mistress wants to bear baby

[korean]

Originally Posted by a2014

So if good things happened then you will consider a child with her and if bad things happened to her, you will think otherwise ? Or maybe you are not considering anything but just curious and want to know what will happened to people like her after she met a good guy like you and cannot get together.

I would want to know from you, what is your future plan as for this issue is concern, meaning, what if everything falls into place turn out all good. Also what if everything falls apart and turn against you.

Lets not talk about what profession she is in as I take all profession equal.

yes more towards not considering anything. My objective is quite clear, I want her to be as happy as possible, be it with me, with others, with child, or alone. Nowadays married dont guarantee happiness, so there is no right and wrong. I dont like to influence others to get married/alone or with/without child as everyone has unique requirement, especially my love one I will be more respect her decision. I can only give advice and prewarned her pros n cons for the decision to be made. I love her, but I dont insist her to be with me as I cannot give her sufficient time. At the moment I just morally be with her, if she needs me, I will be there. If she can 放下 and leave me, I will be happy for her of coz, if she is the typical sinister woman, then I will be the one who 放下

[korean]

Really appreciate for ur sharing bro!

I've accepted my fate to live in misery for the rest of my life. Unfortunately I'm the one being tortured too. For the past 10 plus year I'd been trying to separate/divorce multiple times with no success. Even I offered to give her whatever I had (house, money) and quoted me a sum, that didn't change her mind too. For once my gf asked me how much my wife will accept in exchange for a divorce, she will contribute if she has that sum money. I told her forget abt it. When things turned to the worst and I couldn't stand anymore, I requested for separate/divorce and my wife threatened me with suicide. The last incident was early of this year, wear red dress and put up red lipstick, hinting to jump down. Do u think I got the gut to go further, I don't have some years ago she cut her wrist in front of me, althought not a deep cut into the vein but it already driven me crazy. My gf mentioned that she didn't find life meaningful without me, had thought to suicide, but assured me that she will not make that move as she got the responsible to take care of her family. It is lucky that she is not as emotional as my wife or else maybe I'm the one who suicide first.

Originally Posted by porscheclub

I'm sharing my experiences so hopefully people don't follow. What HC King said is right. Women are illogical & too emotional to understand.

There was once I ended on a hospital bed & she wanting to jump few storeys down. Had it not been for her roommates haha, we could all be on wanbao for few nights worth of news!

So bro Korean. Don't do it. Settle your unhappy marriage, be a man for once & do the wife a favour. You guys have easily 30 years together so are you going to live in misery this lifetime? You're also torturing your wife so set everyone free. Since she refuses then move out & you'll get auto divorce after 4 yrs of separation.

Other women & love can come later. Lastly, no $ don't play this game. Just fuck & forget.

[a2014]

Originally Posted by korean

The last incident was early of this year, wear red dress and put up red lipstick, hinting to jump down. Do u think I got the gut to go further

What have you done wrong to her in the past that warrant her to do that to you ?

You better take care of yourself and this situation first.

[korean]

Originally Posted by a2014

What have you done wrong to her in the past that warrant her to do that to you ?

You better take care of yourself and this situation first.

Long stories, but as long as I insisted to divorce or separate she will do that move.

[Iron Fist]

This is one messy affair. Wish you best of luck bro.

[korean]

Originally Posted by Iron Fist

This is one messy affair. Wish you best of luck bro.

Thx for concern bro!

[a2014]

Originally Posted by korean

Long stories, but as long as I insisted to divorce or separate she will do that move.

Looks like she is suffering from depression.

Looks like you need to make do with what you have at this moment.

[a2014]

Originally Posted by korean

I want her to be as happy as possible, be it with me, with others, with child, or alone. Nowadays married dont guarantee happiness, so there is no right and wrong.

If you ask me, I will say since you claim that you love her, then you need to set her free and you will be at her side when on need. I guess this is the only best solution knowing what you have described the one at home and a divorce is not possible. I can only assume.

