My Fillial Daughter

[free]

Originally Posted by thaivisitor

I have no quarrels with someone who supports his in-laws based on his abilities. I mean it's ridiculous to ask someone who earns $2,000 to send 20,000 baht per month to his in laws. No body will look down on him even if he send 5,000 baht per month.

What I have seen is people who comment and criticise the family like "I send 5,000 baht per month. Why should I send more since they use to earn 3,000 baht per month?" or, "they live in the village and does not need much, so sending 3,000 baht is enough".

It appears that such guys are bent on keeping the family in poverty and not wanting them to progress which to me is the wrong attitude.

My 2 baht worth.

I agree with you bro TV. That is the reason why I want to go visit her mother and grandmother to see for myself what their situation is. Only then can my response be appropriate. At this moment of time, I can only appreciate her mother for being "greng jai" and should see her in about 2 weeks tiem. I definitely will be going to Phrae to see the stuff that we have bought - just seeing that piece of paper as proof of ownership not so satisfying leh.

[siamcutey]

Originally Posted by thaivisitor

I have no quarrels with someone who supports his in-laws based on his abilities. I mean it's ridiculous to ask someone who earns $2,000 to send 20,000 baht per month to his in laws. No body will look down on him even if he send 5,000 baht per month.

What I have seen is people who comment and criticise the family like "I send 5,000 baht per month. Why should I send more since they use to earn 3,000 baht per month?" or, "they live in the village and does not need much, so sending 3,000 baht is enough".

It appears that such guys are bent on keeping the family in poverty and not wanting them to progress which to me is the wrong attitude.

My 2 baht worth.

In actual fact, which is very often a sad case, if the guy only earns $2000 a month and the in-laws expect him to send 20K baht monthly and he really can't do that, I would say a high percentage of girls will leave the guy. But then good for the guy cos he knows the girl only wantts more bread. To put it bluntly, not say the girl don't love the man. It's just that she loves money more.

As for sending amount of money as to how much is enough, it varies from different case studies. "I send 5000baht per month and why should I send more when they only use 3000baht a month". And if the case study only need 5000baht, I would say the man is very very very lucky to have such a thrifty wife and in-laws. Many a times, the money involved is much much more than just few thousand baht.

I have seen a few others who actually spend a bigger amount of money building a farm, or opening a provision shop for the family so that they can be self-sufficient rather than just asking for money monthly. Of course, the income earned from farm or shop can only offset a little but at least better than getting the full amount monthly. Also having something to do on hand is better than nothing to do and wasting time away.

Such guys are not bent on keeping the family in poverty. It's just that they do not have a solution to solve the poverty problem. You can give them any amount of money amounting to hundreds of thousands or even millions of baht, but if they do not know how to use the money, as time passes by, money will finish.

Every case study is different, look around the surroundings and they do have some natural resources which can be tapped and maybe even use for commercial purposes. Then hopefully, the guy can breathe easier.

SC

[Bangkok Master]

Just to share my side of story, I would say majority of the family members would expect some sort of assistance if their daughter got hitched with "Tang Chart" (foreigners). I myself also experienced this situation with my gf's mum asking me to buy a piece of land after helping them to build a house. I find it's part of the thai culture and you must control the limit. I would say that no matter it's 3000baht, 10000baht or 50000baht, just give whatever you are comfortable with as if you break the limit the situation likely to happen is that be prepare to fork out more. For me, I usually give my gf about 15kbaht per month regardless how much I earn cos I know that if her parents need assistance, she will definately sound me out.

To those who are thinking to support a tirak, better think thrice before commiting as there will be alot of hidden agenda, the more than meets the eyes@!

[Snuber]

Originally Posted by siamcutey

To put it bluntly, not say the girl don't love the man. It's just that she loves money more.

Perhaps another way to rephrase it is to say that my family is more important. The guy is still young & can tahan hardship, but not her old parents & very young siblings.

[free]

Originally Posted by Bangkok Master

Just to share my side of story, I would say majority of the family members would expect some sort of assistance if their daughter got hitched with "Tang Chart" (foreigners). I myself also experienced this situation with my gf's mum asking me to buy a piece of land after helping them to build a house. I find it's part of the thai culture and you must control the limit. I would say that no matter it's 3000baht, 10000baht or 50000baht, just give whatever you are comfortable with as if you break the limit the situation likely to happen is that be prepare to fork out more. For me, I usually give my gf about 15kbaht per month regardless how much I earn cos I know that if her parents need assistance, she will definately sound me out.

To those who are thinking to support a tirak, better think thrice before commiting as there will be alot of hidden agenda, the more than meets the eyes@!

Guess I can say I am lucky. In my case, I only helped my tirak's mum pay off the last 3 months of her bank loan for their land and home, and only after I had to dig it out of my tirak as I could see she was very stressed during that period but she never told me the issues her mum was facing, and my tirak was no longer able to help her mum unlike previously. There was nothing else after, inspite of my initial fears that they will continue to come. The mum also used her harvest money to put the downpayment for a small bike (they dun have one then), since she no longer need to service the land loan, and she did not ask my tirak and I for that money (which I was actually expecting). She only asked my tirak if she could help out with the monthly installment of 2.5k while the mum continue to see her 2 younger bros thru school. She did not expect my tirak (being the eldest) to support her younger bros and think that it is her job as their mum to do so. I see my tirak constantly making sure that nothing goes out of hand, and so far, it seems that the family is reasonable and care more about my tirak's happiness as they own basic needs are already met.

