Married but in love with colleague

[Uncle2015]

Originally Posted by xands2001

Dear all bros and sis for ur valuable insights, advise and experiences. My life with T is still causing emotional stress. My wife is pregnant. My brain says stop, let her resign. My hearts say no, let her stay. T is also experiencing a difficult time now especially when we see each other on a daily basis due to work. She wans to stop when she learned tat my wife is pregnant bt she cant let go yet. My wife and i were almost divorced bt T says i should not esp when she is preg. My wife still doesnt know abt T as they knew each other and she wans to avoid confrontation at all costs. Bt as with any decisions made, it has to be tat i stay with my wife. Right.?

Welcome back !? Good as in you have good news. Bad as in you are still indecisive.

Congratulations Xands2001. Both you and wife have succeeded on your first hurdle. That was a great efforts and teamwork to overcome the odd and struggle. They say 经得起考验才会长久. I hope this IVF journey has further cushioned your husband and wife relationship thru thick and thin.

One part I don't understand : you and your wife almost divorced but she still doesn't know about T. You mean, "you almost divorce your wife, unilaterally" or "your wife knew you are having an affair but doesn't know with who" ?

Let me keep my memory aside for the time being :

Originally Posted by xands2001

... I also appreciate her taking the sacrifice of ivf and im somehow actually letting fate take its course such as if the ivf was unsuccessful i may take it as a sign. If its successful, i will take up the responsibility and end the r/s with T. However another part of me feel its v unfair to my wife where she nv did anything wrong to me and i will feel guilty towards her. Tats how i feel now...

[korean]

Originally Posted by Uncle2015

Bro Korean, TS is already facing so much difficulty, adding your this question, is as good as sentencing him to death. Lol

Lol, i dunno what to advice him

[a2014]

Originally Posted by xands2001

My life with T is still causing emotional stress. My wife is pregnant. My brain says stop, let her resign. My hearts say no, let her stay. T is also experiencing a difficult time now especially when we see each other on a daily basis due to work.

TS, certain very stressful, you know you can't have both but you choose to because you enjoy those goodies that come in between. You seems the have rule all decision making using a different head. It goods to have different options as it seems both of them give you different feeling and you love it.

Originally Posted by xands2001

She wans to stop when she learned tat my wife is pregnant bt she cant let go yet.

Did you ask her why stop and why let go and see her reply. I am sure she will give you a crap load of answers that even you bring it up here nobody will agree to her answer.

Originally Posted by xands2001

My wife and i were almost divorced bt T says i should not esp when she is preg. My wife still doesnt know abt T as they knew each other and she wans to avoid confrontation at all costs.

Why divorce, because of T because T's service is better. So she knew your wife and still insist to carry on, what do she achieve at the end. Snatch something that don't actually belongs to her. What make her so sure that you wouldn't do the same to her a few years later when you find another Ms F.

Originally Posted by xands2001

Bt as with any decisions made, it has to be tat i stay with my wife. Right.?

You are just trying to do is to follow with the flow of everyone's thought here, actually you just want to wait and see and enjoy the benefit of having two woman.

This is dangerous, you may loose both at the end. What makes you think that she will let go, NO, until you wife let go then eventually she will also let go. Try to understand more of her background trace back to her childhood if she will ever want to tell you. If am sure you will get another crap load of answers that if you were to address here in future will amuse all of us.

I guess she has mixed up like and love, so long as you show some care be it colleague or friendly terms she will come to you as love and you have take the advantage over it. One of you have to leave the company and you will see what will happen.

Tell her, this is not possible, she is too late, you are already married, both of you can be friends, can communicate anything under the sun by not really possible at least up till now and several years after. See what she reply.

Take Care, act wisely.

[sunkingdonut]

TS is in an affair fog. The excitement of no commitment with T - no housework, no argument, no in laws, no stress of loans etc etc while the other side is just, real life. If T somehow becomes TS's wife, it'll be real life..

Failure to see and feel's wife suffering and feelings is just another classic affair's symptom. Enjoying the stability of marriage while having excitement/ high of an affair.

Hope TS snap out of it early. Be a man.

[Jevv]

What will happen if T is also pregnant with ur baby too? I ever heard b4 sth similar to TS's story..the wife & mistress both got preggy at the same time

Anyway, TS now tat ur wife is pregnant...u hv the next few mths b4 the baby is out...to think wat u r gg to do with T. Choose & think wisely

[xands2001]

Bro uncle and all here who provided valuable expertise and experience. U have my thanks. Why i say we almost divorced is tat i have treated my wife v coldly and she as a woman definitely felt it and asked me about it. I told her nothing is wrong and thru a few weeks, she had had enough of it and brought out the divorce herself. I was almost happy about it but then something in me made me feel that i must nv be tis kinda person who would turn his back on wife and kids. I mamaged to coax her and now she is happy. I am happy as i managed to coax T to maintain our working relationship. However i am clear that such a road with T is very unstable and that we have both come to a compromise that we will just remaim as colleagues. It was happy ending in the end. And i hope to nv come across such a crossroad again. Omg. It was very hectic and stressful. Feel v relieved now. Many thanks to all the nice people here who was willing to spend time advising. Really appreciated it. Thank you all.