Holding on to her tight will only burden her as a women. I will rather you let nature take it's course and prepare to extend your help of love when on need. Certainly not in the case of monetary as I guess you are not a money tree.

Her idea of having a child for you is not going to be good because, if you cannot get out of your current marriage, how are you going to look after her. Secondly you cannot go to China to be with her for even for one week then it will leave it for her to manage it herself which is quite unfair for her.

For the time being apparently you may wish the so call help her or even look after her from far away. If she really find someone then I guess you would give her your blessing.

On the other hand look at your existing marriage, maybe not right time to rock the boat. May be very tough for you as you are thinking now, this is the only way you can balance both end.

Not necessary when two person love each other which both think so will be together like love bird, day in day out. I do not say NO as you have other problem to resolve too. Reality can be very cruel at time. some others may not necessary agree.

This is only my personal opinion. Take Care.

[korean]

Bro, think u more or less hit the nails n ur thought is quite in sync with me now.

Good news is that the plan to have princess is postponed due to some bad news which Im not ready to review here. Going forward she'll need my moral support during this difficult time n I'll be seeing her soon.

Again thx for ur concerns.

Originally Posted by a2014

If you ask me, I will say since you claim that you love her, then you need to set her free and you will be at her side when on need. I guess this is the only best solution knowing what you have described the one at home and a divorce is not possible. I can only assume.

Holding on to her tight will only burden her as a women. I will rather you let nature take it's course and prepare to extend your help of love when on need. Certainly not in the case of monetary as I guess you are not a money tree.

Her idea of having a child for you is not going to be good because, if you cannot get out of your current marriage, how are you going to look after her. Secondly you cannot go to China to be with her for even for one week then it will leave it for her to manage it herself which is quite unfair for her.

For the time being apparently you may wish the so call help her or even look after her from far away. If she really find someone then I guess you would give her your blessing.

On the other hand look at your existing marriage, maybe not right time to rock the boat. May be very tough for you as you are thinking now, this is the only way you can balance both end.

Not necessary when two person love each other which both think so will be together like love bird, day in day out. I do not say NO as you have other problem to resolve too. Reality can be very cruel at time. some others may not necessary agree.

This is only my personal opinion. Take Care.

[a2014]

Originally Posted by korean

the plan to have princess is postponed due to some bad news which Im not ready to review here.

Princess postponed ? still have not given up yet. Anyway you know best.

[korean]

Originally Posted by a2014

Princess postponed ? still have not given up yet. Anyway you know best.

That was what she told me after probing from her today. So it is not an issue for now

[Lesp]

I don't normally make posts, but had taken some strong tea and now unable to fall asleep. I've thought through the issues and potential solutions, so may as well pen them down for your consideration, or it will disappear and be forgotten once I break into my work routine later this morning.

Firstly, let's be objective by discarding the extenuating circumstances. This means ignore those factors that may cloud/bias the core issues:
a. She's ex-FL. Ignore. Assume she's an Office Lady.
b. She's a PRC in PRC land. Ignore. Assume she's a 'Foreign Talent' working for some MNC here.

Now, let's look at solutions for the core issues at hand, which are:
1. You're married but unable to separate.
2. You both have expressed mutual affections, to the extent that she would like to bear your child.
Note that a child is a long-term matter for those intimately involved, as well as for the child as well. So solutions will need to serve long-term needs!

You have indicated you want an outcome that would best serve her interests over yours. So you need to seek answers to questions that begin with 'Will she be happy in the long run if...':

i) ..she bears your child and bring him/her up, but will likely not have you around to share the sorrow and joys of life as a full family?
I believe clearly not.

ii) ..she begins to realise that her child feels missed out for not having a fatherly presence around, in their times of need?
Again clearly not, in my view.

iii) ..she eventually loses hope for you and finds someone else she considers worthy to give her the happiness of a complete family?
I think so. Because she's probably still in her 20s and likely pretty enough to attract, you at least! So I don't think she'll have great trouble attracting someone decent, who can commit and care for her and her offsprings.

