the many welcoming policies that the government has provided that make employing foreigners more attractive than employing locals.

Bro, did you buy your 5 room flat around 5 years ago? or was it bought more than that? One option is downgrade and get a sum of money to sustain for the time being. the second option is to look for a job with overseas posting. Overseas posting job will get u higher pay. Third option is to try to be self employed like being a housing agent. Go for the test and get yourself qualified. Housing agents do earn quite a bit nowadays with the increased property transactions.

When there's a problem, there will be solutions. Try to cool down and think carefully. Guess both parties do make irresponsible statements when both are heated up.


Just my 2 cents worth.

[fat29]

Bro,

You may want to re-think your options. Sell your house (ie as long as you need not folk out additional cash), it will ease your monthly housing instalment burden. Can rent a room or stay with your in-laws, at least temporarily for the next 3 to 6 months. You can save on 2-3K per month, and probably only incur a fraction of what you are currently paying.

If you don't mind downgrading and taking up other jobs, though they may not be ideal. There are opportunities to work as bus drivers, taxi drivers (ie if you have licence and health permits) or as insurance agents, tuition teacher, etc., I think for a start, can still make about $1.2 to $1.8K per month.

You did not list your qualification and job experience here, otherwise the rest of the bros could provide you with more ideas.

Nonetheless, it is easy to dispense advice like downgrading of job and house but it is painful to do it oneself. If marriage is important to you and this could help you save your marriage, you may want to review your options.

If there are mutual friends, this person, if matured enough could also offer some views for reconciliation for both of you, though it may not always be the best thing to do.

Hope this helps.


odd jobs...bro....but i stay in a five rooms flat and my bills and housing installments
are like 2-3K a month.......what job can substanciate my burdens

I used to be eraning like 10k a month......even if i sell off my flatand downgrade....not feasible.....

[blackheart]

Hi bros and sisters out there,

This is totally not sex related but really confused and losing my mind now.

I am married for 9 years and had a son with my wife. Financial problems had started to arise for the past 1.5 years since I lose my last job. We spent all our savings and currently we have problems settling many bills and loans that we have accumulated over the years. 2 days ago, my wife told me that she cannot take it and wanted to file a divorce if the situation do not improve next year. I was like totally saddened by this news as I was always proud of her for taking care of our son and for her endurance in going through this hard time in my life but situation turns sour recently and i am totally lost now....honestly I admit I am not the best husband but I try to be one but sometime we cannot control many things. The thought of ending my life also struck my mind as i was tying.....just feel very tired and demorlaised.......
Dear Count Dragula,

I do not know the details of your family problem but from my experiences, I would say that you could be very wrong if you think your financial problem is the only reason for her wanting out. For all you know, financial problem might just be the catalyst and that in actual fact, there could be many other problems. While you have painted a picture of your wife being materialistic and unwilling to go through thick and thin with you, what have you been actually doing over the past 1.5 years to rebuild your career and give her reasons to want to continue going through the hardship with you?

It is always easy to point a finger at others when things go wrong (ongoing NKF saga is a classic example). However, you need to ask yourself whether you had actually fulfilled your duties as a husband and a father? It is always easy to say one has tried their best. What were you working as in the past that allowed you to earn 10K a month and why is it that you can only earn less than 20% of it now? Has your past skills become redundant? How about learning new skills? 1.5 years is more than enough time for one to learn new skills and adapt to the ever-changing economy. Have you done that?

I once had an affair with a married woman with 4 kids. Her husband lost his job when the company closed down. Instead of rebuilding their lives and starting all over her merely went around doing odd jobs and refused to upgrade himself. Yet, he could find time to go drinking with his kakis and going home dead drunk each time, blaming the whole world for his misfortunes, other than himself. Yes, that woman was frustrated with her husband and their financial problems but deep down inside her, it wasn’t the fact that he couldn’t solve their financial problems that drove her to seek solace in the arms of another man. It was his nonchalant attitude that put her off. She was heartbroken to see her kids living in misery. While we were having our affair, she never once asked for expensive gifts for herself. Many a times, she preferred me to bring her out to the supermarket to buy groceries and household items for her children.

I am neither insinuating that your wife is like that or you are behaving like this man. All I am saying is that don’t like at a problem so superficially and overlook the root cause. You claim that your wife is refusing to go through thick and thin with you. She had already done that for 1.5 years. On the other hand, what have you done to give her confidence that she won’t have to continue to go through this with you for another 15 years? If your answer is that as a wife, she would need to do that even if it is for 50 years, then my question is simply, if your wife can’t satisfy you sexually, would you accept that and not seek sexual satisfaction elsewhere?

By the way, if you think death is the only way to solve a problem, then all I can say is that you don’t deserve the love of either your wife or son!

Blackheart

[Count Dragula]

Dear all,

I am very grateful for all who have posted in this thread to show their concern. Some had privately pm me and had given me very valuable feedback and suggestions to overcome this situation of mine.

Situation wasn't very good this morning as well, cos we had a big quarrel again over financial issues. She claim that she can no longer put up staying in this house again. Again I am facing immense pressure from this statement.

Many people had suggested for me to downgrade my flat in which I did but was told that all the cash would be returned to CPF, thus it would not be feasible or advisable to do that as explained by HDB. FYI, I bought my house more than 5 years ago.

Actually for the past 1.5 years, after I had lost my job, I had tried to find jobs but in vain, thus started to run my own business. Being sort of self employed, there are no regular or monthly income for me, hence the piling of bills and taking of various loans to substanciate the cost of living and business.

As a matter of fact, I am a graduate and have about 7 years of overseas working experience but it seems that many companies are probably looking for younger graduate.

[KingEros]

If you don't mind downgrading and taking up other jobs, though they may not be ideal. There are opportunities to work as bus drivers, taxi drivers (ie if you have licence and health permits) or as insurance agents, tuition teacher etc......
You think this ex-royalty will be able to bring himself to do this??
He probably never even heard of "horse died, come down & walk" ... much less understand the hidden truth in this simple idiom. :rolleyes:

Woooo bro long time no see??? hows life??? ........
Bang ... I've been good - still playing with them?? broken your duck already?? :D

[Count Dragula]

By

Blackheart

Dear Bro blackheart,

I am confidence myself that situation will improve because lately there are signs of picking up for my business but that will probably have to wait for another 2 to 3 month before any money can be earned from there as credit terms was given to my customers. However, it seems that my wife is losing confidence in me because she would not listen to the kind of asurance I had for her about money coming in soon and so on.......she is still drowning with the fact that we have so much debts and bills to be settled every month.

[Count Dragula]

You think this ex-royalty will be able to bring himself to do this??
He probably never even heard of "horse died, come down & walk" ... much less understand the hidden truth in this simple idiom. :rolleyes:
[/COLOR][/B] :D

Bro,

You are partially right. Yes, I am not able to bring myself to certain jobs not because that I am a royalty but probably its the lifestyle that I have lead for many years. Blame it on my ego or esteem, but it seems that this ego and esteem had cost me my marriage which I felt is the most important part of my life.

Honestly speaking, I had thought about the various options to work such as taxi driver, bus driver, security officer etc.....but with my current commitment in my private business, I felt that time does not permit me to commit a full time job elsewhere and a part time job would not be able to support my expenses as well. So, made up my mind to concentrate on my own business.

I actually need more time. More time for my business to pick up and so on.....as for my wife, the fact that she wants to leave me during this period of time saddens me.....I am very confidence that my business will make it in a couple of months time but I do not understand why my wife harbours such thoughts in her mind.....so is there no real love???or true love???

