Until Now I Still Can’t Forget Her………

[RoverX]

Continuing…….

Jenny: Ouch…pain leh…..slow a bit can or not.....she was agitated.

I couldn’t bother, I continue to pumped furiously. Jenny was getting angry now and try to get off me, but I held her down and continue to slam into her…

Jenny: Stop….stop…you are hurting me…get off me……she shouted.
Me: ……….. I was silent
Jenny: You idiot….pain la…get off me now….. she screamed

I had only one single purpose in mind…that is to cum at her expense…I was taking it out on her. I saw her tearing as she continue to struggle. I didn’t relent. She finally gave up struggling. It didn’t take long, I finally release my load into her without protection at all.

When I was done, she pushed me off her, turned away from me, curled up, crying softly.

Suddenly guilt overwhelmed me…what was I doing …this is not right……..I just raped her…I felt totally disgusted and remorseful. I moved over to hug her, but she pushed me away..

Jenny: Go away….she screamed
Me: I’m sorry….I’m very sorry..
Jenny:………….she was crying
Me; Jenny: I’m sorry….sorry…. I hurt you just now
Jenny: Sorry….do you know what you just did…..she cried as she speaks
Me: I know…I’m wrong….I shouldn’t have…
Jenny: What is wrong with you today………she sniffed
Me:……………I gather my thoughts
Jenny: Why are you like that……
Me: I was angry…….
Jenny: Angry……..angry can take out on me isit….I’m not a piece of meat you know.
Me: I….angry…..because of you made me upset.
Jenny: Why me…tell me…give me a good explanation……….as she turned around to face me with tears in her eyes
Me: Why are you still in touch with Ah Wai….I questioned suddenly

She was momentarily stunned to silence. Regaining her composure…

Jenny: Who told you that………my mother right…that kaypoh chee.
Me: It’s not important who told me……. but why are you seeing him behind my backJenny: He is just a friend….I know you will be jealous, that is why I did’nt tell you…there is really nothing between us.

We finally dressed up. Jenny was now calmer. She was trying to defend herself.

Me: You should have told me…. you know I don’t like you meeting him, but you went anyway…you lied to me
Jenny: He is just a friend….that’s all. He was invited by my brother in law…I didn’t invite him.
Me: If you want to continue with him…then go…I won’t stop you…go
Jenny: I told you there is nothing between us…really nothing….why you don’t believe me….
Me: Believe you……how to………I worked my butts off supporting you…..you had a good time with him…then tell me it’s nothing……you think I am an idiot isit.

Jenny was fighting back tears as she sat on the bed watching me change out of the casual wear to my office attire that I came with. When I was done, I slammed the door and left the flat…

My journey home was very unpleasant. I couldn’t sleep that night. I lie on my bed thinking…..I was angry and hurt…I felt betrayed. On the other hand, I still love Jenny….but I was vengeful…..Maybe we should cool off for a little while and see how things turn out….but can I bear the prospect of losing her?

[RoverX]

Continuing….

Way past midnight, nearer to morning, suddenly the telephone in my house rang…..” Ringggggg….Ringggggg”……. I rushed to picked it up….

Me: Hello?
Jenny………sobbing at the background
Me: Jenny….is that you?
Jenny: I’m sorry James…..I’m really sorry………she cried loudly

I always have a soft spot when Jenny cries in front of me. At that moment, my heart just went soft….

Jenny: Will you forgive me…. I promise not to lie to you again…
Me: Ok…but don’t ever lie to me again
Jenny: I promise…..I also promise not to see him again….please don’t get angry with me anymore ok…please…….she pleaded submissively
Me: Ok….it’s getting late…go get some rest.
Jenny: Are you still angry…..
Me: No…it’s just too late…I don’t want to disturb my family..
Jenny: Ok sorry….but one more thing…
Me: Yes….
Jenny: You need to bring me to see doctor tomorrow morning
Me: Why…what happened to you
Jenny: I need a morning after shot….you cum inside me….not safe
Me: Oh…ok…...I am sorry...
Jenny: I am sorry too……don’t get angry….goodnight….please think of me dear.
Me: Goodnight…dear

We made up. For a while things turned rosy, as she stayed with her part of her bargain..

