Met someone online but I'm married

[LeGarcon]

Originally Posted by playboybunny

Kindly come back to reality.

Yes I think I am dealing with it already.

I guess I shouldn't go on with the story. To cut the long story short, it happened that somehow someone close to her knows me and told her I was married.

The moment I told her why I had so many rules, and that reason was I am married, she said she knew. Her friend just told her the night before.

[LeGarcon]

I guess I'll stop the story here. Many bros have advised me that I'm just infatuated with her and it's not worth risking my marriage and young child for someone I haven't even met.

I'm just very drained emotionally from my marriage. I was very happy to have found a person who could relate to me but as circumstances have it, I cannot continue the friendship.

She had stated she had forgiven me for holding the fact that I am married, and I fucked it up by accidentally calling baby again. And after that she stopped replying my texts.

I will not contact her anymore and get this episode out of my head. Thanks for the advice guys and thanks for hearing me out.

[Gambit7]

Bro, i had a gf of 6 years before and we broke up due to irreconciliable differences and i realised i dont love her anymore cos we always quarrelled without any real constructive solutions. she has her position, and i have mine, which obviously conflicted. I understand how do u feel that love has actually waned when u r too long with someone without any real distance. Therefore, when u found someone that gives u a new love, it's like a fresh thing, a new excitement. Naturally, u will love her more than ur wife at this moment in time. Noone can fault u on that. I was in ur shoe before and i did exactly just that. Fortunately, it was just a gf and not a wife.

However, if u think back, u were in love with ur wife before too!! U love her that's why u married her. She might have changed since then, but to what kind of reasons? Is it cos of ur child? She changed all her attentions to ur child that's why she didn't put any effort into u? Or did she fell to another guy that's why she doesn't care u enough? If it's for ur child, i think u have to understand that. She is right in some way too. U can't fault her for giving attention more to ur child right? Which is also urs?

I think u have to make effort into this and get it to work again like before. Give her some flowers, bring her to candle light dinner, say something nice to her when there's an opportunity, bring her to movies, to a short trip holiday for refreshing, or bring her to the old place where u guys first met. There r thousands of ways to make this thing works again bro. If u love ur child and wife, stop messing around with people that can destroy them. Ur wife is the real person u can depend on. There's no girls better than ur own wife.

[nuclearkid]

Bro LeGarcon,

Your story reminds me of a friend from a social media website from about 3 years ago. Like you, I had lots to complain during that stage of my marriage and somehow, talking to someone anonymously online seems a safe bet. She was witty in her own way, empathetic, humorous and the curiosity about her was immense. Long story short, we never met although today, we have each other's phone numbers and Facebook accounts and still share jokes and photographs through WhatsApp and FB.

My point is... Its not exactly a bad thing to have a friend who you merely write to to tide you through tough moments. You will need them from time to time, just to keep you standing when it feels so lonely. Since you have mentioned your social life has been reduced to nothing, going online appears natural. While some people may question why not close, real life friends. Well, for me, I would prefer not to have to deal with the follow-up questions years later about the issues we previously discussed.

Before ending this little ramble of mine, just thought you may not necessarily end up with something extra on the side despite the overwhelming assumption that they all do. And if you consider see value in that friendship and if its still salvagable, who knows right? How often do we meet likeminded people? But her knowing a common friend makes it a little tricky. But if its merely platonic, can't see why not. All the best moving forward.

[LeGarcon]

Originally Posted by nuclearkid

Bro LeGarcon,

Your story reminds me of a friend from a social media website from about 3 years ago. Like you, I had lots to complain during that stage of my marriage and somehow, talking to someone anonymously online seems a safe bet. She was witty in her own way, empathetic, humorous and the curiosity about her was immense. Long story short, we never met although today, we have each other's phone numbers and Facebook accounts and still share jokes and photographs through WhatsApp and FB.

My point is... Its not exactly a bad thing to have a friend who you merely write to to tide you through tough moments. You will need them from time to time, just to keep you standing when it feels so lonely. Since you have mentioned your social life has been reduced to nothing, going online appears natural. While some people may question why not close, real life friends. Well, for me, I would prefer not to have to deal with the follow-up questions years later about the issues we previously discussed.

