Long Distance Tirak Relationship - Myth or Reality

[free]

Originally Posted by williamangkh

Very interesting thread indeed.

Make me think back of my past in 2001 & 2002.....
But i finally come to term and go back to my wife in Singapore.
My personal view :"
"forbidden fruit is always exciting and fun but reality is practical"
""Have fun outside but never bring it home"
My two cents worth!!!
Cheers!

To be fair to others reading this thread and have no idea who you are nor background, perhaps you could at least give us some idea about how u met your tirak/wife/mia noi/?? and what was she doing before and after 2 met? And what did you do (or not do) to try to make the r/s work? Were u 2 married or planning to marry over there?

What u wrote above serves to help nobody except tell us u had a bad experience. Many ppl have bad experiences with the other sex and it happened everywhere, including right here.

Thanks and appreciate your elaboration here

[williamangkh]

I am not here to brag about my story...just thinking out loud. This is no more a public forum?

Everyman has his right and no one can comment of what is right or wrong.

We are all adults and if we still need to get advise on love relationship then i think we are not ready.

We have our own principals to adhere to and this is what you live for!

You make your own decision and whether it is good or bad, you cannot undone! Take it like a man, live with it and go forward.

Live with your on own life and not worry on what other thinks or comments.


Cheers!

[ah_jo]

edited due to a mistake

[free]

Originally Posted by williamangkh

I am not here to brag about my story...just thinking out loud. This is no more a public forum?
Everyman has his right and no one can comment of what is right or wrong.
We are all adults and if we still need to get advise on love relationship then i think we are not ready.
We have our own principals to adhere to and this is what you live for!
You make your own decision and whether it is good or bad, you cannot undone! Take it like a man, live with it and go forward.
Live with your on own life and not worry on what other thinks or comments.
Cheers!

Hey, u got me wrong. I think it is good to share your story, and it would be great if you would. Cos the process of learning must never stop. One never knows what the future holds and the more varied views we have AND understand, the more prepared we are to face what is to come. Woe to him who thinks nothing can go wrong, but hopeless too is the guy who does not hope that tomorrow will be a brighter day.

[machoman]

Originally Posted by free

Hey, u got me wrong. I think it is good to share your story, and it would be great if you would. Cos the process of learning must never stop. One never knows what the future holds and the more varied views we have AND understand, the more prepared we are to face what is to come. Woe to him who thinks nothing can go wrong, but hopeless too is the guy who does not hope that tomorrow will be a brighter day.

LDTR- Myth or Reality???

free, good topic. From an objective POV, for some ppl, it will be a myth cos after considering all the pros and cons, they feel that the cons outweight the pros and will not pursue it.

Even for those that strongly believe in it, like yourself, the results might be more of a nightmare than the dream that they had envisaged.

Anyway, how to determine whether the LDTR will work out? Upon marriage? IMHO, that is only the intermediate destination and not the end. The journey has just reached a milestone but nevertheless just a historic milestone.There will be further challenges in marriage, as I am sure you are fully aware, after having gone through a failed marriage before.

I want to wish you all the best in your relentless pursuit for happiness in your LDTR.

[thaivisitor]

Originally Posted by chanthira

Wah we have the bros with strong links with powerful thai figure.
Any bro has any problem with TG should be able get the help from you

But as the spirite of a cheongster, only base on past experienced and look for new development
The consequence of bad side of story has make mia luang and mia noi became
good friends and also going to get a younger ,beautiful and hardworking 2nd
mia noi.

Ruk jin jin
Jai Kwang Kwang
Khon dii Dtong chok dii

If a TG is able to "conned" a guy, whether Singaporean, Malaysian, Farang or Thai to "support" her, than I will say the TG is smart and deserves whatever she can get.

Even as a TG cons a guy, I'm sure the guy has other benefits during the period he was conned, like getting to screw the TG, etc, etc.

In such relationship, be it Long Distance or living together everyday, there will be some TGs who are out to con guys, and there will also be guys who are out to con the girls too.

If a guy is con by such a TG, and gets contacts like police general, secretary general of thai rak thai to get involved, I wonder how it will look upon the guy being conned?

I'm trying to imagine what the guy will be telling the influential person or what he would want the influential person to do. "Sir, this TG actually has a husband, but she bluff me and make me fall in love with her. So I ended up spending a lot of money on her. Now I discover the truth."?

"Sir, can you make them pay me back whatever I spend on her? If not, maybe have her or her husband killed"?