Not long after, I remembered that it was on my birthday. We had a romantic dinner at one of the coffeehouse. Subsequently, we booked a hotel room and had a steamy and passionate love making session. As we were lying on the bed caressing and talking sweet nothings, I decided to pop the all important question……

Me; Jenny…darling we been together for more than 3 yrs liao….let’s get married ok?
Jenny: Eh….get married….you serious ah….
Me: I’m serious….I want to start a family with you…
Jenny: But…..do we enough money to start one…
Me: Don’t worry….with my salary, we can have a simple wedding….rent a flat, have a little place of our own……..then save up and buy our own flat.
Jenny: But will your family approve…
Me: I don’t care anymore….I ‘m moving out anyway…..I will marry you with or without them agreeing….
Jenny: But….even so….I think my father will not agree also….he will give us a lot of problem.
Me: Jenny…..why you suddenly so negative….are you not interested in marrying me
Jenny: No…………. not that……..just that we don’t have any blessings….we are on our own….so lonely.
Me: Yes I know….but when we chose this path, we know it will end up like way right?
Jenny: Yes…but………
Me: Are you regretting already……I thought at the beginning you were very confident
Jenny: Aiyah…..now like that ok right…..very peaceful….marriage later big headache…
Me: Headache or not we have to face it someday….right
Jenny: Let’s discuss this another time..
Me: Jenny, please don’t give up on us now…..we came a long way…
Jenny: Ok……I just want to enjoy tonight…

Without another word, she moved to frenched me hard. We tongue fought for a while. All the caressing has made my little brother hard again. She was wet as well. I started sliding my little friend into her snug vagina. Jenny let out a nice moan. Wrapping her legs around my hips, she held me tight as I released the animal in me.

I pumped into her with hard and long strokes. After twenty minutes, she asked me if she could be on top. I held onto her and rolled us both over, she laughed as I fling her around. Lying there watching her work up and down, aroused me to a new level. Jenny’s womanhood engulfed my swollen and hard little brother as she worked herself up and down rhythmically.

I watched her slaving away on me, as she finally had her orgasm. I held her tightly down as I shot my load into her, jerking and spurting into her womb. She softly lie down on my chest, feeling my penis deep in her. We just stayed there and I caressed her back softly squeezing her buttocks and pulling her close to me, our pubic hairs all tangled together. I loved the feeling of my little brother buried deep in her. I wanted this time to never end.

After sometime I noticed that she was limp and silent. Then I hear her softly snoring. As I caressed her soft skin, I was thinking of our earlier conversation……..

That was the last time we ever discussed about our marriage……….

[RoverX]

Continuing……….

In order to build a future for both of us, I know I have to build up sufficient financial reserves, I became obsessed with making money through working hard and working at every opportunity. As a result, time spent with Jenny became less frequent.

On hind sight, I should have heeded the warning signs, but I just like a lot of other mistakes I made, it was too late when I started taking notice.

Soon, the fire in our relationship started to die down, partly due to my overtime work and partly due to the very predictable lifestyle we had. .Thing started to go downhill. Our relationship started to turn tumultuous.

On weekends when I have to work, I always make it a point to talk to her on the telephone. Soon there were certain weekends that I could not even reach her. I was suspecting that she may be up to something. But she denies, saying that she was playing overnight mahjong at someone’s home.

The pattern was very predictable, it’s usually on those weekends, where I have overtime work. As the weeks progressed, each time she is out of reach, I got more perturbed.

There is this particular weekend that I was working, I tried to call her. Her mother told me that Jenny wasn’t there since Friday morning and Jenny told her that she was going back to her father’s place for the weekend. I panicked, immediately applied for urgent and took a cab down to her mother’s place…..

Her mother was surprised to see me so soon after the call. She assured me that Jenny was not at home. She also told me that she has picked up some calls for Jenny lately. It sounded like Ah Wai. Right there I knew my instinct was correct….

