Long Distance Tirak Relationship - Myth or Reality

[free]

Originally Posted by thaivisitor

Cheong all you want, just remember, Fuck and forget.
thaivisitor

May I add "Cheong all you want but do not let her know or pretend she does not sense it, just remember....."

Ultimately the man has to decide whether he is willing to run the risk of hurting his beloved wife (I am assuming she still is his beloved), for the woman normally has a 6th-sense about such things, especially if it continues over a period of time. I chose one way, others may go the other, Right or wrong, I dun care to say, for it is the individual's choice.

[thaivisitor]

Originally Posted by free

May I add "Cheong all you want but do not let her know or pretend she does not sense it, just remember....."

Ultimately the man has to decide whether he is willing to run the risk of hurting his beloved wife (I am assuming she still is his beloved), for the woman normally has a 6th-sense about such things, especially if it continues over a period of time. I chose one way, others may go the other, Right or wrong, I dun care to say, for it is the individual's choice.

A man can swear all he wants that he is faithful to his GF or wife, be it swearing upon the light, on the life of their parents or kids or whatever. I still won't believe it. Not that there are no faithful husbands or boyfriends around, but they are in the very small minority.

Most people, when first got into a relationship, will of course be enjoying in their new found relationship, with dreams, with hopes, etc. etc. During this period, many of them pledge their love, their loyalty, their faithfulness to one another. Sex outside the relationship is not thought of as both will be enjoying each other's fruit especially so with a TG since most of the TG knows how to please a guy in bed (as far as this thread is concern as most tiraks are ex-WL one way or another).

It's after this period whereby the guys will then be back to reality. Like I said, there is a minority and as far as I am aware, bro Free my friend, you are not in this minority although you projected the image and claimed that "you chose one way while others may chose the other".

I'm not trying to discredit you in anyway, just to let you realised that we must be truthful to ourselves and not dream or visualise the saints that we are not. We must be in reality in order to have reality in our relationship.

thaivisitor

[tirak99]

Originally Posted by thaivisitor

A man can swear all he wants that he is faithful to his GF or wife, be it swearing upon the light.

I'm not trying to discredit you in anyway, just to let you realised that we must be truthful to ourselves and not dream or visualise the saints that we are not. We must be in reality in order to have reality in our relationship.

Bro TV, well-advice... agreed... got to be reality.

[free]

Originally Posted by thaivisitor

A man can swear all he wants that he is faithful to his GF or wife, be it swearing upon the light, on the life of their parents or kids or whatever. I still won't believe it. Not that there are no faithful husbands or boyfriends around, but they are in the very small minority.

Most people, when first got into a relationship, will of course be enjoying in their new found relationship, with dreams, with hopes, etc. etc. During this period, many of them pledge their love, their loyalty, their faithfulness to one another. Sex outside the relationship is not thought of as both will be enjoying each other's fruit especially so with a TG since most of the TG knows how to please a guy in bed (as far as this thread is concern as most tiraks are ex-WL one way or another).

It's after this period whereby the guys will then be back to reality. Like I said, there is a minority and as far as I am aware, bro Free my friend, you are not in this minority although you projected the image and claimed that "you chose one way while others may chose the other".

I'm not trying to discredit you in anyway, just to let you realised that we must be truthful to ourselves and not dream or visualise the saints that we are not. We must be in reality in order to have reality in our relationship.

thaivisitor

Is what I am saying wrong? I suppose I hit a raw nerve? Whenever we go cheonging, we are taking the risk of hurting the ones who trusted us or at least hope we dun do it, are we not?

BTW, it doesn't mattter whether u believe whatever I do, nor am I asking or hopng for you to. I did not even say that I have never been u faithful. But when I am in a relationship that is working out as it should, I choose not to take the risk as much as I can. That level of tolerance I exbihit may not be the same as what another person can, and I stress it does not make me any better a person, nor worse. It only lessens my risk of hurting my beloved. On few occassions I may have failed, but I just cannot bring myself to do so on a regular basis. When was the last time I touched another woman? It was in January and even then, at a time when I was not in a committed r/s with her then.

I draw my lines somewhere. U draw yours. It's ok, We can agree to disagree. Nobody can agree on everything in life. Just be happy the way we lead our lives

[dejavu]

Originally Posted by free

...
And since I see myself as a global citizen, I dun need to be restricted by her nationality, so I am free to choose what suits me better.

No offence friend...just the KP side of me and naturally curious; you can choose to ignore my Q below.

since you ascribe yourself as a global citizen, then why trod the path and restrict yourself to an 'undesirable' selection when the world is at your beckon? Ain't there more choices out there that are deemed socially more de facto and accepted? Did you give yourself a chance to sample the others?

