Those with Fuck Buddies, Little 3s 小三, Friends with benefits fall in....

[MoeLanYong]

Originally Posted by VOGS

Ur views on this aspect pls.

VOGS,
Before I reply, are there kids involved. How many and how old?

[VOGS]

Originally Posted by MoeLanYong

VOGS,
Before I reply, are there kids involved. How many and how old?

0 kids bro..honestly, i dk what are my life objectives as of now..i have zero commitment.

[MoeLanYong]

Originally Posted by VOGS

0 kids bro..honestly, i dk what are my life objectives as of now..i have zero commitment.

Er.....then why are you holding on to your marriage?? I am not telling you to leave or stay with your wife. I am telling you it will be painful to straddle 2 women. Be firm, choose 1.

[MoeLanYong]

Originally Posted by dcfv

I am married.

My first real FB was all sex. I was much older, and yes I wanted her obsessively. Still i think it is just a sex thing, so I could let her go emotionally (i was found out). She was a beauty, a student, and though she is still young -- she has made her $$ through her business acumen (I suppose) having been featured in the news and looks like she living a life of ease and luxury.

I was old before, but now I like a senior citizen, and as stupid as ever, got involved with a girl even much younger than the first. She is ang mo and attracts so much attention wherever she goes with her height and looks. Different culture and her world revolves around her phone (such a generation gap) -- Instagram etc is definitely a challenge.

I read the posts, it resonates with me. Now my emotions is so involved, I cannot extricate myself. Sex is not just sex. It bonds.

The rational thing is to get out but I cannot. We kinda threaten each other on breaking up because this will lead us to nowhere.

It is such a brain fuck. what is wrong with me ? I do not know what is real...

sorry I am just ranting away.

dcfv,

My sentiments exactly. Sex bonds.

Rant on. I suppose this is what this thread is for.

We men always brain fcuk ourselves. Because we have this thing called the Dick which dictates our actions. Whats new?

I stand by what I wrote - I see many good people making bad choices.

You already know what you need to do.

Its a matter of choosing when to snap out of your Matrix world.

"After this, there is no turning back. You take the blue pill—the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill—you stay in Wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes. Remember: all I'm offering is the truth."

[pipeloner]

Originally Posted by loneyheart

wow FB for 7 mths still in honey moon period .... u lucky guy n best wishes to u

Well.. luck has turned. Honey moon period over. Just landed on earth from cloud9.

Just ranting, very emotional ranting.

[HelloAngel]

Originally Posted by VOGS

0 kids bro..honestly, i dk what are my life objectives as of now..i have zero commitment.

Being kpo here... since no kids, why don't you ask yourself if you still love your wife enough to stay married? Otherwise don't waste her youth n time by keeping her by your side. It's selfish and both unhappy. In life we must be happy cos we only live once.

[Shadow_warrior]

Originally Posted by pipeloner

Well.. luck has turned. Honey moon period over. Just landed on earth from cloud9.

Just ranting, very emotional ranting.

bro you are not alone...

[Gentle Beast]

Originally Posted by VOGS

And yes, i have always thought she confirm outside meet other guys since she is so hyperactive in her social media world and is always seeking attention by her selfies and all, as such i went for fl so that i will feel btr in reliving myself..but actually, i did not feel relieved..and am hurting myself even more..

To end all the 'mental torture' as you had described in your threads, I suggest you go "all in" and free yourself to be with this lady. If by doing so, both of you continue to live happily ever after, well and good. It is impossible to speculate whether she is in love with you, genuinely enjoy having sex with you or just want you for your money, if you keep yourself sidelined from the relationship. Go for it, if not you will continue to wonder over these questions for the next 10 or 20 years and worse still, might regret not taking any firm action (to commit).

If it doesn't work out, at least you know you tried. Just walk away and start afresh.

[Siriusam]

I was married, had been with my wife for 15 years. Then I left her 2 months short of our 10 year wedding anniversary.

We were parents to two beautiful children, who are in their late teens now, but were only seven and nine years old when I walked out.

I travelled for work, stayed in a different hotel at least three nights a week. That’s how I met Eve*.

We got to know each other over time. We became Facebook friends. We sent messages to each other all day and night. She was also married, also had two kids. We had so much in common, we soon fell in love. I felt like she 'got' me.

