Advice on getting a divorce. I am a Malaysian.

[Megatronzombie]

Dear bros,

I have had enough of my wife after 3 years...

Even before we married i forgave her for many things included sleeping for a couple of months with another guy... getting pregnant from another guy (a guy whom I told her not to get close to and she did and he raped her) and abortion... she begged me to have her back and I did... maybe that was a mistake I made...

These days she gets very very commanding. Demanding that I must give her a lot of money. And the worst is when i work hard, she said work is not everything. So what? Money fall from the sky? And she always says I selfish, says I blame her on everything. All I wanted her to do is not to spend like a millionaire when her credit card is all red (and I help her pay as much as i could)... when I wanted to ask her to see what she spends on, she refused to talk about it.

We have fights a lot. As some of you know, I am working in SG and when she comes over to visit me, we fight and I get tired during weekends and can't seem to work well on mondays and tuesdays afterwards... like today... too tired to think...

Due to the previous rape, she will not make love any other way but missionary. She will lie there like deadfish and do nothing. Sometimes I faked enjoying myself so that she won't get upset afterwards... and I resorted to FLs as you bros knows... I can't help it... sometimes I find doing with a FL or Geylang feels more secure than with my own wife...

Maybe I shouldn't mention the above or maybe I am trying to get sympathy from bros... but whatever the case... I am hoping for some advice on divorce procedures...

I was told if I divorce my wife, half of my assets goes to her and I have to pay alimony? I don't want to go to Court with all evidence of my wife doing all sort of stuff... I just want a divorce with consent or something (not sure the correct term)... so that she won't lose face... she has a huge ego problem... she get furious, angry and mad when I scold her in front of anyone. And when I say sorry to her, she use that advantage to ask for presents, or to give way to something she wanted...

I want to know how does the alimony and assets divide goes and whether there are ways I can avoid that. If there isn't, so be it... I have came to a point that losing more than 100K and above is nothing compared to a lifetime of misery...

Pls advise bros... Thanks.

[mebirdie]

First of all, most important

- Do you have children? This is a critical point for alimony to be paid
- You said that you are working in Singapore and she come and visit you? Means that you are not married in SG?

I have only give you some tips for SG only.
The distribution of the assets depends
- Age
- Marriage period
- Sex Life
- Children
- Family contribution like who pay for daily expenditure, house
- Divorce reason - new husband will affect greatly
- Working Capabability
- Adultery Evidences

It range from 0% to 50%. Just ask her not to demand any thing for divorce. In that case, no single cents involved.

[tanmikel]

you can also tell her that if she contest divorce , juicy details will be revealed but then again , you need evidence of her juicy life

[block11]

bro Megatronzombie, you can visit this website for some info on SG laws:

http://www.lawsociety.org.sg/awareness/divorce.htm

there's a contact number at the bottom. call them if you need more info. all the best to you bro ;)

[MisterSportivo]

Even those juicy stuff came out, the guy still need to pay alimony. maybe not so much.

cheers
eric

[steamer]

i think also depends wthr ur marriage registered in m'sia or sg; if in m'sia, u may need to consult m'sia bros.
all the best

[Castrol]

Even before we married i forgave her for many things included sleeping for a couple of months with another guy... getting pregnant from another guy (a guy whom I told her not to get close to and she did and he raped her) and abortion...

good grief...

[Ronsee]

good grief...

haha i salute the threadstarter for his BIG heart towards his wife. Honestly if it was me...i would have fark her off long time ago.

Anyway thats just me.

Cheers

[Megatronzombie]

Dear bros,

Thanks for the info.

The website is for SG marriages but I registered marriage in Malaysia about 2 years ago no more than 3 years.

Me and my wife works. Both of us is about 27 - 29 age.

No children at the moment.

No adultery after we married except for the case she claimed she was raped, that was after marriage registration.

I previously strongly suggest that we see a marriage councillor but she refused.

I really do not wish to put more pain by putting up with the juicy details. Yes I have details in hardcopy, findings etc.

Any input?

[Castrol]

haha i salute the threadstarter for his BIG heart towards his wife. Honestly if it was me...i would have fark her off long time ago.


i'm very sure he has some reasons, but sometimes its good to lay off a while before making a decision.

[Midnightiger]

Dear bros,

Thanks for the info.

The website is for SG marriages but I registered marriage in Malaysia about 2 years ago no more than 3 years.

Me and my wife works. Both of us is about 27 - 29 age.

No children at the moment.

