To hang on or to let go?

[onelustyboy]

hay guys...

Yes i know it may seem ridiculous to some of u guys here... or that tis Qs has been asked too many times..but i jus cant seem to get over it... would like to hear some of ur opinions.... pls don flame me. thanks in advance.

recently got to know tis ger.. it all started like any normal r/s.

after a couple of months together she told me that she had had quite a number of flings/ONS in the past. initially i was like.... "oh okie... no prob with that... its her past". frankly speaking, i had my fair share of fun too.

the thing is , i realised i had deep feelings for her now... and that somehow i begin to think abt her past... and that bothers me a lot. am kinda depressed now jus thinking abt it. worst thing is i cant stop it! its been almost a month... i lost my appetite. cant sleep well.. cant really work.reduced sex drive(yes!)tis is killing me..

now i am really thinking of letting her go(i know its the easy way out for me). but i realised she is a really nice ger and that she had done me no wrong. the thought of dumping her makes me feel very guilty. coz i know very well that she likes me a lot.(can tell she is crazy abt me)

Now i am really in a dilemma. i had gfs who had "colorful" past too but it din bother me at all last time. Y now do i feel n behave this way???

think i need to see a shrink (any good one to recommend?)real soon. sigh.

any bros here had similar experience n wanna share?

my apologies if i am in the wrong thread.sorry...

[arrdwolf_77]

hay guys...

Yes i know it may seem ridiculous to some of u guys here... or that tis Qs has been asked too many times..but i jus cant seem to get over it... would like to hear some of ur opinions.... pls don flame me. thanks in advance.

recently got to know tis ger.. it all started like any normal r/s.

after a couple of months together she told me that she had had quite a number of flings/ONS in the past. initially i was like.... "oh okie... no prob with that... its her past". frankly speaking, i had my fair share of fun too.

the thing is , i realised i had deep feelings for her now... and that somehow i begin to think abt her past... and that bothers me a lot. am kinda depressed now jus thinking abt it. worst thing is i cant stop it! its been almost a month... i lost my appetite. cant sleep well.. cant really work.reduced sex drive(yes!)tis is killing me..

now i am really thinking of letting her go(i know its the easy way out for me). but i realised she is a really nice ger and that she had done me no wrong. the thought of dumping her makes me feel very guilty. coz i know very well that she likes me a lot.(can tell she is crazy abt me)

Now i am really in a dilemma. i had gfs who had "colorful" past too but it din bother me at all last time. Y now do i feel n behave this way???

think i need to see a shrink (any good one to recommend?)real soon. sigh.

any bros here had similar experience n wanna share?

my apologies if i am in the wrong thread.sorry...
how old are u? how old is she? If u think u can convince her not to fling anymore, go ahead. If both of u are at the age of settling down ,then go ahead. IF not just wiat and see la. No hurry yet. U wannna dump her bcos u scare she play u out and hurt u la.

[ahpaul25]

Bro, whatever she went thru before, it's all in the past.......even I myself, got sure situation where she is a FL, would u accept her as her gf/wife? Anyway, now she like u, as only a gf, what yr worry? Do u like/love her? If yes, I think u don make yrself suffer, bcos now u gulity as u scare u fallen in love with her, that why u feel difference. :)

[warr]

if guys can have fling... why cant gals have... u like the person u love the person u don have to bother about her past... past is history present is u and her... and the future is the two of u... not the past.. ^^

[FreakyFrancis]

Why get so worried right now ?? She did those in the past mah and moreover she is crazy over u, why get so bothered ?? get let it go and carry on mah.
If u continue to get so tensed up, the more the r/s wun work lo.

I just broke up wif a gal that i love so much today..... the feeling is not sth that anyone would favour... so just treasure wat u have and forgive and forget. :o

[onion_rings]

IMHO if u can't get over her past...It's good to let her go...Ask yourself this question is this really what u want???Will u really be happy too??? She quite honest with her past to u...Cos she dun want to lie to u & think she love u deeply too...So what in the past if she's a loose woman...Dun think ur a good boy too rite???Past is past liao...Just move on...Why keep harping on it???Since u also have deep feeling for her den u will feels this way...

