Gers Are Still Gers

[mayday]

hmm..seems like lotsa bros here haf problem w gf nagging and all the bs tt they throw at us..maybe woman and man are really tt much diff after all. haiz. then again, i think woman cant really be tt bad rite? if not whose gonna mother our sons?? lolz..juz my 2 cents.

[MoonBlaze]

Originally Posted by Monkeybiz

hmmm... i've tried to talk to my girl about how I felt and such, it backfired and it ended that I got myself screwed big time.

girls... never seem to understand them.

Cannot understand why she will not listen to your reasoning.
Can't she see you wanna make things work?

Imagine, if both of you eventually settle down together, raise a family and so on..but you just tolerate her nagging and stuff like that, living with misery on that aspect.

Suddenly one day, a girl walk into your life, one that is caring, not naggy, does not engage verbal battles with you and most importantly likes you and vice-versa. Basically someone with something you had been missing all these years. What is going to happen? Rather you make a decision on your present cross road than you regret later having to make that kind of decision again later in your life with many other things tangled with it like kids, housing, etc and also with time not on your side.

Off course there could be a happier ending contrary to the extreme senerio i had painted.

Just want you to know that words cannot describe the agony of going thr a failed marriage. Try to do it right the first time.

Guess you gotta sort it out with her or by yourself.

Wish you luck.

Cheer up!

[OceanEleven]

Originally Posted by Monkeybiz

hmmm... i've tried to talk to my girl about how I felt and such, it backfired and it ended that I got myself screwed big time.

girls... never seem to understand them.

Then I guess you have to make your presence felt then, show her that you are not to be push around, let her know that she needs you as much as you need her and of course the earth still revolve even without her. In a relationship after certain time, we tend to take each other for granted so we must always cautious ourselves to treasure the pple around us.

Sometimes, it take very alot of pain for one to learn. There is a price for very lesson.

[Monkeybiz]

thanks guys. I guess I'll have to be patience with her for a couple of months before I decided to break the ice that I can't stand her around anymore.

[thaivisitor]

Originally Posted by Monkeybiz

hmmm... just wondering... how did you guys manage to deal with girls who talk too much?

honestly, I'm in a middle of a fucked up relationship and the focus is always on her. But whatever I do, she always saves up shit to complain...

like a dinner...
"Why do you have to spend so much money in this restaurant? Just take me anywhere eat can liao...."
one day, I took her to eat fastfood "Why you wanna eat this? so fattening..."
took her to a hawker... "Why eat in this stuffy place?"
took her to a foodcourt... "Why must we eat the terrible food here? expensive somemore"

in sex... lagi best
20 mins "Why u make me cum so soon?"
50 mins "why can't u cum sooner?"

and for the 'pick her up' incident, almost the same as what you guys are going thru...

i felt that i'm a handicap when it comes to arguement... and of course, whenever we're arguing, her reasons just don't make sense... as if she's not going to let 'SENSE' fucked up her arguements...

Bro, don't need to be confuse lah... Women don't have to make sense.

A simple way to end anytihng she wants to say is be direct. Example;

"Why do you have to spend so much money in this restaurant? Just take me anywhere eat can liao...."

Answer will be I bring you here b'cos I like this place, nothing to do with you...

took her to a foodcourt... "Why must we eat the terrible food here? expensive somemore"

Answer will be b'cos I like this place or the food here. I'm the one paying not you, so don't complain. OR, ok, you go to where you want, I'll eat here, and we meet later at ......

BTW, don't heed my adivce unless you're planning to break off or get rid of her

[thaivisitor]

Originally Posted by MoonBlaze

Like the case of picking the place/food to dine/eat, ask her where. If she say anything will do, then you suggest and get her to agree. Later she complain, tell her she already agreeded what. Next time, tell her to suggest.

Think she belongs to the naggy type. Very difficult to accomodate and please. Guess it's her personalities. Think about it, is your love for her strong enough to take her personalities

Have a good talk with her on what you think about her. Ask her for her opinion about you. It should be both ways. Dun bottle all "unhappiness" up inside your self. Talk to her in a nice manner, tell her you love her and want to make thing works, if she really loves you, she will appreciate and hopefully put in efforts to make the relationship a happier one.

Choosing a "right" partner is important especially after all the "honeymoon period" is over. Shortcomings of each other starts to appear and problem will arise. These are testing moments of the relationship, pass it you will move forward, fail it move on with life.

