mistress wants to bear baby

[a2014]

Originally Posted by korean

Actually my wife also asked for permission to bear my baby eventhough she don't want initially as afraid if I leave this world earlier than her or anything happen to me, there is still a mini version of me accompanying her. So I take it as similar mindset.

Anyway the matter of baby is not my present concern.

Really coincident in their thinking. Do take care. Due to they are afraid to loose you, they thought that this is the only way out. Be it good or bad, you just be careful and think carefully before you act.

The only difference you are facing now is that one you don't love at all at this moment and the other you are madly in love at this moment. I am not saying it's wrong but just happened to ring a bell when you mention about it.

Do take care bro.

[patric12]

If divorces, what will be your compensation to your wife.
does your wife know you have stopped loving her?
what ending you want?

Originally Posted by korean

Hi sis,

To summarize, she would like to be with me. However due to she couldn't come to sg, I couldn't freely go oversee, I can hardly divorce, ... She thought of this alternative to own a mini version of me. Actually my wife also asked for permission to bear my baby eventhough she don't want initially as afraid if I leave this world earlier than her or anything happen to me, there is still a mini version of me accompanying her. So I take it as similar mindset.

Anyway the matter of baby is not my present concern.

[zan888]

Originally Posted by korean

yes i agree with u that gotta fix the issues with my wife first.

I will consider ur advice to bring the issue with someone, most likely a counselor, as I try to minimize the burden of my parents.

bro, u hit on the nail! As she met so much guys and can see through me, so as I can see through her, we know the other party is "the one", if u understand what I mean

Personally, I find counselors or third party cant really solve your problem. You had a problem from day one b4 you got married but due to soft heart, you led yourself be "bullied" into signing the marriage contract, perhaps believing that it would change things.

You may make a decision based on current information and I can see that you are prepared to burn the bridges to be with the one you think you love or who loves you. One school of thought is that we only got 1 life, so live it to be happy yeah? Since you are tormented this is the best option in your mind. Unfortunately, most would agree that love is rarely forever and things does change. If she turns out to be a turd, can you say that you have no regrets? Only you can answer that honestly because we are not sure what you have to give up to take this chance on someone. I dont take into consideration what she has done in the past. History does sometimes repeat itself but I believe we are all sinners and deserve a chance at redemption.

[patric12]

very well said.

Originally Posted by zan888

Personally, I find counselors or third party cant really solve your problem. You had a problem from day one b4 you got married but due to soft heart, you led yourself be "bullied" into signing the marriage contract, perhaps believing that it would change things.

You may make a decision based on current information and I can see that you are prepared to burn the bridges to be with the one you think you love or who loves you. One school of thought is that we only got 1 life, so live it to be happy yeah? Since you are tormented this is the best option in your mind. Unfortunately, most would agree that love is rarely forever and things does change. If she turns out to be a turd, can you say that you have no regrets? Only you can answer that honestly because we are not sure what you have to give up to take this chance on someone. I dont take into consideration what she has done in the past. History does sometimes repeat itself but I believe we are all sinners and deserve a chance at redemption.

[prettymannequin]

Originally Posted by korean

Hi sis,

To summarize, she would like to be with me. However due to she couldn't come to sg, I couldn't freely go oversee, I can hardly divorce, ... She thought of this alternative to own a mini version of me. Actually my wife also asked for permission to bear my baby eventhough she don't want initially as afraid if I leave this world earlier than her or anything happen to me, there is still a mini version of me accompanying her. So I take it as similar mindset.

Anyway the matter of baby is not my present concern.

Yea, I know. And I'm trying to tell you that a baby is not a mini version of you. I'm trying to tell you that both women see a child as a source of $$$.

Not sure if they're emotional or you're the emotional one. But I agree with other bros that you're quite blinded.

Don't be defensive. Think it through calmly. All the best.

[korean]

Originally Posted by patric12

If divorces, what will be your compensation to your wife.
does your wife know you have stopped loving her?
what ending you want?

I'd told my wife if divorce the house will be hers, and I will fulfil whatever compensation she asked as long as I can manage. I'd prepared to go bankrupt, seriously, to get back my freedom, as anything couldn't buy back my happiness, even to be alone. My gf actually offered to support me financial for the compensation within her mean. The problem is my wife don't want to divorce n threaten me with suicide.

Yes my wife long ago knew I don't love her. But I guess she acked blur or try to be positive minded so whenever there is a big fight I took the opp to remind her again.

The ending I want, divorce as long as no life damage.