I hate it when she told me that " I give you until next year and if the situation doesn't improve, I will want a divorce." ...."if not for bryan (my son's name), i would have divorce you"....and " by the way, I dont treat you as a husband anymore."......all these remarks are her actual words and I really ask myself why do this to me....????

[blackheart]

Dear Bro blackheart,

I am confidence myself that situation will improve because lately there are signs of picking up for my business but that will probably have to wait for another 2 to 3 month before any money can be earned from there as credit terms was given to my customers. However, it seems that my wife is losing confidence in me because she would not listen to the kind of asurance I had for her about money coming in soon and so on.......she is still drowning with the fact that we have so much debts and bills to be settled every month.
Dear Bro Count Dragula,

If you are confident these customers will pay you and you have a proper and legitimate business, you can always apply for factoring with banks to convert your outstanding invoices to cash. You may have to pay interest but I am sure it is worth it. This way, you can also immediately convince your wife that you are no longer just giving empty promises.

From the way you have put it, it would seem that your wife is more frustrated with the empty promises. You can also commit yourself to her that if things don't turn around in 3 months, you will gladly accept her request for a divorce. However, question is, can the business sustain? Don't make anymore empty promises to her.

Blackheart

[The_Unrepentant]

You think this ex-royalty will be able to bring himself to do this??
He probably never even heard of "horse died, come down & walk" ... much less understand the hidden truth in this simple idiom.



马死落地行 this?:confused:

:p

[ricardo]

sell house money go CPF buy a smaller one e.g. 3 room, use back the money in CPF to buy. if CPF powderful can even pay up no need installment otherwise installment will be much lesser than current. go buy far place so it is cheaper. if 3 room cannot afford go find those 2 room one oso can anyway just 3 of u.

bro. mayb your wife just cannot tahan u not trying to adjust and keep spending thus mounting up debt.

to die is not being responsible unless of course your insurance very powderful lah.

[KingEros]

You are partially right. Yes, I am not able to bring myself to certain jobs ... because ... probably its the lifestyle that I have lead for many years. Blame it on my ego or esteem, but it seems that this ego and esteem had cost me my marriage which I felt is the most important part of my life.
Good that you are actually able to concur with your actual problem ... perhaps it's still not the end of the road for you yet.
But, pardon my bluntness ... if your marriage (& your son, I presume) is the #1 priority, then FUCK the ego & esteem.

So, made up my mind to concentrate on my own business. I actually need more time. More time for my business to pick up and so on.....
Life's always a race against time ... point is dun give up.
If you think your current situation (constant stress from your not-so-encouraging wife) is not helping you "concentrate", suggest you move out of your flat & leave your wife on her own ... on the condition that you still take care of the bills while she keep to her part about the ultimatum running out only next year.
Keep doing what you set out to do ... if you really think there's light at the end of this tunnel, just keep digging.
This much I'm sure, you'd find your pot of gold at the end ... whether your wife is still by your side to enjoy the fruits with you or not.

I hate it when she told me that " I give you until next year and if the situation doesn't improve, I will want a divorce." ...."if not for bryan (my son's name), i would have divorce you"....and " by the way, I dont treat you as a husband anymore."......all these remarks are her actual words and I really ask myself why do this to me....????
While I can understand, I do not condone what came out of your wife's mouth ... that you can still love her & want her (note that keeping this marriage for the sake of your son is another thing altogether), you must be a saint in your previous life!!!
If I were you, she's history by now ... but I'll remember every word she said as a spur towards "concentrating on my own business" to prove her wrong.

so is there no real love???or true love???
Well, there isn't ... face it, at least 60% of marriages exist out of convenience & another 30% still lasts becoz of the children. The last 10% ... you want true love - take a look at Romeo & Juliet ... or Jack & Rose ... they dun live happily ever after too, do they?? :rolleyes:

[Cage73]

Count Dragula,

Do you believe in astrology, horoscopes and feng shui?
Do you believe in Divine intervention?

If you do, please pm me. I can give you the contact of a good Feng shui master. He had helped me tide through some hard (but not financially related) times.

Cage

[KingEros]

sell house money go CPF buy a smaller one e.g. 3 room, use back the money in CPF to buy. if CPF powderful can even pay up no need installment otherwise installment will be much lesser than current. go buy far place so it is cheaper. if 3 room cannot afford go find those 2 room one oso can anyway just 3 of u.
BINGO ... he mentioned he was advised by HDB that this is not the wisest move, but my guess is he forgot to mention 2 things:
1) HDB's main concern is that he'd be losing money, compared to his original purchase price
2) he did not tell HDB how dire his situation really was, so the prioritisation was already wrong to begin with.
For one who claims to earn $10k a month previously, I'm sure he'd have enough to pay up for a 3-room flat fully with his CPF after the sale of the 5-room flat ... but then again, being human, he'd have other distractions like:
1) location no good lah
2) low-floor no good lah
My word, but if location good & high-floor too, then the seller would also expect to sell above valuation, which means he'd have no cash to pay for the purchase ... back to square one lor. :rolleyes:
Why else did you think his situation got so dire??

bro. mayb your wife just cannot tahan u not trying to adjust and keep spending thus mounting up debt.
Another BINGO ... great minds think alike.

to die is not being responsible unless of course your insurance very powderful lah.
Talking about insurance, I thought I'd share another pathetic case ...
My staff was at one time very very distracted, hinting of financial problems ... after I interviewed him, then I found out that he was low on cash every month becoz half of his salary went towards insurance premiums ... he didn't surrender any becoz he was convinced by his agent that it was of utmost importance to have these sums for his old age ... my reply to him was simple: DO YOU WANNA GET INTO TROUBLE NOW TO ENSURE THAT YOU DUN GET INTO TROUBLE WHEN YOU ARE OLD & GREY??
That's the main problem with the SIllypore education system ... they only teach about the target destination, but never once do they mention anything about improvisation along the way there ... those who know how to do it get a nice name: ENTREPRENEUR. :eek:

[KingEros]

Do you believe in astrology, horoscopes and feng shui?
Do you believe in Divine intervention?

If you do, please pm me. I can give you the contact of a good Feng shui master. He had helped me tide through some hard (but not financially related) times.

You must be kidding ... are you sponsoring him or is your master doing this for free??

[Castrol]

[

Talking about insurance, I thought I'd share another pathetic case ...
My staff was at one time very very distracted, hinting of financial problems ... after I interviewed him, then I found out that he was low on cash every month becoz half of his salary went towards insurance premiums ...

why dont you give your staff a pay rise? tell him to include your name as beneficiary in one of his insurance policies. :D

[KingEros]

why dont you give your staff a pay rise? tell him to include your name as beneficiary in one of his insurance policies. :D
Might as well buy my own insurance then ... but nah, I dun believe in insurances anyway.

[Count Dragula]

sell house money go CPF buy a smaller one e.g. 3 room, use

to die is not being responsible unless of course your insurance very powderful lah.

Bro, problem is that for the 1.5 years, I have not paid any HDB installments because there are schemes to help us delay payment thus, if I have not mistaken, money owe to HDB > valuation of the house....i may end up topping the balance if I downgrade......

I am pulling myself together now after much advice from bros here.....

[Count Dragula]

Well, there isn't ... face it, at least 60% of marriages exist out of convenience & another 30% still lasts becoz of the children. The last 10% ... you want true love - take a look at Romeo & Juliet ... or Jack & Rose ... they dun live happily ever after too, do they??

really depressing......maybe that's why life sucks!!!!!

[Count Dragula]

Count Dragula,

Do you believe in astrology, horoscopes and feng shui?
Do you believe in Divine intervention?

If you do, please pm me. I can give you the contact of a good Feng shui master. He had helped me tide through some hard (but not financially related) times.

