the 3 that changed me

[Coffeecans]

*Hugs* Hope things will go well

[BMW69]

Meowww... Everything ok? Been a while since I heard from you.

[acidicavex]

It a gamble lose or win well nobody know good luck kitty.

[kittymae]

Originally Posted by Coffeecans

*Hugs* Hope things will go well

Thks kopi kor!! (:

Originally Posted by BMW69

Meowww... Everything ok? Been a while since I heard from you.

Yep yep. All is fine...except been busy nagging at SOMEBODY who was a little under e weather ....

Originally Posted by acidicavex

It a gamble lose or win well nobody know good luck kitty.

Thks 师父! Nth is for certain.
I ain't a gambling person really. But when I do...show hand!! Lols (:

[acidicavex]

Originally Posted by kittymae

Thks kopi kor!! (:



Yep yep. All is fine...except been busy nagging at SOMEBODY who was a little under e weather ....


Thks 师父! Nth is for certain.
I ain't a gambling person really. But when I do...show hand!! Lols (:

How true my dear kitty nth is certain sometimes you thought u already hold on tightly it is in your hand. But just to realize it slip out btw your fingers.

Example like I am posting something now this min than next min I get a heart attack and die on the couch lol.

Anyway if u are reading hope u cherish and realise u have a gem in your hand don't regret losing the gem till it is too late already than your realize u wake up and when you realize how valueable She is it all too late already. such gal are hard to come by.

[kittymae]

Originally Posted by acidicavex

How true my dear kitty nth is certain sometimes you thought u already hold on tightly it is in your hand. But just to realize it slip out btw your fingers.

Example like I am posting something now this min than next min I get a heart attack and die on the couch lol.

Anyway if u are reading hope u cherish and realise u have a gem in your hand don't regret losing the gem till it is too late already than your realize u wake up and when you realize how valueable She is it all too late already. such gal are hard to come by.

Ah Choy!! Dai kah lai si (those familiar with canto shld understand)
师父Is 寿比南山k! Lols

姜不愧是老的辣

But still, thks very much for e encouragement!
Come come..in return I help u scratch ur back..hehehehe

[curiouslala]

Originally Posted by acidicavex

How true my dear kitty nth is certain sometimes you thought u already hold on tightly it is in your hand. But just to realize it slip out btw your fingers.

Example like I am posting something now this min than next min I get a heart attack and die on the couch lol.

Anyway if u are reading hope u cherish and realise u have a gem in your hand don't regret losing the gem till it is too late already than your realize u wake up and when you realize how valueable She is it all too late already. such gal are hard to come by.

Woah.. I agreed with this..
If he skipped his chance, I dun think that he will come across someone as good as my lovely kitty jie..
Who like to tie u up n rape u.. lol~~

[Cdistributor]

wow.. this is quite a good read

going to find 2nd story

so sorry that your first R/S ended in this way

[kittymae]

Originally Posted by curiouslala

Woah.. I agreed with this..
If he skipped his chance, I dun think that he will come across someone as good as my lovely kitty jie..
Who like to tie u up n rape u.. lol~~

Hard to say wor sis....
For eg. Maybe he got other "options" out there..gang rape him leh...

[Coffeecans]

Originally Posted by acidicavex

Anyway if u are reading hope u cherish and realise u have a gem in your hand don't regret losing the gem till it is too late already than your realize u wake up and when you realize how valueable She is it all too late already. such gal are hard to come by.

Yea. If you are reading this, give yourself a chance and too give this Kitty a chance. The love and affection in this story far surpasses the physical side. I know there may be doubts about the future and you face difficulties throughout. But just listen to what your heart tells you.

I'm really looking forward to a grand and happy ending here.

Do not take things too for granted, for, if you lose this nice lady here, you might not get a better one in your lifetime.

To whom you may be.

For you, her heart stays.

For her, your heart follows.

*Kits hope you don't mind my kapo ness heeheee, just writing my gut feel*

[kittymae]

T times as I call them, are very precious to me.
Because of our current situation, the time we have tog is rather limited, and perhaps at the expense of incurring the 'wrath' of some of his kin.
We do try to make most of it by doing stuff together like dinner. We both had to eat didn't we?
I was also mindful not to monopolize his time. He had other friends too, and I felt it was important he spent time chilling with them too. For his life is his own to lead, and does not revolve ard mine.
Anything else, is a bonus.

Then the real test came.

The time of festivities drew near. Christmas was fast approaching.
But my heart didn't feel the same cheer that everyone else did celebrating.
In fact, it felt lonelier than usual.
T was busily preparing for celebrations with family, for certain reasons I couldn't be part of.
Nonetheless, he made the effort to text, send pictures over, whilst on my part, I struggled to control what I felt,would overwhelm me.
That which they called the grinch.
Maybe it was part loneliness, but another reason was e reawakening of a certain past event-Ethan.

