Stoopid/Funnie things said during/after sex [Archive]

Bangster

13-09-2008, 12:56 AM

Amid the throes of passions....
many a time the brains does not function logically anymore.

What are some of the stupid and/or funny and/or strange things you guys have heard, or even muttered yourself while doing the deed?

Heehee..

I've a few myself...here goes:

Heard:
1) "am I very slutty?"
2) "can I be your girlfriend?"
3) "faster. I got stomachache." <- this one really is nabey one

Mentioned:
1) "Later want to go eat what?"
2) "I want to fart...poooooooo!!" <- that spelt the end of the session

:D:D

starystarynite

13-09-2008, 01:07 AM

some more :)

why you so fat?
what if your OC call?
hungry, what to have dinner later??

fujifilm

13-09-2008, 01:43 AM

My friend's experience with a FL in Malaysia.

During sex...
FL: "scratch for me backside... itchy on left side... higher, higher, aiya, stop poking, scratch for me first! arghh... ok, let's continue."

When he told me that, I was like :p:p

fenwick

13-09-2008, 08:10 AM

While licking her pussy : ' Don't want la, dirty dirty.........ah ahhhhh !! ' ( but her hands keep pressing my head down ! ) :rolleyes::p:p

dexblu

13-09-2008, 02:31 PM

After sex n shower....

"Where's my panties ??" :D

DizzyMage

13-09-2008, 02:54 PM

She said:
1) Faster... Arr...Yes... Arrhh.. Wait! Did u wear? WTF!!!
2) My breast one big one small leh.
3) How cum ur balls one high one low?

I said:
1) Yes... Sally... Yes... Hmmm... Ops... Sandy dear...
2) Yes... Christy... Hmmm... Ye...ss... Ops... Christine dear...

Bangster

13-09-2008, 03:29 PM

From one of my army friends, he screwed his gf raw when she was having period.

After the act, he took his cock out, super bloody.

Gf: "Wah lan eh, you having menses or I having menses?"

:D

foooah

13-09-2008, 04:01 PM

From one of my army friends, he screwed his gf raw when she was having period.

After the act, he took his cock out, super bloody.

Gf: "Wah lan eh, you having menses or I having menses?"

:D

HAHAHAHAHA...good one bro! we all knw hw that looks like!

cheongsterjon

13-09-2008, 04:19 PM

'oohhh please ooohhh i'm peeing..'

The above is sibei gei yan...she uttered that when she was about to cum....i almost laughed out loud..

Amour

13-09-2008, 04:22 PM

wodemama

13-09-2008, 11:35 PM

'oohhh please ooohhh i'm peeing..'

The above is sibei gei yan...she uttered that when she was about to cum....i almost laughed out loud..

hahaha, bro i buay tahan laughing. lol, that girl from which country one? hahaha

cultureshock

14-09-2008, 01:25 AM

hahaha!!! this really make me laff non stop!!!

cheongsterjon

14-09-2008, 09:15 AM

She's from SG. A girl I picked up from MOS. Guess she was just trying to be funny or she's abit high from the alcohol..

wodemama

14-09-2008, 09:36 AM

icic,rofl if i were you i would have laughed out on the spot . haha

newbadass

14-09-2008, 03:00 PM

Girl: "Can you please stop smoking while you're on top? I'm not your bloody ash tray OK..." :eek:

wodemama

14-09-2008, 03:03 PM

Girl: "Can you please stop smoking while you're on top? I'm not your bloody ash tray OK..." :eek:

Bro, respect. You can multi task till like that! :eek: haha. Your hand and hips co-ordination must be godly!

KC_King

14-09-2008, 03:05 PM

'oohhh please ooohhh i'm peeing..'

The above is sibei gei yan...she uttered that when she was about to cum....

Bro, you have hit a jackpot there. Should have asked her to let loose and let it go there and then. You have got yourself one of the elusive squirter :)

WOOHOO

14-09-2008, 03:13 PM

quoted from one of the blogs I read

G: boy, can you get me this bag huh?? can you please get me that...
wahahaha all while in the process of farking...

Bangster

14-09-2008, 04:18 PM

Haha that girl must be a trained master negotiator in tense and difficult situations...

The guy must have promised her anything and everything she asked for during the act...

But the girl must not have known 1 thing.....that however fantastic your negotiation skills are...we guys are master promise-breakers...hahahahahaha

Bangster

14-09-2008, 04:28 PM

One classic funny moment my cousin told me...went like this:

His friend, A, was in Bangkok for a short trip with a group of male buddies.

