my affair with my sis in law - Page 30

MarsIswar · #**436** 14-09-2011, 11:50 AM

If this ring a bell on you than I guess the answer is in the tittle

And my advice for you in at my signature cheers and Prost

hardcoremayhem · #**437** 14-09-2011, 12:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by seowlang

Hey hardcoremayhem,

thanks for your quick reply. really wanted to hear from another person badly.

i had already admitted and faced all the facts. some bros here even made some statements which make perfect sense to this numbed skull of mine. i thought i was moving along fine. or so i thought..

you reckon its my ego in the works?

A confused and affected Seowlang

Bro, thank you for your compliments and if it help, then i am glad. Although i know that my words are of little comfort to you.

Yes. I believe that it is primarily the Ego. Of course, there would be other minute emotions at play as well but primarily the Ego is affected. Pretty much, we would like to be the Only One that our objects of affection think of and feel that we are the Best. The truth is, people are not irreplaceable and that fact, brought to the forefront by J's new partner, would affect our ego that way.

No doubt, you wish for J to be happy and to move on. Focus on that and convince yourself that if you really love her, then her happiness is all that matters. Convince yourself also that there are things which you provided which are irreplaceable and take comfort in that.

after reading through all your sharing, i realised that you really did not get a chance to tell her your side of the story. The closure was a forced one imposed by her and enacted by her. Perhaps that is why you were affected and still are until today. As i said, maybe you can try acting "normal" at family dinners with no expectation of her reciprocating. Just be yourself.

Also, did it occur to you that she was "punishing" you all this while, know what i mean?

seowlang · #**438** 14-09-2011, 01:03 PM

Bro, u r seriously reading my mind and more.. talk later

garyj5 · #**439** 14-09-2011, 01:53 PM

Brother,

I thank you for your suggestions. To be honest, the problem is me, i have to decide what i want and we did try to save the marriage through the suggestions you mentioned but underneath it all, the spark is gone.... The marriage has turn to one where i love my wife enough to give my life for her but we cannot bring ourselves to re-ignite the spark,

I believe its called greed on my part where i have strayed so much off the path in the past few years living the life travelling and being tempted and succumbing to temptation.
I know i have to be fair to her and myself and make a decision soon on how we are to live the next phase of my lives with minimal impact on the kids.

Anyway, i better sign off these comments now or the brothers will find my lamenting boring and a waste of time.

" Live your life as if it's the last day of your life but plan for your life as if you will live forever"

seowlang · #**440** 14-09-2011, 04:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by garyj5

Anyway, i better sign off these comments now or the brothers will find my lamenting boring and a waste of time.

" Live your life as if it's the last day of your life but plan for your life as if you will live forever"

No bro.. im quite sure that any person still reading this thread now are not those they will say such things. chances of those saying such things would have skipped this thread long ago when all the 'actions' stopped

sorry to hear that you have already tried all that i have said but still it didnt help. however, from your earlier post, it seems there is no one in your life now. so, keep trying if possible.

i dont mean to scare you whatsoever but statistics of those in my circle we have remarried aint very encouraging. i personally know 4 friends who entered into their 2nd marriage. only 1 is still happily married after 5 years. of course this does not preclude u from trying. dont mean to dampen your spirits in anyway. just sharing what i have seen.

my thoughts are with u. take care bro.

seowlang · #**441** 14-09-2011, 04:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hardcoremayhem

Bro, thank you for your compliments and if it help, then i am glad. Although i know that my words are of little comfort to you.

Yes. I believe that it is primarily the Ego. Of course, there would be other minute emotions at play as well but primarily the Ego is affected. Pretty much, we would like to be the Only One that our objects of affection think of and feel that we are the Best. The truth is, people are not irreplaceable and that fact, brought to the forefront by J's new partner, would affect our ego that way.

No doubt, you wish for J to be happy and to move on. Focus on that and convince yourself that if you really love her, then her happiness is all that matters. Convince yourself also that there are things which you provided which are irreplaceable and take comfort in that.

after reading through all your sharing, i realised that you really did not get a chance to tell her your side of the story. The closure was a forced one imposed by her and enacted by her. Perhaps that is why you were affected and still are until today. As i said, maybe you can try acting "normal" at family dinners with no expectation of her reciprocating. Just be yourself.

Also, did it occur to you that she was "punishing" you all this while, know what i mean?

Bro, i was out of office for several hours and this ego subject kept entering my mind all the while. i think u r right.

your statements are so chillingly reflective of my thoughts. i guess i sincerely want her to find someone, no doubt. but also, i hope i will always stay as the numero uno in her heart. this is something i have never said out but when u mention it, it struck deeply. i think u r right, again.

and most of all, u r the first and only one till now to realise that i had no closure, as in no chance to really tell my version of the story to J. that ending msn chat wasnt sufficient of course. furthermore, what i have explained in this thread would likely surpass even how much J knows about me as a person. my emotions (which i seldom share with anyone) before and after the relationship, and why i fell so deeply in love with her.

i wouldnt consider her acts as punishing per se, but it hurts.

the melancholic mood is looming again. gotta get my acts together and try to be normal this sat.

Bro, thanks alot for your advices. i really really appreciate.

sl

ahwen · #**442** 14-09-2011, 04:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by numb3ers

This is so funny. I bust out laughing. Cannot control myself.