Before ending this little ramble of mine, just thought you may not necessarily end up with something extra on the side despite the overwhelming assumption that they all do. And if you consider see value in that friendship and if its still salvagable, who knows right? How often do we meet likeminded people? But her knowing a common friend makes it a little tricky. But if its merely platonic, can't see why not. All the best moving forward.

Dear bro Nuclearkid,

Thank you for understanding where I'm coming from. Thing is it WAS salvageable till I made the damn mistake of calling her baby again. I was half asleep. And she has her own issues with her relationship now and I guess she doesn't want to have more on her hands.

I have come to terms with my infatuation with her. On hindsight this sounds a little stupid on my part. I am hoping for nothing out of platonic and definitely I treasure her friendship. But the damage is done by my stupid mistake and i shall not bug her anymore with anymore texts.

Thank you again bro Nuclearkid. I hope I had been like u and kept my head on tight. Now I have lost a potentially good friend.

[LeGarcon]

Originally Posted by nuclearkid

Bro LeGarcon,

Your story reminds me of a friend from a social media website from about 3 years ago. Like you, I had lots to complain during that stage of my marriage and somehow, talking to someone anonymously online seems a safe bet. She was witty in her own way, empathetic, humorous and the curiosity about her was immense. Long story short, we never met although today, we have each other's phone numbers and Facebook accounts and still share jokes and photographs through WhatsApp and FB.

My point is... Its not exactly a bad thing to have a friend who you merely write to to tide you through tough moments. You will need them from time to time, just to keep you standing when it feels so lonely. Since you have mentioned your social life has been reduced to nothing, going online appears natural. While some people may question why not close, real life friends. Well, for me, I would prefer not to have to deal with the follow-up questions years later about the issues we previously discussed.

Before ending this little ramble of mine, just thought you may not necessarily end up with something extra on the side despite the overwhelming assumption that they all do. And if you consider see value in that friendship and if its still salvagable, who knows right? How often do we meet likeminded people? But her knowing a common friend makes it a little tricky. But if its merely platonic, can't see why not. All the best moving forward.

Am finally out of moderation mode. I had replied to u bro nuclearkid but not sure if the post will appear.

Thanks for providing a POV that is similar to mine. I made the unfortunate mistake of getting myself infatuated with belle. She could have been my version of your friend.

As things go, I have seemed to signed my own death warrant with belle when I stupidly called her baby again. She has her own relationship problems and wouldn't want me complicating matters. It hurts really when a seemingly good friend totally ignores u now.

I have sent her one or 2 normal friendly texts but as expected she doesn't reply them. I have to accept the fact that I have lost her friendship now.

Thanks for your insights bro nuclearkid. I wish I hadnt made the damn mistake of being infatuated with her. She could have been a good chum.

[maxsee]

In a way, u r not to be blame also...ur marriage happens coz ur wife is pregnant...i have seen friends in ur situations before...and they stay in the marriage for the sake of the kids....

But since u r in it already..and there is a kid involve...it is better to try to work things out with ur wife...

In a way, i pity u..coz clearly u chose the wrong person to marry...but i guess tis is life...it was never meant to be perfect....

GL Bro ... hope ur marriage will works itself out eventually...

[LeGarcon]

Originally Posted by maxsee

In a way, u r not to be blame also...ur marriage happens coz ur wife is pregnant...i have seen friends in ur situations before...and they stay in the marriage for the sake of the kids....

But since u r in it already..and there is a kid involve...it is better to try to work things out with ur wife...

In a way, i pity u..coz clearly u chose the wrong person to marry...but i guess tis is life...it was never meant to be perfect....

GL Bro ... hope ur marriage will works itself out eventually...

Thanks for the wishes bro maxsee. I'm sure there are many cases like mine. Sometimes when I look at my son i feel so relieved I was not selfish and ask her to abort. If not he wouldn't exist today. I just am perplexed how can one person be so damn unreasonable.