My story is a little difference from u...My ex cheated on me & the worst thing is that guy was my friend friends...Damn!!!She admitted to me after some time & promise she nvr do it again...I was devasted at that time...Just like u...But i didn't gave her any chance at all...So we broke up...To tell u the truth i felt lost & very lonely at that time...Luckily got some good buddy went thru the ordeal with me...Keep blaming myself since she's so honest why i can't handle the truth...Till now it din hurt so much...But i still think of her sometimes...

What im trying to say is...Since it was her past flings & ons...U should just move on & time will heal everything...Dun think too much give her a chance dude...Otherwise u might regret by letting her go...Best of wishes & luck to both of u...:)

[ahpaul25]

WHO DON HAVE A PAST! GET A LIFE,BRO!

[onion_rings]

WHO DON HAVE A PAST! GET A LIFE,BRO!
Bro ru refering to threadstarter or me...kekeke!!!:p :D

[wow69]

IMHO if u can't get over her past...It's good to let her go...I agree with Bro OR.

Imagine quarrelling with her, will you said something to upset her in the midst of some angry exchange? If yes, then u better let her go coz no point hurting each other tis way.

However, if your answer is no then I salute you coz not many ppl can do it.

Think abt it ;)

[ahpaul25]

Bro r u refering to threadstarter or me...kekeke!!! :D

Of Coz, to the threadstarter ......Hehehe :D

[onion_rings]

Of Coz, to the threadstarter ......Hehehe :D
Kekeke i also know...Just joking with u nia...:p

[onelustyboy]

Thank you all brudders.. really appreciate those kind comments.

to bro arrdwolf - i am 30 n she is in her early 20s. i guess she did those tins coz she was dumped by her EXs n she was devestated. also could be that she was really lonely that time. i realised she doesnt hv many fren thats y she is so dependant(sticky).looking at the way she teated me.. i am quite convinced she wont go back to her old ways again(finger crossed)settling down? not so soon i guess. too early. maybe u r rite... i jus din wan to get hurt by my ger.

to bro ahpaul - i dono how to answer ur qs. sorry. i got no answer for that.and yes.. think i had fallen sia. damn. n i din expect myself to behave tis way. i used to be so confident, now i get all paranoid over small tins. sigh.

to bro francis - actually i spoke to my ger liao n told her how i am feeling now. she said exactly the same tin as u .i am sorry abt wat happened to u today, hope u wl find happiness again.

to bro onion rings - i agree w u. don think i wl be happy either way. sigh.but seriously, there r moments when i really feel like throwing in the towel.(when my heart hurts a lot) but the thought of the way she looks at me each time make me wanna hang on a while more.n YES, i was never a good boy. flings, lover, ons , pros, watever. i tried it. guess i shouldnt find fault w any1 given my own behaviour.

to bro wow69 - no i wont say such tins to hurt her. usually i wl jus keep to myself. thats y i feel so terrible for tis 1 whole month. but she noticed it n asked me yesterday. i told her everytin. can tell she was rather hurt too.

i jus hope that i wl get over it real soon... never been depressed for such a long period.

[LED...]

I beg to differ views from some bros here........

Men are men.......its easy to "tell" your girl that you have a naughty past and lets move on cos you love her now..........Men expect the ger to suck it up easily and life goes on..........

But when the table turns.........when your ger "confess" that she have a naughty past:eek: .........tell me how would you feel dude........its in our blood manz........men tends to have difficulty to forgive esp when it concern sexual involvement.........even if you can forgive her but it will remain in your damn brain for a long long time ...........unless you love her so deep and your relationship turns out to be fine most of the time.........if not the past will reap you alive again and again and trust will be lost so does your feel for the other party.............