Cheer up and Good luck!!

That's why I always say its NOT enough if you love someone. Very important that you need to "LIKE" the someone. What's the point if you love a girl but can't stand her habits, or character, etc, etc...

You're going to end up being miserable, and if you marry, get ready for divorce.

[thaivisitor]

Originally Posted by OceanEleven

Miss, ask yourself, what is submissive? Who wants a submissive wife or GF, might as well I get a maid, still a woman, tell her go left wont turn right, tell her sit down wont stand up. We are adults, know what is right and wrong, when to do what or say what, treat others with respect and be more understanding then I guess we can enjoy a better relationship.

We don’t need the wife to bring us the paper and slipper when we are home, don’t even expect three dish one soup laid on the table for dinner due to her work commitments but perhaps the basic courtesy in communication is not too much to ask for. What do we man look for in a partner? Someone who is independent, understanding and brilliant in handling us. Trust me, if you can rub our ego and pride in the right way, bring out “I am your hero” feeling in men, then this man will die for you.

Bro, actuallu not bad idea to have best of both worlds leh...

We can have a woman who is "independent, understanding and brilliant" have "the basic courtesy in communication", and at the same time "bring us the paper and slipper when we are home, have three dish one soup laid on the table for dinner even with her work commitments", won't it be better? kekekekeke

[thaivisitor]

Originally Posted by Tomahawk

Yah, I do put in my part for housework. We share it between us. I do treasure her for who she is and for the companionship, for her willingness to stand by me when I'm down. But I still can't pull myself off other girls, either by way of paid services or by sianing people I meet. I want to, but I can't do it. Xin you yu er li bu zu...

Tomahawk

I also do my part for house work...... I employ the maid!

[thaivisitor]

Originally Posted by Monkeybiz

thanks guys. I guess I'll have to be patience with her for a couple of months before I decided to break the ice that I can't stand her around anymore.

No need to wait for a couple of months if going to break... do it now as fairness also to her mah... why you want to have 2 months of "fun" first before finally saying goodbye?

Doesn't matter what she thinks or feels, or trying to hold on, if you really made up your mind.

I think what u guyz have said are mostly true, at least that's what makes me. I do like to call up my b.f but not to really spot check him, but simply becos I'm bored. Sometimes I also keep askin him if I look pretty that drives him crazy, but I'm just concerned if I can show off to others with him by my side so he'll be proud of me. Although most of the times I don't understand him, he too alot of times don't understand me. Like why he loves soccer so much, I guessed not only him, alot of guyz loves soccer too...but I just couldn't see what's the fuss bout it, it sounds boring to me. While I loved to talk bout future with him...he'll find it boring too. When it came to shopping, I might be very indecisive, so I'll keep askin for opinions from him but he too don't know which to choose from...so I'll end up buying the wrong things and I'll regret later while he'll complaint bout his waste of $$. So I've asked him to buy for me while I'm not with him since he thinks he has better taste than me unless he doesn't want me to look pretty. When he asked me what I wanna eat, most times I'll say don't know...and I'll end up trying to eat what he buys for himself than for what's for me. Guess he has no choice but to let me win most of the times but I do repay him with something else Oh, I'm a ger who knows how to cook and massage and do house work...so I guessed he didn't loose anything...

[Monkeybiz]

someone who knows how to cook and do housework is different from someone who does cook and do housework.



anyway, thaivisitor, you've got a point. but to be fair to her, I guess it takes time for her at least to learn how to appreciate my relationship with her.

[free]

Originally Posted by blurqueen12

i m never goin to be a submissive woman to ne guy...i rather not get married

Dun think of this submissiveness as the orthordox type of man is higher than woman. IT is not blind but loving submission. Maybe I borrow the terms ffrom Christian and Islamic teachings, but it works when both parties do their part.

What this entails is that the woman recognizes the man as the head/leader of the r/s, and takes the role of being "actively" submissive. That doesn't mean my gf doesn't tell me what she thinks/feels. She does and I would insist on her doing if if she doesn't. On my part, her happiness and wellbeing are part my responsibilites in the relationship. Most of the time (if not all) any decision I made that concerns her (or us) will be taken with her needs and desires in mind, way before I even considered my own.

