Bro help! i screw up big time....

[justwanadoit]

Hi all bros,

i came here to share becuase i really got no where to turn to. me and my gal fren are going to be married soon, gotta nice flat, nice bridal package and everything going real smooth until today.

we went search for banquets and due to some oversight on my part we quarrelled and to cut the long story short, i screw up big time by slapping her in the heat of the arguement. Her gum bleed a bit. I immediately apologised and i know i really screw up for not controlling my rage. Now my gf have doubts about my character as this is 2nd time i slap her. The whole wedding plans and my relationship with her is in jeopardy. i love her very much and would want to spend my life with her, she is a very noce lady and would acceed to many of my request and accept my eccentricities, she is now scared and worried i am a wife beater. Jia lad...i felt so helpless and sad and disappointed with myself all in one go, all becuase of 1 moment of folly.:(

can any bros advise what to do now? feel damn jia lad and nervous and...sigh...how to win back her confidence now?

bros, i hope u guys dun flame me even though u feel disgusted by by action. i am disgusted with what i did too. I am not a violent person.merely seeking help as i desperate liao.:(

[SexFreak]

i screw up big time by slapping her in the heat of the arguement. Her gum bleed a bit.............how to win back her confidence now?

:eek: That's a HUGE mistake !!! You are the only person who know how to win her back as you know what she likes and dislikes. Work within the framework :

1) Sincere Apology;
2) Make her happy;
3) Enlist helps from her close one;
4) Give your assurance;
5) Keep your promise.

Good Luck.


Cheers !!!

[bleahhh]

Hi all bros,

i came here to share becuase i really got no where to turn to. me and my gal fren are going to be married soon, gotta nice flat, nice bridal package and everything going real smooth until today.

we went search for banquets and due to some oversight on my part we quarrelled and to cut the long story short, i screw up big time by slapping her in the heat of the arguement. Her gum bleed a bit. I immediately apologised and i know i really screw up for not controlling my rage. Now my gf have doubts about my character as this is 2nd time i slap her. The whole wedding plans and my relationship with her is in jeopardy. i love her very much and would want to spend my life with her, she is a very noce lady and would acceed to many of my request and accept my eccentricities, she is now scared and worried i am a wife beater. Jia lad...i felt so helpless and sad and disappointed with myself all in one go, all becuase of 1 moment of folly.:(

can any bros advise what to do now? feel damn jia lad and nervous and...sigh...how to win back her confidence now?

bros, i hope u guys dun flame me even though u feel disgusted by by action. i am disgusted with what i did too. I am not a violent person.merely seeking help as i desperate liao.:(

i really think u should control urself, its the SECOND Time some more...


gd luck man...i really cant think of any advice..

[ass_robber]

talk to her, make her forgive u, until she v v tired, scream and shout until she got no voice, then suddenly at night, she will stroke your hair, and kiss u. Trick, she is going to SCREAM alot, so shout up or you might break her teeth.

[thomas88]

Let me say this in fairness.....you've slapped her twice already even before you're married. Mark my words...you'll slap her even more once she's your wife.

The only solution is get her to bring you to seek a psychiatric help in controlling your temper as a sign of your sincerity. That's the only way to regain her confidence in you.

You must learn never never ever lift your finger on a girl regardless of whatever relationship she has with you. :o

[xxquietquiet]

Bro

Dont mean to flame you. But I think situation quite jia lat.
She may not be wrong but you really have to control your temper.
A couple of years ago, I did wat you did ...
I lost my cool when my wife to be suddenly cancelled wedding plans out of no reason and everything already planned for wedding banquets, gowns, ROM dates....
Imagine the embarrassment to my folks and my family,

But that was not the reason I slapped her, she tells me that I could arrange the plans for the next girl...

Anyway, it is an irreconcilable moment.
So we never got back again.

Bro a slap from a guy means adios amigo really... cos it will always leave a mark on her.

Be prepared for the worst but keep it cool lah, life has many ships and sailors and some sailors are never meant to be on board your ship. So try and live with it and be cool.

I know it is not easy but that is the best advice I can give you.

But you should really control your actions, words may wound and actions will kill the whole relationship.

I suggest you drop any idea of getting the thing back. It aint going to happen. Just be glad her parents and family never come knocking on your door and demand satisfaction....

Take it from someone who has gone through it.

Let it go and move on. But you really control your violent behaviour....
Once physical abuse starts it never ends....

What to do? Life is such...Just do not repeat it.

Any way if her parents know about it, which they will cos she will tell them. They will never let you marry their daughter for sure...

Dont do anything silly ....ok bro, there are many more things to look forward in life if things really go awry....

[justwanadoit]

sigh..yi si zhu chen qian gu hen:( ...at least just now she still aceept my call. but i think once she opened her mouth to tell her parents it will be all over. but i can understand her need to share such this with her parents. but once share , habis liao...everything over.:( really stressed out, feel like dying.

[Landlord]

Bro..... Let me give you my opinion and i will give it to you objectively. Am i disgusted with your action? Nope. Your gf is right to question your character as you are and will be a wife beater. In my line of work, I have seen a few and believe me, it's in the making. Once you are married and you have settled down...meaning you are no longer passionate and making less effort to please your wife. You will start being one. Especially if things are not working out well ar you have some problems in life.

Firstly wife beaters do not necessary have a bad temper. It's when they lose their temper, they lose control of all reasoning. Some of them are actually pretty nice people.

Secondly, wife beaters do love their wife and they swear by it and I think they really believe that. their only excuse is that they were so worked up that they lose control. After beating up the wife, they will apologize profusely and swear never to do it again. That is until the angry head rears again. The saying is correct, if it can happen once, it will happen again.

Thirdly, you have very little respect for women. If you do, this would never have even happen, much less twice. I think you better review your character. Looks familiar

Look at it this way, if she choose not to marry you, she is doing you a favor saving you from paying her alimony when she divorce you for being a wife beater and also from prison. I am sure you read recent murders which was committed due to rage. Its how it begins

Harsh words indeed from me but it's the truth. Nothing personal but it's a flaw on your character. Now the good news and solution..... Go for counselling about controlling your temper and really take the sessions seriously, understand the reason why you cannot control your rage. It's called anger management. If you do, maybe you can convince your gf that you are serious about her and at the same time do some good for yourself. If not, even if she does not marry you, you will inflict the same to some other poor woman. It will always be a lose lose situation for you to get married.

Hope this helps

[xxquietquiet]

Bro,

Cool it.

There is nothing you can do liao.

If her parents came for satisfaction, be prepared and apologised.

Dont make the thing jia lat jia lat that they call police ok?

You sa la so bo bian liao....

Be cool.

[justwanadoit]

Bro..... Let me give you my opinion and i will give it to you objectively. Am i disgusted with your action? Nope. Your gf is right to question your character as you are and will be a wife beater. In my line of work, I have seen a few and believe me, it's in the making. Once you are married and you have settled down...meaning you are no longer passionate and making less effort to please your wife. You will start being one. Especially if things are not working out well ar you have some problems in life.

Firstly wife beaters do not necessary have a bad temper. It's when they lose their temper, they lose control of all reasoning. Some of them are actually pretty nice people.

Secondly, wife beaters do love their wife and they swear by it and I think they really believe that. their only excuse is that they were so worked up that they lose control. After beating up the wife, they will apologize profusely and swear never to do it again. That is until the angry head rears again. The saying is correct, if it can happen once, it will happen again.

