Gers Are Still Gers

[iloveoversea]

Originally Posted by vesfreq

It was because of his in-laws. They wanted dowry in the form of 20 tables. The in-laws will give him 10k to offset part of the cost of the tables (each table about 1k). But, the catch was that he has to give up all the ang pows (collected during the wedding dinner) to his in-laws.

Well i pity your cousin, as he's gonna have a bunch of blood-suckers for in-laws. Mind you this may only be the beginning.

Frankly speaking a lot of people hold lavishing wedding dinner because of so called "FACE" but it is exactly whats killing us. Wedding is the union of two person who love each other and willing to live together for life. who cares about what others think. i know of someone after deliberating how he should fix his guest list actually gaves up and opt for a buffet style dinner. his motto don't sit together if you don't like each other.

Speaking of "Face", i just attended a wedding dinner hold in a good hotel in China and got my ang bao returned to me a few days later. The guy tell me that he did not take ang bao from anybody as he did not offer gifts to the guest in return. Wonder if its possible for your cousin to cut back on some unnecessary cost and forgo the ang baos from guests. maybe he be better off this way.

[shengge]

Originally Posted by Deep Blue

This is happening every where.....A recent survey in Shanghai, the Shanghai gals demands the guys to have house before they will consider marriage.....

Bro,
The situation in China is very much differ from SGP.
The tradition and custom play some parts of it. The main problem living space. Two of my friends, they are living in 2 rooms local flat, ie one living room and one bed room. For Shanghaiese marriage, the in-laws will normally pay for the home appliances, ie. tv, air-con, fridge, rice-cooker, washing machine and etc.
After all, do what you can afford, marriage life is not just about the wedding dinner and house.
One thing cannot deny that, these days girls are looking more towards comfort when looking for their Mr Right.
Cheers!
SG

[benz]

Indeed money can be the root of all evil,
some guys desire the face of angel and bod of a devil,
some girls desire the money and jewellery,
so pick what you desire just remember nothing comes free.

[jng1103]

Originally Posted by vesfreq

It was because of his in-laws. They wanted dowry in the form of 20 tables. The in-laws will give him 10k to offset part of the cost of the tables (each table about 1k). But, the catch was that he has to give up all the ang pows (collected during the wedding dinner) to his in-laws.

He was caught by surprise, cos' the in-laws didn't mention about this, in the beginning when they were making preparations months back. Now that the in-laws mentioned, he is in a fix, cos' he has to fork out another 10k and will not have the ang pow money to offset the remaining 10 tables...

Personally, I feel sorry for your cousin. Our lives (esp financially) have been rocky for the results of unstable economy yet his in-laws still poses new burden to him. sigh

I think it's OK to have grand wedding ceremony if you are financially prepared. However, if $10K is a big sum to your cousin, I think he does feel the pinch.

Sometimes, we have to ask ourselves what is more important: A grand wedding ceremony or financially secure for retirement? I heard of guys who went all the way to borrow money from credit card to pay for the ceremony and live in debt for the next few yrs. Ask yourself, is it worth? Having a grand ceremony does not equivalent your love for her. A marriage is between two small families, why must we must spend a bomb to invite relatives whom we hardly heard from them for ages?

Good luck to your cousin...

[jng1103]

Originally Posted by Deep Blue

I had known a mutual friend, he is doing fine with a decent income but married to a ITE girl. She is drawing a $1K plus salary. For the wedding, he drained all his resources, went for a honeymoon in Japan all because the wife wanted it and now he is paying off the never-ending debts from credit cards. He thought of selling his car but considering his job nature and the good lashing from the wife, he did not do it. Looking at all these, is this worth it?

Answer: NOT worth...!!! why?
1. He has drained his $$$ resources and it will take a very long time to payback his debts. During this period of time, he will suffer breakdowns and I forsee more arguments between them will follow suits.
2. I doubt his ITE wife is able to assist financially with her decent $1K++ salary.