[korean]

Originally Posted by prettymannequin

Yea, I know. And I'm trying to tell you that a baby is not a mini version of you. I'm trying to tell you that both women see a child as a source of $$$.

Not sure if they're emotional or you're the emotional one. But I agree with other bros that you're quite blinded.

Don't be defensive. Think it through calmly. All the best.

See my above replied. They r not looking for money source, in fact both of them are richer than me.

I can only say at least my wife is emotional.

[korean]

I think u follow my case quite well. Thx for spending the efforts.

Originally Posted by zan888

Personally, I find counselors or third party cant really solve your problem. You had a problem from day one b4 you got married but due to soft heart, you led yourself be "bullied" into signing the marriage contract, perhaps believing that it would change things.

You may make a decision based on current information and I can see that you are prepared to burn the bridges to be with the one you think you love or who loves you. One school of thought is that we only got 1 life, so live it to be happy yeah? Since you are tormented this is the best option in your mind. Unfortunately, most would agree that love is rarely forever and things does change. If she turns out to be a turd, can you say that you have no regrets? Only you can answer that honestly because we are not sure what you have to give up to take this chance on someone. I dont take into consideration what she has done in the past. History does sometimes repeat itself but I believe we are all sinners and deserve a chance at redemption.

[patric12]

now it is kinda long-distance relationship with your gal in China. plus you are not be able to travel and she is not able to come to Singapore. how to sustain such relationship.

[korean]

Originally Posted by patric12

now it is kinda long-distance relationship with your gal in China. plus you are not be able to travel and she is not able to come to Singapore. how to sustain such relationship.

For short to mid term, I gotta depend on my business trip or change job. She gotta go jb to meet up. Meet up won't be often, We know after the relationship started. The rest, 顺其自然，至少曾经拥有。if it is yours, no matter how u hack care, it will be yours. If it is mean not to be yours, no matter how hard you grab, you will lose it eventually.

[patric12]

so you just say say you love her. you never have a plan to work things out to marry her this kinda of thing, right...
I thought you have had a good plan already. If your wife does not agree to divorce and you forever postpone marrying your prc gal. I do not she will wait. she is not stupid.

[korean]

Originally Posted by patric12

so you just say say you love her. you never have a plan to work things out to marry her this kinda of thing, right...
I thought you have had a good plan already. If your wife does not agree to divorce and you forever postpone marrying your prc gal. I do not she will wait. she is not stupid.

The priority should be settling the issue between me n my wife. I'm doing the deep dive as well as seeking advices. That's why I post here.

And, if u truly love a person, owning the one you love may not be the best thing, especially in special situation. My definition of love should not be selfish.

[korean]

Originally Posted by a2014

Really coincident in their thinking. Do take care. Due to they are afraid to loose you, they thought that this is the only way out. Be it good or bad, you just be careful and think carefully before you act.

The only difference you are facing now is that one you don't love at all at this moment and the other you are madly in love at this moment. I am not saying it's wrong but just happened to ring a bell when you mention about it.

Do take care bro.

Noted. Thx bro

[zan888]

Originally Posted by korean

See my above replied. They r not looking for money source, in fact both of them are richer than me.

I can only say at least my wife is emotional.

Which woman is not emotional?

Maybe a possible solution is to find a job which require you to travel to China often and find a charming guy who will be your wife's bf so she will take her attention off you. I suspect your wife is just scared of losing..not losing you but the status if being attached. Since you have showed her little affection, her feelings for you are more based on fear than love. I believe she is able to start her life afresh with someone else since you both are young.

I dont think you have to give up everything to be with your gf. You are just at wits end because you dont understand your wife and the source of her feelings. Once you address that you are home free! Good luck and keep us updated.

[korean]

Originally Posted by zan888

Which woman is not emotional?

Maybe a possible solution is to find a job which require you to travel to China often and find a charming guy who will be your wife's bf so she will take her attention off you. I suspect your wife is just scared of losing..not losing you but the status if being attached. Since you have showed her little affection, her feelings for you are more based on fear than love. I believe she is able to start her life afresh with someone else since you both are young.

I dont think you have to give up everything to be with your gf. You are just at wits end because you dont understand your wife and the source of her feelings. Once you address that you are home free! Good luck and keep us updated.

Last time she didn't allow me to get a job required me to travel regularly esp to china. But I think due to recently I show her so much attitude n emotional, she kind of scare of me n loosen some of the control. I'm very surprise that she even don't stop me from finding job required travel to china...But she said will take leave n follow me.