Need help in moving on

[Xenna]

Originally Posted by gent

Yah. Don't expect a guy to say love you everyday. He rather showed it thru his action. I am not sure but maybe there r guys who is different and always shower and show their feelings and emotion to their gf...

'Gal may feel that he doesn't love her enough', how much is enough? Human always expect more, there is nv enough.

I always believe to say 'love u' need only 3 seconds, to prove it, u need a lifetime.

My 2 cents...

i dislike the fact that some guys who always put love on their mouth and it'll become meaningless but as least the basic should be shown. girls need reassurance at some point of time.

Originally Posted by maxsee

For married couples...the love dun really fade with time n becomes kinship la...i once asked a good friend of mine who has a very successful marriage tat does she feels the same passionate love she has for her hubby mah....

she told me tat the love she once have is definitely gone la....the hubby sort of integrated into part of her life la...something like become part of her la...just like ur hands and legs la...while u dun loves ur hands n legs...they r part of u tat u realize tat u can't do without mah...maybe tis is how all successful relationship will eventually evolved into .....

haha your friend is very lucky indeed.

[asdfghjkl]

Originally Posted by gent

She says love me just 2 weeks ago but yet fell in love with another guy!

very true.. it cuts both way..

[gent]

Originally Posted by maxsee

For married couples...the love dun really fade with time n becomes kinship la...i once asked a good friend of mine who has a very successful marriage tat does she feels the same passionate love she has for her hubby mah....

she told me tat the love she once have is definitely gone la....the hubby sort of integrated into part of her life la...something like become part of her la...just like ur hands and legs la...while u dun loves ur hands n legs...they r part of u tat u realize tat u can't do without mah...maybe tis is how all successful relationship will eventually evolved into .....

Thanks for sharing.. I think many married couple didn't even realized that they had became the hands and legs of their spouse... Most couple would think that their love has faded... When another person come along and shower you with love and care, you likely to feel "love" again.

[gent]

Originally Posted by asdfghjkl

very true.. it cuts both way..

What do u mean by it cuts both way?

[hotstuffm8]

trolololol

[dexster]

Originally Posted by Xenna

Broke up with my ex few months already. He has moved on but I have not. It is said that men can separate sex and emotions while it is the opposite for women generally.

I was warned by my friends before that after intimacy, the girl will feel more emotionally attached. I don't know if this is the case for me or is it because I really love him in the first place. He was the first bf to have such level of intimacy with me.

sis no matter wat ,muz let it go find a new love in ur life..once got new love u will totally forget about him already...

[superhuman]

Some ppl may say it is a bit sadistic but it works for me.

I think most of the times, it is the memories and habits that will kill you.

1st, for example, u guys will msg each other and u will miss this. understand... So what I did was that I type all the long msgs that I want into a Word document (in iphone) as an outlet to express my thoughts and feelings (I really really miss that person ma so be honest, no point denying how u feel). But I DON'T send. I just keep it there. You will know you recover when you look at it after sometime and you don't feel like sending. Meanwhile, the damn doc will get longer and longer. It's ok..

2nd, there are many places and things that you did when together and this kind of memories is torturing also. For me, I purposely went to these places everytime I miss that person. It is torturing but I force myself to face it and of course telling myself that that person will not come back.

3rd- Give yourself a timespan. I gave myself 3-6mths to keep on typing those msgs, visiting those places which we went before and thinking about that person. There has to be a point of stopping. Some ppl here have said correctly. U need to think abt ur family, friends and urself. In actual fact, I took about 2 years to get over that person completely.

Ok, i have said a lot. I know most of these info are everywhere but they are heartfelt words. Hope it helps. As always, I stand corrected...

[Ladyrain]

Superhuman's method is very painful and abit of denial mode. However, facing it is the fastest way to get over. Either that or find new love.

[darkadam]

facing the same issue here..i hit the pubs to drown myself....its stupid i know..

[SA23]

Originally Posted by superhuman

Some ppl may say it is a bit sadistic but it works for me.

I think most of the times, it is the memories and habits that will kill you.

1st, for example, u guys will msg each other and u will miss this. understand... So what I did was that I type all the long msgs that I want into a Word document (in iphone) as an outlet to express my thoughts and feelings (I really really miss that person ma so be honest, no point denying how u feel). But I DON'T send. I just keep it there. You will know you recover when you look at it after sometime and you don't feel like sending. Meanwhile, the damn doc will get longer and longer. It's ok..

2nd, there are many places and things that you did when together and this kind of memories is torturing also. For me, I purposely went to these places everytime I miss that person. It is torturing but I force myself to face it and of course telling myself that that person will not come back.

3rd- Give yourself a timespan. I gave myself 3-6mths to keep on typing those msgs, visiting those places which we went before and thinking about that person. There has to be a point of stopping. Some ppl here have said correctly. U need to think abt ur family, friends and urself. In actual fact, I took about 2 years to get over that person completely.

Ok, i have said a lot. I know most of these info are everywhere but they are heartfelt words. Hope it helps. As always, I stand corrected...

Bro superhuman wat u have say really hit the point, sometime we just have to force ourselve to pick up from where we fall and in due time we will wake up and carry on wif our life and move on....Cheers....

[bail1234]

I dont know this method is useful for the ladies or both gender & perhaps my situation is different from TS's one... but here goes my thoughts :

BTW I am a male....