She, by her natural willingness to let me make the final decisions and then support me, makes me want to be an umbrella over her, care for her, protect her and love her in a way I probably would not if she had behaved the way the "modern" world (actually degenerated world, IMHO) preaches. I would not have the incentive to sacrifice so much and go the extra mile everyday to make her feel loved and happy. I know it sounds very MCP and fakey. On the surface, it does seem that way, doesn't it? Only problem in such a way of progressing a r/s is that it is very easy for the guy to take the woman for granted, if not abuse his position. All the more important that I relook at myself, how I see her and the way the r/s is progress consistently. In fact on daily basis.

From my own walk with my beloved, I have found that the r/s has grown so much richer, and we dun even need the physical side to pull things together. The emotional and mental is more than enough to compensate for the lack of the physical. But when the time is right, the physical automatically increases from the initial proportion. Then one engages in what we call Making Love - far far better than just having sex. The whole mind, body and spirit is involved, and it feels truly complete.

Not sure if u can understand what I am trying to say.

[free]

Originally Posted by OceanEleven

Bro, I know about your current relationship. When I was reading about it makes me feel that true love is still around. Keep it up bro.

Thanks. We are working hard on it. We;ll be together again tomorrow night.

Originally Posted by OceanEleven

In SG, generally I find them wanting the equal rights of a man but the benefits of the weaker sex as well. Well, that is not too bad but the attitude they treat man, I would beg to differ. When once into a relationship, things get sticky, with pretty unreasonable demands, funny insulting remarks to even hurling personal abuses. Oh and yes, they resort to violence when she cant seems to wriggle her way out. Yes, she will slap you hard on the face or throw punches at you. You can run away but later she’ll cry foul and say you dump her there all alone, or if you block, mind you – BLOCK: Raising your hand in defense, she’ll still cry that you hit her because of the bruises on her arm. So where does this leads you to??? No man land again.

Boy, dun I know this - ALL of it I had experienced with my ex SG partner, and more. Even sharing good things can get me into trouble cos the words I used are not what she wants to hear. My pasar Angrit not so powderful lor.

Glad I finally got out. Told her she is free to go find someone (some god, probably) who can give her what she wants, since I can't. After trying so hard for years and remaining 100% faithful, I finally came to accept (very sadly) that nothing I do can satisfy. I just cannot compete (nor do I want to) with that Dark & handsome Prince on a white horse who comes rescue the fair lady" fantasy in those romantic novels that she cannot let go of. So, I decided that I should set her free. In doing so, I also set myself free.

Only later did I discover another world out there and never looked back. What I hope to find in my soulmate has not changed, I still looked for the same characteristics when I found them in my Rain. She has restored my faith in a mutually caring and loving r/s again. So, what do I want? Just a simple woman who accepts and enjoy my loving her 100% and does the same for me in return.

[free]

Originally Posted by Tomahawk

Yah, I do put in my part for housework. We share it between us. I do treasure her for who she is and for the companionship, for her willingness to stand by me when I'm down. But I still can't pull myself off other girls, either by way of paid services or by sianing people I meet. I want to, but I can't do it. Xin you yu er li bu zu...

Tomahawk

My way of doing it? I asked myself each time I faced the temptation if I really loved her, and yet do what I know will hurt her? She had gone thru a divorce cos her ex-hus flirts without considering her feelings. I just cannot make her go thru it again. My success rate so far? 100%. Not something I am proud of but really, glad for.

Blurqueen, in this situation, her submissive nature is an extra incentive for me not to want to hurt her.

[free]

Originally Posted by OceanEleven

Then I guess you have to make your presence felt then, show her that you are not to be push around, let her know that she needs you as much as you need her and of course the earth still revolve even without her. In a relationship after certain time, we tend to take each other for granted so we must always cautious ourselves to treasure the pple around us.

Sometimes, it take very alot of pain for one to learn. There is a price for very lesson.

Agree. That was probably the biggest mistake I made in my ex r/s. I took it all, in trying to love her and make her happy. Until I imploded inside and then it is all over. She tried hard to save the r/s and changed drastically, but it was already too late. My love for her had died. Nothing left in my heart, Told her I gave her the last chance 2 weeks ago (before the day I gave up) when I went to her and told her I am drowning. Instead of hearing me and responding accordingly , she further dunked my head underwater, and held it there. It was a sad day, when my heart died - completely.