Thirdly, you have very little respect for women. If you do, this would never have even happen, much less twice. I think you better review your character. Looks familiar

Look at it this way, if she choose not to marry you, she is doing you a favor saving you from paying her alimony when she divorce you for being a wife beater and also from prison. I am sure you read recent murders which was committed due to rage. Its how it begins

Harsh words indeed from me but it's the truth. Nothing personal but it's a flaw on your character. Now the good news and solution..... Go for counselling about controlling your temper and really take the sessions seriously, understand the reason why you cannot control your rage. It's called anger management. If you do, maybe you can convince your gf that you are serious about her and at the same time do some good for yourself. If not, even if she does not marry you, you will inflict the same to some other poor woman. It will always be a lose lose situation for you to get married.

Hope this helps


thanks bro. but i think i will consider counselling after her decision to accept me back or not.

but I still cannot imagine I am one of those wife beaters that newspapers talk about, how can it be?:( Shucks....is my fate sealed? i dun wanna to be wife beater leh.wtf. oh man...really feel like...sigh

[Landlord]

Why after her decision??!! The problem is not your marriage but you. What has this got to do with her decision. Do yourself a favour and just go for the classes. Is it only you who is in so much self denial or are we all wrong. Go read this post I found for you and hopefully you will understand what women in general are talking about people like you.

http://weddingideas.com/forum/forum_thread_mesg.cgi?FORUM_ID=1&THREAD_ID=1868&PAGE=1

Personally I don't think you are a bad person, just lost. There is no point in self reproach if you do not change. Period!~!!! Go to IMH website. They will have anger management courses. If they don't they will refer you to one. For your own and your future wife sake, just do it. if you love yourself(not your wife) go. I am sure many will support your decision and we will hope for the best for you.

[Rof|maoxz]

thanks bro. but i think i will consider counselling after her decision to accept me back or not.

but I still cannot imagine I am one of those wife beaters that newspapers talk about, how can it be? :( Shucks....is my fate sealed? i dun wanna to be wife beater leh.wtf. oh man...really feel like...sigh

You need to tighten up your explosion behaviour and control you emotion let-off, as it will surely lead into a severe consequence later on. Your future wife muz be equally appalled by your second slaping incident. Inside her, she might still love you, but such incident could leave her a deep internal scar, which may make her re-consider her future with you now. Let her have a cooling period at this moment. Take care, go easy. :cool:

[SDMM]

You are a wife beater fullstop
Guess it boosted your ego big time when you hands met flesh huh?
Guys like you are not meant to be married

[Sboobs_lover]

Why after her decision??!! The problem is not your marriage but you.

Bros Landlord is right. To prove tat u really wan to change, seek counsel, it is the root of the problem. Maybe she see u changin, there is a hope.

But doesnt mean tat if she choose to leave u in the end, u no need to seek counsel anymore. If u dun solve tis problem every of ur wife-to-be will face the same problem again......

[snooker]

I know what I write here may not be pleasant to you but it will save you from prison in the future...

If you gf before marrying you is capable to make you so angry that you had slapped her twice, I will bet a million dollars that you'll beat her up in one of your quarrels after you marry her and it will be police case and you'll end up in jail..

You can't even control your temper now, before you marry her.
After she has become your wife, your tolerance level will be even lower, and she will make you more angry, you'll even feel like killing her in the future...

Save yourself! I think they cane wife abuse in Singapore....

[alwaysandy]

Actually, she must be thinking right now, that if u really love her, u would not have slapped her...slapping her for the first time may be a mistake. and slapping her for 2nd time, is something to make her take greater consideration.

Actually quite true, i mean maybe yr subconcious may not know it, but she may not be as important to u......thats why u would do that to her(something like testing the system).

If u are really love her alot and will get worried she will leave u, u wouldn't even think of doing that.......or are u mainly used to being with her, rather than love her.......

Does she like u more than u like her or otherwise? if u dun love her that much, u may still feel sad even she left, but u will eventually know that thats a better ending after sometimes.

U can think through what landlord have mentioned as i think it make some sense..at the end of the day, if she still love u, she will return to u....

Just my 1cents worth of speech....nothing against anyone....thanks you..:)

[randyboy73]

Let me say this in fairness.....you've slapped her twice already even before you're married. Mark my words...you'll slap her even more once she's your wife.....The only solution is get her to bring you to seek a psychiatric help in controlling your temper as a sign of your sincerity. That's the only way to regain her confidence in you.

You must learn never never ever lift your finger on a girl regardless of whatever relationship she has with you. :o

when there is a first time. there will be others... seek help like bro thomas said.. b4 it escalates into something even more severe

[spenceryap]

Hey Bro,

U did screw up. If you are sincere, show her that u want to correct this.

Make a deal with her. U enrol for counselling session and pre-marriage classes with her AND MAKE SURE YOU STICK TO THE END OF THE COURSE. Her part, to give you a chance and dont tell her parents. If she is happy and can see that you are calmer, then marry u.

As a husband myself, there are many times that I wanted to do jus that. Sometimes the wife jus cant stop nagging and sometimes they just sound and do stupid things. I learn to back off by moving yourself from the scene. Cool down think it over then come back to talk. There should also be an agreement that should a situation similar to your arises again, that both party should back away, become level headed and cool. And then address the issue.

I know its easire said then done. But all relationship takes effort on both parties to make it work.

U decide.

Some places you can go to:

AWARE (angry women who will eat you up and chew you out)
Counselling family and care ---at Hong Lim Complex---Check my buddy Anthony--he is the best with this sort of problems.
MCYS- Dhoby Ghaut-- They prepare couples before the big commitment
Counsellors are on hand too.

[raymondle80]

You have an anger management issue. And the sad thing is that it will happen again, I know this as I have friend and family like this.
I am sorry to say that you might have stepped over the line, and what some brothers have said here, it is the 2nd time. It will also be right for her to cancel the marriage or at least delay it until you sort out your problems, and again it should be reminded that if she decides not to go along with the plans, you cannot blame her.
If I were to give some advice on physical rage, just imagine how you would feel if someone slapped you, then perhaps you would never think or attempt to do that to anyone, much less your girlfriend or wife.

I am sorry man, I am sure you are personally not a bad person at all as you can reflect on yourself after the act, but sometimes regret comes too late, so do something about it before it happens, cheers.

[Sha_Gua75]

I hate Guy Who Slap Or Beat Girls....:mad:

[cheong_man]

....Once you are married and you have settled down...meaning you are no longer passionate and making less effort to please your wife. You will start being one. ...

Bro Lanlord, I agree to your points. And to Bro justwanadoit, if you want your marriage to last, it would takes more then endurances, stay away from family violence else you may reach a stage of no-return unknowingly.

I hate Guy Who Slap Or Beat Girls....:mad:

Whether it is Guys or Gals, we should not have any family violence, as all have the rights to live in peace.

[Lubber]

Bro justwannadoit, get her close / best friend to meet up with her,then on the place of meeting you replace her friend,from then onwards is up to you liao.If she walks away,grab her hand and stop her from doing so,from this point onwards be sincere and dont cock up. You know? Like some movie scenes? Might be of help to you. Maybe i watched too many movies liao.

[Newbie82]

Wah paing bro... u really need some professional help... how in the world can you bring yourself to slap a female.... I agree with Landlord as a wife beater may not necessary have a bad temper but most that I know of do... It is indeed a vicious cycle that will never stop manz.. once you start.. it will lead to the next one and before you know it.. it's a black hole... the darn good thing outta this is that you are actually feeling guilty... still got some hope. Best take Landlord's advise and seek help. As for ur fiance... i'd say let things cool off now and postponing the wedding would be a good idea for now. The only way to mend this is just 1 keyword sincerity... no point talking the talk and not doing the walk... prove it with actions and just maybe you might be able to salvage this

[soundworks]

[QUOTE=Sha_Gua75;1818089]Bro, relax lah, he already remorseful. I always believe in giving ppl second chance.

