Wife & Sex - going through the motion

[Rickey]

Originally Posted by Wizrd

Sorry guys but I do NOT agree that divorce is the last resort. What's before that last resort? Suicide?

If someone is so depressed that work/life quality is affected because of the marriage, then divorce must be the next logical step to get away from the root cause of the stress. Do we have to sit and wallow in self pity and get more and more frustrated every day?? Do we have to bear the consequence of maybe making one incorrect decision for the rest of our lives? NO!!! We have a choice.

Yes, of course there is a chance that we end up in another shithole...but not doing it because of future fears is like saying my tooth hurts when I drink water, and since my tooth cannot be fixed, I should either endure the toothache for life or stop drinking altogether. No bros, pull the tooth out...yes, it will be painful.....but after that, at least I do not have a toothache any more

PLUS, Nobody says a divorcee MUST get married again.

Men are logical creatures and we find ways to justify our actions. In this case we justify it as we have made a commitment; we have children and responsibilities so we cannot walk away. Bullshit....the terms of that commitment are no longer valid because our partner changed the condition of the original agreement. It may or may not be her fault, but the conditions have been drastically changed nevertheless...

Could this lack of action be partly because we do not want to admit that we were wrong? That choosing divorce means annoucing to the world that we screwed up? Perhaps. So what? Be brave...make a change to save your own life and sanity. To hell with money, you can always make more when your life gets back to normality. The children will still grow up and you can still spend quality time with them. To hell with what the neighbours and in laws think. Get your own life back in order first...get the healthy perspective back...then worry about all the collateral problems later.

I accept that some people just want to get married and their hope springs eternal about finding a soul mate...but the reality is, that present soul mate has changed...we all change as we grow...and our common target and goals are no longer common...that, bros, is life...

Would you continue to work for a boss who stops paying you?? NO? Why? You made a commitment when you signed the contract!! You have clients, and projects and staff and people who depend on you to complete the next phase of work...but we are all happy to walk away from that company because the person we made the agreement with no longer honours his/her part of the agreement by not paying us.

This is exactly the same in a marriage. Why hold on to false hope that things will change? Why suffer in silence? And why must you change your whole way of life to embrace more sports and plants and fishing to replace sex, which you honestly believe was an integral part of the original agreement?

For the bros who feel they can accept this turn of events and live life somewhat normally without sex (or quality sex) with the wife, then by all means carry on. But if as bro bernardlee has suffered, losing his will to work and live almost...then divorce is the only way (NOT the last resort...the present and first resort) to get him out of his spiraling situation because the root cause for his depression is his marriage.

Another well written a/c of the problem wif the wives of SG ...Tks bro for ur sharing, help n input on tis subject...

We all basically hv the same thinking...Some clarifications here will make it clearer...Wat is meant here is tat all chances for a reconciliation must be tried 1st b4 declaring DIVORCE...i/o being trigger-happy n pressing the panic button straight away...after all tis is a serious matter tat can hv widespread repercussions for either one or even both parties n their families

Yes, wats meant here too is tat when ALL ELSE FAILING, we shd all go for the DIVORCE w/o further ado...but NEVER EVER get into another marriage which most likely wld be similar or worst than the previous one. Women are generally NOT EASY creatures to handle, they are v. sensitive, get angry easily over little, little things n refuse to accept explanations n apologies however sincere they are..after things hv happened...

Most divorcees DO NOT or cannot get married again prolly due mainly to the low trust level of the genders towards each other...once bitten twice shy kinda thingy ...n considering the additional stigma of divorce & the baggage to be inherited by the next party..

Fully agree, bro, ...As hv been pointed out TIME CHANGES THINGS & PEOPLE...their character, their thinking esp women...wat they tell u ytd, might not even hold true TODAY (imagine !...just by a single day !!) ..pple can change their minds v. fast over any small matter...friendships r made n broken in an instant ...yes, they can literally change their minds in a SECOND if they feel like it...sigh...tats why life is not only short but v. fragile too, we never know n never can be sure of wat will hold for us tomorrow...so we cannot take it for granted tat wif the joy n happiness we now hv, we can live happily ever after...we hv to treasure every good moment we hv n PRAY to our Gods whoever we perceive Him to be for HIs continued blessings...every new day brings forth new situations n challenges tat either makes us or BREAKS us..life, bros n sis is full of twists n turns...for those who are so sure of life n wats in store for them, THINK AGAIN !...i wish them all the very best

[bernardlee]

Well said bros!

Share a song with you all - I will survive!

[Wizrd]

Originally Posted by Rickey

Another well written a/c of the problem wif the wives of SG ...Tks bro for ur sharing, help n input on tis subject...