Cage

Bro...thanks for the suggestion but i still believe in finding a solutions to solve the problems......

just to let you know i really appreciate your offer....

[chickenzip]

really depressing......maybe that's why life sucks!!!!!

bro count...life oni sucks when one is in a marriage right?? :p

[ricardo]

I am pulling myself together now after much advice from bros here.....


wow bro here so powderful meh ... few post only u ready to pull youself together. better really do that lah if not all the typing wasted liao.

[fat29]

Bro Count Dragula,

I fully agree with Bro Ricardo's and Bro Blackheart's posting.

Sell the 5 room flat, the money goes to CPF, it is still your money. More importantly, you don't need to service your housing loan anymore. Debts are not pilling. Options include staying with your in laws, rent a place or if you are so confident of the future business prospect, then buy 2 room HDB flat in faraway places like Taman Jurong where the prices are softer. Bros can suggest other places where the resale price of flat is cheaper. If you were to owe HDB money for selling the house and the amount is not large, it may be worthwhile to consider still. Paying off the debt could still be cheaper than trying to maintain the flat and allow the debt to pile up. In any case, you can approach your MP. Election is coming and I am sure they will have schemes to help you, such as debt deferment. Issue is whether you want to allow the debts to pile up or you want to cut the debt now.

The housing loan is a fixed expense, you need to do some re-structuring to your life to jettison these fixed expenses and perharps other fixed expenses that you are currently incurring. Desperate times calls for desperate measures.

Like what Bro Blackheart mentioned, you could factor your invoices to exchange for cash and if the business prospect is really good but the cash is slow, sell part of the business to potential partners.

In many circumstances that I have witnessed, it is usually the person's vision that determines his reality. If you are serious in your vision to uplift yourself financially and is determined to do so, you could succeed. At one stage, I was very poor. I even have to walk a distance from my house to take a bus, in order to save the fare on transfering buses to go to work. During lunch, I ate bread that was brought from home. I took on 2 jobs, one in the day as a junior executive and one in the night as a clerk for a broking firm. Everyday, I worked for 15 to 16 hours; that was many years ago. In the weekend, I worked as a waiter and a kitchen helper to earn the extra buck. In total, I made close to $2,900 a month and that was 10 years ago.

Given that you have a son, the situation is to your advantage. Move your wife by your sincerity and your determination to change things for the better. Otherwise, life moves on and you may lose the only chance to reconcile and redeem the marriage.

No point lamenting and blaming anyone or brooding over I feel like this or I feel like that. I think the Bros her are practical guys that will give you their views to improve your current situation, and not to provide loads of sympathy. Change the circumstances you are in to fix what you feel is not right presently. I hope you are not looking for bros to share about loads of feelings. I saw the past postings of Bro Blackheart and Bro Ricardo, I am sure they are people of high calibre and good wisdom, you may want to consult them via email privately for advice.

sell house money go CPF buy a smaller one e.g. 3 room, use back the money in CPF to buy. if CPF powderful can even pay up no need installment otherwise installment will be much lesser than current. go buy far place so it is cheaper. if 3 room cannot afford go find those 2 room one oso can anyway just 3 of u.

bro. mayb your wife just cannot tahan u not trying to adjust and keep spending thus mounting up debt.

to die is not being responsible unless of course your insurance very powderful lah.

[kimjerster]

Bro, I read your posts and I can relate to your situation.

Sometimes you cannot let yourself believe that the situation is always against you. Once you do that you will think that anything that happens is because you have bad luck or that the world is purposely against you.

You really need to take a look at yourself first. Get yourself in order. Think positive and stop entertaining ideas of ending your life. Always remember that someone else situation is worse than yours, so you are not alone.

Once you can regain your personal and inner strength, then you can start to infulence the situation around you to change positively.

Don't underestimate the power of change. But it begins within your self first!

[Count Dragula]

wow bro here so powderful meh ... few post only u ready to pull youself together. better really do that lah if not all the typing wasted liao.

Bros,

I receive at least 20pms advising me and I felt that this forum really a great forum....cos got reply from people of all walks of life...thank you again.....

by nature i am a very homely man coz i am a cancerian...being homely in nature.....seeing a turn in my family life upsets me more than a business failure....cos i always have a believe that no matter how difficult life is, but if a family stay together...they will overcome it.....but when my wife suddently told me about the divorce thing...my hope and belief came tumbling down....can you feel what i feel

[Count Dragula]

Bro Count Dragula,

my wife is someone who is a typical singaporean whereby "face" is very important...if i really sell the flat.....she will leave me immediately i guess...

[fat29]

Bro, if you still relying on guess work and feeling, then I suppose there will be more constraints. You have to think through, plan well and then discuss with your wife on how to uplift the family out of this financial predicament. You need to show leadership in a crisis like this. This could be the opportunity to bring you and your wife closer.

Everything you want to remain status quo and to depend on feeling, then have to hope for TOTO already loh. Maybe you will be lucky.

Rgds.


my wife is someone who is a typical singaporean whereby "face" is very important...if i really sell the flat.....she will leave me immediately i guess...

[blackheart]

Many people had suggested for me to downgrade my flat in which I did but was told that all the cash would be returned to CPF, thus it would not be feasible or advisable to do that as explained by HDB. FYI, I bought my house more than 5 years ago.
I am sorry bro but I can't understand this. Any profits that you earn after paying back to CPF what you have drawn (plus interest), you pocket them. Unless your current flat was bought from the open market and you are now unable to sell with much profits, CPF does not take away all your cash.

Actually for the past 1.5 years, after I had lost my job, I had tried to find jobs but in vain, thus started to run my own business. Being sort of self employed, there are no regular or monthly income for me, hence the piling of bills and taking of various loans to substanciate the cost of living and business.
That is the greatest pitfall many unemployed who were highly paid previously fall into. Never go into your own biz in today's economy unless you have strong financial backing. You might really want to consider if continuing this is wise for the long term.

[Count Dragula]

Bros out there who are reading this thread....I reckoned that the only way to solve my current situation is probably to look for a decent job at least i could cover a portion of my household expense and at the same time adopting some cost cutting measures....so that I dont look so useless in front of my wifey.....I do not know whether I should say this, but just hope that anyone out there who knows of any job opening can PM.......

[tobi69]

You think this ex-royalty will be able to bring himself to do this??
He probably never even heard of "horse died, come down & walk" ... much less understand the hidden truth in this simple idiom. :rolleyes:


Bang ... I've been good - still playing with them?? broken your duck already?? :D

Bro,me stil playing.are y coming back to join the us?alreadi score 1 ..hahaha

[tobi69]

Bros out there who are reading this thread....I reckoned that the only way to solve my current situation is probably to look for a decent job at least i could cover a portion of my household expense and at the same time adopting some cost cutting measures....so that I dont look so useless in front of my wifey.....I do not know whether I should say this, but just hope that anyone out there who knows of any job opening can PM.......

Yes bro look for a job!!and stop thinking tat u cant solve the problems!!every bros here want to hear that u manage to work ouy your problem!!so come back and give us the good news!!!stop surfing in SB for NOW!!!get your butt off ur computer chair and start doin something!!! :D

[Malaysian Datuk]

but sometime we cannot control many things. The thought of ending my life also struck my mind as i was tying.....just feel very tired and demorlaised.......Bro whatever you do never have that thought. You may feel you have nothing to live for now but the road ahead is still long with many twists and turns, nothing is absolute except death....so if you die then that's really the end.

[Count Dragula]

Bro whatever you do never have that thought. You may feel you have nothing to live for now but the road ahead is still long with many twists and turns, nothing is absolute except death....so if you die then that's really the end.


