Guys Point of View

[fenni]

Hey guys,
I know it's weird for a gal to post here. but just to gather some views.
caught my guy surfing this website :(
anyway, would u guys rather "do it yourself" than with ur partner?
cause everytime i'm asleep or i'm away, he will have his own "past time".
which i find annoying. n he tells me that it's way easier n less effort to do it himself!
any guys feel that way too? I don't know whether he's telling the truth or he's just sick of me.

and pls do not give lewd comments ya?

[Criminalz]

First of all, there is nothing wrong with surfing this website.

Well, i dunno about other guys, but eventhough we have partners to keep happy. Sometimes just sometimes, we just desire some personal time. It is during this time, we allow ourselves to visit that TCS actress we dream about, the neighbour wives and for some other samster his 50plus year old auntie.

I seriously dun think you should be angry at this point, i guess you would rather your guy have his personal time than going out to seek "personal time". Try to talk to him, not about surfing this website or his ECA, but more on sex topics. You will be delightfully surprised with how entertaining the conversation would be.

Perhaps, just a suggestion...No harm asking him if it is ok if your best friend join in for once, just to try out. (TO the bro samster, YOU OWE ME BIG TIME HERE, unless her best friend is a guy then OPPS):D

[fenni]

Which gal won't be unhappy when we realise our guys are doing that. oh well, i've tried talking to him but he just says that everything is fine. :cool:
hmm. and again, ask my best friend to join in to what? :confused: a threesome u mean?

[Cntl_Alt_Del]

anyway, would u guys rather "do it yourself" than with ur partner?
I rather do it wif my partner than to "do it myself". Reason is this simple, making love will strengthen the whole r/s.


cause everytime i'm asleep or i'm away, he will have his own "past time".
which i find annoying. n he tells me that it's way easier n less effort to do it himself! any guys feel that way too? I don't know whether he's telling the truth or he's just sick of me.


What is his "own past time"? Surfing SBF and masturbate himself? Well, if u find it annoying, u should tell him straight to his face instead of making yourself more angry toward him. Then for ur ownself 's thinking, how did u fare abt u guys' love making session? Izzit u r like a deadfish that he rather DIY him? This can be a possible reason too, no offence pls.. :) There so many other reasons behind it that leads to his thinking now. Furthermore, a r/s wont improve w/o much communciation. Same does to your assumption (ass_u_me) that he is juz sick of u, if u dont ask, u will never find out any reasons behind his acts. If u treasure him, pls find some time n haf a heart to heart talk wif him.

My personal view...
CAD

[fenni]

thanks CAD for your opinions. i did talk to him and ask him what we can do to improve on the sex life. he just said nothing. so, i seriously do not know what he wants and he's not that kind to like tell straight in the face.

[Criminalz]

take the first step...watch porn together...suggest to him you wan a bukkake...have sex outdoors...have sex in the car....have sex in the living room...have sex in the cinema..ok you get the drift.

See, sex is just like a relationship, after awhile, both parties get a little too used to each other, it is up to both of you to spice it up. If he does not talk much about it, then you take the initiative and be bold.

spend some time going thru this forum, you will find a lot of guys fantasies, perhaps you might wanna try it...

Last but not least, own some sort of uniform...not KFC uniform though.

[fenni]

i did suggest outdoor sex, but he's not into it anymore.
what's bukkake?
uniform?? get from where?

[Cntl_Alt_Del]

so, i seriously do not know what he wants and he's not that kind to like tell straight in the face.

Hmmm.. Ur guy scenario is the same to those child who got bad childhood. Think abt it, when this child got such a bad childhood experience, when u ask him abt his childhood, do u think he/she will tell u abt it? Same apply to a gal who got rape b4, will she like sex after that? Try considering using the writing form method, be it writing on a paper or on email, ask him to write his feeling, tots and even wat is lacking in ur sex life that he is behaving like dat. I believe this will help but the impt factor to make it work is, u muz let him noe that u r realli trying to save ur own r/s instead of giving him those face that u dun like his current "past time". Also, u cant stress him like example, if u write this, i will get angry etc. Human beings tend to open up when u show those sincereity in themselves.