If such is guy is my friend and ask me for such help, I don't think I will want my contacts to get involved or even myself. I think I will rather just tell my friend to take it as a lesson learnt and don't be a sore loser.

My 2 cents worth.
thaivisitor

[thaivisitor]

Originally Posted by williamangkh

Very interesting thread indeed.

Make me think back of my past in 2001 & 2002.....

But i finally come to term and go back to my wife in Singapore.

My personal view :"
"forbidden fruit is always exciting and fun but reality is practical"
""Have fun outside but never bring it home"

My two cents worth!!!

Cheers!

Good to hear that.

I would advise those who are married, not to get involved in any other kind of relationship, whether it's TG or any other girl.

Cheong all you want, just remember, Fuck and forget.

thaivisitor

[thaivisitor]

Originally Posted by machoman

LDTR- Myth or Reality???

free, good topic. From an objective POV, for some ppl, it will be a myth cos after considering all the pros and cons, they feel that the cons outweight the pros and will not pursue it.

Even for those that strongly believe in it, like yourself, the results might be more of a nightmare than the dream that they had envisaged.

Anyway, how to determine whether the LDTR will work out? Upon marriage? IMHO, that is only the intermediate destination and not the end. The journey has just reached a milestone but nevertheless just a historic milestone.There will be further challenges in marriage, as I am sure you are fully aware, after having gone through a failed marriage before.
.

In LDTR, there is no "true trust" so to speak. The trust involved are mostly based on "perceived trust" or "blind trust". The TG trust you based on your words, and more likely, the guy will hide some facts from the TG.

Already in "closed" relationship whereby you are with your TG everyday, there are already truth hidden from your tirak, so it's even easier to hide the truth in a LDTR.

Why the need to hide? The fact is very simple. Everyone wants to project a good image to his tirak. Stories told will be done in such a way as to protray himself as the "right" guy for her. The things he do, the faithfulness he keeps, etc, etc all will be told in such a way to let the girl perceived that whatever he is doing, right or wrong, is meant for the girl.

Of course it vice-versa and the girl also plays the same game.

My 2 cents worth
thaivisitor

[chanthira]

Originally Posted by thaivisitor

If a TG is able to "conned" a guy, whether Singaporean, Malaysian, Farang or Thai to "support" her, than I will say the TG is smart and deserves whatever she can get.

Even as a TG cons a guy, I'm sure the guy has other benefits during the period he was conned, like getting to screw the TG, etc, etc.

In such relationship, be it Long Distance or living together everyday, there will be some TGs who are out to con guys, and there will also be guys who are out to con the girls too.

If a guy is con by such a TG, and gets contacts like police general, secretary general of thai rak thai to get involved, I wonder how it will look upon the guy being conned?

I'm trying to imagine what the guy will be telling the influential person or what he would want the influential person to do. "Sir, this TG actually has a husband, but she bluff me and make me fall in love with her. So I ended up spending a lot of money on her. Now I discover the truth."?

"Sir, can you make them pay me back whatever I spend on her? If not, maybe have her or her husband killed"?

If such is guy is my friend and ask me for such help, I don't think I will want my contacts to get involved or even myself. I think I will rather just tell my friend to take it as a lesson learnt and don't be a sore loser.

My 2 cents worth.
thaivisitor

Thank you
Jai Kwang Kwang
Jai yen yen

[thaivisitor]

Originally Posted by chanthira

Thank you
Jai Kwang Kwang
Jai yen yen

You want to thank me and Jai yen yen?

Next time you meet me just buy me ice coffee

[Bangkok Master]

Originally Posted by thaivisitor

If a TG is able to "conned" a guy, whether Singaporean, Malaysian, Farang or Thai to "support" her, than I will say the TG is smart and deserves whatever she can get.

Even as a TG cons a guy, I'm sure the guy has other benefits during the period he was conned, like getting to screw the TG, etc, etc.

In such relationship, be it Long Distance or living together everyday, there will be some TGs who are out to con guys, and there will also be guys who are out to con the girls too.

If a guy is con by such a TG, and gets contacts like police general, secretary general of thai rak thai to get involved, I wonder how it will look upon the guy being conned?

I'm trying to imagine what the guy will be telling the influential person or what he would want the influential person to do. "Sir, this TG actually has a husband, but she bluff me and make me fall in love with her. So I ended up spending a lot of money on her. Now I discover the truth."?