[Newbie82]

well done leh... give opinion also tio zap... if u don't like what I say can bloody ignore, I only giving u cold hard advise rather then paint u false picture. ridiculous pple =.= who the fuck who zap me.. use your brain to think a bit lah... postpone wedding is for both of them to cool down and u think what after u slap ur gf immediate she forgive and all wipe clean ah. I quote "i screw up big time by slapping her in the heat of the arguement. Her gum bleed a bit. I immediately apologised and i know i really screw up for not controlling my rage. Now my gf have doubts about my character as this is 2nd time i slap her. " and I quote again "she is now scared and worried i am a wife beater." who ever the damm zapper u got read the full thing or not... you think wedding able to proceed smoothly now? Sure~~can fucking force it through but the root of problem not solve it will end up worse... besides as I said in my earlier post... to salvage this relationship still got chance.. but it's not gonna be easy and it's gonna be time consuming... You think what homework ah.. use liquid paper can wipe clean ah... this kind of thing u need time to convince pple you change and postponing the wedding is just showing her that she is right in her concerns and you are willing to respect her thoughts... knnz I echo landlord views also tio zap... newbie fucking good to bully ah... to whoever zap me go zap landlord as well lah knnz, you either got no brain to look at it objectively or you too fucking lazy to use your brain... damm pissed off

[hehfun]

1. let's say you are right that you are not a wife beater, but you did hit her when you anger build up. (twice)

2. Its your character, can't be help. UNLESS some major crisis that will make you change for the better, you will continue with you actions again.

3. Going for counselling is a good start.

good luck





the follow words are my thoughts;
why we slap gals.

1. cb cheat our money and feeling on purpose.

2. Two timing us, make use of us when she already have another bf.

3. Like to hit you (don be shock, some woman does that)

4. Obsess with branded items (not a big crime) but keep asking you to buy them (if you are rich ok lah), or else call you a miser.

5. Addicted to gambling. Gamble our and children money away, not taking care of the family.

6. Look down on us when we did nothing wrong
(givin you the sneer expression)
keeps putting you down infront of your/her friends
(always saying you are useless for nothing when you have tried many times to please her)

Yet even if the above happens, it is still NOT (sigh..) a reason to hit them,
even thou they very much deserve it.
There can be legal causes against us.

Just stay far away from them and find another fish in the ocean.

(just my thoughts ah... no need to agree with it)

[yankim3]

u got a tendency to not being able to control your temper and slap her. and it happen a second time. if after the first time can u cannot control to slap her a second time. what makes u think that u wun be a wife beater after your marriage. it shows that u are not able to control your temper, i mean cannot blame her to think it that way also. she also has to think of herself, who dun wan a happie marriage.

i quote an example. if, now i say if your gf and wife to be like to sleep around. im quoting this cos this is the thing man most hate to happen. and first time was caught by u, she promised to change her way cos she love u very much, and tells u that u are the man she wan to spend the rest of her life with. and again it happen a second time and was caught by u again. will u forgive and trust her fully again?:confused:

its not easy to control ones temper. a little thing might spike u off. heavy workload, shes gonna work OT. your newborn child. i can almost garanty that u will slap her again. temper this thing. we can nev help u to control it. now u are cool in the head and what we advise goes in. but once u lose your head again. all these advise vanished instantly. and the only thing on your mind is to slap her again.

[Shuang_Jie_Gun]

i personally despise guys who hit gals so gd luck to u. :mad:

[alwaysandy]

i personally despise guys who hit gals so gd luck to u. :mad:

Ya la...but everyone make their mistake........but this is confirm not only a moment of folly........what matters now is whether his gf can forgive him......or else he can try to don't take it so hard liao..........

when gals start to harden their heart, can get quite mean....thats what happen to myself b4(i mean turn mean to me)....when i think back, i feel it's a good thing when we are really not suitable....;)

[Shuang_Jie_Gun]

Ya la...but everyone make their mistake........but this is confirm not only a moment of folly........what matters now is whether his gf can forgive him......or else he can try to don't take it so hard liao..........

when gals start to harden their heart, can get quite mean....thats what happen to myself b4(i mean turn mean to me)....when i think back, i feel it's a good thing when we are really not suitable....;)

maybe y i feel so strongly abt this is bcos my last ex-gf of 3 yrs got married to this guy after breaking up with me and he actually hit her on a few occasions,upon hearing it drives me to the wall.How gd can a guy be who hit gers?Absolutely no excuse or whatsoever.

[dirtyhairy]

Yo Bro J,

Ok, me no social worker nor counsellor but my tips are based on true experience. So here goes...
First u r dammed lucky yr gf is not related to my in-law otherwise, man u'll find yr teeth in yr stomach liao for even raising yr hand on a gal, esp their kin. That's how fierce they can be...and the beating may not happen today but someday later or weeks, even mths afterwards when u least expect it while walking down the street...that's how caculatively devious the ex-triads people can be.
Seriously tho, what u did is most despicable...violence and against someone weaker. and violence will beget violence...so the next time, u feel the urge, man do like I what used to do when I was younger and with more teeth...hehehe...I punched the floor..that way only u get hurt and the floor get damaged but atleast no one else will.

But more seriously now, the best is to grit yr teeth and just walk away...like I do nowadays each time I see smoke coming out either from my ears or the other party... Believe me..it is better bcos it is so unnecessary to blow one's top. Many trouble canbe prevented if one just cool it, by walking away. Once things have calmed down, return and talks things over..you'll be surprised how often things work out when both parties become rational when they cool down.
On patching up with yr GF, I think u still have hope! the fact that she stil answers yr call...is a good sign that she loves . So here is what u can do to apologise.
Sned her a good bouquet of flowers.. dont stint now... give her her favourite flowers with a nice sincere note saying I am very sory and how u ove her... and promise never ever to hit her. Be this the last time. Sned another bouquet three days later and another 4 days later... her heart will melt now.
But u have to be sincere and never ever to be violent bcos if it happens again..it will be final.
While the social workers among us here have claimed that yr violent temper would not stop u from hitting out again, I think like orgasm, it's in the mind...u CAN control it. It's yr life, live it right, live it well without ciolence.
Peace on Your Brother...and hopefully I get an invite to your wedding.
Bro DirtyHairy,
Always horny but into safe-sex only...so any good one 4 me?

[cheeky-cheeky]

Bro

Many had said so much so I think I dun have to say too much again... Just on my own personal opinion...

You dun have to wait for her decision to decide whether to attend anger management or not. Its you we talking about not her, its for your own good not for her. You guys will not believe what the course can do for you, trust me...

Thats all I can say for you and advise you now... the rest is up to you...

Bro SJG

I depise guy who beat gals but sometimes we just have to open up and be helpful at times... understand what you went thru those situation are different. Here someone had come to seek help and seems remorse... we shall see if he dun think he need to attend the course or must wait for the gal decision before he take the course then I dun think he deserve any help... instead all should throw stone at him...

[Shuang_Jie_Gun]

\Bro SJG

I depise guy who beat gals but sometimes we just have to open up and be helpful at times... understand what you went thru those situation are different. Here someone had come to seek help and seems remorse... we shall see if he dun think he need to attend the course or must wait for the gal decision before he take the course then I dun think he deserve any help... instead all should throw stone at him...

well,i may sound a bit harsh but regarding this issue i wont hold back with my comments.Facts are still facts,no pt crying over splilt milk.I did mentioned gd luck to him didn't I ?;)

[suckerll]

You are a wife beater fullstop
Guess it boosted your ego big time when you hands met flesh huh?
Guys like you are not meant to be marriedi fully agree, u hit the gal means u only love urself the most:mad:

[justwanadoit]

Yo Bro J,

Ok, me no social worker nor counsellor but my tips are based on true experience. So here goes...
First u r dammed lucky yr gf is not related to my in-law otherwise, man u'll find yr teeth in yr stomach liao for even raising yr hand on a gal, esp their kin. That's how fierce they can be...and the beating may not happen today but someday later or weeks, even mths afterwards when u least expect it while walking down the street...that's how caculatively devious the ex-triads people can be.
Seriously tho, what u did is most despicable...violence and against someone weaker. and violence will beget violence...so the next time, u feel the urge, man do like I what used to do when I was younger and with more teeth...hehehe...I punched the floor..that way only u get hurt and the floor get damaged but atleast no one else will.