After I bid her goodbye, I decided to stakeout and see who she was with. There was a coffeeshop right next to her block. It was inconspicuous enough and I can have a good view of the flat. It was already 9pm. I ordered coffee and cigarettes and keep my eyes open for any activities there. I was sad, angry and jealous at the same time, a potent combination. I was chain smoking. I swear, I have never smoked so much in my life. I hope I am wrong, but I suspected that she may be with Ah Wai again

It was past midnight and the coffeeshop’s crowd was thinning. It suddenly dawn on me that if she was with Ah Wai, she will most likely end up at her father’s place since she is afraid of being seen with him by her mother. I decided that I may be at the wrong place…

So I took a cab and went to Prince Charles Crescent. The only comfortable spot there was the railing by the drain, some distance away, with a good view of the block. I was tired but I was prepared to stake out surreptitiously until morning to get my answer.

It’s already 2.30pm. With a cigarette in my hand, I stood there patiently looking out for any cab stopping near her block, as I knew there were no more bus services plying at that hour.

Not long after, a cab stopped in front of the block. There she was….my Jenny getting off. She was nicely dressed up. A tall guy came out behind her. They held hands and walked towards the block…

At that moment….I knew the end is near. I felt deceived. My heart just bled. Grief and sorrow filled me up rapidly. I was heart broken. Anger and hate overwhelmed me.

I left without confronting them. As I walked away tears of pain roll down my eyes ….

[RoverX]

Continuing…………

The direct confrontation with Jenny happened the next day at her mother’s place. There were no one else, except for his little step brother. It was more of a shouting match.

Me: Where were you yesterday night?........in a raised voice
Jenny: Why you bother so much?
Me: You were with Ah Wai again right….almost shouting
Jenny: You know already then why ask me?.....she answered in differently
Me: You broke your promise, you lie again….WHY????….now shouting
Jenny: I need friends, cannot always stay at home and wait for you…you understand….now she raised her voice.

At that very moment I lost my cool as I was raging with anger. I didn’t know what I was saying anymore. I used words to hurt her…………

Me: YOU BITCH….YOU KNOW I WAS WORKING HARD, NOT SCREWING AROUND, LIKE YOU……….screaming as my face grew red with rage
Jenny: DON’T CALL ME A BITCH….YOU BASTARD….she screamed equally loud.
Me: SO IS THIS THE END FOR US ISIT?........still shouting
Jenny: James…..I thought if you could understand, we could be the same……. like old times….but now you become so possessive……I think we better go our separate ways………….she lowered her voice.
Me: 4 years Jenny….now you want to break up….I lowered my voice as well.
Jenny: James…staying with you is very painful you know….there is no future…we are getting nowhere…..our families won’t approve…..you think we can be happy together?
Me: After 4 yrs together….now you tell me this…..I didn’t mind….you didn’t mind before….I sacrificed everything for you………why now?
Jenny: I was wrong and naive…….and with him I’m happier
Me: OK…Jenny, now I want you to make a choice…me or him?
Jenny: Don’t make it difficult for me….CAN OR NOT….volume increased again.
Me: FINE, since you still want to continue with him …GO…I WON’T STOP YOU….…WE ARE FINISHED……..GOODBYE AND DON’T COME LOOKING FOR ME AGAIN….I screamed again

I was all upset. I was certain that if I did not have better self control, I would have hurt her even more that day. I slammed the door as I walked out of the flat. There was the cane chair lying outside the flat. I grabbed it and threw it 4 storeys down. I didn’t turn back. For the 2nd time in 2 days, I was crying and bleeding heavily inside.

Single handedly, I worked hard to build our future, but it now came to nought …..How could she betray me after what I have done……..

The initial days without Jenny was very tough. My free time was spent on vigorous exercise and mahjong games with my colleagues to keep my mind off her. I try to forget her, but the hurt was too deep. Her mother called me a couple of time to console me and hoping that we could reconcile. I was still thinking of her a lot. She was constantly on my mind.

A few weeks later, her mother called me one day and invited me to her place as Jenny was at home. I went, because I missed her so much. I wanted to see her, hoping for some positive outcome….maybe I’ll give her another chance if she took the initiative to reconcile with me. I was made to eat my humble pie and lost my self respect by turning back…...

It was around 7pm when I arrive, I saw Jenny in her usual shorts and tee shirt playing mahjong with those pros. She was surprised to see me and give me an acknowledged smile. Her mother told her she invited me there. I sat beside Jenny and watch her play. When 北风ended, she told the other 3 kakis she is going out and went to her room. Since they we short of 1 kaki, her mother asked me to sit in. I was still a novice, but because I was upset she is going on a date, I could care anymore. I joined in.