[sane]

Originally Posted by LeGarcon

Thanks for the wishes bro maxsee. I'm sure there are many cases like mine. Sometimes when I look at my son i feel so relieved I was not selfish and ask her to abort. If not he wouldn't exist today. I just am perplexed how can one person be so damn unreasonable.

It might takes time for her to adapt from someone carefree to a wife, a mother, there might be hormones changes that result in mood swing, she might be lacking of confidence/self esteem due to the weight gain from pregnancy.

If your mindset is only fixed on her being unreasonable without even attempting to understand how she feel, it will be just a matter of time of extra maritial affairs.

Fr women point of view, they are totally devoted to the family after marriage to the extent of having no "me-time", zero social life focusing mainly of children n the household.
They find it frustrating if ever the man return home without lifting a finger to help or juz lazing around and watch tv. Their only communication will be nagging, nagging and nagging n being branded as unreasonable, sooner or later will result in EMA. In the end, it's only the kids that suffer.

Get her out from the house, encourage her for some tea sessions with her friends/workout while you help out in housework, childcaring. Facing four wall everyday with the kid will only breed negativity.

If possible, get someone to help look after the kid while both of you take time for a movie date, wine and dine session etc and perhaps u can take this time to let her know about your feelings. Maker her fall in love with you again.

Choose a right time to communicate. Buy her a small gift occassionally, shower her with concern, show her that u still love her.

She bore you a beautiful child, try to work on your marriage instead of finding solac with a stranger. It will be disastrous if ever she found out. Whether you did it mentally or physically, u will be branded for life.

[sane]

Oh ya abt ur friendship with the gal, no decent gals will like to be branded as potential home wreaker especially more if u hide your maritial status from her.

Your image is greatly discounted n she's keeping away fr u, not even as a platonic friend.

Forget about her n work on your marriage, it won't do both parties any good to keep in touch.

btw for guys, if someone really touch your heart n keep a distance away fr u, is it really possible to forget her?.

[LeGarcon]

Originally Posted by sane

It might takes time for her to adapt from someone carefree to a wife, a mother, there might be hormones changes that result in mood swing, she might be lacking of confidence/self esteem due to the weight gain from pregnancy.

If your mindset is only fixed on her being unreasonable without even attempting to understand how she feel, it will be just a matter of time of extra maritial affairs.

Fr women point of view, they are totally devoted to the family after marriage to the extent of having no "me-time", zero social life focusing mainly of children n the household.
They find it frustrating if ever the man return home without lifting a finger to help or juz lazing around and watch tv. Their only communication will be nagging, nagging and nagging n being branded as unreasonable, sooner or later will result in EMA. In the end, it's only the kids that suffer.

Get her out from the house, encourage her for some tea sessions with her friends/workout while you help out in housework, childcaring. Facing four wall everyday with the kid will only breed negativity.

If possible, get someone to help look after the kid while both of you take time for a movie date, wine and dine session etc and perhaps u can take this time to let her know about your feelings. Maker her fall in love with you again.

Choose a right time to communicate. Buy her a small gift occassionally, shower her with concern, show her that u still love her.

She bore you a beautiful child, try to work on your marriage instead of finding solac with a stranger. It will be disastrous if ever she found out. Whether you did it mentally or physically, u will be branded for life.

Thanks for your insight bro sane. Whilst it is good advice, I'm afraid it doesn't apply here. My wife was already like this before she got pregnant. I mentioned she made me almost break up with her just before she told me she was pregnant.

Also I mentioned somewhere that I do most of the chores. If I don't nag she wouldn't even bathe my boy. If u ask whether she is devoting her time to my boy i'd say hardly.

[Xia406]

Dear bro,

Sorry to read about your plight. You mentioned that before marriage your mother-in-law warned you not to give in to her daughter too much but you failed to hind the advice which was a very clear warning and indicator of the future. The reason you gave in to your wife so frequently is perhaps because you really loved her.

Well all is not too late yet. Normally when dealing with human, there are the 2 methods of soft and hard. You should find opportunities to communicate this to your wife. Give her some time to absorb it and change. Start drawing a clear line between giving in to minor and major issues. There are some things where we men can close one eye and let them women have it. Let her know it.