But more seriously now, the best is to grit yr teeth and just walk away...like I do nowadays each time I see smoke coming out either from my ears or the other party... Believe me..it is better bcos it is so unnecessary to blow one's top. Many trouble canbe prevented if one just cool it, by walking away. Once things have calmed down, return and talks things over..you'll be surprised how often things work out when both parties become rational when they cool down.
On patching up with yr GF, I think u still have hope! the fact that she stil answers yr call...is a good sign that she loves . So here is what u can do to apologise.
Sned her a good bouquet of flowers.. dont stint now... give her her favourite flowers with a nice sincere note saying I am very sory and how u ove her... and promise never ever to hit her. Be this the last time. Sned another bouquet three days later and another 4 days later... her heart will melt now.
But u have to be sincere and never ever to be violent bcos if it happens again..it will be final.
While the social workers among us here have claimed that yr violent temper would not stop u from hitting out again, I think like orgasm, it's in the mind...u CAN control it. It's yr life, live it right, live it well without ciolence.
Peace on Your Brother...and hopefully I get an invite to your wedding.
Bro DirtyHairy,
Always horny but into safe-sex only...so any good one 4 me?



thanks bro, u the best among many who advise me. thakns for ur well wishes.

I am repentant , what i mean to bro landlord is i want counselling but will arrange for it after her decision, right now in my uncertain state of mind and heart, dun think i can concentrate on any course.:(

sorry to all bros, but sometimes if u placed urself in my shoes, some of those comments just leave me with a dead end, i know i have a temper problem and u just repaet something i know. i am not a wife beater but some of u prophesy that i am.

I am not and i going counselling and do whatever, walk away from the quarrels to make sure of that!:mad:

[Shuang_Jie_Gun]

i fully agree, u hit the gal means u only love urself the most:mad:

never at any reason should a guy hit a gal.this is what i always strongly believe.

[Shuang_Jie_Gun]

thanks bro, u the best among many who advise me. thakns for ur well wishes.

I am repentant , what i mean to bro landlord is i want counselling but will arrange for it after her decision, right now in my uncertain state of mind and heart, dun think i can concentrate on any course.:(

sorry to all bros, but sometimes if u placed urself in my shoes, some of those comments just leave me with a dead end, i know i have a temper problem and u just repaet something i know. i am not a wife beater but some of u prophesy that i am.

I am not and i going counselling and do whatever, walk away from the quarrels to make sure of that!:mad:

u r free to choose which advice that best suits ur ears or eyes in this instance.We (the opposition grp) say our piece,u may turn them into deaf ears but we are merely stating our point of views.Do hope u sincerely repent and should u have a third chance,do cherish it dearly with both hands and never repeat the mistake u did.

[Rof|maoxz]

Yo Bro J,



Wah bro, you came back from overseas? Titts wanna says "welcome back" :p

[dirtyhairy]

Yo Bro J again,

I forgot to add...No I dont believe u r a wife beater!
The fact that u own up and openly too in this colum shows there's plenty of hopeful rays in you.

So To discourage u from thinking that u r hopeless and there's a violent streak forever in you...just think of the fierce tiger! if it can be trained...so can your temper be contained. Believe in yrself, and dont let so-called experts tell you otherwise... they can be wrong too!

For starters...practice rage control management... count to 10 b4 u flare up. It helps. Yes, go for counselling if u reckon u need it but otherwise reading joke books and lovey-dovey stories esp those with good endings and about good over evil... help lots. How do I know?...I was once a violent person....u will see what I mean when u see the scars on all oevr me.. from the beatings I received for being too aggressive!

I am now so meek...I wont hurt the mosquito sucking my blood u know...hehehehe. Good luck.


Bro DirtyHairy,
Always horny but into safe-sex only...so any good lobang 4 me?

Lastly....I think u love

[dirtyhairy]

Yo Bro R,

Ya, me back for shortwhile to recuperate from injured kukuchia..but may have to go again....bin bzzzz..sian man me poor delivery lorry driver kena push here and there to send goodies when my old man boss suspect me fooling around GL...may be must be the goddam cameras and press reports. sigh..
Thanx Bro Titts for the fone no.. will need to fidn time to drink kopi...on me do problem...u welcome too and any friendly bros...but need to find time/date to do so. May be u guys can arrrange.
Cheers
Bro DHairy,
always horny but into safe-sex only...so any god lobang 4 me?
BTway, Bro J.. I meant to say you still love yr gal...at the foot of my previous post but I missed editing it out...so no lah.. I am straight..I am not thinking of your arse...but yr gf's parents may be to roast it if u dont act fast to win her over! Cheers.

[vader69]

You screwed up BIG time when you slapped her the 1st time.... No decent man will lay his hand on his woman no matter what.

Now you did that the 2nd time. What make you think that when u asked her for forgiveness the 2nd time, you will not slap her the 3rd time, 4th time??? And you claim that you love her? Wake up and face the reality slap does not equate to love...

The 2nd slap is on your search for a banquet for your big moment and you can lose control over this? The search is one part of an equation of life, you have many years ahead.

Get some form of help on anger management before you get married because if you do not, divorce do not come cheap and you will be at losing end due to the woman's charter.

[Onyx2Rock]

Bro, everything happen for a reason!

If like what u said, u well natured and not hot type... then are u angry with her over unresolved issues??

Or Simply there is something hidden to be work out??

Saying sorry is not the best solution, so are compromising.... for the long run... in organising a event u already cant reach resolution... there is something for u to find out about YOU, YOUR GF AND THE SITUATION U GUYS ARE IN...

[screamer]

counselling

[ahben]

Let me say this in fairness.....you've slapped her twice already even before you're married. Mark my words...you'll slap her even more once she's your wife.

The only solution is get her to bring you to seek a psychiatric help in controlling your temper as a sign of your sincerity. That's the only way to regain her confidence in you.

You must learn never never ever lift your finger on a girl regardless of whatever relationship she has with you. :o

I totally agreed with thomas88, you have to find psychological help as there maybe some cognitive developments towards aggressive behaviour and you need to change that in order to win her back.

By doing this, u could get a chance of a live time that she is re-consider again to be with you. Make sure u enter a program and show her that you are doing that with her or maybe even bring her along to see what's the best way to help in the areas involving both of you to cause you to react that way.

Just my 2 cent worth.
Wish you all the best.

[ct75]

It is now not about your gf..... as some here have said you did it not once but twice.

To raise your hand against a person that you know cannot defend themself is a sign of a anger management problem. Did you feel a rush when you got more and more mad, did everything go blank and you just felt your hand move and down it went? If you did... u are almost there. It is not about this girl, it is about any future person you meet. Another girl, your kids, your maid?

See a doc dude.... and dont wait for your gf decision. If you really want... you might want to let her know that you saw a shrink and what he told you. Maybe even see together. It shows you are sincere about being a better man. Maybe she will forgive you cos she loves you deeply or maybe she might not... but end of the day it is for your own good.

