The one you marry, is not the one you loved most?

[curiosityz]

Originally Posted by Deztruct

we think too much, too often..sometimes by thinkin too much..we end up losing our chance

totally agree with you bro.

[jinrenhe]

Originally Posted by GLHunter

they are just hi bye frd to me & their terrible deeds make them worse than strangers. I believed many bros in this thread learned thru the hard way that it doesn't pay to be a faithful/ loyal person if the other end doesn't appreciate it. So when a relationship dun work out, just let go & move on, we dun need painful memories to chew on when we are old. the ultimate happiness will be to find someone who cherish/ care for you.
those ppl that we tot we loved the most is probably the ones that left us with the most happy memories. well, its over now & we can always create better memories with the current one.

well said bro... could tell from ur words that u must had went thru some emotional upheavals to feel this way today

share ur sentiments that our ultimate happiness lies in finding someone that love & care for u back. Love requires effort & sacrifices from two people who cherish each other; so it rely hurts when u realized the person u love does not love as much...

today, i no longer believe in sacrificing & waiting by the side, hoping that the person would one day realized how much u've done & then fall in love with u.. the reality, more often than not, her heart is with someone she can't get whilst she saddle u with her woes & agony..

I just wish more people (esp. all the basically nice, simple guys who were like me last time haha) would be enlightened

[dirtymonk82]

Originally Posted by jinrenhe

well said bro... could tell from ur words that u must had went thru some emotional upheavals to feel this way today

share ur sentiments that our ultimate happiness lies in finding someone that love & care for u back. Love requires effort & sacrifices from two people who cherish each other; so it rely hurts when u realized the person u love does not love as much...

today, i no longer believe in sacrificing & waiting by the side, hoping that the person would one day realized how much u've done & then fall in love with u.. the reality, more often than not, her heart is with someone she can't get whilst she saddle u with her woes & agony..

I just wish more people (esp. all the basically nice, simple guys who were like me last time haha) would be enlightened

Well said bro. I have been thru quite a few relationship this year and 1 thing which I discover is that the one whom i love would choose to leave me and those whom love me i choose to hurt them, play them and leave them. Been thru 2 heartaches this year and sometime life really seem so meaningless.

[5ag1_Boar]

Originally Posted by titan524

Hi Bro Sagiboar,

Can't help but relate to your story, because i am about to make a decision that could end up like yours.

I am closing in on mid 30's, have a successful career and after married for 9 years, now with 2 young kids, I can't help but feel i can't go on with my wife. She's a great wife, and mother to our 2 kids but i cant see how we can be together in 10-20 years time.

The problem is me, last year i almost had an affair but stopped short just before it crossed the line. This year i got involved with a younger ger (23 years old) from Beijing whom i am contemplating spending the rest of my life with.

I did tried maintaining this marriage, and like one bro says learn to love the woman you married - but wonder if it's possible to 'sacrifice my personal happiness' and be unhappy for the next 10-20 years until EOL or be selfish and go for the one i really feel for?

Contemplating moving on but as usual worried about the fallout if i proceed with the divorce, the cost (50% i read somewhere), the alimony, the effects on the two kids. I still want a part in my 2 boys life. Am i asking for too much?

This is probably a decision that can make or break the rest of my life. Are you still on ok terms with your ex and get access to your kids?

My ex-wife believes that my son should have a good relationship with his dad (i.e. me), so I get better access to my son then most divorcees. We also communicate regularly with each other regarding his upbringing, discipline, etc. Ironically, it's my current gf that is unhappy that I am so involved in my son's life.

OTOH, I've heard of my friend's friend's case. His ex-wife tells their children to call him 'uncle'. I don't know the other details, but from that I think we can guess how bad it can get for him.

I cheated on my wife. He simply worked too hard to provide for the family. My ex-wife has a much better reason to be cut me off completely then his did. You can see it all depends on your relationship with the ex and her character and view on life and parenthood, etc.

How assets are split, alimony, child maintenance, depends a lot on your ex too. The saying 'Hell hath no fury like a women scorned' is NOT without basis. If she feels very betrayed, and very hurt, good luck to you. If she also feels the marriage is gone and she also wants out, then it may be easier.

An ugly divorce and fighting parents can weigh heavily on the children. That's why in my case, ex-wife and me tried to keep things calm and simple. Even then, there were lots of tears and shouting at times. Even now, while we try to remain friends, and I believe we would for the long run, there are occasions where we still exchange strong words.

Having done what I did, I would ask you, what is 'personal happiness'? Why are you unhappy with your marriage or your wife? Do you think things can be changed so that you can be happy again?

Ask yourself, what will the impact be on your children? The answer to this made me hold on to my marriage for far longer than I would have if I did not have my son. Not only that, it gave me some resovle to try to fix the marriage for his sake.

Also, if you really want to give your marriage a try again, you have to stop seeing your gf. I went thru one year trying to fix things with my wife, while still seeing my gf. I think it was a huge mistake. The feelings for my gf simply kept tempting me away or make me dislike my ex-wife more.

Alos, whats to say that your relationship and maybe eventually your marriage to your new gf will last? What if it goes sour again? Or too platonic? Or boring? The feeling of passion, or so called 'romantic' love last at most 2 years according to clinical experts in this field. In my opinion, it's mostly true. In some cases, it can last forever (like my first-gf), but near the 2 year point is where you stop letting this feeling overcome your differences. And when that happens, no matter how much you 'love' each other, if the differences are too great, that love cannot keep you together.

