Bro help! i screw up big time.... - Page 6

suteerak1099 · #76 22-01-2007, 01:41 PM

guess this is gonna be a very very expensive lesson to learn. for her to pardon u is 1 thing, bt for her family to learn of such a disappointment is another. what's the worse that can happen? i think you should brace yourself for a rough ride.

rage is not a valid reason to resort to physical abuse, though slap is just a 1 off, but could progress & aggravate if things dont come under ctrl. i suggest you sign yourself up for some anger management councelling... let her know that you're sincere about your mistake... cross fingers & toes & pray for the best.

good luck

airbrush · #77 22-01-2007, 01:57 PM

There must be a reason you start the action. Who is right is who is wrong at this moment, only you know. In principle, those who start the action are already wrong If you think that you are wrong, then you can try to make youself disappear for 3 days and see whether she will look for you, if she don't even bother then you must hurt her deep. Disappear for another 3 days and see whether she will look for you and if she don't even bother then you better postpone your occassion. The mark you have make take at least two to three years before she can consider whether to forgive you. Unless something very touching happen.

Castrol · #78 22-01-2007, 02:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chickenzip

think he is trying to say a coin got 2 sides....

got mirrors with 2 sides...those to bio char bo undress one lah...

yes a coin got 2 sides, just like buttocks got 2 sides too.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Looksee

inside and outside??

concave and convex?

5stars · #79 22-01-2007, 02:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Castrol

yes a coin got 2 sides, just like buttocks got 2 sides too.

concave and convex?

No lah. I want to put it in this manner: A mirror has 2 sides. on one side, you can see yourself, and on the other side, you can't. One cannot see his fault when he is standing on the "wrong" side (without reflection)

Make sense or not??

5stars · #80 22-01-2007, 02:49 PM

And I am trying to impress upon the thread-starter to do some "soul-searching" and "think through"...

Marriage is a life long matter - so, you must really think through.

List down all the habits of her, and tell yourself whether you can take them forever..

Also, we might not be able to give you any good advice. It is best that you go through the councelling session with your GF. The councellor will be in a better position to offer professional assistance.

No point feeling upset - Gather your energy and strength to gain her trust if you still think your GF is worthwhile to cherish.

Looksee · #81 22-01-2007, 03:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 5stars

No lah. I want to put it in this manner: A mirror has 2 sides. on one side, you can see yourself, and on the other side, you can't. One cannot see his fault when he is standing on the "wrong" side (without reflection)

Make sense or not??

orrrrrrhhhhhh.......understand liao.....

"when u r in the picture, u can't see the flame..."

newkid2006 · #82 22-01-2007, 03:31 PM

Hi Bro justwanadoit,

I don't mean to take a swap at you, but, you should never have slap a women, whether if she is your wife or not.
She would and should be very concern about your physical approach to anger, if you can hit her out of anger now, what will happen if you guys have kids, would you resort to the same reaction to the kids as well???
This is a very serious consideration for her.....

After reading thru briefly on this thread, I see that some of the bro here has very good and constructive advice, but I am also wondering-----

1) How old are you..?
Youth are generally more aggressive / impulsive and "normally" age (experience helps to control the aggressive / impulsive side....

2) How much do you love your future wife..?

Do you "really" love her enough to change / control your impulsive personality.

So, my 2 cents worth of thoughts is ...you need to go back to the basic.....
1) Bag for forgiveness....constant bagging (if the answer to my second question is YES. Get her stuff that she likes...mention about your happier times together.....
2) Seek proessional help, maybe you can look for some helpline, seek their professional advice.....and if need to (which I believed is now),...get your gf to go with you for counseling...to show that you are really sincere ..

But, end of the day..it is really up to you to decide how far u are willing to do to save this relationship....on ur own...u will not be able to solve this..at least not in the short time....So, bro...think deep and think carefully...it's ur future...U definitely need some help...Good Luck...

spider_j · #83 22-01-2007, 03:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by justwanadoit

i came here to share becuase i really got no where to turn to. me and my gal fren are going to be married soon, gotta nice flat, nice bridal package and everything going real smooth until today.

Let me ask this, do you want to get her back simply because you have incurred significant financial outlay and/or obligations for the 'nice flat' and 'nice bridal package'?

Is that the prime consideration for getting her back?

Quote:

Originally Posted by justwanadoit

we went search for banquets and due to some oversight on my part we quarrelled and to cut the long story short, i screw up big time by slapping her in the heat of the arguement. Her gum bleed a bit. I immediately apologised and i know i really screw up for not controlling my rage. Now my gf have doubts about my character as this is 2nd time i slap her. The whole wedding plans and my relationship with her is in jeopardy.

I don't know why you hit her the first time. But if this is the 2nd time you have hit her, she has every reason to believe that you WILL hit her again during the marriage.

Anybody knows that marriage is not always smooth-sailing and disagreements are bound to arise. And what will happen when the both of you get into a serious disagreement again? Can you say that you WON’T hit her again when you get worked up?

