What if the gal/guy turns out to be a relative, whether closed or distant?

[t123]

I just discover a female close friend whom I nearly did it with it, may just as well is a distant relative by family tree. I was told by my dad that if it is true, then we are. Now that gal seemed distraught and can't accept the truth, we shared the same surname even though its minority as compared to the Lees, Lims and Tans in Singapore. Now the scene is a bit like chinese play 雷雨.

Bros and Sis care to give your views please. For me, I already don't want to go further even before I get to know this because she is married. I just hope that she will be more rational about it.

[Bebeque]

Originally Posted by t123

I just discover a female close friend whom I nearly did it with it, may just as well is a distant relative by family tree. I was told by my dad that if it is true, then we are. Now that gal seemed distraught and can't accept the truth, we shared the same surname even though its minority as compared to the Lees, Lims and Tans in Singapore. Now the scene is a bit like chinese play 雷雨.

Bros and Sis care to give your views please. For me, I already don't want to go further even before I get to know this because she is married. I just hope that she will be more rational about it.

Just to be frank with you. My comments:

1 Your red alert should already be up when you know that she is married. If you get involved with her, you then become the third party. If as a result, the marriage broke up, then you could be held responsible and accountable ... both legally, emotionally or morally.

2 If the girl is married and still could become close to you and "...nearly did it with it" then it appears that the marriage is shaky or undergoing some problems. Be aware that under such a scenario, the girl may be just grapping out for anyone for emotional support or as a party to pour out her woes too. She would most likely also inclinced to get involved with some other party, physically and emotionally ... something like love on a rebound ...only in this case, the ball has not fallen (that is, she may not be divorced/separated yet) and when you choose to receive the ball at this moment, you are also going to get a whole lot to shit from her.

3 Ask yourself, under such circumstances, are you capable to handle her with her mood swings and emotionally draining episodes between her and her current husband? Are you yourself 100% sure you will be able to handle this appropriately without hurting yourself, her and her family?

4 Ask youself, are you out for just the sex or do you really love her? If just for sex, then best thing is not involved at this stage, unless you are fxxx and go.

5 It appears to me that the girl is indeed going to take you as a crutch to her present situation ..."gal seemed distraught and can't accept the truth". Despite the fact that you may be related, she is apparently still unwilling to let go ...of you.

6 The fact that you may be related whether distantly or not, is not so crucial at the moment. So long as both of you are not siblings or close cousins (sons/daughters of father's or mother's brothers and sisters), it is genetically or morally all right. If the possibility of being related is not acceptable to you or her or your families in establishing a relationship with each other, accept this. Better still, this is a perfect reason to keep your distance away from her from now on.

7 What you now need to do is to sort out yourself first ... who does she mean to you?

- Just a close friend? If you are sure you are capable to helping her resolve her problems and issues, go ahead and give help ...but just as what friend would do, nothing emotional or physical.
- If you are just attracted to her physically, and you want to do it with her, then you are potentially getting yourself into a whole lot of problems. Legally, you become the third party. Emotionally, you are going get a lot of mood swings. Morally or family wise, if your relationship does go well, the fact that you may be related will result in a lot of unhappy situation between your elders.
- If you are just attracted to her physically, that is, sex only, then there are better ways to downloading your drive elsewhere without all these baggages in tow.
- If you are in love with her, be aware that currently she is married and are you prepared for a possibly long wait for her to sort out her current marriage? Are you prepared to go through with her the divorce, and then be married to her? What if she still loves her husband or family (plus children).
- Do you know if she also loves you? You have to be sure before being involved as she is already married!!!
- Sometimes, in a relationship, the circumstances are just not right or ripe for it to go through, for example, there are a lot of problems or issues in the relationship. At such times, it is best to let go if you do not want to be saddled with future problems.

8 Only you can work out the above yourself as only you know best the situation between two of you. Then make a decision and go ahead with it.

I am no expert in relationships, just offering my comments on your post. Good luck to you and hope you will be happy with what you decide and with favourable outcomes.

[t123]

Originally Posted by Bebeque

Just to be frank with you. My comments:

1 Your red alert should already be up when you know that she is married. If you get involved with her, you then become the third party. If as a result, the marriage broke up, then you could be held responsible and accountable ... both legally, emotionally or morally.

2 If the girl is married and still could become close to you and "...nearly did it with it" then it appears that the marriage is shaky or undergoing some problems. Be aware that under such a scenario, the girl may be just grapping out for anyone for emotional support or as a party to pour out her woes too. She would most likely also inclinced to get involved with some other party, physically and emotionally ... something like love on a rebound ...only in this case, the ball has not fallen (that is, she may not be divorced/separated yet) and when you choose to receive the ball at this moment, you are also going to get a whole lot to shit from her.

3 Ask yourself, under such circumstances, are you capable to handle her with her mood swings and emotionally draining episodes between her and her current husband? Are you yourself 100% sure you will be able to handle this appropriately without hurting yourself, her and her family?