Half an hour later, Jenny emerged from her room in a nice short yellow sundress dress and light makeup. Her perfume filled the air. She reminded me of our very first date at Yangzte Cinema. She was surprised to see me playing, but did not say a word, as she walked right out of the door. The 3 other mahjong kakis teased me for not going out with her. That night I lost more than a month of my salary. Before I left, her mother told me that she is still seeing Ah Wai and now also hooked up with a taxi driver, who comes to her house occasionally to play mahjong…..

Right then, I knew there is no point clinging on. It was time to let it go…

[RoverX]

Continuing……..

I was filled with sorrow and grief when I left the place that night. The very thought of her now in someone else’s arms, tore me apart. Jealousy and hate set in. The pain was more excruciating than you could imagine

The days without Jenny were very difficult to live on. With Jenny gone, part of me died along with her. I sank into depression, wallowed in self pity. I took to the bottle to drown my sorrows. I did what I could to keep my mind off her. Exercises were a great help, but my mind will somehow wander back to the wonderful times we had together. At times, I was tempted to go back and just have a peek at her. I was missing her badly and yearned for her so much.

As a result of my emotional state, I lost interest in my work and make several major errors of judgement. My manager could not understand my sudden plunge in performance level. I was reprimanded numerous times. I finally decided leaving was a better alternative than facing the prospect of getting sacked. Without a job, and with an idle mind, the devils of negative emotions thrived. I would visit the places we used to frequent to recapture the good times we used share. At each of place, I would secretly hope to catch her there. But with more disappointment, I sank into deeper depression.

The worse were on our anniversaries or dates of significant importance. On these days, I never fail to shed tears of sorrow. The sole consolation was my timid nature, if not I most probably would be in another world somewhere instead of narrating this story now… ….that was how close I came to. My family members were worried, but they left me alone to grief.

One late evening I came home drunk, slumped on the ground and threw up all over the front door. My father helped cleaned me up. When I saw his face, I noticed he was tearing…..that was the only time, I ever saw my father, a grown man, who has always been quiet, a pillar of strength, shedding tears. He pleaded with me to stop torturing myself and to snap of out it.

At that moment, I realized I have hurt him and done him a great injustice. Guilt suddenly descended on me… It dawn on me that if I don’t help myself out of this doldrums, nobody would. I finally decided that it was pointless to cling on to lost hope. I made a conscious decision to rebuild my life…..

Rebuild I did, bit by bit, I struggled and overcame the emotions buried deep inside me. I finally managed to find some peace and solace…gradually, my life slowly and painfully returned back to normal. As the weeks progress into months, it got easier and easier. I managed to conquer the demons of hate, jealousy and self reprisal. Naturally my family was happy that they finally see a change in me.

Time heals pain…….I can attest to that. Since that fateful day, Jenny and I never got in touch again …

[RoverX]

Continuing…….

Almost 2 years later, I have almost completely gotten over it. My family home in the kampong was acquired by a private developer. We moved into our flat that used to be my love nest. I also had a new job, now a production manager with another American company located in Yishun. I met this lovely girl at work, a secretary and started dating again. Though many things have since changed, but Jenny never left my mind. In order forget Jenny completely, I removed and destroyed all gifts, pictures and memorabilia that she gave me. I did not want them to remind me of the painful past.

Life was treating fairly well and I finally found inner peace within myself. Until one fine evening, around 11pm when I was at home reading the newspaper,…

“Ring….ringggg…ring…..ringggg”…….. the sound of the house telephone broke the silent air. I picked it up….

Me: Hello?

I was greeted with a sobbing voice at the other end……...

Jenny: James?

My heart shipped a beat. Even though it sounded a little different I immediately recognized that familiar voice……

Me: Jenny…. is that you......are you ok?
Jenny: Yes……
Me: How have you been?
Jenny: I……………….

There was no answer…except silent sobbing in the background…..

Me: Jenny……..is there something wrong?
Jenny: James….can I see you?
Me: Now?
Jenny: Yes….. I‘m below your block… using the public phone.
Me: Ok…I’m coming down

I knew something serious must have happened to her, but what could it be. Did she got jilted?......Is she trying to patch up with me again?....I was thinking of all the possibilities.

