my affair with my sis in law

[wolf2305]

knowing it is difficult to control the feelings, however you have to get yourself sometime to think. Seriously thinking is needed when you are on a crossroad. If you think that this person is what you want, then place yourself 1 year ahead and see where you are. If 1 year is not enough, use 3 years, 5 years.

Seriously, when come to this type of timeline, you will not want to think, and will give in to your feelings. Always remember, we are given one big brain, use it! My two cents worth.

[loneyheart]

Originally Posted by seowlang

Hi loneyheart,

I appreciate your msg and how what i have experience is prolly just another story that has happened time and again. well, i agree with u.



i felt i have let everyone down.. but dying would made it even worst. i had to live.
hmm.. that was what was going through my mind at the multi storey carpark that night.
dont worry, i dont have suicide thoughts anymore.


anyway, i hope this is not turning into a "chicken soup for the broken hearts" lol

cheers

Bro glad tat u still consious n know where u stand ....as a man tat hold yr responsibilities
Yr character r quite similar to mine

R u born in t year of Dragon n month of Gemini .... I was a perfectionist when I was young ... now learn to let go n take it easy in life
There is no such thing as fair n unfair ... life is simple ...take it easy my bro

[jacob622]

what happen after that???
plz continue as soon as possible as am waiting for your replay....

[jacob622]

what happen after that ???
plz continue as possible as!!!!

[FarAway]

Many a times before we do things, we already know we should or should not. But at the spur of the moment, we sometimes do differently.. and it's only on hindsight that we either regret/make peace with our decision. Then again, haha our final verdict will always depend on the eventual outcome..

[Cunt-Sucker]

Originally Posted by seowlang

thanks. i think im moving along pretty well, ever since i shared this story. i wont lie to say i have fully recovered. i guess a part of me died.. seriously.

before J, i was always the life of parties/gatherings. the one also making the jokes and teasing everyone in the group. but since J and i ended, i mellowed down alot. to the extend that a friend whom i havent seen for a long time noticed that i have quietened down alot. i guess its inevitable.

anyway, there were some request for me to reveal how is J and my life after the breakup, esp when we meet. i will go into that when i have some time.

cheers
sl

Dear Bro Seowlang,

Thanks for sharing such an intimate experience; I guess you somehow managed to arouse bits & pieces of a lot of bros' memories & experiences, and that's why most of us are able to empathize what you've gone through ...

Would love to hear from you that things are indeed getting better for the 2 of you, in particular for J. Chances are most of us would have been in the same boat had we been put under similar circumstances ...

Take care, and if the opportunity arises in future, and I believe I'm saying this on behalf of most of the bros here, do send our best regards to J (while you're pouring out your secrets and gaining our support here, I'm sure most of us feel for her for bottling up all the pains and aches by herself, having no one else to confine to (especially NOT to her mum & sis!). So I can imagine her "surprise" if you were to tell her, maybe 5 years down the road, when things are returning to normal BIL & SIL status, that she had actually gotten a lot of supporters from Sammyboy, who, despite not meeting / knowing her personally, would have still wished her a happy and blessed future ahead! )

[seowlang]

thanks for the messages. by the way, im born in the year of the horse and my zodiac sign is cancer. not really into these things but who is compatible and who is not? =)


Anyway, something really interesting happened last night. i was out drinking with the boys and came back before 1am. my wife was still awake and told me not to make any plans this sat. dinner at my inlaw's place has been changed from fri to sat. i asked her why and she told me J is bringing a friend.

A FRIEND?!

i asked if its her boyfriend and she said dont know but think most likely. so, im gonna be meeting J's 'friend' this sat. my initial reaction was one that is more of being excited mixed with some happiness that she has a date/bf/partner or whatever it is. on the other hand, there is this strange feeling.. i just dont know what this strange feeling is the entire night..

this morning i woke up and realised what it is.. it was a little bit of jealousy. i know its shouldnt be this way but.. cant help it.. guess im not as magnanimous as i thought i am.. quite dissappointed with myself for having such a feeling actually.

[hardcoremayhem]

i guess that you had fallen in love with your SIL.

The first step of recovery is, usually, to admit and face certain facts and then, once the issue is identified; one can move on thereafter.

imho, TS, i think that she had already taken the first step to mend a broken heart and the next move would be yours. Psych yourself to be your "normal" self when you meet up with her new partner. I believe that she will be more at ease and will revert back to kind when she sees and senses that in you.

simplify matters by internalising the entire situation as a break up with a partner and things should fall into place. Yes, i know that it may be an oversimplification but hey, sometimes, the simple solution is the only solution.

