the 3 that changed me

[kittymae]

This post is really to fulfill a request made by someone...keeping to my word.
Continuation from post Ian days...

------------

Post Ian days were hard to get by.
There were always times I'd find myself on verge of tears, acutely feeling that emptiness, and being alone.
Perhaps I should have gone out with friends to get my mind of it. But honestly, it would be more tiring keeping up an act of nonchalance, if not to plaster a smile on my face.
Whatever it is, I chose to shy from 'society' and immerse myself in a fictional world where happy endings were a possibility. Girls always are suckers for happy endings.
Magazines, novels-fiction & non-fiction both, comics, stories in this forum, I devoured all of them.
And sometimes, reading stories in this forum, u can't help but leave a comment/PM, and even drawn to start ur own thread, thus being the recipient of comments & PMs Urself.

That was how I met T.
Yes, the same T I mentioned in passing in recent posts.
Of cos I had gotten myself acquainted with others as well in my short time here, some on a deeper level than others. T being one of those I thought belonged to the latter category.
We progressed from PMs to using chat apps to communicate.

Interestingly, the first time we chatted using the chat app, would be the day we would meet.

TBC (yes, the wave of speculation may now begin)

[casa2011]

Don't worry kitty, the end marks the start of a new beginning. All the best

[verytired]

Wait a second.... I was ready too fast last nite might have missed that part amidst 20+ pages. The mr.T saga u r bout to write happens AFTER u posted the story bout K, E & I?

Woah. Real time drama. Great!

[kittymae]

I wondered if it was just me thinking that we clicked pretty well, having been encouraged by the conversation flow and the stuff we talked about.
Somehow, our chat progressed to us talking about meeting up, even though we had only just started talking over the chat app on the same day.
What T was thinking, I can never be sure. But at the very least, face to face conversation was always better, as it carried the human touch and left less room for misunderstanding as online communication always brings.
Fearful as I was, I had to take the first step into opening my heart again, not to let someone in romantically (I wasn't ready, things with Ian having ended only barely 2 months ago) but platonic, surely I could try? T was reluctant initially, and rightly so, given how he was facing similar issues currently just cos he took a similar gamble as I was taking.
Eventually, we decided to meet. T pull come over to my place.

Around midnight, T arrived, dressed simply & comfortably.
There was perhaps an initial awkward period.
As with Ian, I led him to my room, for privacy reasons, and really cos we had agreed, perhaps it would be fine if we just cuddled. Harmless wasn't it? ( I sense some snickers & knowing nods ard). But honestly, we did indeed chat for quite abit. While I was sitting on my bed, T remained seated on the stool. He did not make any improper advances or suggestions. I probably wasn't attractive enough to make him want to do anything.

As it neared 1am, I got sleepy. I had to work tmr as well. Told T I needed to sleep.
Would he like to settle on e floor? Haha or join me on the bed.
I might have sound forward but I was nervous inside, half expecting a rejection any time.
Surprisingly, T would join me on the bed. He began undressing, placing his clothes aside so not to get them creased & climbed in wearing only his boxers. I as usual, removed my bra for bedtime.
We really did just cuddle together. For awhile.
Until T brought to my attention where his hand was placed ( by virtue of my holding his arm) the V between my legs. I was suitably embarrassed. But I acted nonchalant and as if it was my attention all along. One thing led to another and I was soon stroking his hardness- he was e largest I'd seen and touched thus far, and would soon be the largest I'd have taken into me.
My rule still stood though- no kissing on the mouth.
The other problem- T wasn't prepared w any protection, and I was aware by his own admission he had quite an extensive sexual history.
What was my decision? Do it raw? With someone I'd really just met the first time?
What was the degree of trust that he was clean? Perhaps he had that concern too. For T did ask if he should run down to grab a pack of cdms.
I decided. Heck the cdms. Just do it.
And that was how my relationship with T started then.

That night, we probably did it twice, with him cumming on my stomach both times.
There was also a certain thrill factor having people around in the house later, having to stifle the moans of pleasure,he elicited from me. Certainly, his experience showed and I began to wonder would I ever adjust back to someone who wasn't as big as him? Ian wasn't, and certainly not Ethan. The greatest thrill was getting him out of the house,the next morning. It also convinced both of us, perhaps, the next time, if it happened, we should consider an alternative location.

