Blessing in Disguised ??? (true life account)

[alvinchan7]

Well ... recently I had a rough road in my life ...

Being unfaithful to my wife for so many years ... and up to only recently .. I was being discovered by her ... due to my careless mistake of leaving some of my personal XXX rated photos with my fling ....

She made a big Hoo Haa ... and went straight to the court the next day with her new found evidence .. and filed for a divorse ... I was totally shaken at her actions .... not even willing me to ask for forgiveness ....

Well ... I was in a deep depression .... and I fear the worst for the custody of my kids ....

Days passed ... and slowly ... the tide got turned ... when my maid finally confessed to me that my wife has also been bringing her lover back to my home ... so .... I was .. like .. WHAT THE F**K ....

What goes around ... comes around ... I was out flirting ... and she also am doing it behind my back ... so that make it square for us .... but I really feel betrayed by her ... becos she kept denying all the way .. when I asked about it ... she say that I dun have proves .. blah blah blah ...

So I made up a story ... and play staged conversations ... to pretend that I have hired a PI ... all along .. and that is when she finally admitted to the acts ...

Anyway ... long story cut short ..... now she is feeling very guilty for cheating me for so many years .... (she dun know that I have also been playing outside for many years ...) I have already told her that I wanted to divorse her ... as I cannot live with her feeling and thinking that she has been cheating behind me and without feeling any guilt. She is still seeing that lover of hers ... and I know that both of them like each other .... that is why I want to be separated with her ... and we have made plans for the kids ... so everything is very much settled ...

However ... recently ... she has been very nice to me .... as if she wanted to patched things up with me ... but in my heart .. that's no way that she can ever win my heart back ... becos I have already another lover outside ...

Just a few days ago ... she caught me calling my lover .. and she feel jealous .. and took my hp while I am asleep .. and she called my lover secretly ...

I found out ... becos my lover told me ... and I had a tiff with her again .... and we again ended up ... very much hatred ... but like usual ... we calmed down ... and we talked things out ... and she agreed to set me free .... becos I told her that I already set her free to see her lover .. why can't she set me free .... and she finally agreed ....

Now ... at present ... my soon to be ex-wife is still treating me so nice ... like wanting me back ... and also ... my lover treats me so nice ... and she understand why my wife treats me nice .... and she dun mind about it ...
So .. I am like having two wives .. at the current moment .... hahaha ...

Do you all think that it is a blessing in disguise ?

Anyway ... all this will have to end someday ... when we officially sign the paper ... I will want to live separated from my ex-wife ... for now .. she is still struggling to find a place to stay ... that is why I let her stay in my house ...

Alright ... that's it for my account ...

Cheers,
Alvin

[Shuang_Jie_Gun]

whether is it a blessing in disguise will depends on how u wanna look at it.what matters most is so long both parties are happy with the final outcome n the kids are well taken care of.All the best to u bro.

[tellmiwhy]

bro...all the best to u and may u find ur new happiness. hope everyting goes well especialli for ur kids.

cheers. :)

[hubber26]

I had a feeling thats truly a blessing in disguise.

Imagine that what if your "soon to be ex-wife" never discovered your "special" photo of yours and this goes on and on for years until you took your secret to your grave?

I had a funny feeling like why your wife still treat you so nice since you both had file for divorce (I presume.). Could she has some hidden agenda or something like:

Getting closed to you and checking you out whether you had proves of her having flings which you dun have.

Getting you soft heart so that you be more generous in alimony and custody issues.

Getting to win your heart back while her fling had ditch her.

Any case, i had frens whom were divorce or divorcees. They couldn't rest or had any peace of mind until the divorce is fully settle, even thou it settle,d the link between you and your ex-wife (the kids) will forever be there.

I admit that I'm having flings while already married. Given an option like yours, I would quickly settle the divorce and less interaction for me and my wife since this will hurt both or all parties more e.g. your lover got called from wife etc...

