Wife & Sex - going through the motion

[jadeblack]

Woah.. What a nice thread.

Greetings to all ,

i think i fit in with most of the married guys lol.. just married last year
but am 36. Already feeling sex is waning for me because priority changes
after marriage.

But i like sex , raw sex that is. My wife does too but i would prefer to
use caps since i am not planning for a kid that early into our marriage
life. Honestly i hate caps due to lack of feeling . If not for it, it would
be for prevention of hitting the jackpot.. Though she hates caps and
forbid me from using caps...

Ejaculating outside would be calling for more washing of bedcover, etc...

Then again, the feeling of releasing inside is much , undeniably intoxicating.

I work. She works too and aiming for a phd to come. I am proud of her but
in ways of sex, there's so much i feel we are missing out. painting has
been kept to like 10-20s, fingering longest been 5mins but not all the way
and giving me bj was like a peck, slight suction on the head for 10s-20s.

Self-diy has been the longest job for me personally and it is still strong
till date. Perhaps i have been doing this too much that sex is kinda a chore
to do...

To other people going for fl, fb, geylang.. there are times i dwell towards
that direction but the hazards that lie ahead are too much to bear.
Worse case scenario to happen is having a change of mindset and heart towards the wife and family.
Together with women's charter, flinging around with other women are
potential minefields.

Feelings gotten from these flings are at most exceedingly short, after
you spew your seeds, its gone. Trying to maintain it longer is i feel just
an illusion for if you already having a family with kids, you are just putting
yourself at harm's way.

I have a ict buddy who is going through a far worse case ; Had 2 kids,
wife always black face and complaining about money issue and less
care towards her. He resorted to ktv and sex flings.

Perhaps sex is not everything and it is ok for it to "die" in place of something
more important that holds more value.

I am taking a resign look aspect towards dwinding sex-life actually right now.

[asdfghjkl]

ask your wife if thats how she is feeling too..

[jadeblack]

Originally Posted by n30n

It's not about feign ignorance. It's about acceptance.

That's why there are women who demand to hear all the bad things then later throw back temper at the man, because they got the wrong idea about confession.

When you did something wrong, you confess. You are wishing for acceptance and forgiveness. So if you can't accept and properly iron things out with him, pretending it didn't happen will eat you out from inside.

Remember how your own past actions, good and bad, affect your perspective of yourself. Maybe sometimes you hate yourself, but later, you'll grow to accept it and become part of yourself. If you keep avoiding and ignoring the issue, you'll keep having self conflicts. Recall how you accept those issues to resolve your self conflict.

Same with your spouse. They are your other half. Whatever bad they do in the past is looking for your acceptance. Not for you to pretend you never hear and hide under the rug. Use the same resolve you did for your own conflicts on your other half's issues.
Accept him as who he is, as all his whole past made him the man you love today.

So this is what mental preparation is about. You must know what's your limits of acceptance. If he confess about something within your limits, things can be solved peacefully, then that's very good.

Let's say if he drop a bomb, and you know you will explode, find out ways to curb your explosion, so that you can keep calm and listen to him.
Let him know what are the ways to calm you down, in case you explode and need his help to calm you down.

So both of you need to know how to handle each other's vulnerability safely without abusing each other's weakness.
It's about creating trust and a safe nest for you two to thrive.

You have to be a christian or catholic i think.
But that's an interesting read there.

[jadeblack]

Originally Posted by asdfghjkl

ask your wife if thats how she is feeling too..

Nope. She doesn't feel the way i feel. Its not her fault or even due to her to begin with.
I look at it as a natural phase that an average man will go through.

[n30n]

Originally Posted by jadeblack

You have to be a christian or catholic i think.
But that's an interesting read there.

No leh.
I'm just weirdly open minded after having a long down time and experiencing some tough relationships.

[tamtam]

Originally Posted by n30n

It's not about feign ignorance. It's about acceptance.

That's why there are women who demand to hear all the bad things then later throw back temper at the man, because they got the wrong idea about confession.

