A painful decision

[HCKing]

Originally Posted by slider_72

True, but how many can sustain that type of lifestyle that the BOSS subscribed to? In the begining, most men may be able to, but after a period of time, say 10 years after marriage, how many can keep to it?

Who knows, perhaps that day may come when instead of spending three hour with his bum glued onto the seat of a bike, the BOSS spends 3 hours holed up in an Aussie motel with the bum of a PRC SYT glued onto him.

Nothing is impossible in this world.

porseeber also but if yr lifestyle or habit is positive chances r u will nt make the wrong choice or choose to bury yrself in wine and sex to escape reality. in the case of TS he already said he has little time for his family and children liao if he can have a positive lifestyle, try spend more time with them, go for family activities on wkends i believe things will turn positive very soon. but instead of doing these he is now thinking of leaving them all behind for another woman to escape reality. i feel sorry for his children actually. hai.....

[sammyboyfor]

Originally Posted by slider_72

Nothing is impossible in this world.

Nothing is impossible but life is what you make it. We are all capable of making conscientious choices that determine our destinies.

I have to point out that I ENJOY what I do. It gives me a sense of satisfaction and fulfillment.

I'm not preaching abstinence either. Sex with the same person does get a bit boring after a while but even if I did find someone else, things would be back to square one after a time so what's the point of causing unnecessary upheavals in ones life only to end up with nothing to be gained over the long term?

[porscheclub]

U know guys. I see more intelligent people here than many other places & many with a conscience or responsibilities as u said it.

I am not "dumping" my kids & escaping from it. My priority is their well being & I know I cannot give them the time so the mother will have them. Should she not want them, I will gladly have them & my mum will be a very happy lady. Other than weekends, I can visit them as and when I can make it.

The 2nd wife is very understanding, she has promised to take care of them as her own and we will also have our own. We'll be fair to all & time+love is to split between two families or I will not walk.

I don't hate my current wife nor do we have squabbles. It's just that the love is non existent & the mood is grey. Can you married guys live with a woman u do not love for the rest of your life?

In any case, the decision has not been made.

If I survive this round, there will not be another woman to thug my heart. There may be little SYTs, flings or whatever but they will not thug the heart.

[slider_72]

Originally Posted by porscheclub

I am not "dumping" my kids & escaping from it. My priority is their well being & I know I cannot give them the time so the mother will have them.

With all due respect, this statement is wholly contradictory to what you are planning to do.

If your priority is the children's well-being, you will want to sacrifice your own happiness in order that they can have theirs. I am sure no child wants to grow up in a family where the parents are split apart, where they get to see mummy on weekdays and daddy on weekends. No amount of love or pampering from your so-called '2nd wife' will be able to compensate for what they will miss from their biological mother.

If your priority is really your children's well-being, you will endure a life stuck with a woman whom you do not hate nor love so that your children can grow up in a proper family unit with the combined attention of both father and mother.

No dude, your priority is your own well-being. By calling the other woman your 2nd wife, it seems that you have already decided on what you want, and what you want is more in line with your own happiness. How does a divorce contribute towards the children's well-being? By letting the mother have custody, care and control over the children with restricted rights of access to you mean that you are providing for the children's well-being?

Think of it this way, the mother will have to take time to prepare the children for school during weekdays, attending to their homework after class, ensuring that they have proper dinner on their table everyday even though she may be working in the day as well. She would probably have to be the bad guy in disciplining the children when they are misbehaving.

On weekends, what would you do? Take them out for outings, picnics, etc, no need to supervise their homework, letting them sleep late because it is the weekend, giving them more leeway when they are misbehaving because it is the weekend and children are entitled to have fun during the weekend.

I think you are actually getting a better deal. Lets face it, your thoughts and plans are actually very selfish. If you accept that and are prepared to face the consequences, I have nothing further to add. However, if you think you are trying your best to cater to the well-being of your children, you are solely mistaken my friend.

[porscheclub]

Originally Posted by flowerpot

bro porscheclub,

so your decision is made? u have choosen the 2nd one???

im in the same situation as you, with this gf for 18 months,
frankly speaking, i used to love my wife before she appear in my life...

but this lady knows how to make a man feel like a man. not in term of sex...
like you, she is also not a WL nor FL.
like you, sex is not what i need from her....

my marriage has been on the rock since her appearence, til now, i still have not make any decision...

for choosing my wife and child, i know i will regret giving up such a wonderful lady...

for choosing her, its really hard for me to abandon my child...

truthfully, its my child that is holding my wife and me back...
but i know my wife is also undergoing unbearable torture, since my heart is not with her anymore... but for the sake of our child, she is still waiting for me to make a decision.....