But of course Its gentlemenly for us guys to allow ex-wife to stay in our place since they got no place available yet. Well, bro, i hope your episode of this will ends well and good luck! :rolleyes:

[cantona66]

Bro, I'm sorry to hear about your problems. I've been there and done the whole divorce thing. My views are coloured by my own personal experience. So, when I say that there's no such thing as a blessing in disguise, my view is based on what I went through. Your soon-to-be ex-wife is nice to you because she wants something from you. Right now, it's a roof over her head. Later, it may be money in terms of maintenance and division of assets. If the "soft" approach doesn't work on you, she will resort to "threats" and if she gets a lawyer who is prepared to do her bidding, you may find yourself in a living nightmare.

[84gunner]

well, wat I would say is, I believe most SG women have some agenda for being so nice. Look, she was nasty, aggressive, not negotiable, wanting to pursue all the way till she can "whack" u to the worst possible, until u confronted her back wif her unfaithfulness too (your chips).

then she suddenly become so nice? It would be hard 4 me to believe there is no agenda behind at all.

watever the agenda, it's for her to know, for anybody else to find out. Well until the time comes, then u may really know the agenda. It can be anything, hoping to reconcile (probably ditched by her lover), your generosity in alimony, splitting of matrimonial assets, cooperation in divorce proceedings, need your help somewhere, anything, it can be anything.

But if she truly wants to reconcile, I believe at this point, there is nothing to be shy or hold back but have a good talk wif u to discuss the possibilities of it.

juz my 2 cents worth of opinion.

[alvinchan7]

Well ... I will take note of all the negative comments .. and it will surely help me to safe guard myself from the potential upcoming events in my life ....

Watever the case is ... I know my wife is a dangerous woman ... so that is why I am feeling so lucky that she have changed to show me all the pampering .. etc ... but we never have sex anymore .... just showing me care and concern which she have forgotten in the past years ...

I will keep you guys updated ... as I go on with the divorse ...

I too .. wanted to get the divorse done as soon as possible ... I dun like to delay .. but my wife is the one who filed for the divorse .. so I will have to wait for her lawyer ... to take action ...

Cheers,
Alvin

[Disgusted]

Blessing in Disguise???!!! You children will soon be part of a broken family!You shouldn't have been unfaithful and the same goes for your wife. 2 Wrongs don't make a right. It's too late now, You better devote the rest of your life to your kids and your new love and not make the mistake of being unfaithful again, also it what happened once can also happen again, hopefully your new partner can stay faithful to you. Not in bleesing in disguise! Learn from your mistakes...

[Kyser Soze]

Bro Alvin,

Hope you get over this bad chapter of life. All you need now is to think things over. Cheers. :D

[alvinchan7]

Blessing in Disguise???!!! You children will soon be part of a broken family!You shouldn't have been unfaithful and the same goes for your wife. 2 Wrongs don't make a right. It's too late now, You better devote the rest of your life to your kids and your new love and not make the mistake of being unfaithful again, also it what happened once can also happen again, hopefully your new partner can stay faithful to you. Not in bleesing in disguise! Learn from your mistakes...


Nice nick ... and I know it also reflected your attitude towards me ...

I dun blame you ... and I do feel guilty that my marriage have to fall apart ... and I am worried for my kids future .... but they will be fine ... as I know I am a good father ... I never ill treat them ... or shout verbal accuse to them .. unlike my wife ....

I am saying that this is a blessing in disguise becos ... if she has never found out my photos ... I will also be kept in the dark about her affair ...
It's the incident of the photo that made my maid feel guilty and that is why she told me the whole story of my wife bring her lover back home ...

Alright .. thanks to all bros for your valuable inputs ..

Cheers,
ALvin

[Shuang_Jie_Gun]

in such situations,the most innocent parties would definitely be the kids,they will be deprived of a happy family and that may inaccidentally leave an emotional scar within them.

[LeDivorcee]

Been there done that. I would suggest that you get hold of evidence so that it can be presented in the court. If you have no evidence, you will lose your case no matter what you say or do.

Avoid falling into her honey trap. She obviously have some agenda behind it. You did not mentioned anything about her lover so I take it that most probably she is still in touch with him. Grad everything as soon as you can, catch them in bed if possible with pictures and if possible video. Spy cams now are cheap to purchase, or better still, get a reputable PI to investigate.