The opportunity soon presented itself.

[Sen5eS]

Originally Posted by kittymae

For T did ask if he should run down to grab a pack of cdms.
I decided. Heck the cdms. Just do it.
And that was how my relationship with T started then.

The phrase "RAW is WAR" applies hmmm ... well ... you have 9 lives to spare ... clean or not is 1 thing ... you don't want 2 end up with a bun in the oven

[kittymae]

On and off through the work day, we maintained intermittent contact.
We teased each other, at time plain teasing, others, it perhaps held some sexual connotations.
Whatever it was, it led to us planning to meet up again that evening for a short tryst. We settled upon a hotel in the east side.

I actually felt somewhat shy when meeting T again. Why should I be after what we did right?
But somehow, it's just a female thing. Especially when that person isn't your husband, nor ur bf. Heck, I didn't even know if T even saw me as a friend. If he did, he certainly didn't show it. Evidently, I seemed to be just another girl he would sleep with, and then forget. The upside was, T could be assured of no emotional attachment- I wouldn't expect him to commit to a relationship for example, nor make demands or expectations of him. In fact, I hardly think I did...
I was also relatively confident of not falling for T romantically, because, my heart was still tethered to Ian. It would take time, or a more exceptional man than Ian to displace that feeling.
And besides even if that did happen, I doubted I would ever love again. I have lost my trust and my faith in love. Even a platonic relationship brought me great apprehension.

Back to the main story.
While I felt shy, E was seemed used to this, stripping rather quickly (IMO) and heading to shower.
I slowly unzipped my dress and unclasped my bra and removed my panties...
From then, everything that happened became blurred to me.
All I can remember is T torturing me, more than he did the night before.
Pain and pleasure became blurred as he thrust into me. I should have stopped him. I really should have. But I put on my mask, played the "it's ok" card.
In my mind, I felt T was projecting the image of someone else onto me and imagining having his way with her. Many times I cried out, sometimes of pain, sometimes of pleasure. I wasn't thinking clearly..I couldn't. And to my horror, I felt tears forming in my eyes...
To many, I may be silly to bear this all, but something in me stopped me. If I stopped T, I felt even if we were to sleep together again, which I would want to, it would still happen again.
So I let myself be used roughly...
Maybe T will regret, and feel sorry if he finds out how I truly felt, but it's really my choice to bear it. It was my body. He hardly had any inkling on how I felt...
How hard he worked, was evident from the amount of sweat on him....soaking the sheets with it.
This...went on for quite awhile before he finally came, and this time, into my mouth...

It wasn't all pain though. There was fun.
I managed to put aside the rough sex we had, though I was sore, and still too him in me in the shower.
Perhaps having let off all the pent up frustrations, the energy, as he dogged me in the shower, it felt good. Really good, being able to feel him properly moving in & out of me.
This time, he came rather quickly, to my surprise.
A far contrast from what happened on the bed.
There was a little play going on in the bath at the same time...but which I shall keep mum about. Only that it was gratifying to find a pleasure spot of his that made him squirm. Quite by accident too.
But our time was up, and we needed to check out.

I left with mixed emotions and thought.
Feeling sore after having been used roughly aside, T also proved he could slowly tantalize his partner. He had more than adequate skills to make me moan squirm and want more.
But could my body take this punishment again? I doubted it. After all, I could count the number of times I'd had sex with a single hand (not including Ian). I would be scarred if it happened again.
I had to find a way to change that. Free T's mind...
To do so, I might have to lead by example. To bring down the defenses I instilled in my heart, and try to,trust in that a genuine soul would triumph, and the reward would be a friend. One who, could appreciate, and also accept me.

Could I change T before I broke down myself?

Tbc

[kittymae]

Originally Posted by Sen5eS

The phrase "RAW is WAR" applies

Don't get too excited too soon.
As with my luck always, things always turn out not as u expect.