[yankim3]

bro, i am thinking one day she might do something or u might have thought she did something that make u so angry that u lay your arms on her and killed her in the process. did u thought of that? sometime its very difficult to control ones temper. :o

[milo_man]

BRO justwanadoit
I did a search on u n realise u not only slap ur ger but oso go out to fool ard. So much for ur character. I do not help man who slap ger:mad: . What i m willin to advise u is to see a doc for ur sickness

[soshiok]

bro justwanadoit,

sad to hear abt ur case. but u really shldn't slap a girl and 2nd time somemore. anyway, feel u're feeling very bad already so i won't rub it in.

but firstly, u must ask urself why did u do it? talk to her (if she's still willing to listen) abt why u did it. admit that u may have a anger mgmt problem. lastly, seek her support and go for some counseling.

since such things had already happened before ur marriage, i strongly suggest that u sort them out before officially tying the knot. all the best to u.

[darke]

[QUOTE=justwanadoit;1817879]Hi all bros,

bro... thing i would want to say is tat give her time to see ur improvement make... even if she had to call off the wedding plan. let her. time MIGHT heal but not totally. try to learn to endur if she is important to u. cos when u lost her u may not able to find someone like her again.

[best123]

wah...looks bad man.....

[GPLs]

Bro justwanadoit,

What you have done is already done. Most importantly, u must realise that no matter what...............You will MUST NEVER do it again.

I am going to share some anger management tips with you and i hope you can apply them.

1) Always remember, the person who will be beside you whether you succeed or fail in life, is your wife. That is reason enough to check you temper.

2) Your wife will bring you kids and going through the process whether now or later is going to be a very stressful responsibility. The thought of bearing kids at the end of labour is a pain that even some men are incapable of handling.

3) She will shower her love upon your kids, your home, your family and especially you. So like i said keep your temper in check.

4) She will be your Soulmate in all the things you need to confide, no one can be more trustworthy than you wife who sleeps and feed you every day.

5) Always think of all the good moments that you and her had while in courtship........Think about why you wanted her in the very first place. This is the main booster for anger suppression.

6) You know she is the one but what can you do to make her FEEL that you are also the ONE for her. The journey do not end with a Marriage Cert, Bro.

7) Tell her and remind her that no matter what, you will never lift a finger on her EVER AGAIN. You will take up anything to improve and would spend your whole lifetime compensating this fault.

8) Tell her that you will LOVE her forever and will never allow anyone to hurt her as deep as you did cos you finally realise how important she is to you.

With this 8 verses, Pls don commit that act again. If you have to do something when you are angry, GO play GOLF. Hit it with all your might and let go of your anger in every shot. Jus get a second hand club which cost about 20 dollars and then go to the driving range and finish driving 100 balls.

Each ball that you hit, let it go with your anger. When you are back, tell her nicely that there be might some words that she said which trigger this emotion, You hope that she can put it nicely to you as you are trying to be as conditional as you can. Jus like you had promised her that you would behave. (YOu might suck at this game but You might achieve a Healthy Handicap. :D )

Bro, i hope this can help you further your relationship with her. Deep down, only you know whats the worth of this Gal.

Reconcile fast and be Good from now on. GO, Bro..........GO!;)

[ct75]

It might not be a bad thing that she and you are finished

She will always carry this stigma that you hit her... and in this modern age, no woman will tolerate it. Putting two of you together might be okay for a short while but sooner or later problems will surface due to this. She will remember you and may even use it against you.

If I am not wrong, in a divorce case, it can be a case for the judge to award more alimony. In short you can be made to look like a monster that deserves his just desserts. And judges in Singapore or globally for that matter do not take kindly to men who hammer women.

I would say let it go.

[lacoruna69]

It seemed that you flare up over small issues. Maybe both of you should examine the relationship again. Both of you are planning to get married already. I thought you should be more tolerant..........Seek counselling, Bro.

[no_faith]

i have similiar situation but not getting marry yet.
y i raise my arm, threatened to slap her or what so ever.
finally she break up wif me, i have tis regrets tat could never forget. i recall the matter...

we let our emotions control our mind. we wanna vent it out so we took our gal as the target. she loves u but trust me u not even slap her b4, u sumtimes also raise ur voice or use harsh words or juz impatient on sumting so wanna vent on her even u noe she is not at fault at all. y? ego? i tink maybe.
she trust you, put her happiness in your hand but u juz giving her phobia and nightmare.
my x-gf ever asked y i doing tis to her where she loves me so much? all these yrs i have been asking myself too. if i have noe the answer earlier, she would not have left me. i deserved it. i did not cherish her when she is ard. do not follow my footstep.

1-make a present with your hands. she will feel it of your effort. juz by buying wun let her feel.
2-bring back the gd old memories. e.g plc u both met/how u woo her at the first plc.
3-create a simple, romatic home dinner. u cook the dinner and make her like a princess
4-ego must keep away
5-curb your temper, emotions.

its sounds like a patch up method. but u nvr noe.
she has gave u one, two chances already, i believe this is the last chance, there will be no third chance. cherish it like tis is the last day of earth. when she ard, you dun cherish her, when she left you, dun you regret. you create the problem, you have to solve it.
tis is my advice from my regrets.


peace

[Ah he]

Bro justwanando, I am damn sure there are some HIDDEN DEATILs you did not reveal out . I think you should let us know . What she did to you ? I suggest u tell us the whole story. If you really need help u have to tell us . I believe there are many kind souls here willing to help you. My friend case is smillar with you. After that we found out his GF scolded his mother infornt of the relatives NBCB...zhor dai chi bo zhor ho ho..
Slap or Hamtam ? :D

[ekemono]

I feel no matter wat happens, we should not resort to voilence when it comes to ladies.

Not that I am a big gentleman, but they can easily apply for Personal Protection Order(more easier than you think, really) without spending big money.
Worse if those got abit of money and cannot swallow the anger, file lawsuit. The judge sure side the weaker sex like as if its thier own sister/daughter.

This is Sillypore.

[canthaveenuf]

Bro,

Sorry to hear about your situation. But I think there is still hope yet. Don’t despair. The fact that she is still communicating with you means the relationship is still alive and she still loves you and still treasures what you guys have. Just have to keep working on it. Every relationship has its ups and downs, just learn from it.

Personally, I don’t like man who hit women. I too don’t have a very good temper, but must know the limit. Hitting a woman is a No-No no matter how jia-lat is the case.

The fact that you recognize you have a problem means that you are already on the way to resolving it. It takes courage to admit it and do something about it. Yes, do go for the course if it will benefit you.

As to how and what you can do to win back her trust – only you know becos only you know what will melt her heart. But whatever you do, do it sincerely because women are very sensitive to this. If she can sense any fakeness in any move you make, you are done. So, do it for the right reason and do it with your heart.

Another thing maybe you might want to give some thoughts to – find out what is the exact trigger that caused you to flip (twice). Could it be something your GF did/said? And if this is the real trigger, then, maybe you may want to have a heart-to-heart talk with her and explain to her the impact of her words/actions on you and find some middle-ground. The process may be painful, but it is a worthwhile investment for the future.

Anyway, just my 2 cents. Bro, hope you can work things out well with your GF.

Cheers

[Toyota Honda]

Let me digress abit. Some bros here says that girls in this mondern days are intolerant of such acts.. I would rather put it this way... Girls in this modern society are now intolerant of being 'mistreated' with ungentlemenly behaviours..

It has come to almost a boiling point where they feel so high and full of themselves just because:
1) They are higher educated than they were before.
2) They are more affluent whether tyhey succeed themselves or siply because their parents are rich.
3) Peer pressure.
4) Too many chee hongs spoiling market.

We men, on the other hand, are getting ourselves 'eaten' up and having to give in to them,.. Fearing them for fear of losing them..

Why is this happening?

I am not asking that girls should be tolerant of we guys' unruly behaviours.. But asking themn to be more understanding and trust..

If mutual understanding and trust is there, our brother wouldn't be so afraiod of losing her or things like PPo against him.