Nowadays, not all cases goes to the female side as long as we have evidence to back our claims. Afterall, a lot of bros and sisters are playing around outside, it is just that see who gets caught first.

Another thing is transfer all your savings into a joint name with your parents. The court cannot touch any assets that are not under yours or your soon to be ex wife name. As long as it is shared by your next of kin besides your kids and wife, the court cannot force you to give that up.

[ProjectSawadee]

...So .. I am like having two wives .. at the current moment .... hahaha ...

Do you all think that it is a blessing in disguise ?


hehe bro, well one thing that is more important now is, bro you need to be loaded with $$$$$$. honestly, i see a real life example of your story, happening right infront of me... and the bottom line is, if a man have $$$ nothing else matters.

cheers
PS

[thomas88]

get hold of evidence so that it can be presented in the court. If you have no evidence, you will lose your case no matter what you say or do.
another thing is transfer all your savings into a joint name with your parents. The court cannot touch ...
Fully agrees on the fact that you need concrete evidence in court to prove her infidelity, unless both of you file for divorce reason being both no longer have love for one another thus can no longer be together.

Regarding transfering......I don't think it'll work as the court will still check on when the transfer took effect whereby your wife can contest the money.

I feel sad for the twist of your marriage.....:(

[vfv_slr]

Hi Bro Alvin,

Your wife is good to you even after she found out ur affair, even she has been cheating on you before she know ur affair, even after she has file for divorce to be wif her lover???:confused:
When u mean good to you, does that include having sex wif you still? If not how can u consider like still having 2 wives??

You sure you are in a clear mind? Hehe, no offence, just getting confused when I read your threads!:p

[Scrubber]

So far, what have been mentioned by bros are about your assets, your divorce proceedings and other matters. However, I think you should consider the future of your kids too. Not that I'm right to comment how you should handle this case, but I, for one, am a lover of children. I think you should, in whatever decision you make, consider the best for your children. They are, after all, the innocent party in this case. Hope that make sense to you. (If not dollars :p)

[alvinchan7]

Alright .... I feel very gratified by all the bros who give me their advise ...

First of all ... I must say ...

1. My kids are my TOP PRIORITY !!!
2. My assets are nothing to me .... becos I dun have much ...
3. She filed for divorse with ground of my infidelity ... but when I told her I have mine on her too ... she agree to settle this peacefully ... so we're going to file for a divorse saying that we can no longer be together ...
4. I feel blessed in disguise becos of this thing happening ... finally I find out the truth ...
5. I feel happy for having nice treatment from both my soon-to-be-ex-wife ... and my current gf ... (sex is not in the picture to make me happy)


Few question for those experience bros ...
1. If I dun have physical evidence ... well actually have photos of her and him hugging only ... but no naked ... will it be any help ?
2. Will I be able to call upon witnesses .. to testify her infidelity ? I have more then enough witnesses to prove her guilty ....

Alright ... that's all ... hope my question can be answered ...professionally ... ;)

Cheers,
Alvin

[thomas88]

2. Will I be able to call upon witnesses .. to testify her infidelity ? I have more then enough witnesses to prove her guilty ...

Cheers,
Alvin
You don't need any prove of them naked but a good witness like a PI who'll testifies they did commit adultery(photos showing them entering a hotel room etc.).

Anyway, you've a very good witness(your maid). But that's provided she's willing to testify in court of which most maids are afraid of.

Wish you both a smooth proceeding and please show more loves for your kids so as to soften the impact they're going to face. :o

[LeDivorcee]

To answer your questions...

You need evidence of actual infidelity in order to fight it out in the court. Don't think that just because she wanted to settle peacefully means she will do that. Even she wants to do that, her lawyer might not be as trusting on your words that you have evidence. You will be forced to produce them upon the request of the court.