What's next? A 4-5 rooms flat? Renovation? Furniture? 42" plasma? The list never ends... Dont worry, our govt will always assist us during the rainy days (Progress package is on the way... hehe)

[Deep Blue]

Originally Posted by iloveoversea

Well i pity your cousin, as he's gonna have a bunch of blood-suckers for in-laws. Mind you this may only be the beginning.

Frankly speaking a lot of people hold lavishing wedding dinner because of so called "FACE" but it is exactly whats killing us. Wedding is the union of two person who love each other and willing to live together for life. who cares about what others think. i know of someone after deliberating how he should fix his guest list actually gaves up and opt for a buffet style dinner. his motto don't sit together if you don't like each other.

"Face" is just superficial matter. Marriage is about being together, spending the rest of their lives caring and loving each other thru thick and thin. Spending excessively on wedding telling the whole world that you are getting married, what does it prove then? Look at the wedding photos, dumping in excess of $5K for an album where the most glamorous moments is on the wedding dinner night after that, it lies somewhere to collect dust. Yes, it is “once in a life time” so need to spend then and luckily for us, it is also “Once in a life time.”

[Deep Blue]

Originally Posted by jng1103

Answer: NOT worth...!!! why?

What's next? A 4-5 rooms flat? Renovation? Furniture? 42" plasma? The list never ends... Dont worry, our govt will always assist us during the rainy days (Progress package is on the way... hehe)

My sentiment exactly. There are many other finer details in life that w need to look after. Look at the roles and responsibilities, form a simple son of to be a husband, son in law and father maybe. All these needs efforts and most importantly money to finance. You can hate it and detest it but then many of arguments channels from financial matters.

[suteerak1099]

Originally Posted by Deep Blue

..... You can hate it and detest it but then many of arguments channels from financial matters.

finance subconsciously forms the fuel, bread/butter to establishing a family & all. if the woman is the reason for the man to excel, there's bliss. but if the woman's the cause for the man to excel... then something's not quite right.

put it this way, if we know full well that the woman behind us is a good/supportive spouse... she's able to forego the material privileges that may fall short in the gruelling process of building a family.... hence, there's somehow still positive encouragement & reason for excel.

on the contrary, if the woman behind us is 1 who's self manifesting, hard to please, and "content" not in her dictionary... the man can slog his life away, but... enough will never be enough. would that not make a slave of him eventually?

if my obseravations serve to be correct, this is 1 of the few fatal frightening issue that deters alot of us from marriage in sg. and so propels the F&F mentality (where there's little or no emotional attachment).

[Deep Blue]

Originally Posted by suteerak1099

if my obseravations serve to be correct, this is 1 of the few fatal frightening issue that deters alot of us from marriage in sg. and so propels the F&F mentality (where there's little or no emotional attachment).

Indeed, this is one of the main detering factors in making one to commit. To commit one's love and attention is one thing but all the other financial factors that tied to it is the killer punch.

[OceanEleven]

Originally Posted by iloveoversea

Speaking of "Face", i just attended a wedding dinner hold in a good hotel in China and got my ang bao returned to me a few days later. The guy tell me that he did not take ang bao from anybody as he did not offer gifts to the guest in return. Wonder if its possible for your cousin to cut back on some unnecessary cost and forgo the ang baos from guests. maybe he be better off this way.

Cutting back? Seriously I doubt so, it would be a blessing if it does not increase further. Think about the 四点金， pray hard that it does not become 四点钻. When it comes to 接新娘, make sure the 姐妹 knows what to do. I knew once my friend got $999 and the haggling got on for an hour or so where all become tired and pissed off. He almost walks out if not for the intervention of fellow brothers. As for the banquet, request for free flow of beer and alcohol will seriously dent his pockets for I had seem people drink like a goldfish and the servers keep filling the glasses.