CAD

[Criminalz]

you dun suggest outdoor sex???!!!!

outdoor sex is always a passion thing. never a prearranged appointment!

outdoor sex is like having half a dozen of oyster, sitting on the beach, kissing, licking, a whole lot of touching, going down on him, pulling up your skirt and going on top of him. All the while looking out for peeping toms, but the whole thing about someone is peeping adds to the excitement. THAT IS OUTDOOR SEX.

ok..for bukkake, plse spend more time in forum researching.

as for uniform, you can find it in a lot of places....hehehhe...nice uniforms too...nurse is a fav among guys.

[fenni]

Criminalz! hello hello wake up wake up. i said i DID not DUN. hahaha
hmm but buying uniforms...isn't that weird? or in other words. paiseh

[Cntl_Alt_Del]

Criminalz! hello hello wake up wake up. i said i DID not DUN.

Haha, think bro Criminalz is too "high" when talking abt outdoor sex, bukkake & cosplay bah? I suppose bro Criminalz got all those fetish on tat? :rolleyes:

[Criminalz]

OK....i did not mean "you did not suggest outdoor sex" but wat i meant was outdoor sex is not something to be suggested, more like a spur of moment thingy...But its alright.

Uniforms are never weird...infact, there should be at least 1 set of uniform in every girls wardrode...hahaha...

see...try to break the norm you guys are having now...norm = boring..remember that..which is why uniforms are good..they bring you guys to another world.

[Criminalz]

Haha, think bro Criminalz is too "high" when talking abt outdoor sex, bukkake & cosplay bah? I suppose bro Criminalz got all those fetish on tat? :rolleyes:


hahhaha....bro. how not to get high in this forum with all the pics and videos....speaking of which...i gotta go for some personal time.

[ang076]

Bukkake is the form of sexual humiliation where two or more guys take turns to cum on your face, body etc.. (it is not recommended for the gal like you, unless you want threesome where 2 guys and 1 gal doing that kind of thing.)

Adult fantasy uniform can be found in every adult shop selling condoms, sex toys, etc..

i did suggest outdoor sex, but he's not into it anymore.
what's bukkake?
uniform?? get from where?

[siamcutey]

thanks CAD for your opinions. i did talk to him and ask him what we can do to improve on the sex life. he just said nothing. so, i seriously do not know what he wants and he's not that kind to like tell straight in the face.

In short, your man is tired of you.

But fret not. U can participate in the activities that he is engaging in. meaning to say, he surf sammyboyforum, u surf also lah. He don't know your nick then one night after sex, he woke up saw ur computer on and then check out your history u visiting this site.

He then decided to communicate with you.....then its time for him to suspect u not u suspect him.:D

Actually u can get this storyline in the "Affair with own wife thread"

hahaha
SC

[matsuda]

Its called "personal time out"..........every individual have their own private moments to be alone. It does not amount to much even if he is masturbating away in his quiet moments. I guess you ought to respect that.

The bigger issue here if whether he is sick of making out with you so that so that he prefers to masturbate himself. That answer is yours to figure out and perhaps some non confrontation dialogue with him will give you a better idea.

[nuclearkid]

I am inclined to agree with siamcutey on the part of him getting a little tired of things the way they have been proceeding. Wouldn't go to the point of suggesting he is tired of you, just the sex part of the relationship. (And spanking the monkey is a much straightforward way of resolving a horny situation)

I do know of the declining frequency of bonks amongst my chums in marriages and long term relationships. In a way, I kowtow to those who can keep the flame going after many, many years, professing to have sex a couple of times a week. Heard of the joke about an old lady comparing her husband to a bull in a farm when he goes around doing it to every cow? His reply was that if there were different cows, he could do it everyday too. The point is: Variety is the spice of life.

I further add on to the discussion on the point if you intrigue your bf enough? Previously, I had a gf who was a bit of boring person and didn't really had much zest for life and was merely contented passing day to day. A very different outlook in life. I found her boring, sex with her boring and even seeing her, well, a little unproductive. The mental connection isn't there. The initial lust driven bonks have dissipated. So does everything else... Perhaps there is more to sex than just keeping it fresh? Its a personal perspective, the playing field of the conditions, am certain, is much bigger.

