my affair with my sis in law

[hickeybites]

Dear seowlang,
Firstly it's good that you just rant out before you really go "seow" from your own mind-fucking (do note my usage of the word "own" - I'll get to it more later). Not sure if whatever I post will be of any comfort to u; but just to say hang in there & don't be too hard on yourself... For the record, I empathize with you & I'm not siding anyone - not J, not M...

Unless I'm a fly on the wall or you're going to show a video of the dinner, I seriously doubt I can read & decipher all the meanings behind all that you've related. What I do feel is this:
- You were already tensed & sensitive & slightly on the offensive before the dinner

- What transpired during the dinner is coloured by your backlog of emotions

- The order in which J served the wine is of no consequence. To me it's out of politeness cos you are the eldest/ most senior. You should only worry if J did not serve anyone & was just busy guzzling the bottle of wine herself!

- Your wife is just innocently trying to make M feel welcome, just like any gal would for her sister's new beau/friend (whatever).

- I'm not a convent gal but I totally understand what you mean about affiliations to alma maters - once I almost socked an asshole for being super obnoxious & proclaiming a very false rumour about my alma mater/ECA! BUT take it with a light heart -- it's not a competition between you vs M. And I think I can guess which schools M went to

- Personally my take is that J is conscious of your presence and not that she's trying to make you jealous. Maybe she was also stealing glances at your wife, but you didn't catch those...

Bro, I feel that you are mind-fucking yourself. I myself have been sure that I was being mind-fucked by others before ~ but the truth of the matter is that I myself gave Jedi-powers to such people when honestly they weren't doing anything to me. I agree with Sentimental2 wholeheartedly ~ you need to let go. Take this thread as a long overdue start of truly letting go. Rant as much as you want (don't drink too much tho') but ultimately stay on track & do not go to the dark side!

I believe that logically & objectively you know that things are probably not as drama or sensitive as you've painted the whole dinner to be; and every actions or words don't hold the loaded meanings which you've perceived. BUT you are a sentimental guy... and c'mon when we are emo, logic just get thrown out the window. Now that the dinner has passed, just breathe in deep & not allow all the emo-lomo colour your perceptions further. Just accept... and let time heal. One thing I want to add that I think is important. In time, I pray that you'll come to forgive yourself and J as well. You need to forgive yourself... with that you'll be able to put down this burden & move forward. Start with acceptance.. ok?

As said, you've come some way since... give your blessings to J & let her live her own life, make her own mistakes, find her own love. My advice is not to be involved & not screen whether M is the right guy or not - you shouldn't & can't do that any more. Let go, accept, forgive, move on... don't just try, but do so.
In the words of Yoda - "Try not. Do, or do not. There is no try"

Today is a nice start to a week - cool & nice. No more self-mind-fucking ok? *giving you a figurative shake shake*. Take care!

[jj583]

bro SL,
think u r still " bothered" by your SIL. Y r u still at such a state? have u forgotten the reason y u started this tread? Tot u have already oved on ... in your previous posting, u mention that you are on the road to recovery and 70% heal. (correct me if i am wrong) U R YOUR OWN DEVIL. lots of advises have been given to you and its you = yourself whom can make the descision. Stand up and be counted. Do what u r supposed to do BRO!! Get out of this shit!! sort out your thinking!! u can always pm me should you need a buddy ...

[MarsIswar]

Sorry if I sound blunt dude but allow me to ask you some question :
1) are you able to face the truth ?
2) what will you do after knowing the truth?
3) are you willing to give up wat you have now for something unknown?
4) what are the outcome if you say yes for no3 question?
At time in life we have to be the 3 famous monkey: the see no evil hear no evil and speak no evil( I pratice that for my case) with this at time one can attend to less trouble life... not knowing might be a bless at time
Ps. If you feel M is not someone worth for j and you might like to play the role of a BIL try the soft approach hint and sound your wife about how u feel abt M let her do the job rather than you talking to J or like she will hear from u ... Last but no least bro stay strong on your path may it be what you choose ...
命里有时终须有命里无时莫强求 Will be a pm away if u need a lending ear...

[fifufifu]

Hi SL

I have been reading your stories. It is interesting and I had spent severals weeks following your threads...... You are already a very lucky guy. And I think, this is the best ending you can have in real life...(It is not possible to have both your wife and J)....I don't think you can have anything better than this !! Your wife did not find out your affairs..(can you imagine what will happen to you and J and her families)...you did not end up in divorce. J move on in her lives...If you still don't let go, things might get worst. Think about it. I believed you are mature enough to make the right decisions. You should stop this thread as first move. Or you will keep pondering......and things might end up in a mess...