As what thomas88 has mentioned, a PI is a good witness. With pictures to back him up would make your case iron-clad. At the very least, the court may dismiss the whole case and ask both of you to settle it out of court or just between the lawyers. The maid would not prove to be a reliable witness as there are many cases where evidence based on the maid's recounting of the events were dismissed.

As the saying goes, a picture speaks a thousand words. If your picture only shows them hugging, but not kissing, it may not be enough. The best is to catch both of them in the act or at the very least, showing holding hands and checking into the same room.

Last of all, your children should be made to understand what is happening so that they can form their own decision. Some cases, the final decision made by the judge are based on the account of the children. If you are fighting for their custody, you must be a model father.

[alvinchan7]

Thanks for the great answers ...

She only have photos of me half naked with the girl ... and the girl is with a bra ... so does that means .. anything ? Will it be enough to prove my infidelity ?

I have her photo with that guy cheek to cheek .. and holding very closely to each other .. so is it able to prove anything ?

As for the maid ... yes .. she is willing to stand on my ground ... but well .. I am just afraid that the judge will not believe her and her lawyer can just say that I am teaching her to say all these ... but I also have other witness ... so .. if they want .. I will bring the whole family of witnesses ...

No .. I didn't engage in PI .. so .... there's no PI to stand on my side ...

Lastly ... my elder son is very closed to me .. and he in K1 .. and he knows ... more or less what is happening .... and when asked to go with ... he will say .. he never like his mum and will go to me ...
Even the younger one also very close to me ... just that he dun know how to speak ... so ... I dunno ....

Well ... it's still in the initial stage ... have to wait and see how things roll out ...


Thanks for all the advise ...

Cheers,
Alvin

[hubber26]

Bro AlvinChan,

I empathise you. I hope all things turn out well for you and your family. Cheer up and look on the bright side that you are not the only case in reality and plus you had a supporting lovely gf with you and most importantly that she is willing to treat your kids well even if one day she became Mrs Chan or something. Jia You!

[rossi46]

Bro Alvin,

Could you post the pics here? :D

[LeDivorcee]

Bro Alvin,

Could you post the pics here? :D

Hello... That is very insensitive of you bro!!! :mad:

[Castrol]

Days passed ... and slowly ... the tide got turned ... when my maid finally confessed to me that my wife has also been bringing her lover back to my home ... so .... I was .. like .. WHAT THE F**K ....



wife dared to bring lover home? maid at home somemore?

is this really happening? :confused:

[gilagila100]

Bro ...

Careful hor ...
Lets put it this way ... if its ur fren who is normally very nasty to u suddenly become very nice wldn't u be suspicious ??

She has a hidden agenda and under such circumstances, better have the necessary stuff i.e. the PI, photos n etc etc prepared .. n u better not let ur wife get access to them or knw how much u knw or dunnoe .. otherwise U will see a 180 degree abt turn from her .. whn tat happen, may God help u ...

N to play safe, kick her out of the hse ... y keep a cobra tat might bite u at home ??

For the righteous ones reading this post, yeah yeah I knw both sides are guilty, I think nobody here wld disagree wif tat ... but someone tat can blackmail his/her spouse the way his wife did does not deserve any respect at all ... basically she is a scheming fox ... n I honestly think our bro deserves n nd to protect himself ...

[Disgusted]

Nice nick ... and I know it also reflected your attitude towards me ...

I dun blame you ... and I do feel guilty that my marriage have to fall apart ... and I am worried for my kids future .... but they will be fine ... as I know I am a good father ... I never ill treat them ... or shout verbal accuse to them .. unlike my wife ....

I am saying that this is a blessing in disguise becos ... if she has never found out my photos ... I will also be kept in the dark about her affair ...
It's the incident of the photo that made my maid feel guilty and that is why she told me the whole story of my wife bring her lover back home ...

Alright .. thanks to all bros for your valuable inputs ..

Cheers,
ALvin

I hold nothing against you, I myself come from a broken family where my dad cheated on my mum. BUT, he did learn his lesson and still loves me and his devotes his life to the kids he had with his new wife. I just want to say that everyone makes mistakes, it's just really important that we learn from them...

