Long Distance Tirak Relationship - Myth or Reality

[free]

Originally Posted by E-Moron

Yap, gotta agree wif bro Free on the FL thingy... Me myself oso worried, but can oni trust her not 2 do tt... I belif she doesnt too, n i realli hope she doesn't.. I mean, i can accept her past no prob! But, not if i'm dead serious abt marrying her n she had 2 wait 4 me n she continued working in tt line, esp when i'm remitting 2 her every month... I do hope d worst doesn't happen though.. Think tt d mai pt abt Long Distance R/s bah, itz d mutual trust coz u cant b physically together, but i belif any r/s tt have gone through a LDR, n both r still as faithful n true 2 each other, it would almost b a fairy tale cum through wif d "Happily Ever After" ending...

The best u can do is to help her get into an environment where she has a choice of turning over a new leaf, help her see what the future can be like, and the rest is up to her. If she seizes the opportunity, treasure her. If she doesn't, there are others who will.

I am fortunate my tirak is not materialistic and her needs & desires are reasonably simple. She is happy to learn a skill and earn a diploma in salon and beauty care and to work hard to earn an honest living. I do not promise her riches nor a luxurious life (not even regular taxi rides) - only my dedicated love and care and to give my best to our family, to be a responsible family man. She knows that what I have, I share with her, and if the heavens find it fit to grant me wealth, I will share with her too. But if she wants quick riches and the easy way, told her she has to pick someone else. (guess I find it easier to say that cos I got choices then). She chose to be with me .

That was a major reason why I chose her over Dancer. She was the one who had been there for me, and never left me. Even when I walked away at one point, she waited. Dancer may have wanted to come back when she has done what she wanted to do, but to me, that is a pale shadow compared to Film's sticking by me even when my chips are down and when I am only work-in-process today. I have no reason not to trust her, as I see her change before my very eyes and reaching for long term goals. She had enough of short term fun and gratification, that gives her no assurance of long term and deeper happiness. Short term gratification is easily within her reach but she has learnt to look further.

We still have plenty to work thru and along the way, events of the past (hers and mine) will probably come back to haunt us. The road is not bump-free, but then every bump has so far served to bring us closer together, though some are more painful than others. But we have agree to do our best to endure together as difficulties/hardship come upon us (ต้อง อด ทน dtông òt ton - must endure) has to be one of our most commonly used phrases. We have also turned to religion (Thai Buddhism) together. One of our favorite ways to spend time with each other has been to pray together at temples, do tambun together, listen to the monks' teachings together. In fact, today I spent some time praying alone in the morning at a Thai temple at Changi Road, after I had spend some time "with" my deceased dad at the temple, sharing with him about Film & I. I believe that like my own mum, he will be happy for me as well. (I had a shock when I realised that I was praying in Thai w/o even thinking about it ).

So I say bro E-Moron, only you can fully gauge for your LDTR for yourself. Unless others know the 2 of you well, they can only advice from afar, with valuable advice, no doubt, but nevertheless from afar. They cannot really see/feel what u can. Ask your heart honestly. When there are reasons to doubt, the heart can feel it. Question is really whether we dare to acknowledge it and deal with it.

Open your eyes & ears, every sense in your being; feel, see and listen for yourself. Do it under a variety of environments. Meet with her family, friends who are important to her. Listen to what they ask her, hear what she tells them. See how she behaves/acts/reacts & their response to her. See how they respond to you. Do they treat u special, or does it seemed to be no big deal (as if meeting her tirak is a normal thing that happens frequently)? Use all your senses to listen and feel. Chances are u will know where u stand in her life.

Can we go wrong? Possibly. But if we dun open our hearts and dare to love, how will we ever know the truth?

Originally Posted by free

The best u can do is to help her get into an environment where she has a choice of turning over a new leaf, help her see what the future can be like, and the rest is up to her. If she seizes the opportunity, treasure her. If she doesn't, there are others who will.
Can we go wrong? Possibly. But if we dun open our hearts and dare to love, how will we ever know the truth?

Thanks bro Free 4 d invaluable advice!! Seems like i really really gotta go down 2 her place in order 2 know everytink... Sumtimes when i call her place her family pick up talk 2 me in thai but i cant understand... Thus the desperate need 2 learn it...

[free]

Originally Posted by E-Moron

Thanks bro Free 4 d invaluable advice!! Seems like i really really gotta go down 2 her place in order 2 know everytink... Sumtimes when i call her place her family pick up talk 2 me in thai but i cant understand... Thus the desperate need 2 learn it...

When u call and someone answers and speaks thai, u can say:
kŏr săi gàp koon <her name> kráp
ขอ สาย กับ คุณ <her name> ครับ

Hear the sample (in this example, the person's name is Nok meaning Bird)

BTW, your mini letter is done. Hope u can accept the modified version. U got mail.

