Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

[diputs1269]

Originally Posted by S.B.Y.1

Husband comes home fm office after having dog style sex with his secretary.
Wife asks; where 've u been?
He replies; work like dog in office.

Pak I like this one, bagus.

[sgbond]

Originally Posted by S.B.Y.1

A man gets into bed with a woman and notices her clean shaven pussy.
He asks "why no hair"?
She replies- "u came to fuck or to comb?"

Husband comes home fm office after having dog style sex with his secretary. Wife asks; where 've u
been? He replies; work like dog in office.

A prostitute asked a plastic surgeon to make another hole for her.
USurgeon was surprised & asked why?
Answer: Business is good & I wish to open another branch!

cannot stop laughing.

Really nice jokes. Hope to read more.

[ginkgo]

Originally Posted by S.B.Y.1

A prostitute asked a plastic surgeon to make another hole for her.
USurgeon was surprised & asked why?
Answer: Business is good & I wish to open another branch!

Branching to other holes.

Great jokes bro and thanks.

[SoongJongki]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

A bachelor has no belly because when he opens a fridge he says:

"Fuck it, the same again!" and then goes to the bed.

Married man has belly because when he comes to the bed he says:

"Fuck it, the same again!" and then goes and opens the fridge.

Haha nice one, ROFL. Thanks for sharing!

[xaniman]

Originally Posted by S.B.Y.1

A man gets into bed with a woman and notices her clean shaven pussy.
He asks "why no hair"?
She replies- "u came to fuck or to comb?"

Husband comes home fm office after having dog style sex with his secretary. Wife asks; where 've u
been? He replies; work like dog in office.

A prostitute asked a plastic surgeon to make another hole for her.
USurgeon was surprised & asked why?
Answer: Business is good & I wish to open another branch!

Great share bro, thanks!!

[bigbirdbird]

Originally Posted by S.B.Y.1

A prostitute asked a plastic surgeon to make another hole for her.
USurgeon was surprised & asked why?
Answer: Business is good & I wish to open another branch!

555 ... Pak Post One Joke So Many Comments

[bigbirdbird]

Quit Smoking


Waiting for our aerobics class to begin, several of us were standing around in our leotards chatting about fitness and diets. One woman said that her brother-in-law had quit smoking, gone on a diet, and lost weight all at the same time.

Thinking to myself that no human being could possibly do this without acquiring at least one other undesirable habit for compensation, I jokingly asked her, "What did he start doing instead of these things?"

After a slight pause, she frowned and said, "Well, their baby-sitter is pregnant now."

[bigbirdbird]

Underwear Dust



One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife, 'Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in 'Slim Fast'. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your backside!'



His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such a comment go unrewarded.

The next morning the husband took a pair of underpants out of his drawer. 'What the heck is this?' he said to himself, as a little 'dust' cloud appeared when he shook them out.

'Cathy,' he hollered into the bathroom, 'Why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?'

She replied with a snicker, 'It's not talcum powder; it's 'Miracle Grow!'

[bigbirdbird]

It was the usual scene in the City's Night Court, the Police had rounded up the usual collection of street walkers and brought them before the Judge; three stood before him, all arrested on the same corner. He asked the first lady what she had to say for herself.

The woman was irate, "I don't know what all this is about your Honour. I'm a college student doing research for a term paper."

The Judge sighed and said, "Well, Miss, I would have thought you'd done enough research' by now. My computer says you have two prior convictions. Thirty days and $250 fine." He then turned to the second lady and requested her to testify.

The woman began crying softly and said, "Judge, I am just a housewife out getting a pack of cigarettes for my husband. I have no idea why I was arrested."

This time, the Judge shook his head and said, "Well, young lady, the officer tells me that he saw you had a stack of bills along with the cigarettes to your 'husband' in his new Cadillac. Thirty days and $250 fine." He turned to the last of the trio and asked her occupation.

The woman said simply, "I'm a hooker."

Refreshed at her honesty, the Judge laughed and said, "How's business?"

She sneered and replied, Terrible Judge, with all these students and housewives around, I can't turn a single trick."

[bigbirdbird]

$7.00 Sex





A Texas couple, both well into their 80's, go to a Sex Therapist's office.


The doctor asks, 'What can I do for you?'


The man says, 'Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?'


The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees.


When the couple finishes, the doctor says, 'There's absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse.'


He thanks them for coming, he wishes them good luck, he charges them $50 and he says good bye.


The next week, the same couple returns and asks the sex therapist to watch again. The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees.


This happens several weeks in a row. The couple makes an appointment, has intercourse with no problems, pays the doctor, then leave.


Finally, after 3 months of this routine, the doctor says, 'I'm sorry, but I have to ask. Just what are you trying to find out?'


