Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

[SBMEDSUP]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Very funny n thanks.

pls share more jokes.

[dyelook]

laughter bumps...

[mbcz]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

This is funny! Nice share bro

[SBMEDSUP]

Support nice joke. More pls.

[Hurricane88]

[Hurricane88]

Confucius 孔子said :
Two things in life that are difficult to achieve:-

1. To plant your idea in someone's head.
2. To plant someone's money in your own pocket.

~ Those who succeed in planting their idea in someone's head - we call Lao Shi (teacher)

~ Those who succeed planting someone's money in their own pocket - we call Lao Ban (boss)

~ The one who succeeds in both - we call Lao Po (wife)

~ The one who fails in both - we call Lao Gong (husband)

[Hurricane88]

Miss Beatrice, the churches organist, was in her 80s. She was single and admired for her sweetness and kindness in the church.

One afternoon the pastor visited her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to be seated while she prepared tea.

As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, he noticed a cute glass bowl on top of it at a corner. The bowl was filled with water, and in it floated, of all things, a condom!!!

When she returned with the tea and scones they started taking. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him he could no longer resist, “Miss Beatrice, I wonder if you would tell me about this?” pointing to the bowl.

“Oh, yes!” she replied, “Isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the park last week and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the Organ, keep it Wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know ... I haven't had the flu all winter.”😄😄...

Pls share if like!👍...
.

[asking4hj]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Lots of truth in what he says

[xploror]

remember this Little Johnny joke on misleading the teacher?


Little Johnny's school was having show and tell, so the teacher started a 'Guess What's Behind My Back' game. She went to her desk and picked something up.

"Okay class," she said, "guess what's behind my back. It's red, round, and shiny."

"I know, teacher! It's an apple!" shouted Little Johnny!

The teacher replied, "No little Johnny, it's a cherry, but I like the way you think."

The teacher went to her desk again and picked up another item.

"Okay class," she said, "what am I holding now? It's yellow, and soft.

"I know, teacher! It's a banana!

"No, Little Johny," said the teacher, "it's a tennis ball, but I like the way you think.

At this point little Johnny was frustrated. "Okay teacher," he said, standing up, "this one's for you!" He stuck his hand in his pocket and pulled it out with his hand closed around it. "Okay what am I holding? It's round, hard, and has a head.

Shocked the teacher yelled, "Little Johnny! Go to the office right now! That's inappropriate and you're in big trouble!"

"For what, teacher?" Little Johnny said, grinning, "It's just a quarter, but I like the way you think!"



now, how about leading two girls on?

[etsys]

One more

[SBMEDSUP]

Thanks for more jokes please.

[Steventan]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Miss Beatrice, the churches organist, was in her 80s. She was single and admired for her sweetness and kindness in the church.

One afternoon the pastor visited her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to be seated while she prepared tea.

As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, he noticed a cute glass bowl on top of it at a corner. The bowl was filled with water, and in it floated, of all things, a condom!!!

When she returned with the tea and scones they started taking. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him he could no longer resist, “Miss Beatrice, I wonder if you would tell me about this?” pointing to the bowl.

“Oh, yes!” she replied, “Isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the park last week and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the Organ, keep it Wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know ... I haven't had the flu all winter.”😄😄...

Pls share if like!👍...
.

She’s correct; instructions not specific enough

[Steventan]

Originally Posted by xploror

remember this Little Johnny joke on misleading the teacher?


Little Johnny's school was having show and tell, so the teacher started a 'Guess What's Behind My Back' game. She went to her desk and picked something up.

"Okay class," she said, "guess what's behind my back. It's red, round, and shiny."

"I know, teacher! It's an apple!" shouted Little Johnny!

The teacher replied, "No little Johnny, it's a cherry, but I like the way you think."

The teacher went to her desk again and picked up another item.

"Okay class," she said, "what am I holding now? It's yellow, and soft.

"I know, teacher! It's a banana!

"No, Little Johny," said the teacher, "it's a tennis ball, but I like the way you think.

At this point little Johnny was frustrated. "Okay teacher," he said, standing up, "this one's for you!" He stuck his hand in his pocket and pulled it out with his hand closed around it. "Okay what am I holding? It's round, hard, and has a head.

Shocked the teacher yelled, "Little Johnny! Go to the office right now! That's inappropriate and you're in big trouble!"

"For what, teacher?" Little Johnny said, grinning, "It's just a quarter, but I like the way you think!"



now, how about leading two girls on?

Oops, caught her with her ....

[Hurricane88]

*STUDENT OBTAINED 0% IN AN EXAM!*

I WOULD HAVE GIVEN HIM 100%! EACH ANSWER IS ABSOLUTELY GRAMMATICALLY CORRECT AND FUNNY TOO. THE TEACHER HAS NO SENSE OF HUMOR.

*Q1: IN WHICH BATTLE DID NAPOLEON DIE?*

```HIS LAST BATTLE.```

*Q2: WHERE WAS THE DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE SIGNED?*

```AT THE BOTTOM OF THE PAGE.```

*Q3: RIVER RAVI FLOWS IN WHICH STATE?*

```LIQUID.```

*Q4: WHAT IS THE MAIN REASON FOR DIVORCE?*

```MARRIAGE.```

*Q5: WHAT IS THE MAIN REASON FOR FAILURE?*

```EXAMS.```

*Q6: WHAT CAN YOU NEVER EAT FOR BREAKFAST?*

```LUNCH & DINNER.```

*Q7: WHAT LOOKS LIKE HALF AN APPLE?*

```THE OTHER HALF.```

*Q8: IF YOU THROW A RED STONE INTO THE BLUE SEA WHAT WILL IT BECOME?*

```WET.```

*Q9: HOW CAN A MAN GO EIGHT DAYS WITHOUT SLEEPING?*

```NO PROBLEM, HE SLEEPS AT NIGHT.```

*Q10: HOW CAN YOU LIFT AN ELEPHANT WITH ONE HAND?*

```YOU WILL NEVER FIND AN ELEPHANT THAT HAS ONE HAND```

*Q11: IF YOU HAD THREE APPLES AND FOUR ORANGES IN ONE HAND AND FOUR APPLES AND THREE ORANGES IN OTHER HAND, WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE?*

```VERY LARGE HANDS```

*Q12: IF IT TOOK EIGHT MEN TEN HOURS TO BUILD A WALL, HOW LONG WOULD IT TAKE FOUR MEN TO BUILD IT?*

```NO TIME AT ALL, THE WALL IS ALREADY BUILT```

*Q13: HOW CAN YOU DROP A RAW EGG ONTO A CONCRETE FLOOR WITHOUT CRACKING IT?*

```ANY WAY YOU WANT, CONCRETE FLOORS ARE VERY HARD TO CRACK.```

*Spread some laughter, share the cheer. Let's be happy, while we're here*

[Hurricane88]

🍅🍅🍅
A wife checked her husband's Hand Phone and found these names:

*The Tender one.*
*The Amazing one.*
*Lady of My Dreams.*

She got angry and called the first number to find out that was his Mother.

Then she called the second number on which his Sister replied.

When she dialed the third number, her own phone rang !!

She cried until her eyes got swollen because she had doubted her innocent husband.

So she gave him her whole month's salary to make up for it.

Husband took the money and bought a gift for his girlfriend whose name was saved as :
*Ah Seng Kedai motor.*

*PASS IT ALONG :*

Caution :
*ONLY TO MALE FRIENDS, PLEASE.*
🤣🤣🍊🍊🍊