A painful decision

[jojogigi]

Originally Posted by DO_YOU_BJ

Hey, this sounds very familiar!
我： 你爱我吗？
她： 我不知道。
我： 你爱我吗？
她： 我爱你。
我： 你神经病！！！

i put so long now then u see ah? from a jedi master lo.....

[porscheclub]

Originally Posted by cablesnwires

Who do you love more? Your girl or your children? Live your life as it should. You are your own destiny.

Sad to say I love them all. Actually, I spend very little time with my kids & I thought I could leave them but I gave myself some time to be with them. The daughter always make my heart melt. Unfortunately we just can't have everything in life.

Yes, I believe in making my own destiny even though I check on my fortuneteller often. But this time, it's drawing a blank.

Originally Posted by sammyboyfor

It's all hunky dory now but once you've lived with her for a few years, you'll find they're all the same.

Yes, I would want to believe what u said it's true. It's honeymoon period now. yeah?

Originally Posted by DTCEPL

I will choose the family and children, a Man regardless, must take up the responsibilities which he have started, and even if he carrys with 遗憾 / regrets to his grave.....so be it.

Agree. That's why I'm having a tough time for the last few months.

Originally Posted by Fishcer

There's no way u r gonna decide based on what is written by bros here...in fact if u r really asking bros here to give their opinion, what i can say is that i feel you just want to have pple supporting what u already decide, so that u have a base to justify ur choice, cos u know that there will definitely b 2 split camps, and that u can say "Look, others think the same as me, so that must mean i m not wrong"...

Actually, I see many intelligent people here with lots of experiences to share. I'm sure many of the seniors here would have gone through what I'm going through now.

[porscheclub]

Originally Posted by DO_YOU_BJ

Bro PorscheClub, this was the day i remembered we once talked about.
Yes, she's half your age blah blah.....but if she is willing to be wif you, by virtue that we both think we know who we are, you can always get her here, obtain PR status thru our influences and put her up somewhere on our island on a perm basis. Yes, a full fledged mistress. This is the path to take.

Why suggest this.......you're an eagle! You'll need your hunting flights ever so often to get your fill...thus this is the true you, also, this where your gusto or life force comes from. Clip a wing & you'll be killing yourself.....how long can you take it before you break? Well guess depends on individual.
Have a good think about what i suggest to you my friend, and i'm sure you will come up wif something that's a win win.
Need me, you know how to find me.

Remember, make a choice you wont regret and wont loose out...life is selfish.......but in this scenario, make a choice that all will benefit from it.
If you clip a wing, even your kid will feel you're like a DEAD MAN WALKING!

Take care my friend

Bro, we've both never expected to go so deep together. We've lived together on/off for 10 months now. Never expected to have a mistress either. Aiya one thing led to another. I'm actually getting her an S pass today but pulled the handbrake because once she's here on a 2yr contract & subsequent PR. That's it.

She doesn't want to be the mistress & I don't want the mess either, I'm not suave as you leh. Anyway, this one confirm not after my money either, cos I don't have much anyway & her mum's paying for her permit now.

Actually, I'd rather she's older & more matured.

Yeah you're right. Dead man walking...... I can imagine that & I've not put much heart into women for a long time but this one hurts.

Eagle? u wise man

[RTTO]

Bro, ask yourself this - are you here to seek advise or here hoping a couple of bros would encourage you to leave your family for the gal?

You probably subconciously know which path to choose but just want to get more people to support your decision. I had a similar plight couple of years back..... i was my gf's weekday office hour man and once after office hour, weekend and public holidays, I am back to my good father/husband status. We (gf and I) were so lovey dovey and I told her I am going to divorce my wife and my kids will understand when they grow up and that they will give us their blessings blar blar blar...... honeymoon period, Bro.

Soon after a year, i got bored and tired and i finally realized that it was lust i was chasing after all these while. I gotta constantly find time during office hr to be with her... makan, sex, shopping, sex, watch movie, sex, sex sex.... Then sometimes i also worried that OC at night might be horny and look for me. If i cannot perform, donno how to answer. Everytime after sex with my gf, the first thing that comes to my mind is FAMILY! GO HOME! My kids told me FAMILY stands for Father And Mother I Love You! You wanted to be a good father becos of your lack of father's love during your younger days... but look at what you are intending to do to your kids?