This was all during a very trying time in my marriage. I wasn’t happy, I didn’t look forward to going home. My wife had put on weight, we hardly ever spoke, she always looked so miserable.

Little did I realise that I was the reason she was so down and depressed. I didn’t pay her any attention. I took her for granted. I was too busy wishing my life was more exciting, being romanced online, spending all of my free time thinking how I could get out.

I believed she didn’t love me. I convinced myself she never cared about me or my needs and wants and wishes, that all I was was a paycheck.

She spent her free time taking care of us -- our kids, making our suppers, doing out washing, making lunches, doing homework, projects, shuttling kids to sport, taking care of the pets they loved so much, their friends, and had a job of her own on top of it all.

Every time she spoke to me, all I heard was nagging and whining. But she was actually begging for my attention: a weekend away, a date night, a movie -- everything I ended up doing with Eve behind her back and after I left my family.

We argued and fought because we felt unheard by the other. And yet that was all we actually had to do – LISTEN – to each other!

I moved out of home to be with Eve. My now ex-wife got custody of our kids. I saw them every second weekend, the usual 'Dad' set up.

New beginnings

Life was sweet!

Eve and I had an amazing sex life. A connection I believed I never had with my ex. We had a large circle of friends. My family loved her. My kids liked her.

But my ex could never bring herself to meet Eve – she felt betrayed. I hated her even more! She was childish. She was mean. She never cared about me or my happiness. I didn’t care about my ex’s feelings when I posted photos of us on Facebook… I had Eve and a whole new life and it was fantastic!

We were together for about six or seven years but never married – we believed marriage was not our thing.

I believed that after 15 years with my ex, we’d given it all we could and our time together was up, there was nothing we could do to salvage our relationship or marriage. Eve was my future, Eve was who I should have been with all along.

Eventually, no matter how well we got along in the beginning; no matter how well I thought she “got” me; no matter how good the sex was; the “honeymoon” came to an end.

Eve and I started snapping at each other. Little fights here and there. I had a moment of pure realisation one night, at about 2am.

I realised that I missed the woman who created my first home and family. I realised that if I'd treated my ex-wife the way I’d treated Eve, used the hours I spend woo-ing Eve on my ex, she’d have bloomed.

If I’d stopped being negative about her and our relationship to my family and friends they wouldn’t have been so negative to her and she wouldn’t have pulled into herself and shied away.

She became someone I convinced myself I no longer knew or got along with because I never gave her the time and affection and attention she craved and deserved.

I thought I had, but when I got down and really thought about it I never really did. I never really let her in. I had ended my marriage years before with the simple decision that she was no longer who or what I wanted. And I’d convinced my family and friends the same – that she was no good for me!

Regret sets in

But I was wrong. I missed the best years of my kids lives. Missed being a family with them. I let their mother battle with raising them alone. Yes I helped financially, but a man living outside his family has no real idea what the costs are on the single mother. While Eve and I ate steaks on the weekends, my ex-wife was living on egg and toast.

And do you know that she never complained? She never demanded more money out of me. She never stopped me from seeing the kids. Never said no if I changed plans on her at the last minute. She gave up her weekends so that my mother could spend time with her grandchildren. She left me to get on with my life with Eve, even though it must have killed her.

Like any relationship, it had started out good – great in fact – but when it go bad I decided to leave… I walked out and divorced a woman who – and I can only see this now – would have done anything for me. But I’d told myself she wouldn’t or couldn’t.

My ex-wife stayed single for 8 years. She dated but never got involved. Her being single was also a kind of affirmation for me – that no one wanted her – that everything I’d decided she lacked, so did other men… She actually stayed single to focus on our children.

Too late

And then came the day she met Craig. I never thought it would bug me in any way if she got a boyfriend. I thought it would be great! But I was very wrong. I felt hurt. I felt jealous. I even felt angry and maybe betrayed.

She moved in with Craig, along with my kids. She set up a new home. A new family, with my kids… it was a very bitter pill to swallow.

I finally understood how she’d felt all these years. And it felt rotten.

I watched via Facebook and through conversations with our old mutual friends how Craig spoiled her and the kids. Their weekends were spent on the beach – he surfed with my son. They went hiking in the Burg. They went to Mauritius where he proposed on a kayak and she said yes -- they got married.

