I caught my hubby

[Makeloveok]

Sis

This is enough to stop him from having energy to perform his work well and you risk to have him lose his job. He is losing his energy, his job, his money and sooner or later he run out of money for prostitution.

Kissing everyday is ok. Make love everyday not ok.

Originally Posted by hiswife

What we are doing now is to reconnect and have sex everyday. I don't know whether that helps but we are much more intimate then ever. Is this enough to stop him? Is losing his wife and family enough to stop him?

[hiswife]

Originally Posted by wells

" Would you even touch your wife if she keep yelling at you? disrespect you? I realize he loses his status at home and loses his dignity.

Unfortunately, there was definitely a lack of respect and care previously, and it went both ways. It's like he doesn't care about me so why should I care about him? He said it could be misunderstandings or miscommunication so we agreed this is definitely something we need to reflect on periodically on an ongoing basis.

Originally Posted by happywoody

1. It has happened. It's out there. There's nothing that can turn back time.

then really he is not in love with the working gals. He still loves you.

Bottom line is you BOTH must want your marriage to work.

I can imagine your burning desire to know if your husband will change for the better or not.

When you got married, you made a vow to stay together thru good time s and bad.

The answer to your question really depends on you both, you write your own ending in your story.

best wishes

Thanks, I really like how you summarized the issues. To forget is really hard and that's exactly what my hubby said, that it's happened and he can't change the past I'm ashamed to say that I've hit out at him in anger whenever I get caught up in the details of his escapades but such episodes are getting less and hopefully will be gone soon.

I never thought he loves any of the working girls, he doesn't have any regulars (as far as I know). He just loved having sex with them.

Right now, we are working to make it work but there's always this fear that things might go back to square one in the future. Now he's all about working for the marriage but what about 2 years later when things have quietened down and he thinks he can get away with it? It took me 2.5 years to catch him the first time round, next time he will doubly make sure I can't catch him. Besides, it's so convenient and can be done during working hours and no one is any wiser. Hence the burning desire to know whether it's possible for a man to ever stop visiting prostitutes. Once you tried it out, you know how easy and fun that was, could you really stop?

I haven't told a single soul in real life, he said telling others would be akin to not giving him any chance to change.

My idea of marriage is not that sacred. I think life is too short to stay with someone who does not love you. I don't want him to just provide for the family, I need to be loved, wanted and desired.

You said I write my own ending but there are 2 of us in the story. As much as I thought I knew him I would never know exactly what goes on in his mind. I know what to do myself but I can't know what he's going to do. I always thought I know him well but obviously I don't otherwise I wouldn't have been caught off guard. When I first found out, I felt like I don't know him at all. Who's this man who would do such thing to me?

[hiswife]

Originally Posted by ilovefucking

Sis

One probable cause he visit prostitution is he want frenching with pretty and sexy young lady. In that case you must ensure you are forever a pretty and sexy young lady.

Unfortunately, no one could remain pretty and young forever.

Originally Posted by Makeloveok

Sis

This is enough to stop him from having energy to perform his work well and you risk to have him lose his job. He is losing his energy, his job, his money and sooner or later he run out of money for prostitution.

Kissing everyday is ok. Make love everyday not ok.

It's not as bad as it sounded, I didn't force myself on him (I hope!) He said he used to masturbate to porn almost on a daily basis. Now that he's abstaining from porn, I'm just trying to make sure he's his release. It really doesn't take that long anyway, time that otherwise would have been spent on watching tv I supposed. Sometimes it's not even full sex, just HJ/BJ.

[squiggle]

Sis, guys should only look for prositutes if their partner unable to have sex with them any more due to medical reason, go for a long overseas business trip, old couple already but want to try young girls or the wife is pregnant unable to have sex with him. All these might still be acceptable and best to seek approval from your partner.

Looking for prositutes just for sex and no string being attached better than having an affair.

I would say is all depends on you on whether how much you love him and willing to give him a second chance. Maybe you can brush up your bed skill or spend time with him more. Maybe this could change him, it is really a sad and pointless thing to divorce all because of sex.

[maxsee]

Not all guys will look for FL if their partner are unable to have sex with them or whatsoever...I know of a few guys that still love and care for their partner even though their partners are unable to have sex with them due to old age, illness...etc etc.

End of the day, you married a selfish person....*period

If you have married a person who care more for u than his sexual needs, life would be very different.

[hbster]

you got to ask yourself... why your husband only wants sex a few times in a year

maybe you are just a dead fish lying on the bed and let him fuck

prostitues are different... they provide service to men
they do lots of stuff which some married women cant even do to their husband like blowjob for example...
some wives thought of blowjobs and quickly say "eee" and shit

so my advice ...better let your husband have sex with prostitues and you keep quiet and go back to your kitchen

[ShaTauKokDog]

Instead of maintaining the marriage under suspicion , might as well end once and for all! You are just wasting time!

[loneyheart]

Looking for FLs still better then having affair

[happywoody]

Originally Posted by hiswife

Thanks, I really like how you summarized the issues.

Right now, we are working to make it work but there's always this fear that things might go back to square one in the future.

Besides, it's so convenient and can be done during working hours and no one is any wiser.

My idea of marriage is not that sacred. I think life is too short to stay with someone who does not love you. I don't want him to just provide for the family, I need to be loved, wanted and desired.

You said I write my own ending but there are 2 of us in the story. As much as I thought I knew him I would never know exactly what goes on in his mind.