I have been avoiding her, my wife..... going home late everyday, like 3-4am, and wake up after she left for work.....

What should I do????? I am Loss too.............. Help me... can i follow your decision????

Terok, another me? Now, I'm not in the position to help you nor should you follow my decision. Every case is different & it's your life.

I used to do what u do, like going home late or so & I rented another apt with the other one. U're in the "escaping mode" now.

So, your wife knows about this? Then, it's about time to face it my friend. Sit down without the kid & talk about it. Is your 2nd one worth it? Will you have a future with her?

I'm actually letting go of my love for the sake of the kids but the 2nd one is trying very very hard to win me back. I'm in good terms with her family & her mum is like my friend while I also like her city & will invest there later.

PM me if u like & we can kopi. It's good to talk, I realised that a few other friends are facing or faced almost the same situations like us. Some divorced & are actually leading a happier life now. In fact, one even became better friend with the ex-wife.

Again, it voices down to different family situations. The issue is don't drag this too long or you're wasting everyone's time & it's a painful one.

Now, if only we can all be a good "manager" like Bro DYBJ

[slider_72]

Originally Posted by porscheclub

Now, if only we can all be a good "manager" like Bro DYBJ

Now that is a class act all by iteself. Not for us mere mortals to replicate.

[petrolheadsg]

Originally Posted by porscheclub

U know guys. I see more intelligent people here than many other places & many with a conscience or responsibilities as u said it.

I am not "dumping" my kids & escaping from it. My priority is their well being & I know I cannot give them the time so the mother will have them. Should she not want them, I will gladly have them & my mum will be a very happy lady. Other than weekends, I can visit them as and when I can make it.

The 2nd wife is very understanding, she has promised to take care of them as her own and we will also have our own. We'll be fair to all & time+love is to split between two families or I will not walk.

I don't hate my current wife nor do we have squabbles. It's just that the love is non existent & the mood is grey. Can you married guys live with a woman u do not love for the rest of your life?


Oh btw ...sammyboyfor also mentioned something that I agree with as well...about having too much time on ones hands. Getting a new hobby is a good suggestion.
Ever tried drifting a Porsche before and getting good at it :-) Well now is as good a time as any to find out...get a manual though :-)



In any case, the decision has not been made.

If I survive this round, there will not be another woman to thug my heart. There may be little SYTs, flings or whatever but they will not thug the heart.

Bro ...man this is so deja vu....I walked to the brink but pulled back. My wife loved me so much at the time, she was willing to accept me having a 2nd wife. I am glad I did not go through with it.

I digress...

I need to ask you this. Have you ever loved your wife. You dont have to answer now or post this. Bring yourself back to the time when you made the decision to marry her, your courting days, the first time you made love like rabbits, the "stolen" moments away from her parents :-)

I ask this because I recall me telling my wife (when I was involved with this other woman) that I did not love her anymore and I also told my mum that too. At that time, the flaming passion of a new fire burned so bright that everything else dimmed ...and lust certainly masqueraded itself as love.

I too cannot live with a person I do not love...I used this very phrase itself ...and I believed it too...at the time. And no one can say that I was lying because that was truly how I felt deep inside. I dont know how much your wife loves you or what obstacles stand in your path to make your marriage work. Perhaps there is just too much "noise" that is getting in the way of reconciliation. It is difficult to internalize what experts say about finding that loving feeling again (with your wife) , but when you do, you know that it swells from within and not something that is purely cognitive or intellectual. I agree, you cant force it, it cant be manufactured or contrived...just wont work.

I liken it to learning to ride a bicycle...you hear, you see, you try but you dont really know what it is until everything clicks into place...and then you have the feeling and know what riding is.

It took me a long time to revive that and part of my journey required me to OD on cheonging to truly understand (not at the intellectual level) and internalize the conviction that lust and love are two different things entirely.

I was also lucky that my wife "waited" for me to come to my senses and she too grew stronger and discovered other aspects of her character and became more independent.

That's why in my earlier post I refer to your situation as part of a "journey".

I just wish you all the best and also thank you for sharing your circumstances with us. I guess this has been therapy not only for you but us posters as well.

Oh btw I agree with Sammyboyfor on another thing...that time on the hands leads to nothing but trouble. Getting a new hobby is a great suggestion. Ever tried drifting a Porsche and getting good at it :-) Well now is as good a time to find out as any....tip get a manual with lsd though and a WIDE OPEN SPACE ...heheh

[Absolute]

Hard to accept but nevertheless true: This girl ""loves you because you have the financial means, not because you are a nice and caring person.

This girl does not love you if you are nice and caring but old and penniless. Understand now?

But the harsh reality is always difficult to accept.