Who will be the one that you KNOW who will go through thick and thin with you? The one who will not only stand by your side to weather all kinds of external troubles (e.g. job stress, lost of loved ones, lost of jobs, wayward children, etc) but also stand by your side in times of marital trouble and say, "let's work on this together."

Consider the marriage programs that I listed in one of my replies in this thread. If you feel you cannot get through to your wife now, get her to go to one of them. During the intial weekend of the program, there are many opportunities for both parties to explore the marriage and communicate in a way you never have before. I dare say, in the case of Retrouvaille, it's could be a make or break weekend.

[natsuki]

Don't need think too much lah...

Live with what u have and treasure it.
Learn to accept the fate, not satisfy with what 'fate' gave u?
Change it, if u have the capability of doing so...

[GLHunter]

Originally Posted by dirtymonk82

Well said bro. I have been thru quite a few relationship this year and 1 thing which I discover is that the one whom i love would choose to leave me and those whom love me i choose to hurt them, play them and leave them. Been thru 2 heartaches this year and sometime life really seem so meaningless.

Bro, why hurt ppl when u have been hurt before?
live & let live..

[OceanEleven]

Originally Posted by titan524

Hi Bro Sagiboar,

I am closing in on mid 30's, have a successful career and after married for 9 years, now with 2 young kids, I can't help but feel i can't go on with my wife. She's a great wife, and mother to our 2 kids but i cant see how we can be together in 10-20 years time.

The problem is me, last year i almost had an affair but stopped short just before it crossed the line. This year i got involved with a younger ger (23 years old) from Beijing whom i am contemplating spending the rest of my life with.

This is probably a decision that can make or break the rest of my life. Are you still on ok terms with your ex and get access to your kids?

Bro, I have no qualms about couples doing divorce but then to divorce due to a change of heart is a little bit difficult to swallow. Afterall she did give you her glorious years and 2 wonderful kids. If a woman can swallow her pride and dignity for the family and kids, I see no reason why a man cannot. Think about it, you commit yourself to her while she sacrificing many other matters to be with your, toll and toil with you all these years then you wanna call it quits, moreover you wanna have a share of the kids as well. What makes you think that you are doing the right thing?

You yourself agree that she’s a great wife but just simply cant see how you can be together for the rest of your life, so what’s this glorious rationale that can dislodge a sacred marriage? Does it make sense in the first place? Why be with her in the first place? Things will not change for you if you don’t change, even if you get your chance to be with the Beijing girl. What make you think that you will have a happy ending with her? Cast away the fact that she’s a foreigner and 10 years plus your junior, with you being so fickle minded and so lustful, I don’t you will last with her. Remember, just a year before the Beijing girl, you almost got involved with another girl.

Walk away perhaps is a better option, walk away from all the temptations and never let yourself succumb to the lust and desire surrounding you. Never be enticed by what you can see now but think of the future. Love is not for now nor tomorrow but for the many many years to come as long as you continue to draw air into your lungs.

[Malaysian Datuk]

Originally Posted by Deztruct

we think too much, too often..sometimes by thinkin too much..we end up losing our chance

But if we dun think....more often we end up losing much more than just a chance....
Just 'discovered' this thread.....will read all the posts before posting again

[primalhunter]

I totally agree with you bro Ocean. I said the same thing to my cousin who divorced his wife recently. This after bringing her and their child around the world for the most of their 7 yr marriage and finally ending up in the US. My cousin, he is a dreamer. Now he dreams of Europe, and his wife, sorry, ex, is not in his plan. Gave up the rights to their daughter and is now with an American girl 8 yrs his junior.

I asked him where is his sense of responsibility, to which he answered, Life's too short. You have got to do what makes u happy.

I guess we humans(man and woman) are most capable of being selfish. You can continue to criticize but there will always be ppl who think of their self first.

life is short u got to do what keeps u happy

usually people who says such word are just trying to hide their irresponsibility towards the feelings of others

whenever i meet such girls i will tend to avoid them or go in for the fuck only

[john99]

Easier to move about and change partners whne you are young , dashing and able. However things will come home to roost eventually as you will eventually run out of money or time.

The irony is that I know of "absentee fathers" who are not even invited to their own children's wedding; that is the ultimate insult to you as a parent : a complete failure. When you are old and grey , you will rue over yr mistakes particularly with children, if you are not there for them when they need you, I don;t see why they should be there for you!

That's why retirement villages will be big business in Singapore soon...

[Shuang_Jie_Gun]

interesting thread for all bros here to pour out their life experiences and point of views.

[JWNY]

Originally Posted by jonah11

Just like to enquire bros here. Whenever you are with your gf, do you have this sort of feeling that other gals beside you or female people are much better than your gf? It can looks, character etc.

For me personally, i try not to compare as there is no end to comparison. There will always be 2 sides to a coin...there will always be 2 outcomes. Sometimes, we get the "worse off" side of the coin because of our decisions. I always think there would be no one better than my gf, because if i thought otherwise...i would be conceding an avenue for her to make mistakes, even before she is my wife

JWNY

[GLHunter]

That's why retirement villages will be big business in Singapore soon...[/QUOTE]

another alternative to get rich other than doing charities business,
earning more peanuts. uniquely singapore.

[Deztruct]

Originally Posted by GLHunter

Bro, why hurt ppl when u have been hurt before?
live & let live..

bro..u r rite..2 wrong doesnt make a rite..in life..its fated tat u hurt some and fated u get hurt some...once we understand this, mayb our life will be beta