A painful decision

[porscheclub]

Originally Posted by cablesnwires

Dear bro porscheclub,

You need to be very clear. Your grounds for divorce is not strong. Let me ask you this: If this lady did not appear in your life, would you still proceed with the divorce? No?

To be frank, may not now but possibly later. She's the catalyst & I told her I'm prepared to lose both. The marriage life has no sex & inter-family relationship is not @ it's best since day one. The in-laws can't see eye to eye as usual. The only thing that kept me going was when I look @ my kids jumping happily before me when I'm home.

[pussyjuicy]

Bro TS, do think carefully, sometimes the patch of grass may look green but after a period of time, the color will fade. That's life which we are in, we have everything in life now but somehow still not contented.

[HCKing]

Originally Posted by porscheclub

To be frank, may not now but possibly later. She's the catalyst & I told her I'm prepared to lose both. The marriage life has no sex & inter-family relationship is not @ it's best since day one. The in-laws can't see eye to eye as usual. The only thing that kept me going was when I look @ my kids jumping happily before me when I'm home.

tis section getting more n more fun, day in day out c alot of so called KC lao jiao/guru/expert/master busy giving their 2 ct. problem is, will all these diff voices just make the TS more blur?

frm the way i look at it TS u r just bored with all the responsibilities of routine marriage life and wants to take a break lah. not to pour cold water to yr new found love but i can tell u it's all the same no matter wat girl u settle down with the honeymoon part will ends in no time and all the responsibilities shit will come back again.

like wat colin says the important thing 4 u is to ask yrself wat u really want in life lah.

my 2 ct.

[cablesnwires]

Originally Posted by porscheclub

.....

The only thing that kept me going was when I look @ my kids jumping happily before me when I'm home.

I know, that kind of feeling is priceless, especially when you hear their little voices said "I miss you daddy...."

[bhoven]

Originally Posted by porscheclub

To be frank, may not now but possibly later. She's the catalyst & I told her I'm prepared to lose both. The marriage life has no sex & inter-family relationship is not @ it's best since day one. The in-laws can't see eye to eye as usual. The only thing that kept me going was when I look @ my kids jumping happily before me when I'm home.

My guess is that you did not have much time to play the field earlier cos you were concentrating on your career. Probably your wife may have been your first serious gf. At the same time, the kids came early in the marriage and your wife was busy being mom and also looking after the home...so you both drifted apart. Do not be too concerned about the in-laws...both you and your wife have a right to live the life you want...In this scenario when a syt comes along and pampers you, it is easy to fall in love all over again. Since your married sex life was too routine, the passion with your new gf would have been very refreshing and caused you regret that you did not experienced the same when in your earlier married life. Trust me, the feeling will soon wear off and you will soon not be on cloud nine. Not that I think your new gf is insincere but she may not now realise that being a second wife and foster mother is no easy task. Before long she will yearn to have her own children and to lead a normal married life...not that of a mistress. This is when you find that things will really get complicated especially since you are so attached to your children now. Think carefully before you decide...the future continued happiness of a few human beings are in your hands...

Apologies for playing amateur psychologist...forgive me if my various assumptions were way out.

[porscheclub]

Originally Posted by bhoven

Apologies for playing amateur psychologist...forgive me if my various assumptions were way out.

No sir, please do.

Actually, the mistress wants marriage & children, to give me what i would lose & also be foster mum over weekends.

I'm quite terrible. The wife is definitely not the first love & I had "bao" KTV gals some 7/8yrs ago. But when I got married, left all of em for good. Actually, I had an acct with SBF in 02/3 but lost the details.

[flowerpot]

bro porscheclub,

so your decision is made? u have choosen the 2nd one???

im in the same situation as you, with this gf for 18 months,
frankly speaking, i used to love my wife before she appear in my life...

but this lady knows how to make a man feel like a man. not in term of sex...
like you, she is also not a WL nor FL.
like you, sex is not what i need from her....

my marriage has been on the rock since her appearence, til now, i still have not make any decision...

for choosing my wife and child, i know i will regret giving up such a wonderful lady...

for choosing her, its really hard for me to abandon my child...

truthfully, its my child that is holding my wife and me back...
but i know my wife is also undergoing unbearable torture, since my heart is not with her anymore... but for the sake of our child, she is still waiting for me to make a decision.....