[Rof|maoxz]

There is absolutely nothing wrong to surf sex forum. Different men have their own preference, it's like watching a Porn/RA movies. If such pastimes are being restricted, den I think there's some lack of security in you or your guy simply wants to find a channel to de-stress himself. :D

[Krappy]

If he is not wanking himself.... He might be like thousands of other bros in this forum going for others sources of sex, at least this way he is still at home with you....

[fenni]

thanks for all the replies.
in other aspects of relationship, i can say we are rather close or in other words, i'm quite happy with the relationship except for the sex part.

anyway, i searched the forum for bukkake.. hmm. totally turns me off. :cool:

somehow, i think there's lack of security in me then. cause he cheated me in the past, thus, i feel uptight about small little things in our relationship. sometimes, i do wonder why am i still with him.haha

[Optimus_Prime]

anyway, would u guys rather "do it yourself" than with ur partner?
cause everytime i'm asleep or i'm away, he will have his own "past time".
which i find annoying. n he tells me any guys feel that way too? I don't know whether he's telling the truth or he's just sick of me.
ASSUMPTION #1
everytime i'm asleep or i'm away, he will have his own "past time".
Er... how would you know he's engaging in this "past time" esp since u're either in Zzzz land or not in the vicinity ??

And in a normal r/s, it's natural for u to be angry but for us cheongsters...we see it in different light. Ur guy is exposed to this forum and yet he remains faithful and jus wanks off his sexual frustrations. To me... that's commentable alreadi.


ASSUMPTION #2
he tells me that it's way easier n less effort to do it himself!
Actually it is easier to wank off.. if like most guys, he's been doing it since he reached puberty or even earlier... PRACTICE makes perfect... probably can release very fast too...

On other hand, he's only been doing it with u for...months?? years??

w/o knowing any of the details of your sex life, we can't assume too much but when guys rather wank off than have sex with their gfs usually mean 2 things - stress or he does not DIG u as much sexually... (sorry that's the truth)


ASSUMPTION #3
that it's way easier n less effort to do it himself!
Hmmm... can I ask if are u always in the mood for sex and he's not ? Or vice-versa ?? It could be due to different sex drive. At this age (assuming he's same age as u), his sex drive is at his peak... sowing his seeds is upmost in his mind. Gals usually only peak sexually when they hit 28-30, so u are still on the upward slope (of cus this is generalisation and varies from case to case)

Anyway... it could be he wants sex at certain times and you are either not around or too tired, so instead of creating the moood to arouse u again...he jus wanks off. Easier and no fuss.... Well that's one way of looking at it.

Another way... are you able to feel aroused when having sex ?? It may be you need more time and foreplay to arouse while your bf wants a quickie... seriously a lot of scernaios as u have provided quite sparse details.

PS: Ur last post was half a year ago... so u caught ur bf surfing SBF then ?? Or u only just realised he's a samster ?

The League of ExTra HorNy GentleMEN & SeXy LADIES

[Optimus_Prime]

in other aspects of relationship, i can say we are rather close or in other words, i'm quite happy with the relationship except for the sex part.

somehow, i think there's lack of security in me then. cause he cheated me in the past, thus, i feel uptight about small little things in our relationship. sometimes, i do wonder why am i still with him.haha
Hmmm... a TRUST issue..... :rolleyes:

Well just do things to slowly build back the TRUST... or else you'll always be jumping at shadows.

Why u are still with him...simple... deep down u still can't let go....

anyway hope everything work out:D

[bangkoktonight]

and pls do not give lewd comments ya?

Hello, this is a sex forum.

[Blue_gal]

Hmmm... a TRUST issue..... :rolleyes:

Well just do things to slowly build back the TRUST... or else you'll always be jumping at shadows.

Why u are still with him...simple... deep down u still can't let go....

anyway hope everything work out:D

agree~

trust is 1 BIG part of the r/s....
it is not "build" in 1 day but DAYS after DAYS slowly in the heart ...

withOUT it your r/s is full of GUESSING gamesss...
in the end you will "END" the r/s sooner or later.....

Good LUck!

[fenni]

Another way... are you able to feel aroused when having sex ?? It may be you need more time and foreplay to arouse while your bf wants a quickie... seriously a lot of scernaios as u have provided quite sparse details.


yes this is true. cause he's not into foreplay at all and always wan to just jump into the main course. at the beginning of the r/s it was like a everyday kind of thing. but now years has passed and it becomes like once a week only. i can understand that the sex part wears off after some time of the r/s.