PS. i know how you feel. I feel that way when an ex of mine tells me of her current partners but i rationalise it as just my ego not being able to take it.

[seowlang]

Originally Posted by hardcoremayhem

The first step of recovery is, usually, to admit and face certain facts and then, once the issue is identified; one can move on thereafter.

simplify matters by internalising the entire situation as a break up with a partner and things should fall into place. Yes, i know that it may be an oversimplification but hey, sometimes, the simple solution is the only solution.

PS. i know how you feel. I feel that way when an ex of mine tells me of her current partners but i rationalise it as just my ego not being able to take it.

Hey hardcoremayhem,

thanks for your quick reply. really wanted to hear from another person badly.

i had already admitted and faced all the facts. some bros here even made some statements which make perfect sense to this numbed skull of mine. i thought i was moving along fine. or so i thought..


you reckon its my ego in the works?


A confused and affected Seowlang

[gottosam]

Bro sl, we r humans after all with emotions. I suppose if J and this friend were to progress further and u could give them your blessings, it's part of moving on and u dun have to be so hard on yourself.

[andythai]

time will let your mind be at peace, maybe u should find a distraction to keep yr focus on rather than on your SIL.

[Cunt-Sucker]

Originally Posted by seowlang

Hey hardcoremayhem,

thanks for your quick reply. really wanted to hear from another person badly.

i had already admitted and faced all the facts. some bros here even made some statements which make perfect sense to this numbed skull of mine. i thought i was moving along fine. or so i thought..


you reckon its my ego in the works?


A confused and affected Seowlang

Bro,

As much as I admit that you'll have to deal with your jealousy issue, you may also wanna get your wife & MIL to assist in an unbiased assessment of J's friend. For some reason, having read her email to you, and judging from what you guys had gone through, I reckon she's just determined to "prove" to you that she's completely let go, that she's fine, and that she's moving on well with her life without you... I don't think she's deliberately trying to spite you; rather, she's hoping to reassure you and let you move on with your life with your wife & career too. Remember that she admitted to lying to you earlier just so to reassure you that everything was fine?

Having said that, I don't think it's good for you to express extraordinary interest in her "friend". On your part, you'll just have to learn to live with the jealousy and hope that, by deliberately reducing personal contact / concerns over her, time may help heal the hurt in the 2 of you. But you'll have to tactfully remind your MIL & wifey to seriously take note of J's friend, so as to ensure that she's not going down the worst path of numbing herself by offering herself to any Tom Dick or Harry!

Take care, & we'll always be here to offer our 2 cents worth for your considerations.

[seowlang]

this is the final instalment that will bridge what happened after the breakup till now.

4 following Fridays after that faithful saturday, J did not join in the weekly dinner. i was really hoping to see her. she wasnt online as well and i believe i was blocked from her msn.

On a friday one month later, J finally decided to join in the dinner. i was really glad to see her but was filled with so much emotions again. she ignored me completely.. throughout the entire 3 hours, she did not make a single small talk with me even. i didnt want to initiate as well. i tried many times to catch her eyes, but she intentionally avoided it. throughout the entire dinner, she didnt speak much.. only at times to her sis and mum. i was like a transparent piece of material. i felt helpless but.. what can i do?

Dinners went on for another 1-2 mths being the same. however, smiles were slowly returning to J's face. she was laughing abit with her sis and mum. at times, she even started little jokes here and there. i tried my best to engage her in conversations, but to no avail.

as mentioned previously, i was hitting the pubs alone and drinking everyday for 4-5 months. i slowly brought myself back to life but diving hard into my work. it paid dividends and 3 months ago, i was ear marked as one of only two persons to be promoted to higher levels. i was climbing up the ladder in a ranked and filed world.. but i was still rather pleased with myself in terms of career.

i was also beginning to be more comfortable with friends around for drinks. life was slowly going back to where it was before J. however, quite often, i find the urge to be alone with my thoughts as i couldnt really forget J. until i started this thread last month.. and the rest, as they say, is history..

so there u go.. i have taken 1 over month to update all these and also to bring u back to present day 14 Sep 2011.

i dont know what is ahead of me.. i thought i was moving along fine.. till this dinner thingy this sat. i will update u all after the dinner if i can. im suddenly a little jittery and uneasy again..

yours truely,
sl

PS out of a meeting now and back in afternoon.. hope to hear from u guys.. cheers

[seowlang]

going out for a meeting now and back in afternoon.. hope to hear from u guys..

cheers
sl

[ufolanded]

Originally Posted by seowlang

going out for a meeting now and back in afternoon.. hope to hear from u guys..

cheers
sl

Good luck