[arsenal_84]

glad that TS made the right decision in the end.
think more with the logical brain instead of the smaller head below and your life will be less messy.

[cumball]

Bro u have alot to lose, notably half of all yr shit n monthly maintenance payments! Try to understand if u lust or love her, i see it as lust.

Just go outside n release can already, then have her reassigned so she dont have to work with u.

Men who wanna fuck women is normal, i have serious doubts when women tink the same way. Women want commitment, so if she is engaged snd still love u then u should think why? Perhaps u more successful then her bf?

Originally Posted by xands2001

Dear all bro.. would like to seek an opinion and advise from any bros who had been in my shoes before.
Jus a little background. Im married for abput 2 years in my 30s. My wife is a homemaker. No kids but trying for 2 years and now trying ivf.
All of these events happened only less than a month.
I have a colleague whom i will call T. She is my closest working partner at work anf she is 7 years younger than me. We work on many projects together and usually stay late for OT and i wil send her back. V platonic and nothing hanky panky ever goes on. This goes on for about 4 years.
There were times when i fantasize or think about her as my extramarital affair partner but she do not seem the sort although we were v close at work. Sometimes i even wonder if im in love with her. Nah.. was my thought as i suppresed the feelings and thot that its impossible. 1st was that she is nt my type and im nt her type. 2nd she is on good terms with my wife. It was approx 3 weeks ago she told me that she gathered a lot of courage and took months of consideration to tell me that she is in love with me. My 1st thought was wow.. seriously? Do u treat me as a brother kind of love? She said no.. and that feelings were getting stronger. She said that she know im a married man and she just got engaged to her bf and that its wrong, she still decide to tell me. I was feeling flattered. I said ok.. give me a few days to digest and think over what should be done next. I thought for about 3 days and i reciprocated. I found that i too had feelings for her. Its no wonder why i always had an empty feeling whenever she was on leave for holiday or worried when she was on MC.
I told her that i had feelings for her too on the 4th day and she was so happy. We held hands and kissed for the 1st time. The feeling was magical. 3 weeks on, we tried hard to hide our feelings during work and it was tough. I k ow.. i should not reciprocate but i let my heart took o er instead of my head. I am also thinking about our future as we cannot continue like this forever. She said its ez for her to let go but i have a marriage. It will not be ez... i have contemplated to divorce and leave my house and savings to my wife as a form of compensation.
What would you bros have done?
I am earnestly seeking enlightenment and advise from sincere bros here.. those who do not have constructive comments pls do not disturb thanks in advance.

[BowBow]

TS, personally I had similar experience as you and I am the one like most bros mentioned, 两头不到岸。 grass is greener on the other side....

Sometimes feeling does grows where both of your spend most time together .... Definitely do contain some romance but not all...

Just my 2 cents worth of thought ....

[Uncle2015]

TS, very glad that you're making good progress and closed the chapter with a happy ending. I know I'm a bit bias thru out hoping you would stay with your wife.

Really feel happy for your wife and your twins. They got their daddy back.

Originally Posted by xands2001

Bro uncle and all here who provided valuable expertise and experience. U have my thanks. Why i say we almost divorced is tat i have treated my wife v coldly and she as a woman definitely felt it and asked me about it. I told her nothing is wrong and thru a few weeks, she had had enough of it and brought out the divorce herself. I was almost happy about it but then something in me made me feel that i must nv be tis kinda person who would turn his back on wife and kids. I mamaged to coax her and now she is happy. I am happy as i managed to coax T to maintain our working relationship. However i am clear that such a road with T is very unstable and that we have both come to a compromise that we will just remaim as colleagues. It was happy ending in the end. And i hope to nv come across such a crossroad again. Omg. It was very hectic and stressful. Feel v relieved now. Many thanks to all the nice people here who was willing to spend time advising. Really appreciated it. Thank you all.

[gjlow]

Glad that you have come to a decision. Now you can focus on your upcoming child. All the best.

Originally Posted by xands2001

Bro uncle and all here who provided valuable expertise and experience. U have my thanks. Why i say we almost divorced is tat i have treated my wife v coldly and she as a woman definitely felt it and asked me about it. I told her nothing is wrong and thru a few weeks, she had had enough of it and brought out the divorce herself. I was almost happy about it but then something in me made me feel that i must nv be tis kinda person who would turn his back on wife and kids. I mamaged to coax her and now she is happy. I am happy as i managed to coax T to maintain our working relationship. However i am clear that such a road with T is very unstable and that we have both come to a compromise that we will just remaim as colleagues. It was happy ending in the end. And i hope to nv come across such a crossroad again. Omg. It was very hectic and stressful. Feel v relieved now. Many thanks to all the nice people here who was willing to spend time advising. Really appreciated it. Thank you all.

[Xyberduke]

married and in love with a colleague?
You are so screwed.... Please wake up now...
When married, colleague can be FBs, but never fall in love.
If you are a guy, you lose everything! literally everything!

[xands2001]

Yeah.. i tink so too.. so gotta end it and move on in life with family. I will always keep tos in mind b4 falling into anymore relationships. It is too tired to upkeep

[HelloAngel]

I am happy for you TS. Your unborn kids will grow up knowing their daddy is always there for them in the family and that's something priceless. !