My daughter was a bridesmaid. My son was a groomsman. Craig’s parents and brother welcomed my ex-wife and children into their family. They told everyone how blessed they were to be gaining them as family.

She glowed with happiness. She radiated love and none of it was for me! My heart felt like it had been ripped out.

It should have been me.

Don’t be me. You think you will never be happy when you are in a rut. It is when you are there at your darkest that you need to grip down and try your hardest.

Today I live alone and still only see my kids occasionally. They are big now and harbour anger towards me for leaving them and their mother. Who can blame them?

Of all the things Eve was, she was never the mother of my children – my original true love."

"HOPE this helps a few marriages, Love and appreciate a Good woman".

#Allos_of_Mr_Lakusu

[Siriusam]

I would like to point you guys to an old thread that I bookmarked years ago. Hope you find some enlightenment from the read.

https://sbf.directory/showthread.php?t=185502

Change yourself, change the world.

[Nic1234]

FB or SB, I think once it gets too long, emotions start to set in. It is time to move on once that happens.

[MoeLanYong]

Siriusam,

Wow!! Just wow. Your story is so poignant. So beautiful, yet so sad. Left me gobsmacked. It is too good to be stuck in the middle of this thread. Can you do the bros here a favour and start a new thread with it? I am sure many will benefit from your wisdom.

"Change yourself, change the world" - so true.

I have always believed that IF a man can change his MIND, he can change his LIFE. One should not always insist on the way he views things / views his wife / views his marriage. But unfortunately, most men are stubborn.

[Valiant20]

Repeated story forwarded on facebook....

Anyway can't paint all situations with the same paintbrush... each situation is different and sometimes us guys give way too much and get taken advantage of by feminist wives. So good luck with the guy controlling/leading the relationship philosophy that you've got going on...

[dcfv]

Originally Posted by Siriusam

I was married, had been with my wife for 15 years. Then I left her 2 months short of our 10 year wedding anniversary.

We were parents to two beautiful children, who are in their late teens now, but were only seven and nine years old when I walked out.

I travelled for work, stayed in a different hotel at least three nights a week. That’s how I met Eve*.

We got to know each other over time. We became Facebook friends. We sent messages to each other all day and night. She was also married, also had two kids. We had so much in common, we soon fell in love. I felt like she 'got' me.

This was all during a very trying time in my marriage. I wasn’t happy, I didn’t look forward to going home. My wife had put on weight, we hardly ever spoke, she always looked so miserable.

Little did I realise that I was the reason she was so down and depressed. I didn’t pay her any attention. I took her for granted. I was too busy wishing my life was more exciting, being romanced online, spending all of my free time thinking how I could get out.

I believed she didn’t love me. I convinced myself she never cared about me or my needs and wants and wishes, that all I was was a paycheck.

She spent her free time taking care of us -- our kids, making our suppers, doing out washing, making lunches, doing homework, projects, shuttling kids to sport, taking care of the pets they loved so much, their friends, and had a job of her own on top of it all.

Every time she spoke to me, all I heard was nagging and whining. But she was actually begging for my attention: a weekend away, a date night, a movie -- everything I ended up doing with Eve behind her back and after I left my family.

We argued and fought because we felt unheard by the other. And yet that was all we actually had to do – LISTEN – to each other!

I moved out of home to be with Eve. My now ex-wife got custody of our kids. I saw them every second weekend, the usual 'Dad' set up.

New beginnings

Life was sweet!

Eve and I had an amazing sex life. A connection I believed I never had with my ex. We had a large circle of friends. My family loved her. My kids liked her.

But my ex could never bring herself to meet Eve – she felt betrayed. I hated her even more! She was childish. She was mean. She never cared about me or my happiness. I didn’t care about my ex’s feelings when I posted photos of us on Facebook… I had Eve and a whole new life and it was fantastic!

We were together for about six or seven years but never married – we believed marriage was not our thing.

I believed that after 15 years with my ex, we’d given it all we could and our time together was up, there was nothing we could do to salvage our relationship or marriage. Eve was my future, Eve was who I should have been with all along.

Eventually, no matter how well we got along in the beginning; no matter how well I thought she “got” me; no matter how good the sex was; the “honeymoon” came to an end.