I have been avoiding her, my wife..... going home late everyday, like 3-4am, and wake up after she left for work.....

What should I do????? I am Loss too.............. Help me... can i follow your decision????

[colins]

Originally Posted by porscheclub

Wow this has to be best post! Do we actually know what we want in life?

I have never stopped to think about this.

Incidentally, I love U2's I still haven't found what I've been looking for.

One of the most common attitudes we apply to life is to seek a chance to start anew. Your postings are very clear, and I see that now you will never let go of this other woman. Your problem is with your inner self (i.e. to be a 'bad' guy but yet finding a way to reconcile with yourself that you are indeed, not a 'bad' person). You know that facts will show otherwise (that you are indeed 'bad') cos your children appeals to your conscience. If you have no children, you would not feel the contrast between having to hurt an innocent party and to fulfil your own selfish needs.

For any other guys, I would tell them, dun try ways to lie to yourself. If bad, means bad, they will be proven cos your family will suffer. Dun need to find ways to tell yourself that they will not suffer having only a weekend daddy and not a complete family.

But for you bro, ask yourself are you applying this attitude to always wanting to start afresh and from there, try to undo your perceived wrong doings to your ex-family. All making up action and redemption will never be sufficient to cover what you cannot give in the past. Accept that as a fact. Accept that as a price to pay in order go with this new woman. In all your postings, you haven't say the problem in your current family. That is a prove that you do not really want to solve them but want to hide them into your inner closet. You believe that one day when you are free and stronger (becos of the new found lifestyle you want), you will take a little out from this closet and try to make it up. You also believe this is a plausible solution after picking your most likely choice. This is 逃避, again said many times over in this thread.

But bro, how many things are already in your inner closet? How many things in our lives that we can run away from and prepared to run away from? Solve your marriage problems first. For all your know, it might be just somewhere in time somebody said some wrong words which started some avalanche of uncertainty. That is how weak we humans are if we dun know what we want in life. We look into very small things, make big decisions that have unimportant objectives, get upset over things least on our priority list, when we dun know what the fuck we are living for. If we dun know that, we are forever stuck within this cycle of bad decisions and redemption. We dun even know what is right and what is wrong.

Nobody gives you an SOP for life and you can never tender a resignation or wind up the business. Life is one big task that will only end at our death bed. No such thing as starting afresh without having history. If its time to pass judgements, do it. Face it. Then it will not trouble you ever again. This is how you can take judgements from people, esp when your children grow up and see you, assess you, compare you from an adult standpoint. If they see you as a heartless cad willing to give up a family, so be it. If they see you as a good loving father who sacrificed his real love to be that kind of father, dun be too happy. In life, nobody will give you all the clappings you deserve, cos there is no such thing as a richly deserved reward. You will always get the short end if you only want to be recognised as a good husband or father. Nobody recognises you cos its your bloody role in the first place. You dun want that role, drop it. You still want the role, take it fully. After that, no complain and no compliment will sway you.

What more can you give your children? What more can you give your wife? What more can you give your girlfriend? Isn't this what you have in mind cos there is only one you? So many roles to play, are there room for happiness for yourself? There is one common thing in all these roles, think about it.

[demonhunter]

Ask Yourself this question ... Did you liked growing up without a father ???
yes you may still be around on weekends ...but its like growing up without a mother on weekends then ....You should know the feeling better than anyone else .

You took the oath ...for better or for WORSE .How bad could it be ??? she may not be young and sexy anymore but thats the result she got from giving you your pride and joy , YOUR KIDS .

She gave you something ,why fuck up her life ??? i guess shes not young anymore.... what has she done to deserve this >???? Just because the companion of a SYT feels good ? then the answer is go commercial sex , KTV etc . play all you want , know where is the line, and not to cross , at the end of the day , go home .

picture this , a close friend asked you to join his newly founded company as GM .You build and run the company for a few years and made a lot of money for the company . Your monthly salary is 15K . then 1 day, your very own close friend decides to terminate your services for no reason .HE employs a young graduate with 5 yrs experience and pays him 4 k a month .Now say you are almost touching 50 yrs old already and dont really know where to go from here ....How would you feel ????

after being used , get dump . This is how the woman who bore your kids would feel .