I felt totally useless.....on one hand.....i treasure my family...on the other hand.....i just could not get a job......maybe i am really good for nothing......current business needs time....looking for a new jobs needs time...and of course...money coming in also needs time.....i think this time i am done for......no hope liao........

So what if I succeed 3-5 mths down the road......if my family is to break up even before then.......for me......i dun fuck if i have a million dollars cause to me family ties are more important at least for me.....

[Count Dragula]

I am sorry bro but I can't understand this. Any profits that you earn after paying back to CPF what you have drawn (plus interest), you pocket them. Unless your current flat was bought from the open market and you are now unable to sell with much profits, CPF does not take away all your cash. .

Bro...i have no profit for the sale of the flat coz i bought it at a time when the resale flat is at the highest point.....now 5 room prices drop like mad......how to have any proceed from the sale....only top-up......

[xen0n]

Time to lower that dignity and ego, and start on some simple jobs. Since financial issues are the toughest at hand, solve them first. If ur wife can see that u are doing something to salvage the situation by solving the most immediate problems, don't be surprised she might take a step back to help u with it.

Since u are a foreign degree holder, it won't be that difficult to find a job these days, provided if u don't mind working abit harder than last time.

All the best.

[SingViet]

Some bros here are very quick at pointing fingers. We are here to offer solutions or to lend a listening ear, not to cause more hurt or disturbance. What happens to other bros today may just happen to you in the near future. :eek:

[PuTonRen]

Brother Count Dracula,

I am sorry to read about your situation. When a baby is born, he or she is given the right and the obligation to stay alive. No one, including him or herself to take a life away. In addition, you have a son. Think about your son before you decide to do anything. We have no right to pass over our suffering to the life that we have worked hard to bring it to this world. We have the obligation to look after and to ensure that he/she grows up with good health, both physically and morally.

I have read many good comments by brothers from this forum. They have used different tones, ways and language to help to boost your moral and to suggest solutions.

About the marital relationship with your wife. I am sure, a woman who had stayed with you everyday for the past nine years would just leave you. Financial problem could be the initialisation point for problem. However, I believe her attitude in your relationship is compounded by other factors; one of which could be the attitude and the effort of yours. If you had demonstrated courage and preserverence in making good of the financial situation, thus showing your determination to continue to put food on the table, I am sure your wife would appreciate and would love you more. Having said that, please do demonstrate to your family the determination, however high or low, that you really wish to make good of the situation and bring the family together. A lady with me of nine years cannot be so cruel.

Many brothers had said, bring down your expectation, change your life style, accept less, re-adjust your financial situation, etc. In short - Whatever it takes.

I wish you all the best and hope that the year 2006 would bring you a better year!

With best regards.

[tobi69]

Some bros here are very quick at pointing fingers. We are here to offer solutions or to lend a listening ear, not to cause more hurt or disturbance. What happens to other bros today may just happen to you in the near future. :eek:

Yah bro i agree wif u..it might happen to us 1 day!!!but its just tat its is the way some bros give advise..i think bro dargula dont mind???and lets not be over sensitive bro....everyone is listening and giving solution to him in diff way...hahaha cheers bro...:D

[Count Dragula]

Since u are a foreign degree holder, it won't be that difficult to find a job these days, provided if u don't mind working abit harder than last time.
All the best.

working harder is not a problem....bro....if there is such an opportunity.
I asked myself....all my bills and loans are piling.....if a job offers me 1k a month....and I start now....only until the end of January then i get paid.....will that 1k be sufficient to cover my months expenses...not to mentioned the heavy overdue bills and loans that are mounting on my shoulders.....any question is, will she wait? because more problems arises again because when you start working.....you need money for food, transport etc....

haiz........the more i think of it, the more it get worst.....

[Count Dragula]

Some bros here are very quick at pointing fingers. We are here to offer solutions or to lend a listening ear, not to cause more hurt or disturbance. What happens to other bros today may just happen to you in the near future. :eek:

I do not blame anyone....and why should i blame them....they are right in certain aspects......i felt that I need someone to give me advice cos I am not thinking straight at the moment...very confused!!!!!........

Ironically, met up with a long lost friend last night and guess what happen....he is separated with his wifs of 12 years with 2 kids recently....of course financial reasons is the main cause and other factor is because of a third party......what the world has become.......

[Count Dragula]

About the marital relationship with your wife. I am sure, a woman who had stayed with you everyday for the past nine years would just leave you. Financial problem could be the initialisation point for problem. However, I believe her attitude in your relationship is compounded by other factors; one of which could be the attitude and the effort of yours. If you had demonstrated courage and preserverence in making good of the financial situation, thus showing your determination to continue to put food on the table, I am sure your wife would appreciate and would love you more. Having With best regards.

You are right bro....maybe its the attitude and effort of mine that disappoint her and also maybe its because of empty promise made on numerous occasion to make her feel secure about our financial position......But it seems that my white lies has been let out of the bag.....and now i need to face the consequences.....

wriiten in my earlier post, credit terms given to my clients sometime may not be as punctual as the terms state....I tend to presume that the money will be coming in oct...then nov...then dec......but some things are not controlled by me......

[Count Dragula]

Yah bro i agree wif u..it might happen to us 1 day!!!but its just tat its is the way some bros give advise..i think bro dargula dont mind???and lets not be over sensitive bro....everyone is listening and giving solution to him in diff way...hahaha cheers bro...:D

Yes all suggetions and advices are noted with thanks irregardless of bad or good...cos it makes me see a clearer picture from different perspective.....

Bro Kingeros....the interwine methods...push and pull factor...appreciative of that and another bro or sis zzz.....it seems to be a more feminine point of view......nonrthless....it is still good advice from both while actually all of you.......

[KingEros]

Bro,me stil playing.are y coming back to join the us?alreadi score 1 ..hahaha
Think not ... getting too old to be diving left, right & centre liao.
Been going into golf big time recently anyways.

[blackheart]

wriiten in my earlier post, credit terms given to my clients sometime may not be as punctual as the terms state....I tend to presume that the money will be coming in oct...then nov...then dec......but some things are not controlled by me......
Ok bro, understand your position about the HDB flat. Since it is a resale flat, I agree that selling it won't bring about any cash return.

For now, I would say the best alternative is to approach banks for Factoring facility. If you are sure these customers can be trusted to pay eventually, you can still make use of the factoring facility to tie you over while you wait for them to pay up. Your only lost will be the interest. Of course, if they don't pay up in 6 months time, then you will have a bigger problem but if you are confident your business will grow in the next few months, this will help you in the cashflow.

Your notion that even if you get a job now, you will only get paid at the end of the month and that meanwhile you still need to money to go to work, needs to really change. Bro, if you have a job now, at least part of your problem would be solve the following month. If you don't have a job, your problems rollover and multiply. Think about it.

Blackheart

[KingEros]

my wife is someone who is a typical singaporean whereby "face" is very important...if i really sell the flat.....she will leave me immediately i guess...
Then she doesn't deserve you ... simple as that - let her go hunt for another willing carrot

[tobi69]

Think not ... getting too old to be diving left, right & centre liao.
Been going into golf big time recently anyways.

Wahhh am i seeing the next tiger wood in the making..hahaha,gd for u bro actually golf suits u more then soccer...but never forget us ur ex team mates..cheers

[KingEros]

Bro...i have no profit for the sale of the flat coz i bought it at a time when the resale flat is at the highest point.....now 5 room prices drop like mad......how to have any proceed from the sale....only top-up......
All depending on whether you put in cash when you first bought from the open market ...
For the part of the loan which has been serviced through your CPF (& I'm assuming 100% servicing since you used to earn $10k per month) ... any losses through this sale would be logged as paper loss for you - no need to top up.
In other words, while you cannot expect to make any $ by selling your 5-room flat ... you would definitely be cutting losses, in the sense that you dun have to worry about the monthly instalments anymore.