Also, when you are emotionally tied to someone, you can't think probably. The flame will died down someday and you might just fall for another perfect gal of your life. Perhaps it's communication problem you and your wife faced. I used to think I dun love my wife... lame excuses. When i put in the effort to communicatte with my wife, I realized the problem lies with me. I didn't put in enuf effort to communicate with her.

So fortunately this relationship with my gf is over.... so I am now back to my family AND I AM VERY GLAD I DID NOT LEAVE MY FAMILY AND CHOSE TO BE WITH MY GF!

That's why nowadays, i go for paid sex.... no emotional setback, just a transaction.

[aakumu]

Hi bro,
I just have to asked, if the woman concern is she a normal girl or a working girl?
Some bro here said something about PR for here?
I wanted to point out if it is a FL/WL or whatever your call it, then forget it. If it is a normal girl, I will still take the children over the girl.
When the time comes and your kids are grown and gone, I am sure you will all the time to be with her; now all your effort should be on raising your children and giving them the best.

My humble two cents.

[slider_72]

I actually started off wanting to tell you to stick to your wife and kids. But you know what? After writing for a while, I deleted everything. How can anyone not in your position tell you to either forgo your love or give up your family? It is a really difficult position you are in and I feel sorry for you.

Before you decide, have you considered why you say she is not after your money? Apart from money, could be other needs like getting the S Pass and the eventual PR.

[porscheclub]

Originally Posted by petrolheadsg

bro...when I read your post, I felt as if it were me writing that albeit many years ago.

Having said that though, I agree with what some bros say ie your circumstances will be unique, there are details that will differ from mine or other bros and our advice may not be the right one for you.

If you want to vent or share you can call me out for kopi. But ultimately when you make that decision, it will be made alone.

All the best bro

Gam xia bro. Haven't met up for quite a while now.

Originally Posted by ekemono

Did your own children raise both hands in full support of you to end the marriage with their biological mother cos they figure out they can better love the future step mother?

Thank you sir. No, the children will remain with the mum. I gave her 2 maids, a car & an apt. I'll still remain as what I've always been = a weekend papa. In fact, I think it's my fault for pampering the wife too much. Anyway, I'll still bring the kids out on weekends as usual & even with the mum along as well & the 2nd wife has agreed to this arrangement. We'll still take the children on holidays too.

[applepie99]

TS, you didn't share with us which nationality she's from. Anyway, do you think she's going to make a difference if you were to leave your current wife and marry her? Think carefully, after a few years, the sparks will go off, and you'll probably find her no difference from your current wife. How long have you been seeing her? 10 months? That is not long enough...maybe 3 years before you make a decision. If I'm you, I would just married once, and be a playboy for the rest of my life. Remember that they are from Venus and they are going to behave the same, whether they are from Singapore, Malaysia or China.

[porscheclub]

Originally Posted by aakumu

Hi bro,
I just have to asked, if the woman concern is she a normal girl or a working girl?

Yes, thanks for looking into this. She's not a W/L or F/L but still a PRC. I've done background checks & lived with the family.

Originally Posted by RTTO

Bro, ask yourself this - are you here to seek advise or here hoping a couple of bros would encourage you to leave your family for the gal?

Thanks! Very good insight. I would like to hear from you guys with similar experience. Mine has gone pass the sex issue & we've been living together. Her family actually objected @ 1st knowing that I have a family but she's too much in love with me so they finally gave blessings.

Originally Posted by slider_72

Before you decide, have you considered why you say she is not after your money? Apart from money, could be other needs like getting the S Pass and the eventual PR.

Thank you bro, u've been very understanding & thanks for your concerns too. I've grilled her many times on all these issues & she's quite pitiful actually. Because, everytime I read something here, I'll test her.

[DO_YOU_BJ]

Bro, we've both never expected to go so deep together. We've lived together on/off for 10 months now. Never expected to have a mistress either. Aiya one thing led to another. I'm actually getting her an S pass today but pulled the handbrake because once she's here on a 2yr contract & subsequent PR. That's it.
My brudder, its something like i started my initial post to you long ago when this surfaced, you sure????? Remember?
Well its at that stage now? Confusion, sorry but sadly, cannot be in that stage anymore liao...the stage has been set, the movie has started. You know her best but also you must still be focused. U must be in entire control of everything. You have reached the point of no return.
Now is to really really sit down and PLAN for everything liao. No more test water. All decisions made will be very impacting to all parties involved.