We all basically hv the same thinking...Some clarifications here will make it clearer...Wat is meant here is tat all chances for a reconciliation must be tried 1st b4 declaring DIVORCE...i/o being trigger-happy n pressing the panic button straight away...after all tis is a serious matter tat can hv widespread repercussions for either one or even both parties n their families

Yes, wats meant here too is tat when ALL ELSE FAILING, we shd all go for the DIVORCE w/o further ado...but NEVER EVER get into another marriage which most likely wld be similar or worst than the previous one. Women are generally NOT EASY creatures to handle, they are v. sensitive, get angry easily over little, little things n refuse to accept explanations n apologies however sincere they are..after things hv happened...

Most divorcees DO NOT or cannot get married again prolly due mainly to the low trust level of the genders towards each other...once bitten twice shy kinda thingy ...n considering the additional stigma of divorce & the baggage to be inherited by the next party..

Fully agree, bro, ...As hv been pointed out TIME CHANGES THINGS & PEOPLE...their character, their thinking esp women...wat they tell u ytd, might not even hold true TODAY (imagine !...just by a single day !!) ..pple can change their minds v. fast over any small matter...friendships r made n broken in an instant ...yes, they can literally change their minds in a SECOND if they feel like it...sigh...tats why life is not only short but v. fragile too, we never know n never can be sure of wat will hold for us tomorrow...so we cannot take it for granted tat wif the joy n happiness we now hv, we can live happily ever after...we hv to treasure every good moment we hv n PRAY to our Gods whoever we perceive Him to be for HIs continued blessings...every new day brings forth new situations n challenges tat either makes us or BREAKS us..life, bros n sis is full of twists n turns...for those who are so sure of life n wats in store for them, THINK AGAIN !...i wish them all the very best

Now, this I agree with bro...

Yes, I'm not saying divorce first talk later...but in most of the cases that others have brought up...they have talked and discussed and begged...to no improvemnet..

If a wife can fall asleep while a bro is painting her...didn't even have the courtesy to say...not tonight honey...but simply bo chup and ignore...then it is quite serious already...

I cannot make decisions for everyone obviously...but I just wish all the bros suffering this can stand up to their spouse...say enough is enough...we either play nice and be an actual married couple...or we go our seperate ways...

There is no real point in making her pretend to want sex...it will lasts for 5 minutes and you will be back to where you started from...

The whole mindset and focus of the relationship has to be shifted...the husband MUST be first in a wife's life, before the children and her career. She did not make a vow to the children or her boss...she made a vow to you...so tell her that and fully expect her to keep to it.

Power to all the bros!!

[bernardlee]

Hi bros,

My wife is always trying to change my perception that SHE is a great mother and a busy working woman. Because of the KID, SHE made sacrifice of her career just like other sinkie women. She usually works late and works hard for the company just like other career women; sometimes she comes home in bad mood due to her stressful work.

A sensible and responsible sinkie husband MUST UNDERSTAND the wife and take up all the house chores, plus looking after the kid when the wife is still working in office.

So how can a husband divorces a wife IF the sole reason is JUST LACK OF SEX?

Is this a valid reason to present to the family court? Will they laugh away believing the hubby has lost sexual appeal and be the one to blame instead??

All friends, relatives and in-laws will sure laugh at me for being a bloody irresponsible pervert.

I don't think I have the balls to even tell my friends / colleagues that my wife is not having sex with me. You know it is a man's pride. It will be very difficult to face the family court based on this sexless reason. Very paiseh leh.

SEX is already thrown out of the window at this stage of the marriage.

Unfortunately I have high libido but living a sexless marriage now.

Every night, only jenny and jane helping the dick...

[bernardlee]

I NEVER change my sexual desires toward my wife! Still love her and always wanted to make love to her as before. BUT WHY WHY WHY GOD punished me by changing her.

I don't believe she does it on purposes.... BUT for whatever f@#King reasons she changed to a sexless creature.

Looks dame sexy but untouchable! Priceless but yet WORTHLESS! Other people say I have a pretty wife.... but deep inside very DU LAN.... what the use .... she is simply un f@#kable.

Share with you another song, run away train... SHE NEVER COMES BACK.

[tryherout]

Originally Posted by bernardlee

I NEVER change my sexual desires toward my wife! Still love her and always wanted to make love to her as before. BUT WHY WHY WHY GOD punished me by changing her.

I don't believe she does it on purposes.... BUT for whatever f@#King reasons she changed to a sexless creature.

Looks dame sexy but untouchable! Priceless but yet WORTHLESS! Other people say I have a pretty wife.... but deep inside very DU LAN.... what the use .... she is simply un f@#kable.

I wonder why would she look sexy to you and untouchable? Is she seeing someone?

[Wizrd]

Originally Posted by tryherout

I wonder why would she look sexy to you and untouchable? Is she seeing someone?

Please don't jump to conclusions...I'm sure she needs to look good for her work...