No adultery after we married except for the case she claimed she was raped, that was after marriage registration.

I previously strongly suggest that we see a marriage councillor but she refused.

I really do not wish to put more pain by putting up with the juicy details. Yes I have details in hardcopy, findings etc.

Any input?

Although I'm recently divorced, I would try to advice against it if I can.

Now, you mentioned that you suggested going to a marriage councillor but you wife refused. I take it that in your heart, you actually wanted to hang on to your marriage for whatever reasons best known to you, be it love, owe her in your previous life or whatever. So on your part, there are good signs. The problem now is on her part.

She seems to be "in control" of your relationship where she can demand, be firm, ignore or whatever and you generally have to give in. There must be a reason to that. The fact that you even married her despite her being unfaithful and unreasonable towards you must have some reasons behind. Maybe you don't want others to know, it doesn't matter.

What you need to do is to use the "shock" treatment method. Engage a lawyer from Malaysia and give instruction to the lawyer to send her a letter indicating that you are filing for divorce for whatever reasons you may want to list, like unreasonable behaviour in the excessive credit card spending, poor sex between both or you, and whatever you want to let her know why you want to divorce her.

Now, why I suggest you list everything that you are unhappy out. The reason is because, she may not want to divorce you and may want to make up back. I'm assuming that if she does, you would probably take her back. So listing out everything you are unhappy about, will put you in an advantage position in that she has to change or accommodate your requirements. Hopefully, your requirements are reasonable.

If she agrees to the divorce, then there is no problem and your lawyer will then advice you accordingly. Just go through it and life carries on.

My 2 cents worth.

[Megatronzombie]

Although I'm recently divorced, I would try to advice against it if I can.

Now, you mentioned that you suggested going to a marriage councillor but you wife refused. I take it that in your heart, you actually wanted to hang on to your marriage for whatever reasons best known to you, be it love, owe her in your previous life or whatever. So on your part, there are good signs. The problem now is on her part.

She seems to be "in control" of your relationship where she can demand, be firm, ignore or whatever and you generally have to give in. There must be a reason to that. The fact that you even married her despite her being unfaithful and unreasonable towards you must have some reasons behind. Maybe you don't want others to know, it doesn't matter.

What you need to do is to use the "shock" treatment method. Engage a lawyer from Malaysia and give instruction to the lawyer to send her a letter indicating that you are filing for divorce for whatever reasons you may want to list, like unreasonable behaviour in the excessive credit card spending, poor sex between both or you, and whatever you want to let her know why you want to divorce her.

Now, why I suggest you list everything that you are unhappy out. The reason is because, she may not want to divorce you and may want to make up back. I'm assuming that if she does, you would probably take her back. So listing out everything you are unhappy about, will put you in an advantage position in that she has to change or accommodate your requirements. Hopefully, your requirements are reasonable.

If she agrees to the divorce, then there is no problem and your lawyer will then advice you accordingly. Just go through it and life carries on.

My 2 cents worth.

Hi bro,

I have gone through the reconciliation part many times and half the times even when I am not wrong, I forced myself to apologised so that the matter can be resolved... I am very very sick and tired of apologising and having her being angry or upset at me for things I do but I don't feel that I am wrong and having her keep making me promise to do this better that better. The fact is I feel I am the only one trying to make things better here and I am shit tired about the whole thing... why does she have the right to demand this and demand that while she can lay back while I work like dog?

Another thing is, if I issue a lawyer's letter, I know here very well. She will immediately misconstrued the whole thing, get very very angry, scream and then cry a lot say she hate me for the rest of her life and she will remember this till the day she dies and storm away or start hitting me. And I fear the things she might do like sleeping with someone which she did last time when she wasnt happy with me... So no issuing letter...

I want to just talk to her one last time, maybe this weekend and if nothing can be resolved and she reduced to a screaming kicking wreck, I will have to then end it then and there. She will definitely threaten with alimony etc and I will tell her we will let the Court decide.

[GTOKING]

Brother , i think you should talk to her nicely about the future , just ask her to think about it, let her free time to cool down , you can propose to her
to have a cool down period about 2 week or 1 month , after the period then decide .......:)

[Megatronzombie]

Brother , i think you should talk to her nicely about the future , just ask her to think about it, let her free time to cool down , you can propose to her
to have a cool down period about 2 week or 1 month , after the period then decide .......:)

... the last time a cooling period happened, she went and slept with someone..