Quote:

Originally Posted by justwanadoit

i love her very much and would want to spend my life with her, she is a very noce lady and would acceed to many of my request and accept my eccentricities, she is now scared and worried i am a wife beater. Jia lad...i felt so helpless and sad and disappointed with myself all in one go, all becuase of 1 moment of folly.

My personal viewpoint is that if you love a woman, you won’t ever hit her.

Even if she has done you wrong.

Men Do Not Hit Women. Period.

Ask yourself this, do you honestly love her or are you settling down with her because she is a “nice lady”? If you love her, how can you live with yourself after you have hit her? Don’t you think she deserves someone better than you?

Quote:

Originally Posted by justwanadoit

can any bros advise what to do now? feel damn jia lad and nervous and...sigh...how to win back her confidence now?

Honestly you don’t deserve to get her back. More so since this is the 2nd time you have hit her. Why should she give you another chance? Do you deserve it simply because you have committed to the pending marriage financially?

I feel that it is time for you to reflect on WHY you want to marry her. Are you marrying her because you can't do without her? Or because you figure she is the best you are going to get? If you love her so much then WHY did you feel hitting her was a good way to resolve the conflict?

Castrol · #84 22-01-2007, 04:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 5stars

No lah. I want to put it in this manner: A mirror has 2 sides. on one side, you can see yourself, and on the other side, you can't. One cannot see his fault when he is standing on the "wrong" side (without reflection)

Make sense or not??

ok ok ming bai liao... ming bai liao...

newbadass · #85 22-01-2007, 04:23 PM

I tend to disagree that men should never hit women. If a woman was pointing a gun at me and it was a matter of survival, I would not only hit her with utmost pleasure - I might kill her as well

Chivalry and being a gentleman is all well and good, bros. But as with all things, let's not be extreme.

I will instead say that the use of physical violence to settle emotional disputes is immature and undisciplined. This goes for women as well. Just because their girly slaps can't really hurt me doesn't mean I condone similarly childish behaviour from females.

That being said, I have these words for the threadstarter - wake up your idea!

Treat others as you'd like to be treated. She made you angry, sure... but does she hit you when you make her angry? If she does, then both of you have problems. Go get yourself sorted out before you try to be someone's husband or father.

mahalosux · #86 22-01-2007, 05:45 PM

before u lose your cool on a woman...always think of her as a 'weaker sex'...by beating a woman will make u look worse off than them...there's where u will start to think b4 u react...

ken_v2 · #87 22-01-2007, 06:22 PM

apologise sincerely.
further prove yourself by seeking professional help, eg anger management.

you can't control your anger and no matter how much u love her, history _will_ repeat unless something is done.

cheers and hope everything turn up fine for ya.

fausto · #88 22-01-2007, 09:55 PM

You need to learn the art of "switching off".

"Yes" and "Orh" work best for me.

Day dream, think of something else. Just SWITCH OFF.

And before you know it. She'll probably give up or she's too tired to complain or she's finished complaining.

No need to resort to violence. It's easy to switch off. Think of the most boring class in your life, where your teacher won't shut up. Then replace teacher with gf or wife and apply same technique of not listening.

jerichoy2j · #89 23-01-2007, 01:04 AM

NO USE...Once the ger scare of u... everything is over... sad to say this but it is true..

Quote:

Originally Posted by justwanadoit

Hi all bros,

i came here to share becuase i really got no where to turn to. me and my gal fren are going to be married soon, gotta nice flat, nice bridal package and everything going real smooth until today.

we went search for banquets and due to some oversight on my part we quarrelled and to cut the long story short, i screw up big time by slapping her in the heat of the arguement. Her gum bleed a bit. I immediately apologised and i know i really screw up for not controlling my rage. Now my gf have doubts about my character as this is 2nd time i slap her. The whole wedding plans and my relationship with her is in jeopardy. i love her very much and would want to spend my life with her, she is a very noce lady and would acceed to many of my request and accept my eccentricities, she is now scared and worried i am a wife beater. Jia lad...i felt so helpless and sad and disappointed with myself all in one go, all becuase of 1 moment of folly.

can any bros advise what to do now? feel damn jia lad and nervous and...sigh...how to win back her confidence now?

bros, i hope u guys dun flame me even though u feel disgusted by by action. i am disgusted with what i did too. I am not a violent person.merely seeking help as i desperate liao.

maverick121 · #90 23-01-2007, 07:31 PM

Bro, i understand yr stiuation, cos i too make the mistake once...
wat i did:

Book a holiday (preferbly a resort, i chose Tioman)
Get something from Tiffany's(kinda pain, but worth it) without her knowing.
gave the gift to her after dinner, in the room, i got it fixed.

BUT for now, ask for her forgiveness, otherwise nothing works.
there are times u need to go down on yr knees, not only when u propose, but when u make stupid mistakes like this one.
tell her she could request for anything in return for her forgiveness, lucky for me, my gf didnt ask for anything, but cried and hug me.

and lastly, NEVER, NEVER, EVER DO IT AGAIN! *Applies to all)

My blessings to ya, pal.(mine finally left me becos i did i again, so maybe i am in no stand to advise u afterall)