Originally Posted by superhuman

Some ppl may say it is a bit sadistic but it works for me.

I think most of the times, it is the memories and habits that will kill you.

1st, for example, u guys will msg each other and u will miss this. understand... So what I did was that I type all the long msgs that I want into a Word document (in iphone) as an outlet to express my thoughts and feelings (I really really miss that person ma so be honest, no point denying how u feel). But I DON'T send. I just keep it there. You will know you recover when you look at it after sometime and you don't feel like sending. Meanwhile, the damn doc will get longer and longer. It's ok..

2nd, there are many places and things that you did when together and this kind of memories is torturing also. For me, I purposely went to these places everytime I miss that person. It is torturing but I force myself to face it and of course telling myself that that person will not come back.

3rd- Give yourself a timespan. I gave myself 3-6mths to keep on typing those msgs, visiting those places which we went before and thinking about that person. There has to be a point of stopping. Some ppl here have said correctly. U need to think abt ur family, friends and urself. In actual fact, I took about 2 years to get over that person completely.

Ok, i have said a lot. I know most of these info are everywhere but they are heartfelt words. Hope it helps. As always, I stand corrected...

1st - i think i kind of still continue doing that but... to me, probably it doesnt really work to forget about her however at least it rants out what i want to say.... So it kind of works

2nd - Seriously that can really kills... especially in places that seems very popular... For me is "Orchard ION"...... The day that i believe i screw things up.... Eventually that will just immune yourself to be able to go there & not seem sad but actually you still are...... It just helps when your friends are there with you.... And you dont look like some emo dude that just broken up...

3rd - Ya really tried to think that there are still friends & family... It helps .... In fact is the best method i think is helping in a very significant way.... However for me, I still cant forget her... Just perhaps the pain is not that bad as before..... Maybe I just still haven reached my point yet....

Just my thoughts no offense to anyone

To superhuman - they are really heartfelt words..... Can really catch a glimpse of the pain you felt.... At least you made it through... Lets hope i could do so as well

[SA23]

Originally Posted by darkadam

facing the same issue here..i hit the pubs to drown myself....its stupid i know..

Bro to drown our ourselve in sorrow, is not say is incorrect but there must b a limit. I use to b like u when my wife left me i also drink everyday till i got addicated and wifout drinking i cant slp. My method of forgetting her is stupid but at least it took my mind of her and during tis period alot of things happen but wat i can say is at least i have get over her and between me and her we r just very normal fren nw.

[Ladyrain]

Originally Posted by darkadam

facing the same issue here..i hit the pubs to drown myself....its stupid i know..

I do this whenever I'm upset.
The thing is I do this when I'm happy too. Lol...
Perhaps the difference is, I drink a whole lot more when I'm upset.
If the company I'm with is good at making jokes and making me laugh, I'll be laughing a lot more than usual.
If they aint any bit humorous, I'll be tearing.. a lot more.
It's the temporary relief FR being hurt.
When I fall, I fall very very deep. You can slice me and I'm still gonna tell you I dnt feel the pain. You can see blood and I won't even feel a thing.
Thats when only alcohol can help numb the pain. .

[gigigagago]

I feel that yours is a pretty common problem faced by many - regardless of gender. Womenfolk are more connected with their emotions, which everyone already knows. Women also have the amazing ability to identify and explore their emotions much easier than men.

In a break-up, a woman can feel 1000 things and still be able to find a reason (sometimes an excuse) for each one of them. Men feel the pain, frustration, injustice and disappointment too, however, these are very much the only emotions men can identify with. As for the rest that men couldn't, they'd just look away and devote their focus to something else like work, another woman, drinking, etc etc - you know the drill.

The thing is, if they dwell on it, but are not equipped to handle it (at least not better than women), it's a painful thing to keep jogging on the same wounded spot. That's why men redirect the focus fast and furiously. Women on the other hand are superior with emotions, that's why they tend to jog on the spot for so long and in extreme cases where it becomes drama - they actually enjoy doing so. So, imo this capability can be a double-edged sword.

Now being able to move on quickly doesn't mean men don't feel a thing or don't care so easily. If they did put their feelings and heart into a relationship, and it didn't work out, they're not overjoyed either. They are just wired to be mission-based creatures. If they failed like a stupid fuck, they try to pick themselves up quickly and move the fuck on. Some of the more mature ones learn from experience, some continue to fail.

So I hope the above helps you understand better how differently men and women are wired. Btw, this is from a man's pov.

Also, you might want to distinguish the difference between sexual intimacy and love. You can feel sexually intimate with a particular person, doesn't mean you don't feel it with others. But love is different.

It depends also what significance you give to the first sexual experience - is it more important being with the right man or whoever gave you that experience? Does giving you that experience also means he gets to run your life? You give the significance to yourself. Being honest sets you free.

[Sen5eS]

Originally Posted by Ichigo_Kurosaki

Anyway an EX should stay an EX. They're the EXample of EXpired love that do not love you anymore and ought to be EXcavate from your heart. An EX is an EXplanation for why you deserve an EXcellent cock.

hmmm Xcellent X-vice ... perhaps it should be chanted like a mantra on a daily basis so that it gets into your head ...

Everyone deals with it differently ... as long as you don't dwell and over-indulge ... you'll get back on your feet ... good luck ...