My mind was in a twirl….it’s been so long. I have finally moved on…..suddenly she called…what does she want from me now…..I was little exited and confused as I left my flat in my tee shirt, shorts and flip flops…..I took my pack of Dunhill cigarettes along to calm my nerves……..a little anxious to meet her again…

[RoverX]

Continuing…….

When I got out of the lift lobby, I was greeted by a totally different Jenny I knew. She was unkempt, wearing a batik patterned dress, looking more like pajamas. She was wearing flip flop. I noticed that her left wrist was bandaged. There were dark rings over her once sparkling eyes, with heavy eye bags around both of them. Her eyes were wet from crying. She was very much thinner than the last time I saw her. When she saw me, she gave me a reluctant smile………

Me: Are you ok?
Jenny: What do you think?
Me: What happened?
Jenny: I don’t want to talk about it….can I have a stick of cigarette?....as she see the pack in my hand
Me: Let’s go somewhere else to talk……….

I did not want to be spotted by my family members with her. We walk to the stone seat 2 blocks away from my home. I lit a cigarette for her and one for myself. She took a couple of deep puffs. I was surprised that she took up smoking as well. Tears start to roll down her eyes ….

Me: Are you ok….what happened to you?
Jenny:………….
Me: Tell me…..I will help you if I can.
Jenny: I don’t think you can…………she sniffed

She lifted up her left hand to show me the bandages. There were signs of dried blood stain on them.

Jenny: I tired to commit suicide…..
Me: What!!!!!!.....I was shocked
Jenny: I’m miserable…I started taking pills too to make me forget my misery.
Me: My God…you are on drugs…..what have become of you…
Jenny: James…I really regret leaving you…I really do….I am sorry
Me: It was your choice….I thought you were happier..
Jenny: Happier…haha…happier….she laughed sarcastically

Her laughter was fake…very fake. After a short silence and a 2nd stick of cigarette later….

Me: Are you still staying at your father’s place.
Jenny: No..
Me: Where are you living now?
Jenny: Holland Road..
Me: Holland Road???
Jenny….Haw lang loot…….(in hokkien means let others screw)

Until today…I still could not figure out if she was joking or she was for real…did she really prostituted herself?

Me: If you don’t want me to know what happen….at least tell me how I can help.
Jenny: I am sorry…I really need money………can you help?
Me: How much do you need?
Jenny: $2K.
Me: Ok…I will go get my wallet and go to an ATM and I will get it for you.
Jenny: Thanks…and……I have one more request……
Me: What is it?
Jenny: Can you stay with me……… just for tonight?

I was not sure if I wanted to, but looking at her in such a fragile state…I think I should at least help her where I can…..

My heart was heavy at the sight of her disheveled state…..I pitied her….sympathized her….I was concerned of her welfare……the feeling is very different from the past….Love no longer exist………..

[RoverX]

Continuing………


I left her there with the cigarettes and went home. Soon with my wallet and a change of clothes, I was back with her. I took her to the nearest POSB ATM, withdrew $2K and handed it over to her. Not once did I ask her why she needed it. By then, it was already 1 am…….

Me: Where do you want to go?
Jenny: Can you don’t ask me anything….just follow me ok?
Me: Alright…

We flagged a cab and she directed the driver to Geylang. Through out the journey, she was very quiet, just clinging close to me. When we reached the destination, I realized that we were at the front of a budget hotel.

Jenny: I know you have many questions, but please don’t ask alright?
Me: Ok.

How did she know this place??……..What is she thinking now??….A repayment for the $2k?..... My mind was working like a computer trying to figure it out….

She did the registration and with the key in hand she lead me to the room. Once inside the room, she switched on the aircon and sat on the bed. I was standing facing her…

Jenny: Are you still working at the same place in Jurong?
Me: No in fact, I got a new job in Yishun now….
Jenny: You look fatter…how have you been?
Me: Ok, I am now a production manager in an American company
Jenny: After leaving me….. better right ?
Me: Don’t say that…just lucky I guess
Jenny: Got new girl friend?
Me: Ya, just met…..from the same company
Jenny: Must be a pretty office girl la….not from production anymore right?
Me: Ok la…..just started only

She was silent after that, but she appears a lot calmer that we first met.