During the same period, a childhood friend of mine was getting married and had extended an invite to me.
I declined to attend
Not because i didn't wish to share in her joy, but the event with Ethan had caused some strain with other friends in our circle, who would be in attendance.
We,simply couldn't agree on how certain things,were,done/handled during the whole affair.
As I wished to avoid any possibility of any heated exchanges or icy atmosphere when we crossed paths that days, I chose not to attend but still sent my wishes to the bride-to-be.
The awakening of the unhappy memories of Ethan was further stirred by the simple fact that 25/12 crossing over to 26/12 was the day it began with Ethan.

As the members of my household had other commitments, I was left to replay those unhappy memories in my mind at home. Alone.
The house had never felt quieter, never felt so big.
I wished perhaps Santa had popped me a surprise Christmas present in a form of a warm hug
In the end, I spent the night curled up in bed, tasting the familiar saltiness as I cried myself to sleep.

While most people awoke the following day, buoyed by the still present Christmas cheer, I awoke to what seemed to be a dreary day.
I shouldn't have let myself been so affected I guess but anyone who has,ever been alone will understand, how everything negative. Insecurity, worries, etc are magnified.

I had accepted that t this current moment many,things had to be kept "under wraps" so as to speak.
At times, this distance hurt, it really does.
How can someone so close feel so far?
Bt maybe, we can enjoy abit of Xmas together, a nice meal, a simple gift exchange...and then I learned he didn't like receiving presents.
So much for my plans.

Which was why I was greatly surprised and elated when i was "chained to my owner" figuratively speaking.
It could have been $10, it could have been $100 but it was the gesture really that made me
In a way, my plans came through, though not in the way I had planned.
It also gave me the much needed boost to carry on despite everything.
Cos sometimes, I daren't say too much either, being aware that he has a lot on his plate to handle.

And interestingly, all this developed in the absence of sex. Well, until that day I was "chained"....where he shamelessly seduced me

Occasionally I do wonder, given the context of how and where we met, how did,T view me? Especially after reading my story. Someone gullible? Too open? Easy/loose?
I'll probably not know for sure. Neither am I the kind to probe. And T being who he is...well....

Anyways...Perhaps we didn't start off the usual way, but, the beginning isn't as important as the process and the ending.

But will it be the happy ending wished for?

------

A big THANK YOU to the shoutouts from shifu, sis Lala, kopi kor...
For ur words
And for being part of this continuing journey with me
*hugs

[BMW69]

Every cloud has a silver lining. Focus on yours things seems to be getting better. Gullible definitely not. In love perhaps. It's a nice feeling.

[kittymae]

Originally Posted by Cdistributor

wow.. this is quite a good read

going to find 2nd story

so sorry that your first R/S ended in this way

Thanksfor dropping by &the support

Originally Posted by Coffeecans

I'm really looking forward to a grand and happy ending here.

*Kits hope you don't mind my kapo ness heeheee, just writing my gut feel*

Nah..it's fine. (: sometimes it helps getting additional insight from a third person to it things into perspective?
As for the grand and happy ending...well

Originally Posted by BMW69

Every cloud has a silver lining. Focus on yours things seems to be getting better. Gullible definitely not. In love perhaps. It's a nice feeling.

Hm..read on...

[kittymae]

Be happy
Enjoy the time we have together
Don't cry, don't be sad...
The phrases have so often been repeated to myself that I am numbed towards it.

Even though I understand the circumstances very well, that my existence in T's life poses a potential problem if not managed well, sometimes, its heart over mind, and emotions take control.
This kitty succumbs to that monster in every woman.

Every woman has,her own definition of happiness. But some things are universal.
Every woman has a tendency to be jealous,
Every woman wants to be #1 in her man's life
Every woman wants to be able to go out hand in hand with her man with little cares and worries...
Etc etc ..

I do enjoy my time with T when we're out together.
Yet there are times it feels tiring, when extra thought has to be taken on selection of locations. It feels stifling having to restrain myself.
This "sneaking around" actions make me feel very much like a 见不得光的恋情。
Maybe cos its not sanctioned, it does feel that way.

I don't mind if T's work takes precedence over me.
Perhaps I'm traditional in the sense that I believe a man's duty is to provide for the family- thru work, so it comes first, while the woman's duty is to oversee the welfare of the family.

As time passed, I wondered how long would this go on for.
Could my emotional state endure what seemed to have no end in sight?
And if I was weak emotionally, how could I expect to in turn give T the "positive energy" he so needed?

T asked more than once, about the first time we met.
How from then things progressed to how they are now.
He questioned why I decided to sleep with him.
Up to now I honestly do not have an answer.
Not everything has an answer tagged to it. Not every emotional or behavior can be explained.
But if it bothers him, maybe time should be able to rewind and have nothing happen then.
Maybe it would be easier on him?

Sometimes, we get caught up in what we want, can, should do, and neglect how it affects others, their feelings, their thoughts, wants, needs...
...The mighty powers that be...grant me the strength and empathy to get thru all these, with patience, kindness and serenity..

[acidicavex]

thru the failure in the past you have a hidden sub conscience of what you need and want. That is why there is no answer to his question the whole situation sound and look very perfect in once heart. Yet there is something there that need to be workout.

Only time will tell whether this invest of time and youth is worthwhile which also depend on thou shall want to contiune or be worn out 1st.