Thai gf asking for too much money

[Vigilant42]

Originally Posted by dustzee

Bro, I also thought I would end up with a local SG girl till I met her. It's hard to say why. In the past, dating a thai would only be for the fun of it. But thai girls are so docile and attentive I eventually gave in.

Anyway, just to correct a point. The Thai culture in Golden Mile is nothing compared to Thailand itself.

Dear Bro,

You are right! Thai girl are very attentive and caring but beware of them. I was a victim of being a ATM to my ex thai girl, just happened to me recently only.

Love is not about money. In thai Buddhism teaching, money is not the priority, is the way to make them a better person, most importantly is to have a good character, personality and heart, but in thailand, it is reverse way.. they don't really practise the true Buddhism teaching.

If she really love you and being a good girlfriend, she will help you save money instead. My advise is drop her and find another thai girl if need to. There are so many thai girl around, not all are bad, trust me, i have met those good and honest one.

Wish you good luck.


Regards
Vigilant42

[dustzee]

Originally Posted by Vigilant42

Dear Bro,

You are right! Thai girl are very attentive and caring but beware of them. I was a victim of being a ATM to my ex thai girl, just happened to me recently only.

Love is not about money. In thai Buddhism teaching, money is not the priority, is the way to make them a better person, most importantly is to have a good character, personality and heart, but in thailand, it is reverse way.. they don't really practise the true Buddhism teaching.

If she really love you and being a good girlfriend, she will help you save money instead. My advise is drop her and find another thai girl if need to. There are so many thai girl around, not all are bad, trust me, i have met those good and honest one.

Wish you good luck.


Regards
Vigilant42

Hi Bro, thanks for your post. If it's not too much to ask, would you mind sharing your story?

Yes I agree not all are money minded. In fact, my thai girl is good in every aspect except for these problems. So now show hand with her liao see what happens.

[dustzee]

Originally Posted by hamsapkwai

You got to understand their culture, its no different from the Filipinos and Indonesians.

Its a SHARE culture whereby those who have are supposed to share it with those who don`t.

You will find neighbors and other freeloaders hanging around during meal times at the homes of those who have. Its an accepted practice in those areas.

Once they find somebody who has, they will leech on that person until he runs out.

In this instance they have found YOU!

Exactly bro!!!!!!! I think you got it! It's their sharing culture. That's why she can be so generous with people who has less and expects me to be generous with her (and her family and friends too).

[dustzee]

Anyway, just to let every bro who has posted and advice know that your comments are really helpful.

I now have a clear idea on how to carry on with this relationship (i.e. made it clear that i'm not happy with the way she's treating my money and she seems to get it.) So far, everything is still normal but I will make it a point not to conclude too early.

[RealEstateGuy]

Originally Posted by dustzee

Exactly bro!!!!!!! I think you got it! It's their sharing culture. That's why she can be so generous with people who has less and expects me to be generous with her (and her family and friends too).

There are bugs called leeches that do the same thing.

[MitMit]

In a relationship, its either u are in control or being controlled.

as a bro here suggested, tell her u in financial crisis and needed all the money u loaned to her back asap.

ask her to sell off her business to help u.....

see what she say to u....

[dudenumber1]

Originally Posted by dustzee

I just need to get this off somewhere...

My Thai girl is a normal girl in her country working as a designer. She has a decent job that pays her a little higher than average in her country. We fell in love and I have made the commitments to visit her regularly.

Everything about having a thai gf is good. Having someone who will bargain for you in the market, bringing you around like a personal tour guide, taking care of the admin for the bank and the rent. And the sex is damn good.

I have met her family and she lives with her mother, brother and sister. Her father and the rest of the family are in the north. I cannot communicate with the mother but I guess she's ok with me. Just that she doesn't like the fact that the gf always stay at my place when I'm there.

So I fell deep and hard for her, thinking that I have finally found someone I really care for. And she really make me feel the feeling is mutual because she is so attentive to me and my needs.

Here comes the thing. I do not understand why she isn't stingy with my money if she sees us as an item. Initially, she asked for help because she had some problems with the shop (she has her own business as well). I agreed to help, partial give partial loan. It wasn't clear, but she always call it a loan but with no clear intention of returning.

The good thing is she isn't lying. Every money that was sent was used to buy something visible that I can see. For example, extra tables and space in the shop. I always think not to ask her for the money as she is really trying to expand her business and upgrade her life. As a bf, I am more than happy to help.