[Sanction]

It seems like your marriage has reached a point of no return. You used to love her more than she loves you and that's the reason you have been putting up with her all this while. Fair, if you have decided to proceed with the divorce proceeding, after reading all the advice given, then be prepared to go through the psychological & emotional aspects of divorce. It's tough pal! My only advice to you : channel out all your cash b4 your divorce proceeding. All the best.

[humpcheepang]

... the last time a cooling period happened, she went and slept with someone..

It is a real sad story to hear, and truly sorry about your present state bro. By your said situation, it is better to part ways, or more sufferings will come. It is difficult to change one character. If you have no child, and she is working too, I don't think you have to pay or may just pay little for the alimony. By most, you have to sell away your present house and spilt the earnings.

Good luck bro!

[no_faith]

do wrong behind ur back, back to u still wana be bitch.
i really salute u for still able to accept her. i will ask her to fark off.
sry for so offensive.

imho, better check with lawyer firm or wif the respective garmen dept to know more.

[Megatronzombie]

do wrong behind ur back, back to u still wana be bitch.
i really salute u for still able to accept her. i will ask her to fark off.
sry for so offensive.

imho, better check with lawyer firm or wif the respective garmen dept to know more.

garment dept :confused:

[tomvoyeur]

garment dept

Doubt any garmen dept will look into such domestic issue.....Looking through ur greivances, if I m in the same situation, I will choose the divorce route....If u have made up ur mind, plan ur divorce case carefully with a lawyer without her knowing abt it...What u hope to achieve here is damage limitation....Good Luck!

[Xdecepticon]

Dont know about Msian Law. But in sillypore, the bloody "Woman Charter Act" really pain in the ass and a "threat" to us Man!

[spidey69]

Bro Mega,

Hi.. really emphatise with u cos i had been thru a divorce myself.. it hurts like hell ( more in terms of emotionally, less in terms of financially ) n i took a long long time to recover..

from the few posts u wrote, it seems like divorce is the only way out.. imagine ur wife during quarrels, cooling-off periods etc can suka suka go sleep around :confused: i mean what kind of behavior is that??

as for the alimony part, u have to start planning now.. like some bros suggested, u may 1st start by safekeeping your own assets ( eg jewelry, watches, personal savings etc ).. My ex ran away with all the wedding jewelry and joint-savings.. Woman when they have a change in heart can be very very very vicious..

also since u do not have kids, u may wanna opt to pay her alimony in 1 lump sum instead of monthly.. in the way u do not not to see her again in future.

good luck bro.. i understand it is a rough patch u r going thru but trust me, there will be light at the end of the tunnel.:)

[tungsten]

This is too much....

Seriously divorced her.

She is not worth it. There are things that is tolerable and there are things that can not be tolerated at all.

If you have doneall the things possible (in your own view) and she has not changed at all then it could be due to anyone of the reason below
1. Either you are not really interested to try
2. You lost your love for her
3. She is really a bitch in disguise as a fairy when you married her
4. She is so used to you giving in then no "shock therapy will work

If any reason above apply I would suggest a divorced straight away
1. Since you lost the interest to try, might as well end in then to suffer
2. No love... What marriage?
3. She is a bitch, what you still waiting for?
4. If her character has been totally warped, either you throw away your backbone or you leave the marriage.

Bottom line is ask yourself whether you want to carry it through despite the emotion hurt associated with divorce.

If you make a decision to carry it through then stick to your guns despite all her wailing, whining, threats and whatsoever. Any wavering of your resolve and you are dead. Life will be more miserable for you if you play the divorce card but failed to carry it through for the second time (if first time can still give chance, second is NO WAY!)

Use her ego to your advantage (I know I am mean, but if a girl wants to play bitch, we are just being forced to play bastard). Consult your lawayer friends on the best way to use the evidence to your benefit. He will know what to do if he is worth his salt.

Last and most important, please do not be stingy on the lawyer fees, they can save your ass big time.

[no_faith]

then the prob comes, wat happen she dun wan to sign the divorce papaers?

[mansgp]

Dear bros,

I have had enough of my wife after 3 years...

Pls advise bros... Thanks.

I felt responsible for my decision to marry my ex-wife and suffered in silence for 10 years. To top it off, we had a son. Everyone around me kept asking me to divorce her, including my family, frens, and colleagues. She is totally unreasonable, selfish, lazy, u name all the bad points and she has it.

