Price to pay for helping Matters of the Heart

[colins]

Originally Posted by slider_72

Errr, Bro, that statement is a bit too profound for me to understand. Maybe next time we meet for teh tarik you can explain further.

Take it easy bro, remember our last session when I prompted you a question? If from tomorrow onwards, I ask you to stop all contact with the girl whom you are dating (and suitably KC-ed), what will be your answer?

Your answer actually determines whether you are predator or a prey.

[slider_72]

Originally Posted by colins

Take it easy bro, remember our last session when I prompted you a question? If from tomorrow onwards, I ask you to stop all contact with the girl whom you are dating (and suitably KC-ed), what will be your answer?

Your answer actually determines whether you are predator or a prey.

Hmmm.... food for thought.

Anyway the girl that I am dating now is going back at the end of next week. The funny thing is that I feel that I like her more than and get along with her much better than the previous girl from Chongqing, but somehow I am already mentally prepared to cut this off once she leaves. For sure I will miss her once she leaves but I am also sure that it would not affect me the way it did when the previous girl from Chongqing left.

Lets meet up for teh tarik again after my current girlfriend leaves and we can conduct a post-mortem. Maybe by collecting sufficient information from the various post-mortems from different bros' relationships and experiences, we can produce a lesson summary for the benefit of the other bros. Who knows, we might even be able to publish a book and make some $$$ out of it. Hahaha.

[colins]

Originally Posted by slider_72

.....Lets meet up for teh tarik again after my current girlfriend leaves and we can conduct a post-mortem. Maybe by collecting sufficient information from the various post-mortems from different bros' relationships and experiences, we can produce a lesson summary for the benefit of the other bros. Who knows, we might even be able to publish a book and make some $$$ out of it. Hahaha.

Hahaha...ok, but as soon as she leaves you will know exactly what's happening to you. Not many things to post mortem, perhaps kopi itself will be more eventful. haha... lets arrange la.

[slider_72]

Originally Posted by colins

Hahaha...ok, but as soon as she leaves you will know exactly what's happening to you. Not many things to post mortem, perhaps kopi itself will be more eventful. haha... lets arrange la.

Ever so true.

Actually for our next kopi session, I think I would be more interested to find out more about your long distance mind-fucking techniques. Sounds damn cool.

[colins]

Originally Posted by slider_72

Ever so true.

Actually for our next kopi session, I think I would be more interested to find out more about your long distance mind-fucking techniques. Sounds damn cool.

How did you know about that? I am just following everything exactly as my mentor says, and a good scolding when I falter from time to time. But then it wasn't what I really set out to achieve, kinda forced to do it but the lesson is seared in me now.

But seriously, I rather have a couple of cybersex anytime, esp to girls who appear to be angelic and innocent.

Sorry, out of topic!

[aces68]

bro colins,

you deserve praise for your effort to try to help bro A, but you can only help those who want to help themselves. I know it sounds corny but it's actually very true. As long as you tried your best and your conscience is clear, that's all you can ask of yourself.

[glooper83]

Its not a price for gaining good karma in return... Hope that you'll be blessed bro Collins. Sorry for not keeping in touch recently.. Was working and training but thats over now. Now fairly happily attached again so quite busy also even thou i may be online on msn. Really sorry abt tht.. Take care Bros out there..

[Wooden_Handle]

Bro colins, remember any caregiver will need help from time to time, esp when you are involved. I think its depend on your amount of emotional attachment, but its a 2 edge sword, once attached its also may cause certain level of upset and if you not attached the other party will feel that you not sincere.

Originally Posted by colins

How did you know about that? I am just following everything exactly as my mentor says, and a good scolding when I falter from time to time. But then it wasn't what I really set out to achieve, kinda forced to do it but the lesson is seared in me now.

[FL Lover]

Originally Posted by aces68

bro colins,

you deserve praise for your effort to try to help bro A, but you can only help those who want to help themselves. I know it sounds corny but it's actually very true. As long as you tried your best and your conscience is clear, that's all you can ask of yourself.

True and agreed. This is the soft approach of helping someone to step out with supports from friends.

I got another approach... THE HARD WAY OUT. Let him get cheated, dumped by WL. Then he will wake up and realise how silly he is. He might for a period of time drown himself in sorrows, self-pity. He will forget eventually as time passed.

I can tell you. If a guy who had been through all these, his heart and mind will mature. There is always a saying... Spare the ROD, spolit the child.

I have been through that.... sad but no choice, inexperienced cheongster at that time.

[DO_YOU_BJ]

Originally Posted by FL Lover

I have been through that.... sad but no choice, inexperienced cheongster at that time.

What applies to you may not apply to others bro.
We always heard of an old saying...like based on your theory....
Head bang wall liao pain sure learn!
But some, bang liao, head pain, bleed, skull crack still a dumb ass.....think bro A is in this category dude.