[fenni]

oh i missed out the how i know he's doing it when i'm away or im sleeping. cause i've caught him several times, even when i'm having breakfast, i saw the door close, so i just check it out. yeah.
i'm not a heavy sleeper, thus i do wake up sometimes in the middle of the night. he usually sleeps very very late, while i sleeps like 10 at nite, as im very tired from work.

[Optimus_Prime]

yes this is true. cause he's not into foreplay at all and always wan to just jump into the main course. at the beginning of the r/s it was like a everyday kind of thing. but now years has passed and it becomes like once a week only. i can understand that the sex part wears off after some time of the r/s.
Sounds like you guys are cohabiting... well again just my ASSUMPTIONS but the probelm could be the following:

U not aroused enuff so sex is maybe painful ?? or at the very least not as enjoying as he probably shof off just abt the same time u are starting toenjoy urself.

And to be frank, do u look forward to sex with him at all ?? Ur reactions to him initiating sex could be one reasons why he does "his own thing". Anyway the fault here I think lies in him as he totally skipped the foreplay part. (PASSION can only last so long... the rest of the intimacy u need plenty f time to build on it)

Ok... probably show him how proper foreplay can make your sessions better.

Remember when u gys just kissed and frenched all day... relive those days. Guide his hands to your sensitive bits... teach him how to carress... soft..hard...

U oso might want to do some foreplay as well.. when he wants to poke it in... u could push him back on the bed.. slowly straddle him and start kissing his neck and slowly run your tongue down to his nipples.. give them a good tongue-lashing.

And slowly kiss and lick your way south... u tease him w/o actually touching his groin areas... that should drive him wild....(Roleplay in your mind.... pretend u're a bad gal seducing him...)... and either give him a slow bj or proceed to fj... either way he should be begging u by now...

TRY it next time and see if SEX btw u guys improve. :D

[Thai Rak Thai]

I don't know whether he's telling the truth or he's just sick of me.
Just relax sis...you think too much. When a man doesn't love a woman, he will say it :)

[Optimus_Prime]

Just relax sis...you think too much. When a man doesn't love a woman, he will say it :)
unless he's those "chicken balls" type that rather the women initiate the break-up... then his "patterns" will appear... :p

[CheG]

The focus of everyone's reply so far seems more towards the sex issue. Don't you think that this is really a symptom rather than a cause?

I know this answer sounds like some new age psychology but since your seeking a few points of view and there are many details regarding your problem we do not know, another viewpoint won't hurt.

You said that he's cheated on you in the past. What exactly did he do? You see because of men's emotional makeup, for many men, sex is seen as a bodily function, climax has to be achieved just as often as pickign your nose or taking a dump. To me, cheating is when you develop feelings for the girl beyond just wanting to use her as a means to cum.

If your boyfriend, based on the definition above has actually cheated on you, then it is time to really examine your relationship and you reasons for staying together. For yourself, if you were truly honest with yourself, do you stay with him out of comfort and complacency? Because it may be that you have a problem with trust in your relationship because of incidents such as his cheating. Maybe as a result you cannot truly get comfortable and intimate with him. Something is holding you back. Personally, if someone cheats on me once, I cannot trust that person anymore because he/she will do it again. If the relationship has actually broken down irreparably on a fundamental level on your part. Maybe it's time to recognise that he's not the one for you. :o

[CheG]

To continue from my earlier post:

Many people actually stay trapped in a relationship out of fear of being alone again. You see it everywhere, maybe if you take a closer look at your friends and relatives you'll notice this too. If this applies to you, look at it this way, better to break off now and start afresh then to do this when you're married with 3 kids etc, 10-15 years down the road.

People always compromise by saying "oh but he's a decent guy, treats me nice and has stable job." These are secondary to the most important issue, are you happy to be with him and can you spend the rest of your life with him? Similarly is you bf still with you because he thinks this way?

At the same time as examining your feelings for your boyfriend and the relationship, look at your bf too. You said that he's not the type you can tell things directly to. So how do you communicate important issues with him? Is there no communication in your relationship? If youcan't talk to him directly to address problems that you have again you have to ask why you're with this chap.