When we go on tours, she would ask her friends along (thai couples) but seems like she always end up paying (with my money). She likes to treat her friends and I seem to be the one paying for that. I have no idea what she was doing, even though the money was not a big deal in our country.

So sometimes I wonder about the perception she has of me. I like to be treated as an equal, but she seems to be less sensitive on how my money was spent. However, she seems to be very sensitive on how her thai friends might have problems paying for this and that. Anyway, I told myself not to worry about it.

And then the money lending issue seems to get bigger. Recently I learned about how much the family is in debt and she has to shoulder everything (because parents are old and siblings are young). Again, I offered to send some money, but this time, stirred. I mean it seems like a black hole that's getting bigger and bigger. In the span of a few months, I'm already sending money in hundreds and thousands. And it seems like they (the family) have no clear idea how to get themselves out of their debt.

I have told my gf repeatedly that I'm not rich, but I would help to ease her of her stress. I'm not sure if she understood that point.

The money that I sent I'm prepared to lose. But I just dread the feeling of what kind of perception she has of our relationship, and in this case, what about her family? What is her family thinking of our relationship.

I really do not want things to go sour now. We have a great chemistry. She is really special to me and I seldom fall for anyone so hard. But I think something in this relationship needs to change.

So last week when she told me about her problem again. I send her some money, but I gave her a deadline to return it. If she needs the cash flow she can have it, but she has to maintain an effort on her part and I'm not an ATM.

Let's see how it goes. I really hope she will hold the end of her bargain. Because if she doesn't, this problem will manifest. Our long term relationship or even our marriage will be affected. I'm not a savior for her family nor her village and I hope she doesn't expect me to be one.

Come on.. it is so clear. She is after $$ becareful bro

[Vigilant42]

Originally Posted by dustzee

Hi Bro, thanks for your post. If it's not too much to ask, would you mind sharing your story?

Yes I agree not all are money minded. In fact, my thai girl is good in every aspect except for these problems. So now show hand with her liao see what happens.

Dear Bros,

Some thai girl are very good in acting. But times will tell, okay. There is one chinese saying, "路遥知马力，日久见人心“。 It means you only can tell if the horse have good powerful legs after running long distance, and when the times pass, you will get to know the person heart better.

Your girl might be trying to use "delay" tactic to hold you back to squeeze more money, so watch out carefully. Nowadays, not every thai girl abide to their thai culture and religious.

Cheers
Regards
Vigilant42

[Super White]

Most guys who spend on girls are buying face for themselves as much as stuff for the girl.

The combination of love, pride(That you can provide for your woman), stupidity(when you can't tell she's taking you for a ride) and sex is a deadly head spinning drug that depletes the wallet and breaks the heart.

I was guilty of it too but have since learnt my lesson. The question is how much does it take for you to learn yours.

[cheekies]

Originally Posted by Super White

Most guys who spend on girls are buying face for themselves as much as stuff for the girl.

The combination of love, pride(That you can provide for your woman), stupidity(when you can't tell she's taking you for a ride) and sex is a deadly head spinning drug that depletes the wallet and breaks the heart.

I was guilty of it too but have since learnt my lesson. The question is how much does it take for you to learn yours.

Well said bro. was once in the same boat too..when things are all rosy and red,it's really hard to differentiate whats real and whats not. Even when hiccups happen along the way, we'll still tend to "well, it's just a one off. it won't happen again" and give them the benefit of the doubt.

To TS, really, think with an open mind, i mean, as lovers,soulmates, life partners, or whatever you wanna call it. Would you be there for her in difficult times and would you think and believe without a doubt that she would really do the same for you when you are in dire straits..??

No offence but just voicing my honest thoughts.

[tony1982]

To dustZee,

Hey man, just like you I have a thai girlfriend. Perhaps I can share with you some of my views.

1) Generally, thai girls are very nice people. They are not scheming, and are very good tempered people.

2) Unfortunately, they have poor money sense. They dun usually plan ahead financially, they spend what they have. So to them, money is never enough.

3) Thais tend to think that all foreigners are more well off than them, and thais are very well aware that cost of living in thai is much lower than other developing countries. Thus, its very difficult for them to understand that we( singaporeans) are not as well off as they think we are.