She doesn't want to be the mistress & I don't want the mess either, I'm not suave as you leh. Anyway, this one confirm not after my money either, cos I don't have much anyway & her mum's paying for her permit now.
Not wanting to be mistress and wanting to be number 1 can be a real prob. Why not? Think carefully about this and understand their culture as compared to ours. This one worries me. Like u said in another post, car, 2 maids and a roof. Bro, too fast for so much. Question, house as discussed earlier rented, bot under your name or hers? Very important.
Suave is not the matter here, it's how you view and manage your own world my brudder.

Actually, I'd rather she's older & more matured.
Think if that happened, you may not in this stage now ya.....
Yeah you're right. Dead man walking...... I can imagine that & I've not put much heart into women for a long time but this one hurts.
Remember your old posts to me about my number 4? You're in the same position now that i was in then. So my friend, time to make a stand & make your call!

Eagle? u wise man
This one cant be wrong one, cos the tot of clipping my wing actually scared me. My point of reference, my father in law. A full fledged dead man walking...wife can nag nag and he like numb.....then wife can call him, LAO EH, i toking to you leh!!! His reply....ah?????
I dun ever want to end up like that...real sad sight....so i decided to run my life. Do not take this path cos you'll loose you and you'll loose your drive in many aspects in life....better off dead

[porscheclub]

Originally Posted by DO_YOU_BJ

My brudder, its something like i started my initial post to you long ago when this surfaced, you sure????? Remember?
Well its at that stage now? Confusion, sorry but sadly, cannot be in that stage anymore liao...the stage has been set, the movie has started. You know her best but also you must still be focused. U must be in entire control of everything. You have reached the point of no return.
Now is to really really sit down and PLAN for everything liao. No more test water. All decisions made will be very impacting to all parties involved.

Yes SIR. FOCUS.... & the next 72 hrs is very trying.

Not wanting to be mistress and wanting to be number 1 can be a real prob. Why not? Think carefully about this and understand their culture as compared to ours. This one worries me. Like u said in another post, car, 2 maids and a roof. Bro, too fast for so much. Question, house as discussed earlier rented, bot under your name or hers? Very important.
Suave is not the matter here, it's how you view and manage your own world my brudder.

OOps sorry. Misunderstanding here. The maids, car & apt is for my existing wife.

The 2nd one washes my clothes with her bare hands & washing machine. Does the ironing too

This one cant be wrong one, cos the tot of clipping my wing actually scared me. My point of reference, my father in law. A full fledged dead man walking...wife can nag nag and he like numb.....then wife can call him, LAO EH, i toking to you leh!!! His reply....ah?????
I dun ever want to end up like that...real sad sight....so i decided to run my life. Do not take this path cos you'll loose you and you'll loose your drive in many aspects in life....better off dead

Yeah, reminds me of my uncle indeed. He held on because of the children & the wife nagged him all his life. Now that the kids are all grown up, he's leading his own life.

[colins]

Bro porscheclub, you come across as a successful person in your career. But in terms of relationships, sounds like you tend to make big decisions unconsciously. Maybe your defination of a good life involves largely around being successful in what you lack in your younger days, but if you really see what you lack now, your decision can be much clearer. To me, none of your choices will provide what you lack. You will still meet this kind of situation even with your 'new partner' in the future.

Its hard to let go of the past, becos in certain ways, we always fulfil ourselves with only what we think we lack in the past. If that has become what we live for, then bro, the present and future will seem to be very confusing.

In short, you still haven't found out what you want in life.

[cablesnwires]

Dear bro porscheclub,

You need to be very clear. Your grounds for divorce is not strong. Let me ask you this: If this lady did not appear in your life, would you still proceed with the divorce? No?

When your children was borne, and looking at them while carrying them in your arms, what were you thinking?

Can you really look straight at your kids' eyes, after you are divorced, if you decide to divorce?

Kinda remind me when someone posts this question to me: Who do you save in a fire when time only permits you to save one, wife or mother?

[justl00king]

Bro,

Live life with no regrets! And just do whatever makes you feel happy and alive!

Hard for another to pass comments as only you know best what's right for ya.
Just remember what you decide now will affect what gonna happen in future.

All the best!!!

[porscheclub]

Originally Posted by colins

Its hard to let go of the past, becos in certain ways, we always fulfil ourselves with only what we think we lack in the past. If that has become what we live for, then bro, the present and future will seem to be very confusing.

In short, you still haven't found out what you want in life.

Wow this has to be best post! Do we actually know what we want in life?

I have never stopped to think about this.

Incidentally, I love U2's I still haven't found what I've been looking for.