TV, I think most likely bro Chantira is not going to pursue the loss of his financial costs but I think his main worry is the thai guy threatening him. Anyway this type of situation is lan-lan one, I also kanna before what to do, if you are the willing party, cannot blame anybody.

As for Bro Chantira, sorry for the late reply as these few days very busy with work and gf also, anyway ThaiPolice is joking, I'm not connected to the police or government, it just happen that I'm now going out with a girl now which happen that her dad is from TRT. But if you really need any help for the threatening case, I can check with ThaiPolice to see how we can help u. So meanwhile Choke Dee Na Krub.................

[thaivisitor]

Originally Posted by Bangkok Master

TV, I think most likely bro Chantira is not going to pursue the loss of his financial costs but I think his main worry is the thai guy threatening him. Anyway this type of situation is lan-lan one, I also kanna before what to do, if you are the willing party, cannot blame anybody.

As for Bro Chantira, sorry for the late reply as these few days very busy with work and gf also, anyway ThaiPolice is joking, I'm not connected to the police or government, it just happen that I'm now going out with a girl now which happen that her dad is from TRT. But if you really need any help for the threatening case, I can check with ThaiPolice to see how we can help u. So meanwhile Choke Dee Na Krub.................

Noted.

Anyway, I'll probably be in BKK next week. See you then.

[free]

Originally Posted by machoman

LDTR- Myth or Reality???

free, good topic. From an objective POV, for some ppl, it will be a myth cos after considering all the pros and cons, they feel that the cons outweight the pros and will not pursue it.

Even for those that strongly believe in it, like yourself, the results might be more of a nightmare than the dream that they had envisaged.

Anyway, how to determine whether the LDTR will work out? Upon marriage? IMHO, that is only the intermediate destination and not the end. The journey has just reached a milestone but nevertheless just a historic milestone.There will be further challenges in marriage, as I am sure you are fully aware, after having gone through a failed marriage before.

Think about it, nothing is guaranteed to last forever, not even marriages made in SGP. It takes 2 to tango, whether with the other right here locally, or with someone in a land some distance away. And when I speak of LDTRs becoming a reality, I can see different people have different interpretations. For myself, Reality is not equal to success in marriage and happy family for ever and ever. That is another story. Reality therefore, is related to success but not synonymous.

Let's look at a local BGR. U have a gal whom u love and u know she also loves you. Both of you may or may not see each other everyday, but probably both of you talked each day, if not several times a day. The r/s has reached a point where both wants to get married with each other and are working actively towards it, including the belt-tightening part. Both sets of families are aware of the other and have given their blessings for the r/s too. Would u not feel that this BGR is a reality?

I look at my own r/s with my tirak. It has all the elements of the above except we dun see each other as often as we would like to (a temporary situation), and our main language of communication (verbal or written) is Thai, and not Angrit, or Mandarin or dialects. And we talked at least 4 times a day, every day, and it is not just about "sa baai dee mai" or "gin kao reu yang", for my level of thai (spoken or written) has gone way way beyond that.

So what makes it less of a reality than a local r/s? So for me, my LDTR is no longer a myth - it is now as REAL (if not MORE real) than any r/s I have ever been involved in. Today, we are walking along the path towards marriage. And when the time comes, we have no intention of living apart; NO, we want to be together, wherever that place we call "home" will be, even if it means a lower standard of living - we know we will have a Higher Quality of Life Together. Throw in all the possible distractions that has popped up along the way and when we still prefer each other, it makes the LDTR more real than ever. My dear TGL bros will know most of the distractions we had faced. Pîi and Pîi-sà-pái say from the bottom of our hearts, "thanks for being there for us, Nong Chai's"

Whether this LDTR (now a reality for me) will be extended into the next phase (aka marriage) and then permanency (or so called "work out") is yet another matter, and it is between my tirak & I to work hard to ensure that happens, and we are indeed working hard at it. If we fail, we have only ourselves to blame - no one else.

When u say "Even for those that strongly believe in it, like yourself, the results might be more of a nightmare than the dream that they had envisaged" - bear in mind that something that happens here in SG can be worse, like it can happen anywhere. It depends on whether the 2 persons are dancing in sync or fighting a battle that nobody wins in the end. At least today I dun have someone whose heart is never contented (let alone be appreciative) irregardless of what I did and it matters not if her & my female friends think I am doing an OK job then, if not a good or great one. Sad part is when she realised the end was near, she too cannot understand why she behaved the way she did, and the leopard just could not change her spots, tried as she said she did. So her "prey" finally died after enduring a good many years.