[1nottiboy]

Been in a similar situation with my SIL. Your SIL is trying to move on. Thats how people deal with pain.

Let me offer you another perspective. If your SIL hooks up with a loser (as mine is), you should encourage the relationship. Cos once the relationship fails, who knows, she might fall back into your arms, in dire need so consolation from you.

I was just like you when things didnt work out between my SIL and me and I felt pain just as you are feeling now. Trust me - the pain will pass. It will take time but it will pass. I still have a soft spot for her and if she were to ask me to fuck her I would. But she is no longer as important as she once was. So take your time to heal but dont do anything silly in the mean time. (Took me about 4 years before I realised that I was no longer in pain.)

[seowlang]

Originally Posted by hickeybites

Dear seowlang,
Firstly it's good that you just rant out before you really go "seow" from your own mind-fucking (do note my usage of the word "own" - I'll get to it more later). Not sure if whatever I post will be of any comfort to u; but just to say hang in there & don't be too hard on yourself... For the record, I empathize with you & I'm not siding anyone - not J, not M...

Unless I'm a fly on the wall or you're going to show a video of the dinner, I seriously doubt I can read & decipher all the meanings behind all that you've related. What I do feel is this:
- You were already tensed & sensitive & slightly on the offensive before the dinner

- What transpired during the dinner is coloured by your backlog of emotions

- The order in which J served the wine is of no consequence. To me it's out of politeness cos you are the eldest/ most senior. You should only worry if J did not serve anyone & was just busy guzzling the bottle of wine herself!

- Your wife is just innocently trying to make M feel welcome, just like any gal would for her sister's new beau/friend (whatever).

- I'm not a convent gal but I totally understand what you mean about affiliations to alma maters - once I almost socked an asshole for being super obnoxious & proclaiming a very false rumour about my alma mater/ECA! BUT take it with a light heart -- it's not a competition between you vs M. And I think I can guess which schools M went to

- Personally my take is that J is conscious of your presence and not that she's trying to make you jealous. Maybe she was also stealing glances at your wife, but you didn't catch those...

Bro, I feel that you are mind-fucking yourself. I myself have been sure that I was being mind-fucked by others before ~ but the truth of the matter is that I myself gave Jedi-powers to such people when honestly they weren't doing anything to me. I agree with Sentimental2 wholeheartedly ~ you need to let go. Take this thread as a long overdue start of truly letting go. Rant as much as you want (don't drink too much tho') but ultimately stay on track & do not go to the dark side!

I believe that logically & objectively you know that things are probably not as drama or sensitive as you've painted the whole dinner to be; and every actions or words don't hold the loaded meanings which you've perceived. BUT you are a sentimental guy... and c'mon when we are emo, logic just get thrown out the window. Now that the dinner has passed, just breathe in deep & not allow all the emo-lomo colour your perceptions further. Just accept... and let time heal. One thing I want to add that I think is important. In time, I pray that you'll come to forgive yourself and J as well. You need to forgive yourself... with that you'll be able to put down this burden & move forward. Start with acceptance.. ok?

As said, you've come some way since... give your blessings to J & let her live her own life, make her own mistakes, find her own love. My advice is not to be involved & not screen whether M is the right guy or not - you shouldn't & can't do that any more. Let go, accept, forgive, move on... don't just try, but do so.
In the words of Yoda - "Try not. Do, or do not. There is no try"

Today is a nice start to a week - cool & nice. No more self-mind-fucking ok? *giving you a figurative shake shake*. Take care!

Sister, thanks for your very detailed feel about the whole dinner.

I know its the devil inside me that is brain fucking myself. its just so hard to shake it off. seems like most of the things that happened was bcos i was too sensitive (such as me already being sensitive about how M was treated like a royalty before he came and why the wine was poured for me first etc.)

im really trying to let go and not have any prejudice against M. Just that it didnt help that he was from that sch. i guess it wasnt hard for u to guess which sch when i said it earlier.

i know i over reacted and was just a little emo. however, i was thinking to myself on the way home just now.. imagine J had to see me and my wife all these times. she suffered alot too. mine is only 1 single encounter and i already behaved like a madman. im guess its karma now.

im trying to forgive myself more than J cos the prob still lies with me.

it was a cool day indeed.. raining most of the time.. and your figurative shake shake did bring a smile to my face =)

thanks for the your kind words and your effort to give your thoughts.. the world can do more with ppl like u.

cheers
sl

[seowlang]

Originally Posted by MarsIswar

If you feel M is not someone worth for j and you might like to play the role of a BIL try the soft approach hint and sound your wife about how u feel abt M let her do the job rather than you talking to J or like she will hear from u ... Last but no least bro stay strong on your path may it be what you choose ...
命里有时终须有命里无时莫强求 Will be a pm away if u need a lending ear...