[Wizrd]

Originally Posted by bernardlee

Hi bros,

My wife is always trying to change my perception that SHE is a great mother and a busy working woman. Because of the KID, SHE made sacrifice of her career just like other sinkie women. She usually works late and works hard for the company just like other career women; sometimes she comes home in bad mood due to her stressful work.

A sensible and responsible sinkie husband MUST UNDERSTAND the wife and take up all the house chores, plus looking after the kid when the wife is still working in office.

So how can a husband divorces a wife IF the sole reason is JUST LACK OF SEX?

Is this a valid reason to present to the family court? Will they laugh away believing the hubby has lost sexual appeal and be the one to blame instead??

All friends, relatives and in-laws will sure laugh at me for being a bloody irresponsible pervert.

I don't think I have the balls to even tell my friends / colleagues that my wife is not having sex with me. You know it is a man's pride. It will be very difficult to face the family court based on this sexless reason. Very paiseh leh.

SEX is already thrown out of the window at this stage of the marriage.

Unfortunately I have high libido but living a sexless marriage now.

Every night, only jenny and jane helping the dick...

Ok bro...

I hear you...

Now, please let me know this so I can see if I got it right...she is a good mother...no denying that...she may be a great wife too (other than the lack of sex part...)...but....she knows that you have high libido, yes? That is not a sceret yes?

Now, I understand it can be pai seh for you...but you also have to realise that it might be pai seh for her too if this gets out...

So...here's the plan...

I assume you have spoken to her about this issue...if not...speak to her...tell her that as a husband, you feel trap between being faithful to her and at the same time living without sex...see what she has to say...

Whatever side issues she bring up...push it aside...don't want to talk about stressful work...don't want to talk about her being a good mother...nope, those are not on the agenda...you only want to talk about the lack of sex...

Unless her reason is: 'I cannot stand having sex with you'...ask her if she is willing to plan a short trip so that you and her can be intimate again...and we are talking about a weekend trip...half day, one night, half day and back...worst case...just check in to a hotel for one Saturday night, maybe at Sentosa, your second honeymoon so to speak...if she says no to that, then it is not about the stress from work bro...it is all about you...

If she says yes...great...give it a shot...see what happens..

If not, you then tell her...you have no choice left...either she gives you written permission to seek sex elsewhere (I know...maybe you don't want to...but bear with me please...), or you may have to seek a divorce...

With the word divorce...she should take it more seriously...if she doesn't, then we know where you stand bro...


Let's assume she is willing to discuss this...where are you allow to seek sex from...GL? A secret mistress so there is less risk of STD and neither of you will lose face? Or she gives it up and has sex with you...

Plan A, she has sex with you....Do NOT be reasonable about this....understand that if you agree to sex once a week, she will slowly bring it down to once a month, then once a year again....go for broke...four times a week...and PLAN the schedule for it.

Work out what days are good and actually plan it in like an appointment. No ifs, and no buts...it is scheduled like her work calender...it must be followed.

If she turns this down...go for plan B...GL? State how often, four times a week? Get her agreement. If she does not agree...go for plan C...a Secret Mistress...hell, even let her choose for you...you come up with a list of possible candidates...she makes the final approval...sounds fair? Ok, maybe not to her...but you are the one making the request...go for it..

If she turns this down too, last resort time...plan D...Divorce...

Please bro, do not shy away at this stage...do NOT let her call your bluff...you must be dead serious about this and she must see that...

Ask her what she thinks of it...work out the terms of the divorce...she gets everything? Half? what? How about the child? You get to keep or see two, three times a week? To stay over with you on the holidays? You ask the questions bro, do not hint hint and let her come up with solutions...ask specific questions, offer suggestions and push her to have to answer you...

Then, if she is even thinking about it...explain to her that citing a lack of sex for divorce is gossip ridden and will affect her reputation at her work place...you are willing to be reasonable and agree on another reason for a divorce...how about the genaric one...citing differences beyond repair? (or whatever the legal term is...)

If she agrees to this, you save face without having to admit a lack of sex...even if she doesn't agree, you have given her food for tought...

No need to press her for an answer there and then...you have done your part...now tell her you are willing to give her 7 days to come to a decision...note the date and tell her a time on that day you will be asking her for an answer.

Then bro...whatever happens, go find a lawyer within the first 2 days...

I do not want to alarm you but women are very quick with shit like that...next thing you know, she will take you to the cleaners....protect yourself...just tell the lawyer the same reason you and her agreed to....

Nevertheless, we are hoping for her to 'wake up' from her dream state and have a think about the reality of her life...is her husband worth throwing away over work and money?

You may not like the answer to that question bro...but you do not have many options left...

If you can save the marriage bro...we will go out and celebrate after your renewed sexual weekend...I'll buy the first round...but if she really is not interested in you as a husband any more...we can go drown your sorrows...I'll still buy the first round...but at least you can move on with your life...