[FL Lover]

Originally Posted by DO_YOU_BJ

What applies to you may not apply to others bro.
We always heard of an old saying...like based on your theory....
Head bang wall liao pain sure learn!
But some, bang liao, head pain, bleed, skull crack still a dumb ass.....think bro A is in this category dude.

hahahah... then soft approach and hard approach also no use. Anyway as friends of TS, they all have done their parts. The rest is up to bro A to think straight.

In fact, most of the times we all cannot see clearly once ganna KC. Only time will heal him.

[colins]

Originally Posted by aces68

bro colins,

you deserve praise for your effort to try to help bro A, but you can only help those who want to help themselves. I know it sounds corny but it's actually very true. As long as you tried your best and your conscience is clear, that's all you can ask of yourself.

Thanks. I think any bro who comes in with a heart to help relieve someone else's pain deserves the same praise. Thats including yourself in a lot of time. Maybe the definition of "tried the best" and "clear conscience" is subjective to the helper himself, and this is what I like to bring a balance to, in this thread.

Originally Posted by glooper83

Its not a price for gaining good karma in return... Hope that you'll be blessed bro Collins. Sorry for not keeping in touch recently.. Was working and training but thats over now. Now fairly happily attached again so quite busy also even thou i may be online on msn. Really sorry abt tht.. Take care Bros out there..

You've got to be a little careful with the word "sorry" in this melocholy thread, friend, cos it may unfortunately bring you under the suspicion of being Bro A in the story. haha...juz kidding

Originally Posted by Wooden_Handle

Bro colins, remember any caregiver will need help from time to time, esp when you are involved. I think its depend on your amount of emotional attachment, but its a 2 edge sword, once attached its also may cause certain level of upset and if you not attached the other party will feel that you not sincere.

You are right, thats why I think balance is important. Firstly, we do everything for a reason, so sincerity has to be there to follow thru. Second, emotional attachment arise from expectations, so once you achieve the state of no expectations, you can't be hurt.

[colins]

Originally Posted by FL Lover

True and agreed. This is the soft approach of helping someone to step out with supports from friends.

I got another approach... THE HARD WAY OUT. Let him get cheated, dumped by WL. Then he will wake up and realise how silly he is. He might for a period of time drown himself in sorrows, self-pity. He will forget eventually as time passed.

I can tell you. If a guy who had been through all these, his heart and mind will mature. There is always a saying... Spare the ROD, spolit the child.

I have been through that.... sad but no choice, inexperienced cheongster at that time.

Well, if we apply the 'hard way out' approach, we might as well not help. haha... Seriously if you have been thru hard way out approach youself and later see the same shit happening to people ard you, sooner or later, you will at least say something for the victim's benefit.

I think its the approach in helping that matters. For example, telling the person that he is stupid and hopes he changes becos of your judgement is similar to doing nothing. In that, you might as well keep quiet. We should try to affect the person's thought process rather than the person's action, becos everything the victim does, in most cases, is not made with a conscious mind but rather to fulfil a need he may not be aware of.

[gertt234]

Hi Bro's,

As a person new to cheonging, I read SBF to gain knowledge on the ways of WL's (or FL's, etc) so that hopefully when the time comes that I get KC'ed, I will be able to recognize it and get out of it with minimal damage in any way.

I don't think majority (I shall refrain from using anyone) can avoid being KC'ed without being on the receiving end at least once.

My 2 cents.

Thanks to all bro's contributing (positively/negatively) to the forums and sharing experiences.

Kudo's (hope I got the word right) to all bro's helping other bro's to snap out of it.

[FL Lover]

Originally Posted by colins

Well, if we apply the 'hard way out' approach, we might as well not help. haha... Seriously if you have been thru hard way out approach youself and later see the same shit happening to people ard you, sooner or later, you will at least say something for the victim's benefit.

I think its the approach in helping that matters. For example, telling the person that he is stupid and hopes he changes becos of your judgement is similar to doing nothing. In that, you might as well keep quiet. We should try to affect the person's thought process rather than the person's action, becos everything the victim does, in most cases, is not made with a conscious mind but rather to fulfil a need he may not be aware of.

Bro FYI. f you need to help someone in trouble esp getting into this kind of KC thing... you have to see if the person is worth the help. There are two type of persons. First type will be grateful to you for helping him and Second type is cursing you for being Kapo and get into the same shit again

Not all are worth helping... Whether you like my idea or not. Hahaha... To me, if a person does not want to be helped, then better leave him alone. You can have your opinion but that does not mean my way of doing is wrong.

Anyway you might think you are doing a good deed by helping that person but if he in the process does not learn from the experiece... Are you going to help him again for the second time or perharps third time? I wonder....
You might be doing harm to that person for helping him instead of letting him learnt.

Anyway thats my view on this point. But its good to know that there are helpful pple arnd...