At night, A went out alone to look for fun. Halfway, he got a stomachache, so he went in search of a toilet to pang sai.

After a rather siong pang-sai session(must be due to the tom yum and spicy food there), he cleaned up and continued his way to the whore house or pub, not too sure where he ended up at.

Anyways fast forward abit, the prostitute was in the room with him liao...both naked and engaging in foreplay after abit of washup. Then the pros turned him over on all fours, meaning he assumed a doggie position and thereafter the pros started to give him an ASS RIMMING!!

She was licking and licking and he was really enjoying it, and when she was done, she climbed onto him and asked, "you just shitted is it?"

He was terrified at this moment, cos he was worried that he might not have cleaned very thoroughly.

He then asked her, "how you know?"

The reply that came was rather uncommon...

"Oh. Because your asshole very hot."

Haha...so i guess our assholes radiates heat also...
Dont take too much spicy food if you guys are going for AR..

:D

Charmaine

15-09-2008, 06:16 PM

Actual things muttered by women I've screwed (true stories!):

"Do you think I'm a sex maniac..?" (sweeping her hair behind her ears while bouncing on top, asking almost apologetically)

"Con... con... condom..." (left hand pointing towards the direction of my bag while getting banged raw; I could hardly hear her because she was breathing so hard)

"Don't ever leave me ok.." (during a one-night stand session; I almost bolted my way out of the door when I heard it)

"Protein, right?" (smiling after swallowing the load)

"Do you want me to blow you..?" (looking up at me with my prick a mere inch away from her mouth. That question was so stupid I almost said "No")

and the Oscar goes to..

"I don't know how to.." (trying her utmost to look like it's the first time she's seen a penis while giving a mindblowing handjob complete with just the right amount of wetness and expert carassing of the balls. Yeah RIGHT.)

Bangster

15-09-2008, 06:44 PM

Brudder, why your name is chabor name? Or are you a sister?

Hahha I like the "Don't leave me ok?"
That is a potential stalker.
:eek:

D-joker

15-09-2008, 06:51 PM

My fren told me this joke before...

A guy hooks up a gal from a bar and after went to the gal house and have sex...

After having sex, the guy ask the gal whose is the guy in the picture frame beside the bed...

The gal reply...

"Oh!!! That was me before the sex change..."

:eek:

whitegals

15-09-2008, 09:26 PM

I ever kena this one, I was invited to a house party, and while I was there, I had quite a bit to drink, pulled this gal and she dragged me into one of the rooms and we started f**king. Halfway through I wanted to switch to doggie, she jumped out of bed and ran to the window and said she wanted it while hanging half outside.

So I banged her while she was screaming her head off at people walking down the street when my buddy from university (the guy who brought me to the party) came in and laughed and gave me the thumbs up. So being the good buddy I was, I pulled out and let him have a go. :D

I went downstairs to get another drink and about 20 mins later, while I was getting down to business with another gal, he came running down the stairs with a shocked look on his face. He saw me and came running up to me and shouted," DID YOU KNOW THAT WAS MY SISTER?!" :eek:

fujifilm

16-09-2008, 12:20 AM

... He saw me and came running up to me and shouted," DID YOU KNOW THAT WAS MY SISTER?!" :eek:

walau! Good One! Hahahah!:p

fenwick

16-09-2008, 01:35 AM

I went downstairs to get another drink and about 20 mins later, while I was getting down to business with another gal, he came running down the stairs with a shocked look on his face. He saw me and came running up to me and shouted," DID YOU KNOW THAT WAS MY SISTER?!" :eek:

Ha ha ha !!! That was really a good one bro...:D

I remember another stupid thing said by ME when i screw my Virgin GF ! Think she's 18 yrs liao. I remember telling her : Don't worry darling, i only put in a bit la ! You'll still remain a virgin until we get married ...;):D

cpcheongster

16-09-2008, 01:45 AM

i remember my friend told me he managed to upz a lesbian b4.

when they were having sex, the lesbian asked my friend "why ur dick is not as hard as the dildo my girlfriend used?"

he did not answer her but after the ejaculation, he told her "if u wan the real thing, it is always not as hard as the fake 1 but it can make u pregnant.:p"

Bangster

16-09-2008, 02:32 AM

....He saw me and came running up to me and shouted," DID YOU KNOW THAT WAS MY SISTER?!" :eek:

omg...:eek: that was just unfortunate.