When you did something wrong, you confess. You are wishing for acceptance and forgiveness. So if you can't accept and properly iron things out with him, pretending it didn't happen will eat you out from inside.

Remember how your own past actions, good and bad, affect your perspective of yourself. Maybe sometimes you hate yourself, but later, you'll grow to accept it and become part of yourself. If you keep avoiding and ignoring the issue, you'll keep having self conflicts. Recall how you accept those issues to resolve your self conflict.

Same with your spouse. They are your other half. Whatever bad they do in the past is looking for your acceptance. Not for you to pretend you never hear and hide under the rug. Use the same resolve you did for your own conflicts on your other half's issues.
Accept him as who he is, as all his whole past made him the man you love today.

So this is what mental preparation is about. You must know what's your limits of acceptance. If he confess about something within your limits, things can be solved peacefully, then that's very good.

Let's say if he drop a bomb, and you know you will explode, find out ways to curb your explosion, so that you can keep calm and listen to him.
Let him know what are the ways to calm you down, in case you explode and need his help to calm you down.

So both of you need to know how to handle each other's vulnerability safely without abusing each other's weakness.
It's about creating trust and a safe nest for you two to thrive.

Hi Sis,

I love your ways of handling things, hope my wife can learn that from you, and i will be very grateful.

[benxmanda]

The best is to be able to find a wife who can meet every bit of her hubby's fantasy, no matter how perverted or weird these fantasies looked in the eyes of the ordinary but this won't happen to everybody.

Sex is just part of our life and it's not all, I have seen cases of happy marriage where sex is not a priority, it happened to one of my close friends, he confided in me that he and his wifey seldom have sex and both of them are perfectly OK with it, one thing is sure, both are very religious and it seems that their priority is their kids and their charity works, on the look department, his wifey can easily score at least a 7 , being a middle management employee in a MNC.

It takes two to tango, if it happens that the other half of yours is at fault, well, that is what you always think, take a step backward and assess the situation objectively, think of all the sensible things to do to improve the situation, with one important thing in mind as the most important objective. i.e. to save the marriage, don't be the very first party responsible to break the marriage.

If it's a tumour, cure it if it's still not too late, if it's getting too much for you to handle then you have to remove it, open up to him/her and tell the other party what's on your mind and that you are willing to make the marriage works, problem with most of the married couple is lack of communication, too much taking things for granted. Talk is good if both parties are sincere with each other, speak now or forever hold your peace.

Give the other half all the chances to work with you to close all the expectation gaps between the two of you, before you do something stupid make sure you have done the best to save the marriage, dont be the first to cross that forbidden line.

One must move on, if it's too huge a gap to bridge then must learn to let go already.

If it's a stain on your shirt, some might just throw it away, but some might just want to keep it, some will cover it skillfully so that can wear it, it all depends on you.

Give your other half and you a chance to make it work. Think sensibly.

One man's meat could be another man's poison, however, that man can still eat it if the poison can be neutralized.

Hope you have a happy marriage.

We had our ups and downs too.

Last definitely not least: To my dearest wife, I love you, darling.

[Tomthefucker]

Originally Posted by benxmanda

We had our ups and downs too.

Last definitely not least: To my dearest wife, I love you, darling.

Bro, coming to 10years of marriage, i realised its not easy for two persons to last the distance, having the same committment to walk the storm together.

Saying of vows during marriage is easy but over the years things changed, human changed. The only thing that remains constant is Change.

So, its sad to read so many people are having problems with marriage.

I sincerely wish and hope things will turn better for all of us.

[AngelvsDevil]

Married for 7 ++ years... we had our ups and downs too.... but communication really do the tricks.... or maybe the reason for us to become better now is because we both are willing to listen, learn and please.... everything took a turn since then and its getting better and better....

Sometimes, you really need to meet the right person.....