One last advise bro...make sure you are sober when you talk to her...do not sound aggressive or angry...just a quiet, simple husband and wife discussion...do not give her a reason to sue your arse on top of not giving you sex...

If you really feel you cannot confront your wife...bro, one last option...text her...just make sure you spell everything out properly because now both of you will have written evidence...be calm...be reasonable and state the facts only...one question at a time...Ok bro?

Now...go do this!!


.

[bernardlee]

Hi Wizrd,

Another great post from you. I will follow the plans and see how it goes.

My wife spent tonnes of money to buy SK2 and other stuffs to upkeep herself. She does not want to look like a housewife or auntie I think, mainly an investment for her own career, but definitely not for seducing me. My woman can really live without sex.

Thanks thanks for staying up so late to type the post.

[Hotcoffee]

Originally Posted by bernardlee

Hi Wizrd,

Another great post from you. I will follow the plans and see how it goes.

My wife spent tonnes of money to buy SK2 and other stuffs to upkeep herself. She does not want to look like a housewife or auntie I think, mainly an investment for her own career, but definitely not for seducing me. My woman can really live without sex.

Thanks thanks for staying up so late to type the post.

My wife also same. She will shop for clothes to wear for work but when she goes out with me will be a FBT running shorts and T shirt.

Reach home 7 plus after work. She be in bed by 10. And likely e same bed time even weekend. 2 days ago promised tonight will ML.....
Me typing these after watching TV alone. Sigh......

[trekk]

Fantastic!!! good info to share to all.

[alan2738510]

Looks like We are All In The Same Boat

[smay]

Originally Posted by alan2738510

Looks like We are All In The Same Boat

Bro,

Both your wife and you must change the mindset.

My wife and me always have a mindset to please the other party. Many always have the attitudes of "I want", "I need", "I want to satisfy" but ignore the other party's feeling. Especially we man will stop immediately after we cum. Female needs more than that, even she has cum, she needs more.

I am 51 this year, we have sex 2 to 3 times every week and she will cum 2 to 3 times in every bonk. But me? the most can cum 2 times and at times none. This is a duty for a husband to please the wife even if I don't cum and therefore she like to make love with me. Even to the extend teasing me to make love while I am sleeping.

I read up more from ang mo's site just wanted to please my wife. She knew, and she is so happy that I did. Check up my thread for reading pleasure or you can go direct to their sites and explore for more.

We are like many of you, need to work, do house works, have kids and many many stuff to take care. Sex cannot be missing from a loving couple unless both of you are physically unable.

[smay]

Originally Posted by gilagila100

Not so simple sometimes ... this is a very tricky question to answer ...

But I heard this from a lao jiao,

Make love to ur wife ...
Have sex with FL ...

Go chiong, bring $$$ & 2IC but dun bring heart ... No matter wat must go home to sleep

Not everyone is lucky to be able to have sex and make love with the same woman ...

I like this, we must always know the different between make love and sex.

Make love - both must satisfy,
Have sex - I must satisfy.

[smay]

Originally Posted by SparkleDoll

Seeing guys complain about this problem with their wives just make me real sian. That's because I'm the high and dry wife with a high sex drive. We fucked like bunnies before marriage and now 2 years in, my husband says he has no sex drive at all. Help!

He always says how mentally tired he is from his business that he has no mood for anything else. He finds sex too draining on the energy. I know myself and actually told him when we were dating that if a marriage has no more sex, that is kinda the end for me. Sex is not the ONLY ingredient in a marriage but it's sure as hell a very important. He laughed then because he felt there was no way he will not want sex. However, after marriage, he has literally settled down so much he just wants to use the time and energy for other things. Agrrr

I have tried talking, initiating and always end up feeling rejected. When ppl ard us joke about how lucky he is to have such a hot wife, I wanna rip off someone's head! What's the use of being hot when I am probably gonna have to live like a nun for the rest of my life. I asked him if he was not afraid I will stray. He gets angry and say there are other things in a marriage more improtant than sex.

Frankly, I get very fustrated and have thought of having FB or even divorce. I don't want to live the rest of my life like this. What am I doing wrong here? Can too much of a good thing make a man take for granted? I did not let myself go, I have a habit of sleeping in lingerie every night. Everytime someone hits on me I get angst and wonder why I got such a bad roll in the marriage dice. Why the fuck doesn't my husband want me.

Well, this long rant only proves that this issue rans both ways. Regardless of gender. May you guys find a solution soon and may I have the strength to remain faithful.

Don't be too sad; besides mindset diet also contributed to sex drive.
Change your husband diet, change the ambient of your room make him feel important and make him feel he needs it and not you want it. Make him a hero, Man have sometimes have ego problem.