That part make me lol at my work pls also... Nb hahahahhahaah...

hardcoremayhem · #**443** 14-09-2011, 04:50 PM

hickey bites, brother. Thank you for the uppz.

seowlang · #**444** 14-09-2011, 04:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hardcoremayhem

hickey bites, brother. Thank you for the uppz.

holy jexxx cxxxt!!! and i thought only 2 women had posted here. it finally took a woman to really understand a man.

thanks sister.

hardcoremayhem · #**445** 14-09-2011, 05:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by seowlang

Bro, i was out of office for several hours and this ego subject kept entering my mind all the while. i think u r right.

your statements are so chillingly reflective of my thoughts. i guess i sincerely want her to find someone, no doubt. but also, i hope i will always stay as the numero uno in her heart. this is something i have never said out but when u mention it, it struck deeply. i think u r right, again.

and most of all, u r the first and only one till now to realise that i had no closure, as in no chance to really tell my version of the story to J. that ending msn chat wasnt sufficient of course. furthermore, what i have explained in this thread would likely surpass even how much J knows about me as a person. my emotions (which i seldom share with anyone) before and after the relationship, and why i fell so deeply in love with her.

i wouldnt consider her acts as punishing per se, but it hurts.

the melancholic mood is looming again. gotta get my acts together and try to be normal this sat.

Bro, thanks alot for your advices. i really really appreciate.

sl

dude, you are most welcome. It is not difficult to gather from what you had written that you were not able to contribute to the closure to assuage yourself. i guess that i can empathise because i was in a very similar with my ex (although she ain't my SIL,

Heh.) So i could identify the symptoms readily. Our story was a rather tragic one although it was filled with lusty good times as well (and no, i am loathe to write the story especially since it has been nearly 10 years ago).

i think that in this situation, you would have to steel yourself emotionally and be really logical about this. There could have been no real happy ending and what she had done was for the best. She has already let it go and if i am going to be brutal, she did not treasure you enough to even give you the courtesy to provide closure for yourself. It is selfish and unreasonable. You deserve better from her and she knows it. That is why she is avoiding you also because she feels bad from what you both had done and what she had done to you. If this is the case, then does she deserve your continued love and pining? No. Close this chapter. See her as a heartless, selfish person if you have to but just close it.

With regards to the "punishing" part, allow me to elaborate a little. What i mean is that the things that she is doing - cold shoulder, willful ignoring - is spiteful. yes, Spiteful. The rationale is that she is feeling bad about all of these and she has to take it out on someone and it cannot be on any one but You. Why you? Because you are the cause of her pain. Her heart break. Her betrayal of the sister she loves. And seeing you also constantly reminds her of what she cannot obtain. Frustration, Pain, Confusion, Sorrow, Self-loathing are all warring and rife within her. So she takes it out on you. Seeing you suffer is a good way to tell herself that you were (partly) to blame because your mute sufferance of her spiteful behaviour is justification that you are guilt as charged (in her mind). Because if you weren't, you would not be suffering.

That is why i said, to move on; to appear as you were prior to this incident. Put it behind you. Make her feel a little bad. Throw the ball back into her court. After she sees you like this, she may become even more mad but seriously, who the fxxk cares? Eventually, she will come to her senses and will either talk to you and provide proper closure or be forever estranged from you. Either way, you have nothing to lose.

Remember, hell hadth no fury as a woman scorned and we will only hurt those whom we really love (and feel hurt by those whom we truly love).

Be well, brother.

hardcoremayhem · #**446** 14-09-2011, 05:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by seowlang

holy jexxx cxxxt!!! and i thought only 2 women had posted here. it finally took a woman to really understand a man.

thanks sister.

hickey bites is a woman?! woh.

erm, bro. i am a 101% bro, btw.

seowlang · #**447** 14-09-2011, 05:21 PM

Sis, i really appreciate your detailed explanation. it is really more than a spoonful and i have never seen it this way. give me some time to digest all these.

but seriously, i really appreciate your analysis and intepretations.

i think i need some whisky.. again..

talk more when im done with thinking abt what u have said.

yours truely,
sl

hardcoremayhem · #**448** 14-09-2011, 05:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by seowlang

Sis, i really appreciate your detailed explanation. it is really more than a spoonful and i have never seen it this way. give me some time to digest all these.

but seriously, i really appreciate your analysis and intepretations.

i think i need some whisky.. again..

talk more when im done with thinking abt what u have said.

yours truely,
sl

dude. i am a Guy.... you better don't drink coz without drinking you already blurr like sotong liaoz

seowlang · #**449** 14-09-2011, 05:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hardcoremayhem

hickey bites is a woman?! woh.

erm, bro. i am a 101% bro, btw.

oops.. bro, im sorry. pls dont take it in a derogative manner.

hickey bites is a lady. wont go into details except she consoled me via PM. so i thought she has 2 IDs!!!

My bad.

hardcoremayhem · #**450** 14-09-2011, 05:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by seowlang

oops.. bro, im sorry. pls dont take it in a derogative manner.

hickey bites is a lady. wont go into details except she consoled me via PM. so i thought she has 2 IDs!!!

My bad.

lolz.

i was just thanking hickey bites for upping my points. i didn't know that she was a lady. lolz. i don't really take note of such things one.