[Window7]

Hard to find myself posting in this thread. Which means I'm emo and not happy. My sex life had not only gone into e drain but also flushed out into
Indian ocean. Wifey forever seems tired. Pump 5 mins she will ask me faster shoot inside.

Damn. There're many things to rant on. For time being suck thumb.

[fixxxer]

Glad to see this thread. At least able to pour out some sorrows. Me too married for 04 yrs and just had a kid last year. Everything went downhill after that. At the beginning i too thought the childbirth took the toll on my wife and she needed time to heal herself mentally and physically but coming to nearly a year since my son arrived things haven't changed. We haven't had sex for 2 years due to it being ever since she got pregnant i didn't initiate it to respect her feelings and her cycle of becoming a mum. Before marriage, i was banging her non stop with all kind of passion. She even had a abortion before we got married. Iv'e tried talking to her but nothing seems to happen. I respect the fact that marriage isn't all sex, which is why i walk my own path now from Fuck buddies to Fl's. I'm still man and i ain't no saint. We've decided to stop with one child and i don't see myself having any action with her. Life still goes on even though its painful at times. Gd day my brothers \m/

[asdfghjkl]

sad to hear that, sorry buddy!

[sgiceboy]

Originally Posted by fixxxer

Glad to see this thread. At least able to pour out some sorrows. Me too married for 04 yrs and just had a kid last year. Everything went downhill after that. At the beginning i too thought the childbirth took the toll on my wife and she needed time to heal herself mentally and physically but coming to nearly a year since my son arrived things haven't changed. We haven't had sex for 2 years due to it being ever since she got pregnant i didn't initiate it to respect her feelings and her cycle of becoming a mum. Before marriage, i was banging her non stop with all kind of passion. She even had a abortion before we got married. Iv'e tried talking to her but nothing seems to happen. I respect the fact that marriage isn't all sex, which is why i walk my own path now from Fuck buddies to Fl's. I'm still man and i ain't no saint. We've decided to stop with one child and i don't see myself having any action with her. Life still goes on even though its painful at times. Gd day my brothers \m/

Bro,

u are not alone, take heart

[notti4u]

Originally Posted by fixxxer

Glad to see this thread. At least able to pour out some sorrows. Me too married for 04 yrs and just had a kid last year. Everything went downhill after that. At the beginning i too thought the childbirth took the toll on my wife and she needed time to heal herself mentally and physically but coming to nearly a year since my son arrived things haven't changed. We haven't had sex for 2 years due to it being ever since she got pregnant i didn't initiate it to respect her feelings and her cycle of becoming a mum. Before marriage, i was banging her non stop with all kind of passion. She even had a abortion before we got married. Iv'e tried talking to her but nothing seems to happen. I respect the fact that marriage isn't all sex, which is why i walk my own path now from Fuck buddies to Fl's. I'm still man and i ain't no saint. We've decided to stop with one child and i don't see myself having any action with her. Life still goes on even though its painful at times. Gd day my brothers \m/

Bro, you are not alone.... me having the same issues as you... wondering why woman are like that wor? Good thing, I have my both hand which is Jane and Jenny to help Dick out when i needed to release hahaha

[Papadude]

My Heart Goes out to Fixxer...
It is really sad and indeed a torture to your manhood... he had been tested for 2 years before your started to stray out...

My wifey had the same problem after birth, before becoming a mummy, we tried all sort of stunct... bake cream, honey on my cock and her pussy etc etc... sound very adventures.. right!!!

But when my daughter came to this cruel earth, more cruelties awaits me...
my wife didn't allow me to touch her, even putting my arm around her shoulder irritate her....

I sweet talk her, buy XXX DVD, g-string, toys etc etc.... everythings I tried... finally she was moved...

From dried dessert underneath growing only cactus and she become hot and dull of water....

That's how I have my 2nd one...
I still remember my wifey initiate a FJ when she was into her 7month...
Fortunately, the spell was broken even after my son arrived at the beautiful world.

Bro Fixxxer, Don't give up on your wifey yet...