Before I get blown away by the impending rebuttal(s), let me qualify myself. I assume, and I don't suppose I'm very far off from any culture regarding this aspect, that a long-term relationship with a WL is viewed negatively by the majority and deemed as 'undesirable'.

Cheers and as always, to each his own and good luck.

[thaivisitor]

Originally Posted by free

Is what I am saying wrong? I suppose I hit a raw nerve? Whenever we go cheonging, we are taking the risk of hurting the ones who trusted us or at least hope we dun do it, are we not?

As far as cheonging is concerned, there are no raw nerves in my body, it's too seasoned. But I had to "speak out" when I see your posts which does not implies the truth and project a totally different image of yourself.

I did not even say that I have never been u faithful. But when I am in a relationship that is working out as it should, I choose not to take the risk as much as I can. That level of tolerance I exbihit may not be the same as what another person can, and I stress it does not make me any better a person, nor worse. It only lessens my risk of hurting my beloved. On few occassions I may have failed, but I just cannot bring myself to do so on a regular basis.

Now your reply is so much different from you earlier post. Take a look at what you wrote and the implication it projects.

"Ultimately the man has to decide whether he is willing to run the risk of hurting his beloved wife (I am assuming she still is his beloved), for the woman normally has a 6th-sense about such things, especially if it continues over a period of time. I chose one way, others may go the other, Right or wrong, I dun care to say, for it is the individual's choice."

You are clearly telling bros that if they cheong, they run the risk of hurting their wives since their wives will eventually know since they have the "6th sense". Then you put it that it is their choice but as for you, you chose one way (presumbly not to cheong) while others may go the other (presumbly to cheong).

Isn't it obvious that you are trying to project that you DON'T cheong? Of course you can also now qualify your posts that it was not meant to be read that way. What else is new?

Like I said, I'm not trying to discredit you in anyway, just to let you realised that we must be truthful to ourselves and not dream or visualise the saints that we are not. You seemed to be projecting to the forum of how such "goody goody" you are which in this world is not possible for anyone. You seemed to project in the forum of how hard you work towards your relationship and that all things seemed perfect.

Bro, relationships must start with truths not concealed facts. Reality towards oneself, one's surrounding, one's life before affecting another. There are so many flaws in your impending relationship that because you project a different image to others, so much so that you also see yourself in that image. As such, you are not able to see the flaws that will harm your relationship.

thaivisitor

[thaivisitor]

Originally Posted by dejavu

Before I get blown away by the impending rebuttal(s), let me qualify myself. I assume, and I don't suppose I'm very far off from any culture regarding this aspect, that a long-term relationship with a WL is viewed negatively by the majority and deemed as 'undesirable'.

Well, he has to "hide" or conceal this truth or fact from his family, that's for sure. But then again, who knows his family will continue to pamper his tirak the way he has so far described, if eventhough they know her story. That he will have a bigger surprise when mum comes to accept and love her?

[free]

Originally Posted by thaivisitor

As far as cheonging is concerned, there are no raw nerves in my body, it's too seasoned. But I had to "speak out" when I see your posts which does not implies the truth and project a totally different image of yourself.


Now your reply is so much different from you earlier post. Take a look at what you wrote and the implication it projects.

"Ultimately the man has to decide whether he is willing to run the risk of hurting his beloved wife (I am assuming she still is his beloved), for the woman normally has a 6th-sense about such things, especially if it continues over a period of time. I chose one way, others may go the other, Right or wrong, I dun care to say, for it is the individual's choice."

You are clearly telling bros that if they cheong, they run the risk of hurting their wives since their wives will eventually know since they have the "6th sense". Then you put it that it is their choice but as for you, you chose one way (presumbly not to cheong) while others may go the other (presumbly to cheong).

Isn't it obvious that you are trying to project that you DON'T cheong? Of course you can also now qualify your posts that it was not meant to be read that way. What else is new?

Like I said, I'm not trying to discredit you in anyway, just to let you realised that we must be truthful to ourselves and not dream or visualise the saints that we are not. You seemed to be projecting to the forum of how such "goody goody" you are which in this world is not possible for anyone. You seemed to project in the forum of how hard you work towards your relationship and that all things seemed perfect.

Bro, relationships must start with truths not concealed facts. Reality towards oneself, one's surrounding, one's life before affecting another. There are so many flaws in your impending relationship that because you project a different image to others, so much so that you also see yourself in that image. As such, you are not able to see the flaws that will harm your relationship.

thaivisitor

U are entitled to see things the way u want to see. I have no idea why u are reacting this way - attacking specific portions of my post instead of seeing things in the context of the entirety. I can only conclude I really had accidentally hit an unknown raw nerve somewhere.

