The one you marry, is not the one you loved most?

[Da Vinci]

very interesting discussion................

[gilagila100]

Originally Posted by pfingo

tell us wat is so good about them?

Not all are bad just that the good ones are getting harder to find.

Other than that, regardless of race or nationalities, it is also a matter of it takes two hands to clap.

It is very important for you to cherish your other half, but equally important for her to appreciate your effort.

Both have to contribute to make the relationship work. Simple to say but very very hard to do especially for 20-30 years or more.

[Clyde Frog]

Nice topic! But I guess it still comes down to a differentiation of lust and love. Some mistakes one for the other.

Well, onto Singapore women.

It really depends on where the girls are grown up in and how much they have accustomed to, to be contend with life.

You can't compare for example a vietnamese girl to a singapore girl because they have grown up in different environments. Their needs are different. Generally, Singapore girls want more out of a marriage. Nobody wants extra suffering going into a marriage. They want to be happy. And what amount of material wealth does it take to make a girl happy is subjective to what kind of upbringing she is accustomed to. This makes Singapore women harder to get. You have to offer more. In comparison, you can get a pretty Vietnamese wife for around 15k. Easier to get? Definitely.

Either way, you have to love them to be married. And yes, you have to take crap from them once you are married. And you take crap because you love them. It's just how much crap. (I don't know. Maybe you take less crap because the viet girl has lots more to lose if she leave you? But I don't know)

Also, I agree that you can't marry without love.

Why would you do that? I got a local girl because I don't know how to love a vietnamese girl without 24 hours of meeting her. Lots of lust, yes. But love? I don't know. I don't think I am capable of it.

I have waited through 3 boyfriends that "loved" my wife. Guess they didn't love her enough. In the end, I won! It was a bloody long wait. But I married her. I take her crap and I love it! When you start taking crap from her and realize that you love it, yup, that's love. Unless you are clear you have that feel, don't get married.

Just sharing my personal experience.
:-)

[giggz83]

one good old thread revitalised. good!

[XPlayer]

I'm getting married next year, and as much as I love my future bride, I know that she is not the one I loved the most.

The GF I loved the most was not as tall, not as beautiful (face & body) nor as exotic as my current GF. But somehow, I loved her very much. Everything was wonderful except for one, religion. She is very religious and firmly devout in her faith (except when it involved me). I was her first lover, and as far as I can tell, the only man she has ever been with. In loving me, she went against her religious beliefs (no sex outside marriage), and went along with my desires (anal, threesome, public places)

I loved her so much, she brought emotional stability back into my life after I had my heart shattered in a previous relationship. I wanted to marry her. I even proposed to her. But she said she couldn't marry me unless I converted to her faith. Even though she was willing to go against many of her beliefs for me, and even though she wanted to be with me forever, that was the one line she wouldn't cross. I wanted to marry her, but I couldn't bring myself to do it, so we were stuck.

It took us a long time to figure out what to do next. In the end, to avoid the stigma common in Asian societies of being an unwed mother, I helped her migrate to a Western country, where she had my child. I support her and my daughters (I have two kids with her) financially, and I do visit them a couple times a year. She knows we can't be together, but at least I am fulfilling my part of the agreement.

My future wife knows of my situation, it wouldn't be fair to hide it from her. She knows that by marrying me, she has to accept this particular part of my life as well, and she has done so.

It really sucks when something like religion gets in the way, because it is so difficult to resolve it.

[fanaticd]

wah... bro, I admire you!
your future wife knows about her also and she can accept?

how i wish my wife is so understanding. haha... at least my gfs will be able to have a place side by side with her but well, too bad, do not have the luck. My wife is a jealous pot and very suspicious, Love is blind or love makes you blind, either way, i still love my wife but also loves others. lets say it is split into 33%, 33%, 33% and 1% for myself. hehe...

Good luck man!

[Longitude]

I've been married for 12 years already. It is said that the course of love never run smooth. This is very true. In the course of my relationship there lots of moments of unhappiness and frustration. But it was certainly not bereft of moments of joy. Whenever I am down I will recall such moments, luxuriate on them and end up smiling to myself.

Just note that euphoria does not last long and will definitely fade away; infatuation is not a glue that bind marriages.

[evo3]

Yes is true after you have married for a very long time said 15 - 20 years, youe love towards your wife tend to fade away and you will divert all your love to your lovely kids. I think the reason is either both parties after a long period of time have got nothing to talk anymore and may also always have argument over samll matter and does not see things in the same way.
I believe at least 60% of those married couple will have such problem.

[uenuei]

If the one we love is our wife,wat r we doing here?

[Express]

Originally Posted by uenuei

If the one we love is our wife,wat r we doing here?

Because I love my wife and also love to cheong.

[airen]

Its my virgin post... Sorry if my story is too boring

The woman I love.. I met her 20 years ago (same class in sec 2), she is not the most prettiest in my class, but i like her fair complexion with an innocent smile and kind natural.. Although I know she is aware of my feeling towards her, but I didn't had the courage to make the confession; cos I'm too poor to ask her out for a movie and dinner treat, I feel inferior..