4) Someone brought up the notion of sharing in this thread. I agree very much with it. Cos in a thai family unit, the most well-off child will naturally take on the responsibility to contribute financially to the family. My guess is that your girlfriend is the only member of her family that has a foreign boyfriend. And thus, the responsiblity falls in you.

5) Generally, thai women are very virtous, and they make very good wives. They try their best to satisfied all your needs. In return, they develop a tendency to apporach you the moment they have problems, be it money or something else. They look up to you as a source for solution, be it whether you are a thai local or a foreigner.

6) My girlfriend ask me for money as well, I'll give her what I can. Personally, I feel that it is important for us not to feel troubled over money matters. Always make sure that whatever you give her is on top of the your own financial commitments. What I meant is that surplus that you have after your usual spending and the pre-set amount that you put to savings, your loan to her should come from this surplus.

7) Be honest with her, more importantly, be honest with yourself, if you are tight on hand, just tell her you are unable to do it. And if she is understanding about it, congradulations, you found a good girlfriend. If she doesn't, good for you as well, cos you know she is not the one for you.

All the best to the 2 of you.

[wells]

Does she knows clear about your finance background or did you say ‘’any problem please let me know’’ to her initially?

Due to our brand “Singaporean” She might think highly of you. You are the person and the closest man that she will naturally depend on in times of cash issues. Who else can she seek help unless you voice out in the beginning. It became snow balls and reform to silent cries from you.

Have a talk not stating you are uncomfortable about you are her ATM. Let her know you have financial problem too and see if she can help you in any ways. I do have an ex Thai gf and it is true that their families or relatives are important to them and she will assist in whatever they could. Her families also have frequent cash flow problems in their life or business. I do not send any money over nor she request from me. Unless it’s real critical I know off.

Having long distance relationship is not easy and it’s costly to flying around. If she is the one, plan your future, make up your mind and settle down. Long distance relation, there is a due date. Good luck to you.

[RealEstateGuy]

Originally Posted by tony1982

To dustZee,

Hey man, just like you I have a thai girlfriend. Perhaps I can share with you some of my views.

1) Generally, thai girls are very nice people. They are not scheming, and are very good tempered people.

2) Unfortunately, they have poor money sense. They dun usually plan ahead financially, they spend what they have. So to them, money is never enough.

3) Thais tend to think that all foreigners are more well off than them, and thais are very well aware that cost of living in thai is much lower than other developing countries. Thus, its very difficult for them to understand that we( singaporeans) are not as well off as they think we are.

4) Someone brought up the notion of sharing in this thread. I agree very much with it. Cos in a thai family unit, the most well-off child will naturally take on the responsibility to contribute financially to the family. My guess is that your girlfriend is the only member of her family that has a foreign boyfriend. And thus, the responsiblity falls in you.

5) Generally, thai women are very virtous, and they make very good wives. They try their best to satisfied all your needs. In return, they develop a tendency to apporach you the moment they have problems, be it money or something else. They look up to you as a source for solution, be it whether you are a thai local or a foreigner.

6) My girlfriend ask me for money as well, I'll give her what I can. Personally, I feel that it is important for us not to feel troubled over money matters. Always make sure that whatever you give her is on top of the your own financial commitments. What I meant is that surplus that you have after your usual spending and the pre-set amount that you put to savings, your loan to her should come from this surplus.

7) Be honest with her, more importantly, be honest with yourself, if you are tight on hand, just tell her you are unable to do it. And if she is understanding about it, congradulations, you found a good girlfriend. If she doesn't, good for you as well, cos you know she is not the one for you.

All the best to the 2 of you.

Brother, this is a good classy post.

[joew2005]

2 many cooks spoil the soup ...

[goodpartner]

Originally Posted by tony1982

2) Unfortunately, they have poor money sense. They dun usually plan ahead financially, they spend what they have. So to them, money is never enough.

This is the KEY issue (poor money sense)
PLUS the "sharing culture" & "family comes first" & "daughter feeds the family"
EQUAL problem you're facing now.

How to solve?

Hint: Giving her financial education now is a waste of effort

Someone suggested bringing her to higher class Sg society
The principle works - make her stay away from her family, pray that her family won't send her SOS for money, act bloke and stingy.

That's part of the "package" going with a thai (3rd world) gf; you get something, you have to give something. Worth it or not? To each his own.