Eve and I started snapping at each other. Little fights here and there. I had a moment of pure realisation one night, at about 2am.

I realised that I missed the woman who created my first home and family. I realised that if I'd treated my ex-wife the way I’d treated Eve, used the hours I spend woo-ing Eve on my ex, she’d have bloomed.

If I’d stopped being negative about her and our relationship to my family and friends they wouldn’t have been so negative to her and she wouldn’t have pulled into herself and shied away.

She became someone I convinced myself I no longer knew or got along with because I never gave her the time and affection and attention she craved and deserved.

I thought I had, but when I got down and really thought about it I never really did. I never really let her in. I had ended my marriage years before with the simple decision that she was no longer who or what I wanted. And I’d convinced my family and friends the same – that she was no good for me!

Regret sets in

But I was wrong. I missed the best years of my kids lives. Missed being a family with them. I let their mother battle with raising them alone. Yes I helped financially, but a man living outside his family has no real idea what the costs are on the single mother. While Eve and I ate steaks on the weekends, my ex-wife was living on egg and toast.

And do you know that she never complained? She never demanded more money out of me. She never stopped me from seeing the kids. Never said no if I changed plans on her at the last minute. She gave up her weekends so that my mother could spend time with her grandchildren. She left me to get on with my life with Eve, even though it must have killed her.

Like any relationship, it had started out good – great in fact – but when it go bad I decided to leave… I walked out and divorced a woman who – and I can only see this now – would have done anything for me. But I’d told myself she wouldn’t or couldn’t.

My ex-wife stayed single for 8 years. She dated but never got involved. Her being single was also a kind of affirmation for me – that no one wanted her – that everything I’d decided she lacked, so did other men… She actually stayed single to focus on our children.

Too late

And then came the day she met Craig. I never thought it would bug me in any way if she got a boyfriend. I thought it would be great! But I was very wrong. I felt hurt. I felt jealous. I even felt angry and maybe betrayed.

She moved in with Craig, along with my kids. She set up a new home. A new family, with my kids… it was a very bitter pill to swallow.

I finally understood how she’d felt all these years. And it felt rotten.

I watched via Facebook and through conversations with our old mutual friends how Craig spoiled her and the kids. Their weekends were spent on the beach – he surfed with my son. They went hiking in the Burg. They went to Mauritius where he proposed on a kayak and she said yes -- they got married.

My daughter was a bridesmaid. My son was a groomsman. Craig’s parents and brother welcomed my ex-wife and children into their family. They told everyone how blessed they were to be gaining them as family.

She glowed with happiness. She radiated love and none of it was for me! My heart felt like it had been ripped out.

It should have been me.

Don’t be me. You think you will never be happy when you are in a rut. It is when you are there at your darkest that you need to grip down and try your hardest.

Today I live alone and still only see my kids occasionally. They are big now and harbour anger towards me for leaving them and their mother. Who can blame them?

Of all the things Eve was, she was never the mother of my children – my original true love."

"HOPE this helps a few marriages, Love and appreciate a Good woman".
#Allos_of_Mr_Lakusu

Is this you? What happen to Eve?

[dcfv]

Originally Posted by MoeLanYong

Siriusam,

Wow!! Just wow. Your story is so poignant. So beautiful, yet so sad. Left me gobsmacked. It is too good to be stuck in the middle of this thread. Can you do the bros here a favour and start a new thread with it? I am sure many will benefit from your wisdom.

"Change yourself, change the world" - so true.

I have always believed that IF a man can change his MIND, he can change his LIFE. One should not always insist on the way he views things / views his wife / views his marriage. But unfortunately, most men are stubborn.


Siriusam,
Can I share a story back? Your kids. You wrote....



This is me.

If it is any comfort, I can assure you that your kids will learn from your mistake and become better people. I know, its not glam. I just finished nagging at my number 2 to change out of her uniform and finished coaching number 3 on his 默写. But it is joy unspeakable to have a complete family. Take care bro. Don't beat yourself too hard. Be happy.

MoeLanYong,

While you are well meaning, like a brother commented, you appear self righteous, a bit like friends of "Job." You get what I mean ...

You lack empathy because you do not have a real story to tell where we can relate to.