[Sen5eS]

nothing exciting but Just a red flag that I felt needed to b raised

[kittymae]

Reaching home and heading to toilet, I was shocked to find blood on my panty liner ( thanks goodness for that else it would have soaked through my panties and dress) and not just a small patch. In fact, 3/4 of it was stained.
Was it too rough earlier? Dd something tear?
It couldn't be my period as it just ended. The blood was too fresh too.
I had to let T know. At the same time I was becoming increasingly bothered by his aggressiveness. Through his account of his past encounters, he didn't seem the kind to engage in rough sex. Perhaps it was the period of drought that brought that animalistic side of him out- that was the excuse I sort of conveniently provided- as compared to the alternative I didn't want-that he projected the image of someone else onto me.. It would be crushing to be treated like a substitute. Even if it was only physical.
Playing it down a little to not worry him, said perhaps it was from my period which just sort of ended...secretly I was concerned too. Decided to google for some information and perhaps, see the doctor if needed.

T did check on how i was the following day. Just told him had spotting, when really, it wasn't much different from the previous night (it would however, improve by Thursday morning with scarce spotting.
Through those 2 days however, I focused on helping T in the other aspect- trying to find a solution for his situation. When push came to shove, I realized that I had to take drastic measures and do what I dread most- engage in mental combat.
I am not a fan of mind games. I don't play them, cos I feel and I know that sincerity and truth will triumph. But many guys I know, fall prey easily to such tricks employed by girls. Not just bros here, but also my own personal friends, and as even as early as from JC!
If I were to break the mind games employed by the opponent, it would mean me having to dig inside me, for all the raw emotions and thought to make it as real as possible. To put myself in the opponents shoes to pre-empt and envision the next move and rationale. I wasn't sure my emotional state was ready. What if I fell...?
I took a gamble, believing in Ian's words to me, and how my heart is anchored to him.

Torture was what T called it.
Putting him through emotional and mental duress. Not once, but twice in the span of 48 hours.
Intensive, but needed to get T back on track. I'm happy to report that perhaps it worked, and maybe, helped close up some of the open scars he had in his heart.
Naturally, T say he would pay me back.
I involuntarily shivered. The experience of that night was still imprinted in my mind,
I was afraid. Truly.
But I also knew, to reject him could spell the start of a new problem...
At the very least, I never wanted him to be or feel rejection for who he was, what he had done.
T assured he would not be rough...
An implicit trust made me say yes. So far, he hadn't tested that trust. And if I wanted the equal for him, I couldn't give less.
We arranged to meet. This time for an overnight stay.

Tbc

[kittymae]

Originally Posted by Sen5eS

nothing exciting but Just a red flag that I felt needed to b raised

U raised the wrong red flag.
This story will end tonight. So stay tuned.

[Sen5eS]

sorry will keep camping for the rest of the story to unfold then

[kittymae]

The decision was difficult, but would turn out to be a good one.

T had prepared protection this time, although initially I wondered why- we had been doing it raw anyway. Even if he did cap himself, he removed it later. I would be glad later that he did.

Stepping into the room. I was again overtaken by the sense of shyness. I always am. I needed time to warm up perhaps. I am a 'cold' person after all. T as usual was quick to undress, and I admired his body. It wasn't just his tool that was impressive. But I liked the way his arms are sculptured for some inexplicable reason. T may complain about his bod, but I think it's fine as it is. A lot of girls would rather hug a softer body that a pack of stiff abs.
And he wasn't the smooth and soft kind- 'nuah' in other words. Rather, his physique belongs to the firmer- those who did work out abit)with some body hair. My special weakness, as with Ian, was that trail from the naval down south. I think it's quite hot actually.

Nude, T came over and hugged me, caressing my body while I was still dressed.
My intention was for him to undress me, which he did, sliding his hand under my top, over my back, and my butt, before he proceeded to unhook my bra and remove both my bra and top.
He worked his magic with his mouth of cos, turning me on...

Remembering the fun we had in the bath the previous time, we both were eager to proceed to the next stage. I undressed completely and joined him in the shower.
Shower time is always fun with him. And it was especially nice putting him between the V of my legs, holding him there as we washed each other.
And I forgot if it was then or later in bed, then I broke my own rule- I kissed him, on the mouth.
It probably surprised him. He wasn't expecting something like that to happen.
For me, it was nice to kiss someone again. It added to the whole experience.
And a part of me also was still trying to show T hopefully how a kiss could bring closeness...I doubt I achieved the effect I was looking for. But I tried.