Chok Dee Na Krap

[free]

The LDTR is going real well. This time both parties are definitely putting in the effort. We often discussed the things that we do that may cause the other party to get upset/hurt and leave it to the other to do what is right (we call it tam dtua eng). So far so good. A couple of small quarrels here & there that got solved in minutes, as the approach we took is right for us - focus on doing it right the next time round, rather than who is at fault. Had one big one recently (me the culprit), and really hurt her, but I was glad she got over it within an of hour when I called her again later as she need to cool down for a while. It was nice of one of her married sis (my fav one) to talk to her and also explain to me, and in the end, brought us closer. Nice when family members are for the r/s.

We still have some occasional language issues whereby acceptable english phrases (for most Singaporeans) when translated directly into Thai have different implications, sometimes more serious/rude/hurtful in Thai or vice versa. Or sometimes she forgot I am not a native thai and goes into bullet speed and I can't catch her.

We are seriously walking towards our desire to get hitched. Actually I was considering Ku-man (an engagement) 1st but she thought it would be double-spending money and sia dai ngen (waste of money) cos she thinks enagement will cost literally as much as the wedding. In response to my idea to 1st purchase our own accomodation before getting hitched, she said she is ok with us renting until the timing is better for me, so as not to put so much pressure on me, and she is worried about me over-working. Glad am I, for it would be hard to get this response from many TGs, let alone an SG gal.

Her main worry now is that it will be hard for her to live together with me now (when I go up to live) as if we are already married when we are not, and the longer we wait, the more difficult it becomes as ppl/distant relatives will start gossiping. And I hate to be under a shroud of secrecy anyway so I too am considering a earlier rather than later date. Maybe won't have all that I want (or am used to) as yet, but that is OK as we can be at least be together and do whatever we want to do openly, w/o fear of gossip, whatever. Actually we already see the light at the end of our tunnel. Now it is a matter of preserving/enhancing the way the LDTR is progressing, and get the career/biz thing on a steady track, then port over to LOS. Once done, its all systems go.

Meanwhile, Patience, patience....

[free]

extracted from http://www.thaivisa.com

For those of us who are considering moving up and probably heard that the foreigner cannot own a car in his name. My tirak told me it is allowed but a bro here told me cannot - so I tot I'd better confirm for myself.

A foreigner who wants to buy a car and register it in his name, must hold a non-immigrant visa and either a work permit or a proof-of-address document from the Immigration Office.

So if you don't work in Thailand, just get proof that you live here by getting the document from the Immigration Office.The fee is 500 baht.

And in case anyone dun know:

Thai driving license - driver's license
An international driving license is not required for persons with Driving Licenses of the following countries irrespective of the citizenship :

• Singapore
• Malaysia

[free]

Edited - deleted due to accidental repost of above cos saved the changes twice. Boss Sam can kindly delete this post?

[free]

The Day My Sweetheart Cried & Cried

Last Friday evening, got a call from her at an "abnormal" time. She was crying! And sounded like she has been crying for a while.

Film: Yoyo mai mii lɛ́ɛo (Yoyo is her pet กระต่าย Grà-Dtàai or Rabbit)
(Yoyo no more already)
Me: Tam-mai mâi mii lɛ́ɛo ? Dtaai lɛɛo rʉ̆ʉ bplàao ?
(Why no more? Has it died?)
Film: Mâi châi
(No)
Me: Lɛ́ɛo tam-mai
(Then why?)
Film: Kăo mâi hâi yɔ́ɔn glàp. Bɔ̀ɔk wâa hâi bpai kon ʉ̀ʉn lɛ́ɛo
(She dun want to return to me. Said given away to someone already)
Me: #$%&*?/)*&^!~

Background History
Before she left for her granny's home in Phrae before Songkran, she handed over her pet rabbit to an acquaintance who said she does not mind taking care of it since she already has one. Upon Film's return to BKK, she went to collect her rabbit

Now that acquaintance does not want to return it, giving the excuse she has given it away. Film thinks she likes her rabbit and wants to keep it for herslf cos it is really very pretty. Such is the ugly phenonmenon associatied with some Thais. How can one give away what does not belong to her, without giving even a call to the rightful owner? What sort of a reason is that? Pure Greed and simply ugly behavior !

Anyway I consoled my tirak and told that her rabbit may have gone away and probably never coming back, but I will always be there for her. Told her that like the song " รักเธอไม่มีวันหยุด Rák təə mâi mee wan-yùt ", my love for her is 24x7 also. She felt better, thank me and said to sms me before sleeping (our normal daily routine)

A few minutes later, got a real nice sms from her saying,
"มีถ้อยคำ บางคำ อยาก ให้ รู้ I miss you everytime "
(mii tôi kam baang kam yàak hâi rúu I miss you everytime)
{translated as "I have some words of confession I want you to know - I miss you all the time}

These little bits of nice words I get from her often, whether after I've done something nice for her or more importantly when I am down and really needed her. They are what really made the difference. Not the standard "commercial" & "I love/miss you" type of smses. Makes the r/s so much richer and enjoyable.