U need to be firm and have the will to carry on this relation if you do decide to walk this path with her............if not you better have some good consideration before both of you nose dive into a unstable spiral black hole.........

Hope its not too discouraging but just my point of view bro........

Take care and most importantly in life...........TO BE HAPPY

[siamcutey]

after a couple of months together she told me that she had had quite a number of flings/ONS in the past. initially i was like.... "oh okie... no prob with that... its her past". frankly speaking, i had my fair share of fun too.
...


One thing to say at the very least is this girl is very HONEST.

So why not u tell her your colourful history too to see whether she can accept you?

If she can accept you with your past, U will have found the answer to your this very question that you are asking us now.:D

If not, u can move on to find your next girl to be your life partner while she can also move on with life to find one who can accept her for what she is.


SC

[ToOvercum]

Hmmm,
I suppose my response would be slightly different form most of the bros here.
I'm quite sure some of ya would think it's a little too extreme; my 2 cents worth below:

1) Since she is capable of having flings/ONS, there is every possibility she can do it again. Imagine this, when she is offically together with you, and she "accidently" do what she had done, how would you feel?

The above is actually a good situation. Now imagine this: what if she is continuing having fun behind your back without u knowing it?


2) If you are really going to go steady with her, my suggestion to u is do not put in your 100%. If either situation in point 1 happens, the emotional set back ( and time wasted, and better girls who went by ), would be enourmous. This means the loss to you is extremly great.

3) It would be better to check out more about what she has done in the past in greater details. For eg, under what kind of situation did she had ONS or fling? For money? For fun ? Or is this simply part of her charactor?

4) This is probably one of the most important point here. When she told u about her past ( and perhaps tried to attract you ) , what is her motive behind this? Does she have anything to gain if you were to go steady with her? If there is any slightest form of benefits for her, please be on your guard.

If it is going to be beneficial for her ( perhaps you drive a car? Perhaps you are willing to spend $$$ on her? etc ), there is every reason to believe what she is doing is for her own good, not for your own good.


Yupz, my 4 points are as above, if there's a need to conclude, i would say : take it with a pinch of salt, and do not put in your 100%, as nothing is ever 100% confirmed.

Regards.

[Criminalz]

ok..my thinking is very bastard, but to me if you are not happy in the relationship then dun bother....move on...so many girls around.

[fatone]

Threadstarter, kinda confused. Are you looking for a girl to have fun with or you wanna long term relationship?

Analysis: Girl to have fun with = you want someone who you know enjoy sex and the company of men. Obviously your girl does so what is the problem?

Analysis: Long term relationship = you holding out for a virgin in this day and age? The most important thing about relationships is to be open; the most important asset is trust; the most important act you can do is to believe. So where are you on this matter? I think you and her have to answer these questions yourself and no point asking what other people feel as we don't know you or her.

You don't need professional help, you just need to admit to yourself what it is you are feeling and face it head on like a man. You are either afraid of getting hurt or just do not want to settle with anyone yet. Either way it is still very self centered so please grow up.

[hoseiboh88]

Now i knw why certain things/ matters better left unsaid! Ya, who got no past.... but some past is better b buried 4ever. Revealed liao... oso gt not much advantage anyway.

If its bothering u now... it may bothers u 4ever..... unless... u think ur love can bear all flaws! Leave if u reali had shaken, follow ur heart!

Read the posts by fellow broz.... impressive! Reali gd bunch of advices! Nw I knw who to turn to when need such kinda advices! Rock it gentlemen!!


Jus some of our own opinions, after all use ur own discretion.