So if you care for her enough, your best decision is to let her go. Don't for once believe that giving her your child is akin to granting her a wish for happiness. You will be, if you could separate from your current marriage, and commit to her, but you aren't. You will be adding more spice to the hot curry that you can barely swallow atm. She's already ploughed through the mud in deciding to chance this FL trade for quick gains. But if you want what's best for her, it's not your uncommitted seed.

It's probably hurtful for both of you, but for her it's likely to only be temporary. However, I believe this fits the best solution for the above circumstances.

If you, after thinking this through, and decides that this is the right thing to do, then you should think about how to make this easier for her. It's not hard. Just tell her you're just a wanker, who's been patronizing young felines in brothels for years, and under your circumstances, will probably continue to do so, since you're both separated for long periods, irrespective of whether she gets your child or not! Tell her it's for everyone's good. You may ask her to not forget you, though. So that, when she leaves you and does find more lasting happiness, she will be eternally grateful to you for the choice you have helped her make!

Good Luck. Not good news for you though. But that's your current 'fate'. Just don't weigh others down with it, unless you can do something about it.

Does this mean that all mistresses will not be happy in the long run if they were to bear their keeper's child? Well, the single parent issues will remain, but all mistresses are short-lived and by definition of being 'kept for material gains' cannot remain long term, unless you misconstrued the description of her? Perhaps you have, since there was no mention of 'material gains'.

I need to stop now, sleep is catching up.

[angelinspiring]

Dear bro korean,

Its been quite sometime i haven't browse this forum. somehow your story intrigue me. I believe you are having difficulties with your marriage and your mistress. To be honest, one of my best friend actually have the same situation like you. An emotional clinging girlfriend that wants to kill herself if they want to break up and another girlfriend that quite mature and understanding.

I just want to make it simple and short. What he did was..... He married both of them....simple as that.... and somehow they are happier...less dramatic and just got a baby boy....

You see, girls are just girls.... start to think what you have done to them rather always feel guilty what's gonna happen if u take a different action. All I'm saying, you have done your part during your relationship with both of them. Yes.... you are a great man....!!!!...it takes guts, mentally, physically and even financially to have two great women in your life....

So now is time to think about yourselves.... The truth is....whatever decision that you gonna take or do...in the end, the other party (both girls) will say its a fucking bad decision... so make decision based on your happiness and stick to it... it is your time brother....i repeat your time....to be happy!!!

sincerely,
fucking angelinspiring

[Rawall]

Originally Posted by korean

That was what she told me after probing from her today. So it is not an issue for now

Hi bro Korean,
If she brings up the issue again in future and could not be persuaded to drop the idea, try delaying it. Sometimes such decision is made in the spur of the moment, and as circumstances around her changes in future, she will eventually drop the idea.

Having to raise the child alone is definitely not good for her. I was in a very similar situation as you 1 year ago, a WL wish to have my child before going back to PRC, I didn't do it as I could not commit. We still keep in contact and miss each other even today, but she never bring it up again nowadays as I believe she has matured / her focus has changed.

[korean]

Originally Posted by Rawall

Hi bro Korean,
If she brings up the issue again in future and could not be persuaded to drop the idea, try delaying it. Sometimes such decision is made in the spur of the moment, and as circumstances around her changes in future, she will eventually drop the idea.

Having to raise the child alone is definitely not good for her. I was in a very similar situation as you 1 year ago, a WL wish to have my child before going back to PRC, I didn't do it as I could not commit. We still keep in contact and miss each other even today, but she never bring it up again nowadays as I believe she has matured / her focus has changed.

Hi bro,

Nice to see u here.

the problem is, she always insisted on unprotected sex. In the beginning of relationship, she tried to get pregnant, luckily unsuccessful. After some quarrel n incident she relaxed the idea of getting pregnant but chances were still there. We were being frighten several times when her menses were late by days and I gotta buy her the test kit n tested together.

Going forward I will try to persuade her use cd, let's see how.

She'd actually changed her mind a few times.