Note: Some ppl pronounce Grà-Dtàai as Gà-Dtàai (ketai)

[Bangkok Master]

Originally Posted by free

Now that acquaintance does not want to return it, giving the excuse she has given it away. Film thinks she likes her rabbit and wants to keep it for herslf cos it is really very pretty. Such is the ugly phenonmenon associatied with some Thais. How can one give away what does not belong to her, without giving even a call to the rightful owner? What sort of a reason is that? Pure Greed and simply ugly behavior !

This is one of the reason that you can't trust a thai 100%, to them it's normal not to return and give some crap reasons for that. My gf also lost 1 hp after borrowing it to her friend and the fucking hp was one of my spare phones. The reason she gave was she accidentally misplaced it somewhere, WTF, you lost someone's belongings and never reimburse back nevermind, CCB never even apologise for losing it! I just blew my top and asked her to fucked off. You see most of the thais will think that if their friends or siblings have foreign tirak, they will tend to take advantage of these kind of situations. The most common is borrowing $, I encounter numerous occasion from my gf's friends approaching to ask for a loan and I told my gf straight to the point if you want to borrow them that's your decision, I would not be interferring it regardless whether you get it back or not. I think must always set things straight to the point to prevent them from "Kit Biow"(thinking tricks).

[thaivisitor]

Originally Posted by free

The Day My Sweetheart Cried & Cried

Last Friday evening, got a call from her at an "abnormal" time. She was crying! And sounded like she has been crying for a while.

Before she left for her granny's home in Phrae before Songkran, she handed over her pet rabbit to an acquaintance who said she does not mind taking care of it since she already has one. Upon Film's return to BKK, she went to collect her rabbit

Now that acquaintance does not want to return it, giving the excuse she has given it away.

NBzzz, now even rabbit story also want to post here ah? You run out of story to tell or what? KNN, your Film not 5 years old girl lah.... lose one rabbit cry and call you.

KNN, for all you know the neighbour already cook the rabbit and eat it but bluff say gave away. BTW, rabbit meat damn nice leh... I like.

[oxilary]

Originally Posted by thaivisitor

BTW, rabbit meat damn nice leh... I like.

and i thought it was a giant chicken drumstick dat tasted extra delicious

[thaivisitor]

Originally Posted by Bangkok Master

This is one of the reason that you can't trust a thai 100%, to them it's normal not to return and give some crap reasons for that.

Ya lor,.... psst! you think film may be bluffing?

[thaivisitor]

Originally Posted by oxilary

and i thought it was a giant chicken drumstick dat tasted extra delicious

Yes, it does taste like chicken

[free]

Originally Posted by thaivisitor

NBzzz, now even rabbit story also want to post here ah? You run out of story to tell or what? KNN, your Film not 5 years old girl lah.... lose one rabbit cry and call you.

KNN, for all you know the neighbour already cook the rabbit and eat it but bluff say gave away. BTW, rabbit meat damn nice leh... I like.

Have you ever heard of advice given by relationship gurus (mostly western) to observe how someone behaves pertaining to their pets to have an idea of what kind of emotional bonds the person can build with another?

If she had tidak apa after taking care of that rabbit since it was a tiny baby, I would have been concerned. It would mean she is the easily Dtat Jai type. Especially when the rabbit is close enough to her to respond to her voice and actually goes to her when she calls its name, even if it at another corner of the room or even the nextm room. I tried calling "Yoyo" too, but it ignored me completely KNN.

Actually those gurus were talking about pet dogs but Film did not want to have a dog as yet cos it cost more to maintain it. In fact she rejected the possibility of a puppy again tonite cos she knows it simply will mean an additional financial load on us.

Guess you come across to me as a man where a rabbit is just yet another animal, (can u eat your own pet?) and if it's gone can be replaced by another. But in reality (at least for me & I know now for Fim too), once we formed a bond with a pet, it becomes irreplaceable (will not be a 100% substitution). Shit, I ever remembered my pet Moray eel I had 16 years ago! Not to mention my pet dog which died a long time.

And there are the other things that resulted, our exchange of words that meant a lot to us, cos both of us are romantics. Perhaps for u, it may be but a waste of time and energy, but for us, there are the essence that kept us going & the r/s alive. That's why there was no way Rain and I would have made it, even if we really forced ourselves.

[free]

Originally Posted by thaivisitor

Ya lor,.... psst! you think film may be bluffing?

KNN, you Jing reu Bplaao. Cannot understand what bro BM wrote meh?Obviously trying to poke at me again issit? No worry, I Jai yen yen one

Bro Free ~ You have my envy man... seems like a profound understanding of thai has certainly helped you n Film communicate so much beta n dearer! She can sms u in thai ah? Interesting....

Well, it's becoz Film treats bro Free as a real tirak mah... She wants n hopes 2 share everytink in her life wif him.. b it sad, or happy moments 2gether... n i feel tt is so nice n romantic! ~ Esp. in LDR, since we often cant c 1 another, we cant realli b there 2 console n comfort... Hence a few comforting words from Bro Free made Film just happy...

IMHO, i feel itz kind of Bro Free 2 share his stories wif us... Reagrding d issue of fully trusting a Thai, i feel itz more on a personal note.. depends on the person oso bah ~ Cant 1 pole kill all men on boat oso rite? keke