Do take care :)

[yanki1]

who dun have pass. think it this way. if your gf start to kpkb u about your pass, eg, u go geylang during your NS days but has stopped since. she cannot forget the facts. what will u do? how will u feel? girls this days, i mean mostly, u cannot expect a virgin. she might be playful and curious then and or u have said, might be depress when she broke up with her ex.

when together, try to think of the happi moments together and the most important thing is, she has stopped her ways of things. i mean those flings and ONS.;)

[garem]

[QUOTE=onelustyboy]
the thing is , i realised i had deep feelings for her now... and that somehow i begin to think abt her past... and that bothers me a lot. am kinda depressed now jus thinking abt it. worst thing is i cant stop it! its been almost a month... i lost my appetite. cant sleep well.. cant really work.reduced sex drive(yes!)tis is killing me..

If it bother you a lot now..it will bother more in future..and since it also coz you to reduced sex drive(which is kiiling you). Move on lah...

[big dick]

if u love her... hang on...:p
if u wan her jus for sex... hang on for a while and then let go...:D

bro.. seriously now.. if u really love someone, u should not mind her past.. all of us here got a past and a dark side...if u think u can be happy with her , then hang on with all your might...

jus my two cents worth

[padms]

Ask yourself these questions in the following order.

Why do you like this girl?

Are the reasons that you like her the same reasons she is who she is today because of the choices she made.

Or will a girl who has no history like you, the kind of girl who will attract you?

These days girls have as much freedom in the social game as much as guys. If you are after the SYT who is a guai type ... or if you don't believe in being fair - that is you can do it but she can't, then you better off finding someone else and set her free. Be cruel to be kind.

But if you like her precisely because she is who she is today cos of all her experiences, then tahan and learn to accept her. Pain is temporary but giving up on her is almost a permanent choice.

Hope this helps...

[mojoz]

hay guys...

Yes i know it may seem ridiculous to some of u guys here... or that tis Qs has been asked too many times..but i jus cant seem to get over it... would like to hear some of ur opinions.... pls don flame me. thanks in advance.

recently got to know tis ger.. it all started like any normal r/s.

after a couple of months together she told me that she had had quite a number of flings/ONS in the past. initially i was like.... "oh okie... no prob with that... its her past". frankly speaking, i had my fair share of fun too.

the thing is , i realised i had deep feelings for her now... and that somehow i begin to think abt her past... and that bothers me a lot. am kinda depressed now jus thinking abt it. worst thing is i cant stop it! its been almost a month... i lost my appetite. cant sleep well.. cant really work.reduced sex drive(yes!)tis is killing me..

now i am really thinking of letting her go(i know its the easy way out for me). but i realised she is a really nice ger and that she had done me no wrong. the thought of dumping her makes me feel very guilty. coz i know very well that she likes me a lot.(can tell she is crazy abt me)

Now i am really in a dilemma. i had gfs who had "colorful" past too but it din bother me at all last time. Y now do i feel n behave this way???

think i need to see a shrink (any good one to recommend?)real soon. sigh.

any bros here had similar experience n wanna share?

my apologies if i am in the wrong thread.sorry...

Bro...

I had been through this last year. I had chosen to give both me and my ex a chance to try things out since i was made believe things will be better. Guess what happen? It was her parents who told me that she was still having some affairs. I was devastated to learn the truth after so much effort has been put into the r/s? I remembered on the day when we broken off, i ask her why is she doing that behind my back? You wanna know the answer? Hahaha... She just told me she met me at the wrong time, i was 32 and she was 25. She still wanna have fun.
Bro, my situation is almost similar to yours, so i can feel your pain. I learn it the hard way, and hope anyone out there will have the same experince like mine... Lesson Learn: A leopard will not change it's spots... Just my 2 cent worth of advice. Hope you'd made a choice that you will not regret...

[SassySammy]

bro can somewhat relate to yr case. one word of advice: dont ask/be curious about her past. i've made this mistake twice in my 3 relationships. trust me, when u know too much abt someone's past, paranoia will set in and get u. Cos u will tend to compare alot n get emo/pissed easily.