[iloveoversea]

Originally Posted by Deep Blue

Look at the wedding photos, dumping in excess of $5K for an album where the most glamorous moments is on the wedding dinner night after that, it lies somewhere to collect dust. Yes, it is “once in a life time” so need to spend then and luckily for us, it is also “Once in a life time.”

Ya, we guys should be glad it a once in a lifetime thing.

But this "once" will often bring repercussion, i.e. debts that need long time to clear, comparison with other people wedding by wife and so on.

Its like marrying a woman, she got pregnant, then you got to pay for your kid and wife. Somehow i felt its more worthwhile if the money is spent on the kids rather on the wedding. Perhaps i'm not that well off thus i think this way

[iloveoversea]

Originally Posted by OceanEleven

When it comes to 接新娘, make sure the 姐妹 knows what to do. I knew once my friend got $999 and the haggling got on for an hour or so where all become tired and pissed off. He almost walks out if not for the intervention of fellow brothers. As for the banquet, request for free flow of beer and alcohol will seriously dent his pockets for I had seem people drink like a goldfish and the servers keep filling the glasses.

Hmmm, it kind of remind me of an incident where the groom brought his matchmaker to pick up the bride. The “sisters” are of course a hard nut to crack. Somehow after a long period of negotiation the matchmaker lady rush up and declare that the auspicious hour is almost over. Thus the groom pick up the bride and its anybody guess where the ang bao is

[vesfreq]

Originally Posted by t123

I support what you said, my mum just nagged at me said that I am not having GF. I told her and my dad, that gals at GL are abundance, if KTV also can. I am having phobia to commit, recently, a gal from movie was lamenting why I neber go full throttle after her and I was thinking and worrying too much. My 2 biggest worries, not gotten over my phobia after severely hurt by BGRs before, and this gal is a the DHL jumbo.

lol. Bro, my mum never did nag at me about me not having a gf.

My colleagues asked whether I got gf. I show them picture of a modified mazda 3 and said, "this is my gf." hehehehe.

I used to have a gf years back. She was sweet, caring and lovely. But, whenever throw tantrums, it was like hell for me. For that 3mth plus of relationship, I was always throwing money at her.

Thk goodness, I ditched her. Today, I don't have any financial commitment and have a car (not a budget car, somemore). I can date anyone and not having to worry about being hammered with many many .... many audit queries.

I thought of buying mazda 3 and then my char bo cousin (abt 30+) made a heck lot of noise. But, after I slammed her that I was paying, she kept quiet. If gf, want to buy anything also must get PR signed approved. Somemore, raised PO, later she can revoke the PO. "tian li he zhai".

Char bo anytime can get. Just make sure can enjoy that new SLK by urself first, b4 being forced to buy a family car. -_-

[vesfreq]

Originally Posted by Deep Blue

Indeed, this is one of the main detering factors in making one to commit. To commit one's love and attention is one thing but all the other financial factors that tied to it is the killer punch.

There is just no more incentive to commit to a marriage. Gone are the days when decent guy can hope to marry simple girl and live happily ever after.

Its pretty gross to see in-laws demanding financial "compensation" out of a simple wedding affair.

Yet, the matter is not really about the money, but the integrity of the in-laws and the fact that they were not forthcoming in releasing relevant information to the propecting son-in-law.

Better keep money in FD, where u still can earn some interest, risk free. lol. No need to worry about legal obligations and being hit by some archaic act, which has no bearing with modern society.

[OceanEleven]

Originally Posted by iloveoversea

Hmmm, it kind of remind me of an incident where the groom brought his matchmaker to pick up the bride. The “sisters” are of course a hard nut to crack. Somehow after a long period of negotiation the matchmaker lady rush up and declare that the auspicious hour is almost over. Thus the groom pick up the bride and its anybody guess where the ang bao is

Sometimes I wonder what is so fun in asking for Ang Bao, continue to drag and waste time as well. If the couple can afford then perhaps it's fine but if they already walking on thin line, then I dont see the happiness behind it.