So i hope you would think logically before making a decision . All SYT will eventually become old .Dont let your kids down , they will one day mature and know what the fuck their father has done .. dont let them hate you .

Sorry for my poor english , O level only ..

Cheers !

[sammyboyfor]

Originally Posted by flowerpot

but this lady knows how to make a man feel like a man.

If you need some lady to make you feel like a man, you obviously have some serious self esteem problems.

I suggest you seek professional help.

[sammyboyfor]

The root cause of all these "lovey dovey painful decision" problems is the fact that some people obviously have too much time on their hands.

As the saying goes.."an idle mind is the Devil's workshop"! Instead of spending your leisure hours thinking of love, lust and pussy in general, why not take up a hobby, a sport , go scuba diving, learn to paint.. whatever tickles your fancy and gives you satisfaction of a non sexual nature.

Once you've filled your day with meaningful pursuits, most problems of the heart will evaporate before your very eyes!

For the last 15 years, I've had ONE girlfriend and that's it. Best of all, we're still together. My daily grind involves :

1) Maintaining all my websites - 3 hours
2) Cooking, cleaning, gardening - 2 hours
3) Shopping for necessities.. food, household items etc - 1 hour
4) Bike ride - 3 hours (keep fit plus training for my next bike race).
5) Lunch with friends - 2 hours.
6) Yoga - 45 minutes to 1 hour (relaxation time).
7) Taking care of finances - 30 minutes (pay bills on line, transfers, balancing accounts)

That leaves me with just enough time to get a good night's sleep before a new dawn arrives.

I don't have the time to mess up my mind getting involved with other pussies and I'm fine with that.

The key to a happy life is to keep things simple.

[HCKing]

Originally Posted by sammyboyfor

The root cause of all these "lovey dovey painful decision" problems is the fact that some people obviously have too much time on their hands.

As the saying goes.."an idle mind is the Devil's workshop"! Instead of spending your leisure hours thinking of love, lust and pussy in general, why not take up a hobby, a sport , go scuba diving, learn to paint.. whatever tickles your fancy and gives you satisfaction of a non sexual nature.

Once you've filled your day with meaningful pursuits, most problems of the heart will evaporate before your very eyes!

For the last 15 years, I've had ONE girlfriend and that's it. Best of all, we're still together. My daily grind involves :

1) Maintaining all my websites - 3 hours
2) Cooking, cleaning, gardening - 2 hours
3) Shopping for necessities.. food, household items etc - 1 hour
4) Bike ride - 3 hours (keep fit plus training for my next bike race).
5) Lunch with friends - 2 hours.
6) Yoga - 45 minutes to 1 hour (relaxation time).
7) Taking care of finances - 30 minutes (pay bills on line, transfers, balancing accounts)

That leaves me with just enough time to get a good night's sleep before a new dawn arrives.

I don't have the time to mess up my mind getting involved with other pussies and I'm fine with that.

The key to a happy life is to keep things simple.

well said. a good and positive lifestyle is still the best. dont see life as just money and woman and u will not fall offtrack.

[slider_72]

Originally Posted by HCKing

well said. a good and positive lifestyle is still the best. dont see life as just money and woman and u will not fall offtrack.

True, but how many can sustain that type of lifestyle that the BOSS subscribed to? In the begining, most men may be able to, but after a period of time, say 10 years after marriage, how many can keep to it?

Who knows, perhaps that day may come when instead of spending three hour with his bum glued onto the seat of a bike, the BOSS spends 3 hours holed up in an Aussie motel with the bum of a PRC SYT glued onto him.

Nothing is impossible in this world.

[Fatjumbo]

Originally Posted by sammyboyfor

It's all hunky dory now but once you've lived with her for a few years, you'll find they're all the same.

Dear Boss,

Agreed 100%...back to same old story and same problem will resurface.

[EtherC]

Great advice Sam.