I have never claimed to be a goody 2 shoes but I stand by my words (backed by my actions - at least since January) that I will not make active efforts to cheong when I am in a committed r/s. So far I am happy with my own results as I have not touched another woman since my tirak and I re-connected end January and I am not actively seeking opportunities to do so. If anything I am trying to avoid temptations that came my way, and I hope I can be strong enough to avoid them. I got a tough one on my hand now and if I can bypass this temptation, I am confident I will pass most temptations. Those I faced at HY are no where near this one I faced now - SYT who is not even an FL/WL.

I described what I tried to do, and I never said I have never failed. Nevertheless I will continue to try. For each time I failed to resist temptation I am putting what I have build up with my tirak at risk. That is my problem which I alone must grabble with. That is my reality.

I am sure you deal with it in a different way, or perhaps you are so lucky u dun face this risk. Your reality is obviously different from mine. Good for you.

[thaivisitor]

Originally Posted by free

When was the last time I touched another woman? It was in January and even then, at a time when I was not in a committed r/s with her then.

So far I am happy with my own results as I have not touched another woman since my tirak and I re-connected end January and I am not actively seeking opportunities to do so.

You were not committed in a r/s in January? You only re-connected with your tirak end-January?

Wow! If that was the case, what was your answer when I queried you with regards to the WLs you took in Hatyai in January? You said eventually you didn't do anything with them because you thought of your tirak and felt guilty. But that is not the point.

You did not hit on any nerves of mine, raw or cooked. I have no agenda against you. On the contrary. What I want to bring across to you my friend, is that you might be living in the world that you dreamt up. Although it good to have hopes and dreams, but don't live in it. Live in reality.

You are just starting on this journey, you have not walked this path before. You have not, and are not, doing the things that will bring your relationship towards success. Believe me, I know.

[free]

Originally Posted by dejavu

No offence friend...just the KP side of me and naturally curious; you can choose to ignore my Q below.

since you ascribe yourself as a global citizen, then why trod the path and restrict yourself to an 'undesirable' selection when the world is at your beckon? Ain't there more choices out there that are deemed socially more de facto and accepted? Did you give yourself a chance to sample the others?

Before I get blown away by the impending rebuttal(s), let me qualify myself. I assume, and I don't suppose I'm very far off from any culture regarding this aspect, that a long-term relationship with a WL is viewed negatively by the majority and deemed as 'undesirable'.

Cheers and as always, to each his own and good luck.

Well, I did have a few TGs to choose from and all but one was an active FL in their younger days. All the rest were Uni grads too. I had already known her for 1+ year as a friend anyway but was never a customer in the physical sense, as I was attached to another TG (Dancer). When I met her face-to-face again in BKK she was already out of the trade and was pondering what to do with her life. All she knew was she dun want to go back again. At that time I had just broken off with another TG, Rain. She helped me to get over my pain as a good friend and was there for me yet again. This time, our 1+ friendship was allowed to grow into love cos I was no longer attached. That we had been good platonic friends in the past played a key role in shaping how we see each other, for we had been each other's confidant.

When I had to choose, I chose her as she was the one whose character matches mine and also meets my needs most. That she "won" over the rest is to me a credit to her. Even today, as I meet others on the Internet, educated, pretty and all, she still can stand on her own. True, some standards bars have been raised and she knows it, but she also recognizes that she will be a more "capable" woman in the eyes of society as she learns new skills and reaches for higher grounds. I have not regreted picking her.

For sure she is not a WL/FL today, not in SG nor in BKK. I see her as another ordinary TG today. Her past is over, just as mine is. Its been a while since she left that behind. If anything she has on her own cut off all but 3 friends who were with her in the old days. One is sadly still doing it in BKK (bf left her, got 3 daughters/1 mother to feed), another in Bahrain (got blur/slow {if I may add lazy} husband and 1 kid to feed), while the 3rd has too quitted and is now with her husband in Taiwan. These 2 remaining friends do not attempt to tempt her to go back to join them. I have met them and I am comfortable with them. I am now sure she has cut off her past.

She is now going thru her beauty & hair dressing diploma course, and she is going to sign up for her distance learning vocational college end this month. I am please she is making efforts (on her own) to pursue what she had let go of in the past due to mis-guidance and mischief.

If anything, she serves as sort of an example to some of my close brothers' tiraks are leaving the WL line and understand what can possibly become of their lives in the future. Not that they must do the same.

[free]

Originally Posted by thaivisitor

You were not committed in a r/s in January? You only re-connected with your tirak end-January?

Wow! If that was the case, what was your answer when I queried you with regards to the WLs you took in Hatyai in January? You said eventually you didn't do anything with them because you thought of your tirak and felt guilty. But that is not the point.

You did not hit on any nerves of mine, raw or cooked. I have no agenda against you. On the contrary. What I want to bring across to you my friend, is that you might be living in the world that you dreamt up. Although it good to have hopes and dreams, but don't live in it. Live in reality.