4 Ask youself, are you out for just the sex or do you really love her? If just for sex, then best thing is not involved at this stage, unless you are fxxx and go.

5 It appears to me that the girl is indeed going to take you as a crutch to her present situation ..."gal seemed distraught and can't accept the truth". Despite the fact that you may be related, she is apparently still unwilling to let go ...of you.

6 The fact that you may be related whether distantly or not, is not so crucial at the moment. So long as both of you are not siblings or close cousins (sons/daughters of father's or mother's brothers and sisters), it is genetically or morally all right. If the possibility of being related is not acceptable to you or her or your families in establishing a relationship with each other, accept this. Better still, this is a perfect reason to keep your distance away from her from now on.

7 What you now need to do is to sort out yourself first ... who does she mean to you?

- Just a close friend? If you are sure you are capable to helping her resolve her problems and issues, go ahead and give help ...but just as what friend would do, nothing emotional or physical.
- If you are just attracted to her physically, and you want to do it with her, then you are potentially getting yourself into a whole lot of problems. Legally, you become the third party. Emotionally, you are going get a lot of mood swings. Morally or family wise, if your relationship does go well, the fact that you may be related will result in a lot of unhappy situation between your elders.
- If you are just attracted to her physically, that is, sex only, then there are better ways to downloading your drive elsewhere without all these baggages in tow.
- If you are in love with her, be aware that currently she is married and are you prepared for a possibly long wait for her to sort out her current marriage? Are you prepared to go through with her the divorce, and then be married to her? What if she still loves her husband or family (plus children).
- Do you know if she also loves you? You have to be sure before being involved as she is already married!!!
- Sometimes, in a relationship, the circumstances are just not right or ripe for it to go through, for example, there are a lot of problems or issues in the relationship. At such times, it is best to let go if you do not want to be saddled with future problems.

8 Only you can work out the above yourself as only you know best the situation between two of you. Then make a decision and go ahead with it.

I am no expert in relationships, just offering my comments on your post. Good luck to you and hope you will be happy with what you decide and with favourable outcomes.

I already trying my best to keep a distance, told her the pro and cons, but she trying to hold emotional hostage.

[imax88]

TS did not say girl is married. But bro bebeque is right, settle one issue at a time. if she is married, let her get divorced first. if go into an r/s with her now, it is like catching a falling knife...

[Bebeque]

Originally Posted by t123

I already trying my best to keep a distance, told her the pro and cons, but she trying to hold emotional hostage.

Sorry, do not understand your "emotional hostage" part.

As I commented, if the possibility of being related is raised and is an issue with your families, it is then a perfect excuse to keep your distance. You have to act to take the advice of your elders.

If this family excuse cannot be used, then the fact that she is already married is another perfect excuse. Tell her that if she is married, you should not be involved with her, period.

If by "emotional hostage" you mean that you are both emotionally involved already, then it is right at this moment to make a break for it. Tell yourself, if you do not want to have all the heartaches, don't get emotionally involved with someone who is currently married. Believe me, there will be a lot of tooing and froing between two parties when they are married before the final divorce. Then tell her that in view of the current situation, both of you cannot continue to be involved. Period.

At this moment, you have to tell yourself not to be soft hearted and continue with this. Steel yourself to break this relationship if you do not want all the emotional, legal, moral problems in being involved with a married person.

If you have already fucked her and could not get yourself emotionally extricated from this relationship, then good luck to you. Be prepared for all the problems that come to you eventually by getting involved.

You have to make a stand, one way or another. Good luck again.

[t123]

Originally Posted by Bebeque

Sorry, do not understand your "emotional hostage" part.

You have to make a stand, one way or another. Good luck again.

一哭，二闹，三上吊. Never do her, she kpkb. Must make it a point to see me. I ask her see shrink she offended.

[AlexV]

Just boink her. She is so far distant that you did not know. Only don't do first or second cousins. Any further and a boink shouldn't matter. Wouldn't marry her though or you'll forever be the ones stared at during family reunions ha ha ha

Or get drunk, then you can blame the beer...

[Bebeque]

Originally Posted by t123

一哭，二闹，三上吊. Never do her, she kpkb. Must make it a point to see me. I ask her see shrink she offended.

一哭，二闹，三上吊, Exactly these are the tactics of girls who want to use a man as a crutch. Looks like she already has an emotional hold on you.

Unless you want to make a break ...

Its your decision, let me reiterate:

1 If she is married, you have plenty of issues coming from her;

2 If you have fucked her and now does not want to let go of her, be prepared for the problems and issues.

3 If you want to break from all the above issues and problems, you have to find a way out, any excuse. Family related, family objections, she already married, etc. or any combination, any reason. But you have to tell her this is what you want ... no matter what her reaction. Sorry, it may be easier said than done but you have to do it.

4 If you are soft hearted, cannot withstand her tactics and cannot get away from her, continue and so be it. Just handle with care so that you yourself are not disadvantaged or hurt.