Yes, I did pay for a piece of land, but it was not meant for the family. Instead it belongs to the 2 of us and is near her granny's land. Since she grew up under the care of her granny, that is home to her, so it makes a lot of sense to me. The paperwork is done and title deeds are in our hands. I took a risk in a sense, and bought the land even though at the time I wasn't sure if I was going to chose her as my only one yet. So now she is the youngest land owner in the whole village and her family is really so proud of her, and it rubs off on me too. It is good to know that her mum and granny actually told her that she must love me and commit to me, as they interprete it as I love her (of course I do).

Actually a good deal cos the seller needs cash desperately (a yabba addict) so I bargain down to 60% of original asking price of 50k. By offerng to pay in 1 lump sum versus all other offers that are in a few monthly installments, I got the deal. Big enough to build a big house and a big big garden, and we will take our time to do it - slowly. We intend to treat it more like a resort. Actually I got more ROI than I expected cos with this purchase, I am now seen as more than just her bf - more accepted as her hubby-to-be, and my commitment and love for her is no longer in doubt. Many of the "cannot do this, cannot do that" originall imposed by family, cos not married yet, is not so restrictive anymore. Even the most respected in her family- her granny is now my supoporter. Her dad, who wanted her to marry his friend's son kena scolded teruk teruk by the granny and mum some more, so he is no longer the obstacle he once was. Also, with mummy and granny now behind me, her eldest "sister" (actually cousin) cannot give us trouble anymore. (this one sometimes I think is anti-men).

Can even by-pass the original planned engagement that we were saving for now, so actually cheaper overall. Plus blessings from family and thus much more freedom as a couple now. Cant wait to see that piece of land the next time I go upcountry. Must visit the granny and see the land then. This time, must see mummy 1st mah so got do just make do with the photos of the place.

Come to think of it, this set of family has much lower expectations & requirements than the city folk family of the gal I once almost married. Heng ah. But, better be prepared for "Accidents".

[siamcutey]

Originally Posted by Snuber

Perhaps another way to rephrase it is to say that my family is more important. The guy is still young & can tahan hardship, but not her old parents & very young siblings.

One thing I realised that when the girl has a small family necleus, the lesser of such family issues. (From the majority i saw)

SC

[siamcutey]

Originally Posted by Bangkok Master

To those who are thinking to support a tirak, better think thrice before commiting as there will be alot of hidden agenda, the more than meets the eyes@!

Wah, still have "hidden agenda". i ever heard of cases where distant relatives hatch agendas to get some money by trying to mortgage lands, deeds which do not belong to them. And surprisingly, sometimes the parents will help their distant relatives out without thinking that whether these people have the means to redeem the land back.

SC

[siamcutey]

Originally Posted by free

Yes, I did pay for a piece of land, but it was not meant for the family. Instead it belongs to the 2 of us

Not trying to sound sarcastic, but ever since I got to know of land ownership issues in Thailand, the land in thailand will never belong to us unless we are thai citizens. Not even Thai PRs have the chance.

Even if one day things don't turn out well, the court will not be like those courts in Singapore where they deemed that the man paid for most of the land and should be awarded a part of the assets.

1 thing is if we buy something for them, even if one day things don't turn out well, you think we can take it back? Just give them. LL suck thumb.

SC

[-Potato-]

Originally Posted by free

Guess I can say I am lucky. In my case, I only helped my tirak's mum pay off the last 3 months of her bank loan for their land and home, and only after I had to dig it out of my tirak as I could see she was very stressed during requirements than the city folk family of the gal I once almost married. Heng ah. But, better be prepared for "Accidents".

Hello khun Free,
dont mind i ask a question,now after so many girl,at the end,which girl you chose??

the university student?
the one with kids?

chok dee..

[free]

Originally Posted by siamcutey

Not trying to sound sarcastic, but ever since I got to know of land ownership issues in Thailand, the land in thailand will never belong to us unless we are thai citizens. Not even Thai PRs have the chance.

Even if one day things don't turn out well, the court will not be like those courts in Singapore where they deemed that the man paid for most of the land and should be awarded a part of the assets.

1 thing is if we buy something for them, even if one day things don't turn out well, you think we can take it back? Just give them. LL suck thumb.

SC

You are 100% correct, and I am under no illusion. The title deed bears her name. Only to the family and of course her, it is ours. But then at only S$1,288 for quite a sizeable piece of land (some more with an old but liveable house on it), I take the risks with open eyes. The cost of the Ku-man rites and accompanying celebrations would have cost me more and give me less benefits. The land is always there to remind her elders. With Ku-man, easy for ppl to forget after all the food and drinks are gone. Only left with 2 of us to remind ourselves.