Jenny: I have not slept since last night…I am very tired…let’s get some rest?
Me: Ok…..

As we both lie on the bed next to one another she turned towards me. With a pair of very sad eyes she said……

Jenny: Can you hug me please……just one more time?

Without thinking twice, I move to hugged her. I can confidently say that if I want to have sex with her that night, I don’t think I will be denied. But I do not want to take advantage of her when she is in such a fragile state. Besides, I don’t think it is right.

With the safety of my arms, she soon fell into deep sleep. I was left staring at the glass ceiling wondering what has happened to her ever since we separated……

Very soon fatigue got the better of me, I was in dreamland….

When I woke up, she was gone. I did not know when she left. There were no goodbyes, no thank yous. Even though I was a little disappointed, I believe she may have her reasons.

When I left that place that morning, there was nothing but just pure emptiness in me…..

I did not see nor hear from her ever since that very day. We lost touch……… until that chance meeting on that fateful afternoon at Cold Storage supermarket in Holland Village.

Jenny, it was fate that got us together then separated us. It was fate that gave us another chance, but ultimately, we were not meant to be. Through the years, buildings and landscapes may have altered remarkably, but certain feelings remain frozen in time. Perhaps, you may have moved on, but I am still struggling in the past. At times, I still think about you. You will always have a special place in my heart.

Jenny, I thank you for the sweet memories. Wherever you are, from the bottom of my heart, I sincerely wish you all the best…..

Until now I still can’t forget her……………


The end….

[RoverX]

Epilogue

To all readers and supporters of this thread….

On 16th Dec 2010 I started this thread with a sole purpose of sharing my life story, hoping that by doing so, I’ll be able to let go of a pain that I harboured for many years.

I appreciate all the readers for your kind deeds and words of encouragement through out my journey.

Allow me to reiterate that I am not here canvassing for points, but to share my painful past. One that I find it difficult to forget.

As I write my last installment, I was briefly overcome by emotion. For the last few weeks, putting together my story has been a personal emotional rollercoaster ride.

Although buildings and landscapes have altered remarkably, certain feeling remained unchanged. Along the way, some recollection hits on my raw nerves as certain memorable incidences still hold a special place in my heart.

For obvious reasons, I admit that some of the erotic narration has been exaggerated. However, for the most part, the places and the incidences are as true as you can get from my memory bank.

Though our relationship has been filled bitter and sweet memories, Jenny will always be special to me.

Once again, thank you for your support and may you find your own happiness….

Good bye……..

[dirk_diggler]

Bravo bro! You sharing your real life love story has roused the sentimental spirit in me...its true many of us here would always have their one true love in their heart that they will never forget...but when Fate says its time to let go u got to....anyway I too had a lot of recollections and nostalgia while reading your story...I hope life has been kind to you so far and you are feeling stable at least emotionally now. Take care my fren.

[TamKorSang]

Bro,

When you typed so many posts consecutively all of a sudden, I knew you want to get these off your chest in one fell swoop and move on with your life. That's the right thing to do. Be strong Bro, you have done that and you will move on.

Time heals all wounds, allow it to heal you. I hope that by penning the story of you and Jenny you have peeled at your wound the last time and it will bleed no more henceforth.

I wish you peace, Bro, peace and happiness.

Take care and God bless.

[loster]

TS, this is one of the most heart pain love story I ever read. I can understand your feelings as I have it before as well. I guess we always have a soft spot for that special someone.

[jdi813]

good story bro ... thanks for sharing

never expected it to end this way ... really an unexpected twist

leave u with a quote that i feel would be roughly what u feel ... i got it from SBF many many many years ago ... it was truly a different SBF back then ... cheers

There's this place in me where your finger prints still rest ...
Your kisses still linger and your whispers softly echo ...
It's the place where a part of you will forever be a part of me.

[ManageYou]

Thanks for sharing

[Spud_Boy]

bro, thanks for sharing your stories...

i rarely comment on stories, but urs is really one that i must say moves my heart..

wounds can heal, but the scar remains...

though the main focus is on ur r/s with Jenny & u.. maybe u can add a little more at the ending of yourself..

like now how u are doing etc...