I think ultimately your boyfriend's porn and masturbation thing is a small issue indicating bigger problems. Men surf porn all the time, women read silly romance books and gossip. Different strokes for different folks. Sometimes men like to masturbate because it's quick and easy. More important, it's all about the guy feeling good. He doesn't have to worry or feel obliged to make you feel good you see. He knows after many years practice exactly what to do and what feels good. It's like having your back scratched! If however, this becomes his focus and he'd rather do all this over spendign time with you, then he has a problem.

Despite what you said that your relationship is fine except for sex, unfortunately i don't believe it is. My conclusion is simple, it's everyting else in your relationship that has the problem and all these affect your sex life and your bf's behaviour.

Sorry for the long winded reply. I just hope this is helpful to you. :)

[fenni]

i agree that there are many issues resulting in that.
just spoken to him,asking him wat he would like to have n stuff. but when i tell him mine, he's totally uninterested and does nt wan to do aniting abt it. oh well. case closed. i give up.

[ToxicQueen]

Hey guys,
I know it's weird for a gal to post here. but just to gather some views.
caught my guy surfing this website :(
anyway, would u guys rather "do it yourself" than with ur partner?
cause everytime i'm asleep or i'm away, he will have his own "past time".
which i find annoying. n he tells me that it's way easier n less effort to do it himself!
any guys feel that way too? I don't know whether he's telling the truth or he's just sick of me.

and pls do not give lewd comments ya?
haha, i also found out this forum thru my ex. bf. i saw him surf this web, then i also join in the fun. :p

[Cntl_Alt_Del]

just spoken to him,asking him wat he would like to have n stuff. but when i tell him mine, he's totally uninterested and does nt wan to do aniting abt it. oh well. case closed. i give up.

Haiz... Sadly to say, its time to move on, fenni. There might be a better forest ahead of u. Stay +ve.. :)

CAD

[tara0901]

fenni,

I hope u don't mind a woman's point of view ;)

Ironically, the ex-bf whom i parted ways with (cos he cheated on me), introduced me to this website. The difference was, i did not chanced upon him surfing SBF. He told me abt it and we surfed together..explored other ways of having sex.

Guys are visual animals whereas women are emotionally-inclined (there're exceptions of cos).

My 2 cents' worth is : the issue here is not so much abt surfing such sites..more abt the insecurity and distrust u harbor since he cheated on u b4. U may be used to being together with him hence couldn't bear to leave tis r/s.

Time to do some thinking..the choice is urs.

take care dear..

[solidrock]

i agree that there are many issues resulting in that. just spoken to him,asking him wat he would like to have n stuff. but when i tell him mine, he's totally uninterested and does nt wan to do aniting abt it. oh well. case closed. i give up.
For a relationship to work, there must be mutual agreement in most areas. Most important of all, both must have a common expectation as to what they want out of the relationship. Where they want it headed. A common vision.

This is the big picture.

If this big picture is not even clear, forget about the details. The relationship will stagnate after a while. You'll find yourself going in circles.

Sex in a marriage, though important as a catalyst and an enhancer, is not everything. So if this aspect is not going too well, all is still not lost. Your mate is a whole person with various faculties, intellectual emotional, physical, etc. What the heck, he is not just one giant penis, you know. :D
-
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[Torch_Man]

To continue from my earlier post:

Many people actually stay trapped in a relationship out of fear of being alone again. You see it everywhere, maybe if you take a closer look at your friends and relatives you'll notice this too. If this applies to you, look at it this way, better to break off now and start afresh then to do this when you're married with 3 kids etc, 10-15 years down the road.

People always compromise by saying "oh but he's a decent guy, treats me nice and has stable job." These are secondary to the most important issue, are you happy to be with him and can you spend the rest of your life with him? Similarly is you bf still with you because he thinks this way?

Despite what you said that your relationship is fine except for sex, unfortunately i don't believe it is. My conclusion is simple, it's everyting else in your relationship that has the problem and all these affect your sex life and your bf's behaviour.
totally agree wif bro CheG

Relationship is an ongoing process,
communication & trust (so-called basic, so simple yet very few actually does) r very essential, truthful listening and honest speakin r needed to solve our differences & compromise.
hwever Our habit oso plays a part (eg: time spent wif tis partner 4 so long <3-8 yrs>, izzit so simply 2 really give in or actually give up) dat's y ter r so many, so many extra encounters (rangin from casual flirtin - ONS - serious divorce, etc) wif d opposite sex. we r all lookin 4 sumthing different from our actual partner.