5 Sorry, still don't understand her hold on you ... if you are just close friends, why you bothered by her 3 tactics?

Enough said. Only you yourself understand what is best under your circumstances. The decision is yours to make and to live with.

Good luck, lover boy.

[t123]

Originally Posted by Bebeque

一哭，二闹，三上吊, Exactly these are the tactics of girls who want to use a man as a crutch. Looks like she already has an emotional hold on you.

Unless you want to make a break ...

Its your decision, let me reiterate:

1 If she is married, you have plenty of issues coming from her;

2 If you have fucked her and now does not want to let go of her, be prepared for the problems and issues.

3 If you want to break from all the above issues and problems, you have to find a way out, any excuse. Family related, family objections, she already married, etc. or any combination, any reason. But you have to tell her this is what you want ... no matter what her reaction. Sorry, it may be easier said than done but you have to do it.

4 If you are soft hearted, cannot withstand her tactics and cannot get away from her, continue and so be it. Just handle with care so that you yourself are not disadvantaged or hurt.

5 Sorry, still don't understand her hold on you ... if you are just close friends, why you bothered by her 3 tactics?

Enough said. Only you yourself understand what is best under your circumstances. The decision is yours to make and to live with.

Good luck, lover boy.

Me no loverboy. In fact not seen her for a while. I told her everything the last time. Hope she can understand my intention. I don't want more from her just a freindship. Never did her yet at all. Thats why I can't be selfish to her.

[LovePotion]

What a coincidence. Better beccareful and not let the fire burn wild.

[shiokpleasure]

Strange that the fact u know she's married doesn't stop you. But because she's yr distant relative made u think twice. V strange and peculiar way of thinking.

[t123]

Originally Posted by shiokpleasure

Strange that the fact u know she's married doesn't stop you. But because she's yr distant relative made u think twice. V strange and peculiar way of thinking.

What so strange? In fact, I already told her she is married countless of times, at that point, I was ditched, hurt and lonely. Desire took over, but in the end never did more than petting. Not that now I just wanna stop because she is a distant cousin, just that its something for me to tell her to stop since there is a valid ground why we can't be together. I realised my mistakes then, now I already stopped seeing her in person.

[DO_YOU_BJ]

Originally Posted by t123

I just discover a female close friend whom I nearly did it with it, may just as well is a distant relative by family tree. I was told by my dad that if it is true, then we are. Now that gal seemed distraught and can't accept the truth, we shared the same surname even though its minority as compared to the Lees, Lims and Tans in Singapore. Now the scene is a bit like chinese play 雷雨.

Bros and Sis care to give your views please. For me, I already don't want to go further even before I get to know this because she is married. I just hope that she will be more rational about it.

Under normal circumstances, it's just u n her.
This one, get entangled, family, parents, uncle aunties ah pek ah sim gor gor jie jie all come in & the complication wud be something beyond even if 2 of u were to combine to stand up against.
Siam ah.....this fire, not fire protection suit can protect you!

[Bebeque]

Originally Posted by t123

Me no loverboy. In fact not seen her for a while. I told her everything the last time. Hope she can understand my intention. I don't want more from her just a freindship. Never did her yet at all. Thats why I can't be selfish to her.

Hi goody boy. Appears you have the situation under control if you have already made your stand clear to her.

Why then you still post your thread? and continue to deliberate on it?

1 Your thread question on close/distant relative appears to be a non issue.

2 "Never did her yet at all." If the issue is not sex and the consequential emotional hold, then you have no motivation to fall for her 3 tactics. You help her to the extend as a friend, if you can, as a listening ear, but not to be pullled into her life, her family, her problems. If not, her problems will become your problems and you will then have to devote time, money, efforts and emotional drain to attend to them.

3 If you have not be in touch with her for some time, either because she is not contacting you or you are avoiding her, then your stand was clear to her and more likely she will go looking for someone else to be another emotional crutch on. You are free, man.

4. "Thats why I can't be selfish to her." Don't understand your intention with this comment. If she has no hold on you other than as a friend, why are you being selfish to her? She has problems, and so does everyone else. What else can you do as a friend?

The intention of your thread is unclear and your answers appear to be deliberately vague and without details.

If bro has misinterpreted your purpose of posting such a thread, then we have commented in vain. We have been short in brain.

What you say?

[t123]

Originally Posted by Bebeque

Hi goody boy. Appears you have the situation under control if you have already made your stand clear to her.

Why then you still post your thread? and continue to deliberate on it?

My purpose is to asking you guys to share if u have a similar situation what would u do. Me, I just treated her like sticky gum, and nothing else. Except being harsh to her many times, I can't do much for helr. But on the other hand, I am also human, not with regards to do her and be a bastard after that. I just on & off worried if she will have a serious mental breakdown. I do enjoy cheonging, but for me, I mean me alone not implying anyone else, I do have a conscience.

So I am not confused at all. Whether commented in vain or not, to me since its a forum, some posts have some or no comments. If posting here is all about sexual conquest that make us la creme de la creme, then the boss have to specify about it.

Cheers