Today, at least my tirak makes me feel that I am more precious to her than anyone else in her life right now, and that I am already complete as I am today, than I was ever made to feel before by the one whom I once thought was to be my dream (but it had turned out to be my wildest nightmare), right here on local soil. At least my beloved is going thru the "thin" with me right now, w/o complaining nor regret, unlike the one before who complained even when we were going thru the "thickest" of times. If fact what she expected from me has been "dropping" over the months as she loves me more and more.

My biggest surprise was how my own mum came to accept & love her, after my tirak was upset with me some time ago when I argued with my mum (even when mum was in the wrong), and I ended up promising her I will apologise to my mum for being rude (and I did). MUm was shocked this angry combatant man who went into the room to call and complain to my tirak, came out smiling and apologetic instead. Her initial anger turned into joy as she realised my tirak had cared for her! She knew the previous woman would have egged me on, and get me even more fired up, cos mum knew she was the one who was wrong. My mum said that when I had a wife, I lost my mum, but now that I got my gf, I found my mum back again. Kind of gives this LDTR a fresh perpective when my mum now supports us. This is one aespect of the TG that wins over most SG gals hands down. For my mum at her age, this factor is important to her, plus knowing I have a woman who is interested in taking care of my needs, and not just her own.

Finally, as I learnt more about Buddhism and talked to more monks (in SG and LOS), I am beginning to understand my past and present situation better. I no longer blame my ex (or myself) for our past - it is our Karma that we were not meant to be. Life goes on.

I want to wish you all the best in your relentless pursuit for happiness in your LDTR

For this, we thank you from the depths of our hearts.

[dejavu]

Originally Posted by free

.... This is one aespect of the TG that wins over most SG gals hands down. .

My friend, you are generalising from your personal experience. Let's not get carried away as there are so many personal experiences I've encountered that run contrary to yours.

You have your say and I respect that; but don't make unsubstantiated claims. To each his own.

All the best in your relationship.

[free]

Originally Posted by dejavu

My friend, you are generalising from your personal experience. Let's not get carried away as there are so many personal experiences I've encountered that run contrary to yours.

You have your say and I respect that; but don't make unsubstantiated claims. To each his own.

All the best in your relationship.

Everything I said in my previous post relates to my personal experience and I not making any generalization for other bros. Obviously the area that you may perhaps be concerned about is when I said

Originally Posted by free

.... This is ONE aspect of the TG that wins over most SG gals hands down.

Well, let me clarify further. I am talking about ONE particular area here - where her "in-laws" are concerned. I dun think I am generalizing here, but I am not exactly putting the SG ladies down either. It is both a common and known factor, given the state of development of this country that most SG gals, like most westernised ladies do not look forward to staying with their in-laws if possible, let alone expect themselves to. (If Brothers here disagree with me on this ONE point, do feel free to post your thoughts here. Else I would be led to think that I am not off the track to say what I did) It is just the way things are, SG being a small country and thus easily open to and influenced by trends in more developed Westernised countries. Of course, with the country being small, it is less of a problem, as visiting the in-laws is far easier, if "time permits" of course.

By saying what I did, I am not trying to belittle the SG ladies, cos they too have their advantages. Plus there are many happy families here in SG too. I am not even saying that to "not want to live together with in-laws" is wrong - it depends on what matters to the couple (esp the guy in this case) and of course these days I would add - his parents as well. Interestingly my own mum does not expect to live with us, but she is happy to know that (unlike the situation before), this time she will be 100% welcomed by my tirak (and myself) anytime she wants to, whether for a short while, or for the long term. That I do not have to have to negotiate with my tirak in the event mum wishes to come over is already a blessing in itself, cos she sees it as OUR duty to take care of her. Never was there the question of "can't your siblings take care of her?" discussed. Cos she already asked my mum on her own. And like I addressed her mum as "meh", she also addressed my mum as "mother"

However I must add that my personal bad experience does not mean that all SG r/s are bad. Not at all. It also depends on what one looks for in a relationship and what one is prepared to settle for. I just happened to make a wrong choice, and perhaps it is also co-incidental that my next choice happens to be a TG, thouugh I must admit I do have a preference for the TG and a tendency to avoid an SG gal, simply cos I believe what I looked for is far more easily found in one and not the other (going by the average female I meet from both countries). And since I see myself as a global citizen, I dun need to be restricted by her nationality, so I am free to choose what suits me better.