Bro Kingeros....the interwine methods...push and pull factor...appreciative of that ..................
Well, since you can read between the lines, all is not lost yet - in fact, I think you should thank your blessings: sometimes, taking 2 steps backwards will get you 4 steps forward ... life is a marathon & not a sprint, leading all the way but not finishing still means you DNF.
Keep your chin up!!! The last thing that's gonna get you anywhere is self-pity. :)

[blackheart]

Some bros here are very quick at pointing fingers. We are here to offer solutions or to lend a listening ear, not to cause more hurt or disturbance. What happens to other bros today may just happen to you in the near future. :eek:
Dear Bro SingViet,

Though I agree that some comments were crude, I believe everyone who has posted merely wanted to help Bro Count get back on to the right track. Sometimes, the words that really hurts are the ones that really helps. More often than not, one only improves through criticism. Yes, we too might fall one day, but if we are mentally strong, we will always get up and become stronger. The difference between the successful ones and the mediocre ones is attitude. Successful people view their setbacks as opportunity to improve. Mediocre people just sit there lamenting about their setbacks. Bro, hope you are not offended.

Blackheart

[KingEros]

Wahhh am i seeing the next tiger wood in the making..hahaha,gd for u bro actually golf suits u more then soccer...but never forget us ur ex team mates..cheers
Sounds like you trying to bait me onto the field again ... :D
Still doing your hunting in Joo Chiat lately??

[wonder]

Count Dragula,

I have to agree with most of the Big Bro have advice you, pls hear them throughly.

Regarding your situation:
Job:
When your family don't have money to eat or pay bill what kind of face or pride you want. It doesn't mean by getting a low pay job you lost your pride or faces, it only prove to people that you willing to do anything for yourself and your family. Find a job first as you said the family is important to you. Don't just think and talk, it bring you no where, action speak louder then words.(planning)

Selling your HDB Flat:
Don't just guessing how much you have or whether you need to top up, just pay a visit to HDB HQ and talk to the officer. They can give you advice on everything about selling and buying. It only thats' you half a day to solve you doubt about selling the house(planning)

Family Problem:
As agreed with some bro here, family problem that lead to divorce don't just start with one problem, it is a list of problem that cause a major situation. Trust me i have see it before.

Wife:
Think about it why your wife want a divorce maybe your family situation cannot provide a secure environment or status for her and your son.
Pls understand nowsaday women are different from women in the 60's or 70's.

Children:
Both of you, pls give a thought for your son, when both of you quarrel, don't you think that your son can feel it. If you need to discuss, pls do it with claim mind and thoughts and not infront of your son. Both of you will affect his emotion.

Divorce:
Believe me i see a lot of cases, divorce not just both of your problem, it will affect all parties in the family and your relative. The most innocent party will be your son and both of you will have more problem with money and on how to bring your son up in the future.

Now just my 2 cent of suggestion as both of you need to put a lot of affort for your child sake:

Planning:

Get a Job (perm), do a estimate calc for 2 years(truthfully to yourself for the family), will you make a profit and settle your loan and provide a normal life for your family and do a calc on finding a job. Have a pro and con list this will help you better.

Downgrade from 5rm to 3rm

Credit Card if cannot settle, visit moneywise website for advice.

Come out with a proposer of what will you do to ensure(again truthfully) your family to live a normal life.


Find a best friend that both of you will listern to him/her advice (try not to have family member of either side, unless you are very sure)

Ask him/her to help you talk to your wife about the situation with your proposer( he or she must be tackfull). Then you come in when she is cool down. Trust me, your wife need assurance from you now, show it too her, that you want a family to stick as one.

Remember some big shot in Sillpore did said "no face won't die, no breath will die".

Be positive, earning a 10K a month is not a oridnary guy, you have see alot of big thing in your life have some confident of yourself, always put your family needs before oneself then everything should be fine.

Remember to get all the informed for your planning and proft to your wife that you are progressing with your plan to make a better life for the family.

I hope this will help you one way or another, you can pm me if you think i can advice you.

Remember in one's life there always up and down, be positive as every problem there is always a solution, it is just a matter how you want to do it.

[Rof|maoxz]

I think there is no way out for this marriage already......!!!!!

Can your family members, relatives, close friends help? Is your debt alarming?

With a brain like yours - plus an insistence to feast on past glories (you earning almost 10-20% of what you used to, remember??) & live like royalties (2 adults & a kid in a 5-room flat ... you better not tell us you have a maid too, ok??), I think you really deserve to die ... :mad:
Do you know there are a majority here who live in a smaller place than yours, in a simpler way than yours?? I'm sure they'd be most glad to help you pull the trigger. :mad:

I also live in a petite pigeon hole. But it's just sufficient for me, even with 2 more kids. Most importantly have to provision at least 6 mths of housing installment just in case I get sacked or retrenched.

[Aristotle]

With utmost respect for the man, i think he should be out trying to find any job at all to help things out at the moment. Sometimes its just not about the end results but the effort a person put in as well, i was in such a situation before, not as high a pay but i am earning $5K plus a month as a Operations Manager, with a car provided from the company too! Retrenchment came, i have to sell my house, downgrade to a 3-room and work as a taxi driver, maybe i am lucky, my wife was very supportive throughout even when life was hard.

Aristotle
382-322bc

[Count Dragula]

i have to sell my house, downgrade to a 3-room and work as a taxi driver, maybe i am lucky, my wife was very supportive throughout even when life was hard.


I really envy you.....

[Count Dragula]

Count Dragula,

I have to agree with most of the Big Bro have advice you, pls hear them throughly.

how you want to do it.

Thanks for summarising everything for me........thank you!!!!!!!!!!

[Count Dragula]

.


Thanks for the points but honestly i am not too concern over that....your advice will be taken note off......

[notEnuff121]

Hi Bro n Gals,
Me can understand what shit you are going through...

Lets us know what trade you are in... and if we can help we will... dont think we are a great charity house but if we can help with bits and pcs and some contact here and there...

Who knows it may help you through this moment of hardship

[Count Dragula]

just contacted another of my close friend and we have decided to register for a taxi driver vocational license tomorrow......

As for my wife, she is still giving me the cold shoulders......anyway I think just have to try something to substain my current financial crisis...while hoping that my business will pull through next year.....

Still having the bad feelings of her to harbour thoughts of divorce at this time but it seems that I still have to move on with something.....

been thinking a lot on what one bro had said in the earlier thread about if one day I were to meet with an accident and cannot work....will she be around still...well I think the answer is probably no......

Ask me why I still want to keep the marriage if she is like this...well probably nobody is perfect.....that is the answer i derive from the whole incident.....
and of course my son.....life really sucks.....

[tan1688]

Bro Dracula,

I know some people take 2-3 jobs to meet ends meet, becauz they have 4-5 kids, I salute them with all my heart as they have so much love in their heart for their child/wife :o they scrimp and save bit by bit all for their family, some bring food from home juz to save a few bucks for lunch, some walk / take a bicycle to work, some juz take gardenia bread for lunch, I saw some of my factory operators taking instant noodles for lunch ... the things people do :o

They leave home at 3-4pm to start work and get back home late in the night, when they reach home they never talk juz sleep a few hrs and the next day
comes work again. Like Dracula hee hee

U could try apply for security guard in the night, taxi operator / factory worker in the day, what ever it is I think the only way to salvage your marriage is get off your high horses and show to your family ur are slogging
really hard for them, I have not known of anyone not touched by this, do tell them ur plans though ...