WE LOOK OUTSIDE, RATHER THAN WITHIN OURSELVES.
WE CREATE PROBLEM (AFFAIRS), THAN RESOLVE WITH OUR PARTNERS.

my opinion:
Feelings/Emotions r sumtimes so confusing/happy/yet deadly at other times.
i've bin thru it, so i'm straightforward abt my wants/needs.

jz share views

[CheG]

i agree that there are many issues resulting in that.
just spoken to him,asking him wat he would like to have n stuff. but when i tell him mine, he's totally uninterested and does nt wan to do aniting abt it. oh well. case closed. i give up.

I hope asking him what he would like to have conversation wasn't regarding specific sexual acts to be performed! :p

On a more serious note, with a response like that, (and again, bros here don't have all the facts so we are making many assumptions here) the question of whether he truly cares about you and the relationship has to be asked.

I don't wish to advocate you breaking up with him but maybe the two of you really need to see a relationship counselor to work out exactly what feelings you have for each other and what each of you actually want out of the relationship. Sometimes, talking to each other directly is awkward and difficult. Maybe through a neutral party both of you can open up about your through feelings, desires and misgivings about the relationship.

I hope it works out for you. :)

[axor3333]

Looking like the heat is on. Let it cool down find sometime later and hv a good talk about it. Yourself hv to be cool first before u bring up the subject

Don't give up so easy

[SassySammy]

Sis Fenni, if u cant trust him as much as u did b4 he cheated on u, then dont waste each other's time. It seems that he doesn't open up much even after u've tried to improve on the sex aspect.

either u live with sex being a boring, negligible part of the r/s, take things slowly (who knows he might slowly open up), or jus move on.

It's hard to trust someone who have cheated on u before, but if u dont, jus like blue gal said, there will always be lots of question marks :confused: and it's tiring!!

take care babe, dont focus too much on him or u will be devastated if he disappoints u again. Spend more time on other things like family, frens or career!! Trust me, when u r busy with stuff, u wont have much time to suspect yr bf. :p

[solidrock]

Guys are visual animals whereas women are emotionally-inclined (there're exceptions of cos).
This is one of the major differences between guys and gals that is the cause of much misunderstanding.
.
.

[letsdoit29]

Hmmm.....u guys are really funny lor..hahhaa

[alvman]

Sis Fenni I would like to sit on the fence on your problem

My wife has found out about SBF through her spying but when I explain it to her she understood. Although she did suan me abit about me cheating on her on an inanimate object rather then a real woman (pathetic suan, and reverse psycology)

As for your BF wanking off on 'personal time'....I think it is ok but not to the extreme of an wanking addiction. Which in any case Docs always say that anything done in extreme is detrimental to one's health.

Yes! Communication and Trust are key factors......if he does not communicate, and is sooo (forgive my french) d**b A*s not to be tactical when wanking and is such a failure in cheating then He deserves to be DUMPED....

But then again......every bro deserves a chance and if we analyse he did nothing but wank which is a normal and healthy thing to do (not in excess)....surfing SBF has done wonders for my sex life with my wife!

I tell my bros and sis alike, in life we always have to make tough decisions some good some bad but WE still make the decisions and never regret them!

Hope it helps......sorry for being long winded tooo.....

Oh yes! If any bros and sis do zap me....pls let me know why and who are you...! Appreciate it ! Juz trying to share with sis fenni my experience.

[Deluxe8]

Fenni, is very common for guys to diy..just take it as a time off for them or me, to let the mindsoul do their own wonders but for my experience, i would try my best to keep this habit from my CO knowing, cos woman are complicate and will ask and dig and ask and dig...my poor ears will suffer, second to it cos I really treasure our r/s . if your bf is doing what I'm doing than is rather on the positive side but it since like he kinda act blur attitude which I think he hinting your something or getting sick...sort of. Try asking why don't you guys get marry and settle in for a baby. your destiny will reveal if you post him the questions. It maybe too straight forward but I think is effectives.Take care.