If so, whats the point..
I am sorry about saying all these to make things worse. But then again, its my 2cts worth...

[ilovesammyboy]

why don't you find someone else who doesn't make you slap her?
u will bound to right the correct one.
A called-off-marriage is better than a failed marriage.

[wanderer23]

thanks bro. but i think i will consider counselling after her decision to accept me back or not.

but I still cannot imagine I am one of those wife beaters that newspapers talk about, how can it be?:( Shucks....is my fate sealed? i dun wanna to be wife beater leh.wtf. oh man...really feel like...sigh

First step to recovery is admitting that you have an anger problem. try signing up for an anger management class

[Sha_Gua75]

but will arrange for it after her decision, right now in my uncertain state of mind and heart, dun think i can concentrate on any course.:(

If now you dont go...then worse thing happen....she decide to leave...you think u will still go??? It wont happen...and next girl come...you slap her again....

i am not a wife beater but some of u prophesy that i am.

Now you not yet wife beater.....you only girl beater...if get marry then promote to wife beater...:mad:

[ct75]

Let me digress abit. Some bros here says that girls in this mondern days are intolerant of such acts.. I would rather put it this way... Girls in this modern society are now intolerant of being 'mistreated' with ungentlemenly behaviours..

It has come to almost a boiling point where they feel so high and full of themselves just because:
1) They are higher educated than they were before.
2) They are more affluent whether tyhey succeed themselves or siply because their parents are rich.
3) Peer pressure.
4) Too many chee hongs spoiling market.

We men, on the other hand, are getting ourselves 'eaten' up and having to give in to them,.. Fearing them for fear of losing them..

Why is this happening?

I am not asking that girls should be tolerant of we guys' unruly behaviours.. But asking themn to be more understanding and trust..

If mutual understanding and trust is there, our brother wouldn't be so afraiod of losing her or things like PPo against him.

If so, whats the point..
I am sorry about saying all these to make things worse. But then again, its my 2cts worth...


Whatever it is I really dont think it justifies being violent and physical to the lady or anyone for that matter.

[Landlord]

thanks bro, u the best among many who advise me. thakns for ur well wishes.

I am repentant .............

I am not and i going counselling and do whatever, walk away from the quarrels to make sure of that!:mad:


Clap Clap Clap....Wonderful. PM me and we can meet up if you ever want to lose your temper. I will sit with you and let you blow steam. After that we can sit down to reason the situation out. I used to have a bad temper too but now already mellowed due to age..:D Many things depends on perspective. Once you understand them, you will realize that many things are never worth losing your cool over. There was once a famous saying, I can't remember who but it says " The older I get, the more I realize that most problems can be solved by time, if you let them." What it means or at least my interpretation is that most problems can and will be solved if you just walk off and allow time to cool off and things will solve by itself. I am serious about the PM though. Lets meet up for a drink or something.

[Castrol]

as this is 2nd time i slap her.

wow you slapped her twice already ah? i suggest she go for karate lessons so next time she can block. :D

[dirtyhairy]

Yo Bro J,

Isn't this forum wonderful? You ask something and you wil also get many things, all well meaning yet some mindboggling.

OK I guess you have suffered enuf already --besides trying to win over yr wife-2-b again --- and now from the advice overload from none other than so many briothers here. Beside being horny, they (ok myself included) are freaking sex, marriage, partnership counsellors and rage-control experts too!
Is this not wodnerful...u ask once and comes an avalanche of soothsayings!

But uncle DirtyHairy says go get a good nite's rest..., although U cannot undo what's been done, you can do what must be done. This means apologise again and again, go on bended knees if needed. remember send the flowers (a woman's heart no matter how hard, will soften up, unless it's made of stone and yr gal's not, judging by her willingness to receive yr call!
Promise to change, contain that temper, remember the 1-10 routine, (go for counselling if u think it will help...but frankly it's in the mind.. are u really that bad..if not u can shake the aggro off if u folow the 1-10 routine.
Since humour can smoothen things, relax and go get stuffed yrself with jokes and funny anecdotes and try to make her laugh with funny bits. Move on!

Finally, it's yr life, re-think and decide for yourself. No one can help you unless you help yrself first...and I believe you may have lost yr head twice, u are not beyond hope. Go on, log off now and rest. Tomorrow willl be better!
Best.
Bro DirtyHairy,
always horny, most times dirty, all-over hairy...so any good lobang for me..hehehe?

[Vorenus]

I haven't got time to read the entire thread... but bro, you ARE a wife-beater... you have not been able to control your rage and it has escalated to a level whereby you have to resort to violence to express your anger.

The next you get into a quarrel with her you'll realise that shouting at the top of your voice is no longer effective in helping you to release your anger, my take is that you'll end up beating her again.

Hope I dun getted zapped for this, but I really dun think this will be the last time...

[Rexell]

Let me try giving a different point of view.

I agree that it is always wrong to use violence to vent your frustrations. But everyone has his/her tolerance limit. Just like if you keep on kicking a dog, sooner or later it will bite you back. Sometimes, some people just like to provoke you and say very nasty or even humiliating things to test your limit in a quarrel. This is very wrong and it will eventually destroy a relationship if it continues. It will be worse if that person is the one you love. If that is the case, then you both are at fault and you should talk to her and sort it out.

Tell her you are sorry and will try to change and that she will have to help you too by remembering not to say/do things to test your limit in future quarrels. And if it succeeds, pls remember to say things to appreciate each other's efforts after the quarrel. Appreciating encourages people to repeat their positive behaviour. If she really loves you, she will agree. If she doesn't agree to it, then leave her because I think somewhere in the future, you both will quarrel and the same thing will happen again. Even if you keep on enduring and reminding yourself not to lay your hands on her, it is not good for your mentality. You may end up having depression. Depression is very common nowadays in sillypore.

Of course, if she didn't said/did anything serious to hurt you, and you slapped her, then you better go see a psychiatrist.

What did you and your girl quarrel about to make you lose your cool? I think it is important for you to tell us so that we can help you by giving you better suggestions. For your sake and hers, do not get married until the situation gets better.

I hope what I've said can help you and your girl to be happier in the future. Anyway, its just my opinion and I hoped I won't be zapped for it.

[5stars]

All the advice given are one way - all pin-point to your behaviour. Well. When a man uses force on a lady, we will definitely be sentenced - Death sentence. No question asks. No compromise.

As many samsters advised, to show your sincerity, going through the councelling will be good, and to re-assure her and her parents will be vital.

One thing that you have not tell us is your "GF character" - I am not speculating. Is your GF a extremely stubborn person? Does she like to "rub salt" during an agrument? It is good that you learn some techniques for "quarrel management" - during a quarrel, one party must be the "cooling party". Don't go head on - Sure die! To live with someone, you must live with her and "her bad habbits and behaviours"..

Try control your temper.
And take this chance to ask yourself, is she the chosen one?
Can you cope with your GF - vice versa?

There are 2 sides to a mirror.

[Armstrong]

bros, i hope u guys dun flame me even though u feel disgusted by by action. i am disgusted with what i did too. I am not a violent person.merely seeking help as i desperate liao.:(
Well, you really screw up big time!!! Only way out is beg her for mercy!!!

[vkoolboi]

From what you wrote, you cannot control your temper and can get violent, though you will realise it subsequently that your action is wrong.

Not sure how much counselling can help or you are suffering from some behavioural disorder and the loss of temper is only a symptom. Maybe you should consider telling your gf to put the marriage plans on hold until you get to know yourself better. You may want to run through the events in your life that you lost your temper or other behaviours that you exhibit that your family or friends or yourself found it to be unusual.

Consider seeing a psychologist too. If all turns out well and there are no other issues, you may want to try some temper control measures through therapy and counselling.