[tan1688]

And Bro Dracula,

If u really want to end it once and for all, pls go buy 1 million dollar insurance
before u do it and benefeciary to ur wife and kids at least they do not have to suffer. :o

[tobi69]

Serious lah bro golf suits u better... :cool: sport

[tobi69]

Sounds like you trying to bait me onto the field again ... :D
Still doing your hunting in Joo Chiat lately??

But ur welcome anytime to join us...JC long time never go!!now just make appointment wif okt... :D

[ly1968]

[QUOTE=Count Dragula]just contacted another of my close friend and we have decided to register for a taxi driver vocational license tomorrow......
QUOTE]


Hi Bro Dragula,
Gald to hear that and wish u all the best in the year 2006 & remember the chinese saying "Boat reach the bridge & the bridge will naturally be straight" & may all ur problems be solve by than,Cheers :)

[tan1688]

Bro Dracula,

One tip:

When applying for job dun ever tell them u earn 10K/mth last time or u have this degree that degree, juz ask them wat is the minimum qualificationfor the job if O'Level cert then say u have that.

If you look like more than qualified for the job the other party would surely know that this job is juz going to be temp only till u find the next better one. :rolleyes:

[Count Dragula]

Bro Dracula,

One tip:

When applying for job dun ever tell them u earn 10K/mth last time or u have this degree that degree, juz ask them wat is the minimum qualificationfor the job if O'Level cert then say u have that.

If you look like more than qualified for the job the other party would surely know that this job is juz going to be temp only till u find the next better one. :rolleyes:


Maybe that's the reason why I felt that I am very qualified for most of the jobs applied because of my experiences and qualification but still get turn down....
now I know....jeez.....really useful advise.....

[Landlord]

Dracula,

It is now quite common for people to hide their cert. From an employer's point of view, we know that those over qualified applicants will leave once a better offer comes along eventually. I mean who would not want to earn more. I know it's a very unfair view but all employers are also worried about training staff who will leave eventually. Anyway hope next year would be a better year for you. :)

[googo]

Seeing so many helpful brothers giving helpful advice, I cant help but wanted to chip in mine as well.

If I said I can fully understand Count Dragula's situation I would be bullshitting, coz I never will, unless I'm in exactly the same situation as his.

But I had my share of trying period before - I was once owing 5 banks with loans/credit cards totalled at 70k back in Malaysia. I kept telling myself it was not a big sum, it's just like paying instalment for a Honda Civic, no big deal. Except the problem was, I was making 2.5k per month, and my monthly repayment (altogether) was 3k.

I got to a point where I MUST find a way to double my income or I will never clear up my debts, and you know what did I do? I doubled the value of money I earned -- by finding a job in Singapore.

Not saying this method works for everyone, I was probably just lucky, but I just like to make two points:
1. When things dont work in one way, find another way!
2. When you cant turn the table, change your seating!

My two cents nia...

[red-wolf]

I think u can forget about e marriage cause a wife should go through thin n thick with u.I think she is a materialistic girl who 1 to lead good life.

[zzz^^]

Hello, im a 36 year old married man, im not sis.

I've been thru lots of ups & downs in life too e.g. used to live in bungalow, 1-rm flat, 2-rm flat, 3-rm flat, 4-rm flat, 5-rm flat.


Yes all suggetions and advices are noted with thanks irregardless of bad or good...cos it makes me see a clearer picture from different perspective.....

Bro Kingeros....the interwine methods...push and pull factor...appreciative of that and another bro or sis zzz.....it seems to be a more feminine point of view......nonrthless....it is still good advice from both while actually all of you.......

[Castrol]

I've been thru lots of ups & downs in life too e.g. used to live in bungalow, 1-rm flat, 2-rm flat, 3-rm flat, 4-rm flat, 5-rm flat.

wow bro, your next house will be how many rooms? :D

[Frankiestine]

Bro,

You are partially right. Yes, I am not able to bring myself to certain jobs not because that I am a royalty but probably its the lifestyle that I have lead for many years. Blame it on my ego or esteem, but it seems that this ego and esteem had cost me my marriage which I felt is the most important part of my life.

Brudder beggars cannot be choosers, understand. Monster here bankrupt fail in a few biz ventures, go look for job, kena trample and fuck right left centre but only repeat one sentence to myself always in cantonese "Kwai kiu le kun teng an siong ah" For benefits of non cantonese or my lousy translation means roughly "Who ask you to be poor, just bear with it"...

Give your wife time, yes money problems can be headache but like i always tell myself "How low more can you sink when you are already at rock bottom"...

I been thru it all, divorce, biz failure, bankruptcy....wat don;t kill you only makes you stronger..

[Malaysian Datuk]

but only repeat one sentence to myself always in cantonese "Kwai kiu le kun teng an siong ah" For benefits of non cantonese or my lousy translation means roughly "Who ask you to be poor, just bear with it"...

Give your wife time, yes money problems can be headache but like i always tell myself "How low more can you sink when you are already at rock bottom"...

I been thru it all, divorce, biz failure, bankruptcy....wat don;t kill you only makes you stronger..
Bro let's give the Count more motto/slogans to sharpen his fighting spirit.....

"When you've hit bottom....the only way is up"

"When life give you lemons....make lemonade"

[googo]

"Kwai kiu le kun teng an siong ah"

Bro Frankiestine, may I have the pleasure of correcting that for you? Dont flame me, your pinyin a bit cannot make it la, but fret not, help is here. For the benefit of those who looked half day finally got what it means (e.g. me), or still dont get what it means, what Frankiestine was saying is: "鬼叫你穷？顶硬上啊！"

[Hotel123]

Try renting out the other rooms in your place....
U probably can get $300 a room.It's at least other income.

If you have time to drive taxi, why not joined me as a part-time housing agent?

Money is not that fantastic and easy as what outsiders percieved but at least it's 1-2k additional income a month with some luck.

[Count Dragula]

Try renting out the other rooms in your place....
U probably can get $300 a room.It's at least other income.

If you have time to drive taxi, why not joined me as a part-time housing agent?

Money is not that fantastic and easy as what outsiders percieved but at least it's 1-2k additional income a month with some luck.

bro, i am interested to try.....on the housing agent job...care to intro...

[Count Dragula]

Hello, im a 36 year old married man, im not sis.

I've been thru lots of ups & downs in life too e.g. used to live in bungalow, 1-rm flat, 2-rm flat, 3-rm flat, 4-rm flat, 5-rm flat.

HI bro zzz, sorry for the mixup. I actually wanted to show her what you have written on your earlier post and hope she can understand but change more mind subsequently.....dun want her to know about this forum........

[Count Dragula]

[QUOTE=Frankiestine]

Give your wife time, yes money problems can be headache but like i always tell myself "How low more can you sink when you are already at rock bottom"...

QUOTE]

Hope that time can really solve the problem.....starting to pull myself up.....but really feel shit from the cold shoulders given by wifey......

[plain]

i read thru all the threads. Count Dragula, you've yet to tell every one what you were doing after you lost yr job. What were u doing for 1.5-2 years ?

from woman's pov, if my husband is just sitting on his fat ass doing nothing at home, i would get angry as well !!! I guess what she's trying to do is to PUSH you to a corner and force you to REALLY hunt for a job. She must have talked to you ALOT of times during that 1.5-2 year period, she must have stressed herself out cos' she's been loaning money from your in-laws while you are not doing any thing at all. Her last resort is to THREATEN you with Divorce.

Frankly she sounded quite mean to me initially. If a woman REALLY wants a divorce, she won' give a man Dead-line, she'll just walk out silently and all planned out.