Ignorance is bliss :p

Must have a pure heart (let go of her/yr past) when u go into a new relationship cos it's a new beginning. :D

[donjean]

just my own thought.......how both of you started? i mean, both of you started with the fling r/s or just as a f/s then develope to lover?
i think u should appreciate your gal to be transparent to u....
such situation like making out with ex-bf or ex-bfss is common but for a girl to express her past fling/ons is courage....

as some bros here mentioned, she might do the same in the future...
how to u prevent this? u gotto really seriusly to talk with her....

good luck man!!

[SharkMan]

...why not u tell her your colourful history too to see whether she can accept you?

If she can accept you with your past, U will have found the answer to your this very question that you are asking us now.:D ...
SC

Bro SC, that's exactly my sentiments too!:)

[SharkMan]

At the end of the day, I feel trust is the most important thing. My current gf knew about my cheonging days at the very early part of our relationship. In a way, I was glad that she knew about it, and that I've nothing to hide. Although she was upset about it, but it was all in the pass. Everyone has a pass, even she has "passes".. but we both accept each other, and move on.

Now what matters most is both our future, the future which we want to have together. The future is what counts.

:)

[onion_rings]

Thank you all brudders.. really appreciate those kind comments.


to bro onion rings - i agree w u. don think i wl be happy either way. sigh.but seriously, there r moments when i really feel like throwing in the towel.(when my heart hurts a lot) but the thought of the way she looks at me each time make me wanna hang on a while more.n YES, i was never a good boy. flings, lover, ons , pros, watever. i tried it. guess i shouldnt find fault w any1 given my own behaviour.

Yeah man i have learnt my lesson well...It's ok & allrite cos experience will come in handy...So happen if i have met in this kind of situaction again like u...Will tell myself no prob just carry on...But like what other bro comment "ignorance is bliss"...So i will not want to know her past too much & if so happen she wanted to know my past will just tell her a beautiful white lies...U know girls lah...Mouth say nevermind but in her heart vice versa...:D

[beck7777]

all i feel is do what u think is right but dont let it affect your daily life..

[ozzy888]

IT IS how she treats you and makes you feel "good" that is important my friend. Ever had that "Good" feeling when you are in love ? if that someone can ignite that chemistry then why worry about the past......
my little advise thank you .

[Castrol]

now i am really thinking of letting her go(i know its the easy way out for me). but i realised she is a really nice ger and that she had done me no wrong. the thought of dumping her makes me feel very guilty. coz i know very well that she likes me a lot.(can tell she is crazy abt me)

...

dont know why nowadays got so many threads with the same old questions asking - should i bonk her or not? should i dump her or not? should i continue with her or not?

all machum like real but mostly no conclusion at all. just to siow kian everybody, or take everybody lai siow kian? :D

[beck7777]

dont know why nowadays got so many threads with the same old questions asking - should i bonk her or not? should i dump her or not? should i continue with her or not?

all machum like real but mostly no conclusion at all. just to siow kian everybody, or take everybody lai siow kian? :D

bro castrol, even if siao kian only oso nvm lah..
just a topic for us to TCSS..
just give the threadstarter benifit of the doubt.. :)

[SittingBull]

One thing to say at the very least is this girl is very HONEST.

So why not u tell her your colourful history too to see whether she can accept you?

If she can accept you with your past, U will have found the answer to your this very question that you are asking us now.:D

If not, u can move on to find your next girl to be your life partner while she can also move on with life to find one who can accept her for what she is.


SC



I totally agree with Bro SiamCutey.. You should come clean with your past, and see if she is cool with it. If she is, then i think you are really in no position to complain. If i can be brutally honest, my stand is if you fool around and has very loose morals, then you are in NO POSITION to judge her or even criticise her. I myself is a bit more sensitive, as in i do mind my gf's past, and i will feel upset if she has a very philandering past, and would rather give her up, than get bothered and upset for the rest of my life. That is why, i don't fool around, and likewise hope that my better half is just like me... I'm not trying to criticise any bros here, cos guys will be guys, and have their urges and needs, but just that it takes two hands to clap, and i think its important we don't complain through our tinted glasses, when in actually fact, both are cut from the same cloth.