[peterparker89]

Blessing in Disguise???!!! You children will soon be part of a broken family!You shouldn't have been unfaithful and the same goes for your wife. 2 Wrongs don't make a right. It's too late now, You better devote the rest of your life to your kids and your new love and not make the mistake of being unfaithful again, also it what happened once can also happen again, hopefully your new partner can stay faithful to you. Not in bleesing in disguise! Learn from your mistakes...

Dear Disgusted,

I read thru both your posts. I am uncomfortable with your above post.
Are you married?
Do you have kids?
Why do you come in here and preach in a Holier than thou manner. Read thru your words and you will see yourself instructing threadstarter to do this, don't do that. Why?
Yes, the children may ultimately be part of a broken family. Does it mean that they will grow up less loved? Does it mean they will not be getting the best out of life? Do you really know what will happen? Give advise if you want to, don't instruct. You can never know what will happen between 2 people if you are not one of them. Life is unpredictable.

I know you are not the only person in here that has a bad childhood or comes from a broken family. But the quality of our life depends on how we live it. There's no instruction manual for Life.

I have to give my 2 cents worth just as you had to comment on this issue. I really couldn't get over the way you posted.


p.s. Will you be able to remain Faithful for the length of your married life?

[covenn]

Dear Disgusted,

I read thru both your posts. I am uncomfortable with your above post.
Are you married?
Do you have kids?
Why do you come in here and preach in a Holier than thou manner. Read thru your words and you will see yourself instructing threadstarter to do this, don't do that. Why?
Yes, the children may ultimately be part of a broken family. Does it mean that they will grow up less loved? Does it mean they will not be getting the best out of life? Do you really know what will happen? Give advise if you want to, don't instruct. You can never know what will happen between 2 people if you are not one of them. Life is unpredictable.

I know you are not the only person in here that has a bad childhood or comes from a broken family. But the quality of our life depends on how we live it. There's no instruction manual for Life.

I have to give my 2 cents worth just as you had to comment on this issue. I really couldn't get over the way you posted.


p.s. Will you be able to remain Faithful for the length of your married life?

bro i beg to differ. in fact i dun see anythin wrong wif bro Disgusted's posts. sometimes its juz a figure of speech like how we say 'u better take care ar', 'u better work hard' to a fren. not exactly givin instructions. so i think u probably dun haf to read too much into it. anywaz wat Disgusted said makes a lot of sense to me. a piece of good advice i would say. not juz for alvinchan but oso us.

[84gunner]

brudders, I noticed from the way the words / comments are phrased in the postings, I believe Disgusted is not a brudder, but a sista! see, the postings is speaking more from a female point of view, while the majority of members here are guys, therefore majority are "siding" and advicing brudder alvinchan from a man's point of view.

brudder alvinchan, whichever way u choose 2 handle this family dispute, firstly, I wish u best of luck, may u be successful in all the judgements to your favour.

next, remember the saying: 防人之心不可无！So be careful, remember to protect yourself, especially SGP law is biased, it is not favourable to men, SGP law stands on the female side, until & unless the evidences clearly & obviously shows otherwise...

1 of the speculation why your wife is suddenly so nice to u, but that is purely my speculation, I may not be correct (the true answer is anybody's guess now, until the time comes), is tat she wanna soften your heart, so u wont accumulate too much anger / unhappiness & whack her back fiercely in court if there is gonna be quite some debate in court. She may oso be making u live comfortably (shiok shiok, enjoy life) in your comfort zone now, make u relax, instead of letting you put in more effort to get more evidence against her, or more prepared for the fight in court, then suddenly, wham!!!

while making u happy, enjoy life now, she may possibly be making some preparations behind, for something u may totally be unprepared for!!!

[Disgusted]

brudders, I noticed from the way the words / comments are phrased in the postings, I believe Disgusted is not a brudder, but a sista! see, the postings is speaking more from a female point of view, while the majority of members here are guys, therefore majority are "siding" and advicing brudder alvinchan from a man's point of view.