Bro, actually i dont think i have any rights to say anything really. i thought about this too.. but at the end of the day, who am i to comment and judge? agree?

Originally Posted by fifufifu

If you still don't let go, things might get worst. Think about it. I believed you are mature enough to make the right decisions. You should stop this thread as first move. Or you will keep pondering......and things might end up in a mess...

thanks bro. i know i need to let go. am trying to. i wouldnt say to stop this thread, although i dont have much to say anymore as i have already given up to date about the whole incident. cheers

Originally Posted by 1nottiboy

(Took me about 4 years before I realised that I was no longer in pain.)

took you 4 years! omg. thats a bloody long time. glad u r ok now. i certainly cant take that long. my pseudonym will really represent my mental state by then.

[seowlang]

Originally Posted by jj583

Y r u still at such a state? have u forgotten the reason y u started this tread? Tot u have already oved on ... in your previous posting, u mention that you are on the road to recovery and 70% heal. (correct me if i am wrong)

bro, of cos i havent forgotten why i started this thread. i thought im magnanimous enough to accept J having a bf. but guess im not totally able to. i thought i was doing ok too, but apparently i overestimated myself. dont worry, i will be fine. tks

[seowlang]

Originally Posted by sean69

bro...

seriously, u need to move on... from wat i read, it seems that you still have feelings for your SIL and is jealous of M..

question is, are you willing to divorce your wife and go after J ? problem is even if you get a divorce, the possiblity remains that J will not stick with u as I dun think she wants be the cause of the failure of your marriage and her family will prob not speak to her again.

think carefully of wat you want.. once you made up your mind and aware of the consequences.. just do it!!..

thanks bro. i know i have to move on. on the way to recovery.. just that the meeting of M wasnt timely.. but then again, when is a good time??

i know the problem is me. trying hard.. cheers

[MarsIswar]

[QUOTE=seowlang;6363398]Bro, actually i dont think i have any rights to say anything really. i thought about this too.. but at the end of the day, who am i to comment and judge? agree?QUOTE]

ya dude i agree dun brood so much bro... life go on... like what i say 命里有时终须有命里无时莫强求... chill k... go easy on the wiskey...

[sennheiser]

bro, tremendous respect to you. I can't imagine being in your situation. I get mildly jealous when my gf's classmate sits too close to her. I'll be staring daggers at him!

Can't offer much advise to you as much has been said by everyone else. My take: count your blessings from time to time. You will realise that you have much to be grateful for and much more to live for.

Cheers!

[sensit32]

TS as for mi I feel the same knn corky I hate ppl tryin to talk Abt sch or current situ rather if her bf ask Abt her more more concern for J at least I wil feel tt tis guy is sincere not to showoff n corky.if my ex like tt I wil
Try meet her Fxxk her hard again n tell her I stil love her dun care much if she wil go means she wil go if not try to forget I know it's hard.it's time for punchin my sandbags I'm very emo aft readin TS story I felt miss my ex n oso abit jealous n abit angry I miss her sign...HELL for mi

[Rain-Men]

Bro SL, have read all the threads posted so far and all I can say you really love her very much...so much so that when the love turns hate...it's pretty scary..like what's happening down. So much love will give u so much hate..and vice versa...Newton's law of motion. :-)

There's no better medicine than time and only time can dilute the emotions. Take your time to do it...think about other things when u guys are having dinner...focus your mind on other interests....if u still mindful..perhaps "siam" 25% to 50% of dinners each month. Hope that helps...come on suck it in bro...time to let go...

[MugenX]

Bro TS, after reading the stories by other TS and I must say that your stories really is thru soul and heart unlike some other bro TS. But since mistake have already been make, just take it as a painful lesson and life still goes on. The world still rotating and time still past. But if time can really go back, I only hope that you won't choose the route you once taken and think of the consequences first before any commitment is being make so as to reduce the damage to it minimum. In any point of time whereby you really need an audience, you can pm me and I will be glad to be your listener.

[johnnn]

Seowlang bro,

It is a very nice story. You have the courage