[sinner82]

i am not sure of how to advice you, however i think if you really sit down and think if she is the one you lo0ve so much you wanna marry, then you should never had laid your hands on her (just my point of view). Since you have hit her, its a fact that you might hit her in future as well thus you gotta assure her that there won't be anymore of such incidents. Prove to her that the relationship between the both of you are worth it. Touch her with your sincerity and be true to yourself and her.
I wish you all the best and a blissful marriage life...

[Castrol]

There are 2 sides to a mirror.

mirror got 2 sides? :confused:

[sohbuckkong]

Let me say this in fairness.....you've slapped her twice already even before you're married. Mark my words...you'll slap her even more once she's your wife.

..........:o

Totally agree with you.

[chickenzip]

mirror got 2 sides?


think he is trying to say a coin got 2 sides....:D

got mirrors with 2 sides...those to bio char bo undress one lah...

[Looksee]

mirror got 2 sides? :confused:

inside and outside?? :confused:

[suteerak1099]

guess this is gonna be a very very expensive lesson to learn. for her to pardon u is 1 thing, bt for her family to learn of such a disappointment is another. what's the worse that can happen? i think you should brace yourself for a rough ride.

rage is not a valid reason to resort to physical abuse, though slap is just a 1 off, but could progress & aggravate if things dont come under ctrl. i suggest you sign yourself up for some anger management councelling... let her know that you're sincere about your mistake... cross fingers & toes & pray for the best.

good luck

[airbrush]

There must be a reason you start the action. Who is right is who is wrong at this moment, only you know. In principle, those who start the action are already wrong If you think that you are wrong, then you can try to make youself disappear for 3 days and see whether she will look for you, if she don't even bother then you must hurt her deep. Disappear for another 3 days and see whether she will look for you and if she don't even bother then you better postpone your occassion. The mark you have make take at least two to three years before she can consider whether to forgive you. Unless something very touching happen.

[Castrol]

think he is trying to say a coin got 2 sides....

got mirrors with 2 sides...those to bio char bo undress one lah...

yes a coin got 2 sides, just like buttocks got 2 sides too. :D

inside and outside??

concave and convex? :confused:

[5stars]

yes a coin got 2 sides, just like buttocks got 2 sides too. :D
concave and convex?

No lah. I want to put it in this manner: A mirror has 2 sides. on one side, you can see yourself, and on the other side, you can't. One cannot see his fault when he is standing on the "wrong" side (without reflection)

Make sense or not?? :D

[5stars]

And I am trying to impress upon the thread-starter to do some "soul-searching" and "think through"...

Marriage is a life long matter - so, you must really think through.

List down all the habits of her, and tell yourself whether you can take them forever..

Also, we might not be able to give you any good advice. It is best that you go through the councelling session with your GF. The councellor will be in a better position to offer professional assistance.

No point feeling upset - Gather your energy and strength to gain her trust if you still think your GF is worthwhile to cherish.

[Looksee]

No lah. I want to put it in this manner: A mirror has 2 sides. on one side, you can see yourself, and on the other side, you can't. One cannot see his fault when he is standing on the "wrong" side (without reflection)

Make sense or not?? :D

orrrrrrhhhhhh.......understand liao.....

"when u r in the picture, u can't see the flame..."

[newkid2006]

Hi Bro justwanadoit,

I don't mean to take a swap at you, but, you should never have slap a women, whether if she is your wife or not.
She would and should be very concern about your physical approach to anger, if you can hit her out of anger now, what will happen if you guys have kids, would you resort to the same reaction to the kids as well???
This is a very serious consideration for her.....

After reading thru briefly on this thread, I see that some of the bro here has very good and constructive advice, but I am also wondering-----

1) How old are you..?
Youth are generally more aggressive / impulsive and "normally" age (experience helps to control the aggressive / impulsive side....

2) How much do you love your future wife..?:confused:
Do you "really" love her enough to change / control your impulsive personality.


So, my 2 cents worth of thoughts is ...you need to go back to the basic.....
1) Bag for forgiveness....constant bagging (if the answer to my second question is YES. Get her stuff that she likes...mention about your happier times together.....
2) Seek proessional help, maybe you can look for some helpline, seek their professional advice.....and if need to (which I believed is now),...get your gf to go with you for counseling...to show that you are really sincere ..

But, end of the day..it is really up to you to decide how far u are willing to do to save this relationship....on ur own...u will not be able to solve this..at least not in the short time....So, bro...think deep and think carefully...it's ur future...U definitely need some help...Good Luck...:)

[spider_j]

i came here to share becuase i really got no where to turn to. me and my gal fren are going to be married soon, gotta nice flat, nice bridal package and everything going real smooth until today.

Let me ask this, do you want to get her back simply because you have incurred significant financial outlay and/or obligations for the 'nice flat' and 'nice bridal package'?

Is that the prime consideration for getting her back?

we went search for banquets and due to some oversight on my part we quarrelled and to cut the long story short, i screw up big time by slapping her in the heat of the arguement. Her gum bleed a bit. I immediately apologised and i know i really screw up for not controlling my rage. Now my gf have doubts about my character as this is 2nd time i slap her. The whole wedding plans and my relationship with her is in jeopardy.

I don't know why you hit her the first time. But if this is the 2nd time you have hit her, she has every reason to believe that you WILL hit her again during the marriage.

Anybody knows that marriage is not always smooth-sailing and disagreements are bound to arise. And what will happen when the both of you get into a serious disagreement again? Can you say that you WON’T hit her again when you get worked up?

i love her very much and would want to spend my life with her, she is a very noce lady and would acceed to many of my request and accept my eccentricities, she is now scared and worried i am a wife beater. Jia lad...i felt so helpless and sad and disappointed with myself all in one go, all becuase of 1 moment of folly.

My personal viewpoint is that if you love a woman, you won’t ever hit her.

Even if she has done you wrong.

Men Do Not Hit Women. Period.

Ask yourself this, do you honestly love her or are you settling down with her because she is a “nice lady”? If you love her, how can you live with yourself after you have hit her? Don’t you think she deserves someone better than you?


can any bros advise what to do now? feel damn jia lad and nervous and...sigh...how to win back her confidence now?

Honestly you don’t deserve to get her back. More so since this is the 2nd time you have hit her. Why should she give you another chance? Do you deserve it simply because you have committed to the pending marriage financially?

I feel that it is time for you to reflect on WHY you want to marry her. Are you marrying her because you can't do without her? Or because you figure she is the best you are going to get? If you love her so much then WHY did you feel hitting her was a good way to resolve the conflict?

[Castrol]

No lah. I want to put it in this manner: A mirror has 2 sides. on one side, you can see yourself, and on the other side, you can't. One cannot see his fault when he is standing on the "wrong" side (without reflection)

Make sense or not?? :D

ok ok ming bai liao... ming bai liao... :D

[newbadass]

I tend to disagree that men should never hit women. If a woman was pointing a gun at me and it was a matter of survival, I would not only hit her with utmost pleasure - I might kill her as well :D

Chivalry and being a gentleman is all well and good, bros. But as with all things, let's not be extreme.

I will instead say that the use of physical violence to settle emotional disputes is immature and undisciplined. This goes for women as well. Just because their girly slaps can't really hurt me doesn't mean I condone similarly childish behaviour from females.

That being said, I have these words for the threadstarter - wake up your idea!

Treat others as you'd like to be treated. She made you angry, sure... but does she hit you when you make her angry? If she does, then both of you have problems. Go get yourself sorted out before you try to be someone's husband or father.

[mahalosux]

before u lose your cool on a woman...always think of her as a 'weaker sex'...by beating a woman will make u look worse off than them...there's where u will start to think b4 u react...