Who's this man who would do such thing to me?

hey good to hear there's improvement.
hopefully with anger dissipating, you can look at the issues more rationally.

indeed there's no point monitoring or putting restrictions. if he's ever going to do it again, he can.

agree with your view on marriage. everyone deserves to be happy. gone are the days when people stay married because of societal/parental/financial pressure.

after a betrayal, it's natural not to trust again.
but trust you should.

i emphasize BOTH of you must want to make it work - he as much as you.
both of yo must agree to the terms moving forward. make it plain you're giving YOUR MARRIAGE one last shot. he said he made a bad mistake. make it clear it would be a much worse mistake if he does not hold up his end of this agreement.

what have you got to lose by trying one more time?
it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all, no?

beat wishes

[sundial]

I look for prostitutes for many years. I tried to stop but can't.
Wife is lousy at sex/not interested in sex/never initiated it. Hence felt unwanted.
Frequent quarrels for the slightest thing which pisses me off. Nvm had a full week of joy. I now enjoy travelling for work.
Think about it... have u tried to make him happy.

[a2014]

Originally Posted by hiswife

Unfortunately, no one could remain pretty and young forever.

It's not as bad as it sounded, I didn't force myself on him (I hope!) He said he used to masturbate to porn almost on a daily basis. Now that he's abstaining from porn, I'm just trying to make sure he's his release. It really doesn't take that long anyway, time that otherwise would have been spent on watching tv I supposed. Sometimes it's not even full sex, just HJ/BJ.

@hiswife, I try to read from the beginning and all your reply, it looks like you are only referencing to one issue. I guess it all boils down to:

1. What happened before marriage and after marriage.

2. How both of you deal with each other after marriage.

3. How both of you view a relationship.

Frankly speaking, you seems to center your opinion on what he has done behind your back while I prefer to understand what had happened and what have drive him to such situation.

Apparently it takes two hands to clap be it which hand is right and which hand is wrong. More than often both hands are not exactly right either.

If what he claims is true that in the past he masturbate frequently then I guess maybe he go visit WL also ended up masturbate to get a release, well I don't know but this is what I will guess so.

No one can blame you for not able to get him up as you are a normal lady, you do not come with those talent that come with full set of skills that make any man erupt like a volcano. Maybe some may describe as dead fish sorry to describe in this fashion but just to bring the message across. I guess when any man meet you first time they may stand, but after a while I guess it will die off kind of situation.

Next is how you both treat each other after marriage. Respect and love is very much necessary in a marriage. Someone told me before when a man lost the sex part of the marriage relationship it will naturally ended up as a responsibility meaning the responsibility of a husband to maintain the family. Well, love is still there but it generally migrate to a different definition.

It's difficult to say now who is right and who is wrong as we don't know from his mouth how he feel as if what you have written here. One thing for sure, after so many years in this situation what do you think that things will change over night and you will also change for the better. I got a feeling SEX is only one portion, there are some more areas that both of you need to improve on.

Take Care.

[summerberry]

Originally Posted by hiswife

I know this probably belongs to some women forum but I figure why not ask the men themselves.

Long story short, I found out that my husband has been seeing prostitutes in the last 2.5 years and flipped out. He said he's sorry and will not do that again. He's willing to let me monitor all his finance and online/phone activities.

I'm pretty sure my husband is not the first men to have been caught. To those who have been caught, did you really change?

I want to know whether I can trust him that he will not do that again.

Dear TS,

How a man view sex is very different from how a woman view sex. To a man, sex is a need. Like how we need air water food etc. Sex belong to that category of needs. Whereas for woman, it is a want rather than a need. Like how we want that Jimmy choo heels or that handbag. Like all needs of water and food, it wouldnt do if one only drinks water and have mee pok everyday for the rest of his life, he would want variety. Its exactly the same for sex.

That being said, is being horny or tiko necessarily means he is a bad man? In general Men have this ability to separate sex and love. He can have sex with someone and yet he still love you. Perhaps to a woman this is an oxymoron. Because women tend to associate sex and love: I would have to love a man first before having sex with him. Unfortunately, to a man it will suffice if the woman is visually pleasing.

In my opinion, he still loves you and would want to salvage the relationship by letting you have access to his private stuff. Unfortunately, he will not change. Because thats his nature. What he will do is merely to suppress his need.

[Belt]

Originally Posted by summerberry

Dear TS,

How a man view sex is very different from how a woman view sex. To a man, sex is a need. Like how we need air water food etc. Sex belong to that category of needs. Whereas for woman, it is a want rather than a need. Like how we want that Jimmy choo heels or that handbag. Like all needs of water and food, it wouldnt do if one only drinks water and have mee pok everyday for the rest of his life, he would want variety. Its exactly the same for sex.

That being said, is being horny or tiko necessarily means he is a bad man? In general Men have this ability to separate sex and love. He can have sex with someone and yet he still love you. Perhaps to a woman this is an oxymoron. Because women tend to associate sex and love: I would have to love a man first before having sex with him. Unfortunately, to a man it will suffice if the woman is visually pleasing.

In my opinion, he still loves you and would want to salvage the relationship by letting you have access to his private stuff. Unfortunately, he will not change. Because thats his nature. What he will do is merely to suppress his need.

sis you are really very rational woman ... maybe you have had enough experiences before.

[ColdBlood99]

Ts,

the story is about the same as what a lady told me in my taxi 2 month back when im sending her to wisma.

anyway good luck to you. stay cool

[keyforest]

I'm a horny person, if my wife don't give me enough sex, i will go find prostitute also, is our body needs..