BTW, here in SG, with S$1,288, I can only buy a Treo 650 smartphone today!

On a longer term basis, if things go according to my long term plan, I may be a Thai citizen one day. But that will be quite some time from now

[free]

Originally Posted by -Potato-

Hello khun Free,
dont mind i ask a question,now after so many girl,at the end,which girl you chose??

the university student?
the one with kids?

chok dee..

คุณ (Kun) Potato. ขอบ คุณ มาก นะ คัรบ ฟริ ตอนนี้ เลือก ได้ แล้ว คิด ว่า โชคดี จัง เลย (Kop kun maak na krap. Free dton-nee leuak daai liao, kit waa chok-dee jang leuay ).

To answer your question, I chose neither of the above. It's someone else whom I think by the typical SG way of thinking (economics or looks considerations), would not have been chosen, cos she would NOT stand a chance based on those criteria.

Yes, I have chosen my princess, My True Love. Some one once told me, "When a Thai woman loves a man, she really loves with all her heart". I know, for I am experiencing just that.

My Film, I am choosing you, even though you may be the least pretty of the 4 who had love me, the least educated and had the worst past. But the past is over and will not count for the future, even though it does affect the present a little. Even though you may be the youngest in terms of age, you have shown me that you are truly matured way beyond your years. Your years of hard times must have molded you. The School of Life surely has given you your share of hard knocks.

Why do I chose you? Not simply cos you love me, as all 4 of you love me, and maybe just as much (perhaps with the exception of the 4th cos of the short time I had spent). It is the unselfish way you love me, and the way you would consider my needs/desires in almost everything you do. You really learnt from that ONE mistake when you almost lost me due to gross neglegience cos you listened to your sister who dun like SG men for whatever stupid reasons and tried to apply them to you. You knew that had started my meeting with others, but you had worked so hard to convince me that you really are sorry for your mistake. Well, you have won me over yet again. I am glad it is now behind us......

Now to do what we need together to get to our destination. Hopefully one day, I will be able to share something similar to what Bro Walao did.

[Bangkok Master]

Originally Posted by free

On a longer term basis, if things go according to my long term plan, I may be a Thai citizen one day. But that will be quite some time from now

I'm glad that you have a long term plan but being a thai citizen, I seriously think that it's too much a risk to forgo your Sg citizenship cos you can just get the PR status without giving up the Sg citizenship. I also thought about it before like you before I took the risk to stay in Bangkok. But after 8 months here I realise not matter how comfortable am I in Thailand, I'm still a foreigner. I spoke to lotsa of "Farangs" who had been staying in Thailand for ages and at least half of them are contemplating to go home. All of them mention that although life here is good but majority fears that there will be some changes in the immigration rules coming soon after elections.

I myself is currently on a work permit status but I had thought of buying a permanent resident status through a lawyer whose brother is the police chief. But I'm still very cautious about that due to the fact I had yet to find a long term meal ticket cos if you go jobless here, it's the same back in Sg. I would say staying in Bangkok had totally change my personality cos I never thought that I could adapt to the thai living style.

[Bangkok Master]

Originally Posted by siamcutey

Wah, still have "hidden agenda". i ever heard of cases where distant relatives hatch agendas to get some money by trying to mortgage lands, deeds which do not belong to them. And surprisingly, sometimes the parents will help their distant relatives out without thinking that whether these people have the means to redeem the land back.

SC

My gf also bought a piece of land without getting the owner to transfer the deed before cos she trust the buyer which happen to be the uncle. But after I knew it, I told her quickly to do the transfer cos you might not know what will happen. Later then I knew the "real reason" was to save the 10000baht administration charge. I guess most of the provincial ppl are too ignorant to know the consequences unlike the Bangkokians.

[free]

Originally Posted by Bangkok Master

My gf also bought a piece of land without getting the owner to transfer the deed before cos she trust the buyer which happen to be the uncle. But after I knew it, I told her quickly to do the transfer cos you might not know what will happen. Later then I knew the "real reason" was to save the 10000baht administration charge. I guess most of the provincial ppl are too ignorant to know the consequences unlike the Bangkokians.

This one my tirak more "geng" and we agree that better do everything properly, since she is old enough to own the land. Not considering any uncle or aunty or anyone else. She dun think her extended family is worth the risk. But we paid 4000 Baht for the admin charges. Why the difference?

Anyway to answer your other post, I will consider citizenship if ultimately, my biz is there, my source of income it from there, and if I come back here, I am actually jobless. Here in SG, no income can't even go eat grass leh. Sure kena fined.

[Bangkok Master]

[QUOTE=free] But we paid 4000 Baht for the admin charges. Why the difference?
QUOTE]

I also dun know why the admin charge so expensive but all I know is that all those government officials are damm bloody corrupted. I just kanna last week trying to get a thai driving license after got caught by the traffic police. The guy in the Phra Kanong office told me to put 300baht into the application form for submission so to increase the speed to process. KNN, actually I wanted to fuck him off, but luckily I realise just in time that I was in Thailand, LL have to pay him comission.