[KingEros]

If a woman REALLY wants a divorce, she won' give a man Dead-line, she'll just walk out silently and all planned out.
Speaking from your own experience?? :rolleyes:

[CNNcmg]

Her last resort is to THREATEN you with Divorce.

If a woman REALLY wants a divorce, she won' give a man Dead-line, she'll just walk out silently and all planned out.

Count,

Just my 1 cents worth....
I think plain is write....

Dun under estimate what a wife is willing to do for their hubby to keep the family together..... (If they still believe in it).

Get some plan together before she give up totally.... Once a woman give up, there usually is not turning back...

Good luck.... not sure what else we can help here besides ideas and encouragement....

[Prolink]

Bru what business are u in?

Maybe we can help......

[QUOTE=Frankiestine]

Give your wife time, yes money problems can be headache but like i always tell myself "How low more can you sink when you are already at rock bottom"...

QUOTE]

Hope that time can really solve the problem.....starting to pull myself up.....but really feel shit from the cold shoulders given by wifey......

[Prolink]

Bru what business are u in?

Maybe we can help......

[QUOTE=Frankiestine]

Give your wife time, yes money problems can be headache but like i always tell myself "How low more can you sink when you are already at rock bottom"...

QUOTE]

Hope that time can really solve the problem.....starting to pull myself up.....but really feel shit from the cold shoulders given by wifey......

[plain]

Speaking from your own experience?? :rolleyes:
speaking from woman's point of view.

why should i 'inform' my husband if I want to walk out ? give dead-line as if its a major project ? i believe she's more pissed with him that he just does nothing but sit at home and do nothing.

btw dragula, you mentioned you're doing yr own business. what business is that actually ? I think you should mention it... WHO KNOWS, some one here might give you some business. OR introduce you a client/supplier who can work hand-in-hand. Of course from then on, keeping the business is up to you and hopefully you won't fuck it up... if that happens you'll fuck yrself up, SB boys and ultimately the business.

[plain]

Bru what business are u in?

Maybe we can help......

[QUOTE=Count Dragula]

see Dragula, you've already got people sounding you. :)

ANY ONE in Petrochemical industry ???? I need to get in and get introduced around, it so difficult to penetrate into this sector :mad:

[Frankiestine]

Bro Frankiestine, may I have the pleasure of correcting that for you? Dont flame me, your pinyin a bit cannot make it la, but fret not, help is here. For the benefit of those who looked half day finally got what it means (e.g. me), or still dont get what it means, what Frankiestine was saying is: "鬼叫你穷？顶硬上啊！"
hehehe paiseh my malay is more powderful then my chinese....:o

[KingEros]

... what Frankiestine was saying is: "鬼叫你穷？顶硬上啊！"
Understand the first part 100%
But what exactly does the second part refer to ... just bite the bullet & up what?? :rolleyes:

[MahjongSiao]

Sorry...dun mean to be mean to u at such time... if it happens to me... i wld let her go... simpily the reason is... if she cant stick with me to go thru thin thruout our marriage vows.... then i guess it is meaningless.

Looking at it in another way... she might be happy & better off with someone else who can provide her with all those materialistic things... i will be happy for her too... :o

[Count Dragula]

i read thru all the threads. Count Dragula, you've yet to tell every one what you were doing after you lost yr job. What were u doing for 1.5-2 years ?

from woman's pov, if my husband is just sitting on his fat ass doing nothing at home, i would get angry as well !!! I guess what she's trying to do is to PUSH you to a corner and force you to REALLY hunt for a job. She must have talked to you ALOT of times during that 1.5-2 year period, she must have stressed herself out cos' she's been loaning money from your in-laws while you are not doing any thing at all. Her last resort is to THREATEN you with Divorce.

Frankly she sounded quite mean to me initially. If a woman REALLY wants a divorce, she won' give a man Dead-line, she'll just walk out silently and all planned out.


Initially when I lose my job, I took time to locate another job but either the salary is too low or they rejected me. Subsequently, decided to set up my own business but being self-emplyed means no income and a lot of time are needed for the biz to grow...

She refused to listen to me now at all .....

[Count Dragula]

Count,

Just my 1 cents worth....
I think plain is write....

Dun under estimate what a wife is willing to do for their hubby to keep the family together..... (If they still believe in it).

Get some plan together before she give up totally.... Once a woman give up, there usually is not turning back...

Good luck.... not sure what else we can help here besides ideas and encouragement....


I am afraid that she might really be giving up as I couldn't tahan the cold shoulders and sort of spoke to her again this morning but she so determined that she asked me to go and do the divorce document tomorrow.....

This Sie really no hope liao.....

[Count Dragula]

Bru what business are u in?

Maybe we can help......

[QUOTE=Count Dragula]

Bro.....I think most important for me is to find a job now. I am running an import and export company.....

[Count Dragula]

Sorry...dun mean to be mean to u at such time... if it happens to me... i wld let her go... simpily the reason is... if she cant stick with me to go thru thin thruout our marriage vows.... then i guess it is meaningless.

Looking at it in another way... she might be happy & better off with someone else who can provide her with all those materialistic things... i will be happy for her too... :o

Bro..i see my financial difficulties a short term problem.....as mentioned in my past thread....but my situation is to keep this marriage till the time I recovered.....

[KingEros]

I am afraid that she might really be giving up ... she so determined that she asked me to go and do the divorce document tomorrow.....

Seriously ... give a thought to my recommendation ... while you move out to concentrate on whatever you need to do right financially, she gets her space to avoid doing anything rash.

[susuyamyam]

Try renting out the other rooms in your place....
U probably can get $300 a room.It's at least other income.

If you have time to drive taxi, why not joined me as a part-time housing agent?

Money is not that fantastic and easy as what outsiders percieved but at least it's 1-2k additional income a month with some luck.


yeah rent the room out to some stewardess, and hopefully get side bonk haha. :) so wife dont let u bonk, u can bonk stewardess.

but on a serious note, if a lady decided that they had enuff, no matter how much of coaxing, begging will not do.

I had a gf of 4 yrs, tot she is the one. Then One day, out of nowhere she say wanna time off (without limit one le).... walau eh, and reason.. she say she felt drifted away from me. ANd thats a yr plus after she join SIA. BULLSHIT. WTF is this i say.

I woke up 5mths later to understand that, hey if they woman doesnt want u anymore, dun pin on the hope they will get back to you. MOVE ON. Plus we dun see each other that much when she join SIA. Now i really understand wat it means by... OUT OF SIGHT..... OUT OF MIND. Feelings fades as fast as it comes, when u dun see the other EYE to EYE.

Wake to understd that 8 out of 10 women today, wants financial security. Only 2 of them would be dumb enuff to die for love. The rest... fucks for money. Reality hurts real bad when it gets u when it caught u by surprise.

[googo]

Understand the first part 100%
But what exactly does the second part refer to ... just bite the bullet & up what?? :rolleyes:

Bro KingEros, I suppose you were referring to the chinese text. I'd say it's something like what you've guessed.

[zhaoyun288]

Hi Dracula,

I understand what U r going thru, cause it also happen to me recently. Like what the other bros say, there is usually several factors that triggers all this and it builds with time. My wife has threaten to leave sevaral times. But each time, I managed to talk to her and get her to stay back. But recently, an incident occurs which make her decided to leave. The next day, she left the marriage cert and ring in the cabinet. She refused to talk to me and says she hate me and no longer regards me as a husband. I felt loss and numb like you.

We got two boys and they r quite a handful. We got no maid. She most of time go out till wee hours of the nite, leaving me with the 2 kids. Imagine how I felt!! I felt empty and frustrated. At the same time I have to care for my children and try to lessen the impact on them. I tried to talk to her and she refused to even face me. But luckily for me, we still sms each other. Although we quarrell thru sms, at least it was less emotional. During this period she was going thru some financial difficulties. I could have just ignore her and refuse to help after the way she treats me. But I tell myself, no matter what she is still my wife and mother to our 2 kids. During this difficult period, my help actually move her. She forgive me now (although she initially says she never forgive).