No offence but I thought I've read a similar joke somewhere, but then again it could be just me.

Anyways thanks for contributing.

fallen_angel

16-09-2008, 11:34 AM

well... the worse i had ever heard from a gal is...

"are u done?"

the funniest i had ever heard from a joke is..

"is it in, dear? (INDIA)

Funny thing is when it happens to u, it becomes the worst, but sound damn funny when it happens to someone else... :D

semen

16-09-2008, 11:41 AM

There a times when I really wanna fart but it was just untimely and rude during sex. Telling them would be a real turn off:D

Furyman

16-09-2008, 01:35 PM

suteerak1099

16-09-2008, 02:34 PM

pre intercourse
she: "honey, quick go shower. make it fast, i need to empty my bladder"
me: "what's the diff? nothing to be shy about... come join me in the shower, gotta wash up anyway"
she: - guai guai follow into the bathroom -

foreplay (during painting)
she: "no, dear, oooh... don't... it's nt hygienic"
me: - painting still in progress -
she: "oh, ohh... dont... don't... don't stop" (hands caressing & guiding my head to the right spot)

post intercourse
she: (looking at the finished load, grinning from ear to ear) "honey, i see u've been a good boy huh?"
me: "of cos, n there's plenty more from where that came from"
she: "luckily we're using the cap today, or i'd be expecting quadruplets or quints"
me: "geez, i'm curious will it be quadruplets or quints, let's find out" <wink>

nolucknoob

16-09-2008, 08:04 PM

loads of funny stuff over here..

my friend once told me that during intercourse with a prostitute, he was already pumping hard & she asked him one thing..

' are u in already'

on another occasion, another gal asked him:

gal: ' u cum already'
guy: 'not yet'
gal: 'y so long'
guy: ' dunno, maybe the hum from the char kuay tiao got problem'

story is he hooked up a gal, both makan char kuay tiao, then both stomache upset during foreplay... :p

end up, no action for him cos both tio 'lao sai'

whitegals

07-10-2008, 12:17 AM

Wah lau, dun talk about lau sai ah, I remember a 2 yrs back the christmas, I pulled this gal partying at Chijmes, knn, drunk until cannot stand, went to 81, bang her missionary halfway thru, she lau sai all over the bed.....

Straight away went to half-mast.... couldn't wake her, so I showered and left.... :(

wodemama

07-10-2008, 12:27 AM

Sols565

07-10-2008, 04:03 AM

GF says these after sex:

"I very fat hor..." she has a 24inch waist. :confused:

"At the rate that you come onto my belly ring, I think sooner or later my belly
ring will get pregnant"

"Eee... Why I always so wet one..."

Before sex:

"Can I be on top so that I can train my core muscles like you?"

"Lets just hug each other to sleep ok. Tonight no sex." (when she says these, she is holding on to me already marikita flag pole)

When Im licking her:

"Baby why you lick will burp but I suck i wont burp?" :confused:

Xgenre

07-10-2008, 09:22 AM

After a rather siong pang-sai session(must be due to the tom yum and spicy food there), he cleaned up and continued his way to the whore house or pub, not too sure where he ended up at.

the pros started to give him an ASS RIMMING!!

She was licking and licking and he was really enjoying it, and when she was done, she climbed onto him and asked, "you just shitted is it?"

He then asked her, "how you know?"

The reply that came was rather uncommon...

"Oh. Because your asshole very hot."

Haha...so i guess our assholes radiates heat also...
Dont take too much spicy food if you guys are going for AR..

I think you got it wrong. Your friend's body shitted out the spices that are upsetting his stomach. When the WL said his asshole is hot, she meant his asshole is hot (as in spicy) and not hot (as in heat). It doesn't make sense for his asshole to be heated at it's on the surface of his body. Shitting doesn't generate heat from friction. ;)

Bangster

07-10-2008, 11:08 AM

wah this one I gotta give it to you Bro...

I'll be first to admit I really dont know cos I dont hav such an experience(giver or taker)!!

anyways, it's told by my army pal lah...many yrs liao.

Seether

07-10-2008, 02:54 PM

a mate of mine once told me that to piss her then boyfriend off, she asked if he was in yet.

his reply? "yeah, it's like throwing a sausage down the hallway!"

needless to say, the two of them are no longer together.

and yes, she really did feel like I was hurling a weiner down a huge hallway.

hondasleeper

07-10-2008, 07:49 PM

I was seeing this nurse one time. We had been seeing one another for about 2 weeks.