I used to have a girlfriend for over 3 years. Everything was sweet as honey initially when she didn't show her true side early. But as it went on, the uglier side of her appeared and our r/s was nothing but endless of quarrels day after day, week after week. I was like you, always giving in to almost everything and anything against the advice of my own mom of all. But it got to a point where I realized that it wasn't working, I had to put my stand. But she was so used to having it her way, even with her own family, and I realize I cannot marry such a woman. But for you, you have a son at stake. So you have to make a wise choice.

As for Belle, like the rest of the bros mentioned, the reason why you've grown close to her is because she's become that (only) pillar of your emotional support as you don't have much social life. The best thing you can choose to do now is to expand your social circle bro. Reconnect with old friends who you think still care about you, make new friends regardless of gender (best if well mixed), that you can communicate and have some activities with. And the biggest plus point of all is when mixing with good crowd, they will give you sound advice.

Peace out and I hope to hear good things coming your way in due course. Good luck!

[LeGarcon]

Originally Posted by Xia406

Dear bro,

Sorry to read about your plight. You mentioned that before marriage your mother-in-law warned you not to give in to her daughter too much but you failed to hind the advice which was a very clear warning and indicator of the future. The reason you gave in to your wife so frequently is perhaps because you really loved her.

Well all is not too late yet. Normally when dealing with human, there are the 2 methods of soft and hard. You should find opportunities to communicate this to your wife. Give her some time to absorb it and change. Start drawing a clear line between giving in to minor and major issues. There are some things where we men can close one eye and let them women have it. Let her know it.

I used to have a girlfriend for over 3 years. Everything was sweet as honey initially when she didn't show her true side early. But as it went on, the uglier side of her appeared and our r/s was nothing but endless of quarrels day after day, week after week. I was like you, always giving in to almost everything and anything against the advice of my own mom of all. But it got to a point where I realized that it wasn't working, I had to put my stand. But she was so used to having it her way, even with her own family, and I realize I cannot marry such a woman. But for you, you have a son at stake. So you have to make a wise choice.

As for Belle, like the rest of the bros mentioned, the reason why you've grown close to her is because she's become that (only) pillar of your emotional support as you don't have much social life. The best thing you can choose to do now is to expand your social circle bro. Reconnect with old friends who you think still care about you, make new friends regardless of gender (best if well mixed), that you can communicate and have some activities with. And the biggest plus point of all is when mixing with good crowd, they will give you sound advice.

Peace out and I hope to hear good things coming your way in due course. Good luck!

Thanks very much bro Xia406. Really nice and uplifting advice from u. I too realize ur point and have stopped texting her already. Have told a few buddies that I really need to catch up over beer.

Now if only the wife can grant me the off pass...

[sane]

Originally Posted by Xia406

Dear bro,

Well all is not too late yet. Normally when dealing with human, there are the 2 methods of soft and hard. You should find opportunities to communicate this to your wife. Give her some time to absorb it and change. Start drawing a clear line between giving in to minor and major issues. There are some things where we men can close one eye and let them women have it. Let her know it.
!

It's true. Find opportunity to communicate, my ex bring out the worst in me, always brushing me as spoilt, quarrelsome, unreasonable whenever I try to communicate. This is indeed very frustrating n result in more quarrel, I find that he does not understand me while my current SO is v high in EQ, whenever my face expression change, he can sense it n communicate with me.
We always manage to iron things out to the extend that we can communicate without even a slightest need to raise our voice and hardly quarrel.

[Bigbadken]

Originally Posted by LeGarcon

Thanks for your insight bro sane. Whilst it is good advice, I'm afraid it doesn't apply here. My wife was already like this before she got pregnant. I mentioned she made me almost break up with her just before she told me she was pregnant.

Also I mentioned somewhere that I do most of the chores. If I don't nag she wouldn't even bathe my boy. If u ask whether she is devoting her time to my boy i'd say hardly.

Sorry to about ur predicament bro.

Like wat other bros had suggested, i think u should sit down n voice ur concerns to ur wife. There are many temptations out there but dun let them ruin ur marriage. Its not worth it.