[Castrol]

bro castrol, even if siao kian only oso nvm lah..
just a topic for us to TCSS..
just give the threadstarter benifit of the doubt.. :)

ok la bro you're right. let me also add some humble advice for threadstarter bro. eh... if you really have to break off with her, better do it after the world cup. becos next month we may not even have time to call FL hor. :D

[nemesis07]

My story is a little difference from u...My ex cheated on me & the worst thing is that guy was my friend friends...Damn!!!She admitted to me after some time & promise she nvr do it again...I was devasted at that time...Just like u...But i didn't gave her any chance at all...So we broke up...To tell u the truth i felt lost & very lonely at that time...Luckily got some good buddy went thru the ordeal with me...Keep blaming myself since she's so honest why i can't handle the truth...Till now it din hurt so much...But i still think of her sometimes...

What im trying to say is...Since it was her past flings & ons...U should just move on & time will heal everything...Dun think too much give her a chance dude...Otherwise u might regret by letting her go...Best of wishes & luck to both of u...:)

My story is kind of similar to you. But i do not know that guy. It was her colleague. Recently she came back to me after the guy dumped her. Unlike you, i have decided to give her a chance becos i believe everyone deserves a second chance. Initally, I doubted her a lot. It is becos that guy dumped her then she come back. not becos she dumped that guy to come back to me... She rebuked saying that she can jolly well go for someone else much better than me...its becos she realised that she still loves me and she realised that she made a mistake..thats why she came back..I have to agree...she has the looks... she can go for anyone she fancy. Me? i am a poor pauper on the brink of bankruptcy.

It has been three months since she came back. she assisted me financially at times. however.. she has forbided me to meet her parents.. her friends.. and even when she goes out with her colleagues or friends.. i am not allowed to join in. It was such a different case when she was with that guy (who dumped her). She readily show him to her world within weeks... Whatever the guy wants her to do, she give in. Whatever thing i want her to do, we will quarrel...In layman's term, we call it ... DOUBLE STANDARD...

Recently, her granny passed away.. i am not even allowed to pay my due respect and give white gold. Why? she didn't say much.. but i highly suspect that she do not want to show me to her relatives as well. To put it simply, ever since she came back.. she do not want to give me a status. Whenever we quarrel over this, she will always tell me.. time will tell or give her some more time. Whenever i wanted to let her go, she will try all means to find me back. The most ridiculous one was when i secretly changed my hp no to run away... she went all the way to starhub to trace back my number.. somehow she found it.... She can't give me a status and yet she don't want to let me go. I don't know what she is doing.

My gut feel is that she is merely lonely...and she is making use of me. and perhaps she is still waiting for that jerk to patch up with her... or she is waiting for another new target to come.. I still don't understand... she has plenty of eligible bachelors around her.. yet she dun want to choose them now.. but she rather cling on to me.. but she dun want to give me a status. I admit i am rather hopeless now... my biz has failed and i have incurred quite a big sum of debt... perhaps.. she is that materialistic enough to judge me by that. Money over love.

It has been a few days since i contacted her. Her granny's funeral should be over by now or soon.. i dunno. Silent break is something i have never tried. Hope this time it works.

So this is what happened to me when i decided to give her a chance. But i guess from the start, i should have been like you... should have told her NO.

[siamcutey]

My story is kind of similar to you.

It has been three months since she came back. she assisted me financially at times. however.. she has forbided me to meet her parents.. her friends..

Aiya because if she loves you, she will show you to her parents.

If you just have a fling with a girl, would you want to intro the fling to your folks at home or not? Same theory.

SO u should now know where u stand.

Always have this mentality.
If you are conned one time, learn from it. No one to blame. U get a lesson learnt.
If you get conned by the same person a 2nd time, u are just plain stupid.:cool:


SC