[ken_v2]

apologise sincerely.
further prove yourself by seeking professional help, eg anger management.

you can't control your anger and no matter how much u love her, history _will_ repeat unless something is done.

cheers and hope everything turn up fine for ya.

[fausto]

You need to learn the art of "switching off".

"Yes" and "Orh" work best for me.

Day dream, think of something else. Just SWITCH OFF.

And before you know it. She'll probably give up or she's too tired to complain or she's finished complaining.

No need to resort to violence. It's easy to switch off. Think of the most boring class in your life, where your teacher won't shut up. Then replace teacher with gf or wife and apply same technique of not listening.

[jerichoy2j]

NO USE...Once the ger scare of u... everything is over... sad to say this but it is true..



Hi all bros,

i came here to share becuase i really got no where to turn to. me and my gal fren are going to be married soon, gotta nice flat, nice bridal package and everything going real smooth until today.

we went search for banquets and due to some oversight on my part we quarrelled and to cut the long story short, i screw up big time by slapping her in the heat of the arguement. Her gum bleed a bit. I immediately apologised and i know i really screw up for not controlling my rage. Now my gf have doubts about my character as this is 2nd time i slap her. The whole wedding plans and my relationship with her is in jeopardy. i love her very much and would want to spend my life with her, she is a very noce lady and would acceed to many of my request and accept my eccentricities, she is now scared and worried i am a wife beater. Jia lad...i felt so helpless and sad and disappointed with myself all in one go, all becuase of 1 moment of folly.:(

can any bros advise what to do now? feel damn jia lad and nervous and...sigh...how to win back her confidence now?

bros, i hope u guys dun flame me even though u feel disgusted by by action. i am disgusted with what i did too. I am not a violent person.merely seeking help as i desperate liao.:(

[maverick121]

Bro, i understand yr stiuation, cos i too make the mistake once...
wat i did:

Book a holiday (preferbly a resort, i chose Tioman)
Get something from Tiffany's(kinda pain, but worth it) without her knowing.
gave the gift to her after dinner, in the room, i got it fixed.

BUT for now, ask for her forgiveness, otherwise nothing works.
there are times u need to go down on yr knees, not only when u propose, but when u make stupid mistakes like this one.
tell her she could request for anything in return for her forgiveness, lucky for me, my gf didnt ask for anything, but cried and hug me.

and lastly, NEVER, NEVER, EVER DO IT AGAIN! *Applies to all)

My blessings to ya, pal.(mine finally left me becos i did i again, so maybe i am in no stand to advise u afterall)

[kaizer]

YOU IS DAMN CRAZY! u heng she nvr kao peh kao bu, if not her parents might juz bring chopper come find u. I cannot recalled when was e last time i slapped a girl. but, pls, dont do it again. if not, no free cb kang for u liao.

[mptan]

Bro,

let me share with you a true story. It happen to someone close to me. Just call him Tim. Tim was doing well and his GF was with him for many years. One day, over an arguement, he slap the girl. The girl cried and go home tell her parents. Her dad charge up his house with a knife on his hand. Tim dont dare to come out and his parents had to come upfront to resolve the issue. Luckily police was not called, if not, sure appear front page one.

Years later, Tim got married with another girl. After two years of marriage, he slap his wife when quarrel. She pack her things and left. The next day, her parents called and Tim's parents had to step unfront again to resolve the issue.

After that, i told Tim to go and bring her wife back. But because of face value, he don't want. His wife waited and waited till she cannot tahan anymore and they file for divorce at the end.

I fxxk Tim up cos things doesn't need to turn to this way if he could just control his temper. Don't think just because she is your wife, your sister or your close one than you can lay hands on them. They never owe you anything. Just because they love you and then you can do like that to them.

So now they are separated for three years already. During these years, Tim suffer alot cos he need to fianance the house alone, also to source for half the price of the house to pay to his ex wife as he agreed to buy over her share. Life sucks for him till today. He now everyday also drink and drink just to drown his sorrow.

So bro, if you got a girl who love you, just cherish it. If there is a girl who willing to share with you and also give you a free cb to fxxk, dont screw it up and make life miserable to yourself. Just my two cents...

[Ricorite]

Yes , you have screw up big time.
In fact be prepared for the worst as she is starting to stereotyping u as a wift beater.

Singapore Gals are stubborn and independent, they will not hesitate to leave u if they find you less desirable.

my dear bro, hopefully you can salvage your relation.
I wish u well.:)

[GLer]

Even though i dun like guys who hit gals, but at least you want to salvage the situation. Good luck to u. It will be damn hard to convice her, unless she really love u v much.

[mccormick]

personally, i'm quite neutral to gal/wife beater... whenever my wife told me her friends' was slapped/beaten by their husband... most of the time, i have no comments... cos we are hearing 1 side of the story and dun really know wat caused the slap... however, i still felt that, a guy shouldn't laid their hands on gals... esp their loved ones...

there are times when i have a very heat up argument/ quarrel wif wife and almost raised my hand... i will jus walk away.... then the cold war started.. cold war is anyhow better than a slap, yah?? after few days... back to loving couple again.. hehehe :)

thats how i refrain myself for lying my hands on gals...

[doremond]

Hi bro,

It's time like this that u ponder wat u really wan in yr life, may it be yr wife, yr kids or any of yr close ones even yr job, Yr quick hot temper will cost you more that u think. For a person to blow up and slap his gf/wife not one but twice leaves u thinking wat kind of temper and limit you can go. I've been living for the past 7 yrs with my wifie who has a temper that can blow up in the blink of an eye. Her temper has cost her to change jobs like changing clothes and no frds watsoever. I've to tolerate all this for my kids but that is another story all together. Now Back to you, I will strongly suggest that you first beg/kneel, watever u do, urge her and let her know that you are seeking Prof. help (counseller, anger managemet). Let her know that you are sincere abt changing yrself. if u really love her, tell her that u will postpone the wedding plans until she see results of yr changes. Be sincere and accept any punishment melted out to u. But if it is due to losing of face or money, that you are starting this thread, don't waste yr time on her cause once a damage is done, not much can be repair esp when u laid hands on her.

Hopefully u can resolve this issue and win her back thr yr sincerity and willingness to change. Keep this in mind, treat yr spouse/others as how you wans her to treat u. Anger gets to no where!

Cheers

[genesrp]

bro....

Talk to her when everything cools down. Apologise sincerely and give her the assurance that u will not repeat that again.

[shadowlunar04]

It takes a real, true heart to win back your love. Nothing else. :)

[tanterry]

once hit, you are likely going to hit her again

truth hurts

good luck!

[badboyzbleu]

once u start hitting your wife, u will never stop. as a man we are not as intellectual as woman, thats why we use our most primitive way to retaliate when we are provoked verbally. i always tell my wife, a guy will never win in an argument with a gal. so the best for the gal is to know when to stop. for a guy to hit another guy or gal, you are a loser. u will never go far in life if u have to resort to violence to solve the prob or hitting people becos u cant get hold of yourself. in my previous job, i used to see people causing grevious hurt with or without weapon due to rage. if u cant control ur rage, it will ruin your life. not only your marrige.

[jedycity]

Hi Threadstarted,
All bro have given valuable advises, I don’t comment much. But, I would like to know after 5 days since you have posted and advise given by all.

What have you done? Able to tell us the outcome?

Of course, I wish to hear happy ending. :)

[canthaveenuf]

I had been following this thread and was really impressed and heartened by the concerns fellow samsters have for the threadstarter. The kind of advise given show what a wonderful brotherhood SBF really is.

However, the curious thing is that the threadstarter hasn't been saying much lately. I am also curious to know what is the status now. Maybe he is busy sorting out the stuff. Hopefully we can hear from him soon.

Cheers