Moving to the bed, T was true to his word. He took his time in ensuring sufficient foreplay, leaving me at the mercy of his skillful tongue, as he worked his way down, leaving me squirming in pleasure. He was gentler, and I appreciated every bit of that effort. A girl always appreciates it,when a guy take his time to slowly tease her and pleasure her... And she will reciprocate, as I did she. It was my turn with him.
I think it was the longest bj I'd ever given and I really enjoyed every moment of it even tho he didn't cum- he has frightful mind power... For one, and I'm embarrassed to say...he was quite yummy.
And secondly, it,was as if he were issuing me a challenge on who could last longer.
I gave in.
I wanted T in me badly. He would later say I'm addicted to his cock. Yah, maybe I am.

T began easing himself into me in the missionary position. As always, it hurt during entry. I grimaced a bit. Endure it, for better things to come. But T was taking such care, I needn't have to worry, long slow strokes made me moan in pleasure. He did really pick up on what I liked.
Sometimes he moved a little faster, but would take care that he wasn't hurting me either.
I loved it best, when I lay on my stomach, and he'd slide into me, while my legs were closed together...
Being on top tho, is something I'd need to learn...I've never quite grasp how to move and keep my balance at the same time. Perhaps I was terrible at balance.

I didn't want to be the only one being pleasured. As we shifted back to our usual position, I recalled what I read about using using our p.muscles to make it feel tighter...I did that, and T suddenly remarked "why u suddenly feel tighter" Lols
I teased him saying too tight, he complain, make it tighter so it feels better for him he also got things to say...hard to please. It was all in jest of cos, as I knew he wasn't serious.
As he was close, he withdrew and came in my mouth...this time I saved some of his own cum for him when we kissed after that... All cos he said he thought I was going to give it back to him e last time I did that.

We hit the showers again...and I think something about the shower just turns both of us on...
I always enjoyed him dogging me ...and even more while standing up... I'm not sure,was it a shower thing or it felt especially good for him, he came again soon after.
The rest of the night.. We did try to go again but I was just too sore...
So we cuddled, talked abit, and... I found another weakness of his.
In his words, he was worse,than putty in my hands when I did that.
Thank you. It made me feel happy I had pleasured u like that...and I fell asleep,soon, holding him..

In the morning, we dragged ourselves unwillingly out of bed- more sleep pls.
But somehow, the prospect of shower time seemed to provide sufficient motivation.. And no prizes for,guessing what happened next. :/
After all that, it,was quite amusing to hear him say to reject him the next time. He was shagged out- too much sex.

That was the last time I met T. 3 days ago.
Since then much has happened. I doubt we would meet up again.

Perhaps it's my fault, for,thinking that sex aside, we could be genuine friends, and taking away the online persona; while all he was ready to offer was being a fb? Remaining as online friends?

I dunno. But I'm sure he will be reading this post. I gave my word to write abt it. And I'll keep to it.

Where I'd go from here, I have no idea.
The night perhaps is,still young now, perhaps I'll wander ard like the lost kitty I am. Or perhaps...have I run out of my 9 lives?

[drslump99]

Originally Posted by kittymae

The decision was difficult, but would turn out to be a good one.

Where I'd go from here, I have no idea.
The night perhaps is,still young now, perhaps I'll wander ard like the lost kitty I am. Or perhaps...have I run out of my 9 lives?

The nite indeed is still young.
I am freezing my butt off over here ...... Buy you a drink if u r any where close.
But since by the time u get here, I might be on my way back ... So I guess my offer seems useless ...
Well, guess I just saved a few more bucks .....


Oh my! Winter is not what I remember. It has gotten so much colder.
If u dun like Garfield, there's always Heathcliff, Felix, Tom and Doraemon ... No?
What tat bout Tom Cruise?

[efftee]

Mmmm... I guess it's always expectation that kills everything.

I had a similar story starting.. Met someone from here, progressed along and before you know it, things happened *smile* The difference is probably that while it was a one off thing, I still meet her once in a while, but hasn't hit the sack since that once.

I guess sometimes you can't control what life gives you, and if it gives you something good, just enjoy it while it lasts. Enjoy it while waiting for something more lasting to swing by.

I don't think I've said it earlier in this thread, but I appreciate the ladies sharing their point of view of their experiences, and that means you *wink*

[queeniegal]

Past relationship hurts but I feel u shd love yourself more.

Guys like to purse if things come to easy they will take for granted.

Guess nt for guys as in human are like that.. Sigh