You are just starting on this journey, you have not walked this path before. You have not, and are not, doing the things that will bring your relationship towards success. Believe me, I know.

Whatever u want to say. I can't stop ur twisting & turning and nit-picking of words. As far as I am concerned, I was separated from my tirak in 1st week December 2004 till January 2005. I said I did not do anything with that particular WL in HY in January cos she was rude and turned me off. And I stated very clearly I did have a good time with the one FL I met at Paragon Disco the next day. I did not say anything at all about abstaining cos I was thinking of my tirak, cos at that time, I have not even decided I will let her come back to me. (Why do u put words that I did not say in my mouth?) I made that decision to let her return only the last week of January 2005 and that was why I went to see her in early Feb. My story had not changed one iota. Instead, what u read or interpreted seemed to have. I wonder why? Perhaps u have not really read.... but you tot u had.....

Go back and read all my replies again, and in their entirety, please. I have only one version of my story to tell. And for heaven's sake dun go nit-picking on small little words. Read the context.

You said u know... do u really know me? We haven't even spend anything close to a week toghether! Much less her? And what my history is like? Think again. I have always added that unless we are close to the person and his partner whom we are trying to advise, let us not forget that our advice is always from afar. Let's not expect that just because we have walked a particular route, everyone else's journeys are going to follow the same path.

To end. may I quote my dear bro Hitman once again. He best expresses how the future can be, if we make our choices

Originally Posted by Hitman, 13-06-2003

Bro Free, although I do not know you, but I want you to know that you have my blessings and best wishes..... here's a quote I'd like to share with you and brothers here...

The future is not a result of choices among alternative paths offered by the present, but a place that is created--created first in the mind and will, created next in activity. The future is not some place we are going to, but one we are creating. The paths are not to be found, but made, and the activity of making them, changes both the maker and the destination.
- - John Schaar

Persevere when you've found true love, and there will be light at the end of the tunnel...

Well, I have not reached the end of my tunnel. But I know now that the light I am now seeing is NOT that of an oncoming train

[free]

Originally Posted by thaivisitor

Well, he has to "hide" or conceal this truth or fact from his family, that's for sure. But then again, who knows his family will continue to pamper his tirak the way he has so far described, if eventhough they know her story. That he will have a bigger surprise when mum comes to accept and love her?

I am sorry. How I will deal with this if/when the time comes is an internal matter within my family. I have already though thru it in early 2003, way before I started. Thanks for your concern but well, as I said, that;s my private matter.

U sure u are not getting rather personal here?

[thaivisitor]

Originally Posted by free

Whatever u want to say.

Well, I have not reached the end of my tunnel. But I know now that the light I am now seeing is NOT that of an oncoming train

I sense a little agression in your tone
and have taken a little bit of time in writing my answers
and at the same time exposing some facts and incidents
which may embarrassed you or put you in bad light.

But I've decided not to post it as I do not benefit from doing so,
but rather posting it will cause me to have a sleepness night.

Then I thought I'll PM to you.
But what the hell for? I won't be able to sleep too.

If you think I do not know the path you are heading, so be it.
If you think I do not know the mistakes you are making, so be it.
If you think a third party cannot see better and you yourself knows best, so be it.

If you end up well I do not gain. If you end up bad, I do not lose.
So why the hell should I bother?

My best wishes to you.
thaivisitor

[milffella]

bros bros, can come and vote on my poll between the two babes?

[free]

Originally Posted by thaivisitor

If you end up well I do not gain. If you end up bad, I do not lose.
So why the hell should I bother?

My best wishes to you.
thaivisitor

I suggest that Time will be the best judge. Time alone will tell. This pilgrimage I am travelling, I am already on my way. Turning back dun make sense, for where I come from is worse. Going forward makes a lot more sense, as at least the future seems brighter. So I go on. No need to prove anything, cos there is no need to, nor is there anything to prove. That is a no-win situation for all. Have said time and again, this is my pilgrimage and Alone I must walk my journey, whether I reap the benefits or face the consequences, depends on what I make out of it. No one else is to be blamed should I fail, but myself cos I chose to put my foot on the LDTR path. My ending is in sight, but I still need to cross the bridge. After that, yet another journey begins. maybe an even more challenging one.

But it has been nice to meet some co-travellers on the way, all with similar yet different objectives, parallel yet different paths. Perhaps the only similarity we can claim to have is that our target is a TG, from different walks of life, & heck, even different religion (would u believe that - in Buddhist LOS?). And we are learning to look out for each other, take care of each other. And be there for the afflicted should one of us fall. This tiny little band of co-travellers, I am grateful to have met. It has been a honor to know u all. Pîi Sà Pái sends her loving regards too, and hopes to see u guys (with ur tiraks??) this Christmas?

The LDTR journey has taken on a different dimension now, at least for some of us