Ultimately, afterI was assaulted by her continuously for a few days without my retaliation, I had it. I moved out, filed for divorce, which she pleaded me to withdrawn. I managed to finally convince her to proceed as there is no love left but she begged me to withdraw all my documentary proof of her infidelities as she does not want to be embarassed. Against the advise of my lawyer, I acceded to her request in view that she is the mother of my child. Sad to say, once all these are done, she started contesting and filed for alimony. She even screamed and acted like an insane woman when I once wanted to let my son stay overnight at my place.

Bottom line of my own story is: Do not be too soft hearted, especially with woman who deserves no sympathy. Hide whatever assets or cash in banks u have. Go on and get a NEW LIFE my fren.

[LeDivorcee]

bro... i sympatise with you about your situation. My advise for you is to think carefully about the next step you want to do.

Having been there and done that... no matter what proof you have, you still have to pay alimony until the day she remarry again. Even if she agrees to be no contest, there is still the Women's Charter to think about.

I am not sure about your case since the marriage is registered under Malaysia Law, but I think the basic principle applies...

Finally, good luck to you no matter which way you decide... May the force be with you...

[newyorker88]

... the last time a cooling period happened, she went and slept with someone..


Bro,
It seens that you are in real deep shit here. As for malaysia law, I dono anything. Good to have this forum where you can let out some steam. After reading thru what you have wrote and what other brothers have said. It is all up to you.

No kids involved? Makes things much simplier. Marriage is between 2 person, and when there is no love left, time to move on. Not trying to put the axe between your wife and you.

IMHO, your wife needs help. Psychological help. She still bear scars from the previous relationship( guy who rape her and abortion). I also have very good reasons to believe that her family is not as good as you think. Could be an abusive dad or mum.

Ultimately, you have to question your heart. What you want. To divorce or to put up with her.

My suggestion is that is you want to stay with her, MAKE SURE BOTH GOES FOR MARRIAGE COUNSELLING. There is nothing wrong in admitting that the marriage is on the rocks. Every couple goes thru some quarrels at times. If she wants face and dont want to admit that there is a RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM, tell her that it will get worse and both of you will suffer with no end.

If you want to divorce, be prepared for the cold hard feelings. If she threaten to end her life and so on, are you prepared for it? What you going to do in such situation? TO go ahead or not? It is all in your heart, on wat you want to do next.

All brothers here sympathise with you. Best of luck to you.

Just to side track abit, I have heard about aborted babies spirits disturbing the parents. It is up to you to go and figure it out.

[nitecrawllerr]

Just to side track abit, I have heard about aborted babies spirits disturbing the parents. It is up to you to go and figure it out.

Hmm...i love the subjects of mystics & supernatural. :cool:

[candidfan]

1st. Inform everyone u just lost a fortune on gambling & have to repay a huge debt.
2nd. Cancel any credit cards u have.
3rd. Sell any assets u have, such as car/house on the pretext that if u do not, someone will chop u.
4th. Keep everything left over in a foreign bank a/c.
5th. Stay in a rented 1 BR apt .
6th. See how long she can stand being poor. With no money & assets, u have got nothing she wants & can hope to gain by staying with u.

Don't be a pussy, be in control. If u give ur wife an allowance everymonth, then she shld be listening to u. But if u get a monthly allowance from her instead, then work harder or let her control u for the rest of ur life.
I wonder how many of u actually go to work & tell ur boss he/she shld give u a higher salary ,shorter working hrs & longer breaks. If u don't do that, i have no idea why u would tolerate years of such abuse at home?

[1acoruna69]

All the best to you !!

[playboy82]

I felt responsible for my decision to marry my ex-wife and suffered in silence for 10 years. To top it off, we had a son. Everyone around me kept asking me to divorce her, including my family, frens, and colleagues. She is totally unreasonable, selfish, lazy, u name all the bad points and she has it.

Ultimately, afterI was assaulted by her continuously for a few days without my retaliation, I had it. I moved out, filed for divorce, which she pleaded me to withdrawn. I managed to finally convince her to proceed as there is no love left but she begged me to withdraw all my documentary proof of her infidelities as she does not want to be embarassed. Against the advise of my lawyer, I acceded to her request in view that she is the mother of my child. Sad to say, once all these are done, she started contesting and filed for alimony. She even screamed and acted like an insane woman when I once wanted to let my son stay overnight at my place.

Bottom line of my own story is: Do not be too soft hearted, especially with woman who deserves no sympathy. Hide whatever assets or cash in banks u have. Go on and get a NEW LIFE my fren.

Maybe u can teach us how to hide our assets? cos all of us had cash in bank, is it to all cash out, then all the cash keep at home?