[porscheclub]

Originally Posted by petrolheadsg

Bro ...man this is so deja vu....
Oh btw I agree with Sammyboyfor on another thing...that time on the hands leads to nothing but trouble.

Yes, thank u bro. Thanks for sharing as well & I'm glad for you that you're leading a better life now. Your wife has been most understanding.

Oh about that free time. Sam's right to a certain extent, living down under has a different pace & no much meimeis to lure him

Problem is I have too much hobbies, I still have a stripped out DC5 trackcar in KL for Sepang days. Oh shit! haven't look @ it for 6months now...

[xyz1001]

Originally Posted by petrolheadsg

My wife loved me so much at the time, she was willing to accept me having a 2nd wife.

That's why in my earlier post I refer to your situation as part of a "journey".

Bro petrolheadsg, very nice post. Couldn't agree more. Kudos.

[HCKing]

Originally Posted by porscheclub

U know guys. I see more intelligent people here than many other places & many with a conscience or responsibilities as u said it.

I am not "dumping" my kids & escaping from it. My priority is their well being & I know I cannot give them the time so the mother will have them. Should she not want them, I will gladly have them & my mum will be a very happy lady. Other than weekends, I can visit them as and when I can make it.

The 2nd wife is very understanding, she has promised to take care of them as her own and we will also have our own. We'll be fair to all & time+love is to split between two families or I will not walk.

I don't hate my current wife nor do we have squabbles. It's just that the love is non existent & the mood is grey. Can you married guys live with a woman u do not love for the rest of your life?

In any case, the decision has not been made.

If I survive this round, there will not be another woman to thug my heart. There may be little SYTs, flings or whatever but they will not thug the heart.

hehehehe TS i can see u r oredi tio KC very the deep liao frm the way u describe yr 2nd wife until super tok kong. tis kind of situation very hard to give adviCe lah its really up to u liao. if really cant make up yr mind want try flip a coin and see? head for head and tail for heart?

[colins]

Originally Posted by HCKing

hehehehe TS i can see u r oredi tio KC very the deep liao frm the way u describe yr 2nd wife until super tok kong. tis kind of situation very hard to give adviCe lah its really up to u liao. if really cant make up yr mind want try flip a coin and see? head for head and tail for heart?

Reminds me of this scene in 暗战2, when Ekin lured the police to the roof top. The negotiator came and Ekin again lured him to play this coin flipping game with him. For 30plus tries the negotiator guessed 'heads' and for all the tries, the results were always 'words'. This scene shows a lot on human nature. Sometimes we just do not want to face the truth, in the end we can't face the truth anymore. The sad fact is, there are people who rather die or lose themselves than to face it.

[HCKing]

Originally Posted by colins

Reminds me of this scene in 暗战2, when Ekin lured the police to the roof top. The negotiator came and Ekin again lured him to play this coin flipping game with him. For 30plus tries the negotiator guessed 'heads' and for all the tries, the results were always 'words'. This scene shows a lot on human nature. Sometimes we just do not want to face the truth, in the end we can't face the truth anymore. The sad fact is, there are people who rather die or lose themselves than to face it.

nvr watch this power show, wasted. but y would he guessed 'heads' for 30plus times? cos of the word HOPE. he HOPES that this time he guess wrong but next time he will guess right. without HOPE one will have to lan lan face the truth, but who will want to face any truth? without HOPE one will have to realisticly deal with his problems and his current situation. but who will want to do all these shit jobs? might as well turn and run away and HOPE for a better future easier right?

[colins]

Originally Posted by HCKing

nvr watch this power show, wasted. but y would he guessed 'heads' for 30plus times? cos of the word HOPE. he HOPES that this time he guess wrong but next time he will guess right. without HOPE one will have to lan lan face the truth, but who will want to face any truth? without HOPE one will have to realisticly deal with his problems and his current situation. but who will want to do all these shit jobs? might as well turn and run away and HOPE for a better future easier right?

Dude you got all the answers right. In the scene, the negotiator was almost suicidal after guessing all the wrong answer. The hope diminishes along every bad try until he can't take the truth anymore and want to jump down from the roof. To die rather than to face the fact that he can never win.

[HCKing]

Originally Posted by colins

Dude you got all the answers right. In the scene, the negotiator was almost suicidal after guessing all the wrong answer. The hope diminishes along every bad try until he can't take the truth anymore and want to jump down from the roof. To die rather than to face the fact that he can never win.

he can never win, so does Ekin. suppose the negotiator guess the right answer it will be Ekin's turn to HOPE. the girls involved in KC shits also have their own HOPES of winning over the guys and getting wat they want. tats y i think wat sammyboyfor said make some sense lah, one should be realistic when come to commercial sex.