Ha Ha, no lah, I'm a guy... I've just been hurt by people that I have loved or still love, and have also hurt other people's feelings myself. I may forgive but will NEVER forget when prople have wronged me, but most importantly make sure I don't follow in their footsteps. I can't afford to be an ass an lose my gf if I think she is the one right? I have to treasure her right? If I have children in future, they should be the most important part of my life right? My father made a mistake and it hurt me when I was younger, I'm now 31 and I can still feel his love for me, my mum is still angry with him, but she loves me and can still speak to him when it concerns me. So just because they divorced eachother, they never made me feel unwanted and I always had my mother and father nearby.

I also don't get Peterparker, I did not say that I felt I was a better person than Alvin, neither did I say that he was scum. I was just suggesting how to focus and carry on a NEW life which is no longer about himself, but about his children... If Bro Alvin felt that I was trying to say I am an angel and he is going to hell, I certainly did not mean that.

[peterparker89]

I also don't get Peterparker, I did not say that I felt I was a better person than Alvin, neither did I say that he was scum. I was just suggesting how to focus and carry on a NEW life which is no longer about himself, but about his children... If Bro Alvin felt that I was trying to say I am an angel and he is going to hell, I certainly did not mean that.

Dear Disgusted,

Firstly, I did not post on behalf of threadstarter, neither do I know him. So pls don't have the above assumption about scum, angels & hell.

Secondly, like you(I am assuming here), I was just trying to get something off my chest. When you read Bro Alvinchan's post, you felt you needed to respond to it. I had the same feeling reading your post.

I have said my peace. If you felt offended by my post, I Apologise.

Otherwise, Cheers. And enjoy your weekend.

pp89

[mocha33]

Hey all bro`s !! every one peace. guess all us in here looking for entertaiment and pass time happily, maybe hopping to get some lobangs too, so guess we just give and takes la., no point gets piss off here, everyone happy here , makes sammyboy forum a better place and gives ppl a better reason to log in and contribute , then all of us all also gain .
peace peace peace!! HEY!! don`t zap me again huh, no point liao lor :D

[Disgusted]

Hey all bro`s !! every one peace. guess all us in here looking for entertaiment and pass time happily, maybe hopping to get some lobangs too, so guess we just give and takes la., no point gets piss off here, everyone happy here , makes sammyboy forum a better place and gives ppl a better reason to log in and contribute , then all of us all also gain .
peace peace peace!! HEY!! don`t zap me again huh, no point liao lor :D

Ha Ha... How to zap?! We both no power lah... Not that I would have zapped you if I did...:p

[alvinchan7]

Thanks to all Bros for all your invaluable advise.

Life is like a roller coaster ... always going up and down .. winding here and there ....

For some who dun like my story is real ... I have no need to prove ... I am only here to discuss and heek "un"professional help and advise ... and I know that I am surely going to get it from all the wonderful bros here ...

I am open to jokes ... crutiny .... and comments (good/bad) .... as I am a open minded guy. I will not get offended easily ... so I hope all bros here will be open-minded when it comes to discussion.

I am glad that all bros in my thread are so concerned and willing to impart their advise and consolation to me ... I feel appreciated.

As for my life now ...
I will definitely file for the divorse and my wife and me have made agreement that each will have one child each. It is not that we do not love the kids ... or biase over who ... to take .. but the elder son is more closer to me then her ... and the younger son dun know anything .. so it'll be ok for her to take him ... but I do feel sad ... though. However ... we agree to settle this in a good way ... and we will have unrestricted access to the kids ... whenever we want ... even if I am having the elder son ... she can take him anytime she likes ... and vice versus for me .. I can take the younger son anytime I like. Another thing is that ... no matter what happens ... we both will always tell the kids about the truth ... and who their father or mother is ... becos we dun want them to forget their roots ...

Alright ... hope that everyone is happy with my outcome ... and please give feedback ... or anything you wish to tell me ...

Many thanks .. and my gratitude to all ...

Alvin

[KatoeyLover69]

Bro Alvin,

So sad to read about your situation .......... hope that everything will turn up okay for you & the kids .......... anyway, time will heal everything

Take care & God bless you !