The one you marry, is not the one you loved most?

[surfer888]

Originally Posted by Know_yr_role

i think its generally true... cos as i mentioned somewhere in the thread before also..for me i dun think everyone can be so fortunate and get attached to the one person who u love most...

there are always complications in between them...the one u love most married someone else first, beat u to the gold......you missed the opportunity to express yr feelings......money issues which swerve your decisions to other women or vice versa......cant have a serious r/s for long......dun wan to get commited to one person too fast,by time u ready, end up losing yr chance.......alot more dumb reasons i heard before.....

so end of the day..i think...if u really think tat you love ther person who u are seeing now...dun wait....go for it....take the plunge....

Sometimes I've got myself thinking if it is about "Greener Pastures". Even after marrying the one we love, we may, after a few years think that someone else in our past was a true love we never married.

We can never be satisfied... not neccessarily a bad thing as it just makes us want to go out and improve things all the time... unfortunately improving on marital relationships by getting another wife is not an option available to most of us.

[suteerak1099]

Originally Posted by surfer888

Sometimes I've got myself thinking if it is about "Greener Pastures". Even after marrying the one we love, we may, after a few years think that someone else in our past was a true love we never married.

We can never be satisfied... not neccessarily a bad thing as it just makes us want to go out and improve things all the time... unfortunately improving on marital relationships by getting another wife is not an option available to most of us.

well, relationships across the board regardless of nationality/cultures, generally similiar i reckon;

1. budding relationship, both would be thickly blinded of the flaws in each other, only to learn of the ugly core within... and the dilema to cont or to call it quits.
(change bf/gf, not much cost implication)

2. steady relationship, both havent experienced the hard core ugly truth within, only to realize it when much time & effort, sweat & tears been invested... and the dilema to cont or to call it quits.
(change bf/gf, need to calculate & cut heavy losses... and start afresh)

3. marriage relationship, both now experience more sh*t from the in-laws & extended family, coupled with their default flaws, spots begin to show... and the dilema to cont or to call it quits.
(divorce incumbent spouse, to pursue a new life starting from zero... cost 1 hellava bomb)

so what happens? some choose to blind both eyes, deafen both ears, freeze the heart, grit their teeth & brave on.... whilst some adventurous ones would drop everything & venture for 'greener pastures'.

[Know_yr_role]

Originally Posted by Deztruct

wat if its all cement ground below and u take the plunge?

find higher ground and try manz

[Know_yr_role]

Originally Posted by surfer888

Sometimes I've got myself thinking if it is about "Greener Pastures". Even after marrying the one we love, we may, after a few years think that someone else in our past was a true love we never married.

We can never be satisfied... not neccessarily a bad thing as it just makes us want to go out and improve things all the time... unfortunately improving on marital relationships by getting another wife is not an option available to most of us.

people are generally not contented...we constantly want newer things, better things and new experiences...same goes with r/s. So actually its really up to individual to surpress yr own urges or not... hur hur hur

[OceanEleven]

Originally Posted by Deztruct

wat if its all cement ground below and u take the plunge?

It reminds of a movie....If plunging into a relationship is Die Hard, then plunging into one with a cement ground is Die Harder......

[sex4LiFe]

i got divorced shortly after i got married... for the past 3 years, i realized she was the woman i love the most..

so sometimes what they said is true - you'll only learn how to appreciate someone only after you lose them..

*sigh*

[jinrenhe]

Originally Posted by sex4LiFe

so sometimes what they said is true - you'll only learn how to appreciate someone only after you lose them..

*sigh*

yes, human learn thru mistake, but what happen if what u lose was permanent?

what an irony of life..

[jinrenhe]

Originally Posted by Deztruct

there is something n someone in phuket tat made me miss the place...i will definitely go back sometimes..juz tat its not now

I've never been on any holidays with the gal i love...

The 2 serious relationships i had so far- one during my 'A' levels as a student, the second during my 1st of army. Both time also no money, neither did i think about it.

Nowadays, as i hear my peers talking about how they spend their xmas or new year with their loved one in plcs like Genting or Phuket, i feel rely left out..

Hopefully when i find the next gal willing to be my gf, i can spend a holiday, even a short one, in somewhere like Phuket.

[dom01]

Dun worry. dude.... You will find urs soon..

Been love is a blessing...

[sherrry]

Originally Posted by jinrenhe

Hopefully when i find the next gal willing to be my gf, i can spend a holiday, even a short one, in somewhere like Phuket.

I hear of some frens go holiday with the gf, some come back from holiday becom more loving, some come back less loving. Some lagi better, go there together, then halfway quarrel, then rebound find a new partner.

Maybe is becos they realise each other's "chao kwan" when they spend almost day and night together when go holiday together.

[surfer888]

Originally Posted by sherrry

I hear of some frens go holiday with the gf, some come back from holiday becom more loving, some come back less loving. Some lagi better, go there together, then halfway quarrel, then rebound find a new partner.

Maybe is becos they realise each other's "chao kwan" when they spend almost day and night together when go holiday together.

That's why every relationship needs a test drive. Live with the person, spend enough time together and the true colours appear. Not only to see the true side but the test drive has also other advantages... A long enough test drive will let you look past sex. A side-effect will be too much sex.

[jintulan]

Been following this thread for a while, but did not have anything to say until now. so here is my 2 cents...

Originally Posted by surfer888

That's why every relationship needs a test drive. Live with the person, spend enough time together and the true colours appear...

the word "test drive" struck a chord in me. What we do today may be a test drive for what we are going to do tomorrow. That applies throughout our life, not just before marriage, even after marriage, agree?

Back to the topic, "The one you marry, ...".
If my memory serves me well, the one I married was the one I loved most at the time I married her. The marriage was a combined result of preceding events that led both of us into it then. There wasn't a reason for me to marry someone I did not love most at that time.
<fast forward> >>
"..., is not the one you loved most?"
Such thoughts starts creeping in on and off over the years. They get stronger with negative feelings towards each other over all sorts of things that piss each other off. The relationship gets especially testy at times when a third party is available to sooth one's emotional and physical needs. For reasons unknown to me, but there must be good reasons why we men were evolved with a dick with no brain cells in it. Today, I shiver on hindsight what could have been broken during those times. Luckily, nothing was broken. I hung on till this day.
<fast forward again> >>
After these years, I now understand that keeping a marriage together is one thing, keeping love within a marriage is quite another. People change over time, and there is no telling how each of us will change. But we do have a great deal of influence on how we want those changes to occur. If 2 people open their hearts at a dead end, a new road will appear. Today, I actually look forward to holding my middle-age wife's hand in bed before sleeping. It's a very comfortable feeling.

[surfer888]

Originally Posted by jintulan

Today, I actually look forward to holding my middle-age wife's hand in bed before sleeping. It's a very comfortable feeling.

That very thought of growing old with my wife turns me off. I'm envious of you... wish I could say that.

[Deztruct]

Originally Posted by surfer888

We can never be satisfied... not neccessarily a bad thing as it just makes us want to go out and improve things all the time... unfortunately improving on marital relationships by getting another wife is not an option available to most of us.

sometimes i wonder if the one tat we feel we love the most will always be the one tat we neva get? bcoz we cant ever get her..tats y we can only depend on our memory to remember her and only think abt her gd..but once we are together..her faults become more noticable to us

[Deztruct]

Originally Posted by sex4LiFe

i
so sometimes what they said is true - you'll only learn how to appreciate someone only after you lose them..

*sigh*

not really sure abt wat happen but then if u realise tat she is the one u love most..y not try to patch things up again? it might be hard but i sure tat she will b touched by ur sincerity also