The man says, 'We're not trying to find out anything. She's married; so, we can't go to her house. I'm married; and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $98. The Hilton charges $139. We do it here for $50, and best of all, Medicare pays $43 of it.

[bigbirdbird]

WOMEN AND SEX

70% of women who smoke have had more than 4 lovers in the last year while 60% of female non-smokers had none.

Women who respond to sex surveys in mags like Cosmo may have 5 times as many lovers as typical women.

Women who read romance novels have sex twice as often as those who don't.

Women with a Ph.D. are twice as likely to be turned on by the thought of anonymous sex as women who never got a bachelor's degree.

Women who went to college are more likely to enjoy oral sex (giving and receiving) than high school dropouts.

National birthrates rise and fall with the height of heels.

In a bar or nightclub, the hemlines and necklines of unaccompanied women rise and fall (respectively) during ovulation.

Women who have a positive attitude towards sex tend to be less achievement oriented.

White teenage girls who live with single mothers are 60% more likely to have sex before the age of 18 than those who live with both parents. The percentage is much lower for black girls.

Women who lost their virginity before their 18th birthday are likely to be twice as sexually active as women who don't.

Atheists, non-Christians and Jews are tend to be more sexually active than practicing Christians.

Women who have spent a night in jail are almost 50% more likely to have had more than 10 lovers in the past year than women with no criminal record.

Australian women are more likely to have sex on the first date.

Latino women have sex more often than either Blacks or Whites, who get down at roughly the same rate.

Black women are 50% more likely than White women to come every time they have sex.

White women, especially those with a college degree, are the most receptive to anal sex.

20% of women who live with their boyfriends have more than one sex partner.

So, you know what this means? Yup...all you guys have to go looking for: A 1/4 Aussie/1/4 Latino/1/4 Black/1/4 White Atheist with a Ph.D., wearing a low neckline and high heels during happy hour in a swanky bar, smokes, has a criminal record, reads Cosmo and Barbara Cartland, and who lived with her single mom! Shouldn't be too hard.

Happy hunting.

[pikapiku]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

$7.00 Sex





A Texas couple, both well into their 80's, go to a Sex Therapist's office.


The doctor asks, 'What can I do for you?'


The man says, 'Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?'


The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees.


When the couple finishes, the doctor says, 'There's absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse.'


He thanks them for coming, he wishes them good luck, he charges them $50 and he says good bye.


The next week, the same couple returns and asks the sex therapist to watch again. The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees.


This happens several weeks in a row. The couple makes an appointment, has intercourse with no problems, pays the doctor, then leave.


Finally, after 3 months of this routine, the doctor says, 'I'm sorry, but I have to ask. Just what are you trying to find out?'


The man says, 'We're not trying to find out anything. She's married; so, we can't go to her house. I'm married; and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $98. The Hilton charges $139. We do it here for $50, and best of all, Medicare pays $43 of it.

Damn smart folks!

[warbird]

JOKE OF THE YEAR?

A young man moved out from home and into a new apartment, All of his own, he went proudly down to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox.

While there, a stunning young lady came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes, wearing only a robe.

The boy smiled at the young woman and she started up a conversation with him.

As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on.
The poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact.

After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said, 'Let's go to my apartment, I hear someone coming..'

He followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and leaned against it, allowing her robe to fall off completely. Now nude, she purred at him, 'What would you say is my best feature?' Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, 'It's got to be your ears.'

Astounded, and a little hurt she asked, 'My ears? Look at these breasts; they are a full 38 inches and 100% natural.

I work out every day and my ass is firm and solid. I have a 28 inch waist. Look at my skin - not a blemish anywhere.

How can you think that the best part of my body is my ears?'

Clearing his throat, he stammered ……. 'Outside, when you said you heard someone coming …………….. that was me

[S.B.Y.1]

[halfnonsense]

Originally Posted by warbird

JOKE OF THE YEAR?

A young man moved out from home and into a new apartment, All of his own, he went proudly down to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox.

While there, a stunning young lady came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes, wearing only a robe.

The boy smiled at the young woman and she started up a conversation with him.

As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on.
The poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact.

After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said, 'Let's go to my apartment, I hear someone coming..'

He followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and leaned against it, allowing her robe to fall off completely. Now nude, she purred at him, 'What would you say is my best feature?' Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, 'It's got to be your ears.'

Astounded, and a little hurt she asked, 'My ears? Look at these breasts; they are a full 38 inches and 100% natural.

I work out every day and my ass is firm and solid. I have a 28 inch waist. Look at my skin - not a blemish anywhere.

How can you think that the best part of my body is my ears?'

Clearing his throat, he stammered ……. 'Outside, when you said you heard someone coming …………….. that was me

Nice joke bro, more please!