All I want to tell you is 'Never Give Up'. At least once you tried your best and things dont turn out your ways, you wont regret it in the future. So give it all u takes. Take Care!!

[see see only]

Me case same same.

Really dont know how to advise u. as case to case basic all different. but all the best to you. step by step everything well be better.

[Frankiestine]

My wife has threaten to leave sevaral times. But each time, I managed to talk to her and get her to stay back. But recently, an incident occurs which make her decided to leave. The next day, she left the marriage cert and ring in the cabinet. She refused to talk to me and says she hate me and no longer regards me as a husband. I felt loss and numb like you.

You should file your divorce against her on unreasonable behaviour grounds, her constant threat to leave you have left you in a emotionally disturbed state unable to concentrate on your work and anything else..knn these women and mine including, always threatening to walk out..and the best part is not due to anything but just not happy with their life...

[OceanEleven]

You should file your divorce against her on unreasonable behaviour grounds, her constant threat to leave you have left you in a emotionally disturbed state unable to concentrate on your work and anything else..knn these women and mine including, always threatening to walk out..and the best part is not due to anything but just not happy with their life...
I get the point and I can fully understand the agony behind. When no ring compain no ring. Get a ring complain too plain. Get a diamond ring complain too small..........So when will this end? :o

[DO_YOU_BJ]

Bro..i see my financial difficulties a short term problem.....as mentioned in my past thread....but my situation is to keep this marriage till the time I recovered.....

To all bros, remember, through better or worse, sickness or in health. Remember this?????
These are all temporary setbacks in my opinion.
But we have to search ourselves why this woman married us in the 1st place???
Financial security
Emotional Security
LOVE???(C'mon get real)
They need someone STRONG to cling on to
or due to the current situation, they have found another stronger one to cling to??????
Must be patient and have a good talk to her.....ultimatums are of no use, ask her wat she sees in you 2 in say 5 yrs time & if all is said is rosy, then this woman is not ready for hardships with you.
Remember, a sailor is only a good sailor when he has encountered and gone through rough seas. A sailor who steers clear of rough seas is not & never will be a sailor.

[Frankiestine]

I get the point and I can fully understand the agony behind. When no ring compain no ring. Get a ring complain too plain. Get a diamond ring complain too small..........So when will this end? :o
Thats why I have a song for them sang to Roy Orbitson Pretty Woman

During Courtship
Greedy Woman, not happy with just a ring
Greedy Woman, wants a ring that can blink
Greedy Woman, do you really want me to go bankruptcy...
Oh Mercy...

After divorce.....
Greedy Woman, not happy with alimony
Greedy Woman, wants some more money
Greedy Woman, can you see now I jiak roti...
Oh Mercy...

:D

[Castrol]

After divorce.....
Greedy Woman, not happy with alimony
Greedy Woman, wants some more money
Greedy Woman, can you see now I jiak roti...
Oh Mercy...

:D

hahaha... bro good one... hahaha... :D

[Count Dragula]

Good news all bros...seems like happy ending after all.....manage to keep the marriage...thanks to the thoughtful and valuable advises given by all the bros here.....may those who are married are blessed with a blissful life while those bachelor to find someone you love and live happily ever after...

A BIG THANK YOU EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!

[Frankiestine]

Good news all bros...seems like happy ending after all.....manage to keep the marriage...thanks to the thoughtful and valuable advises given by all the bros here.....may those who are married are blessed with a blissful life while those bachelor to find someone you love and live happily ever after...

A BIG THANK YOU EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!
Good for you bro, just hang in there....like i said when you are at pit bottom the only way to look is up....:D

[Aristotle]

Very true! The only way you can go when you are pit bottom is up! Hang in there pal, things will only turn better from now on.

Aristotle
384-322bc

[Clonie]

Good news all bros...seems like happy ending after all.....manage to keep the marriage...thanks to the thoughtful and valuable advises given by all the bros here.....may those who are married are blessed with a blissful life while those bachelor to find someone you love and live happily ever after...

A BIG THANK YOU EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!

so wat happen? tell us abt it n share ur joy with us :)

[EatNDrink]

Dear all,

I am very grateful for all who have posted in this thread to show their concern. Some had privately pm me and had given me very valuable feedback and suggestions to overcome this situation of mine.

Situation wasn't very good this morning as well, cos we had a big quarrel again over financial issues. She claim that she can no longer put up staying in this house again. Again I am facing immense pressure from this statement.

Many people had suggested for me to downgrade my flat in which I did but was told that all the cash would be returned to CPF, thus it would not be feasible or advisable to do that as explained by HDB. FYI, I bought my house more than 5 years ago.

Actually for the past 1.5 years, after I had lost my job, I had tried to find jobs but in vain, thus started to run my own business. Being sort of self employed, there are no regular or monthly income for me, hence the piling of bills and taking of various loans to substanciate the cost of living and business.

As a matter of fact, I am a graduate and have about 7 years of overseas working experience but it seems that many companies are probably looking for younger graduate.

As a matter of fact, stop blaming and cursing others, will you? do u know why companies are looking for young graduate? one of the reasons is cos old guards are very stuck up .. and they refuse to upgrade themselves .. thinking their U cert can do miracles .. they shd in fact learn from our minister mentor, who started learning internet and computer at the age of 70+

[suckerll]

While you have painted a picture of your wife being materialistic and unwilling to go through thick and thin with you, what have you been actually doing over the past 1.5 years to rebuild your career and give her reasons to want to continue going through the hardship with you?

However, you need to ask yourself whether you had actually fulfilled your duties as a husband and a father? It is always easy to say one has tried their best. What were you working as in the past that allowed you to earn 10K a month and why is it that you can only earn less than 20% of it now? Has your past skills become redundant? How about learning new skills? 1.5 years is more than enough time for one to learn new skills and adapt to the ever-changing economy. Have you done that? actually, it's not that good an idea to go for whatever 'úpgrading' that there is out there as it has not been proven to be that effective! :rolleyes:

i believe he was saving money for other uses rather than on such courses which might have no returns.

[CNNcmg]

Good news all bros...seems like happy ending after all.....manage to keep the marriage...thanks to the thoughtful and valuable advises given by all the bros here.....may those who are married are blessed with a blissful life while those bachelor to find someone you love and live happily ever after...


Bro, Congrats then...
Just keep up the good work....and keep working on it..
At least some good news here for a change....

[EatNDrink]

As a matter of fact, stop blaming and cursing others, will you? do u know why companies are looking for young graduate? one of the reasons is cos old guards are very stuck up .. and they refuse to upgrade themselves .. thinking their U cert can do miracles .. they shd in fact learn from our minister mentor, who started learning internet and computer at the age of 70+

Oh no .. me and my big mouth, say sth wrong .. kanna deducted 2 points .. so sad :(

[Peehole]

hey bro dracie

ur wife pretty? how old? Since she going to divorce u i dont think it matters if u share her with us?

[Frankiestine]

U r a real ass on two counts, one for reviving a long dead thread and two for taking people wife as a whore..:mad::mad:

[machoman]

U r a real ass on two counts, one for reviving a long dead thread and two for taking people wife as a whore..:mad::mad:

Hey, Frank, you also zap him for the post made in really bad taste. :p :cool:

[Peehole]

Aiya come on la...share lei....we help u service ur wife...give ehr financial assistance...then she wont leave u ma...

that way ur wifee happier...ur happier...i happier

we all happy!