One night after our first session she asked me, "Why don't we get married?"

WTF??

I told her "Are you out of your fucking mind?" :eek:

She asked "Why?"

"I hardly know you."

"oh ok."

We fucked like rabbits later.

She likes to scream. Unfortunately I'm not seeing her anymore. The sex was good but she wasn't too bright.

thaisex&rub

07-10-2008, 08:11 PM

hahahaah...
after reading so much of "funnie things said"...i feel that i really have to contribute some...
I was having fun with an FL (Korean), then after all the foreplay and what not, I was penetrating her big time, then as I was pumping her fast and furious, she was screaming and was about to cum(can feel that cos she was hugging me tightly and encouraging me to go faster and harder), then a thought came to my mind, "what's her name?" then i thought why not ask her, but, i didn't ask for her name, instead i blurted out, as i was still going at her at break neck speed, "WHAT'S YOUR FATHER'S NAME?",....hahahahha...you guys should try this while bonking and see the look on the girl's face...hahahhaha...i can still remember to this day.

cheers
happy bonking!

whitegals

07-10-2008, 09:31 PM

WOW, i feel for you bro! That scene must be vivid still now right? :eek:

I still remember everything about her, how she looked, what she was wearing, where her tattoo was, and how her sai came out in a fan shape on the bedsheet...

Still trying to forget..... :(

sex4LiFe

07-10-2008, 09:48 PM

there was once i got horny as I was watching American Next Top Model with my OC... can't help it la some of the models damn chio. :D

Anyway, decided to rape my OC - pulled down her thongs and enter her missionary during commercial break.. at first she was rather turn on coz i was rough and all.. pumped her for about 5 mins and I was closing my eyes fantasizing that she was one of the models..

suddenly, i heard this - "OEI! Don't block the TV leh! Start already!".

Eric22

08-10-2008, 12:27 AM

Haha... All these posts really make my day...
Cheers bro...

MikeyRocks

08-10-2008, 01:33 AM

Doing doggie, then she fanny fart..

she: Oh my God, you're so disgusting!!!
me: that was you, my dear.
she: ah?
me: thats a fanny fart. I'll explain after I'm done.

the upside of this was it distract me so i tahan longer. hahahahaah!

Bangster

08-10-2008, 02:22 AM

I still remember everything about her, how she looked, what she was wearing, where her tattoo was, and how her sai came out in a fan shape on the bedsheet...

Still trying to forget..... :(

Why will a drunk girl lao sai?? And how did she manage to create a nice fan shape? I take it that you meant a chinese foldable fan carried by ancient beauties in period dramas...but then that begs the question >>

Was the shape of the sai on the bedsheet of an unopened or opened fan?

Heehee...

I've heard pple say "kan gao bo-luck" (fuck till no strength), but never "kan gao lao-sai" !!

HAHAHAHAAH
The sai got kena your thighs or not? Or your chin? Hehee

whitegals

08-10-2008, 11:22 PM

Why will a drunk girl lao sai?? And how did she manage to create a nice fan shape? I take it that you meant a chinese foldable fan carried by ancient beauties in period dramas...but then that begs the question >>

Was the shape of the sai on the bedsheet of an unopened or opened fan?

Heehee...

I've heard pple say "kan gao bo-luck" (fuck till no strength), but never "kan gao lao-sai" !!

HAHAHAHAAH
The sai got kena your thighs or not? Or your chin? Hehee

Wah piang eh bro,

You damn solid lah, how I know why she lau sai? If I had known I would have picked someone else, got so many to choose from that night.

Yah lah, those chinese fan type, her sai squirted out like a cone shape lah, knn my thighs and balls lah, damn disgusting lah.... KNN, now I talk about it, I feel like going for shower again.... :mad:

alanthegreat

08-10-2008, 11:38 PM

suddenly, i heard this - "OEI! Don't block the TV leh! Start already!".

i believe most of us got this problem. my gf never mentioned she want to watch the tv.. but the direction she looks (which is the tv) turns me off completely everytime. i gotta admit, last time im also like that.. esp staying overnight at 81 on saturday nights when there is epl, whenever the commentator/crowd noise seems exciting, i will pause or slow down a while. i think she is not happy with it either .. haa.. so that's equal.