We remain as 'frds' for the past 2 years.. until I saw she was with my classmate LJ Long (Geng na tuo). Hated myself for thinking LJ Long was banging her and took her V, I was so devastated and decided to keep a distance from her. After few mths some frds told me they've broke off..
but it doesn't change my attitude and behaviour with her..
Although I remain cool and 'bo chap' her, but she still hold a very important place in my heart.

Cut the story short, we've move on; in our 30's now... both of us still single, she is an stewardess and I'm in sales. She got countless ex bf, I had only 4 ex gf. We still in contact and I can say her position in my heart remains unchanged, but still I dun think i can afford her 'material needs' just like 20 yrs ago.

I think 'The One you can't have is the one you love most'..

[tuxedosam]

love isn't the same as lust, just like there are many different ways of approaching marriage, and many different social mores, cultural attitudes or other intervening factors and currents that can affect a marriage or any other sorta relationship. i think there are some generalised patterns and archetypes that we often assign some normative value of 'normalcy' to..but look hard enough and you'll see that even some seemingly minor factor of divergence could actually have some sorta critical effect somewhere down the line. what i mean is that no two relationships are identical...so much as we like to generalise, there is a limit to the kind of 'wisdom' that can be obtained from such sweeping 'analyses' and pronouncements. in any case, i think there are many different (and even conflicting) interpretations of 'love' out there...it's quite pointless to force your own views and standards on others. personally, i do think love is probably needed in a marriage, but to put things simply, it is also undeniable that the love in this context needs to be defined in a way that is culturally and individually relevant to both parties. outside of the relationship, it might not actually make sense to an external observer...but is it fair to say that there's no 'love' involved absolutely? anyway, to love isn't always an exclusive project, at least to this person. it's possible to be in love with two different people at the same time. then again, it's hard not to run into issues of honesty, sincerity and faithfulness in such a case...or perhaps not. but why does one need to compare? maybe they're just not the same, yet not really something to be thought of as either 'greater' or 'lesser'? why can't you accept that one love co-exists or overlaps another (in terms of time or space), perhaps even in an unresolved manner without having to be ranked on some hierarchical order? anyway, that's just my view. my personal observation is that some people are just frustrated with the current state their own lives and their prior choices, when, very often, they just dun even have the balls to make any drastic changes in the first place...thinking about the past in terms of 'loss' and 'what ifs' is just a coping strategy to romanticise their biographies and make themselves feel better. self-pity definitely plays a part...because some people just dun wanna really be responsible and accountable to themselves first and foremost (hence all the excuses about the kids and all having to take priority to prolong the misery of a failed and loveless marriage etc. etc. etc.). but seriously, there's nothing wrong really with that...and neither am i saying all nostalgic trips are by definition deluded fantasies... still, it's just a question of whether you're being honest with yourself: does one rue the loss because it meant parting with THE love of one's life, or was it simply because it was the one that got away... love is sometimes, simply overrated. then again, what do i know?

[tklover]

let fate do the decision

[gofuckspider]

Originally Posted by airen

Its my virgin post... Sorry if my story is too boring


I think 'The One you can't have is the one you love most'..

bro ai ren...fully agree with u 101% on yr quote..the one that we can't have is perhaps the one we most keen for..to love or to induldge in other issue..

[yoursecret]

Originally Posted by XPlayer

I'm getting married next year, and as much as I love my future bride, I know that she is not the one I loved the most.

The GF I loved the most was not as tall, not as beautiful (face & body) nor as exotic as my current GF. But somehow, I loved her very much. Everything was wonderful except for one, religion. She is very religious and firmly devout in her faith (except when it involved me). I was her first lover, and as far as I can tell, the only man she has ever been with. In loving me, she went against her religious beliefs (no sex outside marriage), and went along with my desires (anal, threesome, public places)

I loved her so much, she brought emotional stability back into my life after I had my heart shattered in a previous relationship. I wanted to marry her. I even proposed to her. But she said she couldn't marry me unless I converted to her faith. Even though she was willing to go against many of her beliefs for me, and even though she wanted to be with me forever, that was the one line she wouldn't cross. I wanted to marry her, but I couldn't bring myself to do it, so we were stuck.

It took us a long time to figure out what to do next. In the end, to avoid the stigma common in Asian societies of being an unwed mother, I helped her migrate to a Western country, where she had my child. I support her and my daughters (I have two kids with her) financially, and I do visit them a couple times a year. She knows we can't be together, but at least I am fulfilling my part of the agreement.

My future wife knows of my situation, it wouldn't be fair to hide it from her. She knows that by marrying me, she has to accept this particular part of my life as well, and she has done so.

It really sucks when something like religion gets in the way, because it is so difficult to resolve it.

Brave man (and brave future wife). Life is difficult but you did the decent thing. She must love you very much to go through with all this despite her religion. She put you over God leh!